


Hazed

by Triggered_Delirium



Category: Bleach
Genre: Dark, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Pessimistic, Real Life, Realism, Romance, some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 183,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triggered_Delirium/pseuds/Triggered_Delirium
Summary: Vision grey; a bitter taste in my mouth; my body comfortably numb—these were the three components that dominated my existence. Years went by like minutes, and as they strutted by relentlessly, I accepted this twisted way of survival to be my fate. I long ago ceased from looking for exits in the haze, but this searching hand…could it really lead to sunlit lands?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers,
> 
> This will be a 'in-real-time' fic that will be posted as soon as a chapter is complete. Unfortunately updates may be scattered, but hopefully I can buckle down to at least once per week. I will be in Japan until April 24th, so updates until that date will be miniscule.
> 
> Hope you like it!
> 
> -Vi

_Click-click_

"Allow me,"

_Click_

He held the ignited lighter out, and I leaned forward to let the flame caress the edge of my cancer stick. I inhaled lightly to help the tip of it catch, and held the smoke in my mouth until the orange glow began to consume the first layer of tobacco. I leaned back away from the flame, and inhaled the smoke dwelling in my mouth. I exhaled it; the satisfaction of the first successful drag calming me as I leaned back against the barren wall.

He looked down at my bare breasts with no shame or signs of mental restraint. I looked away from his loathsome direction before taking another drag.

"Cough it up." I ordered before exhaling.

I rose my left palm up in front of me; making it perfectly clear that it was time for him to go. He was one of my regular clients and learned the rules the hard way long ago. He knew that I wasn't here to dawdle and play games after his allotted time slot—I could have others waiting and he would never be an exception to missing out on some cold hard cash.

He scoffed and stood up; the bed creaking from weight removal. He walked leisurely to the bathroom; the sound of his heavy, uncoordinated footsteps leaving me completely disgusted with him as they always did. He belched as he scratched the skin around his genitalia, and the sound of his pubic hair flickering between his nails as he scratched made me clench my teeth in an effort to eradicate the shudder I desperately wanted to give. He pushed the door open with his forearm, and without any tact or elegance, pissed with the door open. He didn't even put the damn seat up—such a filthy pig this guy was.

Trying to ignore the relentless sound of streaming piss hitting the water in the hollowed toilet bowl, I rose from my leaned, seated position against the wall to look for where that fucker threw my bra. I found it on the ground on the opposite wall of the room behind the small wooden table stationed there. I moved the wooden chair tucked underneath the table, and crouched down to retrieve it. Once I retrieved it, I held the cigarette between my lips and used both hands to sling the bra around me and fasten the adjustment latch properly. I took a drag as I retrieved the cigarette from my lips, and began to gather my other articles of clothing on the stained carpet beneath me.

The nude sack of hairy flesh that reminded me of my own disgust with myself exited the bathroom and staggered back over toward the bed. He grabbed his pants off the floor in a letdown fashion, and took his wallet out of the back pocket.

"What's the damage?" He asked as he opened it.

"40,000 this time." I replied as I pulled my pants up.

He scoffed again—clearly not fully accepting tonight's performance to meet the standard for the rate. It didn't matter what he thought; the price was the price, and that's all there was to it.

Once I had my loose-fitting shirt on properly, I put on my black pea-coat over it and walked back over to the bed to put my boots back on. He muttered something under his breath as he sorted through the money in his wallet, frustratingly shuffling the bills from his left hand to his right as he counted. I finished zipping up my boots and walked over to him to outstretch my palm again. He grudgingly slapped the bills into my hand, and I immediately began to count the bills for clarification. Once I verified the correct amount, I put the money in my pocket and bowed my head.

"Thank you for your patronage,"

The departure was always the same; the count before the bow, the robotic and overly-rehearsed phrase. While it was good to sometimes flatter the clientele, too much flattery could cause them to think otherwise about the services. To prevent any type of 'real emotion,' it made sense to stick to the original protocol of formal closure.

"Yeah, I bet," he huffed, walking toward the door.

I walked with him, and he ushered me out the door as soon as he'd opened it. He closed and locked it behind him, and I could hear the infernal creak of defeat the mattress sounded as he laid back down on it. I finally let out the shudder I'd held back in his presence, and began my trek back the rendezvous point.

The air had dropped a few degrees in temperature, and the reminder of the current winter season made itself known by the frigid breeze that grazed my neck as it swept through my ebony hair. I'd forgotten my scarf this evening due to the abrupt retrieval from earlier. I was in such a rush that I literally had no time to even change into warmer clothing. All I could do at this point was to try covering the bare skin with my hair and hope for a miracle—so far it wasn't working out.

I reached the rendezvous point, and sat down on the dirty plastic folding chair against the wall. I pushed the call button on the black tracker bracelet affixed on my left wrist, before reaching into my purse for my cigarette pack. The blinking green light on the bracelet became the solid yellow it always did, signaling that my message was received and he was on his way. I lit my cigarette and looked up to the sky; taking in the quarter moon that peeked through the grey clouds.

"Yo,"

I looked over to the male in all black garb; his fedora hat perfectly in place as it always was, and the heavy black boots audibly sounding with each step. He had no care in the world if anyone heard his approach or looked at him in fear—it was what he wanted in fact. The testosterone he exuded made me sick; that cocky confidence that he was such a badass was completely unflattering to me, and made me truly find him despicable.

I stood up and took the wad of cash out of my pocket. He took it from my hand and began counting.

"How many tonight?" He asked.

"Three." I responded.

"Any of use?"

"None; just two weaklings and one of my regulars. No one that could be an asset."

"How much?"

"200,000."

He finished counting the bills, and then separated out a couple in one hand.

"Here's your weekly cut; make it last." He said as he handed me the money.

I counted it quickly; 10,000 Yen as usual. At least my other shitty job would be able to help me get by for the rest of the week.

He reached for my left wrist and scanned his magnetic keychain against it. The solid yellow turned back to the blinking green it portrayed normally, and I took back my cold hand and shoved it in my pocket.

"Am I done for the evening?" I asked.

He smirked.

"Until further notice." He responded.

I bowed my head, and promptly walked out of the dump of an alley we were in. I hated being there; the smell of urine and animal feces always made my head hurt. With all the money they bring in, you would think that they would've picked a more luxurious place for the rendezvous rather than the back of a warehouse. That bastard likes to keep shit the same way as he used to in the old days; probably for the nostalgia of when he first started the business—either way it was still sickening.

I walked down the sidewalk toward the 24-hour district; the usual place I lingered about since one of my jobs primarily took place at night and nothing was open. The Hollow feeling in my stomach took over my original desire of going home to wash the remnant saliva off my skin. It'd been about eight hours since I last ate, and a beer sounded like it would serve me well. I looked around to see what looked like a good option, and finally settled on the usual Mameha's at the end of the strip.

I pushed through the glass double doors and nodded to the bartender as I walked toward my usual table. I knew mostly everyone that worked here; there were a couple of newbies that would lay on the usual polite and over-attentive gestures, but they soon learned that their charade didn't work with me when I just callously stared at them in silence.

I got to the usual corner booth table I deemed my own whenever I was physically present in the establishment. Fumbling around in my pockets, I slide into the booth and to the all too familiar cracked window that needed replacement. I shifted one knee onto the padded seat of the booth for support before mindlessly opening the window as per my usual routine. I wedged myself comfortably in the corner of the booth, and took out my pack and put It on the table. I searched around for my lighter that I remembered leaving in my pocket, but couldn't find it in the immediate vicinity. I felt around more, loose strings grazing my fingertips from inside the pocket. A hole in the damn pocket—great. I huffed in defeat, and leaned back into the corner padding. It was only then when I faced forward that I noticed.

Aquamarine eyes stared into mine from across the same booth.

The orbs belonged to an above average sized, white haired male wearing a dark grey trench coat and business-casual blue undershirt. He was leaned back into the seat with his left hand on the table and his right arm resting on the top of back cushion.

The booths in this restaurant were so spacious, and this booth in particular was normally empty, so I didn't think or even see that anyone occupied the seat.

"Fucking Kami," I let out with a light jolt from the surprise.

The white-haired male didn't flinch at my jerked reaction, but just stared back at me waiting to see my next move. The general aura he gave pissed me off; I knew I was in the wrong for not looking, but he could've said something rather than just sitting there eating his damn meal and watching for entertainment.

"You want the window shut?" I asked with a scowl dominating my features.

"It's fine." He replied.

I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and shoved them in my pocket before scooting my way out of the booth.

"Sorry for the intrusion; enjoy your meal."

I promptly walked away from him without another passing glance, or a moment for him to reply.

With all the other booths by the window either being too centered or occupied, I settled for the bar top as a last resort. I was pissed that I couldn't get away with smoking at the bar, but I was too hungry to let such a small inconvenience get to me.

"What'll it be today?" Sano asked as I sat down.

"A beer and a menu please." I promptly responded.

Sano's facial expression said it all. That smug yet subtle smirk as he grabbed a glass to pour the alcohol—clearly he saw the whole thing. He set the glass in front of me and placed the menu in front of me as well before wiping the counter in front of us.

"How lovely it is that you decided to come visit me at the bar for once." He commented.

"Yeah, aren't you special," I spat back dryly as I took a gulp of the bubbly yellow fluid.

"You gotta agree that was hilarious," he egged me.

"Oh yeah, definitely one for the books," I replied with thick sarcasm in my tone. "You know what, get me the usual dish."

"You got it _Aki-Aki,_ "

"I can throw this glass at your face if you'd like." I threatened.

"Make my day,"

I scoffed. "Just go put in the order for my damn food."

He chuckled and walked away as I took another swig of my beer. The bastard knew I hated that atrocious nick-name he himself gave me, yet he continuously utilized it just to see me cringe. This was why I never sat at the bar, and why my corner booth was so damn important—social interaction on my personal time wasn't something I was particularly fond of. Aside from that, the corner booth gave me a good vantage point to make observations while enjoying quiet time.

Thinking about the white-haired asshole that took away one of the few things I enjoyed made me huff unconditionally. He didn't know what he did and was at literally zero fault, but I had to blame my anger out on something.

The fucking lard that rammed his dick in me no less than an hour ago was literally my most hated regular; he always put me in the foulest of moods afterward—hence the beer. Throughout the entire ordeal, the only thing that kept me going tonight was that afterward I'd definitely treat myself to a beer as consolation. And to add to that, when I decided on Mameha's, the thought of a quiet meal to recollect myself after the nauseating 27 minutes I had to endure really made the small consolation into an even bigger prize.

But no. Not for me. Of course not. That teal-eyed dick-wad took that away. Now I'm at the bar with the lowest form of consolation, within an arms reach of another patron, within range of Sano's condescending body language, and all without a cigarette. All too pleasant really. I had half a mind to just spend my weekly monetary allotment on getting wasted beyond coherence, but I had to feed myself for the rest of the damn week.

I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself, but to no avail. I snuck a peek over my shoulder to look at tonight's second form of annoyance.

The man in my booth sat there, casually leaning back against the cushion as he clicked around on his cellphone. His plate was cleared, yet he just sat there quietly not utilizing the table for what it was meant for any longer. He snapped his flip phone from the damn 90's shut, and looked out the window.

Kami, couldn't he just leave already? If he could just disappear so I could go back to my booth, I'd really fucking appreciate it.

The ceramic bowl placed in front of me at that moment broke me out of my glare. I turned forward to see that Sano had walked off to help another customer, and the action pleased me—I didn't want him anywhere near me. If I could at least enjoy my food without any more hindrances, I'd settle for the night.

The meat was cooked perfectly this evening; the more I chewed the perfectly salted slice, the more my foul demeanor eased.

About halfway through my meal—just as my mood began to change from the level of dopamine the food helped me produce—the bar stool next to me screeched back, and almost made me choke from the noise.

"Akinoyo,"

Great. Just perfect. And here I was starting to feel a little better.

A drunken Shinji sat down on the stool next to me; leaning as seductively as drunkenly possible against the bar top as he smirked at me.

"What?" I responded; trying to mask my annoyance as much as I possibly could.

He wobbled forward to closer some of the distance between us; the scent of the alcohol on him immediately becoming apparent as he did.

"Why aren't you in your outfit?" he asked.

Whenever this regular contracted me, he demanded me in a middle school outfit the local girls wore to satisfy his sick pedophilic desire.

"I'm not working," I replied with zero hesitation. "I'm off the clock."

"What? That's bullshit; since when are you off the clock?" He retorted.

"Since I'm a human being and can't constantly have a dick in between my legs." I shot back in irritation.

"Well when are you ' _on the clock?_ '" he countered.

"When I'm contracted by a client—which isn't right now. I'm off for the night unless you contact the handler."

I scooted back in a miniscule increment—enough that it pissed him off.

"That's no fun at all, Akinoyo!" He began rather loudly.

He scooted forward toward me, and rose his hand up creep up to my shoulder.

"Why don't you work a little overtime for me?" He took a lock of my hair, and I immediately pulled back.

"Because I don't fucking feel like it, Shinji." I glared. "I'm eating right now; go find someone else to play Sensei with."

I turned back toward my meal, and reached for my beer. He seized the beer before I could, and uncoordinatedly pushed it away from me.

" _Because I don't fucking feel like it, Akinoyo."_ He repeated.

Anger welled in my throat now; and I tried desperately to hold it back with my response.

" _Not tonight, I said._ Leave me alone." I gazed into him with a piercing warning.

"Is that any way to treat a loyal customer?" He growled before taking hold of my thigh and gripping it harshly.

I'd just about had it at that point.

I pushed him back, and he almost fell off the stool from the amount of force I put behind it.

"Fuck off, Shinji!"

I stood up, the bar stool I previously occupied scraping against the floor with a hollow metal screech. I glared at him now, accurately making my anger known along with demonstrating that I wasn't fucking around anymore. If he didn't leave me alone, I'd have him escorted out.

The entire dive bar paused with the outburst, and all eyes were on us.

Shinji caught himself, and chuckled deeply before belly laughing aloud. His reaction pissed me off even more; the anger that I swallowed regurgitated back and now seeped out from within me.

"You think this is fucking funny?" I sneered loudly.

Shinji caught his breath, and paused hunched over with his elbows on his knees. In a swift movement, he swatted my food and beer over the bar top, shattering the glass and porcelain against the back wall behind the bar.

"It's fucking _hilarious_ , Akinoyo,"

He stood up now; his height and overall body mass towering over my own as his testosterone dominated the immediate atmosphere.

"It's hilarious that you think you can say no to _me._ " He smirked as he stared into me.

I didn't let myself look away, or display any sort of succumb to his gaze; once fear was apparent, there was no escape. I shook my head, and grit my teeth.

"You better fucking pay for the food and plates you just wasted, Shinji. Go home after that, you drunken piece of shit."

I side-stepped out of his direct line of sight, and pushed my way past him. As I did, he grabbed my arm and swung me back around to smash me against the bar top.

"You think you can just—"

Before Shinji could even finish his statement, someone pulled him off me and flung him back onto the ground.

All eyes were on Shinji…except for mine.

The white-haired jerk from before stood in between Shinji and myself; his back facing me as he provided full and undivided attention to the pedophile struggling on the ground.

Immediately, Sano and some of the other workers seized Shinji's arms and pulled him up without letting him move freely.

"And who the fuck do you think you are? I was having a conversation!" Shinji sneered at the white-haired man.

"You call handling a woman in that fashion a ' _conversation?'"_ He replied; with a controlled tone.

"It's time for you to go, Shinji, you've done enough damage for one night." Mameha himself stepping forward to intervene. "Those plates and food are going on your tab, and will be filed in on your police report. Take him to the back until the cops get here." He ordered.

The staff complied, and Shinji practically snarled at me.

"Don't think this is over, Akinoyo!" he shouted at me.

I didn't let up on the eye contact. If this bastard thought he could frazzle me with that threat, he was dead wrong.

As Sano and the others turned their backs on us, Mameha approached and inspected me.

"You okay?" He asked.

I couldn't help but chortle.

" _Wonderful._ Do I owe anything?" I asked.

Mameha paused, taking in my obscene discomfort and trying to make his own determination.

"No, don't worry about it."

"Great. Later." I quickly replied.

Without making any form of eye contact with anyone, I quickly shoved my hands in my pockets and stormed out of there. I was so angry that I couldn't keep myself civil for very much longer. The thought of that shameful waste of a human being thinking he could just dominate me like that literally made my skin crawl; the demon within me waiting to rip through it and unleash all Hell on the bastard.

The brisk, 01:45 wind smacked me in the face once I'd pulled the doors open. It was a good thing since my blood was already at a severe boiling point and needed to drop back down to a simmer. As I stomped down the sidewalk audibly, I shakily pulled out the paper carton of comfort from my pocket, and searched for my lighter.

"Kami-fucking-dammit!" I huffed in rage upon remembering my lighter situation.

I stopped, and shoved the carton in my other pocket as I reached in the other and through the small hole that ripped the seam. I ripped it further, and stuck my two forefingers into it in search of the black plastic igniter. After several excruciating seconds, I finally was able to feel it, and I seized it like gold in a forbidden temple. I took out a cancer stick quickly, and rested it between my lips as I cupped my hand around the igniter to shield it from the wind.

"Hey!"

I snapped my head in the direction of the call.

The white-haired man from before approached me steadily, easing his pace as he approached me.

I grimaced upon seeing him. Would tonight ever just let me win?

"Yeah?" I asked, continuing to focus on lighting my cigarette. Once it was lit and I took my much needed drag, I shoved the lighter back in my pocket and looked up at him. "What?"

He looked at me for a moment, seemingly judging me by my stance and body language. Any creature with average intellect could tell that I was still steaming—just what the Hell was he trying to take in?

"I wanted to make sure you weren't hurt in any way—is your back okay?" He asked.

Oh how charming. Checking in on me to make sure I was okay—the knight in shining armor this guy was.

"I'm fine." I responded dryly as I shifted my weight from one leg to the other. "Anything else?" I impatiently asked.

He paused again for another moment, probably confused that I hadn't fallen into his embrace and let him sweep me off my feet straight to the bedroom—the nerve of I.

"It's late, and I figured that with the scene that just took place you may want someone to escort you home; the hour doesn't help."

I looked up into his aquamarine orbs with such a deadpan face that I couldn't control. Was this guy kidding me? I couldn't help but let an amused grin crack on the corner of my lips.

"Aren't you a piece of work?" I chuckled as I turned away from him.

I started to walk away from him, and then stopped abruptly when a thought crossed my mind.

The way this guy threw Shinji seemed almost effortless on his part. He had an aura that I personally found annoying, but it was an aura that implied strength. Could this guy be an asset? Maybe if I played my cards right…

I turned around and looked up at him as I took a deep drag of my cigarette.

"You know what? Sure. Walk with me." I smirked.

He searched my eyes for a moment, and proceeded forward until he fell into step at my side. This guy was too observant for my liking, but I decided to let it slip. If this guy truly was an asset, I'd have to suck up my bitter personality and be nice. I was only ever nice to clientele during foreplay—this was gonna be a lot harder than I thought.

We walked in silence for about two blocks before I _'womaned'_ up enough to start conversing.

"So what are you doing out this late?" I asked.

He must've thought I wasn't going to say anything at all during our trek; my question seemed to have surprised him a small increment.

"Work." He responded. "And you?"

"Work." I replied the same one-worded answer.

"This is a pretty late time to work; it's unsafe around this area to be commuting by foot,"

"Are you implying I can't handle it?" I shot right back. Was he thinking that just because I'm a female I can't be strong enough to walk the streets alone at night? Sexist pig.

He caught the hint at my prompt defense of my gender. "No, I'm saying in general."

"Well if that's the case, then you wouldn't be out here yourself now would you?" I responded with a small smirk as I took another drag.

"Sometimes there isn't any way to avoid it." He responded.

His statement resonated with me. There really was no way to avoid it. I had to woman up and deal with being dragged out at unreasonable times for the job—there was no way around it.

"I concur." I replied.

Silence took over again until we stopped at a crosswalk and waited for the light.

"Go to Mameha's often?" I inquired.

"Tonight was my first time actually; it was suitable." He replied.

'Suitable?' What the Hell kind of way was that to describe something? He could've just said something along the lines of 'okay,' or 'sub-par'—what era was this guy from? I couldn't help but snicker.

"I'm glad that Mameha's _suited_ your need for sustenance." My cracked smile grew.

I knew I was being a sarcastic bitch, but the subtle jabs I took at this guy was the only thing lightening my foul mood. I hadn't actually had the corners of my lips curl in a twisted smile for some time now—it felt kind of…okay?

The light turned and we began to walk across the crosswalk.

"Hmm, I'm wondering if your subtle sarcasm is used solely on word-play, or is a primary reaction relied on to get you through the waking hours." He commented aloud.

Wow, so he picked up on it—I couldn't say I wasn't slightly impressed that his intelligence was above the average bo-zo.

"Both really," I replied. "Its interesting to me to see just who can detect the difference between sarcasm and politeness. Most generally assume it's the later, and when I've received that as the outcome, my judgement has already been passed." I took another quick drag of my cigarette before tossing it toward the gutter.

"You really shouldn't litter,"

"You really shouldn't care." I shot back.

He shook his head before facing forward.

"So accepting people that aren't in the same spectrum you've wedged yourself into isn't a typical occurrence?" He continued.

"Accepting people in general isn't a _typical occurrence._ " I corrected.

The breeze whistled by us, and a distant car alarm sounded—the usual backdrop of this shit town along the outskirt of the big city. This horrid town could burn for all I cared; 85% of it was made up of crooks and scumbags anyway. Which really made me wonder why in the Hell this Prince Charming strutting next to me was even here. Nice people don't come here; it's rare that anyone here has the audacity to give two fucks about their fellow human beings. Shit, even at Mameha's they wouldn't have helped if I'd been someone they didn't know. Sure they'd call the police for the risk of getting sued, but it was highly unlikely they would interject during an argument like the one I was in.

"Yet here you are, _allowing_ me in enough to walk you home."

My rambling thought process came to a complete halt as I turned my scrunched face to look at him. He had a point. However, he didn't know this was in an effort to insinuate a business recruitment. Still though, something about his words made me second-guess myself, and it left me feeling uncomfortable.

"Don't read too much into it there, wise guy." I cleared my throat.

"Says the one that lives off _reading into it_." He shot back.

"Oh-ho, look who's firing back suddenly. What ever shall I do?" I smirked.

He didn't reply, but shared in my small smirk with his own. Although he was now countering my actions with his own, something about it made me feel as if it had a light-hearted feel behind the words; as if being playful in a respective manner. It was weird; this guy _really_ shouldn't be here with that personality of his. Then again, who was I to judge what he was really like only after meeting the guy an hour ago?

We were two blocks away from my apartment now, and I abruptly stopped at the edge of the block.

"This is my stop." I said.

Rule #1: _Never_ let possible clientele know exactly where you live.

He stopped and turned to look at me before shoving his hands in his pockets. Great, here comes the part where he expects me to invite him inside.

"Okay then, try to be safe." He said coolly, giving a curt nod and turning back toward the direction we came from.

I literally paused. What the…

I couldn't help but laugh.

He stopped mid-step and turned his body to look back at me.

I couldn't help myself; he really shocked me that he just turned on his heel and walked away. I usually had to beat people away with a stick, yet here this guy was, letting me off easy.

"You okay?" he asked, confused by my reaction.

I simmered down to a chortle before catching my breath completely and forcing myself to stop. I hadn't actually laughed in such a long time that it was hard to withdraw the action.

"I'm just _peachy,_ Prince Charming. You're literally something else." I grinned and approached him.

I reached down into my boot, and pulled out a card for the Diner I worked at.

"Here; if you're ever working during the daylight hours, stop on by. I'll treat you to a beer or something as consolation for your _heroic_ actions earlier." I air-quoted before handing him the card.

He read it for a moment, and then stuck it in his coat pocket before looking back at my lavender eyes.

"I'll think about it, thanks." He said.

I held out my hand.

"Kiteyama Akinoyo."

He took mine gently yet firmly, and shook it.

"Hitsugaya Toushirou."

I took my hand back, and graced him with a small half smile.

"See ya around _Romeo,_ "

I turned on my heel and continued forward without another glance back.

I approached my apartment, and inserted my key into the deadbolt.

"Tonight…wasn't all that bad…"


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you even _realize_ how much shit you're in?"

My handler Rafael presently standing at my bedside woke me with his statement. I shot up and yelped from the panic of the unannounced intrusion, and before I could even take a breath, Rafael threw the covers off me in a harsh whip. I scooted back from him; the original panic now turning into fear.

I tried to make my breathing steady and my heart beat slowly. It would be difficult because I had just woken up and had no time to mentally collect myself, but it had to be done. I had to feign an impassive demeanor if I had any hope of ending this quickly. If I let myself yelp again or cry from what was about to happen, he'd learn just how much of a terrified person I really was beneath my cold stare, and he wouldn't hesitate to utilize that against me.

Quickly, Rafael seized my forearm—his grip so tight it easily cut off circulation—and pulled me off the bed. I tried to get up and walk, but he ended up throwing me against the floor before I could do anything. My hip hitting the wooden floor felt like a hammer hitting a rock; the direct point of contact didn't hurt yet, but it sent vibrations of pain that radiated through my pelvic region with no remorse.

Before I could even sit up from my sprawled position on my side or address my hipbone, Rafael kicked me right in the stomach—sending the back of my head to meet the metal frame that elevated my mattress. The air that smashed violently out of my lungs erupted from my windpipes in a gurgled cough. Immediately he went in with another kick to my gut, and I feared that with how close he was to my ribcage he'd kick the lower bones in. After five more vision disgruntling kicks, he paused as I coughed up the thick saliva that formed from his action.

"You were doing so fucking well, Kiteyama. For you to tell one of our highest paying clients to _fuck_ _off_ …were you drunk?" The immigrant asked amidst my hacking.

I tried to think up of an acceptable explanation during my coughing. If I were to tell him that Shinji was straight up pissing me off, he'd beat me even more. If I were to tell him that he himself said I was 'off for the night,' he'd remind me of my status with a beating. Either way bruises and cracked bones seemed like my only option.

I saw the boots I wore last night next to where my head rested on the wooden floor; a business card of the Diner partially stuck out from the inner pocket.

…That was it.

"It was…for an asset," I managed weakly.

Rafael kicked me again.

"Speak up, Kiteyama!"

"It was for an asset!" I shouted back.

Rafael paused to listen and I continued.

"There was this guy at the Dive that seemed like he'd be a good recruit. I decided to put him to the test by using Shinji as his opponent. He fell for it and intervened—he's strong. I have to evaluate further, but he seems like he'd be fit for the job." I explained as I propped myself up off the floor.

He stood there taking in my explanation. The excruciating seconds that passed ignited my anxiety, and my heart beat loudly in my chest without my consent.

"What's his name?" He asked.

"I didn't catch it." I replied immediately.

I don't know why I did it. Something about giving Rafael his name just didn't feel right to me. If I was caught lying to Rafael, what he just did to me would've been child's play compared to what would be in store—and yet I lied about the entire thing.

"I gave him the card to the Diner; he said he'd come by. If I can observe him more, I can give you a more adequate answer." I quickly added.

Rafael sighed after another few moments, and stared down at me in a one-sided gaze through his sunglasses.

"Although your reasoning is acceptable, and I expect you to follow up—your actions are still inexcusable."

He started unbuckling his belt.

Rafael had a sick tendency of treating his whores as if we were his daughters; his belt as his number one punishment of choice.

-x-

Three hours into my shift went by, and my hip was literally killing me. I had a good amount of tables today, so there was plenty of striding back and forth. Involuntary yelps from time to time happened when I held more than three plates—it was ridiculous. Nevertheless, I pushed my way through the pain; the money was a necessity and I literally had to nut-up-or-shut-up.

"Kiteyama, go take your smoke break." My supervisor Sayuri said as I approached the bar top.

"All right, sounds good. Table 16 needs refills and 17 wants to place their order. Everyone else should be fine for now." I explained as I made my way to the back break room.

"Got it; have a good one." She said before grabbing a tray and walking off.

I quickly went into the back room to grab my purse and pea-coat. It was cold today, and the stupid required uniform was a damn dress; I'd freeze my ass off if it wasn't for this coat. Quickly, I took out one cigarette and my lighter before proceeding to the restricted lot behind the building.

As I stood there inhaling the comforting smoke, I wondered just what would happen now with the situation I stupidly put myself in. I wasn't counting on Shinji calling the handler to tattle-tale on my actions—what a little bitch that guy was. I knew that I probably should've attempted to swoon over him like he wanted, but I was just so damn tired and just wanted to eat to forget about that other hairy bastard. That's what I get for being a human I guess—beatings for my basic necessities.

At least Rafael was nice this morning and stopped after twenty lashes rather than the usual fifty. This morning was just a warning at the most when I really thought about it. Is it wrong to beat people regardless? Yes. Does it make it better that it wasn't as bad as it used to be? Hell yes. During my days where their trust in me was hesitant, any move that looked like an act of defiance would result in extreme consequence. Now after all the hard work, they finally trust me and give me more freedom than ever.

Only a few of us have our own apartment and are trusted to search for possible assets. After 5 years of spreading my legs to any 'Tom, Dick, or Harry'—as the Americans phrase it—I fucking deserve to be where I am. That damn whore house they kept me in was absolutely disturbing on nightmarish scales. It was like all of us were abused animals; kept in a small room that hardly allowed any open space to rest, only allowed to shower twice a week, food only at designated meal times, the fucking use of the _bathroom_ only at designated times. Heaven forbid one of us had our uterus take it's monthly revenge on us. The smell of the others bleeding through because it wasn't the designated time for the bathroom is something I don't think I will ever be able to carve out of my scent bank.

Although I didn't believe in an actual Kami, and mostly utilized his name since it just rolled off the tongue during my use of colorful vocabulary; I was thankful to whatever divine power helped me get out of that Hell hole.

Which brings me back to last night.

The fact that I would risk all the luxury I have now is so beyond me that I can't even comprehend. I was glad that I was able to at least come up with a decent excuse, but the last part of it still bothered the absolute shit out of me. Was it because I actually _was_ grateful to Hitsugaya for pulling Shinji off me, or was it because I hadn't met anyone who's made me laugh like that in years?

I thought of Miyuki and frowned.

I didn't have the option to let myself be an emotional wreck anymore. What happened, _happened_ , and there's no changing the past.

I sighed, and took another drag of my cigarette. I looked at my watch; 16:48—two hours and some change left before I'm out of this day-time dump. I really hope I'm not contracted tonight; a salt soak to soothe this morning's bruises sounded amazing.

I let the cigarette fall from my fingertips and let the breeze push it forward gently in front of me. I quickly stomped on it like it was a bug attempting to crawl away. I pivoted the ball of my foot over it with unnecessary force to make sure my surfacing thoughts of Miyuki died along with the remnant embers.

Once I felt satisfied with my childish behavior, I closed my eyes and leaned my head up to the sky. I took a deep breath of the cold air I took comfort in, and exhaled slowly.

"Let's get on with it." I whispered through the exhale.

About 17 more tables with only four crying children, three drunken men, and two beggars urinating on the side of the building later, and it was almost time to leave. I had about 15 minutes left, and honest to Kami _could not_ wait to go home and take a bath. If I had x-ray vision, I'd imagine my hip bone probably looked like a cracked sidewalk after a car crash with how much it pained me at this point. There's no way in Hell I didn't have a nice, splotchy bruise with purple as it's base color as it outstretched into hues of green and yellow. Hell, the work of art from said spot upward ought to be photographed and hung up on a wall with all the mesmerizing colors I'm sure it was. But Kami, only 15 more minutes until the comfort of salted, almost-boiling water was mine at long last.

"Oi, Kiteyama!" Sayuri broke my train of thought.

I was right in the middle of throwing some dishes into the sink while lost in my own thought-process to hear her the first time evidently—the woman practically shouted at me.

"Yes?" I called back as I made my way out of the back.

"I had to let Minata leave early; you have one more table to tend to." She said upon my approach. As I grimaced, she pointed over to the toward Minata's section. "Stay until he's done and then you can go."

I nodded reluctantly before Sayuri walked away to go tend to something else. This could literally take up to an hour, and I was just a stone's throw away from being off—Kami-dammit. I walked over to the counter the menus were kept, and grabbed one along with some napkins before marching over toward the section. I looked around the restaurant to see that there was still a fair amount of people left, and mentally thanked Kami I only had this last table.

I didn't even look up to the guy until the end of my usual spiel.

"Welcome to Izumi's, would you like some water to start off with today?"

Those damn aquamarine irises met mine as soon as I set down the utensils and napkins. He didn't say anything, and I couldn't help but let up the corner of my lips in a smirk.

"Well if it isn't _Romeo_. Here I thought you wouldn't stop by after your first run-in with my harsh banter." I handed him the menu.

Seeing him in the light allowed me to really take in his features compared to last night when I only had the dim lighting of the Dive and the moonlight. He was wearing a deep-burgundy long sleeved shirt today and a black tie that hung loosely around his neck. His facial structure was sharp; etched slightly on his cheekbones and jawline. My guess was that this guy was someone in his mid-late 20's since his face didn't quite screech 30. He had broad shoulders that didn't leave more than an inch of wiggle room in the fabric—my guess was that this guy worked out. The sleeves weren't too tight either, but made for a comfortable fit while still accentuating his features. Not gonna lie, the guy was actually good looking…although I'd never admit that aloud.

"I was in the area," he replied.

"Lucky you." I promptly replied back. "Well, what would you like to eat? I'll buy you a beer as promised."

I took out my miniature notepad and whipped out the pen I stuck through the high bun I tied my hair in.

"That won't be necessary," he replied as he continued to look over the menu.

I let out a half chuckle.

"Don't be modest—it's on me."

"I appreciate the offer, but I'll pass."

An adult male refusing free beer—that's a new one. I shook my head.

"If you say so. Want a water then?"

"Green tea if you wouldn't mind."

"You got it." I turned on my heel and made my way back toward the kitchen.

I'll be damned—he actually showed up. What a card this guy was. Was he really in the area, or did he purposely come by to try to catch some snatch? Then again—if the later was the case—he would have already tried last night when he walked me home. But _then again_ , he was into the whole 'Prince Charming' charade—maybe he wanted to try that storybook romance card and wait 'til at least the third date?

I paused as I filled the pre-boiled water into the teapot.

Wait a minute. Date? As in courtship? Was that really what was going on here? Was this guy actually interested in me as a person rather than a warm, moist cavern? The very thought almost made me bust into hysterics. I shook myself out of the thought before the water overflowed. I poured some out—since due to my lack of attention, it was filled to the rim—and then stirred in some matcha extract into the teapot.

"How juvenile." I mumbled aloud.

In this day and age, relationships and courtship was such a joke. All men wanted one thing, and one thing only—they'd do whatever it took to get it. The fact that I even let myself think of a relationship completely unrelated to sexual courtship wad beyond me. I had let my wall creep open a fraction of a crack, and now all these thoughts of innocence trickled in as if I'd placed an entrance sign out in front—it was ridiculous.

I made it back to the table and set down the tea cup in front of him. I poured him some tea as per regulation as I spoke.

"Any idea what you'd like to eat?"

He closed the menu and looked up at me as I set the teapot down.

"Meal #4 please."

"You got it."

He handed me the menu, and I took it after I jotted down the order. I walked away without another passing glance, and lost myself in the disarray my thoughts left me in.

His food came out quickly, and I walked it back over to him.

"I'm curious; what is it exactly you do?" I asked as I took the plates off my tray and set each plate in its designated area as if placing pawns strategically on a chessboard.

"On-Call work." He responded, taking a sip of his tea.

It took all of my power to not deadpan at his response.

"You mentioned that last night; I meant what company and/or profession?" I countered, holding my breath so I couldn't retort in a sarcastic slew of dry vocabulary.

He hesitated for a moment; taking the time to savor the taste of green tea extract. Once he swallowed down the substance, he looked down toward the meal with his reply.

"Why does it matter?"

I set down the last plate and handed him a pair of unbroken wooden chopsticks in a sleeve of paper.

"It was just a question; no need to get your panties in a bunch, Princess." I grinned…actually grinned.

He didn't make any movement implying discomfort at my comeback, but I felt deep in the pit of my gut that he was refraining from an eye roll. He took the chopsticks and removed the sleeve before snapping them apart.

"You could say I'm a maintenance worker of sorts."

I couldn't help but cock a brow. 'Of sorts'? What does that even mean? I decided to let it slide.

"I see. An On-Call maintenance worker. I never would've guessed; you don't seem like the handy-man type."

"You also don't seem like the waitress type." He shot back with an added smirk.

"Fancy that; both of us work jobs that aren't _suitable_ to our personalities—who would've thought?" I tapped the table with my two forefingers before turning around. "Enjoy your meal; I'll check up on you in a little bit."

I strutted toward the back room area, the grin etching my face out of the norm still present and on display. I don't know what it was about that guy, but my dry sense of humor being handed right back to me thrilled me for some reason. It was like he and I were playing an elaborate and strategic game that played off gestures, tones, and verbs, and I couldn't wait for another round.

"Woah, what's this? Is that a smile I see?"

Nobu leaned against the wall next to me; his arms crossed and one leg lightly placed over the other while a snake-like smirk spread across his face.

I narrowed my eyes subconsciously and took a damp rag to wipe down the stack of menus in front of me. He waited for any form of retaliation, and when he got none he continued.

"I didn't really think that a cute guy would be what it took for you to actually let up from your constant piss attitude, but looks like I was incorrect." He chuckled.

He was right. I shouldn't have let Hitsugaya break through my façade so easily. A rookie move on my end, really.

"Well, I can go from 0 to 100% pissed off in three seconds flat—wanna give it a go?"

Nobu chortled before standing again in an upright position.

"Nah, I prefer you with a demented smirk more than anything else; _happy_ looks good on you." He grinned before winking and walking away.

Happy?

I blushed.

" _Great. This is a fine mess I got myself into."_ I thought harshly.

I finished cleaning the menus and walked into the back room to grab another wet rag. I went back out to start wiping the tables and caught a glimpse of that white-haired trouble maker.

The fact that Nobu saw me like that was a clear indication that I had to stop whatever game it is I was trying to play. It could ruin my reputation and ultimately cost a great deal. From here forward it had to be all business with this punk. No more sarcasm, no more games.

"Kiteyama,"

My head snapped up from the table I leaned over, and I paused at the gaze of the devil causing all this mayhem. The way he pronounced my name…

I internally shook myself.

" _Back to business, you cretin!"_ I barked at myself.

I straightened myself up, shook off the rag, then walked over to his table.

"Yes?"

"Sorry to bother you; would you happen to have any daikon?" He asked.

Oh man. He left himself wide open for an elderly joke. Must…refrain…

"Daikon, daikon…let me go check for you." I bowed for whatever reason, and walked back to the kitchen.

"Oi, do we have any daikon?" I asked one of the cooks.

"Daikon? Someone asked for daikon?" He questioned.

"Yeah, you're tellin' me." I retorted.

After a hesitant pause, the cook went to the industrial fridge to look for it.

"Try the spices; we don't have any fresh daikon." He shrugged and went back to the grill.

Great.

I dug around the spice rack, proceeding to take out literally every single spice in search of his damn dried radish. After a few moments, I finally found it. I checked the expiration date—since this spice was practically untouched—to see that it was still good _surprisingly_. I walked it over.

"We only have kiroboshi-daikon; I hope that's okay." I said as I held it out to him.

" _What the Hell do you mean 'you hope?' Woman the fuck up."_

He gently took the spice from me.

"This will be fine; thank you for taking the time to look—I appreciate it."

The way he spoke those few words to me, and met my eyes for confirmation of his gratitude—I was at a loss.

"No problem." I quickly responded. "Anything else you needed?"

"No, that was all I needed—thanks." He responded.

I started to turn around, but as I did he stopped me.

"Kiteyama,"

I turned back around.

"Yeah?"

"You said you had a late night job; yet this restaurant closes in two hours. I'm assuming you have another job?" He asked as he continued eating.

Oh Kami, he's setting me up. But I have to remain professional. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it…

"Why does it matter?"

Fuck. I replied mockingly anyway. Kami-fucking-dammit.

I cracked a smirk and he shot an almost deadpan face right back at me. I chuckled.

"I, uh, do On-Call work at night."

He took another sip of his tea.

"Near Mameha's?"

"Generally near that area, yes." I replied. "It could be wherever though, it depends."

"And what type of On-Call work is it?" He asked.

Generally, I had almost zero problem when it came to saying exactly what type of service I do. There's a variety of colorful titles I like to use, typically depending on the mood I'm in. There's the usual terms that are used broadly like Prostitute, Hooker, Common Whore, and so forth, but I typically like to use Succubus for a more edgy term. However, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him exactly what I was. Something about revealing that I'm literally a meat sack for pleasure just didn't sit right in this situation. I didn't know how else to phrase it to him.

"Entertainment." I blurted.

" _Kami, I'm such a fool."_

"Entertainment?" He questioned.

"Yes. A Doxy if you will." I nervously wiped the table in front of him.

"Doxy? I've never heard of it," he replied as he handed me an empty plate.

"Yeah, that's probably for the best." I borderline squeaked.

Kami this was so nerve-wrecking. What the Hell was wrong with me?

"Do you know if you're working tonight?" he asked.

Oh what the—

"I don't know, probably." I dusted myself off and took the plates he stacked. "I'm off from here after you're done eating. If you can wait for a few minutes, I'll give you some info." I prompted.

I placed a copy of his bill on the table and turned to walk back.

"The tea is on me; just shut up and accept it—I hate feeling like I owe anyone anything. I'll be back when you finish eating."

I walked to the back and put his plate in the sink.

Why did it matter to him whether or not I worked tonight? Was he trying to set up a date with me or something?

After a few more minutes of cleaning up the back area, I went back out to check on him. He was finished eating, so I quickly took the rest of his plates, wiped off the table and hurried to the back.

"Sayuri," I called.

"Yeah?" she responded from the back storage.

"I'm taking off here in a few minutes; I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a good night!"

I grabbed my purse and peacoat, then went to Hitsugaya's table. He had exact change—thank Kami—so I walked it up to the cash register and completed the transaction as he came up to the front of the stand.

"You want a receipt?"

"No thanks,"

I slammed the cash register shut, and promptly whizzed by Hitsugaya out the door. I waited for him outside the glass doors as I searched for my cigarettes, and once I found them he was already by my side. I took out a blank piece of paper from my notepad and the pen from my hair, then jotted down Rafael's work cell along with his name on it.

"My services range from 15 minutes to an hour and a half depending on the type of _entertainment_ desired. Just call the number on the card and he'll direct you accordingly once you ask for me. If you want something specifically, you have to request that ahead of time. That's all there is to it." I explained briefly.

Kami, I shouldn't do it—do me a solid and don't let me do it.

"Are you busy at 21:00?" I blurted; he hesitated as I looked away and took a drag.

" _Akinoyo, you're a fucking piece of shit."_

No. You know what? He was the one who originally asked if I was busy tonight. If anything, this was just business. It was all for business. I asked him to meet me later to discuss business. That's all it was. I'm smarter than I make myself out to be—I'm no chump.

"What did you have in mind?" He asked.

There was a look in his eyes that I couldn't quite make out. Could it have been hesitancy? He inspected me as if I were troubling him, like he wanted to say something that was on the tip of his tongue, but couldn't bring himself to formulate the words. Was I really that interesting of a person to him?

"Meet me at Mameha's in my booth. Let's get some beer—or in your case tea. Sound good?"

He nodded, and I turned my back to him.

"See you tonight, _Romeo,"_


	3. Chapter 3

"J-J-Just run!" I screeched.

I outstretched my arms in front of him as a willing sacrifice for the two wolves in front of us. Light-headed with warm liquid trickling down my face; I could've collapsed at any moment, but I had to hold my ground—giving up was out of the question.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Kiteyama?" Tatsu shouted at me.

I stood my ground and glared into the green-eyed pursuer in front of me—not daring to let up even an inch.

"Kiteyama, stand down or it will be tenfold worse for you!" Rafael warned through his gritted teeth. The snarl-like tone laced with his words told me he meant business—I was in deep shit.

No matter what I did, my punishment was already set in stone. I didn't have a way out of this, but the innocent male behind me did. Why wasn't he running away like I told him to? What could a guy like him—that barely even knows me—hope to accomplish against them? My previous thoughts kept repeating over and over again in my head; _this was my fault—Hitsugaya didn't deserve this._

He had to get out of here.

"Hitsugaya! Go now befo—"

_Bang._

**-Three Hours Earlier-**

"You look nervous."

"Shut up, Sano."

He laughed that snide laugh of his anyway, and continued to wipe down my table.

"I can't help it; your facial expression is hilarious. I've never seen you actually act like a female before—a high school one at that."

"You know, I've still got the right-hook of a heavy-weight champ; I don't mind giving it a go for you." I growled.

"There's the demented she-male we know and love! I was afraid we'd lost you!" Sano laughed as he stuck the rag in his pocket.

"Sano, just shut the fuck up and get me a beer." I glared.

"Hai, hai, _Aki-Aki_ ," He chortled.

" _Kami, give me strength to restrain my ring hand from colliding with his face."_

I exhaled as he walked away, and once he was a good distance I opened up the window and lit my paper-wrapped tobacco stick.

Me? Nervous? Yeah, right. I think that if anything this would be classified under anxiety. I'd never actually had the pleasure of determining whether or not someone was an asset; I didn't even really know how to begin with it. Was I supposed to blatantly ask if he'd like to join a crime organization?

'Hey, you look like you can't beat the shit out of people—wanna work for the biggest gang in the district next to the Yakuza? _'_ Yeah, that would totally work.

I took a puff.

I had to be cautious; what if this guy was an under-cover cop or something? I could get into some serious shit over this. I needed to choose my words wisely, and overall proceed with a smooth, easy-going tone—two things I wasn't the best at.

At 20:58 on the dot, the glass double-doors opened; the tall, pretty-boy walking in.

They say you can tell a lot about a person based on their movements and mannerisms—if that were the case then this guy was far beyond in actual class than all the other males I've come into contact with. His stride was confident, smooth and without fault; his posture was straightened, yet just a smidge of a loose-ness eased his shoulders. This guy had his shit together—that much was apparent. If he worked in the corporate business world I'd assume he'd have a higher-up position that involved management of the lower peons. He looked fierce and collected, yet something about him seemed off to me—like something was beneath that façade that not a lot of people picked up on.

All that from a three-second strut to the table? Well damn.

"Yo." I greeted.

"Yo." He greeted back as he slid into the side of the booth he occupied last night.

Before either of us could say any more, Sano came by the table to see if Hitsugaya needed anything and to drop off my beer. Sano turned to look at me as he slid the beverage my way so he could slyly pass judgement that only I could see. Why I still came to Mameha's with this bo-zo here to torment me was beyond me. I subtly glared at him, and he smirked before walking away. The bastard was gonna give me shit for this later—that much was assured.

"Tell me about yourself, Kiteyama," Hitsugaya broke my train of thought.

I looked back over to him to see him gazing out the window. I took the opportunity to display a disgruntled facial expression briefly before he turned to look at me. This guy really was something else; he was the straight-to-the-point type, and I couldn't say that I hated that about him.

"My, my, someone's interest in me seems to be pretty fierce. Before I delve into the topic of my inner workings, I'm wondering—why is it that you seem so intrigued by an asshole like me?" I smirked.

If he was going to be straight-to-the-point, then I didn't see any reason why I couldn't be toward him either. I had my reasons for interest in him, but he'd never once said exactly what his interest in me was. Curiosity was getting the better of me at this point, and as much as I had actual business to attend to, peeking inside this guy's mind was too intriguing to pass up.

Sano came back with Hitsugaya's green tea, and after he took a sip, he responded to me.

"You seem familiar; I'm trying to determine whether or not we've met before."

So there's a couple of flaws with his answer that I immediately picked up on. One, if I were a normal adult female, I would've already pointed the same question back at him, and he would've had his answer. Two, no person in their right mind would care enough to stick around longer than a few minutes to figure it out; he would've asked me last night rather than wait almost an entire day. Three, the answer seemed too simple to be the real case; I'm no detective, but I can spot when someone is only unveiling the tip of the iceberg.

"I see," I responded as casually as I could. "Well, I don't remember ever meeting you before; that dyed white hair of yours sticks out like a sore thumb—I'm sure that I'd maybe remember that at the very least."

"It's not dyed actually—it's my natural color. You're right; if you did know me from before you would've known that at the least." He replied.

I cocked an eye.

"Not dyed, huh? Well the color suits you." I complemented.

Wait a minute.

" _Is it my Kami-damn time of the month or something?"_ I grimaced internally at my own behavior and steeled myself by taking a drag of my cigarette.

"Thanks for the complement," Hitsugaya smirked before taking hold of the tea cup.

"So, still uncertain? Want me to answer your questions or are you satisfied with my response to your original inquiry?" I prompted.

"Not quite," he began. "Although it is an indicator, I'm still left with an unsettled feeling."

Well, here goes nothing.

"Kiteyama Akinoyo; age 26 probably; hair black, eyes lavender; 157.5 centimeters; current residence the Hayamatsu District. I've lived in Hayamatsu as long as I can remember—I've never actually left the city before, so I'm rooted here unfortunately. My favorite things are cigarettes, beer, foul-mouthed conversations, Sugi Trees and onsen. Granted I've never been to a legitimate onsen, but one can dream." I took a drag.

As soon as I finished my explanation I realized that it was a bit of a mouthful. I couldn't say I wasn't a bit embarrassed.

"What do you mean 'probably' when it comes to your age?" He asked.

Well, he was the quick witted type—I couldn't say I wasn't surprised he picked up on that tidbit.

"I mean I think I'm 26. I don't really know." I answered.

He took a moment to assess my statement. It definitely was confusing, but then again I was a pretty confusing person.

"Adopted?" He questioned.

"Memory-loss actually." I smiled.

He cocked an eye at me and I continued.

"I don't remember anything from before five years ago aside from my name. Who the Hell knows just who I was before." I took a drink. "I really hope I was as much of a smart-ass as I am now though—that'd be ideal." I smirked.

I'd gotten over the curiosity about my past life long ago. 'I'm living in the now, and that's all that I should be focusing on,' is what I keep reminding myself any time my mind wanders to the topic. I don't have the time, nor the opportunity to really go digging into the past regardless. Focusing on something that I have no control over is literally an emotional waste of time.

"Kiteyama," Hitsugaya broke my train of thought—something he evidently was making a habit of. "May I ask about your first memory?"

Okay. Um. What?

I chuckled.

"So inquisitive aren't we, Hitsugaya?" I smirked.

He didn't say anything; just stared at me with a look I hadn't seen before. It surpassed curiosity—concern perhaps?

"My first memory isn't one I'm particularly fond of to say the least. I'd rather not delve into the topic if you don't mind." I flicked the ash from my cigarette. "I answered your question, now answer one of mine,"

I took a deep inhale of my cancer stick, and exhaled the smoke out through the screen.

"How long have you been fighting?"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb, Hitsugaya. The way you flung that guy off me," I looked into his teal orbs in seriousness. "You're a fighter, am I wrong?"

He looked right back into me with those fierce eyes of his, and I fought back the quiver they made me want to give.

"Kiteyama, what does that have—"

"Listen, there's a reason why I invited you out this evening." I interrupted. He didn't take any offense, but let me continue. "I'm looking for someone of physical strength that's in for some good pay—you look like you can fit the bill."

The look he shot was inquisitive, but ultimately looked concerned again more than anything else.

"Hitsugaya, I happen to be someone who looks for muscle for a certain organization. If I deem someone suitable, I'm to inform the organization for possible recruitment if the said someone is interested." I took a quick drag before continuing. "How much do you make at your normal job?"

Hitsugaya took another sip of his tea, and looked me right in the eye as he asked his next question.

"How did you get that bruise on your arm?"

I blinked in confusion. It took me no longer than two seconds to realize just what he was talking about. Rafael's grip on me this morning—the bruise that wrapped around my forearm from when he grabbed and threw me was the least of the injuries I worried about.

I took my arm off the table, and settled it in my lap.

"Pay it no mind," I quickly, yet as collected as possible stated as I looked out the window.

"This organization you're referring to; tell me, just what kind of organization is it?" He questioned.

"A prosperous one." I answered.

"Kiteyama," Hitsugaya began, leaning forward in his seat just a fraction enough to get my attention. I looked back at him to see him completely focused on me.

"Are they the reason why you wince every time you take a step?"

I couldn't help but gulp at the intensity of his question. His deductive skills were impressive, but I couldn't blatantly tell him the truth. I had to get him to _join_ the organization, not resent them.

"Again, pay it no mind." I quickly looked away.

"Why do you hesitate?" He pressed. "Why stay with an organization that harms you, Kiteyama?"

This wasn't good. This wasn't good _at all._ He was getting under my façade, and more importantly diving into the wrong end of the pool when it came to joining the organization. I had to stop this before he—

"Kiteyama, you're in danger aren't you?"

I stopped and literally just stared at him. What the Hell was this guy? Why the fuck did he seem to care so much? I mean, yeah, technically I was always in somewhat dangerous circumstances, but nothing ever happened unless I deliberately fucked something up. Yes, clients would get violent from time to time, but it was nothing that I wasn't used to or couldn't handle.

As I thought about his words, it became clear to me then and there that Hitsugaya wasn't cut out for this line of work. The fact that he cared about the well-being of anyone said that much alone. Sure, he probably could fight and he probably could take someone down with ease, but that unwavering desire to help someone—not someone, _a lowly whore like me_ —was going to get him killed in this line of work.

My bracelet beeped loudly before I could say anything else. I lifted my left wrist up—the bruise he pointed out purple and screaming—and saw that the light on my bracelet was yellow. I had a client.

"Great," I whispered under my breath.

"Sano! I need the bill!" I called.

"What's going on?" Hitsugaya asked.

"Duty calls." I held my bracelet up to him. "Hitsugaya, listen; forget about what I said earlier. A guy like you is too much of a Prince Charming type to get yourself involved with scum—I was wrong about you, and in this case it's a good thing I was. Do me a favor—forget you ever met me."

Sano set the bill on the table, and I immediately set the coins on the tray provided. He took the tray before walking away, and I stood up with the glass of beer and took a deep breath.

"Our little game was fun while it lasted," I smirked before I chugged the beer and set the glass on the table.

As soon as my hand left the tempered glass, my wrist was seized delicately. I snapped my head at him, and he didn't once waver his gaze.

"Kiteyama, you don't have to do this. There's always a way out; you don't have to let yourself be subjected to cruelty."

For a brief fraction of a second, something sparked within me that made my breathing hollow. The way he'd said those words; so confident and assuring, like what he said was the truth and could actually happen. His gentle hold on my wrist, as if he could provide the security and salvation that I once yearned for more than anything. But It was too late for that kind of naivety for me. Those feelings of hope I locked away behind a steel door long ago, and I wasn't about to let myself even think about opening up that door again. Hitsugaya made the doorknob slightly jiggle with his kind words and gesture, but I wasn't about to unlock that door. He could twist the knob, and knock all he wanted, but there was no way in Hell I would let myself fall into that false sense of hope ever again.

I smiled as I rose my hand out of his grasp.

"You're gonna make one lucky girl incandescently happy one day with that caring personality of yours, Hitsugaya; the last train leaves out the slums in an hour—don't miss it."

I turned away from him, and without another glance back exited Mameha's and walked down the sidewalk.

That was too close for comfort. I hated that I had a client to attend to, but at the same time I was grateful for the call. I hadn't let anyone make me feel that close to a human being in a long time—it was dangerous. Thoughts of escaping this Hell-hole of a lifestyle I live were literally hazardous to my mental health.

I slowed my pace for a brief moment.

" _Miyuki…is this what you—"_

"Stop it _right fucking now._ " I scolded myself aloud.

I shook my head and picked up the pace to get to the rendezvous point.

I didn't have time to think about her…I didn't _want_ to think about her. She brought nothing but sad memories…I couldn't afford to let myself fall here.

"You like that, don't you bitch? You can't tell me you don't like that,"

It took every ounce of restraint I had in me to not to rip this guy a new asshole with vicious sarcasm.

"I don't like it— _I love it_ ," I fake-moaned as my body shifted with his thrusts.

This new guy wasn't too surprising compared to all the others I've endured so far. He was into the dominant role as most were, and man-handled me accordingly. I was up on all fours with him hunched over me and plowing into me from behind. I could feel the sweat from his ballsack as it slapped against me with each audibly wet thrust; I was honestly impressed with the control of my gag-reflex these days—had it been a few years back, the wet smacking sound would've made me throw up all over the hotel's bed sheets.

He continued like a jack-rabbit on a hot day, and any form of pleasure that could've possibly trickled into me was lost at the rapid way he reamed me. It had been a full 30 minutes and I could tell this guy wasn't going to last very much longer. Here came the part where I had to perfectly time my fake orgasm—I'd developed the action perfectly over the years that the actual execution took minimal effort at this point.

"Faster, faster," I exhaled in a moan. A little encouragement never hurt my chances of ending things faster.

He complied, and picked up the pace as he himself moaned like a fucking cow. I continued the moaning and added some squealing along with gripping the pillows in a quick, and slick action. Here came the final act: heavy breathing, seizure of my unrestrained breasts beneath me, and cut off breaths from the two of us.

There it was.

He finished.

It was over.

Thank Kami.

He exhaled with satisfaction, and slowly retracted himself out of my—now throbbing—vagina. He got off the bed, and slipped off his provided condom; throwing it immediately into the trash. He immediately went to the bathroom as I took a tissue to clean my genitalia off. I threw away the disgusting tissue, and gathered my clothes off the nearby coffee table to begin dressing myself.

By the time I was done with getting on my pants and boots, he came out and sat next to me on the bed, leaning toward me and drinking me in with his eyes.

"Onee-chan," He called.

"Hai, Aniki?" I responded with the most painfully sweet voice I could muster.

"How much is it for you to take that off?" He asked.

I looked over at him with an innocent smile.

"To take what off, Aniki?" I asked pleasantly.

"This," He rested his hand on my corset.

Taking my corset off was forbidden to all my clients. Each one at one point or another asked for it off, but I lied and told each of them that part of the program was that the corset stayed on—which of course was a lie. They technically were allowed to have every inch of me in whatever fashion they wanted for the right price, but I wasn't about to tell them that. I only offered a handful of services, and that was it—no 'ands, ifs, or buts.' I didn't want to show anyone what was under my corset. Hell, most of the time I myself didn't like looking at it.

"Unfortunately the taking off of this corset is not allowed by the services, Aniki; if the rule ever changes I'll be sure to give _you_ a call first," I winked and giggled like a high school girl at him.

"Aw, that's no fun, Onee-chan," he border-lined pouted.

All men were such fucking babies. Seriously.

"Aww, don't be sad Aniki! I'll make it more fun for you next time!" I straddled his lap and put his hands on my still naked breasts in an effort to make him forget about it—it worked.

"Oh, I _can't_ wait." He grinned, moving my breasts around in circles beneath his palms.

I giggled for added effect before getting up and putting my bra and shirt on. Once I fished getting dressed, he gave me the money, I said the usual phrase along with the bow, and then I left the hotel room.

Rafael met me as soon as I got to the bottom of the staircase, and fell into step with me immediately. I took the cash out of my pocket and inserted it into his pocket.

"40 this time—basic. 80% chance he'll be a regular." I told him.

I took out the cigarette pack from my purse and readied myself to light the stick between my lips with my lighter.

"I see; good job, Kiteyama." He said.

I was surprised to say the least; Rafael _never_ complemented me for any reason. I thought that especially after this morning he would treat me differently, but I guess I thought wrong.

"You have another new client right now, Kiteyama. Be sure to make him come crawling back for more." Rafael grinned.

I took a deep drag of my cigarette and turned the corner with him toward the other hotel. In all honesty I _hated_ new clients. A new client meant that Rafael would wait for me in the shadows outside until I was finished. I liked taking my sweet time walking back to the rendezvous point rather than spending more time than I wanted with this steel-toed-boot-wearing fuck next to me. But I guess racking in new regulars was a bonus—it made me look better than all the other whores within this shit-show company.

We approached the hotel, and Rafael took out the key to the room from his pocket.

"Room 206. Nothing requested specifically." He said as I took the key he dangled in front of me.

"How many minutes until he arrives?"

Rafael looked at his watch.

"Four minutes. He already has a key."

"Got it." I walked past Rafael and started up the stairs to the room.

It didn't take me long to find it, and I immediately went in and went straight to the bathroom. I loved it when there weren't any special requests beforehand; I didn't have to rush to put on an outfit, and I could spruce myself up a bit before the client got there. On top of that, I didn't have to do too much foreplay—it was a quick and simple fuck most of the time. The only downside this time was that I didn't get to take a quick rinse—poor sap; he'd get sloppy seconds.

I swished some of the minty travel-sized mouthwash I kept in my purse and spit it out. I applied a little bit of tinted, rosy-colored lip gloss the regulars found to be pleasant, and then wiped off any smeared makeup from under my eyes. I sprayed some lightly scented body spray, and as I did I heard the front door's deadbolt unlock. I quickly took off my boots, pants, and peacoat to go for the 'sexy-shirt-only' look, and left them folded on the counter.

This was it.

Showtime.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and took a deep breath. My lavender eyes looked dull and my overall facial expression seemed drained. I grinned as hugely as possible to make my mopey facial features come back to life, and then dropped myself down to a small smile before exiting the bathroom.

My smile was immediately wiped off my face in one foul swoop as soon as I stepped through the doorframe.

 _Hitsugaya_ sat on the bed, and he rose to stand as soon as I emerged from the restroom. He inspected me, and a faint trace of a blush spread across his face as I tried to comprehend just what the fuck was going on.

What was he doing here? Why did he—

"Kiteyama," He broke my train of thought.

I let the bathroom door close slowly behind me. I balled my fists and looked toward the ground with my own blush of embarrassment threatening to heat my cheeks. I…I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want him to really figure out just who I was. I didn't want him to know that I was a common whore. A part of me wanted to pretend that to him I…was just a regular, _decent_ human being.

" _You're such a fool."_

I switched my emotional self-destruction dial quickly, and twisted it to the 'wing-it' mode.

"So, you've come for some _entertainment,_ ne?"

I walked over to him and sat on the bed adjacent to him. He turned around to look at me, and I began to unbutton the cuffs of my sleeves.

"Kite—"

"So what'll it be, Hitsugaya?" I interrupted as I began to unbutton my blouse.

"A hand-job is the cheapest. It's about 10,000 Yen and lasts 15 minutes. Next is a blow-job for 20,000, then basic sex is about 40,000 depending on how far you want to take it. If you want to go further you—"

Hitsugaya stopped me by taking hold of my hands and halting me from taking off my fully unbuttoned blouse any further. He was kneeled in front of me, and looked me dead in the eye before pulling the fabric that had revealed my naked shoulders back onto me properly.

"I'm not here for that, Kiteyama." He said as he took his hands off me and looked away with the faintest trace of a blush from how close he was to me. "Button your shirt up, and put your pants back on—there's no need for you to reveal yourself to me."

Well.

Baffled didn't quite cover the emotion I felt.

An adult male refusing to have sex with me when I deliberately made myself readily available…just what kind of creature was Hitsugaya Toushirou?

I scoffed.

Since I didn't really know how to handle what was happening, I immediately went into my fallback emotion—anger.

"If you're not here to fuck me, then just what the fuck do you want from me Hitsugaya? We already figured out that you don't know me from before and that I don't remember you—what more is there?" I buttoned up my blouse.

As soon as I stopped talking, he walked over to the bathroom and came back out with my pants and boots. I finished with the buttons on my blouse and hunched forward with my elbows on my knees, Hitsugaya turned back to look at me, albeit reluctantly since I still didn't have pants on.

"Kiteyama, I know exactly what happened to you five years ago. I want to help you get out of this rut you're in, and I want to help you return back to where you belong."

I heard my own heartbeat in my ears.

It couldn't be true…he…he was lying.

I shook my head fiercely. I couldn't let this happen; I couldn't escape this Hell I drowned in—it was impossible. Hitsugaya was unravelling me in a way no man had ever done before…and I couldn't let him continue.

"Hitsugaya, unless you're here to have sex with me, you have to leave and you have to do it now. While it's kind that you want to help me, _I am beyond help._ You're going to get yourself hurt if you continue this. Either fuck me, or leave now. If you stay any longer then they will demand payment, and when payment isn't received, they'll come after you, and _they will hurt you,_ Hitsugaya."

I got up and stared him down with the most stern demeanor I could muster.

"What's it gonna be?"

He stood up and looked down right back at me. I didn't waver, and held myself together the best I could.

"Neither." He responded.

Emotion washed over me as that locked steel door in my mind sounded loudly with knocking from within. Hitsugaya prompted hope to seep from the cracks of the door, and I couldn't let it escape at all costs.

I pushed him away from me, and tried to regain control of my breathing—to no avail.

"Just who the fuck do you think _you_ are? You think I need _you_ to _save_ _me_ like I'm some Kami-damned damsel in distress? This isn't a fucking romance novel, Hitsugaya—I don't _need_ anyone. I don't _need_ your fucking help. I've been doing just fine—I can fend for myself like I always have. I've never had anyone fucking help me, and I'm not going to fucking start now!"

I was steaming. I hadn't been as emotionally angry like this since Miyuki. Hitsugaya was ruining me; the emotions he caused just by his presence alone was bad enough, but now he offered salvation? He was breaking through my walls with every word that left that fucking convincing mouth of his.

"You call that splotchy hip of yours 'doing just fine?'" He zeroed in on it.

I scoffed loudly and turned around to put on my pants. I'd had enough. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't be here any longer. I zipped up my boots and put on my coat.

"You don't belong here, Kiteyama; you—"

"Get out of here _now_ if you value your life, Hitsugaya. Don't you dare fucking follow me." I cut him off with a growl.

"Kiteyama—"

I stomped past him and slammed the door behind me.

I quickly ran down the stairs, and in no time at all, Rafael ran up to me as I fast-walked down the sidewalk.

"Kiteyama, what happened?" He asked.

"He didn't want the services—he's going to leave the room right now." I quickly said.

"What do you mean he 'didn't want the services?' What the fuck did you do?" Rafael shot at me angrily.

"I didn't _do_ anything, Rafael, he just didn't want the services!" I retorted with more anger than intended.

Shit. I was still flustered. This was bad—he wouldn't believe me.

"Bullshit, Kiteyama! You know that it's against our policy to let clients just go like that!"

I didn't slow my pace. I didn't want Hitsugaya to catch up to us. I had to get as far away as—

"Stop right now, Kiteyama!"

Rafael grabbed my bruised wrist and tugged me to a halt. I sucked in air to stifle letting out a yelp as I looked at him with a relentless glare that matched the one he gave me through his shades.

"Tell me what the fuck happened _right now,_ Kiteyama." Rafael threatened.

Before I could even say anything, a fist collided with Rafael's face, and he went flying to the ground. Although shock overwhelmed me, I traced the direction the fist came from to the person it belonged to. Hitsugaya stood in Rafael's place, and I did the only thing I could think of for his sake.

I grabbed his wrist and bolted.

"Kiteyama!" Rafael screeched at me.

" _Fuck fuck fuck, what do I do now?"_ I panicked.

"What are you doing Kiteyama?" Hitsugaya questioned behind me.

"You need to get out of here now! Follow me and I'll get him off your trail!" I frantically said through pants.

Hitsugaya quickly ran by my side, and I sprinted as fast as I could down the alley and turned the corner.

"You're a fucking bakayaro, Hitsugaya! Why the fuck did you follow me?" I shot at him.

"I couldn't let you go back to get beat again, Kiteyama; you don't deserve to be treated like that!" He retorted.

"Fucking moron!" I raised up my wrist. "See this bracelet? It's a tracker that I can't take off—I can't escape them even if I fucking wanted to! There's no hope for me, Hitsugaya! I'm a lost cause!"

"You're not, Kiteyama; don't give up hope on yourself!"

He looked ahead at where we were going, and all I could do was stare into the side of him. He was so confident; so sure that everything would be okay. So sure that I could leave this place with him. He was so optimistic…yet my pessimism was still too strong to let his good intentions take the wheel.

"Kami-fucking-damn you, Hitsugaya," I muttered. "Turn here!"

We made a quick left and came upon a metal fence. I quickly scaled up it, and once Hitsugaya made sure that I was over it, he quickly climbed up and over it; jumping down to the ground next to me and continuing to run by my side.

We ran for another five minutes before coming up on a dead end.

"Fuck!" I grunted, looking around.

The intersection was under unforeseen construction, and a massive truck literally blocked the only other exit. I looked around like a frantic mouse for an exit and couldn't see one. With my damn tracker, it wouldn't be long before Rafael found us. I didn't care about the beating I'd receive at this point, I just wanted Hitsugaya to escape before they hurt him. Hitsugaya didn't deserve to get mixed up in this, I didn't want anyone to get killed over me. I had to get him out of here at all—

"Kiteyama!" Rafael shouted.

"Fuck!" I quietly whimpered.

He was around the corner—the echo of his voice told me I had less than a minute to figure something out. I ran up to the truck to see if there was a way I could possibly break into it. There was a small opening to the side of it that would allow one person to squeeze through at a time.

"Hitsugaya!" I waved him hurriedly. "This is the only option; go through here now! Get out of here while you still can!" I urged.

"I'm not leaving you here to get beat, Kiteyama; you're coming with me." He ordered sternly.

"How many times do I have to fucking tell you? Get the fuck out of here!"

"There you are!"

" _Fuck!"_

I turned around quickly to see Rafael casually walk up to us with Tatsu by his side, a cat-like grin painted across his face since he finally cornered his two mice. Tatsu looked thrilled as well; it'd been a while since he'd helped Rafael pummel anyone to my knowledge—he looked like he was a thrilled child that just arrived at an amusement park.

I glared at the both of them as they crept closer to us. Hitsugaya's presence was still behind me. Why didn't he just listen to me? Didn't he value his existence?

"So tell us, Kiteyama, just what the fuck are you trying to do here?" Rafael began. "Why on earth would a whore like you be harboring someone who hurt your keeper?"

I tried my utmost to not gulp at his tone. Rafael was having fun with this—which meant that he was going to get off on the beating and rape sure to come.

"He didn't know what he was getting into; he saw a female being man-handled and misunderstood; he didn't mean it." I tried to explain.

"Didn't mean it? That cross punch of his says otherwise, Kiteyama! Regardless of the intent, no one gets away with hitting me, _ever._ " Raphael smirked.

Shit. They weren't gonna let it slide…Hitsugaya had to make a break for it, and he had to do it now.

Suddenly, Hitsugaya sprang at the two of them with a speed I was hardly able to even follow from the surprise. He went straight for Rafael first, and when Tatsu came at him to get him off Rafael, Hitsugaya quickly countered by dodging the initial grab. As Hitsugaya push-kicked Rafael right before his knife came in for a slash, Tatsu reared up his brass-knucked fist.

Hitsugaya wouldn't be able to counter Tatsu in time—he was outnumbered.

He was going to get hit.

I..had to…

I sprinted forward, and pushed Hitsugaya out of the way—Tatsu's brass-knuckles scrapping clear across the side of my head in a blinding strike.

"Kiteyama!" Hitsugaya shouted.

Hitsugaya went for a high-kick to Tatsu's face, and successfully connected the blow with ease.

I was hunched over in pain, holding my head. Stars clouded my vision, and I felt like passing out. I walked out of the direct line of fire, and tried to control my shaken pants.

"Kiteyama!" Hitsugaya was by my side, studying my wound and gripping my shoulders to keep me up. "What were you thinking, Kiteyama?" He scolded gently.

Through my quivering jaw, I managed a small smirk.

"Y-You could say _'thank you,'_ " I chuckled lowly.

"Bakayaro," he muttered back.

I grinned at him; the eye on the wounded side of my head closed from the pain, making it look like I was a kid about to give a sappy thumbs-up.

I pushed him gently toward the exit, and before I could say anything, the movements from behind us made my adrenaline spike; stiffening me up like a board.

I turned around to see both of the handlers on their feet and facing us. If they were pissed before, they were _livid_ now. The grins on their faces before had turned into clenched, gritted teeth as they both closed in on us. This was it, no more games—they were coming in for the kill.

I pushed Hitsugaya toward the exit before stepping in front of him.

"J-J-Just run!" I screeched.

I outstretched my arms in front of him as a willing sacrifice for the two wolves in front of us. Light-headed with warm liquid trickling down my face; I could've collapsed at any moment, but I had to hold my ground—giving up was out of the question.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Kiteyama?" Tatsu shouted at me.

I stood my ground and glared into the green-eyed pursuer in front of me—not daring to let up even an inch.

"Kiteyama, stand down or it will be tenfold worse for you!" Rafael warned through his gritted teeth. The snarl-like tone laced with his words told me he meant business—I was in deep shit.

No matter what I did, my punishment was already set in stone. I didn't have a way out of this, but the innocent male behind me did. Why wasn't he running away like I told him to? What could a guy like him—that barely even knows me—hope to accomplish against them? My previous thoughts kept repeating over and over again in my head; _this was my fault—Hitsugaya didn't deserve this._

He had to get out of here.

"Hitsugaya! Go now befo—"

_Bang._

My eyes shut so tight it hurt. Time seemed to slow as the after-shot high-pitched ringing dominated my senses and vibrated through my chest.

Did they shoot me? Did they shoot Hitsugaya? I was too scared to open my eyes to look.

I heard a faint mumble, but I couldn't make out the words. It kept repeating itself over and over again, getting louder each time.

"Oi!"

I felt someone grab my shoulders.

My eyes shot open, and my heart raced with the panic delayed prior from the shock. I couldn't see anything at first aside from blurs. I blinked more and more through my staggered breaths, until finally one color above every other one displayed itself in front of me. The color that I couldn't get enough of at that moment; the color that promised so much for so little; the color that invited the steel door within me to unlock, and creak open just fraction.

"Kiteyama, stay with me!" Hitsugaya shook me.

I grinned as I felt myself lean forward.

"My _hero,_ " I slurred.

Darkness fell upon me, and I let it consume me.


	4. Chapter 4

" _M-Miyuki…are you still awake?"_

" _Hai, hai; I'm up,"_

_I hesitated; nervousness exuded me and escaped through my next stuttered words._

" _C-Can I s-sleep next to you?" I whispered._

_It was so late, and Miyuki had worked more than all of us had today. She must've been so tired…yet here I was, unable to handle my own mental insecurity and pleading for her comfort. I was such a terrible person._

" _Hai, hai; come here, Akinoyo-chan," she whispered back._

_Her tone seemed so unaffected by her fatigue; the only thing I was able to hear was the welcoming and pleasant tone she wanted me to hear._

_I sniffled and wiped my tears as I sat up._

_My eyes adjusted to the pitch black room as much as possible, and I tried my best to navigate myself quietly over the sleeping bodies on the floor. Miyuki generally slept near the window, and I slept in the very corner of the room against the wall due to my claustrophobia of laying in-between the other females._

" _What are you doing? Go to sleep." One of the women groggily told me when I accidently stumbled over her thigh._

" _S-S-Sorry," I whispered._

_When I finally made it to the window, Miyuki's warm hand reached for me and connected with my arm. She slid her hand down to my elbow and then behind my back to pull me closer to her. I yearned for her touch, and emotionally released myself in the comfort of her grasp._

" _I'm here, Akinoyo-chan—I'll always stay awake for you," she cooed softly in my ear so that only I could hear. "Come on now; try to get some sleep, okay?"_

_She pulled me closer into her, and I didn't hesitate to bury my face into her chest. I gripped her tightly, trying to stifle the violent sobs that I desperately wanted to give. She gently combed her fingers through my hair, and breathed loudly enough for only me to hear—she did it in an effort for me to mimic her rhythmic breathing to calm myself. She meant everything to me—I tried so hard not to show that I needed anyone, but when the time for sleep came, I-I…I just…_

_I sniffled to try to calm my breathing down._

_I just wanted to be okay. I just wanted to be strong. I just wanted to…_

" _Akinoyo-chan," Miyuki rested her chin lightly on the top of my head. "Will you hum a sweet song for me?"_

_For Miyuki, I would do so much more than that…_

_I cleared my throat as quietly as I could. I took a few staggered breaths, and repositioned myself into a more comfortable position in Miyuki's arms._

_I hummed lightly. Two long hums each starting at the higher-pitched end of the spectrum that steadily made their way down to a lower-pitch were first. Those two first hums were then followed by two more with the same timing and pattern. I'd hum this set three times before adding six short, yet perfectly placed hums to break the monotony._

" _There's my sweet Akinoyo-chan," Miyuki said lightly._

_Her tone was so sweet to me, and made me feel human in this world of where we were treated as animals._

_I snuggled into her and closed my eyes tight, hearing her calming heartbeat while I continued to hum for her. I could just..._

-x-x-

My eyes shot open to a completely unfamiliar ceiling. I sat up and wiped the stray, remnant tears my dream left me with as I tried to assess the situation.

Looking around, I saw that I was in an old-style home; the walls classic wood with glued, square cuts of paper. I was on a futon on the floor of tatami mats, and my head hurt like a mother fucker.

I didn't remember getting a fancy hotel like this one—was I still with a client? I _never_ fell asleep on a client.

I ceased all movement to tune my ears in for any type of movement or sound. After a few moments, I heard a few footsteps outside the door and heard the weight of a human body creak the tatami floor as they sat.

"Still nothing?" An unfamiliar male voice asked.

"No. She still hasn't regained consciousness."

That voice…it was…Hitsugaya?

Oh no.

Oh my fucking—

"Shit!" I shouted aloud as I scrambled out of bed.

The door slid open with a slam, and Hitsugaya immediately entered the room with an unfamiliar male behind him.

"Kiteya—"

"What the fuck have you done?" I shouted as I glared at my white-haired savior.

I shoved all the covers off me, and was on my feet so fast that it made my head spin.

"Careful; you're still—"

"Ow! What in the—"

The pain radiating from the side of my skull spiked tenfold as soon as I stood up. Stars clouded my vision immediately, and I was down to one knee in an instant.

"You're not fully healed from that head wound, Kiteyama; take it easy," Hitsugaya had caught me by my shoulder as I fell, and leaned down to try to make eye contact.

I smacked his arm off me and looked up at him with a glare.

"Why the fuck didn't you _listen to me,_ Hitsugaya?"

Although I was thankful that he saved me from an immediate beating, this whole situation was now grim—anger and resentment were the only two emotions that dominated me now, and I was going to let him have it.

"Do you even understand just what you've done? You're over here telling me to 'take it easy,' yet you have literally no idea just how much fucking shit I'm in now because you didn't listen! Open those fucking eyes of yours and look at this!" I held up my wrist to show my red-lit tracker bracelet.

"See how that's red? That means they're tracking me down as I'm sitting here scolding you! You know what they're gonna do when they find me? They're going to kill you, they're to kill whoever your friend over there is, and then guess what? Wanna know what their grand prize is going to be? Torturing me, raping me, and then killing me like a Kami-damned-fucking animal!"

"That's not going to happen, Kiteyama; you need to—"

"If you tell me to calm down, I will _fucking_ lose it, Hitsugaya." I snarled.

"Can you at least listen for just a minute before you jump to conclusions?" Hitsugaya tried to request calmly.

"She sure is a fiery one, Hitsugaya-Taichou!" The blonde haired man wearing a green and white striped bucket hat commented behind him.

I glared at him and then focused back on that fucking dildo of a knight in shining armor. I could not _believe_ just how far up shit creek I was now thanks to this guy. My life was finally getting to be just a little comfortable, and now this fuck-tard just screwed me out of everything. What was I supposed to do now? Where was I supposed to hide? What, was _Hitsugaya_ going to be my personal bodyguard forever now? Nope! Especially when the heroic act doesn't result in my fairytale-like succumb to my sudden and overwhelming affection for him. Seriously! The nerve of this fucking guy was out of this fucking world!

"Kiteyama, I know what you told me, and I am aware of the risks. However, it was necessary for me to bring you here. Kiteyama, you do not belong here. You can't continue your life like this without knowing, and understanding the truth about yourself." Hitsugaya began to explain.

I scoffed and crossed my arms.

"Really? Because you know so fucking much about me after two days of getting to know me. Please, elaborate for me, _Einstein_ ; I'd just _love_ to hear your analysis." I sat back down on the bed and crossed my legs in a comfortable, yet edged position.

Now that I sat and breathed, I felt like fucking Hell. My head hurt so bad that the thought of getting up to make my get-a-way trek to Timbuktu made my head throb and my eye squint outside of my control. Tatsu had a Hell of a punch.

Hitsugaya ignored the anger my heavy sarcasm caused by taking in a deep breath.

"Kiteyama, listen carefully. Do these words ring any bells to you: _Shinigami, Soul Society, Seireitei,"_

As soon as he said those three S-lettered words, something within me dropped. Like, the feeling of your stomach bungee-jumping out of its usual crevice like an adrenaline junkie on Spring break. The words didn't evoke memories, but an unsettled feeling more than anything else.

Hitsugaya stared at me, awaiting my response.

"Well, they leave me with a weird feeling in the pit of my gut, but other than that they don't ring any bells." I explained.

Hitsugaya looked up at his shadowy-eyed friend beside him, and the man took out his fan from his pocket.

"This is indeed interesting," the man said, sitting down Indian-style next to Hitsugaya.

"What does a Kami of death have to do with anything? Are you trying to tell me a bed time story about how one of them will reap the shit out of my life and kill me? Well he's already too late, because my life is _already_ pretty much over now. But if you insist, at least grab me some popcorn first,"

"This isn't a joke Kiteyama; I'm being serious." Hitsugaya sassed me back.

"Really? A fictional, unproven belief from ancient times is serious to you? Give me a fucking break! I'd have to be a fucking child to believe that poppycock." I spat.

The man with the fan laughed at me before turning to Hitsugaya.

"Well, I suppose it's true to any normal human that the concept of Shinigami does come off as a farce and nothing else." The blonde chuckled.

"Let's put it to the test then, shall we?" Hitsugaya stood up.

Hitsugaya reached into his pant's pocket and took out a red candy dispenser with a bunny as the head of the device. I couldn't help myself.

" _No. Way._ This proves it—Shinigami do exist! In the form of a candy dispenser, they'll slice your finger _and your life_ if you misuse them. I should write a B-rated American Horror film—I'd win a prize for sure with the golden storyline you just gave me." I chuckled.

Hitsugaya popped the candy out of the dispenser and into his mouth.

In less than a second, his body separated into two separate entities as if a cross rammed into him and a possessive demon was exorcised out of him.

I scrambled back immediately from the sheer horror that wracked my body from the sight.

"What in Kami's name—"

"Still seem like 'poppycock' to you, Kiteyama?" The new Hitsugaya that emerged from the old one asked.

"Oh, goodness; this morning's entertainment sure has been worth my while— _I_ should be the one with the popcorn," the chuckling, green-clothed man commented.

"J-J-Just what the Hell is this, Hitsugaya?" I stuttered like a child hiding under a blanket.

"Kiteyama, _I_ am a Shinigami. I—along with several others—am a part of an organization that operates from the _Seireitei_. It is our job to help Souls cross over to the _Soul Society_ from the World of the Living—which we are both currently in."

I had so many questions that I didn't even know when, or how to even start. Just staring at the man now clothed in old-fashioned garb made the cogs in my brain stall to almost a complete stop. The only thing that stuck out above the rest in my mind was...

"So…what does this mean, Hitsugaya? Are you here to reap me?" I boldly questioned.

My breaths were starting to become more noticeable with each passing millisecond, and I didn't know if I should just get up and run, or lay down to make things easier.

While it seemed ridiculous, if Hitsugaya hadn't of exorcised himself, I wouldn't even give it a second thought. But just what were these _Shinigami,_ and what exactly did I have to do with them? Although Hitsugaya said he wasn't here to harm me, what would a Kami of death even want from me in the first place? Shinigami took human lives when it was their due time to go—according to the legends. Did that mean that he was here to ease me into my own death?

My heart started fluttering without my consent. If it was my fate to die now, then so be it. I guess it would ultimately be better and the only escape from my life now—it made sense. Although my amygdala was now active against my own control, I had no choice but to endure it, and see what comes next.

Hitsugaya seemed to have sensed my aura, and slowly approached in a very calm manner.

"Urahara, if you wouldn't mind," Hitsugaya turned his head to the man upon his arrival.

The man—Urahara apparently—pulled a scroll out of his robe. He handed it to Hitsugaya, and then Hitsugaya turned his attention back to me.

"Kiteyama, by now if you're still thinking that I'm going to harm you, then clearly you don't trust anything I've said to you prior. I want to remind you that if I were here for the purpose of 'reaping' you—as you phrased—then I wouldn't have hesitated, and you'd already be dead." He explained.

He had a point. I just couldn't help it in the situation however. With all the things I've been through for the past five years of my life, it's hard to place my faith in anyone at this point. And now that paranormal shits been brought into the picture, I just don't know how to feel about anything.

I searched Hitsugaya's eyes for a moment. Those hues of his…the feeling that I had last night came back to mind the longer I stared into them. I remembered just how I felt before unconsciousness overwhelmed me. I trusted him then; why didn't I trust him now?

As much as I hated to do it, it had to be said.

"I-I'm sorry, Hitsugaya." I balled my hands into fists; I didn't actually know how to show gratitude properly anymore. "You're right; if you were here to harm me, you'd have done it long ago. I'll listen to what you have to say, but I'm not going to pretend like everything isn't an absolute shit show right now, and I'm certainly not going to be able to soak 'this'"—I gestured to him entirely—"in too quickly either. Anyway, go ahead and say what you need to say then."

I crossed my arms and took a deep breath. I'm sure that whatever Hitsugaya was going to say to me was going to completely wreck my entire existence. At this point, I could only fasten my Kami-damn seatbelt.

He gave an exasperated sigh, followed by a chuckle. "I didn't expect you to—I know this must all come off preposterously to you; I expect some skepticism. I commend you for giving it a chance." He complimented.

"Thanks I guess," I shook my head. "Okay, get on with it then."

I could've sworn I saw an eyeroll, but then again I was seeing a lot of things today. I paid it no mind as he began to speak.

"Kiteyama, before I begin to explain to you, I need to know; what is your first memory of?" He asked.

I gulped and closed my eyes.

I really didn't want to say it…but…

"The first thing I saw was blood," I began.

-x-x-

_The red liquid filled the cracks between the wood the floor was composed of, and my eyes followed it as it slowly trailed across the floor._

_In an instant, something impacted my stomach and the swift motion sent my body tumbling back. I squealed through the fabric stuffed in my mouth, and breathed heavily through my nostrils in frightened pants that sent my heart into overdrive._

_I tried to look around again, and I didn't see anything aside from the walls on either side of me. I squirmed around to find out my hands were tied behind my back, and my feet were both tied together at my ankles. I tried to wiggle free, but to no avail whatsoever._

" _Look at this new recruit," a male voice, deep and malevolent began._

_My heart sank as it set in that I just might die then and there. I had no idea where I was, how I got there, who I was, or why this was even happening to me._

_Tears immediately formed streams down my face, dripping off my cheeks and onto the floor beneath me._

_A force slammed my head down into my own teardrops on the floor, and my vision blurred from the impact. What I assumed was a boot pressed my face into the floor—my nose felt like it would break from the amount of pressure put behind it._

" _Oi, is she a virgin?" The male using me as a floor mat asked._

" _Go ahead and find out for yourself—I'll give you the honor since you've been a huge help lately," Another male answered._

_The one that answered had a very unique sound to his voice, as if he were muffled behind something as he spoke. He was so calm above all else; seemingly unfazed by what was happening—like it was a game he'd already played._

" _You don't have to tell me twice," The man above me chuckled._

_He proceeded to rip whatever garments I had on off me with a knife, and then flipped me over and spread my legs._

-x-x-

"Obviously I don't have to spell out what happened after that." I looked away at the wall.

Hitsugaya and Urahara processed what I said, and an uncomfortable silence fell on us for a few seconds before Hitsugaya broke the ice.

"That's unfortunate to hear, Kiteyama—I'm sorry you had to go through that." He shifted uncomfortably.

"It's not your fault; don't worry about it."

I tried to smile, but the memory in itself made me want to curl up in a fetal position and cry. Granted, it only got worse from there, but that first initial feeling of fear and panic was something that would never be able to be erased.

"May I asked what happened after that?" Hitsugaya continued.

"After that, I was kept in a room with several other women, and utilized for my womanly attributes as a sex slave to put it bluntly. The following four years I stayed in that room like a caged animal until I finally started getting some regulars, and was trusted enough to not run off. Once the trust was established, I was given my own apartment and left alone to search for possible assets—the original reason I decided to let you walk me home." I looked up at the duplicate Hitsugaya.

"Assets for what in particular, Kiteyama-san?" Urahara asked.

"The organization that I belong to is almost as high up as the Yakuza; their main form of income is prostitution, second is drug sales and third is most likely raids. I don't know too much out of my own field, however what I do know is that they are constantly looking for new recruits—er, _assets_ —to join them. I've never been face to face with the leader of the organization, but I know he's quite a powerful man in the underworld. I think he's former Yakuza, but that's just my speculation. I'm just assuming with how he's able to create a successful group like this, he must've belonged to another group previously—Kami only knows. Anyhow, within my field, we have what we call 'handlers;' the two Hitsugaya and I encountered last night were both handlers. Each handler is in charge of at least 10 of us whores. Rafael was the one in charge of me, and he was the one that you punched in the face when you first came after me. Assets are to either become handlers, or utilized as muscle for the other fields of the organization. Either way, they have to be tough, and strong." I explained in a mouthful.

"I see," the blonde contemplated.

"Now that I've answered your questions, it's time you both answered a few of mine. Hitsugaya, what does all this Shinigami business have to do with me? Do you really know what happened to me, or are you just winging it based off a theory?"

"Have a look at this." Hitsugaya held up the scroll that Urahara had given to him, and I took it cautiously.

I untied the ribbon, and delicately opened the document.

On the scroll was a picture of me on the top right hand corner, followed by the following information:

_Kiteyama Akinoyo_

_Squad 13 – Seat 28_

_Height: 157.5 CM_

_Weight: 54.4 KG_

_Eyes: Lavender_

_Hair: Black_

_D.O.B.: November 16 -_

_Status: M.I.A._

The picture was probably what got to me more than anything else. It was definitely me no matter how I tried to reason it's fabrication. I don't ever remember taking a picture like this, but the hairstyle was a huge signifier—I liked wearing my hair fashioned exactly how it was in the picture _to the 'T.'_ The thing about it is that I never wore my hair like that other than in private due to my jobs—most men liked my hair down and flowing, and I generally wore my hair in a bun at the Diner.

I rolled up the scroll and set it next to me. I summoned some courage and looked up at the Shinigami, and didn't waver my gaze. "Where did you get this?"

"From Squad 13's records." Hitsugaya promptly answered. "I'll explain what that means in more depth later; for now know that the document was sent to me from the Seireitei."

"Why would the Seirei-whatever have documentation on me in the first place? Have they been keeping tabs on my life? Why would they keep tabs on me _specifically_? Do they keep that for every human? Why wou—"

"Kiteyama, I promise that I'll explain everything to you soon. We have to move locations in a few minutes, and I want to tell you this before we do." Hitsugaya interrupted.

I nodded to let him continue.

"In the outskirts of the Rukongai five years ago, there were reports of frequent Hollow activity. Squad 13 was ordered to dispatch a seated officer along with nine men to investigate. When the group didn't return, Squad 8 along with a few from Squad 13 were sent. When they arrived on the scene, the only thing that remained were the body parts of the original investigation team. Squad 12 was sent in after that for an information sweep, and found traces of Arrancar reiatsu. The case remains unsolved even today, and there hasn't been any other Arrancar activity in the Soul Society since."

Hitsugaya waited to make sure that I was following along before he continued. The terminology threw me off, but basically he was trying to tell me that there was some type of investigation and the ones sent were slaughtered—to me that was already enough to make my stomach start churning. I nodded as he continued.

"When all the body parts were collected, they were only able to piece together nine bodies; meaning that one was M.I.A." Hitsugaya looked at the scroll next to me, and then back up at me.

"You're joking." I immediately responded.

"I wish I was." He looked right back at me.

I took the scroll and unraveled it again for unnecessary, yet fulfilling mental affirmation that this was in fact me on this piece of paper, and that I was the M.I.A. investigator. I stared into my own lavender eyes in the picture, and braced myself for hesitant acceptance.

"And so here I am—five years later, alive and somewhat well. What does this mean?" I questioned.

"It means that you were kept alive for a reason, Kiteyama; a reason that we're going to get to the bottom of. For you to be alive in the World of the Living alone is enough for us to raise suspicion. What needs to happen now is for us to go back to the Seireitei to come up with a plan, and investigate the entire situation." He explained.

My mind was running amuck at that point. I was so confused about everything, and just couldn't come to terms that I was once involved in a situation like this. It made my head hurt more than it already did just trying to follow along so my brain receptors could properly process the correct emotions I was to experience with his words.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Well, aren't I the luckiest gal out there." I scoffed.

Coordinated and fast footsteps approached us, and a teenager with red hair slid the door open in urgency.

"Boss, there's some people out front trying to break in! They say we've stolen something of theirs!" The teen exclaimed quickly.

Hitsugaya stood up quickly along with Urahara, and he outstretched his hand to me.

"We're out of time; we have to leave _now_." Hitsugaya said.

"I'll keep your gigai hidden for the time being; you know how to get out." Urahara said before snapping his fingers and making his way toward the teen.

Hitsugaya's old body followed, and I looked up to the Hitsugaya in front of me as I tried to swallow down the panic that formed in my throat.

"Hitsugaya, I need to know one thing," I began.

Our heads both snapped to the sounds of movements coming from where the other two exited—I was running out of time.

"Make it quick." Hitsugaya urged.

I felt like I was ready to burst. I was such a ball of nerves, anxiety, and panic that the question just shot out of me.

"Just what the fuck am I, Hitsugaya?" I blurted.

"The same as I am—a _Shinigami_." He responded.

I shook my head and smirked out of forced and false bravado—my one true coping mechanism—as I let out a chuckle.

"Do I at least get to scare people to death?" I took Hitsugaya's hand.

"Highly unlikely," He smirked as he curled his fingers around my hand.

"Well damn." I grinned.

In an instant—faster than I could even process—Hitsugaya pulled me up, picked me up, and we were out of there faster than I could blink.


	5. Chapter 5

I scrunched my eyes and clutched his shirt so tightly you'd think I was a spooked, frozen cat with my claws stuck. Whatever this was that Hitsugaya was doing scared the absolute shit out of me, but I couldn't move to react or even yelp in defiance. On top of actually displaying fear while in 'Tall, Tanned and Handsome's' arms, the freaking wind was smacking against my face with absolutely no remorse. So what did I do? The most feeble female action one can think of, of course—I buried my face against his shoulder. Yep, you heard it here first—I, Kiteyama Akinoyo, caved and let a female tendency slip. Although I'm portraying this with humor and heavy sarcasm, I'm honestly pretty pissed at myself.

After a few minutes, the wind rushing against my ears slowed and eventually came to a stop. I'd assumed that meant the coast was clear, but with everything I'd heard within the past 30 minutes, I wouldn't be surprised if this was the calm before the storm of Hitsugaya's magic trick.

"Kiteyama," Hitsugaya called.

Through my scrunched face, I dared to crack open my right eye just slightly—only to see his shirt I was buried in. I didn't let up my hold, and waited for him to continue.

"Kiteyama, we've arrived." He said.

Quickly I wedged my face out of the crevice of fabric that lined his neck, and peeked around like a mouse trying to make a run for it. It was dark, and all there was were old wooden walls along with sliding paper doors. During my observation over his shoulder, I looked too far left and met with his eyes looking down at me. He was so close that I myself—since clearly it was 'be-feminine-as-fuck hour'—donned a small blush at the realization that I was still in his arms.

I quickly kicked my legs that dangled outside his grasp as a signal, and he let me down gently. I stepped away from him with such a swift motion that surprised even me, then proceeded to dust myself off to clear myself of the uncomfortable aura that clung to me.

"Ya know, a little warning next time you decide turn into the fucking Flash on me would be nice," I grunted.

"Apologies; I thought your body would remember what it was like to flash-step, but I was evidently incorrect." He replied.

I took a few more steps to look around, and before I could get to it, Hitsugaya beat me to the punch.

"This is a place I found some years back—it's abandoned and a few towns over from Hayamatsu and Karakura. It'll take them at least a few hours to get here from where we left them."

"I see." I said as I attempted to crack open a window. "So what happens now? We go to that Seirei-whatever place?" I peeked out the window to see the sunlight fully covering the dead vegetation.

"That's the goal, however, there's an issue preventing us from making a move."

"Really? I'm shocked—what could possibly stop a Shinigami such as yourself in his tracks?"

"There's nothing stopping _me_ specifically; it's you who's come to a complete stop."

Hitsugaya came over to me and took my bruised wrist delicately. "This is preventing us from making a move." He motioned to my red-lit bracelet.

Now if I were honest with myself, then I'd delve into the fact that the simple touch he currently was in the middle of sent flurries of butterflies to erupt in my stomach. Something about this asshole had my stomach in knots, and I somehow couldn't get enough of the sass, the eye contact, and mostly the touch.

That's if I'm being _honest_ with myself however. But I'm no honest-fucking-Abe—there's no way in Hell I'd ever let myself feel that way more than a few seconds or admit that aloud.

"But why would my tracker have anything to do with hopping through dimensions or whatever? Can't you just break the thing?" I asked, quickly retracting myself from his grasp—reluctantly, yet necessarily.

"While normally any object created from the World of the Living is generally not a problem, this isn't any ordinary object." He began.

"Continue this once I get a cigarette—my nerves can't take any more of this." I side-stepped away from him and toward the purse he'd set on the ground where we initially entered.

"Those things can be deadly if you're not careful."

"For someone who's already dead, does it even really matter?" I scoffed.

"Regardless of the obvious; clearly we survive off sustenance, and the same rules that would apply to a human in regard to general health also applies to us." He explained.

"Well, guess I'll die again when my due time comes," I shrugged.

I went back to the window and opened it fully before lighting my cigarette and taking the much needed drag.

"So, why can't we leave?" I prompted.

Hitsugaya sighed from my lack of tact—he walked over to the door and slid it open.

"At least smoke outside—this used to be a _shrine_ after all."

I scoffed and followed him outside. "You're such a stick in the mud—you know that?" I smirked.

"So I've been told," he sat down on the porch. I sat down with him as he continued. "That bracelet of yours somehow prevents you from emerging from your gigai."

"Gigai?" I questioned.

"Yes, a faux body. Remember when I ate that candy earlier? The body I emerged out of was a gigai. Shinigami use these bodies while stationed in the World of the Living in case they need to make contact with humans." He explained.

"That makes sense," I commented before taking another drag.

"Normally, we can easily emerge out of them without an issue, however, that bracelet prevents you from being able to make the separation. Urahara and I tried while you were sleeping, and were able to see signs of attempted separation, but the action itself wasn't successful."

I furrowed my brows.

"I don't understand. Why would an object from this dimension—that's normally not an issue—be unable to phase through? I mean, if a puny human made it…"

"That's the issue, Kiteyama; what you just said only proves and hindrances things further. That bracelet isn't something any human could make on their own—we're dealing with someone who _knew_ you were a Shinigami. Someone who had a reason to keep you contained, and needed you out of the Soul Society at all costs." He looked at me.

I returned his gaze and resisted the urge to gulp. If something was able to frazzle a Shinigami even slightly, then this situation I was in was more serious than any other bullshit the humans could even dream to dish out. Although I was used to mistreatment, the thought of whatever this person had intended for me actually sent shivers up my spine.

"So let's break this shit off and get out of here then," I rose it up to look at it. "I don't understand what the big deal is."

"Urahara made a valid point that breaking it could result disastrously; it's what's keeping you trapped in your gigai—who knows just how deep its threaded to your soul, and what could happen to you if we broke it off. We tried to remove it, but were unable to. He wants to study it more before we do anything else—which means that for now, we have to keep playing by it's rules. Every three hours we'll change location. If we're lucky, we'll avoid detection until we can get it figured out. So far the only upside is my ability to use flash-step for quick escapes. But if the enemy is whom I speculate, then this charade will only last us a few days max. Hopefully Urahara can come up with something by then." He explained.

"And just who is it that you speculate? That Arra-something-or-other?" I asked.

" _Arrancar,"_ he corrected. "And yes, I suspect that it was one of our prior enemies that survived."

"I see," I exhaled my drag.

There was a moment of silence between us as we listened to some birds chirping nearby. What was an Arrancar? What did they have to do with me? I was—er, _am_ —a Shinigami…just what did that mean I had to do now?

"Hey, Hitsugaya," I called. "So, how was it you were able to figure out who I was? It's not like you had any of this come up based on my memories. Were we acquaintances at one point after all?" I asked.

"Not quite. I'd never met you prior to two days ago. When the ordeal happened five years ago, all of us were informed of the situation, and to be on the lookout for the M.I.A. member of Squad 13. There were a couple of search parties that searched for you—my own Squad members included—and all of them reported back to us for any and all evidence. After about a month, we had no choice but to move on. But for that month, that picture you saw of yourself earlier was kept on my desk until the searches stopped entirely. When I saw you at Mameha's, I couldn't place my finger on where I'd seen you before. Then when you said you lost your memory five years ago, I started trying to think of events that happened back then, and that one came to mind." He explained.

I blinked at him before cocking an eye. "You sure have a good memory to remember the face of someone you'd never actually met." I smirked.

"Thanks," he shrugged.

"Your desk, huh? Since when does sending people to Heaven or Hell require paperwork?" I chuckled.

He sensed my attempt at teasing, and let me have my way since this whole situation promoted anxiety and panic within me. Not gonna lie and say I wasn't grateful for it.

"If only my paperwork was as simple as something like that—that would be the day," he sighed.

"Since you know, I have a habit of reading into things—I heard you say 'your own Squad members.' What are you implying by that?" I slightly diverted.

"I'm not surprised—you _are_ the type to dissect everything that comes your way after all," Hitsugaya commented with a ghost—that's right _ghost_ —of a smile.

"Well, if you know that, then get talking. After your answer, I expect the full breakdown of this fairytale world I'm evidently apart of. You've got three hours." I smirked.

He sighed, and took a breath before he began to put the connecting pieces of this puzzling mess I'd already partially pieced together.

-x-x-

I don't know whether the phrase: 'mind-blown,' quite covers just how I was feeling about the whole situation. Everything seemed so farfetched that I was having trouble really taking it to heart. It was one thing to explain something, but until the person actually experiences things themselves, it will never have the same effect. I guess I'd get it all down in time—since I'd previously accepted it in my former life anyway. Although I must say that I wasn't too surprised to learn that Hitsugaya was the Taichou of Squad 10—he just seemed like that type of responsible person the longer I talked to him.

"Now that you're up to speed, let's talk a bit about you, Kiteyama." Hitsugaya began again after a brief respite from the detailed explanation.

I shot him a surprised look.

"Me? What about me? You already told me more about myself than even _I_ knew—what's left to talk about?" I questioned.

"While I told you the information I've collected, it doesn't mean that there isn't more to you that I don't know. It's a bit unfair to just assume."

I was confused to say the least. I couldn't tell if this was part of getting more detail about the situation, or if he wanted to actually know me specifically as a person rather than a hostage to rescue. No one had ever really asked me anything like this before—I didn't know how to begin to handle it if it were the later.

"Uh, well, I don't really know what to say." I partially muttered. "I'm sure that you're able to piece together what the life of a tight-leashed prostitute would be like; always out late in various locations, surrounded by creatures ruled by greed and lust, always one step away from making the wrong move and getting beat…there's really not much more to it." I explained.

"I'm wondering how they let you work at that restaurant if you were kept on such a _tight-leash._ "

"Part of my job was to try to bring in clientele and assets, so one way to do that would be to be out during the daylight hours offering myself to the right person." I countered.

"I see. And were you able to gather a good amount of people that way? I'm sure there were times where you were left to your own devices before or after."

Okay, I just couldn't wrap my head around this guy. What was the point of all this? Why would he even care?

"You're right; it wasn't everyday that I was able to bring in new recruits, and the times where I actually wasn't scheduled were actually the best." I cracked a small smile.

"Were you supervised at your apartment, or were you able to live on your own?"

"Luckily I was able to live on my own, but they had full access to the place and would often utilize the facility for themselves. There were times where I was actually able to be there by myself—which was great. When I lived back in the whore house, it was so crowded that I was constantly having claustrophobia and panic attacks. Although it's more work than when I was in the whore house, the perk of getting a few moments of solitude was honestly the best part about it." I lit another cigarette.

"Honestly, anything that involved not living in that wretched sty was a blessing." I took a drag and looked up at the sky.

"Sorry to revive bad memories." Hitsugaya said after a moment.

"Nah, it's fine. There isn't a reason for an apology." I watched as the clouds moved slowly over the sun—attempting to push away the horrible memories just as quickly as the wind pushed those clouds.

"Sugi trees, hmm,"

I furrowed my brows and turned to look over at the side-tracked weirdo beside me.

"What about them?"

"You once said you liked them." He answered.

"And?"

" _And_ you _seem_ as if all of this is really wearing on you, so tell me about Sugi trees." He prompted.

I chortle-scoffed aloud on accident. He turned to look at me, and I laughed at him.

"You're one weird guy, Hitsugaya. I can't read you at all sometimes—are you always like this?" I sucked in air to calm myself down.

"How does that promote that I'm 'weird?' You're honestly the one who's more confusing than I am." He countered.

"Me? Weird? I'm a sarcastic, quick-witted asshole, yes, but I wouldn't go right to 'weird.' I'm a realist, Hitsugaya—that's all there is to it." I grinned.

"However you'd like to make yourself feel better." He smirked.

"Woah-ho-ho; look at this here. You know, the more time you spend with me, the more my asshole tendencies will rub off on you. I'll have you converted in no time at all." I chuckled.

"Cigarettes and foul language really isn't my style—thanks for the offer."

I laughed so hard I had to look away from the guy. This…this kind of back-sass was what I loved. I've never laughed as easily as I have within the past few days, _and honestly_ , with this whole situation we were in, I needed all the distraction I could get.

"Challenge accepted, Hitsugaya," I said trying to calm myself.

He had a small smirk resting on his face, and it made my grin only amplify. I'd never actually made anyone other than Miyuki smile in earnest—it was nice to know that I was still human enough to pull that off. Well…sort of.

Hitsugaya stood up and stretched before looking down at me.

"Its been a few hours, we should move before they close in on us." He said in seriousness.

"I'll get my bag,"

I went inside to get it, and shut the window along with the door behind me.

When I stopped in front of him, I immediately remembered what was going to come—him picking me up and flash-stepping with me to the next location while I held on for dear life. I thought of the closeness, and stifled the gulp I wanted to give to drown those damn butterflies from earlier.

"We're going to an old acquaintance's home. Your head needs to be healed before we do anything else—I'm sure it's still tender? Your hip needs tending as well; from what I was able to see, it looks as if you have a hairline fracture." He commented as he inspected my head wound.

My head was definitely still tender, and the closeness between him and I caused blood to rush to my face, which then in turn made my head feel worse.

"Y-Yeah, my head definitely does," I complied with reluctance. "How far does your _acquaintance_ live?"

If I could spend as little time in his arms as possible, that'd be great—I didn't want to deal with any of these weird emotions that surged through me unnecessarily.

"He lives in Karakura Town by where we were earlier; it won't take too long to get there." He responded.

"Alright, fine. I'm as ready as I'll ever be." I hesitated.

"Something the matter?" He asked.

"Nothing, let's just get going." I tried to sound unaffected, but probably failed.

He looked at me for a moment, and then _at normal speed_ picked me up bridal style. I blushed and almost shifted into a fall from the contact, and I fought off the nervous sweat my body wanted to give. Whatever it was that affected me with this guy needed to fucking stop—this way of acting was fucking ridiculous for a full grown woman.

I wrapped my arms around his neck hesitantly, and my mouth formed a hardline to prevent myself from saying anything stupid. Although I avoided eye contact, my periphery caught him staring down at me—if I looked up now, it was over.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Just _fabulous,_ " I sourly remarked.

"If you say so…I'll go a bit slower for you this time so that you don't get the whiplash from earlier,"

"No, it's fine; the sooner the better."

"You're sure?"

"Yep,"

My fingers clenched the fabric of his shirt, and I scrunched my eyes shut before I curled my head into his shoulder.

"Go." I told him.

Immediately we set off.

The wind rushing at us had my hair and clothes moving in all directions as it did before, and I shivered from the winter air. Hitsugaya didn't seem phased by it, which wasn't too surprising considering he was probably an expert at this sort of thing. I ended up shifting myself farther down to his pecs area so that the wind wouldn't smack me so roughly. Although the border-line violent wind dominated most of my senses, there was one that stuck out above it—touch. Hitsugaya's fingers were gently pressed into my arm and thigh to make sure that I was safely secured in his strong arms, but since I'd shifted my position, it was really what was near my face that I was more focused on.

His heartbeat.

When Miyuki used to hold me, she'd pull me close to her, and I would immediately rest my head against her chest. I would feel it every time I was in her warm comfort—those two rhythmic thuds that made her, _her._ Feeling, and eventually hearing her heartbeat would calm my panic attacks, and I could begin to breathe steadily because of it. She'd gently tuck my hair behind my ear, and rest her head against the top of mine.

Those moments with her were the only times I'd ever experienced _peace._ In those days, spending time with her when we went to sleep was the only thing that would get me through the rapes, beatings, and drug abuse during the day.

I blinked back into reality. Hitsugaya's heartbeat was the second I'd ever been close enough to feel. It beat rapidly because of his obvious movements, but that didn't matter to me. All that mattered to me at that moment, was that I was now put into a position where I let another soul begin to soothe my own.

He didn't know he was even doing it, but he was. With every smirk, with every comeback, with every action, and with every touch, I wrapped myself deeper into the safety blanket he didn't know he provided.

This was wrong.

Yes, to him it was a simple act of kindness, along with a responsibility that he had to attend to. To him, he wasn't doing anything wrong—he was fulfilling his duty as a Taichou to bring a subordinate to safety. But to me…

We stopped abruptly, and I jerked at the motion.

"Sorry, I haven't been here in a while and I almost missed it," he exhaled.

"I-It's fine; no worries." I shifted my legs and he let me down slowly.

I looked up and read that the building said: 'Kurosaki Clinic,' and chuckled.

"You have a doctor for a friend? Can humans even heal Shinigami?" I asked mid-stretch.

"Just wait and see," he turned toward the establishment himself.

He started walking toward the entrance, but didn't get farther than a few steps before he was greeted by a man with orange hair.

"Toushirou? What a surprise this is! It's been a while!" The male matching his height grinned, smacking Hitsugaya's back.

"That's still _Hitsugaya-Taichou,_ Kurosaki," Hitsugaya scolded; adding to the male's grin.

"What brings you here? Who's your friend?" he looked my way.

"Kiteyama Akinoyo; nice to meet ya," I extended a hand.

He took it immediately and shook it with a strong, yet gentle shake.

"Kurosaki Ichigo; a pleasure." He replied.

"Kurosaki, is your wife home at the moment?" Hitsugaya asked immediately after I retracted my hand.

"She is, and you don't have to ask, I already can tell what you're here for," Kurosaki paused to look at my bandaged head. "But I want to know what happened in exchange." He said, his carefree tone completely gone in less than a second.

"I wouldn't expect anything less—you have a habit of sticking your nose into everything anyway," Hitsugaya smirked.

"What can I say?" Kurosaki smirked back. "Come on in." he said as he turned back to his front door.

Hitsugaya waited for me to start walking before he followed suit. We walked in through the clinic, and then through a door that led into his actual home. His wife and toddler son—Orihime and Kazui—greeted and introduced themselves before ushering us in to get comfortable.

Orihime and I sat on the couch while Hitsugaya leaned against the wall behind me and Kurosaki sat on the arm rest on the other side of me. Orihime had some type of healing-type ability that scared me at first, but all around was actually impressive. As she healed my head, I closed my eyes and leaned back while Hitsugaya explained the situation.

"So you're thinking it's an Ex-Espada behind this?" the mid-thirties-aged male questioned.

"Mostly, yes. I can't see any lower-level Arrancar being able to pull something like this off so flawlessly for five years." Hitsugaya replied.

"You're right about that, but I just can't really see why any of the remaining ones would even bother—what is there to gain from it now?" Kurosaki questioned back.

"Who knows. The only thing that's for sure is that even if it isn't one of the Ex-Espada, it has to be someone of that skill-level that we're dealing with—without a doubt." He stated.

"How are you feeling, Kiteyama-san?" Orihime asked as the two males conversed behind us.

I shook myself out of the trance I slipped into during their conversation about me, and looked up at the grey-eyed female that smiled softly at me.

"I'm feeling a bit better. Thank you for taking the time to help me—I owe you one." I nodded.

"Not at all, Kiteyama-san! You don't owe me anything; I'm just happy that I'm able to help!" she replied without missing a beat. "If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to let us know. With the situation that's happening, I'm assuming that it's been decided that you won't be returning to your apartment. Since that's the case, you're more than welcome eat here, bathe here, rest here, and sleep here."

Well, since she insisted…

"Thank you, Orihime, I really do appreciate you and your family's kindness. If it's all right, I'll take you up on the shower offer." I smiled.

"Of course! Would you like me to finish healing you first, or do you want to take a break and go shower?"

"Let's take a break; I'm sure that your ability takes its toll after extended use. I'm feeling well enough to go right now."

"Okay, sounds good." She replied as she stood up. "I have some clothes that should fit you, let's stop by my closet first,"

"Oh, no need, I have spare clothes in my purse. A woman like me has to always be prepared." I chuckled.

"I'll get your old clothes washed for you then," she smiled.

Women like her left me uneasy. Being as nice as she was just felt foreign and wrong to me, but maybe it's because I myself have yet to be able to extend a hand to anyone. Maybe it felt good to be that mindful and kind? I mean I was okay with her, but it didn't mean she didn't weird me out.

She led me upstairs to the shower, and after she got out a towel and took my clothing, she left back downstairs toward the others.

I got in the shower, sat in the fetal position, turned on the water, and just let it hit me. I didn't even wait for it to warm up; I let the cold hit me and make me shiver, then let the water warm and burn me as it heated up.

This was the first moment I had alone since last night, and I hated to admit that I wasn't as strong as I used to be before meeting Hitsugaya. Granted, this whole situation was fucked, but overall I'd been through worse. When Miyuki wasn't there, all I had was myself—I'd go numb and get through it. I didn't need anyone anymore after her; I was self-reliant, and could handle anything they dished out. But now I just…

I made such a huge mistake. I'd begun to allow myself to let someone in as I did with Miyuki…I let someone peek inside, and now I itched for them to get the full view. I'd only known him for three days—what gave him that right?

I thumped my head against my knees.

Above feeling like a weakling, I was—er _am—_ a Shinigami? Hitsugaya explained the schematics of everything, but I still had so many questions that not even he could answer. How long was a previously a Shinigami? Just what in the fuck happened to me that day in the Rukongai? Obviously I wasn't strong enough to save the others or myself for that matter, but did that automatically translate that I was a weakling, or did it mean that my opponent was completely on another level? What was going to happen to me when I return to the Seireitei? Did I have any friends, family, or anyone important to me that would be there to greet me?

I put my hands over my head before taking a deep breath.

All I wanted was time to sit by myself and think things through, but it seemed as if none aside from this shower would be allotted to me anytime soon.

I lifted my head up, and stared at the white tile in front of me. I watched as the water dripped down the white-caulked cracks, and when I blinked, familiar red took its place. I stared at the now thick, red liquid without so much as flinching, and allowed myself a few minutes to fall back into my one true mental place of solace…apathetic emptiness.


	6. Chapter 6

"Up! Up!"

I stared down into him from my standing position without any falter in my unamused gaze.

"No."

"Up!" He commanded.

"No." I repeated.

He looked at me with frustration, and breathed in deeply through his nose.

"Up." He repeated with new determination.

I cracked a smirk and crossed my arms.

"No." I repeated smugly.

He stared into my own lavender eyes with the most bravado he could possibly muster. When I didn't break his gaze, he began to falter and quickly admitted defeat—he started crying.

"What's wrong, Kazui-kun? Okaa-san will be right there!" I could hear Orihime calling from the other room.

"Dammit," I muttered. This was why I shouldn't be left with kids.

I picked up the toddler swiftly, and balanced him against my right hip as I held him up with my right arm. I narrowed my eyes at him as he sucked in gasps from crying.

"Happy now?" I asked him.

He wiped his eyes and looked around, then looked back at me and grinned as if he wasn't just crying two seconds ago. He giggled loudly and wiggled around in excitement before putting both of his hands on my face.

"Kazui," I growled in warning.

He grabbed both my cheeks and began pulling my face in excitement.

"Oi! Knock it off!" I glared.

He didn't get the memo from my irritated tone—he just giggled and pulled more. I was so terrible with kids…all adult mentality was thrown away in an instant.

"Fine! Two can play at this game, gaki!" I slurred through my partially opened mouth.

I pulled his cheek out with my free hand—to which the kid only smiled more. I thought that maybe he'd let go when it started to get painful, but the damn gaki was only having more fun with it! The kid's open mouth was an escape route for drool to drip down on me.

"O-Oi! Suck it up, gaki!"

Only laughter as a response. The drool dripped onto me.

"Kami! Why are you being gross?" I growled at the kid.

"Aren't you the spitting image of maternal affection,"

I looked up from the Kazui's face to see Hitsugaya leaning up against the entryway; a snicker threatening to escape him. I blushed and grunted from the situation, but before I could make my rebuttal, Kurosaki walked in from behind Hitsugaya and spotted the scene Kazui and I were making.

"Kazui! That's _not_ very nice!" Kurosaki scolded lightly as he marched over.

He took the boy from my arms and held him up at his own eye level as I wiped the kid's drool from my sleeve.

"Kazui, apologize." He ordered sternly.

Kazui looked back at me, and we stared at each other intensely before his smile disappeared.

"S-Sowie," he looked away.

I squinted at him in a scrutinizing fashion. "Yeah, yeah, apology accepted." I crossed my arms with a held back pout.

"There's a good boy, Kazui," Kurosaki smiled and positioned the boy comfortably. "Lets go get Okaa-san so that we can say goodbye,"

Kurosaki turned back toward the entryway he came from, and right as he passed through it, Kazui turned back to look at me over his shoulder and stuck his tongue out at me.

"You little—!"

I childishly pulled down an eyelid and stuck my tongue out back at him. It wasn't until Hitsugaya chuckled that I remembered he was even there. I sucked back my tongue and turned around toward the window behind me in embarrassment.

"Say one word, Hitsugaya, I _dare_ you." I threatened.

"I think I'll save it for later," the male replied with tease lacing his words.

" _Wonderful. Just wonderful."_ I huffed internally.

Hitsugaya's footsteps approached me, and since I heard the cushion of the nearby couch softly exude air, I assume he sat down.

"So what's the next destination, _chauffeur_?"

"Since we're back in the area, Urahara's. Now that you're healed, it'll be easier to work with you since you aren't in so much pain. Who knows, maybe Urahara already figured something out." Hitsugaya shrugged.

"I see." I commented back.

Hopefully there would be something he could go off of to get this damn thing off me. The longer I had it on, the more anxiety it gave me. Going along with that, the longer we stayed at Kurosaki's, the more I _actually_ began to worry. They had a three year old—I didn't want the kid to die because of me. I'm sure that Kurosaki and his wife would be fine, but putting their child in unnecessary danger was completely unfair.

"Kiteyama-san! Toushirou-kun! I have your things ready for you!" Orihime called.

Hitsugaya grimaced at the name, and I of course had to chime in on it for my character's sake.

"What's wrong, _Toushirou-kun_?" I smirked.

He huffed as he got up. "For years, I've been telling these people that it's _Hitsugaya-Taichou,_ but it never seems to actually leave an imprint."

"Well, when did they first meet you? Was there something different about you then than there is now?" I asked.

"Never mind it." He said lowly as he started walking off.

"Uh oh, did I hit a nerve?" I grinned.

"No." Hitsugaya shot back.

"Bull! I'll find out what it is sooner or later, Hitsugaya!" I came up behind him.

He shook his head with a sigh and passed through the entryway toward the clinic section of the house.

"Good luck."

We approached the front clinic doors to see the storybook-perfect family standing in front of us with smiles on their faces and a general sensation of warmth emanating from them. Was this what normal people were like?

"Here's your clothes, Kiteyama-san; I've also packed each of you some snacks in case of an emergency. I know that the two of you will be travelling a lot, so I figured that giving you something in case would be a good idea." Orihime smiled.

I took the clothes and packs she made and shoved them in my purse.

"Thanks, I appreciate it, Orihime," I bowed.

"Yes, thank you," Hitsugaya joined me.

"N-Not a problem at all! No need to be so formal!" Orihime giggled.

"Toushirou, keep me in the loop." Kurosaki said seriously.

Hitsugaya nodded, and then we both bowed. "See you guys, thanks again," I threw a hand up lazily.

"See ya!" Kurosaki and Orihime replied.

As I turned to walk away, something warm and partially squishy seized my calf. I looked down to see Kazui looking up at me with tears welling in his little eyes.

"See ya later, kid." I said to him.

Clearly it didn't suffice—he started crying.

"O-Oi! What happened? Why are you crying?" I stuttered as a tight-lipped stiffness followed.

"Oh, sorry Kiteyama-san!" Orihime giggled. "Kazui-kun seems to be attached to you," she smiled.

"How? I only watched him for five minutes!" I shook my leg to get him off.

"Kids like who they like," Kurosaki grinned.

My eye twitched as I raised my leg up in a crunch.

"Oi. I have to go." I told him—he shook his head violently as a response. This was getting irritating. "What's it gonna take for you to let me go?" I bargained.

"Up!" He stopped immediately and looked at me seriously.

I sighed.

"How did I know?" I stared blankly.

I picked him up and held him on my right side again, and the deep frown he had flipped to a bright smile.

"Happy now?" I asked as I narrowed my eyes.

He nodded and wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Bye bye, Nee-chan!" He said.

Orihime let out a huge 'Aww' as I blushed profusely.

"O-Oi! I'm not your 'Nee-chan!'"

Kazui giggled before Orihime came to get him.

"Sorry, Kiteyama-san, looks like you're going to have to come back to visit soon!" she grinned.

I huffed and looked away.

"Yeah, yeah, bye kid."

I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep myself in line, but as we walked through the door, I turned back to see the smiling gaki. He waved at me, and I let a wave and smile slip from over my shoulder.

"You two seem to really like each other—your personalities seem in sync," Hitsugaya commented as the door shut.

"Shut it, _Toushirou,"_ I blushed in embarrassment as I shot back at him.

"Oi—"

"Come on then, let's go." I smirked as I cut him off.

He glared at me, and I glared right back at him.

"Bakayaro," he muttered under his breath.

As I leaned back to look at the sky victoriously, he swooped me up without warning and took off.

I cowered into him as I'd grown accustomed to doing, but this time I let one hand go to punch him lightly in the shoulder. What a freaking jerk! I wasn't a Kami-damned ragdoll!

Before I knew it, we were at Urahara's, and when Hitsugaya set me down, I walked away in the sassiest way I could pull off without falling.

"I'm not apologizing for that punch! You deserved it!" I hollered over my shoulder before knocking on the door in front of us.

"You call that a _punch_?" Hitsugaya teased.

I craned my neck to look back at him with an icy glare. He chuckled and patted my shoulder as he opened the door in front of me.

"After you," he smirked.

" _Ladies_ first," I motioned, shooting an annoyed smirk back at the jerk-wad.

"Kiteyama-san! You're back! Wonderful!" Urahara said from inside the hallway.

I huffed and walked in.

"Nice to officially meet you," I held out a hand.

"Hai hai, nice to meet you too; Urahara Kisuke." the shady man smiled.

"A pleasure," I took my hand back.

"Please, come right this way," the man turned and walked ahead of us down the hallway.

I looked back at Hitsugaya who returned my irritable gaze with one of amusement.

"This isn't over." I turned forward.

He let out just a single chuckle. "Hai, hai,"

He followed a few steps behind me, and Urahara led us both to a room garnished with scientific equipment. He had random things scattered about, and a couple contraptions I couldn't even begin to explain that looked like they'd explode at any given moment. He slid some paperwork to the side of the desk pushed against the wall, and pulled out the chair that was tucked in.

"Kiteyama-san," he motioned to the seat.

I walked over and sat down, placing my wrist atop the table as I did. Urahara took a stool with wheels and wheeled it over to me before stepping to the cabinet and fiddling through the objects inside.

He grabbed a few things and set them on the table, then proceeded to sit down and wheel himself in. He took the pair of goggles from the table and put them on, reminding me of a mad scientist getting ready to completely dissect some poor unfortunate soul for the Hell of it. I stifled a shudder and repeatedly told myself that it was just for the damn bracelet rather than the veins that ran through my wrist.

He took my wrist in his hand and hunched over for a better view. He then took a screw driver to the lock and poked around, making a few 'hmm's' and 'ah's' as he scraped the metal around. He removed the screw driver and grabbed a thin, sharp blade next. He tried to wedge the blade underneath a small rectangular panel, then when he was able to finally do it, he took a pair of tweezers and grabbed the propped up piece of metal to pry it off cautiously. Once the panel was delicately removed, the technology beneath it was revealed; a type of circuit-board that was encased with some weird type of white material. He held my wrist up to his eyes, and gently turned it so that he could get a full visual before proceeding.

"Looks like a variation of Seki-seki so far," he mumbled.

"That would make sense," Hitsugaya commented.

I didn't notice that Hitsugaya was hovering over me to get a visual on what was happening. He was so close again that I had to bite my lip, look away, and think angry thoughts to calm myself.

"It does, but there's something else to it aside from just Seki-seki; even with Seki-seki we still should've been able to separate her from the gigai," Urahara moreover said to himself.

He set my wrist back down on the table, and grabbed the small blade again.

"I want to see what's under the circuit-board; maybe there's a—"

As soon as he tried to pry the circuit-board off, my body shot back in convulsions. It was like I was being shocked and stabbed with needles while being unable to move all at the same time.

"Kiteyama!" I thought I heard.

Someone grabbed my shoulders to try and hold me still while someone else tried to examine my face. I couldn't stop shaking or even move my eyes from the spot on the ceiling they were glued to. My vision wavered in and out, and by that point I couldn't tell what was happening anymore. All that I saw when my vision decided to grace me with partial cooperation was the brown wooden ceiling and stars shooting from my periphery toward the center focal point. All I could hear was high-pitched ringing that literally drowned out even my own heartbeat. It felt like hours had gone by, yet the actual electrocution must've only been for a few seconds.

Once my muscles ceased their stiff spasm, I felt myself slump forward, and my eyes shut from exhaustion. I felt hands on me, and my head landed on something soft rather than hard. My breathing was staggered and uncoordinated, and my heartbeat was racing—I began to panic internally with the thought that if I didn't calm down, my heart would rupture inside my chest.

As the ringing dissipated, I started hearing mumbles, and focused every fiber of my being concentrating on them.

"H-How…how m-much…"

I paused to listen, but the rest of the sentence didn't reach me.

" _How much? How much what?"_

I began to try and move, and when I did I felt a swift current of air in front of me, as if someone knelt down to level with my seated position. I opened my eyes and finally focused on Hitsugaya's worried ones in front of me. Right when I thought I was going to be okay, it felt like a heavy weight thumped down within me; as if someone dropped a bowling ball off the top of a building.

I gasped harshly, and started panicking in my conscious and moveable state.

"Kiteyama, breathe," Hitsugaya urged.

I had no idea what was even happening, but I went into full-on panic attack because of it. My chest heaved in pain and I couldn't catch my own breathe. I had to calm myself down, I had to think of somet—

"Kiteyama," Hitsugaya called gently.

My panicked, shifting eyes stopped and focused on him immediately. He was calm and collected, yet seriousness edged his features—he knew that he had to be cautious and precise.

"Breathe with me, okay?"

I stared into him and was in such a panic that I had no choice but to take him on his offer.

He removed his left hand off my shoulder, and slowly waved inward and up toward himself with the inhale, as if guiding the air into him. I followed suit, and tried my best to inhale with him—to little avail. He waved his hand down and out, and then repeated the process again with me. He did this several times until my breathing fell into sync with his own, and when it did, I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees.

"Thanks...I needed that." I muttered barely above a whisper.

I was so embarrassed now that I didn't have the gall to look up at him. How did he do it? How did Miyuki do it? How in the fiery depths of Hell did these two people know just how to scrape under the surface? It hadn't even been a full day, and yet within the past few hours Hitsugaya had proven to me that he had what it took to be my next Miyuki—as selfish as that sounded. The problem was… _I just couldn't bring myself to let him in._

"Don't worry about it," he responded back.

He took his hand that was still on my shoulder and gave me a quick pat before standing back up. I felt like such a weakling from the fact that I had to be babied like that—it twisted my gut in a completely dissatisfied emotion.

"You sure scared us, Kiteyama-san," Urahara began. "Please, let me have a quick look at you,"

I looked up at him while pointedly refusing to make eye contact with Hitsugaya as he inspected my retinas.

"Your eyes aren't dilated anymore; you seem to be okay for the time being." He smiled softly. "Could you please tell me what exactly it was that you felt just now please?"

"It felt like I was being electrocuted mostly, and it felt like something hit me toward the end of it. Other than that, when I broke out of it I was left in a state of disarray from what happened." I explained half-heartedly.

"'Like something hit you?' Could you explain that a bit more thoroughly?" Urahara asked.

"I don't really know how to phrase it other than feeling like something heavy crashed into me internally—maybe like a heavy ball being thrown at you that you weren't prepared for that ended up knocking you down like a bowling pin? That's the best I got." I shrugged.

No one said anything as they both tried to understand just what I meant by the statement. It was weird enough as it was, and I felt like if I tried to explain it any more I'd come off as crazy. Then again, wasn't that my life now?

"Your soul was more than likely trying to escape the gigai, but was shot back at you by the unknown element—a rebound if you will," Urahara explained.

"That sounds like what happened." I agreed—it made total sense.

"I feel as if there's something else to it aside from the substance." Hitsugaya folded his arms.

"I feel the same. For the moment, any more inspection is out of the question. If it had that reaction from that miniscule amount of tampering, any more could really hurt Kiteyama-san. I want to perform a quick—harmless—scan lastly however; I should at the very least be able to find out some more about it from that." Urahara concluded.

Urahara walked back toward his cabinet of mysterious toys and dug around until he found a taser-like wand. He pressed a button in it, and it emitted a green beam of light from one conductor to the other. He held out his hand for me to supply my wrist, and I delivered before turning away and cringing like I was about to get a shot.

Urahara chuckled. "Don't worry, Kiteyama-san, this scan won't activate the defensive mechanism—I assure you,"

"Yeah, well, I'm not taking any chances," I muttered.

"I'm already done—see? That didn't hurt, did it?" the man grinned as he returned my wrist to my lap.

I pursed my lips and folded my wrist in as I crossed my arms and looked up at him.

"Give me the rest of the night to go over the data, and I'll hopefully have something we can work with." The undercover genius said.

"Thanks, Urahara," Hitsugaya told him.

"Yeah, thanks for helping me out. I appreciate it." I bowed curtly.

"Oh! I love this sort of thing—I should thank _you_ for helping _me_. It's been a little boring around here lately," he grinned.

"Fancy that, even Shinigami get bored," I smirked as I got up.

"When you live as long as we do, you start running out of things to do," Urahara returned my smirk.

I turned to Hitsugaya, and as I opened my mouth to speak, my stomach sounded—taking the words out of my mouth.

"Hungry?"

"My stomach beat me to the punch." I sighed.

-x-x-

"Wow. I didn't think the guy did all _that."_ I commented.

Kurosaki evidently saved Soul Society's ass a few times now; the oranged-haired, Shinigami-Quincy didn't look to me like he could pull any of that off, but at the same time, I wasn't that surprised when I really thought about it. Everything that I've been told for the last few hours sent an initial shock, but now I was starting to just take everything with a grain of salt rather than letting it frazzle me to no end. Well, that went for information _anyway_ —who knows how I'd take seeing all these things come into play.

"As much as he doesn't look it, Kurosaki is one of the most powerful men I've ever met—its been proven again and again as time goes by. Lately it's been fairly quiet however, and with his family, he's slowed down even more. Now with what's happening with you, he seemed excited to assist us." Hitsugaya explained.

Hitsugaya had merged with his gigai, and we went out to eat at a restaurant a few towns over by bus. We now currently were on our way to some other town further away to keep the organization off our trail. Overall it'd been around four hours since we left Urahara's, and if I had to take a guess, it was around 22:00 already. We had gone over a few things about the Soul Society during this infernal bus ride, and I felt that I was finally starting to piece things together productively—taking bits of information and tying them into others rather than just accepting the facts flatly. My main concern that I kept to myself was what would happen to me once I returned to the Seireitei—would I go right back into working with Squad 13? Would I be discharged because I don't know how to do anything anymore? Where would I live? How would I get by? I left it alone since there was already a lot we were dealing with.

Silence fell between us after the extended explanation; my thoughts only wrapped around the 'what if's', while Hitsugaya focused on the miniscule amount of stars he could see out the window. Everything just felt so rushed that I mentally felt like I couldn't keep up even with my understanding. Physically, I walked the walk, and talked the talk, but overall my anxiety level for the past few days has been steadily rising—much to my dismay.

I started drifting in and out of sleep after a few more moments of silence. My mind's wheels constantly turning resulted in enough mental exhaustion that I was actually ready to knock out against the bus window. When the bus finally came to a stop, Hitsugaya nudged me gently with his elbow to signal that we were getting off. I flinched awake, and quickly stood up with him to exit the bus.

We walked down a couple blocks, until we came to an Inn. I furrowed my brows as I followed behind Hitsugaya into the Check-in lobby.

What was this suddenly? Of all places to take me? Hotels are only meant for one thing—I'd thought that he didn't want _that._

"Hai; just one bed is fine," he answered the receptionist.

I'd been so naïve; thinking he wasn't like all other men. But hey, I guess even Shinigami didn't work for free—silly me. I should've known better than to assume that he actually _was_ Price Charming...

I sighed.

Hitsugaya took the key for the room, and then turned toward me to signal he was ready to make our way over there.

"Is it at least smoking?" I asked as we walked.

"No, but I did ask about it for you. She said that you can stand on the balcony outside the room and smoke there instead. Here," he handed me an ashtray before pressing the up arrow on the elevator. "You should really think about kicking that habit—you can end up with so many health problems, Kiteyama."

The elevator light above the doors lit up in yellow before making a loud bing-noise. We stepped in, and Hitsugaya pressed the button for the third floor.

"Yeah, well at least it'll help put an end to me quicker; Hell, maybe it'll take me out before things get crazier than they already are." I tapped the ashtray with a nail to make some type of sound that was above the level of background music.

"Pessimism is something you should work on too," he smirked.

"Can sarcasm be the next one? Because I'd just fucking _love_ to be able to be a functioning member of society without mocking people to thrill my sick sense of humor." I smirked.

He shook his head with a light smirk on his face. The elevator stopped and we walked out of it and down the hallway.

"You're such a card—that's for sure." He sighed as he inserted the key into the door.

"Only if it's the Ace, or the Jack. The King and Queen are too snooty for my preference." I smirked.

He ushered me inside, and as I proceeded into the room, he turned on the lights before continuing our conversation.

"I'm shocked; I figured you'd have settled for the Queen and nothing less," he took off his coat and set it over the padded wooden desk chair along the wall.

"Why would I ever want to be the laziest, demanding, and pompous woman out there? I mean, the only one in the deck that makes up for it is the Queen of Hearts—if I had to be one it'd be her since I'm already skilled in the art of tugging on men's heart-strings. Other than that, no deal." I smirked as I sat on the plush mattress.

The room itself was above the standard filth I was used to, and I was honestly the slightest bit impressed. It had a pretty spacious western-style bed dressed with a scarlet duvet cover that had simple, yet elegant patterns stitched throughout it. The pillows looked extremely comfortable rather than worn out with tattered cases as well. I hadn't seen the bathroom yet, but I already assumed that if the bed was nice, then the bathroom would be right up in that same alley.

Hitsugaya wandered over to the sliding glass door that separated the room from the balcony, and opened it up to let the brisk night air in before returning to the table and taking some belongings out of his pockets. He unbuttoned the barrel cuffs on his long sleeved shirt, and I accepted that as a signal it was actually going to happen.

I took a deep breath, and began to fiddle through my purse in search of my usual supplement.

"Just let me have a cigarette first." I muttered.

He gave me a questioning look. "If a cigarette is _first_ , then what are you implying comes _second_?"

I stopped mid-stride and narrowed my eyes in returned confusion. "What do _you_ mean?"

"That's what I'm asking _you._ "

"Right, and I'm in turn asking _you._ "

"But what is it that you're even asking?"

"Clearly what you meant by your statement."

He chuckled and let one corner of his lips turn up.

"Okay. Let's try this again; I'm confused by why asked to have a cigarette first. It seemed as if you were implying that something was about to happen and you wanted to postpone it for a moment." He explained.

"Well yes—that's exactly what I meant." I replied mirroring the same amused facial expression.

"Okay. So, in return to your request, I asked what it is you're thinking comes after you finish your cigarette."

"To which I asked you what you meant because _you're_ the one that brought _me_ here."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled.

"Okay—let me just elaborate the obvious. You brought me to a hotel, which means that you're asking for payment for the help you've given me for the past few nights. So, before I _pay_ you, I'm going to have a cigarette first since its been a few hours since I last had one." I explained with sass.

"Payment? When did I ask you for payment?" he questioned.

"When you brought me here—clearly." I chuckled.

"No, not clearly. What kind of payment do you think I'm asking you for?" he questioned seriously; the smile from his face gone.

"Sex. What else? Why would you bring me to a hotel in the first place? Unless you're travelling far abroad, when a man takes a woman to a hotel, it usually all pans out to being for that reason. Aside from that, you already put two and two together and figured out I don't have a lot of money—why not just have me perform to pay you? It makes sense; I'm a fucking whore anyway, minus well use me for what I'm experienced at." I turned away and chuckled, walking out the door as I readied my cigarette.

"Besides; I don't like owing anyone anyway. I can pay fo—"

His hand took my shoulder lightly, and I turned around to look up at the man peering down at me.

"Kiteyama, I would _never_ ask you to do something like that for me. I didn't bring you here so that you could pay me back sexually; I brought you here so that you could sleep somewhere comfortably for a few hours. You've been through a lot the past few days, and were even falling asleep on the bus; I brought you here so you can relax for a short while. I'm not helping you because I expect something in return; I'm helping you because you don't deserve to be treated as you have, or to continue to live that way. There's much more to life than that, and it isn't fair that the life you had was taken from you. I'm fulfilling my obligation not only as a Taichou, but as a decent man; I'm not going to just standby and watch as someone is broken down to pieces in front of me."

He stopped to see if I would say anything, but all I could do was stare blankly. I couldn't even process just what the Hell even happened. Someone doing something for no payment—just what fuck was this guy?

He took his hand back, and turned to look at the distance with an emotion I could only make out as irritation. "Please don't ever think that I would even _think_ of treating you that way. That type of horrendous behavior is something I would _never_ take pride in—for anyone to treat someone like that is completely unacceptable."

He looked back at me to see me still suck in my surprised stupor; cigarette in my frozen raised hand.

"Got it?" he asked.

I slowly nodded my head. He turned back around and walked forward to lean against the rail. A few moments of chirping crickets passed while I remained in my awestruck void, and then finally I broke out of the stillness and leaned beside him.

I lit my cigarette, took a deep drag, and exhaled slowly.

I placed my own hand on his shoulder, to which he turned to look me in the eye. I smiled up at him, gazing into his kind orbs with sincere appreciation—something it seemed more and more that I was going to have to get used to.

"You really are a _Prince Charming,_ "


	7. Chapter 7

"We're going to have to infiltrate."

"Uh…beg your pardon?"

"You heard me right, Kiteyama-san—it's looking like that's our only option." Urahara affirmed.

I shifted uncomfortably on the padded pillow beneath me, and put down the tea I was attempting to drink.

"What were the results of your testing?" Hitsugaya asked next to me.

Urahara took another sip of tea, and then began to explain. "Along with the Seki-Seki, there's a type of barrier melded together with traces of reiatsu. I can't really determine exactly how the barrier was created or what it is exactly, but think of it having similarity to kidou. I had Tessai-san take a look at it as well, and even he couldn't do much about it. We're dealing with someone who's skilled—that much is apparent. I could try some more testing, but I don't know if it'll hurt Kiteyama-san more than it already has. Our fastest, and best option is to infiltrate."

"And so how does infiltrating help? If it has a type of kidou layer, then it doesn't make much sense to storm enemy territory." Hitsugaya countered.

Urahara smiled and held his hand out toward me. I assumed he wanted to look at the bracelet, so I set my wrist in his hand and stared at the contraption as well.

"While normally you would be correct, it isn't the case this time. Look here," Urahara turned the bracelet to display the keyhole. "There's a special key that can more than likely open this without it becoming problematic. Since everything is taking place here in the World of the Living, our enemy took precautions—he designed this bracelet so that in case of anything, it can be removed by a human-like object rather than only by methods unknown to humans. With the type of operation they've been able to run for so many years, it makes sense that they would take precautions in case the authorities became involved." Urahara explained.

"That makes sense—I can't tell you how many times the cops have come in to play and some of us have almost been taken." I stated, taking my wrist back and leaning back on my other hand.

"So, my suggestion is that we take the rest of the day to come up with a plan. Kiteyama-san, do you know where the key might be kept? Perhaps your handler might keep it in his possession?" Urahara questioned.

I sat back up and took a sip of the tea that Tessai brought us. "No, Rafael wouldn't have something like that. If he did it would've promoted me to have thoughts of escape, and they didn't want that at all costs. I'd say it's kept at the main facility for sure. The only problem is that I have no idea where it would be kept—when I was there, I only really was allowed in two rooms and the hallways that connected them. When I was still living there, when it was time for work I was blindfolded and dragged to the facility—it wasn't until I became trusted that I actually got a partial glimpse of the building inside, and of course from the outside. I remember how to get to the building from my apartment strangely enough though."

"I see. Well, knowing where it is at the very least is a start. Tessai-san! Were you able to find the map?" Urahara asked.

The tall, black-haired man rocking an apron re-entered the room with the rolled up map in his hand, and spread it across the table upon his arrival. I as well as the others looked down at it for a few moments until Hitsugaya placed his forefinger on a group of buildings.

"From what I remember, your apartment was somewhere around here, wasn't it?"

Now that he pointed it out, I was able to get a better grasp on the area. Since I'd never been outside of my usual stomping grounds, I didn't know where anything was. I turned the map so that I could get a better visual, and traced my finger until it was over my prior residence.

"This is officially where I lived." I began. "If you go down this way," I traced my finger down the streets as if I were walking down them, "You have to make a couple of turns, and then it should be right here."

All three of them looked down at it, and before they could ask, I beat them to it. "Yes, I know it looks small, but from what I heard a lot of it was underground. We were kept above ground at a weak attempt at a humane provision, but underground is where all the action happened." I explained.

"I don't know just how far it stretches out, but I know how to get down there at the very least." I shrugged.

"Knowing where it's located is a good start, and knowing that it's primarily underground is even better information. I'd assume there's more entrances than one?" Urahara looked at me.

"Your guess is as good as mine." I shrugged.

"Kiteyama, is there anyway that you could draw out the interior that you do know of?" Hitsugaya asked.

"Yeah, probably. Hang on," I opened my purse and dug around for my Diner notepad and pen. "Okay, give me another sec."

I ripped out four pieces of paper, and drew out the outline of the building displayed on the map. The front entrance looked like a construction shop and was spacious for the most part, but then toward the back down the hallway was where the real fun was located. The two first rooms looked like the office and restroom facilities of the construction site, but through the office's back 'closet' door was a hallway that led to the true purpose of the facility. There was the whore dormitory to the left of the hallways end, and then to the right was an unknown room to me, and the elevator that led underground next to it.

I took out more pieces of paper to draw the first—and hopefully only—underground level. Once the elevator arrived, it led forward and then to the right to get to my old place of business, and beyond that was unknown to me. I left the hallway I drew with incomplete lines, and explained everything to the group of men around me.

"Thanks for the visual," Urahara complimented.

"Its not much. I wish I knew what else was down there, but at the same time I don't wanna know." I took a sip of tea.

"Judging from the upstairs, there has to be another entrance in. It seems highly unlikely to me that they would let the clientele pass the room they keep the women in during downtime." Hitsugaya pieced. "It has to be through this area, or through another building nearby that connects underground. It's the only logical way around." He concluded.

"I agree—it would be too risky to let clients near where the women are kept." Urahara agreed.

"Sounds about right, but to be honest I wouldn't be able give you a definitive answer. We couldn't see anything when we were in there, but that doesn't mean we couldn't hear. I'd hear lots of footsteps from time to time, but who knows if they belonged to clients or not." I sat back and crossed my arms.

Urahara joined my relaxed position after a quick sip of tea, and stared at the map on the table for a few moments.

"While this is a good start, we're going to need more details. Assuming they've constructed the underground level illegally, that leaves us with no available specs to utilize. I think the only option for more information is a full on reconnaissance of the area along with the surrounding facilities. Wouldn't you agree?" Hitsugaya turned to Urahara.

"Seems like it." Urahara agreed. "We should get Kurosaki-san's assistance on this one, Hitsugaya-Taichou. The more of us there are, the better the chances of finding the key. None of us should have a problem dealing with humans, however, there's the other unknown element that could cause some trouble. Having the extra manpower behind us is a good precaution."

"I agree." He said.

"What about me?" All three of them looked to me as I continued. "Am I staying or going?"

I really didn't want to go at all, but it felt wrong if I were to stay. It was all for me anyway, shouldn't I assist in attaining my own freedom? I wasn't the type to just sit back and not do anything if it involved myself in something non-work related. Above that, I don't care what Hitsugaya told me last night—the thought of owing these people more than I already do makes me sick to my stomach. The more I could help with, the better I'd feel is what I'd reasoned.

The only huge problem I faced is the thought of going back into that hole; the thought of remaining there for eternity made me unconditionally cringe. Then again, they'd probably just kill me rather than keep me again—I was worrying over nothing.

"Its too risky; you should stay as far away as possible. I don't doubt our abilities, however my main concern is that it's three versus an unknown number of people. If we're occupied, you'd be on your own." Hitsugaya answered.

"We should take her, Hitsugaya-Taichou," Urahara replied before I could.

Hitsugaya looked at his shady-eyed acquaintance sharply, and he continued.

"She'd be unguarded if we left her somewhere. You said it yourself—we don't know how many we're up against. Lets say that while we're busy dealing with them, Kiteyama-san is left on her own and is captured, then everything will have been for nothing. With that bracelet on her, I can't sense the slightest bit of reiatsu—locating her for a rescue would be like a needle in a haystack. On top of this, if we're thrown into a scenario in which the key could be obliterated, we'd have a higher chance of getting her out of the gigai if she were there."

They both made pretty valid points. As much as I hated to admit it, I had to side with Urahara on this one. If I were left by myself and captured, it'd be over. This little bit of hope that I'd allowed to seep through would immediately burn up like gasoline. As much as I had a feeling that it would anyway…

I looked up into the aquamarine gaze that stared into me.

As pessimistic as I was…this Romeo staring into me was working so hard for my sake. He was giving it his all to make sure that I get out of this alive. I felt obligated to give it a shot, even if the amount of effort was half-hearted and miniscule.

"I'm with Urahara on this. I'd love to never see that place again, but at least if anything happens to me, you guys would know immediately and be able to assist." I said to Hitsugaya.

"You could get hurt, Kiteyama," he warned. The concern he had was apparent, and the gesture made those insects inside me stretch out their wings.

"It wouldn't be the first time. I'll be fine." I looked away from him with a smirk. "Trust me, broken limbs is like a walk in the park these days."

I felt like Hitsugaya wanted to say something, but he bit it back with his better judgement. I didn't blame the guy—battling a pessimist wasn't an easy feat.

"All right, we'll bring her with us. In the meantime, we'll get Kurosaki and go for reconnaissance. Either you or I will stay back with her so that two can go for the sweep rather than just one. Do you have his number, or should I head over there?" Hitsugaya asked.

"No, no—I have his number. I'll get him on the line for you." Urahara told him as he got up with Tessai and left the room.

Hitsugaya looked at me as soon as they'd left, and I almost squirmed under the gaze.

"Can I help you?"

He sat back and crossed his arms, uncertainty clearly the culprit of his hesitance.

"I'll be fine—cut out the storybook-hero concern." I reached into my purse for my cigarettes. "I'm not as defenseless as you think. I might not have my Shinigami abilities anymore, but I do know basic defense and offense maneuvers. I shouldn't be that much of a weight for you to drag."

"That isn't what I'm concerned about." He replied, standing up along with me.

"What then?" I asked as he followed behind me.

"I'm more concerned whether or not you—"

"Hitsugaya-Taichou! I have Kurosaki-san on the line!" Urahara called.

Hitsugaya looked down at me, and I let a small smirk out to ease the stiffness.

"We all have our demons. It's up to each person to fight or be consumed. They've taken a few bites already—it's about time I returned the favor." I winked before turning back around.

"Ya know, ya oughta cut out that Prince Charming shit—it'll get you in trouble one day." I said as I closed the door on him.

-x-x-

"Are you ready?" Hitsugaya placed a heavy hand on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be." I exhaled.

I looked back at the two Shinigami in their true forms and Urahara still in his gigai with his Zanpakutou—disguised in the form of a cane—placed precariously on his shoulder. Urahara had a grin spread across his face as if he were a child about to play an exciting level of a videogame. That childlike innocence the man portrayed was something else—he made me want grin up along side him.

"Lets go," Kurosaki took the lead.

The formation was Kurosaki in the lead, Urahara second, myself third, and Hitsugaya last. The only two visible to the living were Urahara and myself, which was ultimately our trump card until the unknown came into play. I myself was looking forward to the shock on the enemy's faces when they get bested by something they can't see. It seemed pretty foolproof.

We entered the secret elevator Kurosaki and Urahara found earlier, and waited in anxious silence for the doors to open at the bottom floor. I tried to control my breathing in the tiny shaft of an elevator—heavy breathing would only add to the anxiety I was feeling. While I was playing the part of an unfazed, battle-ready trooper on the outside, I was already panicking on the inside. It wasn't that I didn't trust them, it was just that this place haunted almost every waking thought behind the scenes. All the rapes, all the drug induced hallucinations, all the torture—this place brought it all back to life.

The elevator doors opened, and immediately two of the handlers were already on us like white on rice; guns already pointed at Urahara's head.

"Who are you?" they asked.

"Just a humble shop owner looking for a good time," Urahara leaned into his cane.

"It's her!" The one on the right shouted into a microphone attached to his coat—great. He pointed his gun immediately at me, and I rose my hands up.

"It isn't nice to point your gun at a lady," Urahara said, that grin still plastered on his face.

"Get out of the elevator now!" The man with his gun pointed at me shouted.

Kurosaki intervened at that moment by kicking the man's gun out of his hand, and punching him in the face. He flew down from the force, and before the other could do anything, Urahara pushed the gun away and swiped him down with one foul swing. Kurosaki stepped out of the elevator fully, and already the sound of the two's impact alerted a swarm of handlers into the room.

Hitsugaya pushed me out of the elevator, and stood in front of me. He put up some type of protective barrier, and with good reason. The five that swarmed in immediately pulled out their guns and pointed all of them at Urahara and I.

"Kiteyama Akinoyo, get on the ground now!" one of the men barked.

"Leave us just one please," Urahara asked Kurosaki and Hitsugaya.

"Yeah, yeah," Kurosaki replied with heavy playfulness in his tone.

The two of them were both off faster than I could even see. They both took out two each easier than breathing it seemed, and the men dropped down like flies. Kurosaki took hold of the last one, and held the trembling man's hands behind his back.

"W-What did you do? How did you do that?" the coward stuttered out at Urahara.

"Magic." Urahara smirked as he walked over to the man.

Hitsugaya released the barrier in front of me, and I approached with him toward the others.

"Listen, we're here for something that belongs to our lovely Kiteyama-san here," he gestured at me, and held his hand out for me to place my wrist in. "and we're not leaving until we get it. Would you happen to know where we might find it?" he took his thumb and forefinger to my bracelet, and wiggled it lightly so he could get the hint.

The man grinned and forgot all about his paranormal experience with the amount of testosterone he decided to display.

"Like I would ever help out a _whore_ with anything," he chuckled. "You picked the wrong guy—you're shit out of luck,"

Urahara rose his cane and knocked the guy out immediately. We didn't have time to sit here and play games with these people—we were better off searching until it came down to the wire.

We turned face to the entry the goons came in from, and Kurosaki proceeded first. We crept down the hallway until we came to a 'T' crossing, and so we turned right once we checked to see if the coast was clear. As we progressed, the air around me became uncomfortably cold—like a deranged hospital kind of feel to it. I jutted my head around to see if there were any vents, or anything that could've even caused a mental disarray more than I already was experiencing.

Hitsugaya placed a hand on my shoulder as he strutted up to my side, and when I turned to look at him, an outline caught my periphery and caused immediate panic to hit me. I snapped my head behind us to see a creature out of a nightmare.

A beast hunched on all fours stood behind us farther down the hallway; streams of thick saliva escaping through its bared teeth. I stopped dead in my tracks, and with that sudden halt, Hitsugaya caught my gaze.

"We've got company," he alerted the rest of the group.

Hitsugaya attacked immediately as the creature resembling a crack-addicted canine sprinted toward us. Urahara was instantly in front of me as Kurosaki kept guard behind me.

If there was any doubt regarding the validity of this new fairytale world I lived in, this completely put it to rest. I watched in a complete stupor as Hitsugaya slaughtered the obsidian and turquoise colored Hollow, and watched as the action stained the floor in vivid scarlet. The creature faded into the atmosphere, and Hitsugaya shook his Zanpakutou clean of the Hollow's remnants.

The way Hitsugaya handled his Zanpakutou in just those brief moments alone smacked me again with realization that he was a very skilled individual. What happened just now was literal child's play compared to what I'm sure he could accomplish if he were serious. Urahara and Kurosaki I'd assume were skilled as well, but knowing that about them two didn't affect me as much as it did with Hitsugaya—maybe it's because I knew and trusted Hitsugaya more than them?

Hitsugaya turned back to look at me, and right when he did, another one of the hounds from Hell appeared from behind. The thing scaled the wall in a clawed sprint toward him, and I yelped trying to alert Hitsugaya. In a quick draw, Hitsugaya sliced the thing clean in two upon turning around, and the halves of it fell on the floor in a wet thump in front of me. I looked down at the cut flesh, and had to stifle the shiver I desperately wanted to give. This was going to be my life; I wasn't against it being thrown at my feet like this Hollow—at least this time I could step into it rather than being thrown in without a choice.

"They're multiplying,"

I looked away from the fading Hollow before me, and back up at the three more Hollow that appeared at the other end of the hallway.

"Unless I get to the root, they're not going to stop." Hitsugaya affirmed calmly.

He looked back at me, assessing my facial features to see my mental standpoint on the situation. All I could muster was the blank face I already possessed—I gave it my all not to seem more fazed than I already was.

"I'll catch up momentarily; don't let her out of your sight, Urahara," Hitsugaya turned back around.

"Glad we're on the same page," Urahara replied as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

He tugged on me to inch me out of my frozen stance, and I complied with a hesitant side-step. I didn't want Hitsugaya to stay here—I wanted him by my side. I wanted to tell him he couldn't go, and that I didn't want him to go up against those beasts alone. Before I could actually say anything, Hitsugaya had already gone; taking on the three Hollow all at once further up the hallway.

"He'll be fine, those Hollow are nothing compared to what he's used to," Urahara cooed.

I looked back at the shadowed man, and quickly nodded and turned to follow close behind him and Kurosaki. Urahara fell back behind me for my protection, and we twisted down through the labyrinth of hallways—the two of them taking down black-garbed goons as we went.

We came upon a spacious room, and once the enemy saw my face, the twenty plus pawns all rushed at me for capture. Urahara stepped in front of me, and drew a large square with the tip of his cane at me, and a barrier invisible to the human eye appeared before me for protection. Kurosaki was like the ghost of an angered warrior from Hell; he took all of them on with such a speed and fierce amount of strength that I was in awe.

Urahara stood by my side, watching everything go down as if it was a re-run episode of his favorite television program. I wondered if I'd ever get used to this to where I came to that point as well—one would think that with all the shit I'd been through I'd already be accustomed to it, but my irregular heartbeat said otherwise. The men were completely baffled with what was happening, and before they could even properly react and take cover, over half of their force was taken out.

A sharp, scraping noise had my head snap to the left side of the room. The entire wall began to slid open; the huge metal chain circulating at the top pulling the door back like heavy nails on a chalkboard. Everyone turned to look, and as they did, claws bigger than I'd ever seen crept from within, and curled over the opening; pulling the huge door to open even faster. I stepped back out of reflex, and upon my step, a deep, yet loud growl stirred from within this burgundy fingered creature behind the door.

Urahara immediately rose his cane to me, and the single-walled barrier previously in front of me now encased me against the wall in a coffin-like fashion.

"Stay in there—nothing can touch you within the barrier. If something happens, I'll tell you to run—you can break the barrier easily." Urahara told my stupefied face—I gave a quick nod before he disappeared to Kurosaki's side in a flash-step.

At that moment, the gate was forcibly pulled several feet wide, and a swarm of those Hollow monstrosities flooded the room as if a dam just broke. Our human adversaries had no idea just what was going on, and as they began to shoot at Urahara, several of the Hollow trampled and began to consume them without so much as a second thought. Seeing the blood and hearing the choking and gurgling sounds made my gag reflex spike, and it took everything within me to keep my composure and steady breathing.

Kurosaki and Urahara attacked each and every Hollow within arms reach. There were so many that flooded us that it was difficult even for them to move around from spot they were in. As they dealt with the creatures, the wall finally finished opening, and I looked up toward the ceiling to lock eyes with glowing red and slender irises. The grotesque masked beast roared so loudly I plugged my ears in reaction. Once it finished, the half serpent lunged itself toward the two Shinigami in the middle of the room. My eyes widened, and I covered my mouth to not yelp from the fear that creature instilled within me, and the fear that it might just kill the two of them.

Amidst all the chaos directly in front of me, I closed my eyes and tried to focus back on calming myself down. I breathed deeply and slowly, and held my breath in an effort to restart the cycle. While my breath was held, sharp intakes, high-pitched restrained yelps, and fast-paced footsteps sounded by the entrance next to me. My eyes shot open, and I turned my head to the side to look diagonally through the opening and into the hallway.

A tied up, half-naked woman was tackled onto the ground—a stray Hollow atop her and snapping it's fangs at her like a hungry wolf. She was holding it off her with her duct-tapped hands; crying and screaming in a muffled panic through the duct-tape covering her mouth as the creature inched closer to her by the second. In her eyes I saw my own fear magnified tenfold—to top it off this poor woman probably couldn't even see the ravenous carnivore trying to sink its teeth into her. I looked back to the scene in front of me ready to yell for them to save her, but they both were occupied fighting against this monstrously huge creature taking up almost the entire room.

I had to make a decision and I had to make it quick. I didn't know this woman, but there was one thing we had in common—we were both torn from the same cloth, the sister I never knew in arms, and an innocent human female above all else. I reached down into my boot, and yanked out the small switchblade I kept tucked in the inner strap. I snapped it open and looked at it with determination.

I was a Shinigami. This was my job. I couldn't stand here and let these fucking creatures scare me any longer. I had an obligation, and I needed to get my fucking ass in gear—as much as it scared me into a mental fetal position.

A long, pained howl came from the woman, and I knew I couldn't lollygag any longer.

I burst through the barrier, and jumped on top of the back of the Hollow with a new adrenaline I'd never felt before. It lurched back like a horse unwelcoming its mounter, and I flew off its back behind it. It turned around to snarl at me as I got up on all fours, and the piercing stare had me internally trembling with fear. I didn't let up the stare, and I grit my own teeth as the thing waited for me to slip.

"Come _fucking_ at me then!" I snarled at it.

In an instant, the beast leapt toward me, and I readied myself for the 90% chance that it's fangs were going to pierce through my neck. Its two front legs pushed me onto my back, and it landed on top of me as my head smashed against the concrete floor. It allowed no time for me to recollect; it bent its head and went in for a bite at me. My left hand was immediately at its throat, and in a fluid display of emergency retaliation, I stabbed my switch blade into the side of its neck and pushed as hard as I could.

It gurgled and yelped in pain, and its blood rushed out of its neck onto my chest. I quickly utilized the moment to push the masked creature off me, and I was now the one on top of him. I ripped out my knife, stabbed the thing through the skull, and held it there until I was sure it wasn't going to get back up. I took out my knife with shaky hands, and wiped the blade off on my sleeve before putting it back into my boot slowly.

I felt like I was in a complete fog at that point; my body completely in auto-pilot from the explosion of emotions that caused a calm-before-the-mental breakdown within me. I walked with heavy footsteps to the woman in laced lingerie, and knelt down to her level. She was hunched over in the fetal position I myself wanted to be in, and tears were streaming down her face as she trembled from the entire episode.

I put my hand on her shoulder lightly, and she slowly looked up at me with her puffy sky-blue eyes tainted with the heavy emotional scar she'd just received. I saw my own reflection in her eyes, and saw myself within her wrecked soul. Scared, hurting, alone…

My own tears threatened to escape just looking at her.

A loud roar broke my symbolic trance, and I knew that I had to knock it off and get a move on—she was relying on me. I took hold of her by her bicep, and looked at her fiercely—she met my gaze.

"We have to go, right—"

The sole of a boot pushed and smashed my head against the ground faster than I could even comprehend. The brown-haired woman muffled words at me, but before I could do anything, the sound of a gunshot rang in my ears, and the female thumped lifelessly beside me. Her wide-opened and dead eyes stared into me, sending painful memories to coarse through me before forecasting my own immediate future. All I could do was breathe.

My hands were yanked from under me, and secured by my wrists in the same method displayed on the late whore in front of me. The person yanked me up, and tapped my mouth shut next before taking hold of all my hair in a single grab.

He stood up, and dragged me behind him down the hallway as I struggled to make a move. He stopped momentarily to whack me with—what I assumed—was his gun, and when I stopped movement from my blurred vision, he continued to drag me as he fast-walked away from the main event. A few minutes passed in extreme mental effort to pull myself together—to little avail.

Finally we entered a room, and he slammed the door shut and locked it behind us. He dragged me over to one of the beds utilized for my former employment, and duct-tapped my hands to the metal frame beside me.

My vision and basic motor functions began to return after he was already said and done, and I looked up at the man admiring my pitiful state.

Fucking Kami…

It was _him_.

Of course it was _him_.

It was my luck for it to be _him_.

"So, you thought that you could just keep running and that we'd never find you?" he laughed as he bent down and lightly grazed his fingers over my taped mouth.

I lurched my head forward in faked bravado, staring at him with such a bloodlust that made even myself shudder. In one swift motion, he put his hand fully over my mouth and slammed my head against the bed rail behind me.

"You're still as naïve as I remember—that won't save you from me this time though,"

He pushed off my face and back into his lazy standing position. He walked across the room—the metal outlining his steel-toed boots clinking with each step he took toward the table.

"Every morning when I wake up, do you know who I get the pleasure of thinking of?" he asked as he picked up a slender knife and held it to the light. As he and I watched it glisten, he continued. "I get out of bed, walk to the bathroom, and look in the mirror. I see the empty void where my left eye used to be, and think of all the different ways I want to kill you. Some days it's drowning you, some days it's slicing your throat open and reaching down inside to rip your heart out from within you—it varies based on my mood." He looked over and grinned.

I almost gagged at the vivid depiction of my own demise. My toes clenched as the line of ghost pain traced from my chin down to my collarbone. This guy wanted me dead more than anyone else ever had—his words held so much weight to them that it made even my vision waver just from the fear the words induced.

He turned back around and set the knife back down; picking up a battery operated electric saw instead. He turned it on, listening to the mellifluous whir of it as if it were the harps of angels. He fiddled with something else on the table, and I took the opportunity as if were my last. I shifted onto my side, and lifted my right foot quickly and quietly toward where my hands were duct-tapped beside me. I was able to reach the zipper, and quickly unzipped my boot over the sound of the saw.

"You know what I do at the end of the day?" he turned back around, making me stop in the nick-of-time before he could see me.

"When another day goes by that I can't kill you, I coo myself into an easy slumber remembering the fun we had last time. My absolute favorite memory is of the one just under your navel; I think of that one in particularly when I'm jacking it—it's the one that always makes me cum gloriously." He chuckled.

This piece of shit made me shudder; he was the most despicable fucking creature in existence, and deserved a fate worse than death. Although my hate for him was above my hate for anyone else, my fear of him was just as great—if not greater.

"I'll tell you what though, Kiteyama; the fun that we're going to have right now will forever be my most treasured memory—even more than our last encounter," he held up a pair of pliers and showed his teeth in a toothy grin to me.

"I'm already hard just thinking about it."


	8. Chapter 8

" _Akinoyo-chan,"_

" _H-Hai?"_

" _What are you thinking about?"_

_I sniffled and gulped to clear my throat._

_Her holding me and the way that her hazel eyes made me feel when she looked into me, the smooth skin of her palm as it grazed over my arm, and the way that I welcomed every single touch from her—those were the things my mind strayed to as an escape, and as my own personal place of peace._

_I didn't have heart to tell her about those thoughts—she already knew just how much I relied on her, and I didn't want her to find out anymore. The extreme emotional attachment was a sickening sort of unhealthy reliance that was beyond the realm of being remotely acceptable—she didn't deserve the extra strain. She had her own demons to deal with, and I didn't want to eventually turn into an even bigger hindrance to her. All I wanted was for her to be happy, and for her to live a carefree life away from all this. I'd keep this unhealthy yet soothing reliance to myself, and if Miyuki ever pushed me away, then I would force that reliance to die upon her wish._

_The thought of what she would be like outside this fortress of lust brought a small smile to my face. I imagined her in a lush, vibrant chartreuse meadow with flowers scattered about; basking in the sunlight that caused her chocolate hair to glisten in an undertone of golden waves. She'd don a pale violet sundress that would ripple with the breeze, and make her giggle as it flapped in between her legs. She'd look at all the colors of the flowers, and smile as she admired the naturally artistic petals. The bright gold and silver that trickled throughout her hazel eyes soaked with blissful and carefree emotion would outshine any of those flowers…_

" _N-Nothing really," I replied with a wavering voice._

_She giggled softly. "You're a terrible liar, Akinoyo-chan,"_

_She tucked a stray hair that fell over my face behind my ear, and smiled at me._

" _It's okay to tell me," she affirmed as her hand rested along the side of my face._

_I connected with the light-hearted gaze she had on me, and knew I couldn't resist her. I would choose my words carefully as to not cause any form of disarray, and answer her in the most earnest way I could._

" _I-I was just thinking how w-wonderful it would be to leave this place," I whispered. It wasn't necessarily a lie—it just wasn't the whole truth._

_She inhaled as her thumb lightly caressed my cheek. "That would be wonderful indeed," she replied after the exhale._

_I watched as her line of sight veered off to the stained ceiling above us floor-dwellers in thought. She still had that smile on her face, and closed her eyes._

" _M-Miyuki,"_

" _Hmm?" she answered._

" _M-May I ask what you're thinking of as well?" I requested._

_She opened her eyes and looked right back into me; a blush spreading across my face from the way I requested something so selfishly._

" _I'm thinking about how lovely it would be to see the ocean again," she closed her eyes. "The sound of the birds calling, the smell of the salted winds, the way the ocean washes the sand smooth and clean—that's what I'm thinking about." She smiled._

_My lush meadow that back dropped the carefree Miyuki I envisioned previously immediately was replaced by this cherished place of hers. I could imagine her gazing into a tide pool filled with tiny, delicate creatures now—what I wouldn't give to actually take her there…_

" _T-That sounds lovely," I whispered._

" _Have you ever been, Akinoyo-chan?" she asked._

_I shook my head shyly, to which she scooted closer and pressed her forehead to mine._

" _I promise that if we ever get out of here, I'm going to take you there, Akinoyo-chan—it's too lovely to pass up if the opportunity arises." She told me._

_It made me happy that she was kind enough to extend the offering, but I knew better than anyone that it was nearly impossible that it was ever going to happen. I didn't let reality divert my peaceful thoughts away—I wanted to stay in this make-believe world I'd invented for as long as I could…_

" _M-Miyuki," I whispered._

" _Hmm?"_

" _Please…can you tell me more about the ocean? I only have a v-vague recollection of it,"_

_Here I was again, death-gripping my ticket to happiness for as long as I could._

" _I would love to," she whispered._

_-x-x-_

_A few months had passed, and I found myself gradually becoming more used to the flow of the things here. Miyuki helped me so much—not a night has gone by that she hasn't comforted me. Now most nights I didn't cry myself to sleep—Miyuki would describe different topographical places of this wide world to me once a week, and I found so much comfort in piecing all of it together._

_Three of the places she described stuck out to me more than the other places—the ocean I imagined my beloved heroine in, the lights that painted the night sky in hues of purple and green in the landscape of pure icy white, and the deep, tranquil forests of the mountains. The first two were the ones I yearned for the most, but the third one was one that I feel as if I could dwell in forever. The smell of the wooden wonderland, the sounds of the animals going about their day, and the low whistle of the wind sweeping through the trees on a starry night—now that sounded marvelous._

_Imagining all of these different places had my heart leaping at the thought of going to them, but I kept the beast in it's cage so as not to fool myself with unrealistic notions. Although I knew none of it would actually happen, I didn't let these new places fade out of reach—they were my places of solace and peace, and it was all thanks to Miyuki that I even had any of these places._

_Thinking about her had my mind stray once again to a feeling I'd been having lately. Miyuki seemed off within these past few months—as if something was on her mind. She hadn't said anything, or told me that something happened, yet the bright aura that usually radiated from her seemed to be getting dim._

_Miyuki had always focused all of her free time on me—not once had she ever vented to me, or came to me for comfort. She gave me the impression that my presence was enough to provide some consolation to herself, but now that I began to notice something was wrong, I realized that maybe I was wrong about that. Out of all of us, Miyuki was requested the most. She was worked more than any of us, and was absolutely exhausted by the time she was brought back to our room. Maybe it was finally catching up with her? She'd always make herself seemed unfazed, but maybe…_

" _Miyuki," I whispered from her bosom._

" _Hai, hai?" she whispered back warmly._

_I tried to think of an appropriate way to ask her, but my own emotion got the better of me, and I ended up blurting it out._

" _Miyuki, what's wrong?" I asked, leaving her bosom and looking her in the eye._

_Her warm gaze met my determined one, and she closed her eyes in a giggle._

" _You're too cute, Akinoyo-chan," she placed her forefinger on my chin and tapped a few times. I blushed at the compliment._

" _Why do you think something's wrong?" she asked._

" _I just…I just feel like there's something on your mind that's bothering you; I feel like…you're growing distant," I sheepishly admitted._

_Kami, I was selfish. I wanted her always—front and center—to be her radiant self for me. She made me feel human, and I didn't want that feeling to ever get lost or taken from me._

" _You're so funny, Akinoyo-chan—I'm right here with you; wasn't I holding you a few moments ago?" she smiled._

_I blushed. "Y-Yes, but…" I looked away and her hand left my face and went to my bicep._

" _I'm okay, Akinoyo-chan; I promise." I looked back into her and she winked at me—making my own blush increase tenfold._

_She tugged my arm gently, and I obliged by wedging myself back in her warm embrace. She nudged her face against the top of my head, and breathed lightly into me as she settled._

" _Akinoyo-chan, you're the world to me—don't ever forget that," she whispered._

_**Me? Her world?** _

" _Akinoyo-chan, I need you to know something." She began before I could respond._

_The change in her tone was serious, and even though she literally just told me that nothing was wrong, I began to feel panicked at her words._

_She crept to my ear and cupped her hand over it as she whispered softly. "There is something in this room that must stay between us…"_

_-x-x-_

_Where was she?_

_It was_ _ **far**_ _past our last-call clients…did something happen? Was she in trouble? Did someone try to hurt her?_

_I laid under Miyuki's window worried out of my mind. It was normal for us to sometimes go over the cut off time due to the insistence of the client, but this was just far too long to be normal. Something had to have happened. I had such a bad feeling in my gut._

_Heavy footsteps and the sound of something scampering across the floor made everyone's head snap to the door._

_The outer deadbolts began to unlock, and we knew the handlers were coming. Were they bringing Miyuki? Was she finally done for the night?_

" _Wake the fuck up, you fucking maggots!" A hoarse, male voice shouted furiously._

_The door slammed open—making a hole in the wall from the metal doorknob—and a man with long black hair and a scar across his face stood in the doorway. There was a female with brown hair on the floor behind him; held up by—_

_I froze at the visual; my panic resulting in a choked out breath._

_They had Miyuki!_

_All the girls scrambled back to line the walls of the room; hiding their faces under one another as they cowered at the handler in the room. The handler dragged Miyuki forward as he and another handler I'd never seen before walked in after them._

" _Listen up you fucking whores!" the long black haired one began. "You see this bitch here?" he lifted up Miyuki in front of everyone._

_She grunted in pain through her duct-tapped mouth; her eyes watered yet they were angry and determined rather than scared. She struggled up against the handler—wiggling around to try to get out of his grasp. He slammed her down to the ground as punishment, and she momentarily subsided from her efforts due to the head slam she'd just received._

_My heart was shattering just looking at the scene before me. This…this wasn't supposed to be happening to_ _**her** _ _!_

" _This fucking cunt tried to pull a fast one on us tonight—she tried to escape with one of her clients!" The handler continued with thick anger in his voice. "Now tell me, is that allowed?" He asked the entire group._

_All the women shook their heads, which in turn only angered him._

" _Answer me when I'm fucking talking to you!" he shouted._

" _No, Sir!" all of them except for myself shouted in unison._

" _That's more I like it! That's how you answer when a man asks you a question—don't ever forget your fucking place, maggots!" he began. "Trying to escape is the one rule that will not be overlooked! If you break this rule and we catch you, there is_ _ **no going back.**_ _There's only one punishment that you will receive. Anyone want to take a guess what that might be?" he grinned._

_Silence—only Miyuki's staggered pants rising above the stiff atmosphere._

" _No guesses? Well, allow us to educate all of you. Pay close attention!" he pulled Miyuki up to her knees, and the other handler that had his head shaved down to his pony tail approached Miyuki._

_He grinned and cracked his neck, then without another moment passing kicked Miyuki in the stomach._

" _No!" the shout ripped out of me._

" _Yes!" the long haired handler corrected. "Take it all in," he continued as the other handler kept kicking in her ribcage. "Look what happens when you bitches think you have an option!"_

_I couldn't do this. I couldn't sit there and watch. I…Miyuki…she…_

_Adrenaline pierced and dispersed all panic within me. This is what I had to do. There was no other alternative._

_I crept my right by hand behind me to the cracked baseboard behind me._

" _ **There is something in this room that must stay between us…"**_

_I hooked the small knife behind the baseboard with my middle finger, and dragged it out into my palm. I only had one shot at this—I had to do this right._

" _Leave her alone!" I snarled right before launching myself at them._

_The one beating Miyuki smirked, and struck me down without even flinching. My head collided with the concrete and sent a flurry of stars to cloud my vision. The handler laughed at how quickly he was able to take me down, and the one holding Miyuki hostage decided to make a spectacle of it._

" _Attacking a handler? Do you even realize just what's going to happen to you now?" the long-haired one cackled._

_Miyuki's muffled shouting from the floor made its way to me, and I knew I couldn't give up. I crept my right hand that held the knife underneath me, and slowly slid it open._

" _Anyone want to take a guess at what's going to happen to her? Kami, I should've been a teacher with all these lessons I'm giving today!" he mused._

" _Shit man, these fucking bitches aren't the smartest group out there," the one that attacked me chuckled along with him._

_I listened—waiting for the opportune moment to strike. I'd already gotten this close; all I needed to do now was…_

_He turned around toward Miyuki and the other as he continued to speak, and I knew that it was now or never. I hopped to my feet as quickly as my muscles allowed, and I stabbed him in the back with the small knife. As he grunted from the pain, I slashed it back out and prepared for my next attack._

_I don't know where it came from, but I'd formed a type of guarded and prepared stance with the knife—holding the blade in reverse with my thumb over the plastic hilt, and my left hand hovering behind it ready to aid the blow or defend. The man turned, and as he did, I made my second strike. I slashed at his face, taking out his right eye with the quick movement._

_The man screamed and hunched over in pain as he held his bloodied face. I took my knife and held it high above my head; ready to take this man's life with a stab to the back of his neck._

_A gunshot flew past me, and I froze at the sound of it with the followed screaming. I looked up to see the handler detaining Miyuki holding his smoking gun directly at me. My hearing was gone from the aftershock of the sound, and because of this, I didn't notice the handler I'd attacked make his move._

_He elbowed my side, and when I hunched down from the immediate pain, he grabbed my hand, took the knife and slammed me to the ground. He shut the knife and put it in his pocket, then punched my face several times with enough force to break a cinderblock. As he bashed my face in, I could hear Miyuki scrambling and screaming in the background._

_I failed…I lost my chance…_

" _Stop!" the handler holding Miyuki shouted, coming up to our side with her._

" _Listen up everyone—this is what's going to happen to you if you ever resist us!" he pointed at me._

" _And this," he threw Miyuki down next to me; her hazel eyes glazed with fear and sorrow as she stared into me._

" _M-Mi…yu.." I tried to call through my bloodied mouth._

" _This is what happens when you try to leave us,"_

_Miyuki sniffled, and looked into my lavender eyes with an emotion that I could never forget._

_A gunshot._

" _Mi…yu...ki…"_

_The emotion in her hazel eyes faded instantly; a glazed look sweeping over the retinas that still looked into me._

_That glow she always had…_

… _it was gone._

… _ **she**_ _was gone._

_I screamed._

_I kicked and flailed and foamed at the mouth like a wolf with rabies—they took her…_ _**they took her from me…** _

_Both my hands shot up to the handler on top of me, and I clawed at him like an angry beast. He evaded me, and took out his own gun he'd tucked away in his coat. He seized both my arms, and bashed my skull with the titanium._

_-x-x-_

" _Wake up!"_

_My eyes fluttered open, an unfamiliar ceiling greeting me that caused immediate panic to lump in my throat. My eyes shifted around, and as I took in the unfamiliar walls, my breathing became rough and my lungs demanded more oxygen. When I tried to open my mouth, I realized it was tapped shut. I lifted up my head and saw that both my wrists were belted into the large wooden table I was spread-eagled atop of; my ankles strapped as well._

_Tears immediately escaped my eyes as I struggled to break through the belts that contained me. What was going on here? Why was I strapped? My eyes set on the man that woke me, and I glared upon the recognition of the now one-eyed man._

" _Good, I see you're awake." He grinned. He walked over to me, and stopped when he arrived beside my face. "You're going to pay for taking my eye away from me," he muttered, trying to control the anger the seeped from within._

_He reached into his pocket, and took out a small dagger with a shiny black hilt. He took the tip of it, and slowly placed it between my eyes. I stiffened from the threat, but tried to remain as calm as humanly possible. This is what he wanted—he wanted me to squirm._

" _But before I teach you what the phrase: 'an eye for an eye'_ really _means; we're going to have fun together," he pressed the knife into my swollen face, and cut a circular line of blood along the outer rim of my left eye socket. I tried to stay perfectly still so as not to cause an accidental stab into my eyeball itself, but maintaining my composure was so incredibly difficult given the situation._

_He took the knife and stuck it into the wood next to my face at eye-level. My vision shifted to it, and reflected just how panicked my lavender eyes were right back at me._

" _So that you can watch your eyes dilate in and out with the experience," he snickered as he walked around me to a large sheet-covered object on my right side._

" _I've always had a passion for anything construction related," he began as he took hold of the sheet. "Or in this case," he ripped off the sheet, revealing a large mechanical contraption with a spherical blade. "_ _ **deconstruction."**_ _He grinned._

_Panic couldn't even begin to describe the amount of unadulterated terror that surged through me. I don't remember when the new tears and choked sobs began; all I knew was that I had never been as terrified in my life as I was at that moment._

_He pushed the wheeled contraption forward, and outstretched its mechanical arm to hover near the side of my torso. He pressed something on the ground, and then locked the arm in place with a latch. He then reached toward the base of the contraption set on the platform and flicked a switch. As soon as he did, the arm extended straight forward—not an inch below the preset height. After it fully extended, it slowly retracted back to its original position before rotating a few degrees and stretching again. Once it reached mid-extension over me, he turned it off._

" _I made this beauty all on my own," he began as he delicately pushed the arm down closer to me. "It rotates a few degrees to the right, returns to the original position, then rotates a few degrees to the left—it's genius,"_

_The round sawblade now was a hair away from my bare stomach—if I moved any more than breathing, this saw would sink its teeth into me._

" _Perfect!" he mused._

_He flicked the switch, and the blade returned back to its dormant original position._

" _You ready, bitch?" He pressed another button, and the blade itself whirred to life._

" _Let's get started,"_

_He walked around to my left side, grinning from ear to ear as he watched the sawblade begin to extend just above my stiffened and sucked in stomach. I held my breath as it passed over me; cold sweat and stars clouding my vision from the most horrifying visual before me._

_He sat down on the chair positioned next to my left hand, and traced his finger along the veins in my wrist._

" _Give me a good show,"_

_While the saw was stretched over my center, he took my pinky finger and dislocated it out of its socket._

_I shot up and screamed from the pain, only to be met by the blinding hack of the saw against my stomach. I shot back down as my own blood splattered all over me; screaming and crying and panting from the blinding pain that dominated me entirely._

" _Now this…this is_ _ **fucking exhilarating!**_ _" he cackled. "This is what I've been needing to see," he continued._

_My vision wavered in and out from the pain, and I tried hard to focus on anything but what was happening._

_Someone…_

_Please…_

_Anyone…_

… _Mi-Miyuki…_

_He rubbed two fingers against my arm, my warm blood moving off my skin and to his fingers as he brought it up to his tongue. He licked it off, and grazed over my veins again leaving remnants of his saliva as he made his way up to my palm._

" _Now, where were we?"_

_-x-x-_

"I'll tell you what though, Kiteyama; the fun that we're going to have right now will forever be my most treasured memory—even more than our last encounter," he held up a pair of pliers and showed his teeth in a toothy grin to me.

"I'm already hard just thinking about it."

This was it.

He was going to actually kill me this time.

He toyed with me too much last time and lost the opportunity to end me, but now he knew that he had no time to lose. He knew what was going on outside that door, and he knew exactly what he was going to do to me in the allotted time frame.

He turned back to the table, and I immediately lifted my unzipped boot to my hands. My finger grazed the knife, and I struggled to get a hold of it.

"You think you would've learned from before," he began. "You saw what we did to that other whore—trying to escape after that is pretty fucking stupid of you. But it's not like I'm complaining—I'm _glad_ you make a break for it; now I get the pleasure of actually _watching_ all the life drain from your eyes. It was fate that I happened to be the one to bump into you in the hallway," he paused to chuckled lowly.

I'd taken hold of the knife and as quietly as I could, I flicked it open. At the still audible flick, he quickly turned his head to look at me—I repositioned right before he became aware; purposely struggling up against the rail to make the previous noise appear to make sense.

"I know, I know—I'm impatient too. That's the beauty of it though; you should know that better than anyone since you're a fucking whore. I know I'm on a time crunch, but if I cum too quickly it takes all the fun out of it." He smiled and turned back around.

I maneuvered the knife in my hand and aimed the sharp side to the tape that bound me to the metal bedframe. If I could at least get a good cut into the tape…

"I found something interesting that I'm sure you'd like to see," he continued.

The knife sank down into the tape, and I knew that I successfully was able to cut into it. I continued shifting the knife, my heart pounding harder each second that passed. I heard him move, and I quickly stopped and hid the knife congruent with my arm before I focused on him.

He turned and held up a small, dull piece of intricately cut metal with a plastic tag dangling from it; the Holy Grail hidden from me for years—my ticket to freedom.

"This is what you came here for isn't it?" he grinned as he swung the key by the tag to and fro like a pendulum.

Looking at the small key swaying in the air brought back the Akinoyo from five years ago; the frail, naïve, broken child that yearned for escape from the horrible life bestowed upon her. The child that hoped it was possible—the child that had her wings ripped from her spine.

He swung the key up and caught it in his palm as he chuckled and took another step toward me with that saw in his other hand.

"That look on your face—did I hit the nail on the head?" he questioned mockingly. "Its those eyes gleaming with hope that really turn me on; you have hope surging through you at the sight of this, but guess what? Your hope is in vain—you're not going to escape. I'm going to watch that hope fade from your eyes as you die—that's your fate."

He knelt down to eye level, and crept closer to me. I started to hyperventilate; it was now or—

"The only sad part about this is that I don't have enough time enjoy your pussy; I don't think you compare to that other whore you'd tried to save though—Nankai was it? It was no surprise to see why she was requested so often—she was the best pussy I'd ever had. How I would've loved to torture her more,"

As soon as he'd said Miyuki's name, my hyperventilating stopped. Not only did they beat, and kill Miyuki—they raped her?

The pent up rage from that day set fire inside me like gasoline; my hatred for this ingrate spiked to a whole new level, and I let that anger and hate control me.

I push-kicked my right leg at his stomach in one swift, fluid motion. He stumbled back from the kick, and while he slid back, I used every bit of strength I had to rip myself from the bed frame. I was able to rip the duct-tape painfully, and barrel-rolled to the right to get onto my feet and out of the way.

He came at me, and I dodged the lunge he took at me with the saw. I held out my switchblade in front of me defensively, and he scowled at the visual.

"Just like old fucking times…a fucking whore like you _would_ keep that tucked away…" he spat.

I glared into him, ready to combat any move he made. I wasn't the same girl from that day—I'd learned how to fight, I was prepared for anything a lowly human could ever dream to dish out. _I wouldn't lose to him again._

He charged at me.

He dodged the slash I attempted, and punched me in the face. I stumbled back, seeing colors and hearing the heartbeat from my pulsing flesh affected from the punch. He pushed me down, and as I landed on my back and he hunched over me to attempt a grab, I kicked those disgusting balls of his as hard as I could. The hand saw—still on and waiting for sweet flesh to sink its teeth into—fell from his hand onto the floor as he grabbed his sack in pain; sparking and screeching as it rattled and jumped around the concrete.

From my backside, I flipped over to my side and swiped out his legs with my own. He thumped onto the ground on his side, and immediately set his prior pain aside to get back up.

But I didn't let him.

With the knife still in my hand, I pushed myself up and lunged over him in a single motion; the tip of the knife pointed down, and gravity guiding my fall into him.

I stabbed into his left thigh, and after howling in pain, he grabbed me by my hair and yanked me off him. I flew back a few feet, and he grabbed the knife lodged in his thigh and yanked it out like ripping off a bandage. I looked around the floor to search for anything in the immediate vicinity that would aid me. My eyes focused on the—now jagged—hand saw that still sparked around the concrete not too far off.

Right as I started to push myself back up to make a break for it, he kicked my torso and I slid and scraped several feet back from the force; bashing against the table his instruments of torture rested on. I coughed out of reflex into the tape that covered my mouth, and became completely light headed due to the lack of oxygen required to counteract the blow.

He limped over to me quickly, and fell forward toward me from the torn muscle restricting full movement from his left leg. He took hold of me while I struggled against him, and pushed me down to the ground as he mounted himself on top of me while he held my taped my wrists above my head.

"You fucking cunt! You're going to pay for this!" he shouted at me.

I thrust my hips up against him as hard as I could, and got enough leeway to push myself somewhat out from under him while he smacked against the table beside us. Something clanked down to the floor from the table and not far from my reach—it was my only option.

I thrust my hips against him again, and got him off me by retracting my leg up and pushing against my heel on the ground to topple him over. I kicked off him to reach for the knife he toyed with earlier on the floor. I army-crawled to it as fast as I could, and right when I almost had it…

"You fucking bitch!"

He stabbed me with my own switchblade.

The blade pierced into my back to the right side of my spine near my kidney—if not in it—and I stopped moving entirely as the pain shot through me.

My world slowed as the male behind me dragged himself away from me and toward the other side of the table. My labored breathing slowly became less of a chore, and my pounding heart slowed to a smooth rhythm in my chest.

This was it.

This was the end I predicted.

The hope I'd allowed to trickle through the cracked door was all for nothing. It was meaningless— _I was meaningless._ Nothing mattered anymore. Urahara, Kurosaki…Hitsugaya; they all wasted their strength on someone meaningless.

" _Kiteyama—you don't deserve this,"_ The memory of Hitsugaya's concern played back in my head.

The way he looked at me…and held my shoulders…he…

He was wrong. I _did_ deserve this.

Miyuki's facial expression as she died.

I didn't…I didn't save her…

" _Akinoyo-chan,"_

Miyuki's bright, smiling face and outstretched arms in the darkness came to life in my mind. Everything stopped, and I visualized the brunette that meant everything.

" _ **You're the world to me,"**_

My eyes shot open.

I meant everything to her.

She was gone but, she wanted me live; she wanted me to survive. But I couldn't do this…I was all alone. I wasn't significant, I wasn't worth anyone's time; I was just a lost cause—

" _ **You're not, Kiteyama; don't give up hope on yourself!"**_

I couldn't fight those vivid eyes…to him—to him I _wasn't._

I looked up at the knife inches away from my hands. I crawled to it, and took hold of it between my fingers and then slid it into my palms.

I listened, and heard the sound of paper-sealed bandages tearing open—he wasn't focused on me.

I pushed myself up like a mummy out of its tomb; violently, and screaming. I flung myself at him, and stabbed at any place I could. The first stab was into his shoulder; the second one into his chest; the third one made him fall down on his back as I grazed his face and sank the knife into his breast.

I became completely immersed in the deed.

I repeatedly stabbed the man anywhere and everywhere. I thought about every single thing he'd done to her, and what he'd done to me, and let all my rage consume my very being. I wanted him to endure just as much pain and suffering as I had for the past five years; I wanted him to feel the pain he caused me all those years ago. I wanted payback, I wanted to bestow suffering, and ultimately what I wanted was… _revenge._

I stabbed through his throat, then took the knife out and slit it across his throat. His blood splattered all over me, but it didn't matter; I stabbed his heart robotically until his movement seized altogether. I stabbed his lungs, stabbed his stomach, stabbed his dick, stabbed his eyes, stabbed his—

"Kiteyama!" The door slammed open.

I didn't look up; I continued to mindlessly toil away at mutilating the man in front of me. I could hear hurried footsteps coming toward me, but they didn't matter. The only thing that computed was the motion of pushing the knife down and bringing it back up. I was losing myself in the satisfaction of finally extracting my revenge; it was all I wanted to do, and it was all I _needed_ to do. I was content being an empty shell—it got me what I'd been needing for years. All I had to do was keep at it; emotions didn't matter— _sanity didn't matter_. I was beyond caring about myself, I was beyond help, I was—

A hand seized my own as the knife pushed down the hilt into his stomach. I tried to pull up like a piece of machinery trying to operate, but the firm, yet gentle hand on top of both of mine prevented me from doing so.

I let go of the knife, retracting my hands and holding my palms up to see the familiar red color that now stained them. As my vision became clouded with different colors from my own blood loss, I slowly looked up to the person kind enough to stop my possessed rampage.

Those eyes of his…the eyes that I… _that I…_

My vision blurred with tears.

He peeled the tape off my mouth, and I gasped and choked as I sobbed from the pent up pain of all these years; of what just happened. He pulled me to him, and I buried my face against that heartbeat I needed to feel. I cried so violently that I couldn't breathe. I slumped into him, all the adrenaline within me gone, and the blood loss causing me to lose control of myself. His hand lowered to my back, and it was then he noticed the switch blade sticking out of me. I slumped down even further, my grip on him loosening.

"Stay with me, Kiteyama!" He urged.

I began hyperventilating and coughing up metallic tasting fluids. I closed my eyes, fatigue enveloping me.

"P-Please d-don't..."

"…leave me, _H-Hitsugaya,"_


	9. Chapter 9

I squatted down to provide my full, undivided admiration for the flower before me. The pearl colored flower emitted a golden aura that only amplified the radiance of it; my eyes became so entranced that they couldn't look away. The longer I continued to look at it, the more I wanted that flower for my own. I wanted to pluck it so I could admire it everywhere I went; revel in the fact that it belonged to me and no one else could have it.

The thought made me shiver from the excitement such a seemingly miniscule lifeform brought me. It felt as if I were wandering, and through my travels stumbled upon something magnificent that no one else knew about—a treasure meant for my possession only.

I tried to hide my grin as I slowly reached for the stem. This was the moment before obtaining my victory; the moment before this magical life form was mine and mine forever. My heart thumped with excitement as I extended my fingers to touch the beautiful stem.

My hovering hand was halted by another right before contact.

No. It was mine. They couldn't have it…

I traced the hand back to its owner, and gazed into the serious, aquamarine eyes he possessed.

"Don't." he said.

'Don't?' I was here first; I discovered this hidden gem amongst the weeds— _it was mine._ He couldn't have it. He couldn't tell me what to do. I—

"Look." He interrupted my aggressive, greed tainted thoughts.

I turned my head back to the flower and gasped as soon as my eyes fixed on it. The beautiful flower my hand still hovered near completely changed. Its petals had changed into a deep red with black veins pulsating throughout. The vine was now a withered brown with sharp, curved thorns begging to sink into flesh. The aura it now emitted was a soft black that seemed to reach out to caress my own hand.

I quickly pulled my hand back, fright now replacing the entranced, yearning state I was in. It looked repulsive now, and I was so confused by what had happened to the pristine flower that I didn't know what to say.

I wanted that flower back. I wanted to relish that unadulterated beauty once so close to being mine. He set his hand around my shoulder lightly, and I turned to look at him. His eyes were soft and filled with complete understanding—the concerned gaze making me just want to melt into him and forget I'd ever thought about it. He outstretched his other hand for me to take; a small smile on his face in an effort to assist one of my own to form.

Could I really trust this man? He seemed so comforting…but he just… _I just..._

-x-x-

My eyes fluttered open to that same ceiling as before. I was at Urahara's again.

I sat up, the pain of the stab I received still there, but nothing compared to the sickly screaming of my mind. Everything that happened was _not_ okay. I was _not_ okay. I…I _stabbed_ and _killed_ him. I was a murderer—I was no better than he was. The more my thoughts raced, the more I realized I couldn't be there. I was breaking. I didn't want anyone to see that.

I got up quietly, ignoring the grunts threatening to escape me as I pulled the sheets over the futon, put on my shoes and grabbed my purse. I slipped out of the room through the window since I didn't want to risk the chance of running into anyone. Once I was outside, I snuck around the house so as not to cause alarm, and right as I was about to leave the property, a black cat stopped me dead in my tracks.

The cat stared into me; those yellow eyes it possessed unusually focused for a feral cat. The gaze felt like that cat was trying to tell me something, but I didn't care about anything anymore. All my mind wanted was one thing, and one thing only.

I walked by the cat without another passing glance, and took out the cigarette I couldn't do any longer without. It wasn't until I brought the cigarette to my mouth that I realized the tracker bracelet was gone. I took a puff as I felt my now naked wrist with complete disbelief.

They actually did it—they actually _freed_ me.

I didn't know I was actually crying until the tears rolled under my jaw and trickled down my neck. How many lives did it cost for my miniscule one to be salvaged? I wiped my face on my sleeve and shook my head as I continued forward.

After a few more minutes, I finally reached an acceptable destination—a bar with a smoking section. I'd come across a convenience store and they directed me to the only bar open at 15:45 and I took it without any hesitation.

I sat down at one of the shaded outside tables that hugged the walls, and lit up another mentally-numbing stick wrapped in white paper. I took huge drags; the lack of oxygen to my brain making me waver with a light headed high that I needed to stay forever. The pitcher of beer I ordered came, and I drank it straight from the pitcher like the classy bitch I am—the quicker I got the carbonated liquid down the better.

-x-x-

I didn't know how much time had past anymore. I'd chugged two and a half pitchers with only one restroom visit in the shortest time span ever—the concept of it contributing to my alcoholism not fazing me in the least. I'd done something terrible. I wanted to lose myself; I didn't care how I got there as long as I got there. I wanted to get drunk and mentally check out of this situation long ago, but now with what I did, the urge became a necessity.

I murdered another human being.

While he deserved it, the thoughts that raced through my mind as I did it, and how I kept mutilating the body afterward was something that I just couldn't handle. I imagined all the words he'd ever said to me, and clung to them the more I stabbed through him. I understood why he took such pleasure in harming another human being as I myself was doing so to him.

Something about taking his life, and the way I mentally released myself for the action scared me shitless—I wasn't ashamed for it. Everything that went down was something that had to be done for my survival, but the way I felt when I executed my actions was something of another level.

_It felt good taking his life._

After everything that he did to Miyuki, and moreover to me, he _deserved_ what he got. I became completely enamored by the fact that I was avenging Miyuki along with my prior self. It was thanks to the day Miyuki died, and the day spent on that wooden table that I am who I am today—an angry, anxiety-filled, atrocity that views herself as an inferior maggot. While I squirmed my way out of the organization's facility, my own mentality was completely sealed thanks to him.

_I am nothing. I am worthless. I am a mere object ready to be used._

Miyuki tried so hard to make me feel like I was worth something—like I was human. And I learned the hard way that she was wrong. All I was to them—and all I was to me—was a meat-sack taking up space.

But with what just happened, the part of me that still hurt and throbbed from those days came back to life for a vengeance. It completely took over all rational thoughts and wanted to do one thing and one thing only—make him pay ten times over. Death wasn't enough for him. If I'd been left alone with him longer, there isn't a doubt in my mind that I would've put that screaming saw on the floor to use. Remembering the thoughts I had of only slaughtering and mutilating him sent chills up my spine. Those thoughts of mine warrant me for abandonment. I didn't deserve to live. The horrible thoughts that raced through my mind made me no better than him. I was just as bad, and deserved the just reward I'd given him.

I was a _Shinigami_ ; while dealing with death and the dead was supposedly right up my alley, I wasn't supposed to take a human life like that. I was supposed to help humans by ridding them of the Hollows that dwelled among them, but I didn't do that. _I killed a regular human being._ I wasn't doing my job, I was extracting my sweet revenge to satisfy a sick fantasy I didn't know I possessed.

What was going to happen to me now? Was I going to be abandoned by the Seireitei for my actions? Was getting this tracker bracelet off even worth it anymore?

My thoughts strayed to Hitsugaya.

What must he think of me now? The damsel in distress he tried so hard to protect was just another worthless cretin. Was I his enemy now that I'd killed someone? Would I be sent straight to 'Shinigami jail' now because of what I did? I felt horrible about myself, but even more disgusted when it came to Hitsugaya's viewpoint of me. In honesty, I shouldn't give two fucks about what he thinks of me, but I just…

I opened up to him too much.

I wanted his acceptance, his care, and more than anything just his presence. I wanted to just wedge myself into him and never let go. I wanted to heal, I wanted to just be a normal person without wobbling on the edge of insanity and depression. Those eyes that gained him access into my own soul is where I wanted him to venture.

He wasn't Miyuki, but he… _he made me want to live again_.

I took my purse and wobbled out of the patio area. I didn't know where I was going, but I didn't want to stay there any longer. I was getting an anxiety attack the longer I sat there; I wanted the cool air to smack me in the face, and to get away from the noise surrounding the bar.

The sun was starting to set now, and the land was now tinged in a mild orange as far as my eyes could see. I stumbled to a stop against a light pole to catch my breath; walking around while hammered wasn't my strong suit, and I almost always got tired and wanted to just sit. I took a moment to collect myself, the loud belch coming out in a low, feminine-restricting growl for once.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself, and I when I opened them, a man with brown hair was directly in front of me. Awareness of my surroundings was my second flaw during my intoxicated stupors.

"Hey, how's it goin'?" the male asked with a 'smooth' tone.

What a pick up line.

"Just _swell_ ," I slurred out sarcastically. I pushed myself off the light pole and turned my back on the guy.

"Hey, where's an attractive woman like you off to?"

"Clearly away from you—take a hint, swine."

"What'd you call me?" the man shouted as he caught up behind me.

I stopped and turned back around to look at the man. "You're just a thirsty swine trying to get laid. Your facial expression told me that within the first five seconds of your arrival. Had you have met me a week ago I would've obliged for some cold hard cash, but you didn't—you missed your chance. Go find some other whore to stick your dick in and leave me alone."

I didn't care what my foul mouth brought me anymore. If he wanted to hurt me then fine—have at it. After what I did, I actually _earned_ mistreatment now, it wasn't just my pessimism settling for demise as my ultimate out.

He grabbed my shoulder in an angry vice grip, and I didn't even react. "Who do you—"

His hand was plucked off my shoulder immediately; his own grunt sounding as it happened.

"Is there a problem?"

I cowered at the voice. What was _he_ doing here?

"None that's any of your fucking business," the man growled back at him.

"Tough luck; she _is_ my business. Now if there isn't anything else you need, I'd suggest you be on your way." He told the man.

The man yanked his arm back, the gesture of him sticking his hands in his coat pockets sounding as he grunted and walked away. There was silence between the two of us, and my cowardice got the better of me—I didn't look up at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

I didn't respond.

He took a step closer to me, to which I shuddered and turned around while drunkenly swaying.

"Kite—"

"W-Why are _you_ here, Hitsugaya?" I stuttered out with a hiccup for added emphasis of my drunken state.

"I'm here because I was worried, Kiteyama."

I choked out a laugh. "Worried? Right; that's what this is—worry. A likely story."

"It's the truth—"

"The truth? Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Hitsugaya. You're not here because you're _worried._ You're here because it's your fucking job. You're not here because you care about me; you're here to make sure I'm not off doing it again—"

"Doing _what_ again?" he countered.

"D-Don't play fucking stupid with me Hitsugaya! Or is that how you think of me now? Not worthy of even an explanation—what's the point to a mindless animal, right?"

"Kiteyama, you aren't making sense."

"I'm making _perfect fucking sense!_ " I turned and shouted at him.

I didn't know what I was doing. Maybe it was the pent up anger about the whole situation coming out now that the initial panicked-anxiety step was over. Hitsugaya didn't deserve it, but I couldn't stop the emotional word vomit from coming up.

"Don't fuck around with me, Hitsugaya—we both know why _you're_ here. You're a Taichou aren't you? You wouldn't just let a fucking murderer like me just waltz out of here—you're like a fucking cop; the peace-keeper that makes sure the undesirables stay in check. The one that makes sure no criminal is left without apprehension—right? That's what you do isn't it?"

He didn't seemed shocked by my outburst, but he was giving me his full undivided attention. Right when I looked at him—albeit beaming with frustration and anger—my heart beat in my chest fiercely at the invisible form of contact. I was emotionally spiking beyond my usual control, yet his presence alone sent cool, calming waves in an effort to settle the outburst.

"Kiteyama, that isn't wh—"

" _Isn't what you're here for?_ Don't be so fucking vain! Stop treating me like I'm a fucking unintelligent piece of shit! You don't think I know what's going to happen to me? You're going to take me to the Seireitei, they're going to judge me for killing a human, and then I'm gonna be locked away _again_ for eternity; right? You're not worried about me—you're worried about your own ass if you don't bring me in! I know y—"

"Kiteyama, _stop._ " Hitsugaya took hold of both my shoulders.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to run until my legs couldn't take me anymore, but most of all what I wanted…

I looked down.

The tears that had escaped during my rant of infuriation dripped down onto the sidewalk. I watched as the light grey concrete became tainted with them and turned into a dark grey as the liquid soaked into it; too ashamed by the harsh words I'd said that I couldn't look up at him.

"W-What must you think of me now? A-Am I j-j-just as evil as they are to you?" I whimpered.

I felt like I was melting from the intensity of the moment; the alcohol within me clouding my surroundings with nothing but emotional pheromones that caused intensive sorrow and personal heartache.

His hands slid down my shoulders to my biceps in a slow, soft movement. I thought he'd take his hands away, but he kept them there, as if he was trying to draw me in.

"Kiteyama, will you walk with me?" he asked softly.

I lifted my hand to wipe away a few of the tears, and without looking up I slowly nodded for my answer.

"Here, come on,"

He let go of my shoulders, and stepped beside me before placing his right hand on the small of my back to nudge me forward gently. I complied and stumbled forward with him as I tried to suck up my tears.

Why did his opinion mean so much to me? I hated this— _hated_ how I was becoming so attached to someone yet again. _I was such a fucking leech._

We didn't walk too far; I had to stop a few times since it wasn't my strong suit, but nevertheless, we walked to the nearby riverbed. It seeped down into the land; grassy hills leading downward to it on either side with a few sets of concrete stairs here and there. With walking already difficult enough as it was, the stairs he led me to didn't help at all. I stumbled forward on the first step, and he luckily caught me before I tumbled down the rest of them.

"Here,"

He held his arm out for me to grab a hold of, and with the blush it caused to spread across my drunken face, I took hold of it rather than trying to prove myself as I normally would. I was still too drunk to be coordinated; if I tried to prove myself and not ask for any help, I'd only roll down these stairs and into the river with broken bones.

The touch had me nervous, but he didn't seem fazed at all; he was collected, calm, and cool as he always was. I kind of wanted some type of reaction from him, but then again, what was someone like me to expect?

We made it to the bottom of the staircase without casualty, and he led me to a nearby bench along the sidewalk that paralleled the river. He sat down next to me in a forward lean with his elbows resting above his knees; looking forward at the glistening river before us. I sat up against the backrest with my legs over one another and tucked under the seat. As I stared into my hands, the image of them bloodied and trembling from the other night flashed in and out each time I blinked. Water was on the rise again with the memory, but I just couldn't look away from them.

"Kiteyama,"

I gulped as my fingers twitched from anxiety; this was the part where he tells me that I'm right. My periphery caught him sitting up and turning to look at me; I continued to gaze into my hands rather than look into him as he sealed my fate.

"I'm sorry."

As the apologetic phrase processed, confusion swept through me as a result.

"What you went through was traumatizing; the others and myself were supposed to keep you safe, yet with the turn of events you slipped out of our grasp."

He rested a hand on my lap; an effort to show me just how serious he was about this. As I looked up at him, those uncontrollable tears that have plagued me all day escaped down my cheeks. I looked away from him in embarrassment; wiping away the saline droplets improper for a full grown woman to be shedding.

"Kiteyama," he began again; the way he said my name adding to the yearning within me to just bury myself into him. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You went through something horrendous due to my negligence, and you're wounded in more ways than one because of it."

 _Him_ —sorry? But he shouldn't be— _I_ was the one who should be sorry. I should be the one that—

The light pressure from his fingertips on my lower thigh stopped all trains of thought ready to whizz through my mind. I looked up at him again, and let those piercing eyes right into me with open arms.

"I won't let them hurt you ever again, Kiteyama, I promise you," he told me.

The promise he made had my heart bounding; it was like he knew just what to say to make me drop my guard. He knew just how to loosen my hold on that steel door within me so he could be one step closer to creeping inside of me, and as much as I knew better than to let him, at this point it was all I wanted. In an effort to combat the feeling, I pumped out some of the pent up pessimism I've harbored all day to push that door back.

"Y-You don't have to promise me anything; I don't deserve it." I sniffled. "I killed a human; that warrants for you to stop caring about what happens to me. I broke a major law, Hitsugaya; I'm not stupid enough to assume there isn't going to be any consequence for my actions. You probably view me as an even more disgusting vermin than I was before—stop wasting your apologies and comfort on someone who doesn't deserve it,"

"I've told you before; _you're wrong,_ Kiteyama—you _do_ deserve it." He quickly responded. I looked back into him as he continued. "While you're correct about purposely killing humans being against the law, that's not what happened. I saw the state you were in; you were in a situation where your life was at stake. There isn't anything wrong with what you did; you did what you had to do to survive. I didn't come here to arrest you as you keep implying; I came here because I was worried about you. It doesn't have anything to do with my job or yours, and I'm not expecting any form of payment either; I'm here because you left, and I wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt. I failed to protect you once—I don't want to do it again. You're not 'vermin,' Kiteyama, and you _never_ have been to me. You're an innocent soul that's been thrown into an unfortunate situation; that doesn't make you any less of a person."

I couldn't take it anymore.

I buried my face in my hands and just wept. I was so wound up by this entire mess of a situation that the dam finally broke and I couldn't keep myself together anymore. My entire body trembled as I tried to suck in air; my mind too far gone to care about how weak I looked.

"T-Thank you; _I'm so s-sorry,_ " I stuttered out through my choked sobs.

His hand left my lap, and he gently pulled me toward him.

"It's over now, Kiteyama; it's okay," he cooed.

I gripped the front of his shirt and pulled myself into him as if my life depended on it. He rested one of his hands on my back, and just let me have him. Whether or not this was his form of penitence didn't matter to me; all that mattered was that this was what I couldn't do another minute without— _he_ was what I couldn't do another minute without.

What I'd said was true—I didn't want him to leave me. What was happening right now was what I've needed ever since Miyuki died; that comfort only another person I trusted could bestow—the type of physical comfort that I couldn't get anywhere else.

It was then that I began to feel something more than reliance for Hitsugaya; something that I couldn't put my finger on that left me in a light euphoric state. I was so attached to Miyuki, and I wanted her more than anything in the world, but it was such a different feeling with Hitsugaya.

I remembered the dream I woke up from earlier. Did he…mean more to me than I thought he did?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Readers!
> 
> You've successfully made it to Chapter 10! I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for your wonderful comments, and above all else for reading this Fic in general! All the Views and Commentary keep me motivated and pushing forward, so I had to at least take some time to send my thanks.
> 
> If you have any type of questions about the Fic or notice any grammatical errors, please feel free to let me know so that future chapters can be a more pleasurable read for you.
> 
> Thanks again for reading, and I hope you all have a wonderful day! :)
> 
> -Vi

"Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." I replied.

Urahara took his cane and flipped it upside down to view the bottom. He took off what seemed like a plastic cap, and then flipped the cane again to its usual position.

My eyes flickered to Hitsugaya—who was standing beside me with his attention also directed toward the striped hatted individual. He seemed slightly on edge, but if I let myself become influenced by that then this whole extraction could turn into even more or an ordeal.

"Okay Kiteyama-san; hold still." Urahara grinned.

I clenched my fists and nodded determinedly at the man. He rose his cane to my forehead, and pushed the skull painted bottom into me. I scrunched my eyes shut and held my breath in anticipation for this separation.

It felt like a dream. It happened in mere seconds, but it felt as if time stood completely still. It was as if I were running and suddenly jumped off a cliff; my heart racing as the empty feeling of falling engulfed me. Something held me as a voice called out to me.

" _Finally—you've returned."_

"Who…who said that?"

As soon as I said those words, it was as if someone stabbed through my skull with a screwdriver. Saying that I had a splitting headache was the biggest fucking understatement of the century.

I lurched out of whoever's grasp to my knees on the floor; holding my head as I clenched my teeth and weakly stifled my own grunting and screaming.

My eyes snapped open; the high-pitched ringing fading and Hitsugaya's worried calls trickling in. I blinked, looking around like it was the first time I'd seen the light of day. My eyes remained open but my vision blurred as all the colors in the room meshed into one.

" _Come; take my sorrow, and let the pain I've endured for these past years begin to consume you,"_

-x-x-

**-One Hour Earlier-**

"At that point Hitsugaya came in, and then I shortly after passed out for the obvious reason." I motioned to the orange field covering my backside.

Hitsugaya, Urahara, Orihime, Kurosaki, and Tessai all sat spaced around me as I retold my part of what happened. Several hours had past, and it was finally time for everyone to be up to speed about the situation—primarily me more than anyone.

Hitsugaya had let me cry myself out of my earlier emotionally drunken state. The sun had gone down, and the two of us just sat there on that bench until I was able to pull myself together at least a little bit. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully be over what happened, and I don't think that I'll be able to cope with it by myself at night for at least a few months, but the memory of Hitsugaya holding me...at the very least that will be able to get me through the daylight hours.

Speaking of which—I couldn't look him in the eye now. I was so embarrassed by my emotional breakdown that I couldn't bring myself to look at him at all. He stood up against the wall to my right—a good amount of space in between us—and I avoided him like the plague. Call it childish, but my pride that I'd built up over the years has almost completely been demolished to the last few bricks within the timespan of eight days. Granted I was out cold for a few of them, but that didn't change anything. How was I supposed to face him now?

"Okaa-san's gonna make it all better, Nee-chan!" Kazui—who was currently sitting on my lap _by the way_ —clapped before grinning up at me.

I looked down at the gaki trying my utmost not to scowl at his presence when Urahara squatted down in front of us to interrupt the stare down. He presented the gaki a blue and green swirled-lollipop, and Kazui grinned ecstatically before thanking him and shoving the entire thing in his mouth.

"Things on our end were on the grim side as well," he began. "Once Kurosaki-san and myself cleared the Hollows in the room all three of us were in, the only thing that remained in that room were the corpses of the handlers they mauled." He frowned. My mouth formed a hard line at the news as well, but before I could say anything he continued.

"When we noticed you were gone, Kurosaki-san and I started looking for you, and ended up bumping into Hitsugaya-Taichou. The three of us decided to split up for the search, and whoever found you first would raise their reiatsu to signal the others. While we were searching, I stumbled across a hidden room not too far off from where we were. Normally, it'd be a little much to have a hidden room inside of a place _already_ hidden away underground, but in this situation it made perfect sense." He got up and walked back toward the table in the center of the room, and sat down to take a sip of his tea.

He put down the tea cup and stared into the steaming cup as he continued. "This was where our knowledgeable friend has one of his laboratories."

For some reason, I'd always banked on the thought that the person who actually kidnapped me from the Soul Society wasn't in the same vicinity as I was. I was moreover under the assumption that since I was able to live in my own apartment that maybe he didn't know what was going on with me. If he'd wanted me that bad for whatever reason, wouldn't he have completely confined me rather than let me have the miniscule freedom?

"I went inside to check it out, but by that time, Hitsugaya-Taichou signaled he found you, and I knew that I didn't have very long. I did however manage to grab a few documents hanging from the walls that caught my interest." Urahara looked up at Tessai, and the apron-wearing muscle man walked over to me with a manila folder in his hand.

I scooted Kazui slightly out of the way, and opened the folder next to me on the floor. The same picture of myself that Urahara and Hitsugaya showed me previously stared right back at me as soon as I'd opened it; I shuffled past it and through the pages to see that they were all pictures of different women. Each picture aside from my own had a small, red 'x' at the bottom in the middle…could that mean—

"Recognize any of them?" Urahara asked.

I took another look at them; taking in each woman's features before flipping to the next. Nothing in my memory banks raised a red flag on anything of them, but I felt as if it should've.

"No, I don't recognize any of them other than myself, but then again, I never really paid attention to the other women." I answered.

"I see; that's unfortunate." He paused to take another sip before continuing. "If you'll take a closer look, you'll see that all of these woman have one thing in common when these photos were taken—their clothes. You haven't been around them too much yet yourself, but the collar at the base of their necks are all identical; all of them are Shinigami regulation shihakushou uniforms. Once you've graduated the academy and you're assigned to a Squad within the Gotei 13, you are given a rank based on your initial performance, and a mandatory photo I.D. is taken to be stored permanently with your record. The document with your information that you saw the other day is the front page of your record."

"I see," I stared into the brown eyes of one of the women as I processed his statement. "At least we know it wasn't just me _specifically_ our adversary was and/or _is_ after. Have you looked into any of the records of these women? Have these been sent over to the Seireitei?" I asked.

"They have, and are currently being researched as we speak," Urahara answered. "One can only hope that these others are still alive." He moreover said to himself.

I took a moment to process what they'd just told me. If what Hitsugaya said was true about no Arrancar activity, then that must mean...

"I think I was the last one," I mumbled.

"Beg your pardon, Kiteyama-san?"

"I think I'm the last one that was taken." I repeated. "Hitsugaya said that there hadn't been any Arrancar activity since my abduction five years ago; that leads me to believe that I was the last one within the Soul Society that they took hostage. Unless these women were all miraculously here in the World of the Living over the past five years, it would make more sense that he collected them prior to myself—doesn't it?" I explained. Thinking about that fact made me feel sorry for the other women; these past five years were horrendous enough—longer than that? Just shoot me.

"You make a good point, Kiteyama-san," Orihime piped up as she crept toward me to inspect my wound.

I had to take off my corset so that she could have better access to the wound. It made perfect sense and was unavoidable, but it left me extremely uncomfortable and nerve-wracked that the area it was meant to cover might be partially exposed. I was still wearing a shirt and was covered, but still.

The cat I once thought was feral leapt down to the floor from its perch on the windowsill; strutting its way over to me slickly and rubbing itself against me. I think it was able to sense my extreme discomfort about the corset situation, along with the _entire_ situation. I pet the cat as it nuzzled its face into my palm, and watched as Kazui repetitively pet it from the neck down in a speedy motion—the cat seemed unfazed.

"You're probably right; I haven't sensed any type of abnormal reiatsu around here since just recently," Kurosaki added in.

"Although that's true, I'm starting to think that it isn't an Arrancar we're still dealing with here," Hitsugaya chimed in.

I intensely focused on the cat the minute he spoke—the cat stared back into me with the same intensity.

"What are you implying?" Urahara questioned.

"While reiatsu scans alerted us of the recent Arrancar activity here in the World of the Living—along with this current situation validating the reading—I don't think it's the only element we're dealing with any longer. Whether it's a Shinigami, Quincy, or what have you, there has to be someone else helping pull the strings; this is far beyond the capacity of what one person alone can accomplish. The day Kiteyama was taken, they had to have known just how many members along with their ranks would be dispatched; if there was a Taichou sent, it would've been over. There had to be some type of intel." He explained.

"Another valid point," Urahara smirked.

"No matter what this person is, it doesn't change the fact that we've got to figure out a way to find him and these other women he's taken," Kurosaki added.

"How do you know they're even still alive?" I questioned. "What if the red 'x' on their pictures mean they're deceased? I can't think of any other reason why there'd be an 'x' on them."

"I can think of a few, but there isn't any way to know for certain until we delve further into this situation." Urahara shrugged.

"So what's the plan?" I asked.

"Right now, it's for you to finish healing, and then for the two of us to return to the Seireitei. The Soutaichou needs to be fully informed, and then we'll reassess the situation based on his command." Hitsugaya answered. "Regardless of your freedom from the tracker bracelet, it still isn't safe here—the sooner we can get going the better."

"Gotcha." I answered.

The room grew quiet, and the cat next to me sat down and looked around the room. Kazui was leaned back into me as he sucked his lollipop, and I stared off into space in thought.

The way things were going, I had a feeling Hitsugaya wasn't that far off with his perception of it. If this entity was able to pull off abducting Shinigami and building an illegal organization in the World of the Living, we weren't dealing with an amateur. I can see the reasoning of becoming prosperous in one of the worlds as a good incentive, but if that were the case, why kidnap Shinigami? What was the reasoning behind utilizing female Shinigami at all?

I felt a pair of eyes on me, and looked down to see Kazui staring up at me with drool and a huge grin on his face. I took a deep breath and settled for a small smirk before poking the gaki in the stomach.

"Your wound is just about sealed now, Kiteyama-san," Orihime smiled as her fairy-like creatures reverted back into their hairpin form. Kazui giggled and thrashed around from my poking while his mother spoke, and I took the opportunity to get him off me and set him to the side of me.

"Fancy that," I smirked; touching the previously wounded area with my fingertips. "Tessai, where did you say you left my stuff?" I asked.

"Right in the other room," he pointed.

"Thanks; I think now's a good time for a cigarette break. I'm assuming I'm going to officially ditch the gigai now that I've healed—right?"

"That's right—I can't wait to see your reaction," Urahara grinned.

"Yeah, same." I replied.

I made my way back toward the room, taking extra precaution to _not_ make eye contact with Hitsugaya. Once I retrieved my cigarettes and made my way outside, I sat on the porch and stared up into the night sky decorated with faint stars here and there.

I hated to admit that I was scared. While getting out of this terrible situation was an improvement in my overall life, I didn't know just what to expect from the Soul Society. How would they view me? What would they want to do about the situation? Where would I end up? Would they assign someone other than Hitsugaya to this task? The questions racing back and forth through my mind made my head start to hurt.

"You shouldn't be so nervous," a male voice told me.

I jerked from the surprise, and my head snapped to the source of the noise. The black cat had crept next to me without my noticing; sitting and staring up into the night sky as I was two seconds ago. I narrowed my eyes at _him_ , triple checking that I wasn't just imagining things when the cat himself proved it.

"Yes, I can talk—you aren't going crazy." He responded to my gaze drilling a hole into the side of his face.

My initial surprised expression quickly turned to a sarcastic smirking one as I took a drag.

"You know, with all this I wouldn't be surprised if I _was_ crazy—like, psych-ward crazy. Shit, that'd be the day," I chortle-scoffed.

"Well, let's hope for your sake we get this situation handled before that happens," the cat broke eye contact to follow the smoke I blew out into the air.

"Yeah, _let's hope._ " I took a deep breath. "I'm sure you already know my name, but for the sake of proper _etiquette,_ I'm Kiteyama Akinoyo—nice to meet you."

"Shihouin Yoruichi; a pleasure,"

"Ditto." I turned back forward to look up at the night sky. "So; are you here for some fresh air, or was there another motive for you to join me?" I asked.

"Urahara was right—you're quite the straight forward one."

My smirk only intensified. "Well I wouldn't want to make him a liar now would I?" I flicked the fag end of the cigarette; Shihouin's eyes watching as the ash fluttered toward the ground.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't." If a cat could smirk, I'd bet money this one was. "You're correct however, I came to talk to you about that corset of yours." He continued.

I unintentionally stiffened, and he picked up on it even without the use of his heightened senses.

"I waited and followed you out here for _that_ very reason," he looked me over. "You're clearly uncomfortable without it on, and so it only makes sense that you wouldn't be comfortable discussing it in front of the rest of them."

"How do you know about that?" I asked lowly as I averted my gaze.

"I was the one that tended to you when Hitsugaya-Taichou brought you back with that stab wound." He replied.

"I see…" I took another drag; purposely taking my time in the completely invalid hope of the situation dissipating the longer I dragged out said drag. I exhaled it out, and flicked it again. "So—since you were there—who's seen it?"

"Just me; I made the others leave since I quickly put two and two together after the first three latches." He promptly answer.

I exhaled the breath I didn't know I was holding. "Thank you for that."

"No problem."

There was a brief silence, and so I continued the conversation. "So, I'm assuming you want to know about them?"

"I want to know if you received them before, or after your memory loss. This could be crucial as to why these people are after you. Answer me that, and—depending on your answer—I'll let the subject die." He continued.

"Unfortunately I gained this permanent work of art after my memory loss. It would've been a dream if it were before." I took another drag before putting it out under my shoe. "But, it is what it is."

"I see." He paused. "As promised, I'll let the subject drop here. It's unfortunate you have them at all; you have my sympathy."

"Eh, save it—I'm fine. Thanks though." I turned to grace the creature with a small half-smile.

He got up and stretched out; his skin rippling from his front paws back through his raised and pointed tail in a wave-like motion.

"You're welcome," he continued upon returning to his normal standing posture.

He looked up at me; those amber eyes reflecting the faint light emitting from the doors behind us to display an emotion I couldn't make out. Cats always had an undeniable mystery to their gaze; as if they saw something that mere humans wouldn't have the first clue at understanding. I averted my stare back to frontal face; I already had enough with Hitsugaya crossing the gateway into my soul—I didn't need yet _another_ person—or cat—doing it.

"They say that curiosity kills my kind," he said at my evasion. He turned around; that tail of his lightly grazing my bare arm as he walked away from me. "But they also say that the satisfaction always brings us back."

I turned around to see him creep inside through the cracked door as he finished his statement. I looked down at my hands; my own breath visible as I exhaled quietly at my confusion. Just what was he trying to imply?

-x-x-

**-Present-**

There was a sound. A sound low, yet constant; similar to the consistency of a ticking clock during the night. A dripping noise that made my ears pulsate in unison with it; growing louder and louder as the thumping in my ears irritated more and more. Finally I opened my eyes.

Rippling turquoise was the floor my eyes adjusted to; a faint light illuminating a small circumference around me. My eyes fluttered in an attempt to banish the heaviness, and as my hand rose to aid them, a voice froze me in place.

"So you're awake,"

Her voice sounded surreal; the deeper pitch implying a sense of elegance and etiquette while her carefully pronounced words reflected cunning and craft. She sounded so strong; fearful of nothing—and I envied that cleverly portrayed façade she engraved into me in two seconds flat.

I put my risen hand on the ground beneath me; the water rippling and engulfing my hand in the motion. Somehow my hand met a hard surface—glass maybe? It didn't make sense, and I couldn't see anything aside from the turquoise fading into a dark, murky brown beneath me.

"Rise; take in that which you've destroyed."

I pushed myself up—I couldn't see anything. Aside from the faint light surrounding me, there was nothing except darkness around me. As my head and eyes shifted back and forth, the repetitive dripping became more prominent. I was so confused about what was happening that I didn't know what to do. My head hurt, and all I wanted to do was sleep. But that woman—was she lingering in this darkness?

"Where are you?"

Silence.

"Where am _I_?" She finally responded.

"Yeah, that's what I asked." I reaffirmed.

She chuckled. Two low, almost sinister sounding chuckles.

"You've rotted more than I anticipated."

'Rotted?'

I sat upright now; looking straight down into that brown murkiness beneath me as the stillness reflecting my face stared back at me.

"What would you know about rotting? You have no right to tell me anything about myself. You don't know who I am; your assumption is based on a guess alone. Quit trying to play mind games and come out into the light!"

I watched as my playful, yet devious face changed into a furrow-browed seriousness. I waited; listening for any movement in concentration. The dripping stopped, and the light began to fade.

"I'm here; as I've _always_ been."

A shadow engulfed me before the light could completely fade. My head snapped back up toward it.

"Open your eyes!" She shouted.

Nothing.

-x-x-

"Kiteyama,"

The feeling of my eyes still moving rampantly under my closed eyelids made me cringe, and the sound of my name made the movement stop.

"Are you awake?"

My breathing felt choked; I stopped entirely in an effort to reset myself into normal breathing. When I finally felt like it was back in the usual rhythm, I opened my eyes to a dimly lit room. I looked to my left to see Hitsugaya sitting propped up against the wall next to me. I was laying on a futon evidently, but something within me felt really off. I was just sleeping yet my body felt weighted and panged with ache.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

I blushed in the realization that I'd been staring at him for several seconds without saying a word. "Kind of," I replied as I promptly looked away from him.

I sat completely upright now, and I proceeded to hunch over with my right arm resting on my raised right leg. I tried cracking my neck to little avail, and settled back again in my leaned position.

"What happened?"

"My head started hurting really bad—the worst head rush I'd ever had in my entire life. Before I could even process I passed out." I explained.

"I see. Separation normally doesn't hurt at all; I'm wondering if it has something to do with the gigai you were in." he crossed his arms.

"Wait a minute,"

I rose my hands and inspected them to find nothing amiss with them, however as I inspected the rest of myself, I found that I now was clothed in a black shihakushou similar Hitsugaya's except without the white haori. As I inspected my torso, I noticed certain parts were slashed and stained in red. It immediately reminded me of that infernal wooden table, and I had look away before letting myself slip into another breakdown in front of Hitsugaya. At my unintentional gulp, Hitsugaya turned his body to face mine.

"Yes, it worked; you are now back in your true form." He beat me to the question. "I'll see to it that you get a new shihakushou when we get to the Seireitei—don't worry."

"Yeah...thanks," I trailed.

"Here,"

I turned to face him at his call, and watched him reach down beside me to grab hold of the katana I hadn't noticed laying beside me. He held it up to me, and I held my inquisitive stare at the item.

"This is your Zanpakutou—do you remember what it is?"

I took hold of it; the weight a bit lighter than I expected, but I still held it firmly with both hands as if it were a weighty item regardless. "Yeah; it's the weapon Shinigami wield that is a part of their own soul, correct?"

"Correct."

I studied the hilt and sheath as much as I could with the given light. The sheath was all black—that was apparent—and the hilt seemed like it was a dark green color. I couldn't make out what kind of metal the hilt was made out of, but it was diamond shaped with some type of pattern I couldn't make out throughout the flat surface. As my fingers traced over the outline of it, the more I felt small divots and scratches along it—most likely from past opponents.

Having remembered myself, I set the weapon in my lap and turned back to him. "Thanks for the recap; I'm sure I'll have questions later."

"Just let me know."

"Got it."

He stood up, and I took it that I ought to follow suit. I put my Zanpakutou aside, and quickly pulled the cover over the futon before folding it up and placing it in the corner. Once I was finished, I took back my Zanpakutou and stared at it. People wore these things…right? How was it that I was supposed put it on? Hitsugaya and Kurosaki wore theirs on their backs, yet Urahara didn't wear his at all. How did I wear it before? I didn't notice Hitsugaya had moved to exit the room and was waiting on me, and at the lack of attentiveness I stood there trying out different places to position it without actually trying to fix it properly. After slight frustration over how all the positions felt odd, I settled by just holding it down by my side—I'd have to figure it out later.

I looked up to see the snowy-haired male staring with slight amusement at my action, and I could've sworn I heard him chuckle.

"What?" I shot defensively.

"Here, give it to me," he re-approached and held out his hand. I gave it to him with a semi-muffled humph, and he stepped behind me with it. "There's this thing you could do more often that might make your life a bit easier; it's called 'asking for help;' you should try it,"

"Sounds far too out of character for me."

"Which is exactly why you should," He took hold of part of the obi around my backside, and I shivered at the touch. Due to the unexpected touch, I stiffened as he loosened it rather than responding with my usual crude comeback.

"You're unfamiliar with swordsmanship; even if I hadn't seen you emerge with your zanpakutou positioned this way, I would've been able to tell after a brief inspection." His hands helped guide the weapon through the layers of obi, and as he weaved it through, his hands made sure the other parts of the fabric stayed fastened. The movement of his fingers made those fucking insects inside me crawl out from the depths of Hell; only bringing the heat with them to so it could display obnoxiously on my face.

"Y-Yeah, well there's this thing the kids use these days called 'the internet;' I could've easily figured it out that way on my own, thank you very much."

Kami that fucking stutter of mine…this was too fucking ridiculous.

"You won't find something like that in the Seireitei unless you get on Kurotsuchi's good-side—which chances are slim to none." He finished positioning it, and stepped back around in front of me to look me over. "Re-tie your obi; make sure that's tight enough so that it doesn't fall out."

I looked down at it, and met yet again with the blood and torn fabric over the front of the outfit. I stared into the horizontal bloodied slits as I took hold of both ends of the obi. It only took mere seconds for my mind to begin slipping into anxious thoughts.

I could do this. It…it was just old flesh wounds. I'd seen them everyday. I was fine. I could get over it. I just need to take a deep breath is all. I've dealt with blood before. I wasn't on that table anymore. I wasn't in that room. He wasn't alive anymore. I wasn't…

I had no idea I was trembling.

Hitsugaya took both my hands off my obi, and gently placed them at my sides. "Look up at me, Kiteyama," he said softly.

I complied, and looked up into his firm, yet softened features so close to me. He focused down on my obi rather than my face, and began to untie it as he spoke.

"Its okay now, remember? I told you; I don't plan on letting anyone hurt you while I'm still here."

He finished the knot, and pulled it just tight enough so that it would hold perfectly, yet not restrain me from moving. I said nothing; just kept staring into him to soothe my slightly-panicking mind. As soon as he finished however, I stepped back and focused down at the floor instead; thinking about how much I wished I could rely on his words. I shouldn't have done it, but I let my thoughts drift out of me.

"How long does that imply? Until we get back to the Seireitei and they send me off to become someone else's problem? I appreciate your kind words, but don't worry about it—I understand."

I can't say it hadn't been on my mind this whole time either. Hitsugaya found me _coincidentally_ , which meant that once he delivered me it didn't necessarily have to be his problem. Shit, maybe there was some Squad in charge of investigations only that would handle it. He didn't say that's what _his Squad_ specialized in. He'd made it seem like he wasn't going to leave me, but I couldn't believe him. _Everyone leaves_. If I were to let myself believe he wouldn't, I'd only be hurting myself.

His hand set on my shoulder, and I sidestepped out of the most wanted touch immediately. I couldn't do this; no matter how much I wanted to, I'd only lose someone again. I didn't want to go through that loss again— _I couldn't._

His hand hovered momentarily; taking in my body language and assessing how to proceed.

"You don't have to be afraid of me,"

My uncomfortable sway that resulted from him hitting the nail on the head made me even more embarrassed. Kami I was so hopeless…

"I meant what I said, Kiteyama; regardless whether I'm off the assignment or not, a promise is a promise. I know what you're walking into, and I'm sure you're scared. I'm here to tell you that you're going to be okay—I'll be there with you, on _your_ side."

Oh Kami I could feel the water works in motion. Resist. Must. Resist.

I looked away as I stifled biting my lip; and he took a step closer with me realizing.

"I know you overthink things, so if this is about earlier, and you feel as though you've been a bother to me—you're completely wrong. I don't want you to be afraid of me; I want you to be able to trust that my words are honest," he held his hand out mid-level in front of me, and I stared into the lines of his exposed palm as he continued.

"Whatever you need; I'm here for you—you just have to let me in,"

I looked up at him, my watery eyes threatening to brake protocol as soon as I'd met his softened gaze. A faint trace of a smile formed on his lips, and with a small chuckle he continued.

"Come on; I thought we were going to work on that pessimism of yours?"

My lips mirrored his as I shook my head—no matter how far away I wanted to distance myself, he _always_ somehow managed to reel me back to him in mere seconds. I knew I could trust him with my life, but could I really trust him on an emotional level?

I blinked several times and cleared my throat; taking a few deep breaths to make myself mentally shake off the plague. Maybe…just this once..I could…

I set my hand in his, and he gently curled his fingers over my hand.

"Ready?"

I looked back up at him. "Y-Yeah…I'm ready," I curled my fingers over his hand; an act of defiance against my own pride.

I blinked a few more times, and let myself squeeze out a small smirk. "I never agreed to working on the pessimism though,"


	11. Chapter 11

"Here,"

Hitsugaya took my obi thinking that I was ready for it when I most certainly was not. He began loosening the knot as I looked away blushing and clenching the yukata his Fukutaichou had given me to sleep in. I stared at the window he'd cloaked with the sheer white curtain trying to keep it together. I knew he wasn't going to do anything more than that since I'd already known he was the Prince Charming type, but that didn't stop me from _wanting_ him to keep undressing me further.

Just saying that was weird in itself. Sex had been the thing I'd had to do for half a decade, but there hasn't been a single time where it was something that I even _wanted_ to do. It was all fake, and devoid of any type of pleasurable feeling for me. But for some reason any type of touch from Hitsugaya _specifically_ had me quivering something fierce; I just didn't understand why.

He took off the obi entirely, and folded it so it was easier to hold before stepping back—I put my hand over my stomach to make sure the fabric wouldn't reveal anything.

"There," he said upon completion. "I'll let you change and be back with some clean sheets for you."

I wanted to tell him otherwise, but favored my better judgement. "Thanks," I forced myself to say.

He turned and left the room, and I began to change into the borrowed sleeping attire. It was a simple white yukata with burgundy silhouetted flowers decorated throughout it; a thick burgundy haori to match and provided as well to chase off the winter's cold. His Fukutaichou must've had a huge rack; the front of the attire on my slightly-above-average chest looked ridiculous. I fixed it to the point where it didn't look _too_ revealing—a difficult feat mind you—then tied the obi loosely yet snug enough to provide the support needed for concealment before putting the soft haori on. It had been snowing here earlier in the day according to his Fukutaichou, and so the night was cold to match.

Now that I changed, I reached into my old outfit to take out the one thing I was allowed to bring to the Seireitei. Urahara had given it to me as a token, but Hitsugaya really only allowed it since it was possible evidence. I looked at the small dull key in silence; internally baffled at the fact that one little key controlled so much. I looked at the tag attached to it, reading my name before flipping it over to view the foreign language written on it. I hadn't the slightest clue what language it was, but I couldn't help but feel like it was written for a reason. Then again, with all the other confusing oddities; I wouldn't be surprised if it was something completely meaningless. I set it down on the dresser, and looked up at myself in the dresser mirror.

My hair was held together by a wooden comb in that style I'd only wore when I was by myself. The picture on my record showed a different hair accessory, but this one was literally 10 times better. The comb itself was unique, and I immediately thanked Kami that my prior self had the same sense of style that I currently had. I took out the comb to properly inspect it; seeing that it was moreover a hair fork rather than a comb due to the fact that it only had two prongs. It was a dark wood; a rectangular frame for the top visible design with two slender pieces of the wood running horizontally in an evened space through the empty vertical rectangle. It was edgy yet regal at the same time, and I absolutely loved it.

He knocked on the door, so I quit fiddling with my hair and went to open it for him since I figured his hands might've been full. He nodded thanks as he walked past me and to the mattress against the wall in the middle of the room.

"The sheets on the bed are already clean, but I haven't had anyone actually use this bed before so they might be a bit dusty. Aside from that, the sheets are meant for summer weather rather than winter. If I'd have known ahead of time, I would've arranged for better accommodations," He set the sheets on the desk facing the window, and began to peel the bed of its sheets as he talked. I went to the other side of the bed and helped with the covers.

"You don't have to apologize—it's fine. I can do this so that you can relax; I know that the past week must have you tired." I offered.

"It isn't any trouble; it would be rather rude of me not to assist."

"Well aren't you a formal host," I teased as I took the blanket from him to fold it. "Whatever would I have done if you hadn't been willing to help me with this miniscule task."

He took the new sheet and whipped it open before letting it float down over the mattress. "Stayed up later doing it yourself," he answered the obvious in his own form of sarcasm.

"True, but it doesn't really matter since I'm probably not going to be able to sleep anyway." I admitted.

With everything that's happened this past week, I haven't gotten any good sleep that I've actually gained anything from. It's either been a half-asleep paranoid-rest, or a knocked out-cold and practically in a coma situation. Don't get me wrong, I was _exhausted_ , but given the situation, sleep didn't seem like it was going to happen.

He lifted the mattress to tuck in the new sheet before smoothing out the top of it. "You never know until you try,"

I let out a short chuckle. "There's that optimism of yours,"

"Here to battle that heavy pessimism of yours when the opportunity arises," he countered.

Once the sheets and pillow cases were finished, I sat down at the edge and looked up at him as he set the old sheets on the desk. "Tomorrow morning we'll meet with the Soutaichou and Abarai-Taichou to come up with a plan to handle this entire situation. Abarai-Taichou is the current Taichou of Squad 13, and will most likely take you back into her squad when everything is settled. She needs to be aware of the situation before we can continue to move forward. With any luck, hopefully we can get you back on track at a normal life rather than dealing with this situation longer than necessary—you're going to have to be patient with us for a short while."

"Don't worry about that; the fact that you guys are helping me is enough—the fact that _you_ have helped me this much is enough. I'll do whatever you guys want—you know I don't like to owe things to anyone." My hand covered my mouth to yawn after I finished speaking, and I gently rubbed the corner of my eye to rid myself of the tear the yawn produced.

"You don't owe me—or anyone for that matter—anything; we've been over this."

"Yeah well tough luck. Trust me, one day when you have something you _really_ don't want to do, you're gonna need someone to cover for ya. And when that day comes, this poor schmuck will be there—count on it." I pointed at myself with a quick wink and a playful half-smile.

"Whatever you say," he pushed himself off the desk he leaned against, and took the old shihakushou before he made his way to the door. "I'll wake you up when your new shihakushou arrives in the morning. If you need anything, or can't sleep; let me know."

"You got it." I leaned back and propped myself on my elbows. "Goodnight, Romeo," I saluted.

He stopped mid-step at the door, and turned back to look at me. "You keep calling me that, but what exactly does it mean?"

I laughed aloud. "You're serious? Shakespeare? The story of Romeo and Juliet? _Really?_ "

" _Really_." He leaned against the doorframe, waiting for me to continue.

"Fine, fine; I'll tell you. So _Romeo and Juliet_ was a play written ages ago by some guy named Shakespeare, and it's still referenced in today's day and age. Basically, two families hated each other with a passion, but the two children from each of the head families had a thing for each other. So basically, Romeo would sneak out to see her at night and was all obsessive and romantic about it, and so they decided to elope in secrecy one night. They get hitched, but before they runaway, Romeo leaves to go do something, and in the meantime Juliet is put in a position where she has to fake her own death before he gets back—or something along those lines. So, she gets some lovely serum from the local apothecary that makes herself appear completely dead, and so the town has a funeral for her because they actually believe it. So, some trusted fellow wad supposed to tell Romeo what happened and to not freak out, but failed in delivering the message. Romeo sees her, indeed freaks out, and ends up killing himself because he 'can't bear to live a life without her,'" I air-quoted. "So then, once he dies, Juliet wakes up from her self-induced coma situation and sees her man's dead. In a quite typical overdramatic fashion, she also freaks out and kills herself because she also 'can't bear to be without him.' I probably missed some important chunks of information, but all in all, it's a pretty ridiculous story. Even so, everyone and their mother thinks the story is the most romantic thing in existence." I paused to take a breath.

"Typically, people refer to it when something romantic happens; labor of love and giving up everything for someone you love, and all that fairytale bullshit. Personally, I don't agree with the story one bit. No one cares about each other so much that they can't do without them; also, killing yourself because you can't take it? Please; I'm gonna need you to get over it and move on with your life—thanks." I scoffed.

Hitsugaya chuckled— _actually chuckled_ —and I looked up at him with an unwanted blush on my face. "What?" I shot at him.

"They way you told me that story completely mirrored your straight-forward personality; no sugar-coating, just blunt honesty with sarcasm intricately weaved throughout." He had a small smile on his lips, making a proud smirk emerge on my own amidst my blush as he continued. "So then, you believe that it's impossible to care about someone so much to where you couldn't live without them?"

"Yup; that's right."

"Hmm, and giving up everything for someone else is out of the question as well?"

Thoughts of Miyuki popped into my head without my consent. Remembering how I felt toward her, how I felt when she died...because I couldn't—

"Love is for the weak; I don't have time to let such an easily persuasive emotion dominate my actions." I crossed my arms.

While I currently struggled against the said emotion, and was close to just delving right into it and letting it consume every last bit of me—it didn't make my statement any less true. What good did letting love in ever do for me? It sure as Hell didn't save Miyuki; fuck, she tried to _leave me_ in the end. The stupid emotion made me throw no caution to the wind to go save her—even through her betrayal—only to get sliced up like a fucking lab experiment later. And guess what else? Even this very day I still choose to not let her betrayal dim my overall perspective of her. I _still_ choose to let the warm feelings outweigh the bad. And for what? Look at me now—a twisted, border-line mentally insane female. Thanks but no thanks; I didn't need that any more of that.

"I see," he broke my train of thought. "So you're referring to me as Romeo because all this is considered romantic to you?"

Well fuck. When it's put _that way—_ shit. Leave it to this bozo to cause the emotion I was trying to push away to come back and smother me.

"Well when I first met you, I thought all you were trying to do was 'woo' me; you gotta remember I haven't had a male ever treat me like anything other than trash. I thought you were trying to pull the whole: 'let's run away together—I'll save you,' card. You've been kind to me, so I associated it under the romance category. I didn't know about any of this Shinigami business—do you blame me?" I shrugged.

"I suppose it could've come off that way—my apologies."

"It's more of my dry humor that makes me say it more than anything else—no need to be sorry." I waved it off. "However, I can't promise that I'm going to cease calling you that—the fact that you didn't know only makes it funnier."

"Hmm, if you say so," he stood back upright, and turned to the door; I stared at his back in confusion.

I thought I was pretty convincing—wasn't I? Where was the rebuttal? He moved so abruptly—did he take offense over something so miniscule?

He took the shouji handle and looked at me as he shut it. "Goodnight, Kiteyama, _"_

"N-Night!" I tried to sound out smoothly; only embarrassing myself further.

I waited until I didn't hear his footsteps anymore before I let out a sigh at my own awkward behavior. What was that all about? Was he mad at me or something? Did I say something wrong? Great. One more thing to keep me up for the rest of the night.

"And the award for the biggest walking contradicting asshole goes to…"

-x-x-

This place was quite the site to see, _let me tell you_. It was so much different than the modern world I was used to, but that didn't make it bad or anything; I just would have to adapt to the old-fashioned way they all lived. I hadn't seen very much of the Seireitei since we went straight to Hitsugaya's residence when we walked out of the sci-fi shouji door portal thing last night. His home was as I thought it'd be; old-fashioned and simplistic, yet comfortable enough for easy living. Just based on his living room and spare room I stayed in, my prediction that Hitsugaya was the cleanly, uncluttered type was correct. It was nice above all, and I actually envied his home more than I did my own apartment back in the World of the Living. I kept up my old apartment, but I hardly had any belongings to set a particular style to it. Since my home was used by the organization for other purposes, it made no sense to make it homey and comfortable. I'd settled on the basic necessities and that was it; it didn't matter what color or style things were, as long as the efficiency was met.

It was hard for me to leave last night honestly; Hitsugaya said I couldn't bring any of my belongings—which included my corset and cigarettes by the way—and I am so on edge now that it hurts. I had to tough it out last night in front of him and play it cool, but now that the night had gone by I was too close to losing it. But it wasn't like I could tell him that; we had to go straight to the 'Taichou's Chamber' or whatever the fuck and I'd have to wait to get any form of tobacco to steel myself. Please Kami, I need a solid; _please let them have cigarettes._ I don't care if I have to smoke it like fucking Gandalf—nicotine enriched tobacco is all I ask for.

Upon exiting the residential part of the barracks, I was reminded that Hitsugaya happened to be a Taichou. The lower-rankers all welcomed us and politely bowed as we passed; some asking if they could be of any assistance to which Hitsugaya declined. I'd tossed sarcasm back and forth at him so often that I'd forgotten about rank, and considered him somewhat equal. But Hell, although all these lower-rankers practically worshipped the ground he walked on, I was still going to treat him the same way regardless if it was inappropriate or not.

We walked down the street and walked by lots of buildings that ranged in sizes but all similarly built. Each of them had the same kanji symbol for the number 10 painted on them at least once, and I figured that the rest of the Seireitei must have similar buildings if they had to be marked like this. I took in the scenery like a tourist as Hitsugaya kept a good pace in front of me; he had to slow down a few times since I'd stray from time to time—walking around with a zanpakutou on my back felt weird and caused me to stumble often. I'm sure that with a day or two I'll be used to walking around with it, but at the moment I felt like I needed a yellow sign above me warning that a 'wide-load' was coming through. I accidently chortled aloud from my own internal childish thoughts, making Hitsugaya turn to cock a brow at me.

"What's so funny?" he prompted.

"Nothing; I just thought of something obnoxious." I stifled myself.

As he was about to make his unconvinced reply, a woman with strawberry-blonde hair caught us both off guard.

"Taichou!" She called as she approached.

"Matsumoto," he responded.

She caught her breath for a moment before continuing. "Sorry, I didn't know you were going to come back last night; I would've stayed longer but I promised I'd help out over at Squad 11. You could've picked a better time than late at night to come back," she paused to huff—Hitsugaya looked unconvinced. "I'm glad the two of you arrived safely," she looked over at me. "You're Kiteyama Akinoyo, right? I'm Matsumoto Rangiku, but feel free to just call me Rangiku; nice to meet you! I hope the yukata fit all right?" She outstretched a hand.

I took it and shook with a nod. "Nice to meet ya; feel free to call me either of the names. Yes, it fit fine; thanks for letting me borrow it." I graced the woman with a small smile.

She smiled back as we let go, and nodded with her reply. "It's a pleasure! I hope my Taichou hasn't been too much trouble," she elbowed him with a giggle before covering his view of her mouth with her hand, "he can be a bit of a stick in the mud!" she whispered.

I couldn't help the smirk or the snicker; she seemed like the joking-type, which was way better than her being completely fake as her appearance's stereotype would normally imply.

"Matsumoto," He growled.

"Nah; he hasn't been _too_ much trouble… _yet_. I'll let you know as soon as he is though," I winked at her.

"Sounds good!" she grinned while Hitsugaya shook his head. "If ya ever need anything other than that, don't hesitate to let me know!" she winked back.

"Ditto."

She turned, and we all continued forward in unison. As Hitsugaya filled her in on the situation, I took in the features of the woman he deemed worthy enough of being his Fukutaichou. She was a little taller than I was, and with proper curves that matched the height. Her rack was literally the hugest one I'd seen _by far,_ and it seemed to suit her in general whether they were real or not. Her glistening orange-tinged hair was layered and almost shoulder length; flowing in soft waves that looked like fairly easy maintenance—I couldn't say I wasn't jealous; my own hair was a pain in the ass most of the time. She wore a pink shawl over her shoulders that looked like it looped comfortably through her outfit, and the obi she wore was different from Hitsugaya and I's; it was thicker and tied in a fashionable front bow around almost her entire torso. All in all this woman was a 10/10 on my scales, and I wondered just what she was really like underneath that beauty of hers.

We arrived at our destination building, and proceeded inside and through the corridors until we reached a particular room.

"This is my office," Hitsugaya announced.

I entered before him and Rangiku since he held the door open for me, and I looked around to take in the simplistic décor as the two of them followed in after me.

"After I get a few things straightened here, we'll head over to the meeting." Hitsugaya explained.

"Got it, got it. Take your time; it isn't like I have any other appointments." I sat on the couch. "However, the one thing I _am_ concerned about getting done today _however,_ is getting some tobacco. I am literally dying more than I'm already apparently dead. Do either of you know of a place where I can buy some? I obviously don't have any money right now, but if I don't die a second death with this whole ordeal, then I promise to pay back double when I start making money." I offered with a shrug.

Hitsugaya looked over at Rangiku who settled next to me on the couch in a comfortable sprawled formation. "I know where to buy some; if you can hold off until a little later this morning I can get you some." She offered.

I turned my whole body to her and leaned forward with unnecessary _yet necessary_ eye contact. "I'll be eternally in your debt." I pursed my lips—she laughed.

"You're too funny! Don't worry about it; just pay me later." She winked—I nodded enthusiastically. "I'll get you some basic necessities while I'm at it; is there anything else you need specifically?"

Well, since she was offering.

"Just a few things actually—if you wouldn't mind. Let me write it down for you just so that it's easier for you. Hitsugaya, do you have a pen and paper I could use?" I got up and walked toward him.

"Sure," He took out the paper and pen for me from his top drawer, and I went back to the small table by the couch to write it all down so he wouldn't see me.

Rangiku began shooting questions at me as I scribbled away, and in the meantime I could hear Hitsugaya fumbling some paperwork on his desk. I heard him open a drawer before hearing his chair subtly creak as he leaned back into it.

"What's the deal with all this paperwork, Matsumoto?" he interrupted before I could even answer her.

I quickly folded the paper and gave it to Rangiku as she answered. "I was able to get some of the paperwork done, but it's been a hard few weeks without you Taichou; a lot of it appeared out of nowhere and I couldn't just do it all on my own."

She sounded out her sentences in a whine, and so I looked to Hitsugaya to see if he would have the reaction I pictured. Yup. He didn't believe her one bit—I wondered just how he acted with her on a daily basis.

"Really?"

" _Really._ " She affirmed.

"So tell me—how much have you been drinking since I've been gone?"

Damn. This is getting interesting.

Rangiku sat back up and turned to face him with a forced appalled expression that made me have to hold back a laugh.

"That's so mean, Taichou! I've been really good lately! I haven't had a single drop during work hours since before you left!"

"Not a single drop?" Hitsugaya reached down into what I assumed was an open drawer. "Then where did this come from?" He set a huge ceramic jug of what I assumed was liquor onto his desk.

Damn, shots fired. Where the Hell was my popcorn?

" _That's_ where I left it? Geez, no wonder I couldn't find it!"

"Matsumoto,"

She stiffened at the way he said her name and I couldn't hold back the chuckle dwelling in my throat any longer.

"Well, I've got some things to tend to; our Akinoyo-chan needs provisions you know? I'll be back after your meeting! Have fun you two!" The woman vanished so quick you'd think something was on fire.

Trying to hold back my laughter any longer was useless; I gave in entirely while Hitsugaya sighed loudly. I'd only known her for a few minutes, but already she seemed like she'd be a laugh to be around. She's a drinker too—what luck. The thought of possible drinks later sounded amazing.

Once I collected myself, I approached his desk to inspect the jug that caused the outburst. "So, I take it this is a usual occurrence?" I smirked as I picked it up.

"Unfortunately." He stood up and looked at me.

"Well, she seems like she'd be fun to have around; I'm sure that even though paperwork clearly isn't her strong-suit, she must deliver with everything else she does." I set the heavier-than-I-expected jug back down on the desk.

"For everything that doesn't involve basic office and day-to-day work, yes—I couldn't ask for a better Fukutaichou. But I'm not going to lie and say that her alcoholism doesn't annoy me."

I chuckled. " _No way;_ I couldn't tell _at all._ " I smirked.

Ignoring my comment; he refrained from an eye roll as he made his way over to the front door. I followed suit, and exited down the hallway with him.

-x-x-

"Well, that certainly poses a problem," the eye-patched Soutaichou assessed.

The five of us stood there quietly as the three I'd just met processed all the information. They all seemed nice enough, but something about the room we were in made me feel really uncomfortable. They weren't scolding me or anything, yet I felt like I was in detention or something with the given atmosphere. All four of them seemed like they'd been to Hell and back, and seen some pretty intense shit in their day. It was because of that aura I felt completely out of place.

I felt like Hitsugaya—even though he was one of them—could sense how uncomfortable I was under my forced façade; I felt like he was trying to treat the situation as delicately as possible in front of me. Then again though, what the Hell was the point? I'd seen some shit myself; at this point did it really matter if I were treated delicately?

"I want to think about this before we jump in to make a move. If those other women he abducted are still alive and in that underground base, we're going to have to proceed cautiously. I also want the results from the Bureau of Research and Development as well to see if there's anything they've uncovered. For now, I'll have the Stealth Force monitor the base and report back to me with any movement." The Soutaichou looked at me, and cracked a small smile as he handed his Fukutaichou the key from my bracelet; I stifled the flinch I wanted to give as he continued. "For now, Kiteyama-san is to be safe-guarded and is off-duty until further notice. Kiteyama-san, please utilize this time to better familiarize yourself with how the Seireitei operates; I wouldn't want you to be thrown back in without understanding anything that's going on."

The way he said it seemed almost warm—this guy was really the leader of everyone?

"I'll look into your files with Abarai-Taichou for any and all information; we more than likely froze your assets on the chance of your return. For the time being, go ahead and use Squad 10's funding to cover her expenses, Hitsugaya-Taichou." Ise-Fukutaichou paused and looked back to me. "We more than likely gathered all of your belongings as well and kept them in Squad 13's storage; perhaps amongst your belongings there might be something to help jog your memory."

"Kiteyama-san, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to speak to Hitsugaya-Taichou for a moment—would you mind waiting outside the door?" The Soutaichou asked.

What did he want to ask Hitsugaya that I couldn't be present for? Did he not believe what we told him? I'd been silent almost the entire time aside from aiding Hitsugaya in the initial explanation—maybe the calm façade I tried to pull off caused him to become unconvinced somehow?

"Sure, no problem. Thanks for all the help and patience; if there's a way I can repay you all, please let me know," I bowed formally.

"You needn't worry about that Kiteyama-san; all of us just want to get a hold of this situation to make everything right again—no payment required." Abarai-Taichou smiled. She seemed nice, yet firm at the same time—maybe I might just get along with my future Taichou.

"Thank you for trusting in _us_ , Kiteyama-san; we'll make sure to get to the bottom of this, and to do our best for you." The Soutaichou smiled. In his smile, I caught the impression that not only was this guy powerful—he was a lady's man. I sucked back delving into that thought further.

I nodded before bowing again, then exited the room promptly. I shut the huge double doors behind me, and slithered a few steps down the wall so that it wouldn't look like I was eavesdropping.

As several minutes rolled by, question upon question raced in my head about what they were talking about; resulting in my anxiety bubbling up. They had to believe what was going on—there's photographic evidence that I used to be a Shinigami. Hell, I even came out of that gigai with battle-torn clothing and a zanpakutou. Wasn't that a signifier?

Maybe they weren't questioning whether the situation was real or not. Would it be possible…that they suspect me as the intel? I shook my head at the thought. They couldn't be thinking that…Hitsugaya would stick up for me if they did—right?

A sound broke me out of my anxious trance. I looked down both ends of the hallway and didn't see anyone. It sounded like someone's vocal chords in action; there couldn't be anything in this building that would be able to make a human-like sound unless there was more sci-fi creatures I didn't know about.

It started up again—humming? It was definitely humming—there's no way that it could be anything else. Which way was it coming from though? It wasn't like there was an upper level. I listened; quieting my own breathing to zero in on the sound—it was coming from my left.

I turned to look; waiting to see the person appear. Maybe it was boredom, but having anything distract me out of my panicked thought-process was probably for the best. I counted the seconds for the person to appear, and when I finally hit the 30 mark I'd just about had it. It wasn't like I'd be going far—it was just to the end of the hallway and back. They wouldn't even know I was gone. The humming became louder with each step I took—I was definitely going the right way. It sounded familiar, as if I'd heard the rhythm somewhere before.

"Kiteyama," Hitsugaya stopped me and in turn the humming with his call.

I'd made it halfway down the hallway and turned back around to face him. "Are we going this way, or that way?" I asked in hopes of completing my trek to the already ceased noise. Hell, just seeing the person would satisfy me.

He pointed behind him, and I scowled in defeat. I walked back over to him, and fell into his flank as we walked.

"What were you doing?" he asked.

"I heard a noise and wanted to go check it out. You guys were taking forever in there." I answered, throwing my hands up and resting them behind my head in the most unfeminine fashion.

"I see," he answered.

There was silence for a few paces, and I finally gave into my curiosity. "So, everything okay?"

"Yes." He answered. "Why do you ask?"

"It seemed like they wanted to talk to you about something serious; I hope it wasn't anything I did."

"What makes you think that?"

"I tend to think about everything within the realm of possibility, so maybe it could've been something I did. If it was; sorry I guess." I shrugged.

"It isn't anything like that, Kiteyama—you haven't done anything wrong. Don't be so hasty to jump to conclusions." He opened the door for me, and thr brisk air hit us as we emerged outside.

"Yeah, yeah, well it can't be helped. Deal with it." I looked up into the cloudy sky as Hitsugaya took his spot next to me. He should've known better—really. "Well, whatever it was, I hope whatever it is that couldn't be said in front of me is okay."

"Curiosity seems to have a good hold on you today, doesn't it?"

"And here I thought you couldn't tell." I shook my head.

"Hmm, to tell you, or to leave you guessing?"

"Don't tease me if you can't please me." I turned to scowl at him.

He smirked at my action he caught through his periphery. "They offered me the option of passing over my involvement in this case fully to Abarai-Taichou."

His statement mentally halted me. I put my arms back down and looked at him in seriousness as we walked.

"Taichou!"

My eyes flickered in front of us to see Rangiku in the distance; closing in on the two of us as she waved.

"I declined the offer."

I turned back to look at him; he looked right back at me.

"It makes more sense for me to safeguard you than anyone else; aside from that, a promise is a promise."

Rangiku was closing in. It was only a matter of seconds before she was in earshot. A blush rose on my face at his words; the soft gaze he had on me crumbling any and all resolve to resist the feelings beginning to surface.

"Isn't that right, _Juliet_?"


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you sure it isn't an issue that we're going to a bar at 15:00? I mean, I'm a bit of an alcoholic and that much can be expected of me, but I wouldn't want you get you in trouble."

"Nonsense, Akinoyo-chan! Trust me, we'll be fine!" Rangiku waved it off with an innocent smile.

A few days had passed by, and my initial uncomfortableness at this new atmosphere has started wearing off finally. I mean, literally dropping everything like that was difficult enough as it was, but now adopting a completely different way of life on top of that was just a lot. Luckily, things have been going at a slow pace rather than a frantic race like it was in the World of the Living. It was nice being able to calm down and relax for the past few days—anymore of running and I think I would've lost my mind.

Rangiku had offered me her spare room to stay in, and to not cause Hitsugaya any more trouble, I reluctantly took her on the offer. Hitsugaya had a reputation to keep here; I had a horrible reputation to begin with that I wouldn't want to drag him down. I mean, I could just imagine how people would react at him housing not only a female, but a whore at that. I wouldn't want to see his good reputation crumble because of me. He didn't beg for me to stay or anything; he gave me the option and left it at that. So from the second night onward, I've stayed with Rangiku.

She was actually pretty hilarious—a ditz from time to time, but ultimately one of the best distractions for me even without the Sake she provided each night. She hooked it up with the three main items I needed by the way; the corset was a bit different from what I was used to, but got the job done ultimately so it was all good. I missed my cigarette brand from the World of the Living, but this small kiseru and tobacco made due since I didn't have an alternative—thank Kami they'd advanced to matches. The only thing that sucked was having to ash it out and clean it all the time; I used it so damn much that it was annoying. Hitsugaya hinted that maybe it was about time I started kicking the habit, and I responded with my usual sarcasm and waved him off.

_Speaking of which._

Something was up with him ever since that meeting with the Soutaichou. Ever since he called me _Juliet_ as a matter of fact. He hasn't called me that again since the initial time, but something just felt off about him. We—er, _I_ morever—still joked around and whatnot, but it really seemed like there was something on his mind. He didn't seem like he cared that I'd moved into Rangiku's, but maybe I was wrong? I basically stayed with him throughout the day while he worked; helping with little tasks here and there. It wasn't like I'd stopped seeing him completely, it was just at night or whenever he had other things to attend to that I was with Rangiku. He couldn't be jealous…could he?

"After you, Akinoyo-chan," Rangiku smiled and stood next to the door she slid open.

I broke out of my trance and walked into the establishment; nodding my head at the man who greeted us.

"Ah, Rangiku-chan! Welcome back!" he greeted. "Right this way; your usual spot is open,"

"Thanks, Seji-kun!" she replied in the sweetest of voices.

Well damn. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who frequented the same places.

We took off our waraji—which _still_ took me forever even though it's been a few days—then proceeded to follow the man to Rangiku's 'usual' spot; passing by sectioned off open rooms bustling with men already a good level of drunk. I grinned at the thought of the well-needed drink being so close to mine. We reached the end of the hallway, and he ushered us into the last room. Thank Kami—10 points to Rangiku for her secluded room choice.

"What would you like today? The usual?" he asked her as we sat on the zaisu.

"Yes please!" Rangiku answered.

"And for you, Miss?"

"Do you have any beer?"

"Unfortunately we do not—my apologies,"

Damn. There went that. I'd have to make due again.

"Rangiku, you're getting sake right?" I asked the excited blonde.

"Yep!"

"I'll have what she's having please."

"Hai, hai; coming right up!" he bowed before leaving.

A few seconds past as we settled in, and once we did Rangiku prompted conversation. "So, how ya holding up, Akinoyo-chan?"

"Eh, I'm okay. Still somewhat recouping, but otherwise fine. It's thanks to you and Hitsugaya that I'm starting to feel better; thanks a lot." I leaned back; crossing my arms and taking a breath.

"That's good to hear, Akinoyo-chan; I know you've been through a lot. I'm happy that Taichou found you and helped you get out of there. It must've been horrible," she leaned forward with her elbows on the chabudai. "I can't wait until all this is behind us and you can truly relax—there's so much more to life that you need to experience. Granted, it can be tough from time to time in our line of work, but ultimately it's all worth it so that we can all live in peace." She smiled lightly.

I let a small smile form on my lips as I looked up at the ceiling. Rangiku hadn't really tried to talk about anything relevant to what was going on with me before. I think that maybe she didn't want to freak me out so settled on talking about lighter subjects instead. In a strange way, it was kind of sweet of her to not ask about it until now. I couldn't say she hadn't grown on me—which is honestly weird for me.

"Yeah, I've heard so many stories of what it's like—it'll be nice to actually have the opportunity now,"

"Excuse me,"

A woman with a tray came to our room, placing two sakazuki cups on the chabudai and pouring our first round for us in an elegant fashion.

"Enjoy," she bowed after she finished; taking her empty tray and leaving us.

I sat upright as Rangiku picked up her cup and leaned forward. "Here's to new beginnings!" she gleamed as she outstretched her cup toward me.

I took my cup, and clanked it against hers. "To new beginnings,"

-x-x-

About three sake bottles in, and I was happily hammered. Sake was so much more potent for me than beer it was ridiculous. The bottles were so much smaller than a regular glass of beer, and yet at just half of one I was already buzzin' along.

Rangiku had talked to me this whole time about all the different things to do here in the Soul Society, and I listened in; internally beginning to get excited at the fact that all these things were possible for me now. She offered to take me to a few places—including and onsen, by the way—once everything calmed down more, and I wasn't ashamed in saying that I was ecstatic to take her up on the future offers.

She made me feel human the more she talked; made me feel like I was worthy enough to be in her company for an extended period of time. I didn't see eye to eye on everything about her, but ultimately I was liking more and more of her as the days went by. She seemed like her care for me was genuine, and not for any ulterior motive. My pride in being a lone wolf was deteriorating more and more these days; I guess I could thank Hitsugaya for that ultimately. I hadn't opened up to anyone aside from Miyuki all those years ago; fear of hurt ultimately the motive to stay far away from any type of intricate human interaction.

I wasn't completely an open book however, and I intended to keep it that way until I was sure about the waters. I kept my personal feelings in check, but at the very least began letting little tidbits sneak in and out here and there. Against all of my pessimistic thoughts that everything would crash and burn, it felt nice to let someone be in my company for longer than an hour. I was ashamed, yet at the same time content at letting the two of them reach out to me. For once, something in my life felt _good_ ; I wanted to let myself be greedy for once, and these two only encouraged it.

"So, tell me," Rangiku slurred as she poured another cup from the fourth bottle. "How did you do it?"

I pushed my hair out of my hot-from-intoxication face to reach for my own cup. "Do what?" I took another sip.

She gulped hers down; her initial lady-like manners now at a drunken man's level as she held back a burp—if only I had half the elegance and wasn't an unclassy bitch to begin with.

"How did you do it with the Taichou?" She rephrased—I still didn't get it.

"Do _what_?" I repeated as my light-weighted hands set the cup back on the table with a heavy thud.

"What do you mean? You're going to sit here and tell me you haven't noticed?" She leaned over and narrowed her eyes.

"Rangiku, I don't know Hitsugaya as well as you do—how the Hell am I supposed to know what you're talking about?" I countered with my own glare at 20% intensity.

"Really? So you're telling me that you haven't noticed a change in behavior recently?" She took another swig.

"Not really; when did you notice the change?"

"Ever since the two of you got here," she leaned back and closed her eyes.

I stared blankly trying to think. Well, he _had_ been acting differently the past few days, but as far as when we got here was beyond me. I would've had to have known him longer to accurately answer.

"Well, I don't know how he acted before, so that's something I can't answer," I slurred out as I swirled the cold liquid in the porcelain cup. "I know the past few days have been weird, but I figured maybe that's how he always was?"

She rose back up like a bat out of Hell and practically slammed her palms against the chabudai. "These past few days more than ever!" she half-shouted.

All I could do with that reaction was stare at her wide-eyed and clenching my sake cup to make sure it didn't spill. _Freaking Kami._

"Well, Kami, what's so different about him? How did he act before?" I relaxed my tense cat-like reflex to a slightly looser posture. "You make it seem like he was an entirely different person," I sipped.

"That's the thing though; he's _starting_ to come off that way." She took another swig. "He's always been tense ever since I've met him; you would think a kid would be fun-loving and rambunctious, but not him—never."

" _Kid_? Just how long have you known him?"

"Too long honestly; I'd rather not say how many years—it'll just make me feel older than I already do." She whimpered. "But I've known him since before he became a Shinigami; I've seen him grow in so many ways, and I'm proud to serve as his Fukutaichou. The only thing that makes me sad however, is that he just never cuts loose. He's always so serious and work-orientated that it makes _me_ feel like the younger one. I mean, that's a good thing on my end, but not for him." She sighed as she poured more sake.

"And well, the past few years he's gotten even more tense; he's always had a cold personality to begin with, but he's gotten so distant that even I have trouble brightening up the place."

Hitsugaya? Really? I mean yeah, he was the cold type, but he didn't seem distant at all.

"Did something happen a few years back that you know of?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I have my speculations, but nothing that I can be certain on. Even I wouldn't feel right about judging off my feelings on this one."

"I see."

For this talkative, gossiping Queen to say something like that—especially with alcohol in her—must mean she really doesn't know. Or at least she respects him enough not to say anything. Now I couldn't stop wondering just what happened to him.

"But ever since you two came back," she interrupted my thoughts, "something's changed. I can only assume that maybe it's something you did that caused it." She smiled—my face flushed a darker shade of red than it already was.

"Me? I haven't done anything; if anything I've just been an extra burden for the guy." Dragging out the sip of my sake didn't work—she was right back on me.

"Are you _sure_ there isn't something you're not telling me, Akinoyo-chan?" She smirked.

"N-Nothing, I swear. I've just been my usual self in full asshole-effect; I haven't done anything to him that would've caused an abrupt change in attitude. Trust me, I know how to seduce people—I did it against my own consent for a living. I didn't do anything like that toward him; not even initially like I would with any other male that crossed my path."

The fact that I supposedly stirred up such a change in him just didn't make sense to me. All I've been to him this whole time was trouble more than anything else. When he wasn't in the middle of defending me from something, he was lugging me around with him, dealing with my sass at him, and worst of all dealing with my intense emotional bullshit that wasn't even his problem. Shit, I was more _annoying_ than anything else. The only thing that I could think of was that maybe I was an amusing distraction from whatever it was that's been plaguing him for all these years?

Rangiku smiled, and clanked her cup with my own. "You know, sometimes just being around someone can change things; that person doesn't have to do anything aside from breathing to change someone else's outlook. Cheers to being you," she downed the rest in her glass.

Just being me? What the Hell does that even mean?

"Cheers?" I slowly took a sip—she busted up in a giggle fit at my face.

"You're too cute, Akinoyo-chan! Taichou really lucked out!" she grinned.

Oh Kami, what was she implying?

I gulped down the rest of my drink, and wiped my mouth on my sleeve in the most uncoordinated movement imaginable. I already needed a smoke, but now more than ever with this conversation.

Right on cue, the waitress came back to check on us.

"I'm gonna go have a smoke—I'll be back," I hurried past the waitress.

"Oi! Don't take too long, I'm gonna get some food!"

"Got it!" I replied from down the hall.

The way I stumbled and waddled was absolutely atrocious. I hated any form of walking while intoxicated, but I really needed a smoke, and I really needed to stray away from that conversation.

I arrived at the front doors, and plopped down like a newborn giraffe to put my waraji back on. I missed my boots _so much;_ this fucking sandal thing was the worst. It took me a good five minutes to even get the damn things on yet these people did it in like three seconds flat—bullshit.

As I fiddled with the laces, the door opened lightly rather than in the abrupt manner my fellow excited alcoholics opened it. I didn't look up, but stayed focused on my task with the light footsteps of the person transmuting into a soft patter in the background.

"Ah, you've finally arrived! Busy day today?" the host asked.

"Indeed it has been; we've had lots of new orders recently," the female responded.

I stopped a half-second. Had I…heard that voice before?

"Well thank you for still taking the time for this one; I'm sure he sends his thanks as well!" The host sounded grateful.

"My pleasure. Please take care!"

Damn my curiosity—I looked up.

I saw the female's backside as she rose back up to proper posture from her formal bow; her long, chocolate brown hair swaying before gathering behind her back. She had a healthy frame to her; slightly taller than me and clad in the black shihakushou I'd grown accustomed to seeing. She turned to her left toward the door; her profile now in view momentarily before she exited.

I dropped the tie of my waraji and stared with my mouth agape. Her nose, her cheekbones, her chin…it couldn't be.

Her hazel eyes met mine, and in that moment my heart stuttered as my brain tried to process. She closed her eyes and nodded at me with a small blush warming up her fair skinned cheeks. She slid the door closed behind her, and I just stared into the empty void she previously occupied.

It was her.

I'd know her anywhere.

But it couldn't be her.

She…she…

I took the laces and make-shifted tying them as fast as I could. I hadn't a single moment to lose. I stumbled out the door; sliding it shut behind me with a thud as my head shifted back and forth to try and make out which way she went. I ignored the cat calls from the men smoking along the front wall of the establishment, and focused on the task at hand.

To my right, a shadow from the alleyway that stretched to the right toward the Division Districts made itself known. The shadow receded into the alley, and I knew that the longer I waited, the higher the chance I'd lose her. Rangiku and I had taken that path to get here, and it veered off in several different directions. If I didn't hurry and she took any other path than straight-forward, I'd lose her. I scurried as fast as I could toward the alley—of all the times where I needed to run but couldn't because I was drunk. This was fucking ridiculous.

I stumbled forward; footsteps completely uncoordinated as a damn after effect of the hard liquor I decided to drink. Beer never made me this uncoordinated—no, beer was _gracious_ to me. Sake just wanted to see me fall flat on my face so that it could laugh it up like a fucking hyena. The alleyway wasn't even that far, yet I tripped literally three times—all in which I luckily caught myself—and was already parched from the journey.

But I couldn't give up. No matter how much I wanted to smoke, no matter how much I wanted to go back to eat and drink more—this had to be done. I had to know if it were true; I had to find out if I was hallucinating, or if it really was _her._ I'd imagined her so many times before; so many times I thought she was within reach to only realize that it was all just the drugs. But this time...this time was different.

She had _died_ after all. This was the place people went _after they died._

It had to be her. No on else had those eyes like hers; those hazel hues that reflected shades of grey and gold belonged to no one else in existence. I couldn't let this slide; even on the off chance that it wasn't her, I had to see her. I had so many words that needed to be said; so many tears that needed to be shed—I couldn't miss this only opportunity.

Panting, I finally made it to the alleyway. There was no shadow. She was gone.

"Fucking Kami!" I whimpered. I couldn't give up; I had to find her. She couldn't have gotten that far ahead.

I kept forward as fast as I could without falling. I didn't care how far I had to walk; if it was for her I would…

I reached the first split to the left. Only a dimly lit street lantern met my searching eyes. I kept going.

"Miyuki!" I shouted. If my legs couldn't catch her, maybe my voice could. "Miyuki, it's me!" I shouted.

I reached the next path; nothing again. I reached the next path; a cat scurrying away from one of the alleys to the right was enough for me to try.

"Miyuki!"

My heavy feet kept at it—I couldn't give up. She could be in that alley up ahead. Nothing else mattered anymore. She was so close that I couldn't stand it. I pushed myself past the area the cat hid in, and B-lined it around the corner. Only an empty alleyway. I continued down the dark path as I shouted her name again. Any creak, any movement no matter how small is where I'd turned.

A dead end.

There was no one. Empty crates, cloth and buckets were the only things greeting me now. I'd…I'd made the wrong choice.

My shoulder pressed against the wall, and I slumped into it in defeat. Of all the times for this to happen. She had to pick when I was completely hammered to show herself to me. Kami was a sick, twisted fuck to pull this number on me; he teased me with her, and snatched her away to watch me crumble. I slammed the side of my fist against the wall; tears forming in my eyes from frustration.

"Miyuki," I breathed out; letting my voice crumble down with the rest of my emotions.

Now that I'd come to a complete stop, my head throbbed from the travel. I rose my left hand to rest it against my forehead.

"Finally, _you're alone,_ "

A hand seized my wrist mid-movement; the action catching me completely off guard as he twisted my arm around my back, and shoved me against the wall. He seized my other hand immediately although I struggled, and his towering body pressed into me so I couldn't move. My face scraped against the rough surface as I struggled in his grasp, and he swiftly was able to free one of his own hands in the meantime. I inhaled to scream, but before I could, cold, sharp metal pressed into my cheek; I froze.

"Scream, and I'll cut your fucking tongue out—I promise you that," the man threatened; the amusement that soaked his words setting in a sick panic that made me have to bite back gagging.

"I'm glad to finally meet you, Kiteyama-san; I've been waiting for you." His lips were against my ear as he spoke; his hot, steamy breath engulfing my skin and sending more panicked chills down my spine. "Honestly, I've become impatient waiting around for you to stray away from those disgusting Shinigami; I'm glad the wait is finally over."

I could visualize the grin on his face from the way he spoke; it made me feel like it was more than just sick amusement—the tone had lust laced throughout it. I had to keep calm. I was still drunk, but I needed to remain calm and try to think this situation through. My thoughts were racing as my heart was screaming the fear that wracked through me—I might not be able to make it out of this.

"Who are you?" My tone was low and stern—just how I wanted it to be. I had to remember that I've done this before; I've been in worse situations. I just need to not show fear; I need to quiet that screaming within me before he could utilize it against me.

"They did say you were quite the brave one; no hesitation in getting down to business. I like that in a woman—idle prattle is such a bore," he chuckled. "I'll tell you who I am as soon enough, Dear. Right now however we must be going; your Shinigami friends will be arriving any second now,"

He traced the point of the knife along my cheek; delicately tracing lines back and forth with enough pressure to break the skin. I stared at it through my periphery; the fear at the thought of one wrong move taking out my eye or cutting clean through my cheek making my heart leap.

The metal made me remember the other night. The blood that dripped down the switchblade I used on the bastard that hurt me. Thoughts of what he did to me on that table broke through the memory; causing my breathing to fasten into an attack. Not only was I panicked and already in pain, but now my mental fortitude collapsed, resulting into a full on attack on myself.

"Where is it?"

I didn't respond; my hyperventilating in full effect. The blade pushed and broke through the skin on my cheek with little effort.

"I asked you a fucking question,"

"W-Where is w-what?" My stuttering response only infuriated him more.

He pulled me back and slammed me against the wall. "You know what I'm fucking talking about!"

"I-I don't know what you're fucking talking about!" I managed a bit of bravery in my shout.

"Don't play fucking stupid! It's on you—isn't it?" the blade left my face, and with his now free hand, he felt me hurriedly. "Where are you hiding it?" he growled.

While his hand was free of the knife, I mustered up enough courage to take the golden opportunity. I lurched my head back and hit him square in the face. While he stumbled incrementally, I jerked my leg up in front of myself and pushed it against the wall as much as possible to create distance. He didn't let me get too far; he yanked my hands further up against my back; making my elbows want to snap from the pressure.

"You're not getting out of this," The knife was back out as he tried to pin me against the wall again.

I squirmed under the pressure; my focus so intense that my headache and breathing had my vision blurring—all the better. As I tried to hunch forward to create that distance between myself and the wall, he took the back of my head and slammed it into the wall. Using the back of the hilt, he struck the back of my head with the flat metal; causing shockwaves to shoot through me as my forehead bled from splitting open against the wall.

"Don't get fucking brave!"

If I thought my head hurt before, I was dead wrong. Stars clouded my vision from how mind-boggling that direct hit to the back of my skull was. All resistance from me was nulled from the blow, and I stood there limp and completely breathless under his strength. He started saying something again, but I couldn't hear any of his words anymore. Everything was fading in and out, and all I could do was just accept what was going to happen.

When I felt his hands grip my inner thigh, only one thing was clear to me at that point: I'd been a fool. To allow myself to believe that I was safe in the Seireitei was the biggest mistake ever. Allowing myself to feel comfort these past few days and to begin to believe that I could live normally amongst the others was the worst thing I could've ever convinced myself of. Now here I was; about to get abducted and abused for the second time without even a decent fight.

I thought of Hitsugaya. Those eyes that made me feel so sure; so safe when I was with him. How I melted at the thought of his promise to me; the sweet gesture that had me let hope trickle in.

I..I was such a…

" _Vacuous dolt."_

My head felt like it erupted.

Without consent, I screamed bloody murder as warm liquid slithered down my nostrils and into my open mouth. The man tried to steady my now convulsing body, only to be pushed back by a force I didn't have the ability—nor mental capacity—to see.

It felt like my body was being torn apart; shredding slowly strand by strand as if ripping a piece of paper in sections. I couldn't see, and I couldn't hear anything above my own screaming. Never in my life had I experienced something like this. It felt like my soul was being sucked out of me, and whipping and swirling around me like hungered tentacles begging to capture prey. Just what the Hell was happening to me?

The man shot back a flash of something in defense, but whatever it was wasn't a match for this aura around me. When the shot collided with the invisible force however, it felt like a huge piece of me was ripped out at once; the blood coming out of my nose flooding out heavily upon the collision. I choked on it; coughing and violently hunching forward in a dry-heave that almost made me pass out.

I was hanging on by a thread now; the world rushing out of control around me. Whatever this was that was happening was eating me alive. Not only didn't I have the slightest hint of how to combat it, but I also was too weak to do anything other than cough and hold my head. The anxiety of this unknown happening possibly taking me rather than my captor only added to my hyperventilating.

"Kiteyama!"

That voice—it broke through. It _always_ broke through me.

I fell to the ground face first, and let my body crumble inward as I continued to cough and pant. The aura dissipated, and I could feel something slowly filling the empty void within me that developed from the defense.

I could hear clashing, and the already cold air rushed at me in an even colder gust. I was thankful for it; my panic caused my body to fever in heat from all the motion. I heard a grunt, and then nothing at all. They were gone—I was alone again.

I knew that Hitsugaya more than likely was chasing after him, but the thought of him gone made my heart pick up again; racing back into a panic. What if the man out ran Hitsugaya? What if he lost him and he comes back to swoop me up? What if he—

"Kiteyama!"

Hitsugaya appeared in front of me and picked me up immediately; inspecting me while holding me up so I could continue coughing up the blood caught in my windpipe.

"Where are you hurt? What did he do to you?" The anger in his voice was more than clear. He pushed my now free-flowing hair out of my face, and let me get a hold of my coughing as he inspected the rest of my curled body.

My head hurt so bad that I couldn't even respond. All I could was hold my head as I turned into him. He wiped some of the blood off my face with some type of cloth as I shivered from the pain; my teeth chattering beyond my own control. He prompted me again and I couldn't answer.

" _You really are pathetic,"_ a familiar female voice told me. I knew that voice from somewhere, but I just couldn't think about where I'd heard her before.

"Kiteyama," he called. His hand swept my face gently; tucking my hair behind my ear before resting alongside it. "Breathe, Kiteyama; you need to breathe,"

My blurry eyes looked up at him; my jagged pants not seizing in the least. I was completely light-headed, and the lack of oxygen was now at a life-threatening level. As soon as that realization set in, my eyes widened from the adrenaline rush my stuttering heart caused. I squirmed and my hands rushed to my obi—I needed to get the corset off and I needed it to happen now. I didn't want Hitsugaya to see but…

My hands stopped right after I'd gotten through the knot. Choking ripped through me, and my hands were up at my throat as my fingers staggered and dug into my skin.

"Kiteyama!" he shouted in his own panic.

'I...can't…breathe,' I mouthed out soundlessly.

In a swift motion, he propped me against the wall, completely unraveled the fabric of my shihakushou, and laid his eyes on my corset. He didn't hesitate in ripping it open with both hands, then proceeding to slip both hands against my skin and around my back to unlatch my bra as well. Once it was unlatched, he took out his hands and tilted my head up; taking both my hands and holding them firmly in one of his.

His lips met mine; aiding air into me in one rapid movement. He pulled away, and I coughed immediately; luckily able to gasp and get a small intake. After the gasp, he took my mouth again; another assisted intake to aid my stuttering heartbeat into hopefully a smoother rhythm.

That was it; I was able to take a full breath after the exhale. It was shaky and partially choked, but better than where it was two seconds ago.

"Easy," he cooed as his hand slid to the back of my neck. "Slowly,"

I nodded; my tears falling down onto my now exposed skin. I looked down at myself; the visual too painful to look at for more than a few seconds. I wrapped my arms around myself; trying to cover the most hated part of myself as my once panicked tears now turned into tears of shame.

"I-I-I'm sorry," I squeaked out through my quivering lips.

Without notice, he pulled me in; cradling the back of my head as he held me against him. I felt his chest rise and fall with his breathing, and I took hold of the fabric covering his chest with shaken hands as I buried my face into his chest.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for," the words—although said lowly—reverberated in his chest as he said them.

I could feel my body easing with the closeness; the warmth of his arms around me, the sound of his deep voice so close to me—it soothed me in the most strangest of ways. I didn't want to leave from this spot; it was so comforting that I just wanted to greedily take it all for my own.

"Please; just breathe for me,"

As soon as he'd said it, the memory of Rangiku's words from earlier replayed in my head. Was what she said… _true_?

As my breathing calmed, I could feel my consciousness slipping. I was completely worn out from tonight's event, and the prior sleepless nights weren't helping me any.

"H-Hitsugaya,"

He gathered the hair that had fallen over my shoulder and between us; adjusting the strands to settle into the section already gathered at my back as I pulled myself away enough to speak clearly. He didn't say anything; he waited for me to continue as he rested his hand back at the base of my neck.

"C-Can we p-please just go home?" I whimpered. Granted I didn't have an actual place of my own to call 'home,' but I just wanted to get away from here—I _needed_ to get far away from this place.

"Yes, but on one condition,"

He squeezed me tighter to him as he pressed his forehead against the top of my head. "Stay with me tonight; _please_ ,"

I don't know how he did it. How in such simple words, made everything okay—made _me_ okay. I nodded my acceptance against him; gripping his shihakushou tightly and pulling myself into him.


	13. Chapter 13

"Really, where did all your pride vanish to?"

That voice…where have I heard her before?

"I know when you're awake, Akinoyo; you cannot feign anything in my presence."

Well, there went any chances of being able to just continue sleeping.

I opened my heavy eyes; light-reflecting water the first image they set on. It was all around me—had I fallen asleep in a puddle? Wait a minute. After I wiped my eyes, I sat up with recognition smacking me in the face—this was that weird dream I had the other day.

Something wasn't right though.

It was dark in that dream, and all I saw was the darkness aside from the murky water beneath me. Now, that thick darkness was lifted; replaced by the lighter night sky, and flooded from the faint moonlight cast down on the water.

The water I sat in stretched out as far as my eyes could see, and sharp boulders peeked out from beneath the water. Chunks of wood floated throughout the water; swollen and rotting with bark deteriorating off them. This place was so bizarre; it wasn't like I was in an ocean, yet it wasn't like I was in a lake either. It moreover reminded me of a flooded land more than all else.

"This is the result of your negligence," the female broke my venturing mind.

I turned around to see no one. Just what was this voice? Where was this woman, and why the Hell did I keep dreaming of her?

"You've become such a  _selfish child._ "

The voice was definitely coming from the direction I faced, but I still couldn't see anything. No human or creature; just the still water before me.

"I suppose I should be thankful to  _him_ ,"

The water a few feet in front of me rippled; the circles expanding before colliding with another ripple that emerged closer to me—footsteps?

"However, it does not excuse what you have done."

The steps came closer, and I stepped back in defense.

"Just how do you plan to remedy this situation? By sitting idly by and waiting for him to put in the work for you? You're pathetic."

"You know, it's even more pathetic when you're dishing out insults and can't even show yourself to me. You're over there pointing fingers at me from behind an invisible cloak like a fucking coward. I don't know what this place is, but it's impossible that I'm the one that caused this. Shit, it was probably you who destroyed this place; when you point fingers, there are three pointing right back at you— _so you know_. Quit trying to pawn the blame off on me, and quit it with your fucking attitude!"

Okay, maybe spouting off to an invisible entity wasn't one of my brightest ideas.

The water rippled quickly, and a gust of wind rushed at me as the water rose and circulated around where she was 'standing' in an angered fury.

"You're the one who refuses to open your eyes to the truth! Don't you understand that it's  _you who can't see me?_  Do you have any idea how frustrating and insulting that is to me? " She shouted.

There was anger— _definitely anger—_ but another level of emotion to her words. Hurt?

"This is how you reciprocate the gratitude I've shown you?"

The entity inched closer, and I took another step back. What was she talking about? ' _Gratitude?'_ What has she done other than call me names and display hatred toward me?

The water circulating around her dropped instantly; an eerie silence stiffening me straighter than a board.

"You don't deserve that which you have received," she said softly—more to herself than to me.

In that moment—even though I couldn't see anything—I felt a pressured, sharp gaze on me; my skin tingling with the psychological intensity.

"Leave."

I dropped down instantly into the water.

-x-x-

The sound of the shouji door sliding open scared me awake—I jolted up to face a paused Hitsugaya at the entrance.

"It's okay—it's me." He said softly—I exhaled some of the panic when his voice finally registered.

As I looked around the room like a mouse caught between a wall and a cat, he approached slowly and sat next to me on the bed I was tucked into.

"You passed out on our way here. Matsumoto just brought over your yukata for you," he handed me the garment before continuing. "She said she'd be over first thing when you're awake to apologize, but since it's late, it can wait until tomorrow."

I set the attire on my lap; resting my lightly trembling hands over it as I looked down at them.

"She doesn't have anything to be sorry about,"

"Kiteyama," His hand set over mine; the touch added to the already blazing emotions inside me. "I know that you're tired, and I know that you're still in shock, but I need you to tell me what happened."

I took a deep breath; closing my eyes in an effort to nullify the remnant of the massive headache from earlier. I knew that he needed to know everything, but there was a part of me that didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell him about  _her;_ I didn't want to explain the mess he'd uncovered under my corset—I just wanted to pretend that nothing happened, and to have that hand of his pull me into him. But, of course, life doesn't work that way.

"We went drinking, and both got pretty wasted. We were having a good time, and everything was fine, until I…" I grit my teeth—here it goes.

"I needed a smoke, so I left her to go do that. I caught sight of someone, and tried to follow them out. Since I have trouble walking while intoxicated, I lost her. I ended up in that alley you found me in, and that guy came out of nowhere. I didn't even see him coming; before I knew it he had me against the wall." I paused to take a deep breath. "He-He said that he's been waiting for the opportune moment to catch me alone—that he had been  _waiting_  for me. I tried to get away, but I was too incapacitated to do much about it."

He squeezed my hand; a small, sympathizing action that honestly meant more than anything to me.

"Right before he was going to take me, he asked where I was hiding something. When I told him I didn't know, he started searching me for it. I tried to break away, but he ended up getting the better of me by bashing the back of my head with his knife. After he did that, I…don't really know how to explain what happened. My head felt like it was exploding, and some invisible force pushed him off me. I don't know what it was, but it felt like the life was being sucked out of me—all I could do was scream. Shortly after, you arrived on the scene."

I peeked up at him; seeing that his eyes were now fixated on our hands atop my lap as he listened intently to my explanation. Telling it to him made me internally re-live the whole scene; tears were already set in motion and it took everything for me to hold them back. I'd fallen so low so fast; two weeks ago I would've gotten it and moved on, but now that someone was here to listen, it was like all of my defenses disappeared. Not only was this whole situation driving me insane, but this frustration at my own weakness only added fuel to the fire. Just how much of a weakling was I?

"What happened when you followed him?" I squeaked out.

He looked up to meet my watery gaze, and I quickly looked away in embarrassment. "I chased him down, and when I finally was able to take shot, he disappeared." He paused briefly; more than likely contemplating me expression. "I'm sorry to make you go through it again; I should've waited until the morning—I'm sorry."

As much as I didn't want to, I took my hand out of his and straightened my clothing nervously. "I-It's fine; it's better that you know the situation immediately in case of anything. That guy could be outside the window right now and we would've had no idea."

In saying it, the fear of being watched sent new shivers up my spine—another paranoia to add to my already long list. My eyes shifted to the window to check—nothing but dim moonlight illuminating the sheer curtains.

"It would be pretty bold to try to break in here; I don't sense anyone lingering about at the moment. You're safe here, Kiteyama; you don't have to worry about anything while you're in our company—I promise. Matsumoto and I promised to protect you; if you're with us then we can make sure that no harm comes to you."

"Hitsugaya, I'm sorry I've caused more trouble for you." I blurted out. "Please don't be angry at Rangiku; she's been really good to me, and is more than capable of protecting me. I-I'm the one that wandered off; what happened tonight is no one's fault but mine." I bowed my head to him—a gesture I wasn't used to doing in earnest. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's okay. I'm not mad at her—I understand that things happen. Although I completely disapprove of her taking you out to drink, I understand that it wasn't her negligence that caused this to happen."

I sat back up; refusing to make eye contact. I was relieved that he wasn't mad at her, but I knew that I was the one who fucked up, and he  _should_ be mad at  _me_  for pulling such a rookie move like that.

"What's done is done, and we can only move forward all the wiser from it," he turned his body toward mine, and I stiffened from the undivided attention. "However, I do need to know about this 'someone' you attempted to follow. Who is it, and why couldn't it wait until another time?"

That gaze of his was on me, and I knew that I didn't have any choice in the matter. I'd have to tell him about her whether I liked it or not.

"Her name is Nankai Miyuki. S-She was someone who I knew that died as few years ago. I only caught a glimpse of her, but by the time everything processed and I came to the realization, she was already out the door. I-I just wanted to see her."

Looking up at him, I realized just how selfish what I did was. He's done so much for me, and I repaid him by putting myself in harm's way. I regret what my behavior's caused, but I don't regret why I did it. I couldn't let the opportunity slip by me; even with what happened, she was still such a significant person to me.

"Nankai Miyuki," he repeated. "She must've been important for you to leave Matsumoto like that." He looked back at me and I broke eye contact.

"S-She is." I clarified hesitantly.

"She was one of the patrons?"

"No, she was delivering something. I didn't see what it was, but the host seemed happy to receive it."

"I see."

"How did you find me?" I quickly subject-changed.

The memo was received; he played along with me even though I could tell he had more questions. "It was getting late, and I hadn't heard back from Matsumoto. I was tracing her reiatsu when I felt yours blaze from elsewhere."

"Mine? What do you mean? I thought you couldn't sense me?" I questioned.

"While you were confined by that bracelet I couldn't, but as soon as you emerged I was able to sense you immediately. Your reiatsu erupted when you first emerged, then dwindled down to barely even an output. I've been able to sense that it's been recuperating for the past few days little by little, but it's still weak even now. The thing about reiatsu is that it can react with emotion; with what was happening to you earlier, I'm not surprised it spiked out of control. It felt different however—I knew it was you immediately, but it was far different from your normal reiatsu." He explained.

Well that made sense, but I didn't understand why it felt different to him. Wouldn't it always feel the same but in different levels of intensity?

"Does it always come out in a nose bleed and feel like you're being ripped apart?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, aside from him striking the back of my head with the hilt of his knife, my head and body felt like it was being ripped apart. The same thing happened when I got out of the gigai, but this time when it came out, I felt like my skin was being peeled off and my soul was leaving my body."

Hitsugaya cocked a brow. "That isn't normally how it feels; yes it can be draining for it to be heightened like that, but I've never heard of anyone having that reaction."

"Leave it to me to be the oddity." I scoffed.

"What happened when it erupted?" he asked.

"Well, aside from the headache and nosebleed, it swirled around me violently, and blocked an attack from the man. I couldn't see anything or really focus, but when the man attacked, the impact made more of it pump out of me to the point of almost passing out. It was weird—it was like it had a mind of its own almost. All I was doing was screaming and coughing from choking on the blood from my nosebleed."

He took a moment to assess what I said, and I felt like even more of a freak with the silence. Was I really  _that_  different from other Shinigami?

"Kiteyama, have you made any contact with your zanpakutou?"

Now it was my turn to cock a brow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, have you talked to it at all?"

"Not that I know of. Is that usually something that's supposed to happen?"

"Yes; zanpakutou are extensions of our own souls. They can appear as a separate entity and even manifest themselves, but ultimately they are a part of us. To achieve Shikai and Bankai—released forms of zanpakutou—it is crucial to communicate, and work with your zanpakutou."

"I see." The thought of a somewhat separate entity inside me kind of freaked me out, but at the same time, was I really that surprised?

The dream I had earlier came to mind. It was so surreal each time, and the voice of that invisible woman was so eloquent and enticing even with the superiority tinge that I couldn't forget it even if I wanted to. "Do they have the ability to appear in dreams?"

"They do. Most of the time, the first interactions are either through dreams, or during a moment of conflict. It varies for each person since everyone's different, but ultimately they make contact by simply speaking out to you when they deem you worthy enough." He explained.

Everything made sense to me in that moment. The attack, the dream—that woman was my zanpakutou. Remembering both interactions and her anger toward me now panged my heart with guilt. I don't know how I did what she's accusing me of, but ultimately I knew that I owed her an apology regardless of my own recollection of my action.

"I take it back then; I have made contact with my zanpakutou. I thought it was just a weird dream and that maybe the voice I heard was the first phase of paranoid schizophrenia, but now that you explained that—it was definitely her." I rested my forehead in my palm. " I heard her voice before that invisible force erupted earlier—it must've been her behind it. I don't know how I did it, but she's really pissed off at me—yet another complication to hinder my progress. She said that she 'should be thankful to  _him_ ,' though, which I assume must mean you since you're the only  _'him'_  that's ever done anything for me. At least she likes one of us."

"Whatever it is that happened, communication will help. Reach out to her; try to make amends with her—she is part of yourself after all." The suggestion was the right one, but it didn't make me feel any less intimidated by her.

"I guess you're right,"

The sheathed blade was set atop the dresser; the hilt facing my direction. If I were to take a guess, the hilt was her head staring straight at me—I looked away in my own cowardice.

"I folded your corset and set it beside your zanpakutou and hair piece,"

My stomach didn't sink from the thought of interacting with a sharp piece of metal anymore; Hitsugaya's comment now made me shrink under the pressure of what he saw.

"T-Thanks,"

The stuttering can fucking stop now—thanks.

"You're welcome,"

Kami, he was gonna ask questions. Could I really delve into this with him? I didn't want to talk about it to anyone ever again, but could I really say no to him now that he's seen them? Maybe I was overreacting—maybe it wasn't so terrible to look at from an outsider's perspective. Maybe only to me was it the most absolutely sickening thing in the universe—maybe it was because of the memory that went hand-in-hand with it that I just couldn't handle. Either way, I reflexively brought the yukata up to my stomach to provide even thicker coverage—my hands clenching the fabric in an effort to stop shaking.

"Here; let me have a look at those wounds," he moved closer to me, and I evaded eye contact at all costs.

Oh Kami, he wanted to look at them? Why would he want to do such a thing? Was the first glance at the freakshow not enough? The shaking from my hands trailed up my arms and to the rest of my body. I shook my head, and clutched the fabric my blank focused eyes stared at.

"T-That's okay; I-I'm fine,"

His fingertips brushing gently against my forehead broke me out of my intense concentration. I tried to keep calm and collected as much as I could, but the touch made my heart race and my breathing stutter.

"Not those ones,"

I rose my head to glance up at him; his fingertips moving my loose hair out of my face upon the rise. He let the corner of his lips rise briefly to set me at ease, and the gesture sent the panic of having to once again face my own demons away.

He guided my hair to rest behind my ear, and gently swayed me into turning my head to him so he could get a closer look at the cut on my forehead. As I stared at his analyzing facial expression, the memory of him saving me from suffocation earlier played in my mind like an unwanted computer pop-up. His fingers moved my rebellious layered bangs away from my forehead again, and I struggled to keep an unfazed façade from the never-ending replay going on in my head.

"The cut itself isn't too deep; this should help it not ache as much," His palm hovered over the cut on my forehead and a faint chartreuse glow from his kidou caught the top of my periphery. "I can't save you from the bump that's sure to develop however—you're going to have to wait that one out."

"Y-Yeah—no problem," I managed to mutter.

His eyes met mine at my reply, and I quickly looked away in embarrassment. Why was it only a big deal  _to me_  about what he and I did earlier? He didn't seem fazed at all. Well then again it isn't like it was an  _actual_ kiss or anything; it was a basic life-saving procedure. Why was I making a bigger deal than it actually was? Speaking of which, though…

"Thanks…for earlier, Hitsugaya." I could still feel his eyes on me, and so I continued. "I've never had a panic attack that badly before; I honestly thought that would be the end of me rather than that guy. It's embarrassing and all-around frustrating—I'm sorry you had to do that,"

The thumb from his other hand traced over my cheek where the knife penetrated, and I prayed to Kami that my cheeks weren't warm from the blush that was surely tinting the tops of my cheeks.

"You shouldn't be sorry for something that isn't your fault; had I gotten there earlier, you wouldn't have gone through that to begin with. Had I kept my promise, none of this would've happened tonight."

I felt so incredibly stupid. This whole time I thought he was showing irritability here and there due to my actions, but in reality, he was actually upset at  _himself_. He was blaming himself for what happened to me?

The hand over my forehead set down on his lap, and the other hand at the cut began to heal my swollen cheek. I mustered the courage to look up at him as the glow reflected in his already teal-spectrum eyes.

"Hitsugaya, you did keep your promise; I'm the one that should be sorry more than anything for doing something so stupid." Without realizing it, I'd reached up and set my hand on his forearm as I spoke.

"Please don't think this is all your fault—it's not. You've been so good to me," I squeezed his arm as my own guilt surfaced with my words. "I-I don't deserve your kindness. These past few days _—I didn't deserve them._  I didn't deserve you and Rangiku treating me like a person, bending over backwards for me, sacrificing your own safety for someone like me. This kindness that you more than anyone have shown me is completely unnecessary; what would people think of you if they found out you kept a  _whore_  in your company? Your reputation as a Taichou suffers so tremendously every time you show me care. Hitsugaya, I don't—"

"Kiteyama," he turned my face gently so I had to make eye contact. "Stop telling yourself that you don't deserve it—you  _do_ deserve it. You're not an object to be set on the shelf until the need for you arises; you're a person with thoughts, opinions, and emotions—treating you as something that doesn't require interaction is out of the question."

His hand left my cheek, and travelled to the back of my head. He gently traced two fingers along my scalp, and when he saw me wince, he began the kidou at that spot.

"Whatever I do is my business and no one else's—I long ago stopped caring about the opinions others have of me. You don't shame me because of an occupation that you were  _forced_ into; don't set yourself to a lower standard because of it— _it isn't your fault._  And certainly don't use it as an excuse to distance yourself from others; I know you're used to being alone, but it isn't healthy for you—or anyone for that matter,"

Kami, if you could just do me a solid and help me keep my emotions in check, I'd  _really_ appreciate it. A couple tears sneaked out over the rim of my eyelids, and in an effort to suck it up, I tried to take the subject off myself.

"Y-You make it sound like you would know firsthand,"

He looked away from me, and as soon as he did I felt completely regretful that I even muttered the statement. I was such an unintelligent worm. Rangiku had said that he was the lone-wolf type, but that didn't mean that he was that way  _by_   _choice_ —shit.

"You're right—I also know what it's like. And because of that, know that my statement isn't just empty advice stemming from weak sympathy. It isn't something just for you to work on—it's something I myself need to work on as well,"

His other hand rose to my cheek, and wiped away the escaped tear with his thumb. "If you'd allow me, we can work on it together,"

The blush and heart palpitations were too real—freaking Kami.

"What do you think?" he asked.

There was a small, yet meaningful smile playing on his lips, and I knew instantly that he was trying to help chase away my pessimistic thoughts—that look of his said that much without him having to formulate it into words. Those hues of his that looked into mine sent calming waves my way, and I threw no caution to the wind in allowing them to wash over me. I let a small smile rise on my own lips, and let out a small giggle from nerves—my go-to fallback for any foreign or irritating emotion.

"Sounds like a hard time for you—do you even realize just how much of an asshole I am? I don't think you know what you're getting into, Hitsugaya,"

"Toushirou."

I cocked a brow.

"Call me Toushirou when it's just us," he felt the back of my head with two of his fingers as my brain scrambled from the familiarity allowance he bestowed upon me.

"I know full well what I'm getting into, and I think I can handle anything you're brave enough to throw my way," he pressed his fingers over the bump on my head, and when I didn't wince, he withdrew his hand.

"Akinoyo then,  _Toushirou_ ," I let myself smirk, wiping my remnant tears. "I accept your challenge,"


	14. Chapter 14

"Thanks, Hitsugaya-Taichou, I'll take it from here." The fellow ebony-haired female smiled with a respectful nod.

Hitsugaya—er,  _Toushirou—_ looked skeptical, so I sneaked a wink at him to hopefully calm him. My efforts were futile—ever since day three with this guy, he stopped falling for my persuasion tactics. I could still sway anyone else that crossed my path into believing whatever crock of lies tickled my fancy, but this fucking Romeo was now immune to my tactics—much to my dismay. Maybe it was because of those disturbing emotions he sent me in every time he looked at me? Kami only knows.

Granted, I didn't blame him for being skeptical at all; after last night with what happened, I'm sure that he didn't want me too far out of reach. Even though I told him that what happened was entirely not his fault, I feel as if he's still taking it upon himself. I couldn't figure out how to convince him other than straight up saying the obvious, but clearly that didn't work. I felt terrible that  _he_ felt terrible—all around this was a vicious cycle of guilt that was absolutely awful.

"I'll leave the two of you then; please have someone escort her back to my office when you're through, Abarai-Taichou," Toushirou nodded back.

"Of course, Hitsugaya-Taichou," she complied.

"See you soon, Hitsugaya- _Taichou_ ," I bowed respectfully.

If it wasn't for my actual Taichou being here, I would've dismissed him with my usual snobbery, but I had to make a good impression to my technical boss. Today should be interesting.

Toushirou left the room after a quick assessing glance at me, and Abarai-Taichou turned back to her desk as soon as the door shut. She took out a key and a folded paper from her drawer, then shut it gently as she looked up at me. I averted my gaze after a quick nod—I suddenly felt like I was being disrespectful. Damn my observant nature.

"You don't have to be so stiff," she walked back around her desk and to my flank, handing me the paper. "I don't bite…unless I have a good reason to," she smiled softly, yet with a hint of playfulness in her tone.

I let a small chuckle slip. "I'm glad; I don't like it when people are  _too_ stiff to be around," I admitted.

"I agree," she began as she strutted to the door—I followed suit. "That paper is your bank account information; Ise-Fukutaichou was able to unfreeze your funds. I'll show you how to handle everything in a little while."

"Thank you; I appreciate it."

"No problem at all." We rounded the corner and proceeded down the hallway. "Since we're on the topic of stiff behavior, I'll go first in the normal introductory measures. I was originally from the Rukongai, and was adopted into nobility during my attendance in the academy. Aiding my prior statement, with the honor came people that are far too stiff for their own good. I was pretty nervous at first, but after a while I learned how to address them in every aspect properly, and gained some additional beneficial mannerisms along the way. But I'll be honest—stiff nature just isn't a comfortable way of life. It's nice to just be yourself, and surround yourself around like-minded individuals."

Well damn. I knew the blatantly obvious, but she was nobility on top or that? Good Kami—the poor thing. While riches might be nice, overall having to put up with that type of insane stick-constantly-up-your-ass culture must be the most annoying thing in the world. At least she kept her wits about her, and she's able to distinguish tact versus snobbery. Although, feigning snob tendencies is definitely fun if you're messing with people.

"I see. I can imagine that adapting to that level of social standards must've been difficult. It's great that you've still managed to not let that type of behavior consume you." I commented.

"Thank you," she said as we rounded the hallway. "You're up, Kiteyama-san; tell me a little about yourself."

Oh good Kami.

"Uh, well, to be honest—I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm naturally sassy with a not-so-tactful personality by default, but lately with everything going on, I feel as if I'm molding into a completely different person. Aside from what you already know about me, I suppose the only thing that I can really say is that I like Sugi trees and have always dreamt of relaxing in a nice onsen. Other than that, I've got nothing." I shrugged.

She chuckled— _not giggled; chuckled—_ at my blunt response, and I gulped down my anxious reaction.

"You forgot to add humorous to your personality traits—I like it." She smiled. "Well, now that you're here, you'll finally have the opportunity to figure things out, and let good-willed people mold you into the person you yourself  _want_  to be. Sugi trees are rather nice; I haven't seen them since the last time I was in the Rukongai now that I've been reminded of it. Now I might just have to make a visit,"

Her eased aura helped my own tense one simmer down into a more manageable display, and as we continued to walk down the corridors of Squad 13's main operational infrastructure, I started to actually feel more comfortable around my future Taichou. While she displayed warmth and understanding as her two main personality traits, I felt as if there was a firm resolve behind them that made her suitable to her position; an aura of authority with traces of eloquence and keen intellect that would make her bite venomous if she were ever prompted. I liked that about her; she seemed able to handle her affairs with the tact of an amiable monarch, yet was able to evoke dread if one ever took advantage of her kind words. The ability to evoke said dread and borderline fear honestly sort of thrilled me. People who were able to accomplish that feat without the use of blatant threats honestly were inspirational. Would I ever evolve to that level? Nah, it's too much fun turning the tables and sarcastically—yet intelligently—beating people at their own game in a harsh, barbaric tactic.

Abarai-Taichou explained the different sections of our Sqaud along with the responsibilities of each, and I did my best to commit everything to memory for my future self's sake. I knew I'd get it down eventually, but the thought of getting it all down on the first try seemed like it would be the one savory victory that I could manage to accomplish during this shit show. If I could just let myself have one, then everything that's been happening wouldn't be a total defeat for me.

"Here we are," she side-stepped toward the building to our right, and took out the key she'd taken out of her desk drawer earlier.

"It took me a few days to dig through the some documents, but I finally was able to find out which part of this storage area your prior belongings are stored in. My apologies for the delay," she turned the key, and opened the door upon the deadbolt's submission.

"No, don't be; thanks for finding out for me."

The building on the outside seemed rather large compared to the dumpy little shack like I was expecting. The first room we entered had different equipment scattered about; from cleaning supplies to grounds upkeep and other random oddities that felt pointless to question. We continued forward and through the door at the end of the room; going down the fluorescently lighted hallway and into the following room.

"This is where we keep the archive of the Division's documents. If I ever send you on an archive run, this would be the place," she motioned to the first large filing cabinet.

"Noted." I nodded before we continued.

This room gave me a weird office claustrophobia—something I  _never_ expected to have in my type of life—and I already was ready to just weave through. There was a clear path between some of the many towering metal cabinets, and I quickly kept up closely behind her to hurry up and get out of there.

"I take it Matsumoto-Fukutaichou's heavy disapproval of paperwork has started rubbing off on you?"

I didn't realize just how close I was to her until we were already at the door—it took a toll on my mental fortitude to prevent the sheepish smile from appearing on my face

"It isn't that I  _dislike_  it; it's just so much of it and in so many cabinets that I feel like they'll collapse down and kill me. I'd hate to go down as the one shinigami that died from a horrid paperwork accident. How disgraceful would that be? I'm assuming the graves here are the same ones in the World of the Living; I'd hate for mine to have some horrible pun like 'she was a bit of a paper-pusher' written on it. I mean you can keep it comical, but that's pushing it  _even for me_." I shrugged—she laughed.

"Well, dying from one of those cabinets falling would at least be infinitely less painful than dying during a battle, so there's the upside for this unlikely situation," She strutted through the hallway and quickly made it to the door. "I'm impressed though; I can't say I've ever known anyone else that's as observant and prepared for the unlikely. If your preventative ways cease to bear results and that  _does_ happen, I'll make sure your headstone doesn't say anything too ridiculous." She grinned.

"You have my thanks," I smirked.

This room was different. It reminded me moreover of a spacious library for some reason, but this was definitely the storage area I was expecting from the beginning. She proceeded to walk through to one of the cases, and traced her fingertips along the edges of pale wood that separated each compartment as her eyes searched thoroughly.

"Does it—"

"Found it!"

She reached into a compartment slightly above us, and pulled down a small, plum colored tin container. It was roughly about the size of a large dining plate, and had a paper seal along the side of it as a small extra seal to support the lid.

"This contains the remnants of your belongings they found in your residence. I tried to see if there was anything else stored elsewhere, but unfortunately this was the only finding I was able to come up with." She explained.

"Please, this is enough. Thank you for going through the effort for me, Abarai-Taichou," I bowed to her with actual sincerity. I had fully expected to come back to nothing, but this little remnant I was about to rummage through made me feel slightly 'lighter' for lack of a better word. As if some of the heavy aura of being completely in the dark was lifted just a fraction.

"You're welcome, Kiteyama-san. It was no trouble at all. Would you like to open it now? I can step out so you can have a moment," she offered.

"No, that's okay. You don't have to leave when I open it—it isn't any trouble. I feel like my past self wouldn't have anything horrendous to hide, and I'm sure that since someone had to collect this stuff that it isn't too out there." I shrugged. "I can wait until later; I'm sure that you have other business to attend to, so maybe it would be better if we started heading back."

"Sure; I still want to show you around a bit more since we're already on a tour. It's better to do that this early in the day before I get busy in the afternoon anyway," she smiled.

"After you, Taichou,"

-x-x-

"So are you just gonna stare at it, or are you gonna open it?" Rangiku peered over my shoulder.

I was back in Toushirou's office now; Rangiku taking hold of the back support of the couch I sat on and leaning over me to inspect the plum box of my mystery belongings. Toushirou was at his desk doing some paperwork, but I knew better than to assume he wasn't keeping an open ear on the two of us.

"I'm gonna do it right now; patience, patience," I slid my fingertips on the rimmed lip if the tin's lid; observing the black painted brushstrokes that gave the container an elegant touch.

I assumed that it was my prior self that picked this box, and it sort of made me happy that I had the same taste now even with the memory loss.

"Yes, I've heard it's a virtue, but it's one I don't have. Hurry, hurry!"

"Fine," I huffed in fake annoyance.

I took off the lid, and zeroed in on the miscellaneous objects within. A few hair accessories—one of which I recognized from the photo—a small book, a folded obi-looking juniper cloth, some spare currency, and a pair of chopsticks.

"Well this is really intriguing—I seem like I was quite the  _mysterious_  individual," I shook my head.

Rangiku reached over me and seized the haircomb from the tin. "Well, at least we know that you had good taste in your accessory choices—I've seen some distasteful haircombs in my day, and luckily these ones all meet acceptable criteria." She smiled as she studied it.

"Looks like if we'd known each other back then, you more than likely would've been fond of me." I smirked.

"More than likely!" she winked.

I took out the green cloth and unraveled it next. It was a bit thicker than an actual obi now that I looked at it, and the ends of each side seemed to have slightly stretched fabric; as if an after-effect from heavy strain. The color reminded me of something that I couldn't put my finger on.

"That's for your zanpakutou," Rangiku broke my wondering thoughts.

"Ah," I looked over at my zanpakutou I'd set down on the ground next to me. The hilt of it was the exact same color as the fabric in my hand—I knew I'd seen it somewhere before.

"You more than likely kept it in case, but settled on the current style—it's always a good tactic to keep it even if you don't use it. You never know when you'll change your mind." She set the haircomb back into the tin, and took out another.

"That makes sense," I mindlessly commented as I set it back into the tin.

I took out the small book next; noticing there was no title, and no brief synopsis on either outside cover. It was a hard-back rather than paper-back; an earth brown, cloth-type of fabric covering it and coated with a waxy-matte that molded it to the paper for durability. The inside of the cover had a—once white—yellow paper glued to cover where the fabric ended, and I rubbed my thumb over the noticeable glue that stuck it together. Moving on, I lightly thumbed through the first couple of blank pages until fine, black brush strokes caught my eye.

I froze. I stared at the page at a complete loss; my thoughts racing to formulate some type of sense.

"Akinoyo-chan?" Rangiku hesitantly called.

After a few seconds of my lack of response, I heard movement behind me, but all I could focus on was the script on the page. The handwritten, foreign characters that seemed to carry such weighted, yet unknown significance in my life—the same language written on the key tag.

"Is there anything you're able to make out?" Toushirou asked from behind me.

I quickly flipped and scanned through the pages. "None of this is Japanese; I can't make out a single thing."

I reached the end of the book and shut it. For whatever reason, looking at it made me extremely uncomfortable. Granted, I had no idea what it said, but just the thought of having this in my possession before everything went down scared me. Just what in the Hell was this supposed to mean?

"Akinoyo, can I have a look?" Toushirou asked.

I lifted the book up over my head, and he took it immediately. I focused in on the hollow, light patter his fingers made on the cover made as he opened it, and the soft shifting sound the paper made as he flipped through the pages.

"What does this mean?" Rangiku asked. It made sense—she didn't see what was on the tag of that stupid, confining piece of metal.

"There was a paragraph written in a foreign language on the tag of the key that bound her to the bracelet. This is all written in what appears to be the same language." Toushirou explained.

"Where is the tag now?" she asked.

"It should be with Kurotsuchi still; they were supposed to try and decipher the language and return it to us with their results." He lightly closed the book; the subtle clap of it causing me to blink from the surprise sound. "It's been a few days; I think a visit is in order—especially with this new information. Is there anything else that looks abnormal in your possessions?"

I shook my head.

"Then let's take this to Research and Development immediately," he walked around the couch, and made his way to the door. "Matsumoto, please give Abarai-Taichou, and Ise-Fukutaichou the memo."

"You got it." Rangiku grabbed her zanpakutou and took off.

I took my own, and weaved it through my obi as quickly as I could for the patiently waiting Toushirou at the door. With heavy feet, I made my way to him, and he closed the door and locked it after us.

"Ready?" He asked—I nodded. He picked me up; carefully maneuvering me so that my zanpakutou wouldn't make either of us uncomfortable as I hesitantly placed my hands on his shoulders. "What's wrong?" he asked right before take off.

I turned my face into his collarbone as I always did to avoid the whiplash; the rejuvenating scent of him eased me just slightly, yet just enough to rethink the emotion I displayed. This uncontrolled anxiety and panic was honestly getting on my nerves. While it's  _understandable_ , it didn't make it  _acceptable_. He'd said to let others in—er, himself actually—and he was right, but in order to do that, ones own self-control seemed completely necessary before that could ever be attainable. And while just looking at the words in that book made me want to be the crumbled crybaby I've been for the past week or so, I knew that I had to knock it off. Shit, I didn't even know what the damn thing said and I already wanted to melt down. This shit was downright unhealthy. My zanpakutou was right—just where the fuck did my pride go?

"Nothing; I'm okay." I quickly mumbled.

He didn't say anything at first, and I could feel his body tense at his disbelief in my statement. I squeezed the flexed shoulder muscle I already gripped with two quick, light squeezes.

" _Trust me_  for once,"

He mirrored my action on the grip he had on my upper arm. " _Convince me_ , and I'll think about it."

"Fair enough."

We landed, and he let me down gently. I kept a hand on his shoulder while my land-legs regained control, and once they did, he opened the huge doors in front of us and ushered me inside. Immediately we were confronted by what kind of seemed like security, but also a white-lab-coated scientific looking guy. Maybe both? Regardless, he bowed out of respect of Toushirou's status, and had us follow him into the dimly lit, and all around hostile-feeling building.

I hardly ever was able to watch any movies, but when I was working in the Diner one day when there were hardly any customers, Nobu put on some scary movie that's borderline identical to this place. It was set in some sort of psychiatric hospital, and even though I could hardly hear it—let alone get close enough to read the subtitles—the way the place was designed was very unpleasant to look at. The further I walked down this hallway, the more I was reminded of that film; the weird sounds coming from some of the 'offices' we passed weren't helping either. Toushirou didn't seem fazed at all; I assumed this place was normal given the lack of reaction, but was this really all that  _acceptable_?

The scientific guard dog opened one of the doors, and held it open for us to pass through. Once we were both in, he passed the two of us and proceeded forward. As my eyes followed along with his movements, my peripheral caught sight of literal monstrosity. I hadn't done a triple-take at something since my discovery of a fucking electric standing fan at the super market.

All along the walls were medium sized viles preserving alien-like creatures. I honestly only thought creatures like them existed in my own obscure, drug-induced nightmares and weird B-rated Horror films, but here I was—proven wrong by the agonized and tormented expressions on these grotesque creatures.

I tried to fight it, but my hand covered my mouth while my eyes flickered back and forth as we walked. Taking a small, barely noticeable step, Toushirou nudged me gently to refocus my attention forward. I dropped my hand and took a deep breath; focusing forward rather than at the creepy carnival attraction on both sides.

We reached a well lit room with walls covered from floor to ceiling in electronic contraptions; a luxurious chair in front of an oversized monitor with a massive table-sized keyboard sticking out in front of it. Sitting in the chair with his arms outstretched over the keyboard and fingers relentlessly striking the keys in a melodramatic coordination was what I wanted to say was a  _man_ , but I honestly had no clue anymore. This place was so out there I had to access myself mentally to make sure this wasn't actually some type of hallucinogen I was under reign of. The man—or thing—didn't even give us the time of day for a passing glance; he kept the eyes centered on his horned head affixed to the pop-ups that appeared on every inch of the monitor.

The man led us to the only other furniture in the room—two completely out of place couches with a chabudai positioned in between them. Toushirou motioned me toward them, and I hesitantly took a seat; mentally making myself smaller under the pressure of the unknown obscene science all around me and the psychopath looking zombie in the computer chair. I watched Toushirou's back as he walked; carefully focusing on the kanji of his haori in case cameras were secretly watching me—or the guy in the seat had literal eyes on the back of his head.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Hitsugaya-Taichou? You've brought ill-mannered company with you—are you expecting my assistance for your politest of acquaintances?"

At his arrogant—yet  _I guess_ true—accusation of me, I rose to my feet and cordially bowed.

"Kurotsuchi-Taichou, this is Kiteyama Akinoyo," Toushirou introduced.

"The obvious seemed to escape me," Kurotsuchi sarcastically spat back.

Kami, please hold me back; the back of my ring hand is seething in immense yearning to backhand this fucker in the face.

"A pleasure to meet you, Kurotsuchi-Taichou," I sounded as formally as physically possible.

"I know you're busy Kurotsuchi-Taichou, however I have more evidence for her case for you. Were you able to decipher the previous evidence?" Toushirou continued; ignoring the apparent annoyance.

"You doubt my ability, Hitsugaya-Taichou? Of course I've already deciphered the Latin paragraph; something like that is mere child's play to me." He scoffed.

I was boiling at this point. The sass of this fucker was absolutely astonishing. I knew that on my own time I was a bit of an asshole myself, but this guy took the fucking cake. Why wasn't Toushirou fuming like I was? He seriously was okay with this pompous bastard?

"I have no doubts, Kurotsuchi-Taichou, however, I know that you always have several projects going on at once, so I left it open for execution time." Hitsugaya politely, and  _professionally_ responded—if I had half his tact, I'd be going places one day.

"Nemuri Hachigou!" He snapped his fingers.

Within seconds, stomping from the behind the door across the room sounded. The door slammed open with the slide, and a small girl quickly made her way—almost slipping, mind you—to Kurotsuchi.

"Hai, Mayuri-Sama!" she quickly straightened her posture in front of the black and white checkered man.

I couldn't see his facial expression, but I didn't need to in order to sense the frustration the little girl's entrance caused him.

"Get the evidence for Kiteyama Akinoyo immediately, and give it to Hitsugaya-Taichou." He ordered.

"Hai!" she saluted.

She cleared across the room in a quick bout, and climbed up some sci-fi machinery to get to the metal shelf she couldn't reach. She swiped a sealed plastic bag, then raced back to hand it to Toushirou.

"In that bag, I've included a digital recording of the phrase in both Latin and Japanese. There's also a print out of the translation written in simplistic hiragana rather than sophisticated Kanji; I heard that she was locked away in a room for years—who knows just how far her illiteracy goes."

Toushirou completely cut me off before I ripped that fucker a new asshole. "Thank you for the results, Kurotsuchi-Taichou. We found more evidence that appears to be written in the same language." He took the book out of his haori pocket, and held it to the young girl. "Please take a moment to translate it for us—it was found amongst Kiteyama's prior possessions. It is pertinent to the case that we get the translation as soon as possible."

"So you and Ise-Fukutaichou keep reminding me." He snapped his fingers, and Nemuri took the book immediately.

She bowed cordially to Toushirou, then to me, and immediately vacated the room in the same fashion she'd entered.

"The only thing you're right about are the several projects I'm currently working on. I'll send someone with the translation soon enough." He stood up from his chair, and took some type of weird object and put it in his pocket. "Now if you wouldn't mind taking your leave—I've business to attend to."

"Thank you, Kurotsuchi-Taichou," Toushirou nodded.

Although it was against my religion to bow to this fucking baffoon; I had to remember my place. "Thank you, Kurotsuchi-Taichou; you're assistance is very much appreciated."

No response, just an intense stare back at me—I averted my eyes so that my frustration wouldn't take over. Toushirou turned as a signal to leave, and as I followed suit, the man's sinister voice stopped me mid-step.

"Not you, Kiteyama-san; you need to return the favor for my services."

I turned around and met the piercing—which I now assumed was normal—gaze of the zebra striped man. My eye cocked without consent. "You're correct; I do owe for the assistance. I have an active banking account now—how much will it be?"

"You think monetary reimbursement to someone who clearly would make more than you really matters? Please, I know you've lost your memory, but try to utilize common sense—it comes from a different section of your brain."

"Well then, what would  _suffice_ for someone as  _magnificent_  as yourself? Please,  _enlighten_ me."

Toushirou took a step forward in his own way of telling me to back down, but I had just about fucking had it with this guy. I was  _done_ dealing with his fucking sass; I know that the guy was literally the only one able to do this favor, so I was still being civil by showing barely-passable respect, but that didn't mean I couldn't be a smart-ass right back at him.

"I'm sure you haven't thought this over very much, however, have you ever considered the possibility that your capture wasn't a random occurrence? Aside from the obviously planned attack, have you considered the possibility that he wanted  _you_ specifically? Although Hitsugaya-Taichou and the other baffoons were successful in re-capturing you, that does not imply that your enemy is unintelligent or ' _sloppy'_ as you may phrase it. I'm a man of research, and believe in the infinite possibilities of every situation. This possibility happens to outweigh the others, and since that is the case, there is only one thing left to do."

He passed the two of us and to the wall adjacent to Toushirou; taping the wall rhythmically with his index finger before he stepped back. In mere seconds, the portion of the wall slid open to reveal a hidden room.

"This way; hurry up."

I silently huffed my way over there with Toushirou close behind, and stopped at the entrance of the room.

It took literally less than one millisecond to realize what this was, and it literally zapped all my fury instantly.

This was an operation room.

"Nemuri Hachigou! Bring my new anesthetic!"

Okay. No. I couldn't do this. Th-this was too much like—

My face paled and I stood there staring while my mind underwent a complete shut-down. Toushirou stepped partially in front of me; shielding my eyes from the display of the slender silver instruments spread precisely atop the side cabinet. I could already hear the handsaw whirring in my mind.

"Kurotsuchi-Taichou, unfortunately we haven't the time for a full procedure; Kiteyama and I have other business to attend to." Toushirou spoke for me—I glanced up at him in a mental daze as he continued. "However, you may perform a quick reiatsu scan if you'd like,"

Kurosutchi cut him off with a scoff. "I swear, all of you have that insatiable itch to get torn apart in battle, yet cower worse than mice when it comes to doing it for  _an actual cause._ You lot disgust me." He sat in his padded, wheeled stool, and looked up at me. "Fine; we'll hold off on the full experimentation and testing. Sit down on the table, Kiteyama-san." He ordered.

I didn't want to comply at all because of the re-surfaced anxiety that threatened to escape through my vocal cords, but with my earlier words of self-loathing before our arrival, I felt as if I had no choice. I sauntered over and sat down on the table. He said he wasn't going to do a full investigation; m-m-maybe he just wanted to look at me?

He turned around and took a needle with an attached vile, and without warning seized my arm and punctured into my vein roughly. When I squirmed and yelped out of reaction and overwhelming memories flooding my every thought, he chuckled.

"Please continue—it will only make things worse for you,"

I stiffened up at his yellow-toothed grin, and grit my teeth while my fingers and toes clenched in my best effort at reconciling myself. It was just a sample _. I-It was_   _just a sample._

He momentarily paused the extraction of my sangria-colored blood, and twisted out the vile to switch it for a new one. Nemuri was back, taking the extracted vile and placing it into a sanitary bag while awaiting the other vile. He took out the needle, and luckily had the decency to stick a small bandage over the puncture before I seized my arm back.

"You can leave now—I prefer to work when the materials are still fresh." He turned around to hunch over the table; turning on the light and shoving the blood tube into some type of weird contraption.

"Thank you, Kurotsuchi-Taichou," I bowed quickly and immediately vacated with Toushirou close behind.

Once we were guided out of the main facility and to the fresh air of the outside world, I kept my pace and left Toushirou in the dust behind me.

"Oi," he called, but I couldn't stop.

I kept progressing forward with zero idea of where I was even going. It was now absolutely clear—I was scared to death of anything depicting the operation table from that day. The thing that I couldn't convince myself of at that moment was the fact that I  _wasn't_ on that table. I was outside with Toushirou; the cool air in my face, the sun shining through the clouds above me, the freedom to move my arms and legs still mine. I knew I was okay, and that it wasn't happening, but all effort to control myself went to shit after that needle was shoved into me.

The seizure of my wrist prevented me from taking another step. I inhaled deeply; he didn't have to even ask—I already knew what he wanted. I took another few breaths to make sure that I was able to communicate before I even attempted to formulate coherent sentences.

"I'mfine; I j-just want to walk."

Without letting go of my wrist, he stepped toward me to close the gap between us—mere centimeters separating us. "It's okay to  _not_  be fine," he replied.

"I just d-don't want to talk about it." My fists clenched.

"I'm not here to force you to; I'm here to reassure you that I'm here—it's okay. If you wou—"

My bubbling emotions encouraged me to cave. I leaned back into him; his hands reflexively catching me as my shoulders settled against his chest.

"C-Cant you see I'm trying to not be a crybaby? You're making it difficult with those subtle, yet meaningful words you keep tempting me with," I put my face in my palms and shivered as I took another breath to stifle myself. "And what have I done to return the favor aside from developing an unhealthy reliance on those words?"

" _Trust_ —trust is the word you meant to say; it's what you've finally begun to develop, and there's nothing unhealthy about it," he placed one of his hands gently over my left wrist; his fingers curling over as they pressed into the tender skin covering my veins. "You've done more for me than you realize, Akinoyo; even though returning the favor isn't of importance to me."

His hand on me tugged down on my wrist gently; encouraging me to lower my hands off my face. "What's important to me, is your comfort and trust in me and more importantly  _yourself_ ; I want you to feel safe when you're with me, and I want you to take a chance to do what you've never had the opportunity to— _being yourself._ "

" _ **Well, now that you're here, you'll finally have the opportunity to figure things out, and let good-willed people mold you into the person you yourself**_ **want** _ **to be."**_

My eyes shot open from the new certainty that made itself perfectly clear from the memory of Abarai-Taichou's words, and the end of Toushirou's sentence. I couldn't say it aloud yet, but my mind kept screaming and shouting it over and over again—I had  _serious feelings_  for Toushirou. There were no more questions about it; no more uncertainty and confusion; I was locked in, and there was no escaping this no matter how against it I was.

I lowered my hands, and placed my right hand over his that still lingered on my wrist. The feel of his smooth skin under my fingertips paired with the warmth of his chest against me made my insides churn already, but now with this revelation it sent the feeling straight into overdrive. I exhaled; making sure that my words didn't sound as shaky as my internal workings were. "Thank you, Toushirou—that means a lot to me," I let go of him, and turned around to look up at him.

He stared down into me, and I concentrated with all my might to not waver in my gaze back even though cowering sounded heavenly. "However, you know I'm a woman of equivalent exchange; I know you said that you're benefiting from comforting me in my sick reality—which is weird because I'm weird and a huge asshole of a person but I won't ask—even so though, it would make me happy if you'd let  _me_  help  _you_  in some way. Even if it's something miniscule at first,"

We stared into each other in silence. I wanted to be the winner of this staring contest so I could for once prove the resolve in my own words, but I'd forgotten the most difficult part of this battle before jumping into it—I was up against a literal Ice King. Even though lately he's been acting warmer than usual, it didn't mean he couldn't exude that cold behavior of his faster than two shakes.

I formed my lips into a hard line, and struggled to stifle a gulp in my effort of puffed-up bravado. He didn't back down, and he didn't look fazed at all; he held his towering ground above me without breaking a sweat—Hell, he looked like he could go  _all day._ Kami, this was so damn easy for me  _before;_ these damn feelings made everything so damn difficult.

A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, and his eyes softened. He placed his hand atop my head briefly, and I audibly gulped from the contact.

"You can smile more—that would be a good start." He took his hand back, and put both of them in his pockets as he strode past me. "Smirking at your own wordplay doesn't count either," he said as he left me standing there in confusion.

After yet another deep breath, I turned and followed after him.

"That doesn't sound like it's helping at all," I muttered from behind him.

"Come now, what happened to all that determination just now?"

"Yeah—I guess." I grumbled.

Of all things to have me do—smiling? Aside from the tickling flutters within me, it overall was such a ridiculous request. It wasn't what I had in mind, but I  _guess_  it was a start.


	15. Chapter 15

"What in Kami's name  _is_  this thing?" I scrutinized the 'device' Kurotsuchi provided my  _incompetent_  ass.

It looked like some type of weird gumball with two legs, and all around looked like some type of children's collectible. After twirling it a few more times for a better visual, I set it to the side, and took out the original key and the computer printed translation in the bag.

Toushirou sat next to me along with Rangiku behind us; both patiently waiting for me to read the translation. Right as I was about to read it, the object—that I  _thought_ was an object—Kurosutchi included jumped up and stood on both feet on the small table in front of us.

"What the Hell?" I flinched.

"Kurosutchi-Taichou always has neat little contraptions!" Rangiku giggled—was this type of thing normal around here or something? I stifled my gasp as the thing looked up at us blinking. The mouth I couldn't even see underneath it's huge eyeball opened far wider than expected; like that weird yellow character about to eat a ghost from that one arcade game I'd seen not too long ago.

"Commencing: original dialect," it spoke without moving its mouth.

I quickly grabbed the key tag and held it for all of us to follow along with.

" **Emittam furorem! ne Discoperiet inplicuisse iuVat, claustra debilitare tUum, et Observa te quAeso fatiscit. seRvite ad te iN lucem mundi; et aDincrescant ignorantiae Meae voluntstis, coccoque bis tincto, et festum primitiarum meis."**

Toushirou and I glanced at each other in confusion.

"Commencing: Japanese translation,"

I took the translation paper quickly.

" **Unleash! Let the noose loosen, your barriers weaken, and your guard crumble. Serve your purpose in this world of light; succumb to my will, and feast on my scarlet offering."**

The creature closed its mouth, and blinked up at us. "Commencement complete." It shut it's huge eye and retracted it's legs so it was literal body and feet.

I leaned back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. This just kept getting better and better. What the Hell did that even mean?

"That sounded like a kidou to me—what about you, Taichou?"

"It did, but it isn't any of the ones that are standard Shinigami issue. Even so, it sounds as if it's more of an exchange than anything else," Toushirou replied.

"An exchange for what though? That literally doesn't compute  _at all_. Why would that have anything to do with me?" I sat up and shifted my leg in a more comfortable position. "I have absolutely zero to offer or  _exchange_ with anyone; the most I can offer is snide commentary and—more unfortunately—sexual favors. Both of which don't amount to very much other than disappointment."

"Not true, Akinoyo-chan; there's more to you than that—don't be so harsh on yourself. This must have more to it than the blatantly obvious." Rangiku mothered me.

"For now, the only thing we can take from this is that it may be some sort of incantation. Until we get that book back, I don't think it's wise to leap to conclusions." Toushirou crossed his arms.

"Yeah, I guess so." I crossed my own arms in thought.

Toushirou rose from his seat next to me and went over to his desk; the wooden chair creaking slightly as he sat. I assumed he'd picked up a pen and got back to filling out his paperwork; the scratching of a pen reaffirming my thoughts mere seconds after.

"So what are your plans today, Taichou? Do you have any meetings or anything on the schedule?" Rangiku wandered over to his desk.

"I have a few appointments today, along with a few paperwork deadlines for today and tomorrow." The pen scratching halted, and if I had to take a guess, he was about to scrutinize Rangiku.

"I have more than my usual stack since that Fukutaichou of mine has been slacking,"

"Aww come on, Taichou! You act like it's really  _that_ bad." She retorted.

I took the translation and the key tag in my hand, and made my way toward the exit of the room. "I'm gonna step out for a smoke; I'll be on the porch," I told them; making eye contact with Toushirou.

"Would you like one of us to go with you?" he asked.

The porch literally wasn't more than a few steps away, but I knew why he was asking. Lately with me it's just been one meltdown after the other. Not even an hour ago I was freaking out because of Kurotsuchi's horror-movie behavior, and combined with what happened last night, I was quick to just stepping off the edge.

"Nah, I'm good—thanks for the offer. I'll be back in 10," I smiled lightly before excusing myself out of the room.

I walked out and to the left; the open porch quickly reached without even a minute passing. I walked to the corner where I stashed my ashtray, and sat down with one leg dangling and my back against the side wall. I set the translation and key on the floor beside me while I took out my tiny tin of tobacco along with my kiseru. I packed the bowl with a sufficient amount, then struck a match to light the dead leaves I was itching to inhale.

The first drag I always aimed to take in silence; as if it were the most peaceful and calming thing in the universe that was a necessity in order for the rest of the smoke to make a difference. After the first drag was when I'd allow my mind to drift elsewhere; whether it was about the current situation, or some other obscure thought that tickled my fancy.

I picked up the translation with my right as the metal mouthpiece of my kiseru tapped against the corner of my mouth. I slowly read it in an effort to really try to take it in; I wanted to be sure that I wasn't missing something that should have been apparent the first time. Nothing that shot up any red flags. The more I read it, the more Toushirou's take on it made sense. It seemed like some sort of trade off for something, but it just didn't make sense in the least. I tried to break down the words bit by bit, and really take it in; 'my scarlet offering' for some reason stuck out to me more than anything else. Whenever I thought of scarlet, the number one thing that popped into my head was blood. It was always  _blood…_

I stared down at my palm; remembering again the recent episode of when I descended down a few more steps to Hell. To be honest, Toushirou and Rangiku were the only two really keeping me from further delving down into it; without them as a distraction, just who knows how far gone I'd be mentally. Without Toushirou  _specifically_ ; I think I would've drowned a long time ago. The thought of actual drowning made me shiver unintentionally. I thought of the day I met Miyuki; my own scarlet covered day that trickles into my mental images every so often. The only good thing about that day was her; the rest of it was mental-asylum insanity that made me want to curl in a ball and scream.

Trying to focus on something not doused in liquefied scarlet, my mind quickly jumped back to the thought of drowning. I remembered that murky water in my zanpakutou's inner world; how I felt when she banished me and I plummeted straight down like a rock— _speaking of which_.

It was the perfect—and also actual task I needed to take care of—fill-in from visualizing my own demise. After another puff, I put away the translation in my pocket, and slid out the zanpakutou positioned snuggly on the small of my back.

I set her on my lap, studying and committing to memory her form. That same juniper color from the over-the-shoulder obi covered the hilt; the fine braid taut around the handle without any signs of wear. The guard itself was a dark golden color, diamond in shape, and with intricately carved lines that ran pointed, and symmetrically throughout it. The lines reminded me of brush strokes almost, however the deep engraving was too much for something that required a light hand.

I stuck the kiseru in my mouth momentarily, and used both hands to pull her out partially from her scabbard. I settled her in between my legs as I took my kiseru out with my right hand. A sudden headache hit me right between the eyes as I stared into her silver blade; my own partial reflection looking back at me. I pinched the niche of my nose in an effort to eradicate the headache along with the embarrassing feeling about the action I was about to ensue.

This was going to be  _so_ weird. But, Toushirou said this is what they all do—right? The thought seemed absolutely comical; like a kid coming up with an imaginary friend or befriending an inanimate object. I'd heard a patron at the diner refer to his car as a 'she' once, and had a good barking laugh about the stupidity of it when I snuck to the back. Now here I was, about to do the same thing with an object probably stained with several thousands souls. I didn't know whether I should feel proud of my prior self, or be intimidated by my inner-entity that assisted. I took another drag, let it linger in my throat, and exhaled slowly. Here goes nothing.

"Uhh…hello?" I prompted.

I waited a few seconds—nothing. Maybe I had to take her completely out of her scabbard? I did so; crossing in my legs beneath me so she rested on each thigh.

"Let's try this again—can you hear me?"

Nothing. I pursed my lips before taking another drag.

"Are you there?" I exhaled.

Nothing. Well, she  _was_  pretty bitter toward me—maybe she didn't  _want_  to talk to me?

"Look, whether you're giving me the silent treatment or not; I'm gonna say this. I don't know what happened between us, but I want to at least try to make amends with you. If what I've been told is true, then that means you and I are technically one although partially separate—which means you're stuck with me whether you like it or not. I mean, I sure as Hell wouldn't want to be stuck with me either—I get it—so sorry for the unfortunate situation you're in, but it doesn't mean that we can't try to make it  _somewhat_  pleasant." I paused.

I stared intently down at my full reflection awaiting for some type of reaction—nothing again.

I exhaled and shook my head; rubbing my temple as the headache spread through the rest of my frontal lobe. Well, that was a waste of time. She probably couldn't even hear me, and I wasted valuable alone time—which I now was unlikely to get often. Maybe there was some type of code-word that I was supposed to use to talk to her; I'd never actually asked how shinigami contact zanpakutou—I only know about the vice-versa. I'd have to ask Toushirou later about it; he was a Taichou after all—he  _should_ know and be able to teach.

I looked back down at my zanpakutou one last time, then took her scabbard and sheathed her. I stretched out before shifting my legs behind and beneath me to balance on my knees. Biting down on my kiseru, I entwined her through my obi; taking the time to really memorize the feel of it so that I'd do it faster next time. These days I felt like I was always being thrown into a situation where I had to move quickly; I needed to start actually getting this shit down to a science—my execution time was getting to be such a pain in the ass. After making sure it fit snug, I quickly ashed out my kiseru before making my way back to the office.

Well, Attempt One: Failure. I couldn't say I wasn't slightly disappointed about it; I was so anxious to make progress that it made my cranium ache worse from the tear at my own pride. Truth be told; I abhorred the fact that I was so reliant on everyone here. Not even just with what happened last night; the fact that everyone here's working so diligently to make sure I'm safeguarded and protected while I'm unable to do anything makes me sick to my stomach. While I'm grateful every time someone does something for me, I can't help the internal cringe and the knife shanking rigorously at my pride each time.

Sure; I'm not the most powerful bad-ass of the century or anything when it came to defending myself the last five years, but at least after Miyuki I learned how to be self-sufficient. I relied on no one other than myself, and dealt with everything on my own. Yeah I've been treated mercilessly, and honestly accepted that as my fate, but the fact is that I'm still here— _I survived._ I knew the situation was far more complicated and dangerous than ever before, but the thought that I  _currently_ couldn't meet the demand as I've always had in the past literally has emotionally crushed me.

I was so weak now it was sad; no, not sad,  _disgusting._ The only opportunity to redeem myself, and my only saving grace at this point, was the weapon on my back. I may not end up being the strongest female ever, but at least it gives me a damn good chance at solo survival—not to mention a huge self-esteem boost that I'm in desperate need of.

If only I could get her to communicate with me. If only there was short cut to—

"And how long will she be gone?" Toushirou's words from within his office interrupted my internal rambling.

"Unfortunately Abarai-Taichou did not specify; my apologies Hitsugaya-Taichou," a foreign voice replied.

The door was completely opened—which is rare because Toushirou always keeps it shut even with messengers—and I could hear the couch cushion exude air with what I assumed was Rangiku getting comfortable. I proceeded forward and toward the opening; whatever was going on shouldn't stop me in my path—that'd make it seem as if I were ear-hustling and I didn't want to give that impression.

"I see," Toushirou responded to him as I walked in and around the man.

The man was of course in standard Shinigami apparel; middle-aged with black hair tied back in a high-bun. He zeroed in on me upon my entrance, and be bowed respectfully with a warm smile on his droopy features. I nodded back, and as I was about to take a seat back next to Rangiku, Toushirou interrupted.

"Kiteyama, Abarai-Taichou has sent for you. She says there's a topic that she must discuss with you, and to proceed to her barracks immediately."

I cocked an eye. She said that she really didn't have anything else for me when I was with her earlier—I guess she remembered something? I could've sworn she said she was busy this afternoon.

"Okay, that's fine—it's not like I have to check my schedule or anything," I shrugged.

"Wonderful; I'll escort you back to our barracks, Kiteyama-Sama," the man replied.

"There's no need—I will escort her." Toushirou promptly cut in.

"No, Hitsugaya-Taichou; it's fine. I know you have things to do today; I'll just go with him since he's going that way regardless." I interjected before the man's reply.

Toushirou once against stared into me to assess the situation. I could tell that he wasn't too fond of the idea since I'd just gotten over another episode earlier, but he needed to understand that I couldn't be attached to his hip—even though it sounded nice—at all times. Aside from that, this guy was from Squad 13; it's not like he wasn't on our side. On top of that, I'd been escorted earlier from Squad 13 by some random shinigami, so it shouldn't really be that big of a deal.

He crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair; those eyes not flickering away from me for even a second. I attempted a weak smile, and I knew that even with it, his uncomfortable aura wouldn't dissipate.

"Okay. I'll be by in an hour if you're not back by that time." He turned to the messenger, and nodded at him to give the okay. "Please inform Abarai-Taichou of that."

"Hai, Hitsugaya-Taichou; thank you." He bowed. He looked over at me and smiled, ushering me to exit first as the usual manner would have him.

"See you guys in a bit," I lazily threw up a hand.

"Bye bye, Akinoyo-chan!" Rangiku replied.

I stole one last glance at Toushirou; he nodded as his goodbye, and I winked at him to keep up my usual sarcastic and playful façade.

-x-x-

I needed to talk to Toushirou about learning how to flash-step—this walk was taking forever, and my headache was only getting worse. I'd gotten so used to him carrying me around to get us there in a  _flash_ that this snail's pace was killing me. I was going to bitch about it earlier when I was last escorted, but it slipped my mind because of the excitement of opening up my belongings.

As much as I didn't like it at all, I suppose the soft breeze was nice compared to the whiplash I'd grown accustomed to. I looked up at the sky; a thick blanket of grey clouds creeping steadily toward the descending sun and causing a shadow down on the land. It looked like maybe there'd be some rain and possibly even snow in our near future; bundling up in blankets with hot tea actually sounded nice.

I studied the back of the man leading me back toward Squad 13's barracks; he had hardly said anything to me this whole time. The other one that escorted me earlier at least attempted standard shoot-the-shit conversation; this one seemed like the nice, overly respectful type. It honestly made me want to cringe. As much as I didn't really want to converse either, I might just work with him frequently in the future—ensue the awkward.

"Looks like we might have some rain headed our way," I prompted.

I could see his body move fractionally out of the rhythm he'd been in at the intake of my words, and watched as he slowed his pace to look back at me.

"I do believe you're correct, Kiteyama-Sama; the clouds do look rather dark today," he responded. "Perhaps this evening we'll be blessed with fresh powder," he smiled.

"You might just be right," I replied; following alongside his flank.

Out of my periphery, I caught him observing  _my_ movement this time. He had that smile on his face from earlier as he studied me, and I didn't quite know how to feel about it. People that have that type of façade make me uncomfortable; that stiff culture Abarai-Taichou and I talked about earlier was partially the same, except this guy was at the bottom end of the totem-pole looking up. I didn't understand how Abarai-Taichou was able to do it; the way this guy was acting is something I definitely would never be able to accomplish.

We walked in silence for a good while after that, and I tried to keep my focus forward so that any accidental eye contact could be avoided. It had been well over 40 minutes now of walking, and to be honest I had no idea where we even were. The escort from earlier took me through a different route, and it only took 20 minutes or so before we made it back to Squad 10. I knew everyone had their own routes, but just how in the Hell was this a good one?

I rubbed my temples with a soft exhale; closing my eyes as I continued to walk forward. This headache was beginning to ware on me—maybe they'd advanced to pharmaceutical relief? My kiseru itself had me wondering.

"Does your head ache, Kiteyama-Sama?" The man surprised me; he'd stepped closer to me while my eyes were closed.

"Uh, yeah, I have a headache unfortunately," I continued massaging my temples in circles.

"That's unfortunate to hear—may I ask if it's from that cut on your forehead?"

Huh. I didn't think anyone could really see it since my hair covered most of it.

"Oh, no it's not from that," I replied.

"I see," he replied contemplatively.

I dropped my hands back down to my sides to replace the cocking of my brow at his emphasized statement. It was just a headache for Kami's sake—what was there to wonder about?

"May I ask if it's from last evening?"

My brain temporarily halted at his question. I continued forward to not display the disarray he initiated in me—how the Hell did he know about that? I thought we were keeping this whole thing under wraps? Did Abarai-Taichou tell him what happened?

I made sure my response was fluid enough to not come off suspicious. "I don't think so; it's more than likely just a random headache."

"That's unfortunate to hear,"

Both my arms were seized faster than I could even blink. He stood behind me; his mouth beside my ear as a laugh rumbled deep in his throat.

"That just means I need to do a better job,"

The side of his palm met with the back of my neck, and the stars shooting through my vision ensued the shaky-blur phase of passing out. Within that instant while I reacted to the blow, my arms became pressed into my body with no room for movement. I was completely restrained from my waist to my neck. He'd picked me up effortlessly at the point his restrain was in full effect, and took to the air.

As my world spun and my stomach leapt from the sudden movement; I knew that I had to move. I had to struggle; I wasn't going to get captured again without a fight.

I thrashed around in his arms like a worm attempting escape from a bird's beak; I couldn't move my arms, but that didn't mean I couldn't kick or slam myself against him.

"You honestly think that will work?" he cackled.

I went in for it without hesitation—I lurched forward and bit as hard as I could at his shoulder. During his loud hiss of pain, his grip loosened by default, and I rolled my way out of his grasp mid air. I plummeted down with gravity's intense pull; face down and ready to belly flop straight into my concrete demise below. I'd hoped to at least go with a little more grace than this, however, as long as I wasn't in enemy hands  _alive_ , I guess anything would have to suffice.

I watched the distance between myself and the ground shorten, the tears from the sudden panic of the situation finally escaping my dry eyes in a necessary form of release.

Mere meters before impact, I was caught mid-air; my late afternoon flesh snack colliding into me and barrel-rolling forward with me loosely in his grasp. During the tumble his hold on me faltered, and I took the opportunity to weasel my way out of his grasp.

As soon as I came to a dead stop, I rolled over onto my back, and used my momentum to lurch my torso up to a sitting position; successfully able to shift my legs to crouch. He was already on his feet by the time I'd maneuvered into the crouch, and he was headed straight for me. I did the only thing I could think of in the split second; I somersaulted forward at him. If I could at least get him down again, I'd have a better chance at running away.

He evaded the weak attempted attack, and took the opportunity to kick the side of my head once my motion was complete. I skid across the concrete like a skipping rock across a lake; hopping and eventually admitting defeat after the loss of momentum.

Head pounding, vision clouded, and hearing static, I tried to think of my way out of this. His steps sounding ruptured through the static, and the vibrations of it intensified the pulsation from where his shin met my skull. I had to do something. There had to be a way out of this.

I could sense him towering over me, and I knew that now it was already too late. Not even a day has passed, and I'm already in the same situation  _again._ Incapacitated, weak, and hopeless.

He said something to me, but the pounding now was the only thing that I could hear. He pushed me onto my back, and gripped my kosode as he yanked me up to him. The pain in my head was too much, and my eyes closed without my consent.

In that moment, I felt a presence between the two of us. A dangerous, and furious aura seeping into the small space between him and I. The presence made my eyes shoot open skyward; blinding white light the only thing I could see.

As the sound of the world faded around me, one voice made itself known to me.

" _Now, let_ me  _try this again,"_

" _Can_ you  _hear_ me _?"_


	16. Chapter 16

" _You promised to always keep a listening ear for those who are voiceless,"_

The aura between the man and I flurried as the strangest feeling I'd ever known overwhelmed me. It was as if a wall of flame collided into me, and the fire seeped into my pores and made itself home within me. I had no idea just what in Kami's name was happening, and I couldn't figure out how to even begin to comprehend the feeling of something possessing me. All I could do was keep staring into that blinding white light; eyes and mouth agape, breathing shallow, and completely numb by the new entity within me.

" _Yet you've neglected to keep that promise. Not just to them, Akinoyo,"_

Air filled my lungs to capacity. My jaw snapped shut, and that light flicked to black like someone shut off the light switch.

" _But to_ me _,"_

Wait— _what?_

The blue sky met my eyes as I blinked. My head craned forward to the man spitting words at my face while shaking me by the grip on my kosode. The reiatsu within me exuded out of me as if a blacksmith utilized his bellows to stoke his fire; the energy gaining complete control of the immediate atmosphere around me. The man was pushed off me as a result, and as he caught his ground, my arms snapped through the invisible restraint holding me back; I rose to my feet, and stood tall with my full attention on the assailant in front of me.

The only thing about this was…

…it wasn't  _me_ staring at him.

My arm quickly took hold of my zanpakutou's hilt behind my right hip, and unsheathed the blade with zero difficulty.

"What's this? Where did the sudden bravado stem from? We both know you have no idea how to use that, dear," He unsheathed his own zanpakutou at his side and held it forward in preparation for a strike.

Before I could even question what was happening, the man charged at me; his zanpakutou above his head for a lethal, downward swing that I wouldn't be able to defend. I couldn't move my body to run; all it did was stand there with my zanpakutou held out defensively. Whatever this was that was happening wasn't good; my internal panic skyrocketed out of control, and I couldn't even do anything about it.

This man was going to lop my limbs off and take me by force. All I was doing was standing there waiting to be his victim. What the fuck was going on here? Why couldn't I control myself? Had I finally slipped into insanity and this zombified state was the end result? The feeble attempt of taking out the zanpakutou I hadn't the first clue in how to use, and then standing there waiting for him to slaughter me like a helpless animal? Just what kind of sick joke was my uncontrollable body trying to pull?

" _The difference between you and I,"_

My arm rose; the zanpakutou I held with my right hand positioned in front of my chest horizontally. The man took to the air, and gravity had him falling down toward me like a guillotine. It wouldn't be more than five seconds before I was done for.

" _Is that I don't break my promises,"_

My left hand met my right, and in a blink slid against the dull side of the blade back to the tip.

" _This will hurt, Akinoyo. Consider it payment for my services,"_

The control was all her—this was all  _her_  making poor decisions  _in my body_. Not only was the entire situation nerve-wracking as it was, but the fact that I literally had  _no choice_ in what was about to happen completely terrified me.

The fire she stoked within me raged instantly; my skin burning as she exuded the energy.

" _Howl!"_

The blade disappeared; two forearm-sized blades with golden brass-knuckles as part of the hilt left in each hand.

Both blades rose to parry the man's attack. I could feel my mouth form a smirk up at the man as my crossed armed position caught his zanpakutou—his face intrigued at my action. I pushed him off, and stood at the ready for his next attack.

"You think just because you can use your zanpakutou that it will be the deciding factor in this bout? You're sadly mistaken, Kiteyama Akinoyo!" He rose two fingers, and for the first time, a pump of energy—no,  _reiatsu—_ radiated from him that even  _I_ felt.

Purple tendrils came from his fingers straight at me; the feeling malicious and all around predatory.

" _Move!"_ I screeched.

A snide chuckle rumbled in my chest at my screech only the two of us heard.

She side-stepped me in a graceful twirl away from the hungry tentacles, and within moments I was in front of the unnamed man; swiping inward with the blade held in my right hand. He parried easily, to which my left came in for the kill. He flashed away from the finishing blow and I was quickly maneuvered into pulling the most acrobatic stunt I'd ever had in my entire life; she back-flipped me away from the lightening shot at me.

I landed in a crouched position, and the man wasted no time for me to regain my stance to assess him. He fired off countless shots at me, to which my possessed face grinned and dodged in a scattered formation along the pavement. My body moved so quickly—had I been able to do this even more effectively prior to this?

" _The naivety you repetitively display is insulting. You really think this is the extent of our power?"_ That elegant voice of superiority countered my thought.

In the meantime, she flashed me in from behind the man for another attempt at his neck; the man striking back with his zanpakutou and a defensive point-blank shot at my torso.

" _I didn't say that this was the_ extent _of_ our  _power; I'm merely questioning since this is my first time seeing it. You need to quit jumping to conclusions,"_ I retorted back.

An audible chuckle escaped my lips this time, as she defended against the combination slash-attack the man was executing.

" _This new audacity you possess is so revoltingl; what an arrogant, impudent leech you've become. Must you always bite the hand that feeds you?"_

" _When that hand constantly smacks me in the face with insults, yeah—you're damn fucking right I'll bite back. How do you expect respect when you don't give it?"_ I shot back at her.

"What's so funny, Kiteyama Akinoyo?" the man appeared from behind, and stabbed straight for my abdomen.

I didn't quite know where I was right now, but I mentally clenched and yelped from the action; waiting for the impending strike that would seal my fate. With all the banter back and forth between her and I, and the actions she displayed that complimented her words, I didn't think that she would lose—I didn't think  _we_ would lose. Kami, I was such a—

" _Coward."_

My mouth dropped. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

The man's blade phased through the right side of  _my_  abdomen; a translucent, wave-like blur replacing the section entirely. I grabbed the blade without hesitation with my left hand.

"You've underestimated me. Perhaps you'll be wiser in your next life,"

Without another moment to lose, my body twisted in a back slash straight with my right hand at his neck, and successfully lopped off his head.

If I had control of my hands, they'd be at my mouth; a weak attempt at fighting the strong yank on my uvula.

" _Y-Y-You…why d-did—"_

"I said  _he_ underestimated  _me;_  I never said that  _I_  underestimated  _him_. Try to listen more intently when others are speaking, Akinoyo," she responded aloud as she kicked his body away from us. "Be patient, and wait."

Okay, no. I wasn't about to be patient.  _She just used my body to kill someone without flinching._ What in the fuck was there to be patient about? The bloody fucking head on the pavement sure as fuck didn't make me just want to gingerly have a seat to sip some fucking tea! What were we going to do now? Yeah he tried to abduct me, but did that really—

" _Please, your internal banter only infuriates me more as the seconds pass. This isn't over, Akinoyo—he has not yet deceased."_

" _Oh, well pardon me for my apparent disarray from the visual of blood spurting out of the man's neck upon his decapitation in which you_ dutifully  _executed. As my common sense recalls, once the neck is severed and there is no longer a cranium attached to the rest of the body,_ that means you're fucking dead!  _What the fuck do you mean he's not dead? That's the biggest load of—"_

On cue to prove my—clearly logical—anatomic reasoning false, the body she kicked away began to convulse on the ground; the palms of his hands pushing himself back up.

" _Yet again, your lack of patience and observational skills are costly."_ She scowled at me.  _"Just stay quiet and let me handle this."_

As much as I wanted to just back hand the absolute fuck out of this snobby bitch of a zanpakutou, it wasn't like I had too much choice in the matter. She clearly knew more about the situation than I did—might as well let her have this one.

" _I'll adhere on two conditions."_ I bargained.  _"1. You interrogate this guy. 2. You let me work things out with you. Deal?"_

The head on the pavement began decaying as if a thousand years had passed in mere seconds; I watched as it shriveled, and looked back to the body thrashing about.

" _The second is a hard bargain,"_

She lifted my left hand, and slit the blade held by my right across the pad under my thumb on my palm. The blood immediately seeped out of the wound, and she used the two forefingers on my right hand to wipe it up.

" _However, the sweet sound of silence outweighs your ignorant chatter,"_

The man's body grew it's head back in one horrendously fast—not to mention nauseating—bulging excretion, and the mouth of the muscular sphere of peeking brains and teeth ripped open in a gasp for air.

" _We have an accord,"_ she smirked through my lips.

As the morphing creature inched toward me, she quickly shoved my left sleeve up to my elbow. With my own blood on my fingertips, the kanji for wood was drawn along my veins. True to my word, I zipped my lips, and continued to watch through my own eyes the scene about to unfold.

The man—missing only the skin on his face—cackled with such a sharp hack that had my head snap up at him. His partially lidded eyes looked up at me as his posture slowly and sporadically straightened.

"What happened to the defenseless, shrieking lamb from last night? The reports didn't mention bipolar behavior; the nature of your actions is truly intriguing to me, Kiteyama Akinoyo." He grinned through the half-regenerated strands of skin covering his gums.

"Your words confirm my assumption; you're the same assailant from last night."

Wait.

His grin widened as his hand pulled at the flesh on his cheek. "Tell me—which face would make your insides tremble? Perhaps of the one of the man you murdered?" his still developing skin began to change along with his facial structure—he was being serious; he could change to look like  _anyone_ he desired.

Oh Kami.  _No. I …_ I didn't want to see that man;  _I couldn't, I—_

"I will leave the decision of which face you want me to annihilate up to your discretion," She smirked.

In an instant, he charged at us with his zanpakutou. In a quick motion, I lowered my hands close to the ground, and—as if lifting an invisible, heavy force—brought them back up in a strained fashion. Through the concrete below, thick tree roots shot upward at the last moment.

" _Where in the—"_

The man crashed straight into them, and in a single hop, I was at the top of the branches; perched and peering down at the sinister shape-shifted man below. My left hand rose swiftly, and with a flick of my wrist, over half of the roots separated; squirming in the direction I pointed with my two forefingers.

The man met our height in the air, and as he attempted his next attack, my fingers swiped in his direction; the roots pummeling into him before he could execute the attack.

I was literally in awe at the whole scene. If I had control of my own jaw, it'd be agape from the mind-boggling maneuver she just had me execute.

" _At least you're impressed by something truly magnificent for once,"_ she told me internally.

With a graceful motion, she balanced on one foot, and let my body carry into her movements. I spun down counter-clockwise into the next attack, directing the now spiked—yet flaccid—wood at him. The wood tendrils complied, and flowed through the atmosphere down at the ground. He dodged the initial attack, and shot a few more lightening bolts at me. She quickly lurched me upright; fingers straight and flexing upward to direct a barricade of wood to shield the attack.

As the previously directed wood followed the man, my right fingers dipped into the open reservoir of blood on my palm, and transferred it to my right palm. My left forefingers took the smeared blood, and quickly drew the same kanji on my right wrist.

A wind far colder than the atmosphere made itself know at the ending stroke of the kanji; a violent collision and the sound of fragile, hollowed shards shattering against the pavement below snapping my focus back toward the main event.

"Akinoyo-chan!" Rangiku's voice sounded nearby.

Toushirou was now trailing the assailant below me; his speed so impeccable that within seconds he caught up to man and was mere seconds away from executing his first strike.

Without warning, she rose my hands fiercely upward; my face scrunched in focus as she pumped extra reiatsu into the movement. In a flash she launched me off our perch in a speed I never thought possible; heading straight for the two of them and passing Rangiku's approaching figure without even a glance.

Toushirou sliced through the tidal wave of wood she sent crashing down on him, and with his delay and shout for my halt, my eyes briefly met his in warning. I quickly passed him after the affirmative eye contact, and closed in on the fleeing assailant.

As I ran, both hands with pointed forefingers were pulled forward before me, and the wood fell into flank on both sides. My left hand directed the wood on my left to proceed faster than my feet toward the man. He dodged in a calculated, yet scattered formation, and as I directed the wood to counter his movements, my body took other counter-active measures. The wood enclosed in on him, and I infiltrated through the only opening I left to go in for the execution.

His reiatsu flared visibly around him—a graphite aura that sent waves to stop my flash toward him. I pierced through it like a bullet through a paper target, and twirled into a right-hand dominant slash attack.

He guarded, and as the attack was about to land, a distraction had both our heads snap to meet the interference.

"Akinoyo!" Toushirou shouted as he closed in faster than anticipated.

Unprepared for the quick appearance, the trick that saved my ass earlier didn't save me this time. In an instant, his reiatsu powered, pointed hand stabbed into my abdomen like a spade. I coughed up scarlet as the man spat his words.

"Consider yourself lucky, Kiteyama Akinoyo,"

I rose my head to peer into him; my eyes fierce and unwavering through the immense pain in my abdomen.

"You will come back to us whether you want to or not; however many of your shinigami companions you wish to sacrifice is up to you—they won't be around for much longer regardless," he grinned maliciously.

"This notion you have of your escape is comical," the serious expression worn turned to a mischievous grin. "You're precisely where I want you,"

With a quick finger maneuver, she flipped the blade and gripped by the outer finger-holed handle meant for metal hand-to-hand combat; the sharp ridges pierced into my palm, but all in the effort for the sharp end of the blade to face inward for the finishing blow. Once the position was met in the faster time-span than the blink if an eye, the point of the blade pierced through his cheek and up through the rest of his skull.

While I internally shrieked at the sight, my unfazed zanpakutou sliced clean out through his face. The urge to throw up was too real at the  _delicious eye candy_ she graciously bestowed me. Yet another disturbing image to decorate the wall of my actual operating memory bank.

"Akinoyo-chan!" Rangiku called with sheer urgency as the two of them approached.

I yanked the man's hand from my gut, and kicked him several yards away before turning to my two al—

"Stay back, Hitsugaya Toushirou and Matsumoto Rangiku." She threatened.

…my two… _not allies?_ What the fuck was she doing?

Toushirou and Rangiku stopped in their tracks at the tone of voice; Toushirou inspecting me warily. "Akinoyo, what happened?"

"Exactly what your eyes have witnessed; the prey has become the predator." She answered.

Just what in the Hell was she—

The corpse began squirming to life yet again; hands scrambling and scratching around the pavement as his face redeveloped.

"Taichou!" Rangiku alerted.

Toushirou stepped forward with his own zanpakutou ready to finish the job; she stepped me in front of him with our own blade pointed at him.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Hitsugaya Toushirou," She threatened.

At my reaction, he stared deeply into my eyes, the glaze in his own changing—betrayal perhaps? I wouldn't doubt it with what this bitch of a zanpakutou of mine was fucking pulling.

" _What do you think you're doing? He's here to help us!"_

"You're not Akinoyo—that much is clear. Who are you, and what have you done to her?" Toushirou pointed his zanpakutou at me.

Screaming came from the man, and we all knew that our limit was almost up.

"There's the sharp wit of yours; I knew you would figure it out quickly. However, now isn't the time for your questions. To show my gratitude for prior assistance, I'll repeat myself one last time:  _stay_   _back_. Take one step closer, and I will show no mercy to you or your Fukutaichou."

I didn't even have to see it to know that the man was almost to his feet; mere moments away from pouncing on me like a starving jaguar. Whatever she was trying to prove, she needed to knock it off and get her head back in the game.

"You're injured; you need to stay back. Let us take it from here." Toushirou countered sternly.

A chuckle rumbled deep in her throat; her portrayed dignity for being refined preventing her from letting it fully surface.

"You are a shinigami after all," she turned her back to Toushirou; watching the man finalize his regeneration. "You will never understand the strife of the prey,"

The man leapt at me as I'd predicted; angry and malicious—his pot shot at me for revenge. I leapt right back at him, both blades ready and eager to slice into him as easily as margarine. We crashed into one another, his force dominating over mine with an extra push of his reiatsu to back it up. He pushed me back, and I barrel-rolled gracefully to my feet; that smirk ever present on my lips.

The man quickly turned tail trying to make a break for it since the outnumbering clearly changed the gravity of the situation. However, my zanpakutou had no such self-restraint to let him leave.

My arms straightened outward horizontally in a crucifixion position, and—with  _severe_  strain—commanded more wood to rise from the ground. More roots rose from the sides of the man; thicker than I'd ever seen and heavy enough that I felt like my arms would fall off even though I wasn't physically lifting anything. She commanded the wood to quickly encase over the man by bringing her arms inward, and a large, cage-like dome began forming. As the man tried to escape, she flashed into the spacious cage with him.

Meeting the wall of the wooden barricade, the man turned to defend against me as she hurled me toward him. With reiatsu aiding my force, she struck down on him like a hammer on a defenseless nail. He pushed me off and came back at me with his own zanpakutou ready for revenge. As I flew back from the force in the cage, Toushirou and Rangiku proceeded forward toward us for assistance.

My prideful, stubborn zanpakutou caught sight of it and wasn't having it. As we flew back from the force, she expanded the wood to create a more solid barrier to keep them out. As she did this, our enemy took the opportunity while we were distracted. He came in with a diagonal slash at my chest, and she quickly turned my body to take it on my back shoulder blade rather than chest. I fell to the ground, and quickly attempted to rise back to my feet, only to be kicked back down to the pavement.

He stepped down onto my stomach, and held the tip of his zanpakutou to my throat. I looked up at him; my eyes displaying the accurate message that he was going to be ripped apart the second I got out of this—even though  _my_ actual eyes glazed in terror.

"They didn't tell me you regained the ability to utilize your zanpakutou; I'll make sure we don't take you lightly when we officially recruit you."

"State your name, and state your purpose." My zanpakutou commanded like  _she_ was the one holding a blade to his throat.

"My, my, aren't we quite the pretentious one," he dug the tip into my throat—she didn't flinch; just kept that prideful gaze on him. "You'll know who I am soon enough—just you wait, Kiteyama Akinoyo."

Without warning, the barrier cracked loudly with a forced intrusion—Toushirou and Rangiku surely behind it.

"You're lucky those vermin are here—they've given you another day of freedom," he looked down at me in disgust as he withdrew his zanpakutou and quickly sheathed it. "Until next time,  _Kiteyama-Sama,"_

In an instant, he was gone; smoke left in his place.

Toushirou finished breaking down the barrier, and in a flash he and Rangiku were around me.

"Akinoyo-chan!" Rangiku called, that worry ever present even with her zanpakutou out and pointed at me.

My blade pointed at them immediately. "Do you even realize how costly your interference has been?" she questioned; thick with resentment. "Be warned, Hitsugaya Toushirou and Matsumoto Rangiku, the next time either of you interfere, your heads will roll along the pavement."

" _Hey! Just what the fuck do you think you're doing? Don't talk to them like that!"_ I snarled at her.

"Who are you? Where's Akinoyo?" Toushirou didn't miss a beat—even with my blade pointed at him.

She lowered my arm; the dual blades resting congruent on each side. "You're gazing upon her—I am her spirit." She answered. "Be still now,"

She rose my hands, pumping out our shared reiatsu as she inhaled deeply. In a concentrated, and heaved motion, she brought them down; forcing all the wood in her command back into the earth. The ground shook with the forced substances breaking through the pavement, and within a few strained moments, all the wood utilized as a weapon receded back from whence it came.

Once the task was complete, she took a few breaths, and reverted the dual blades back to a single katana in my right hand.

Toushirou sheathed his zanpakutou—as did Rangiku—and stepped forward. "Where is the assailant?"

"Disappeared in an untraceable smoke." She answered quickly. She stepped forward toward him, and Toushirou met the fierce gaze she had through my eyes as she halted directly in front of him.

"With the first interference, my debt to you has been retracted; I no longer owe you for assisting in the release of Kiteyama Akinoyo." She gracefully in a single motion began to sheath our blade, stopping before completely sealing it.

"For the second interference, your payment will be safeguarding this wretched body until it has fully healed. Luckily, she attempted contact earlier in the day, and I was able to shatter through the remnant of the barricade separating her and myself in time to defend her. Because of this however, she will be out of commission for seven days at the minimum." She explained.

"Although with the injury caused ultimately by her  _severely lacking_  guardian, she may be out of commission longer than that."

"If your pride dictates you to blame others for the failure of your own choices, then by all means take comfort in your misconstrued belief. I will safeguard her as well as yourself during your unconsciousness—rest assured." He retorted intelligently.

" _Need some water for that burn?"_ I grinned at Toushirou's comeback.

She let out a composed laugh as her palm settled down on the hilt of the 95% sheathed blade. With the two forefingers of my left hand, she delicately pressed the pointed fingers into his chest.

"Let's hope you're right Hitsugaya Toushirou. Until next we meet,"

The guard clanked against the scabbard with the push of the sudden close, and I lost consciousness as soon as the sound faded with the passing waves.

-x-x-

" _In a mirrored world, are you beside me?"_

_My eyes drank in the reflection settled at my chest level; the color of the liquid I soaked in absorbing into my retinas and causing the delayed recollection._

_This…this was…_

_I bit my lip, and stared at the reflection beside my own; tears threatening to escape my eyes from fear rippling within me. Her hands reached down to the liquid, and she swirled her fingers along the surface with a giggle._

" _All you think about now is_ him,  _isn't it?" she smiled._

_As I tried to gain control of my emotion to express my disagreement, her body disappeared behind mine; her face still reflected by where she wedged her head in the crook of my neck. Her arms disappeared into the liquid as she draped them under my arms and around my sides._

" _And here I thought_ I  _was still your everything," her arms wrapped around my torso, and her palms rested over my bare breasts; fingers gripping the succulent flesh as she squeezed herself into me. "Have you forgotten your debt to me?" she whispered as her lips grew closer to my ear._

 _I rose my hands to take hold of hers, but there was nothing there even though I saw_ and _felt_   _her in the reflection. A quick glance over my shoulder where her face should have been proved it—I was hallucinating. I looked back to the settled reflection once the ripples passed; her form still appearing and still curled around me. I began to tremble._

" _M-Miyuki, i-it's not like that; I h-haven't—"_

" _I remember first meeting you, Akinoyo-chan,"_

_The door in the real world I was in slammed open; a shadowed man standing in the threshold with his hand still on the cracked and scarlet stained door he slammed open. My trembling amplified tenfold, and as my body reacted with the basic recoil, a light, soft warmth tickled my nerve-endings from just under my earlobe._

_I looked back into the reflection of the blood-filled, clawfoot tub I was in to see Miyuki's lips ghost along the side of my neck after the heated press they made on my skin. She squeezed me tighter, and began trailing a line of soft kisses downward along my neck._

" _It was similar to this—no?"_

_The footsteps of the unidentified man stomped forward toward me, and as I attempted to move my head to look, Miyuki used one of her hands to move my reflected face to focus only on her._

" _You keep fooling yourself, Akinoyo-chan," she kissed delicately. "You know you cannot go on living this way," the hand still on my breast slithered down along my scarred stomach; tracing each and every scar along me as she descended further downward—my heart palpitations critically rising._

" _You know he isn't enough to satisfy you; he isn't suitable as my replacement,"_

_The man grabbed my drenched hair, and held a knife to my throat; my body frozen from the reflection's restraint._

" _You've always belonged to_ me _—you can_ never _belong to anyone else."_

_Miyuki turned my head in the reflection up to where the man stood on my left. I met his glowing and vibrant hazel eyes; that smile on his shaded face as gruesome as they come._

" _Tell me, Kiteyama Akinoyo," his deep voice began. His face bent down toward me, sending my nerves into complete overdrive at the recognition of the human I murdered._

" _Would you rather die looking into the eyes of your worst fear, or,"_

_His face morphed; his hair changing in a quick wash of snow white color. As his face settled, my heart sank to my stomach, and I knew this would be how it ends._

" _Of the eyes of your most beloved?" Toushirou's voice asked me._


	17. Chapter 17

I woke up screaming. I shot up as if electrocuted; trembling and panting as the after-effect.

It was dark, and not even the light from the window—if there was one; wherever I was—made a difference. The panic rippled through me into a hyperventilation attack, and I couldn't control myself. With the fresh fear from my nightmare along with my last waking moments, my mind finally began to process—now collapsing more than ever.

I couldn't trust anyone anymore; whoever it was that was after me could change into anyone at any time, and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Even if I  _was_ somewhere safe, how could I trust anyone now that I knew this person could be  _literally anyone?_

The door slid open with a loud slam; causing the grip I had on the sheeted mattress beneath me to result in the muscles of my palm to spasm. A tall, shadowed figure stood at the threshold, causing me to lurch back into the wall; the memory of the shapeshifting assailant that haunted me in both the dormant and waking world sending me into a dangerous cardiac sputter.

"Akinoyo, what happened?" Toushirou urgently rushed toward me.

"S-S-Stay away from me!" I shouted.

He proceeded forward through my feeble protest; taking an adjacent seat next to me on the mattress. I squirmed back even without the actual space behind me—my hyper-active amygdala refusing to budge even a fraction.

"Akinoyo, calm down; it's me, Toushirou," he cautiously cooed as he leaned toward me.

"D-Don't come any closer!" I managed through the staggered breaths.

"Breathe; you're not bre—"

"You're h-him aren't you?" I choked out. "The m-man from before; the shape-shifter, the assailant, th-th—"

"No, Akinoyo; it's me, Toush—"

"Don't  _lie_  to me! Where am I? W-What are y-you—"

In a quick movement, he took the side of my face in his palm, and pressed his forehead against mine. "You're safe, Akinoyo; please,  _just breathe._ "

The touch of his cool skin on mine begged for my shrieking mind to calm down, and although it was uncompliant, my heart beats and the shallow feeling in my stomach from his gesture caused the guard miniscule falter. He wasn't making any sudden movements. He stayed still; the only movement from him in reaction to my shaking. The lack of abrupt movement on his end encouraged my psychotic-overdrive to lower the output, but I just—this seemed so much like him though.

"H-How do I know you're telling the truth?"

His hand shifted to cradle my head; his thumb gently grazing just behind my jawline. "Would your Romeo lie to his Juliet?"

It was him.

It was really Toushirou.

My hyperventilating breaths settled down to ones of a small child. Tears escaped my eyes as my shallower breaths and sniffling trailed behind.

"T-Thank Kami it's you," I choked out—his other hand set over my trembling right one, and I loosened my grip at the touch.

"You're okay now; nothing is going to happen now that I'm with you." He withdrew his forehead from mine, and stared into my eyes—I stared down at the small space between us; trying to control my two flooded lavender seas.

"Thank you, Toushirou; y-you being here means everything to me,"

" _ **And here I thought**_ **I** _ **was still your everything,"**_ Miyuki's words from my terrifying dream repeated in my head.

Guilt squeezed my heart like a death-grip on yesterday at the recollection. Miyuki  _was_  once my everything, but when she died I lost all emotion. I became an empty void; it didn't matter what was happening to me, or what anyone wanted—they could take it. I had nothing I cared about left in my life when she passed. Over several years, I finally decided to do something for  _myself_ for once; I wouldn't get emotionally attached or reliant to anyone ever again, and I would persevere all on my own.  _I_ took myself out of there— _I_ didn't need  _anyone_ to support me any more.

I didn't  _want_ a Miyuki replacement; I was acceptant of what I'd become, and I fully intended to  _keep it that way._ I didn't want anyone to  _ever_ reign supreme in my world again, but…now I...

A warm touch swept the top of my cheekbone. I twitched by default; the hand that snuck past my periphery pausing before repositioning for another sweep.

"It's okay," he cooed.

I looked up into the soft gaze he had on me, which only confirmed to me how far I'd fallen  _yet again._  I'd complained so much about how I hated this, but now that I was sobbing uncontrollably  _again,_ the feeling just reared its ugly head back to haunt me  _again_.

"Why?"

His gaze didn't falter, and I took hold of the hand wiping the tears from my cheek.

"Why do you do  _this_?" I asked.

He didn't say anything—just waited for me to continue.

"W-What good comes out of comforting  _me_  for  _you_? Why are you here? Why put up with someone who is an empty shell of what she once was? Do you even realize just how much time out of your own life you're wasting on comforting me?  _Do_   _you_?"

I drifted from my own self-loathing to another aspect that only made me realize it even more. I was so emotional that everything coming out of my mouth sounded border-line angry and insulting, but it was something that honestly concerned me. Why was he  _always_ there for me? Why did he make me feel this way—like it was okay to be a fragile, emotional carbon-based lifeform with feeble control of her own reality? Okay, maybe I was going a little overboard, but the guilt that he  _had to put up with me_ sent me spiraling even faster down this sickening internal whirlpool of self-hatred

"Comforting you isn't a waste of my time, nor will it  _ever be._ You keep lumping yourself in with the lowest of the low, when that isn't the case at all. You're not worthless; you  _deserve_ the time of day, Akinoyo. I've told you this before, yet you still don't accept the words I've said."

I put his hand down into the space between us; taking both of my arms and holding myself as I hunched forward and broke our eye contact.

"It's because  _you're_ not getting it, Toushirou.  _You're_ not getting that I'm just another lost cause. It's only a matter of time before they get me, and then they'll come for all the ones that tried to  _help_  me. Why go to the length? I don't want any of you to get hurt;  _especially you,_ Toushirou. I didn't want anyone to cross over that line, and yet I let you through like there wasn't even a barrier to begin with. Due to my own weakness and crumbling self-esteem, you're ultimately a target for them as well. He even told me that it's up to my discretion on how many of my  _'friends'_ I want to sacrifice until they reel me back in." Cue the fresh tears.

"And with knowing all this, you  _still_ are right here—taking care of me—when you could've just left me and been on your merry fucking way. Why the  _fuck_ do I matter to you so  _Kami-damned_  much that you would risk your own safety for me?  _Why_ do you continuously assist a sobbing fucking wreck like me, that's border-line going insane and ready to just call life quits for the sake of all of you, when you could have the time of your life doing anything fucking else? I don't get it at all. I don't get your reasoning  _at all."_

I shifted my hands up and down along my arms with the uncomforting realization of the word vomit coming up out of my mouth. I was being so fucking rude when all he was doing was trying to help. But I couldn't stop what I was doing; I couldn't stop the harsh truth that completely wrecked me internally as each second passed by.  _I was wrecking everyone's lives, and giving nothing back._

My shoulders trembled as I touched into another truth that absolutely terrified me.

"Now the attacks are getting more frequent, Toushirou; I barely escaped last time because I wasn't in control of myself, and now guess what? We find out this guy can be anyone and turn  _into_ anyone, and now I can't tell him apart from anyone. I keep getting hurt, and making you feel responsible when it isn't even you're fault, and I keep causing more and more problems as this keeps unravelling, and I keep worrying everybody, and becoming more of a burden to you, and I—"

His lips took mine without warning.

As I halted in petrification from the sudden action, he moved his lips against mine delicately; the soft touch of them assisting tremendously in halting my anxious, melt-down verged cry to a complete stop. He disconnected the kiss, but lingered at the spot; my cheek now in his palm again.

"For once,"

The fingertips of his other hand ascended delicately along my arm; stopping to gently take hold of my shoulder.

"Can't you just let me ease your worried mind?"

In nine simple words, my brain came to a screeching stop; skidding across the asphalt pavement with smoke coming from its heels. I didn't understand just how the man could do it; how he could make my mind almost completely shut down with the simplest of touches. As my mind mellowed, my body now assumed command; my right hand rising to take hold over his on my cheek.

Taking that as my permission granted; he took my lips once again.

The insane clenching of my fear and self-loathe loosened upon the touch; replaced with another welcomed squeeze around the beating organ in my chest I'd been in need of. Those soft lips of his sent all the bad feelings away so instantly it was like drugs, but drugs that wouldn't leave me in a horrendous state of complete fortuitous paralysis for others.

I took my hand off his, and pulled him closer to me by the linen of the haori he proudly wore. As much as I'd just completely cemented the fact that he was better off without me, now that my mind was cut off almost entirely, my heart completely took command and charge at the opportunity he'd given me. He complied to my request, while making one of his own. The hand on my shoulder left down to the small of my back; pulling me into him to securely close the gap between us.

After a few short, gratuitous moments on my lips, he left his post there and began at my collarbone. His hot breath on me left my lip quivering from the need I never knew I had; I'd never shied away from a man's touch due to the nature of my previous job, but for some reason now, I felt  _completely_  different. I loved every second of what was happening and didn't want it to stop, but the excited butterflies that flurried in my stomach caused me to falter; I-I wasn't good enough for him. What was he thinking—doing this with a whore like me?

But as he continued lightly grazing my skin with those sweet pecks of his, the more that I wanted to send those thoughts to Hell. I wanted to permanently rid myself of all those horribly horrendous thoughts that composed my depressive personality, and I wanted that heat he provided to rid me of it—I wanted it everywhere, and I wanted the actions that normally followed afterward by it to send me into absolute bliss. This entire happening was so sudden, and as much as I wanted things to progress quickly, I knew in the back of my mind that I needed to restrain  _some_ of my selfish behavior.

He left my collarbone, and began at the base of my neck; little nibbles at the tender skin here and there—making my breathing deepen in an effort to restrain myself.

"Toushirou, I—" I reached both hands around him; gripping the fabric on his back as I continued. "I-If you keep that up, I won't be able to hold myself back any longer—I-I don't want you to r-regret this," I muttered.

I forcibly made my body stiffen under his own leaning over me, all in an effort to stifle myself from making any sudden movements. He was a Taichou—he was  _important._ This action could ruin him; this affair with a whore that was an underling in another Squad  _not to mention_  also under investigation could send his reputation plummeting downhill. It was wrong and I knew it, but my heartbeat that thrashed like a vicious beast within me didn't want me to let him stop. I wanted all of him; every last bit of him explored and dominated by me—I gulped down the resulted salivation exuding from the thought.

He kissed tenderly under my jawbone; the actual emotion behind the action arousing me in a way I'd never experienced before—was this what it was like to have real  _intimacy_  involved?

"There would be nothing to regret,"

His fingertips brushed some of the hair resting on my face to the side, as if opening the curtains for a full view of the main attraction.

"While your worry is sweet of you, please don't let it be your reasoning to shy away from me. All I want is for you to relax, Akinoyo; your mind, your soul,"

He placed his forehead against mine. I opened my eyes to meet those entrancing aquamarine ones I cherished so much.

"Your  _everything,_ "

His thumb brushed across my cheek, and my breathing stuttered as his other hand slithered around to rest on my hip; his fingers gently pressing against the protruding bone.

"Akinoyo,"

His lips hovered over mine, and my hands clenched the fabric tighter as a last ditch effort to steel myself.

"Will you allow me to be the one to help you?"

I couldn't hold myself back another second.

I pressed my lips against his, and took my hand to the back of his neck to pull him into my rough, unrestrained kiss. He reciprocated it, quickly taking the reigns from me as he pulled me closer into him. My other hand went to the fabric covering his chest; gripping it fiercely and pulling it toward me. My hunger for him seemed ravenous now, and I clenched my legs together to rid myself of the lustful craving that radiated between them.

In almost an effortless motion, he pulled me back with him, and laid me down on the mattress. He deepened the kiss with the insertion of his tongue; causing me to pucker at the new waves of seduction that overwhelmed me. His hands were at my hips; making their way to my obi to untie the damn restrictive fabric. My own hands were already past the kosode and underneath his shitagi; feeling his chest, and reading his pectorals like brail as I descended down him delicately. One hand stayed at his side while the other felt his lower abdominals; playfully tracing the lines back and forth, and occasionally inching further downward then back up in a tease.

I could feel the smirk on his lips at my action; he pulled back from the kiss to nibble on my lower lip as his first form of payback—the second that followed surpassing the brutality of the first easily. He loosened up both the kosode and shitagi to reveal my bandage-wrapped torso and lilac bra. He knew better than to attempt anything at the area I despised, so his hand merely trailed up along my side; stopping at the wire of my bra. His fingers inched underneath the wire; the hand on the arm that balanced him over me separating the lining of my bra gently under my right breast, while the fingers of his other crept further up into the cup of my left.

His lips left mine to trail back down to my jaw; I took in quick, short pants to bring myself back to a normal heartrate. His fingers inched further over my breast; gravitating slowly toward the quivering, protruding nerve-ending sticking up at the center. His fingers stopped at the dividing line between nipple and breast, and he traced the line of it gently back and forth—the true payback that made me want to just full-on ravage him without another moment to lose. As my hands travelled further down to slip beneath his waistline, his words cut off the action.

"I don't want you to think this is all for my own gratification; I want you to be the one letting your mind slip away for once," he took my hands out of his pant-line, and left them to linger at his chest. "To let  _yourself_  slip away for once, and let someone who cares for you to show admiration for you," he kissed me again, and brought his hand back up to cradle my face as he leaned onto his elbow.

He brought his head up to stare down into me, and I returned the soft gaze with my own. He smiled lightly, and the look of it on his features made me completely melt into my pulsating feelings for him.

"Only if you'll allow it, however,"

I knew what he was implying. While everything that was happening didn't point to it, he wanted to make sure I didn't feel like this was solely him taking advantage of me like all the other men ever had. He didn't want me to get the rape-vibe that was literally every single sexual encounter I'd ever had. He wanted me to  _want_ him; to take this experience in for  _myself_ rather than money or any other benefit. He wanted me to feel like a normal person—a normal person with someone who  _admired_  her.

The emotion that had been in hiding for the past several years resurfaced; displayed in a smile of true, warm endearment and gratitude. My left hand reached up to rest along the crook of his neck while my right cupped the side of his face; my thumb gently sweeping across his cheek.

"I just…"

I looked away from him. What was I doing?

"I-I just don't want to be a burden to you; I'm loving every second of this, but I don't want you to feel like you  _have_  to do this,"

He lowered himself and kissed me briefly; leaving my lips begging for more as his hot breath covered the moist surface. "Please, I don't want you to think that way; I'm doing this because I feel for you, Akinoyo—I want you to know I'm here for you, I want to help you, I want to protect you,"

He moved my face to look at him; the seriousness of his gaze something I never thought I'd see coming from him toward me. "Most of all, I just want  _you,_ Akinoyo—all of who you really are,"

For the first time in my life, an uncontrolled eruption of elated emotion ruptured through the beating organ in my chest. This feeling was something that for the first time didn't seem like emotion stemming from reliance; it was pure, and from a place I never knew my blackened mind allowed to exist—my actual soul.

The blush erupting on my cheeks made me avoid eye contact with him—this new shy, feminine characteristic in full swing at the realization of his words. Although my throat seemed to close and saying anything at all seemed like a lost cause, I gathered the strength so as not to keep him waiting. There was so much that I needed to say, but I had to settle on brevity for the time being.

"There is no one else I want, Toushirou; I…I want your everything, and in exchange I want to give you  _my_ everything. You're the only one I would gladly slip away with—the one I want  _more than anything_ to slip away with. Toushirou, I—"

" _ **You've always belonged to**_ **me** _ **—you can**_ **never** _ **belong to anyone else."**_

Miyuki…

No.

_She left me._

It was time I took my false idol off her pedestal; even if it really  _was_ her the other night. She would always hold a special place, but I had to move on— _she wasn't here with me anymore._

I looked back up into his eyes, sudden courage and determination reflecting back into his own. "I want to be yours, only if you will be mine."

His gaze softened, and he pressed his forehead back to mine. "You've always been one for equivalent exchange," he brushed his nose against mine. "I am yours, and you are mine from here forward—agreed?"

" _ **You know he isn't enough to satisfy you; he isn't suitable as my replacement,"**_

Defiant against my own misconstrued disruptive thoughts, I pulled his head down so his lips met mine; completely commandeering his mouth briefly to satisfy my relentless hunger.

She didn't matter anymore…she…she didn't… _she didn't matter._

_This is what I wanted._

I pulled back for the briefest of moments; only to reply to—what I now realized was—the most important question in my existence.

"Agreed."

He met my lips again, and gave into his own hunger I now knew for certain he had for me. I gripped his hair with one hand while my other gripped onto his hip; pressing my fingertips to reiterate my lustful need into the bone. His hand slipped beneath my back to unlatch my bra; and the second the fabric loosened, his hand came back from underneath the elastic under my arm to meet with my breast. He ghosted slowly over my breast, causing me to stiffen in anticipation of the touch I'd been in dying need of.

His lips left my mouth, and fled back down to my neck in a predetermined route. As his soft lips passed between my collar bones, his other hand crept over my unattended breast; the warmth of his rough palm aiding in the increased beating within my chest. He moved my bra out of his way; the wired cupped boulder-holder resting above my actual breasts as he rose to gaze upon the territory he was about to monopolize.

My fingers that were still in his hair trailed down to the back of his neck, and both hands cradled the base of his head; my thumbs feeling his chiseled jawline before proceeding further down to the muscles on his shoulders. He went down into the valley between my breasts; tender kisses that outlined the base of my left one sending expectant shivers over me yet again. As he proceeded to scale up to the peak of it, his thumb and forefinger of his other hand played along the dividing line of the other in circular motions, making me finally cringe and let out a tiny yelp accidently. His lips met the other nipple after his planned, playful tease, and the feeling of his tongue along the aroused nerve-endings had me grip his shoulders and tighten and twist my legs beneath him. His other hand played along with the other protruding nerve-ending, his goal in presenting the one-way ticket to bliss successfully accomplished.

I'd become impatient now however, and the mere entry ticket he handed me was not enough; I wanted to board that train immediately, and I wanted him feeling exactly how I was.

I began lifting my head up; the motion of my chest rising up causing him look up at me and halt as I pushed myself up toward him. Once he rose back up to an upright position, I took his mouth by storm; leaning into him with the fierce thirst dying to be quenched.

As I quickly pushed myself forward in order to gain that dominate position atop him, a sharp pain in my abdomen halted me in my tracks; causing me to disconnect the kiss, and intake a sharp inhale as my hand immediately flew to my torso. Alerted, Toushirou pushed me back delicately to look over me; worry clearly replacing that lustful aura from mere seconds ago.

"Your wound still hasn't healed completely," he reached back under my clothing and latched my bra back on before ushering me to lay back down.

I frowned at the necessary action.

While my wound throbbed from the accidental over-exertion, it didn't compare to how terrible I felt that we couldn't continue. We'd finally made the progress I'd longed for, and then I had to pull the rookiest of moves.

"I'm sorry, Toushirou; I-I didn't mean to—"

"No, I should be the one apologizing; I was completely engaged in the moment that I neglected to remember your injury,"

He lifted my hand away from the spot; inspecting to see if any blood soaked through the bandages before he proceeded. The chartreuse, healing reiatsu glowed beneath his palm, as his facial expression changed completely to regret. I took hold of his other hand, and he looked back toward me with that worried glaze over his hues.

"Toushirou, these past few moments have meant the world to me. There's nothing to be sorry about—I'm the one that forgot about my own injury." I smiled sheepishly.

"But—if you wouldn't mind—I was hoping to make a request…if possible," My free hand went to his cheek, and I smiled shyly—yet incandescently for the first time in my life—up at him before averting my eyes. "W-Would it be possible…for you to sleep next to me tonight?"

Oh Kami, was I asking for too much? Kami, you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself for creating such a needy cretin.

His hand on my cheek caused my eyes to flicker back against my will. He reciprocated my previous smile with a warm one of his own; the small movement of his lips making my heart leap due to the fact that  _I_ caused that emotion in another soul. He bent down with a quick shake of his head—finding my plea funny no doubt—and planted a sweet, soft kiss on my lips before pulling back enough to speak.

"Of course—I'd do anything for you,  _Juliet_ ,"


	18. Chapter 18

Something soft and warm gently pressed against my temple. My face scrunched from the intrusion disrupting my slumber, but when I heard nothing after, I settled back down and began gradually drifting back to the sleep I wanted to cling to. Right as my breathing became rhythmic, that same feeling I thought I'd imagined brought me back to the half-awakened state. It was joined by another moving element of warmth; the light graze moving my hair from where it rested over my face. I grunted and turned my face into the warm pillow; desperate to return to that comforting unconsciousness.

A short, deep chuckle sounded next to me, and my ears perked at the realization.

"I wonder if there's any human folklore involving a beauty constantly asleep; I think you would fit the role," the voice that made my heart flurry spoke softly.

Thank Kami my face was buried in this pillow—the blush no doubt staining my cheeks would be  _far too embarrassing._  I exhaled deeply; lifting myself up just enough to intake new oxygen.

"Someone's been doing some light reading," I mumbled.

"Perhaps," he replied.

I let myself slump back down onto my pillow; thoughts of what happened the last night fresh in my mind, and causing embarrassment to wrack through me like never before. For the first time in my life, I—the biggest out-going asshole in existence—felt embarrassed. I'd only spent the night with 3 clients entirely throughout the years, and I'd always woken up knowing that I had to put on the disgusting façade from the previous night. But now that  _there was no façade,_  I had no idea how to act. I felt like I couldn't even look him in the eye; I remembered what was said last night, but for some reason my mind had such trouble accepting it.

I quickly turned away from his direction, and pulled the blanket over my head.

"You're really  _still_  tired _?_ " he asked.

"Do you regret last night?" I blurted without thinking. A moment of silence passed, and I held my breath in anxious anticipation.

"Do  _you_  regret last night?" he questioned back.

"I asked you first," I childishly replied.

He placed his hand on my arm over the cover of the blanket. "I don't regret it at all; I meant what I said, and I truly hope that you can believe me. However, if you're having second thoughts, then I—"

"I-I'm not having second thoughts! I meant everything too! I-I just wanted to make sure that  _you_ were sure," I cut him off.

Kami I sounded like a damn nut-job; this poor, poor male beside me.

"Hmm," he paused briefly, and his hand moved along the blanket and up to my shoulder. "If that's the case, then why are you hiding under the blanket from me?" he questioned with a tinge of playfulness in his voice.

I gulped down the nervousness lumped in my throat as quietly as possible. "Well—uhh—about that…" I trailed off.

He awaited for me to continue, but I couldn't bring myself to do it—my pride wouldn't let me admit my embarrassment aloud. I didn't have to respond, did I? Maybe he would just change the topic?

"Hmm, I wonder what happened to the woman I grew fond of," he scooted closer to me, and it was then that I realized his body had been under the blanket with me this whole time—my eyes widened in panic.

His right arm quickly went under my pillow while the other scooped me against him; his hand resting atop my right ribcage as he loosely held me to him. I took a sharp intake at the action, and as I did, his forehead pressed against the back of my head—he was  _completely_  under the covers now?

"She was always one to combat every single word, and to forcibly prove her point in blunt, vulgar, and sarcastic language as she puffed her chest in bold bravado," his fingers pressed against the lowest bone of my ribcage as he placed a gentle kiss on the back of my neck.

He must've felt the shiver he sent down my spine at his action; a short exhale as if compensating for a laugh made his chest move against my back, and I internally face-palmed at my own uncontrolled reaction.

"However, I can't say that I'm  _not_  fond of this withdrawn version of her as well; the feminine qualities she portrays aren't half-bad,"

"I-I am not." I blushed.

"Oh? She speaks?" He kissed along my neck, and down toward the crook that met my shoulder as he continued. "That's good; I was afraid you completely retracted into your shell," he teased.

" _No,_ " I managed to sass, "I j-just,"

He stopped the kisses when he reached the curvature of my shoulder, and rested his head back against the pillow as he pressed against me.

"What's the matter then?" he asked with a gentle tone.

I took my hand over his; pressing my fingers between his and curling them through to his palm when he lifted his hand a fraction for access. I took a deep breath as I gently squeezed his hand.

"I just…don't know how to act around you now to be honest," I sheepishly admitted. "Every single time I've gotten into physical relation; I've always had a façade that I played for every moment that passed. It was all fake, but I knew what I had to do to get the job done. But now that it's not a job, I guess I just,"

I took a deep breath to calm myself; the next words to come out of my mouth were some of the toughest I'd ever had to say in my existence. "I-I don't know how to act around someone I have  _attraction_ for,"

I bit my lip immediately, and squeezed his hand as an extra effort to stifle myself. Kami, is this what people went through? This was fucking ridiculous.

He pulled me tight against him; causing a small yelp to escape through my vocal chords at the action. The warmth from his chest on my back was incredible, and I honestly felt so protected and comfortable in his arms that I could just stay there forever.

"Just be yourself."

He freed his hand from under my grasp, and put his over it to squeeze me as he spoke the words that I never thought I'd hear a man ever say to me. "Seeing you be yourself—smiling, sarcastic,  _shy,_ and even coy at times—makes my world that much brighter. I want you to be comfortable in your own skin, and I want you to be comfortable around me; there's no acting required to accomplish that,"

He nuzzled against me, and my emotions couldn't hold me back for much longer.

"Seeing you happy, makes  _me_ happy. All I want is the opportunity to assist in making that happen; if you could grant me that, I'd be in your debt."

Okay. I'd had it.

I turned around quickly—the pain from my abdomen not enough to stop me in what I needed to do—and buried myself into him.

"Akinoyo, your wo—"

"Do you even understand how much your words mean to me?" I cut in.

I didn't want to do it. I didn't  _want_ to allow the water from the depths of my lavender seas to rise. But it was different this time; this time they weren't tears of a broken soul.

"Your words mean the world to me, Toushirou," I squeezed him against me, and tried to collect my breathing to say the words that meant so much to me. "I don't want to ever be away from you; I want to be your everything, and be there for you always. Because of you, for the first time in years I can honestly admit with proud sincerity the one thing I never thought would be possible ever again— _I'm happy. I'm finally, actually, happy_ ,"

My voice trembled at my own words, and the tears that escaped my eyes were completely beyond my control. "Its just an uncharted terrain I have no idea how to proceed into," I admitted.

He pulled me into him, and kissed the top of my head as he held my sobbing form. "You proceed one step at a time. It can be intimidating at first, but if we stick together, we'll  _both_ get the hang of it. You have to be open to it though—think you're brave enough to give it a try?"

I nodded my head against him, and he took in a deep breath before settling against me. The action encouraged me to take my own deep breath, and so I did to hopefully stop the tears. I hated tears—even though these were ones of happiness—they were the worst.

"I'll keep you close—I promise." After a short moment to let me absorb his words, he changed the subject to one more important to him.

"Did you hurt yourself?" he asked as his hand gently grazed the small of my back. "Today I have another check-up scheduled for you with Kotetsu-Taichou; she wanted to check on your wound personally whether you were awake or not,"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I took a deep breath to stifle my tears and speak. "What do you mean,  _'another?'_  When did I meet her?" I questioned.

"You met her the last day you were awake—10 days ago."

I shot back from his arms in absolute shock.

"What do you mean  _'10 days ago?'_ " I practically shouted.

"You've been unconscious for 10 days. Your zanpakutou warned for a minimum of at least seven days, however, with the deep wound you received on your abdomen, you were out for longer." He swept the hair that fell over my face, and I stared down at his collarbone as I completely grasped the situation.

"I didn't trust leaving you in the 4th Division's hospital due to the situation, so I arranged to have you taken care of here in my home. Trusted Squad members sent from Kotetsu-Taichou have been here each day to make sure your recovery has been going as planned. I've been present for each visit, and have been working from home to make sure you weren't left unattended." He explained.

I looked up at him—he stared into the strands of hair he tucked gently away from my face. "I made sure only the wound was accessible to the Squad members, however, Kotetsu-Taichou needed to inspect the rest of you—my apologies."

"No, there's no need for apologies. Thank you for going so much out of your way for me; it seems like it was troublesome—I should be the one apologizing," I uncomfortably squirmed.

"As you just said—there's no need for apologies," his hand trailed down to cradle the side of my face, and I knew my blush was already back in full swing. "After what happened, I don't want you anywhere alone anymore. Each time I'm not present, something happens—I'm not going to risk your safety again. I want you by either my side, or Matsumoto's—although preferably mine—at all times from here forward. I  _refuse_  to let you get hurt again."

His eyes shifted away from mine in an uncomfortable gaze—more than likely he considered what happened his fault. It took me a moment to remember that my zanpakutou had also called him out on his performance the last time—that must've just added insult to my actual injury.

I was normally terrible at this, and I'd only ever been on the receiving end before, but now I had a reason to step up to the plate.

"Hey,"

He looked back at me at my call, and I continued.

"Take in what's happening right now—right now, I'm in your arms, and I'm happy. It's been years since I've had any actual emotional contact with anyone; even with everything that's happening to me—this is all that I care about now. Now, I have a reason aside from my own cowardice to keep on living; there's someone that  _cares_ about me now. No matter what happens to me—be it emotional, or be it physical—being  _right here_ is all that I want. You've been able to provide that to me since Day One;  _nothing else matters to me._  I've dealt with flesh wounds—they heal quickly as it is, but I'd bet money they'd heal twice as fast if someone else's support and care assists during the recovery."

I curled myself back into him; taking a deep breath before squeezing myself to him. "I trust you with my life, Toushirou; since Day One I've had faith in you, and know that you truly  _would_  do anything to protect me. As long as I can be here in  _your_ arms at the end of the day, nothing else matters to me—not even a flesh wound."

He squeezed me into him, and planted another kiss on me as he leaned against me. "And here is where I want to keep you;  _always,"_

"Sounds good to me," I reached up to his shoulder, and pushed myself back to look up at him. "It's a deal." I smiled.

-x-x-

"It looks like you're still about a week or two out from a full recovery, Kiteyama-san. I know that you may be a bit antsy to move around and carry on as you would normally, however I must insist on as much bed rest as possible."

I looked at the tall health specialist known as Kotetsu Isane with my best acknowledging façade. I didn't want more bed rest; I wanted to stretch out and be fine already—where was Kurosaki Orihime when I needed her?

"I understand—I'll do my utmost to stay in bed. You have my thanks for the care you and your Squad members have provided, Kotetsu-Taichou. Please don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything I can assist you with after I've settled my final debt." I bowed as much as I could without hurting myself.

"No thanks necessary, Kiteyama-san; this one's on the house. I've been informed of your situation, and want you to know that we are all here to help. We in Squad 4 pride ourselves in doing everything we can to help others no matter whom it is. Please don't hesitate to ask," she smiled.

"I'm honored; thank you, and of course the same goes for all of you." I replied with a small smile of my own.

"All right then; let's get this wound—along with yourself—dressed," she said as she rose from her seat.

I sat as straight up as I could, and held my arms up as much as possible so she could work somewhat easily. Evidently I had a fair amount of stitches along the upward-curved wound—it made perfect sense now why it felt so damn painful this morning and last night.

"You can rest your arms for a moment; I'm only going to dress the wound rather than your entire torso," she told me as she ripped off some tape. I trust Hitsugaya-Taichou informed you of how to properly clean yourself and the wound? When was the last time  _you_  cleaned it?"

It took everything for me not to gulp; not at the later, but at the prior. "Yes, he did; I cleaned it after a quick—covered—shower just about an hour before we came." I managed to avert the topic.

"Perfect,"

It made sense for her to save bandages for her other patients, so I get why she was doing this, but it didn't stop the uncomfortable feeling from taking over me. I looked down at the wound as she prepped the bandages; the only thought in my head being that now I had another scar to add to the gallery. I thanked Kami she didn't ask about any of it—avoiding that particular topic altogether is for the best. I'll end up an emotional wreck that no one wants or  _needs_ to see.

"I'm assuming wearing a corset is out of the question?" I already knew the answer, but I had to take a shot in the dark.

"That's correct," she said as she held the bandage in place on me. "You need to keep this entire area as unrestrained as possible." she quickly taped along the squared bandage's edges, and made sure it was secure with a hand passing over it. "Now that you're awake and can feed yourself, I will send a squad member every other day to record your vitals, dress your wound, and make sure you're on the right path to recovery." She informed.

"I see. Understood. Thanks for letting me know." I nodded.

"Okay, now let me get your clothes back on," she smiled. She put the garments back on me fairly quickly, yet gently at the same time—I was impressed. Then again, she kind of does this all the time, so I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised. "All right—all done. You can come in now, Hitsugaya-Taichou." She called.

She backed away a few steps, and I carefully hopped off the bed I sat on. Toushirou entered the room, looking me over before looking back to Kotetsu-Taichou.

"Thanks for taking the time, Kotetsu-Taichou," he bowed his head.

"Not a problem at all; thank  _you_ for bringing her in." She replied.

"Is there anything aside from bed rest that I should be aware of?" he asked.

To be honest, I was definitely holding back a blush. I had to look at the damn floor to keep myself together. While it was a simple, relative question that honestly had to be asked even without the attraction between us; these newfound 'gushy' feelings had everything translating to more than it actually meant. While it— _kind of_ ,  _yet debatably_ —felt  _somewhat_ nice, this blushing mousy tendency was such a pain in the ass.

"Ah, yes, that was going to be what I brought up next. Now that my Squad members won't be by as often, she needs to take medicine twice a day. I'll send one of my Squad members by to drop off the medication for her—I unfortunately don't have any of it on me." She explained.

"Thank you; we'll be at my residence if anything comes up. I'll bring her by next week," Toushirou told her as I approached him.

"Thanks again, Kotetsu-Taichou," I bowed again. "I'll see you next week." I smiled.

"Hai, hai; take care of yourselves!" she smiled back.

-x-x-

"I'm so happy you're okay. Akiniyo-chan!" Rangiku squeezed me with such force I thought my wound would re-open.

I exhaled a chuckle awkwardly and gave her a few pats on her back—I wasn't used to such contact yet; it made me feel odd and out of place when it wasn't done in a moment of emotional disruption. I mean—granted—for her it was emotional, but because I myself wasn't as phased as I had been last night, it wasn't something that tugged on my heartstrings any longer.

"Thanks, Rangiku; I appreciate your concern for me," I softly admitted.

She pulled back from the hug, and took hold of my shoulders with fierce determination on her face. "Taichou told you you're not allowed to be by yourself anymore— _right?_  I for one  _am done_ with letting you get hurt. From now on, no more going out to bars, or anywhere in general; we'll drink at home until this whole situation is over,"

My eyes perked up at the thought of alcohol, and without a second to lose, the Ice King voiced his disapproval in a growl of his Fukutaichou's name.

"Not right  _now,_ Taichou; when she gets better of course!" Rangiku grinned as if the obvious escaped him.

"I'll hold you to that," I quickly interjected before Toushirou could—she winked at me, and I let my mouth curve up in a half-smile.

I sat up, and began uncovering myself slowly, to which Rangiku was on me like white on rice.

"Whatcha doin?" she questioned; ready to help me.

"I know she said she wanted as much bed rest as possible, but I really need to stretch for a few minutes. The muscles in my legs hurt, and I want to stretch them out before being stuck on this bed for the rest of the day.  _Plus,_ I need a smoke— _badly._ "I explained.

The two of them exchanged hesitant looks, and before they could even say anything, I was already up and interjecting. "She didn't say I  _couldn't_  smoke; aside from that I can't just kick a habit that quick you guys—show some compassion,"

Rangiku huffed and shook her head. "Fine, fine, but I'm helping you and there isn't any way around it." She got up, and lopped her arm through mine—successfully earning an eyeroll from yours truly.

"Fine," I huffed.

Once I took my accessories off the dresser, Toushirou opened the doors for us as we proceeded through his home and to his back engawa. Rangiku let me lean against the side of the house as I quickly packed a bowl and lit it. I took that deep drag I'd been 10 days without, and savored it in my throat and lungs for a few seconds before exhaling the toxin. Luckily Kotetsu-Taichou didn't say I  _couldn't_ smoke; if she did I think I'd go insane.

"So, what's happened since I've been out? I know Hitsugaya's been cooped up to safeguard me, but has there been any news or activity since my last appearance?" I took another drag after I finished my sentence, and Toushirou took the moment to respond.

"At the moment, we're at a standstill. Ise-Fukutaichou made a visit in place of the Soutaichou due to my inability to leave, and I informed her of the entire situation. She told me that the enemy base in the World of the Living hasn't made any noticeable movement, however the Stealth Force is still keeping a close watch in case. We have yet to receive feedback from Kurotsuchi in regard to the notebook either. This time between the last attack and now has been what you've needed—a chance to recuperate. Hopefully it stays this way at least until you're fully healed." He explained.

I blew out my drag in an exasperated sigh of relief; I had a bad feeling in the pit of my gut that something had happened during my uncontrolled slumber—thank Kami I was incorrect. "Well that's good news I suppose," I answered.

"Has your zanpakutou made any contact since?" Rangiku asked.

Oh shit. Amidst all the disarray of the event, Toushirou's newfound confession, and dealing with my wound—I'd  _almost_  forgotten about her.

"No, not that I know of. Although I didn't say it myself—sorry for the threats she made at the two of you. That was pretty uncalled for and all around rude. If she ever tries to take a swipe at you, it's all fair game—just so you know. Do what you have to," I shook my head.

Well, I was going to have plenty of bed rest; seemed like the perfect opportunity to solve whatever her problem is. I needed her to get that stick out of her ass asap; she can't just mouth off whenever she wants like that—we're trying to make  _friends_ here. As much as that term scares the shit out of me; it seemed somewhat necessary given the situation. Contact with her will definitely be next on my list.

"Don't worry about it, Akinoyo-chan; we knew it wasn't you saying it. I'm glad that you at least were there in spirit to see a bit of what your zanpakutou can accomplish though—the only upside to the situation,"

"That's true; hopefully I can contact her soon to get a better understanding of everything," I shrugged.

"When you're well, Matsumoto and I will help jog your memory in regard to utilizing your zanpakutou. A lot of it will come back to you from interacting with her, however, its still beneficial for you to spar with others aside from her; it helps instill reaction to different styles of offense and defense. Based on what I saw the other day, you have a lot of potential—especially with a shikai like that. That movement she put your body through should help significantly as well; it shouldn't take your body too long to revert back to your previous state."

Okay. I had to get this under control. Now whenever he spoke—especially when it regarded myself—all I could do was cringe internally from the tickling feeling threatening to crack my composed façade. I took a drag to compose myself.

"Thanks for the help; I appreciate it from you both," I responded in my most valiant effort of abstaining from a blush.

"It'll be fun, Akinoyo-chan! The way I train is  _the_   _best_ ," she leaned closer toward me, and continued in a harsh whisper, "Taichou's is a bit  _boring—_ I mean, it's good, but ultimately it—"

"The fact that you act as if I'm not standing within earshot is baffling," he interrupted with clear annoyance.

"What do you mean, Taichou? It's not like I was saying anything harsh," she waved off.

I couldn't help the one sharp chuckle I let slip—it honestly relieved the uncomfortable squeeze around my stomach. Any opportunity for a quick laugh was  _much_ appreciated.

They began to bicker back and forth; Toushirou making valid jabs that Rangiku could only pout back at because she knew they were true. I let out as many chuckles without it being awkward as I could. Honestly, this whole thing with Toushirou was too much for me to believe; the fact that he has feelings for an emotional, petty, rude wreck like me is so beyond me that it makes my head hurt.

I haven't been this happy, but I also haven't been this confused about a situation ever. I've heard that you're just supposed to let things happen, but how could I? He promised that things would be fine, and that he'd be there every step of the way, but what did that even mean? Would I ever get over these anxious butterflies—no  _bees_ —that buzzed around haphazardly all over my insides? I mean, I  _sort of_ liked it, but all around didn't know how to handle them. Did he get this same feeling too? Please Kami, tell me I'm not the  _only one_ feeling like this.

I watched his annoyed facial gestures he made at Rangiku, and he caught my gaze at him and looked right back at me as she turned away to attempt a comeback. The corner of his lips turned up in a small smile at me, and I immediately looked away pretending like it was merely a coincidence. I'm sure he saw right through it, which only invoked more awkwardness on my own part.

"Excuse me! Hitsugaya-Taichou! Are you home?" a female voice called.

The voice barely was high enough to reach our ears, and at the call Hitsugaya dismissed the bickering between himself and Rangiku.

"Hai; wait a moment!" He responded.

He walked past the two of us and around the house; Rangiku and I watching his back as he turned the corner.

"The nerve of that guy!" Rangiku huffed as soon as he was out of sight.

I took another drag of my kiseru with a smirk, and she waltz my way and sat down on the engawa beside me.

"But, I have to admit, he's been in a good mood today for  _some reason_ ," she sounded out the last two words, and at my lack of response she turned around to look up at me.

I stared back into her and shrugged. She donned a coy smirk at me, and I cocked a brow back at her.

"Maybe because a certain  _someone_ is up and about he's in a better mood," she snickered.

I exhaled the drag quickly on accident; her sly grin only widening at my discomfort. "I-I wouldn't go that far," I tried to evade—to literally no avail.

"Sure, sure," she shrugged. "You don't see it though?" she prompted.

Oh Kami, just how much was my facial expression translating?

"Me? Notice anything? Nothing really," my lack of verbal flow was horrendous even for me—would the cringes ever stop?

As she was about to say something surely to increase the cowardice of my mousy behavior, sets of footsteps had both our heads focused on the direction.

"Thank you for taking the time to make the delivery," I heard Toushirou saying.

I hurriedly took my last drag; emptying out my kiseru into my ashtray as I held the burning anxiety-relieving smoke in my lungs. I didn't want to be caught smoking—what if she told Kotetsu-Taichou and she in turn prohibits smoking? It was a risk I wasn't willing to take.

Toushirou came back into sight before I could exhale. With the Squad member close behind, I quickly exhaled the huge drag as quickly as possible.

"It's an honor to assist, Hitsugaya-Taichou; please feel free to let us know if there is anything else we may assist you with,"

My eyes widened as she emerged behind him.

My ashtray slipped through my hands; clanking against the wooden floor and echoing in mimicry the now hollowed cavity of my skull. All eyes focused on me, but I couldn't move, and I couldn't think; my tunnel vision focused on one person only.

Her hazel eyes painted with streaks of silver and gold stared directly back into mine; focused, entranced.

My mouth moved on its own; formulating the one name I thought I'd never say aloud ever again.

"M-Miyuki,"


	19. Chapter 19

All I could do was stare at her.

I couldn't believe that it was her…it was  _actually_  her— _in the flesh_ —looking the same as she did several years ago. That vibrant, fair complexion hardly tainted by the Sun's harmful rays; her long, chocolate brown hair that framed her face and swept down along her neck; those eyes—the eyes I once made myself home in.

"Akinoyo-chan?" Rangiku softly questioned at the stunned silent atmosphere.

"M-My apologies for startling you, Kiteyama-san!" Miyuki bowed in sincere apology.

She rose back up; her fingers tightening their grip on the paper bag she held due to the uncomfortable state I left her in. The bag made a subtle crumbling noise that no one other than me could hear; I was so entranced in every single movement and sound from her now that it was like I'd had the keen focus of an owl about to seize her prey.

I wanted to run to her; to pull her into me and just sob. I wanted to ask her so many questions; why she did what she did, why she chose to leave, and ultimately why she didn't  _take me with her._

She looked up at me, doing her best to display a small, formal smile out of respect even though I'd already encouraged it to be wiped off her slender face.

"Forgive my informality—h-have we met?"

Her question registered, and immediately caused my throat to tighten and my eyes to moisten.

_She didn't remember me._

I looked away from her; my hands falling down to my sides and clenching into fists to control myself. It was stupid, but I…I couldn't help myself.

"Do…do you know who I am?" I managed to question back.

She seemed confused by my question, but stated the obvious as formally as possible. "H-Hai; you're Kiteyama Akinoyo—correct? Kotetsu-Taichou sent me to deliver your medication,"

"I…I see," I mouthed out.

Kami this was hurting more than I ever thought possible.

My hands instinctually began preparing my coping mechanism; one took hold of the metal tin and the other shakily, and as delicately as possible pried off the lid. As I scooped out some tobacco directly into my kiseru, she cleared her throat to clear the atmosphere before speaking.

"It's nice to meet you; I'm assuming that Kotetsu-Taichou informed you about me, but nevertheless, I'm Nankai Miyuki—it's nice to meet you," she leaned slightly in effort of a soft formality.

"Kiteyama Akinoyo."

I tucked away my tin, and quickly struck a match. I'd just finished smoking but my nerves were an absolute wreck; the list of issues to bring up if I ever saw a therapist just kept getting longer and longer.

She took a half-step forward, to which I subconsciously took a half-step back. I didn't mean to do it, but I just couldn't…

"I'll go ahead and explain your medications," she managed through the awkward atmosphere. "There are two for you to take daily, and one as needed," she reached into the paper bag, and took out the first blue container.

"This one is to fight off infection—take it once a day after a meal." She put it back in and took out a green one. "This one is to aid the healing process as well as help replenish your reiatsu—take it once in the morning and once at night," she took out the last one, colored in yellow. "This one is for pain. Now that we aren't administrating pain relief through an IV, you will need to take this as needed, but no more than four times per 24 hours. You may experience nausea and dizziness, however the side effects should subside within a half hour or so after consumption."

I nodded so she could see my acknowledgement while I shakily took a drag, and she held out the bag toward me. It took everything in my power to keep up my already poorly kept façade as I seized the bag quickly. She shifted uncomfortably at my swift movement, and—albeit it being my own fault—her subtle shift made the emotions I tried sowing shut tear at the seams.

"Thanks," I sounded lowly.

"You're very welcome," she replied eloquently. "I'll be on my way then; please enjoy the rest of your day," she forced a smile and quickly bowed toward me along with the others. "If you will excuse me,"

She began to turn, but quickly halted in what seemed like remembrance.

"Ah, my apologies! I neglected to also inform you that I will be the one tending to you for the next several days. Per Kotetsu-Taichou's request, I will stop by every other day to check your vitals and make sure you are recuperating without difficulty."

Wait. She…she was going to  _what_?

She turned to Toushirou before continuing as my brain imploded at her statement. "What time would be a good time for me to visit? It would be better if I checked her after a meal time, so perhaps after breakfast or lunch?"

"After lunch would more than likely be the wiser choice—how about 13:00?" he bargained.

"Perfect! That is actually the best time for me as well," she smiled up at him.

Kami—what did I do?

"Well then, I don't believe I've forgotten anything else—I'll be on my way then. Enjoy the rest of your day, Hitsugaya-Taichou, Matsumoto-Fukutaichou, Kiteyama-san," she nodded at each of us.

"Matsumoto will escort you out; thank you for the delivery," he nodded.

"Miyuki you said it was?" Rangiku began as she strode toward her—Miyuki fell into her flank as Rangiku complimented her hair; Rangiku steadily strutting into her default conversation starter as a non-alcoholic coping mechanism for the awkward.

I could feel Toushirou's eyes on me, but I didn't look up at him. I knew what he wanted, and I knew he was about to formulate the question no doubt all of them wanted answered.

I bent down to a knee to quickly sweep up the ash from the ashtray I dropped.

"Akinoyo,"

I didn't dare look up at him. I held the kiseru between my lips; held in a firm position by my teeth as I continued cleaning and evading eye contact. I didn't want to talk to him about it; I wanted to cry until my eyes dried out, drink until I drown in liquor, and smoke until my lungs give out.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again—Kami is a cruel, sick bastard. He gave her back to me, yet gave me only an empty shell of her; a walking-talking reincarnation with absolutely no  _idea_ of just who she really was. Who she was in her past life, what she meant to others, and what she meant to  _me._ It was like my life was such a sick joke. First, I was the one with my memories zapped from me and zero recollection of anyone, now the one person that I kept fond memories of that I've bonded with and treasured for the past several years had  _her_ memories zapped? What else would you like to take from me, Kami?

"Akinoyo, stop," Toushirou broke me out of my trance—I didn't realize I was wiping at nothing.

I set the ashtray down, and cleaned my hands before taking a deep, shaky drag. I sat down at the edge of the engawa; leaning against the wall and letting my feet dangle off. I wanted to just be alone, but now there was no way I could even take a quick stroll. I knew better than to ask based on what Toushirou told me earlier, but maybe if I could finish inhaling this necessary cancer-causing, mind-numbing form of comfort, I could just go back inside and fetal-position myself in the corner. That sounded like the perfect remedy to this situation.

"So that's her," Toushirou sat next to me.

Oh Kami.

I took another drag; evading eye contact at all costs so that I wouldn't let my prior promise to myself break publicly. His hand set on my shoulder, and I stiffened at the touch that made all of my senses tingle and focus on the warmth exuding from his hand.

"It's okay to be upset," He said.

He didn't have to spell it out for me to know that he implied empathy; he understood the obvious, and understood the underlying pain that came with it. The only thing he didn't understand was just how deeply engrained she was in me.

Rangiku's footsteps came within earshot, and soon enough she rounded the corner with cautious concern. I could feel her eyes on me, but kept mine focused on the barren tree across the decently sized garden the two of them shared.

"Akinoyo-chan," she called—I took a drag as my response. She leaned down toward me, and set a hand on my shoulder. "I'm here if you need anything,"

I snuck a peek up at her; thanking Kami her gaze didn't make me feel obligated to explain the situation. Instead her gaze was warm; her sapphire eyes soft with understanding more than anything else. I pursed my lips in my own attempt to hold my emotions back.

"Thanks Rangiku—I appreciate it." I nodded.

"I can bring some booze if it helps!" she whispered with a covered mouth. At the curvature of my lips, and my short grunt of a laugh, she earned a stare of disapproval from her Taichou—not that she cared.

"I'll be back later to see how you're feeling—I have a few things to attend to. Need me to bring you anything else Taichou?"

"No; just make sure to report back to me at the end of the day." He instructed.

"You got it!" she winked. "See you both in a little while!" she left back the way she trekked previously, and was soon enough back out of earshot.

I took another drag; realizing halfway through my diver's breath that I'd smoked all of the leaves of my poorly prepared, quarter-filled bowl. I took the ashtray, and quickly cleaned out the kiseru before returning the instrument to my inner pocket.

"Come on, let's go inside,"

I nodded in reply; I wanted to get away from the spot she previously occupied immediately. The longer I was in the ghost of her presence the more likely I was to break, and I'd had just about enough of that lately. He took the medicine, and stood up first to offer his hand. I took it and let him help me up; squeezing his hand as we walked to help calm the emotional rush still consuming me.

I thought about the man guiding me forward through his home; my smaller hand securely held with enough pressure to provide unspoken emotional relief. Last night, I decided that  _he_  was going to take her place on that pedestal she previously inhabited. I'd set her to the side with recognition that she would still be a part of me, but with less immediate importance. I'd decided that right now in my life,  _he_ was more important to me than a ghost of my past. If anything, her lack of memory only aids the situation, and should help me get over relocating her quickly, but for some reason seeing her just…

He led me toward the bed, and helped me get back under the covers at the middle part of the bed. He settled the sheets comfortably atop me, and straightened out the rest of the sheets while I sat up motionlessly against the wall. Once he'd finished making sure that I was comfortable, he came to my side and held his hand out.

"Here, I'll put your kiseru and tobacco on the shelf for you," he offered—I took out the items and he walked them over to the desk.

I was so stupid; I was  _still_ letting her get the better of me, and she didn't even  _remember_ just who in the Hell I was. I put my face in my hands; taking deep breaths to attempt calming myself.

He sat next to me on the bed; leaning back against the wall next to me, and setting his hand on my lap in an offer for comfort. I leaned against him; resting my head against his shoulder as I tried to collect myself. I took more deep breaths, and closed my eyes as he weaved his arm behind me and pulled me into him.

"She was so important to me…and now she doesn't remember me at all. She-she's the reason I am who I am now; everything that happened made me into this… _this…_ " I let my hand fall over my face. "This fucking train-wreck you're currently dealing with."

"With the situation you're currently in, it's natural to have the reaction you're having; to also discover a close acquaintance no longer remembers you only worsens the situation. It's healthier to deal, and react to your emotions rather than casting them to the wayside. You're not wrong in feeling this way, and before you say what I know is going through your mind— _you're not being troublesome;_ I made you a promise last night, and I fully intend on keeping it."

I inhaled deeply to suck back in my tears, and took his free hand with my own to give it a good squeeze to mentally assist myself.

"Toushirou, you don't understand—it isn't as simple as you phrase it; the type of relationship I had with her at one point was my only means for existence. She was the only one I lived for; the only one I cared about; the reason I-I—"

I pursed my lips, and clenched my teeth as I mustered the courage to move his hand over my stomach.

"The reason I have these," I let out a shaky breath.

I thought about what I'd said to him the other day; that an emotion such as love, and giving up everything for a person was a waste of time. While my reasoning was in every way shape and form the default effect from what I'd been through, it wasn't fair for me to give my all to Miyuki and not to Toushirou. While I wished that I'd never have let myself fall back into feelings for anyone, it wasn't right for me to promise something and not deliver. If I was going to continue this with him, I had to make him understand.

"Toushirou, I need to be honest with you." I moved his hand back to my lap, and took a deep breath. "I really don't want to talk about this at all, but I need you to understand the relationship I had with her, and why she became so important to me. She was my only friend while I lived in that room; she was the only one that gave me the time of day, and made me feel human. She holds my first memories of experiencing emotions other than fear _;_  if I'd have been left alone, I fully believe that I wouldn't be here beside you right now. While she wasn't the one that saved me from the horrors of that facility, she was the one who saved me from deteriorating. Since day one she—"

Day one.

The terrible dream from last night that derived from actual memory I'd buried away. That was the day that I met her; the day that began my sick reliance on her as my only means of survival. The reason she came to me; the reason…that our enemy more than likely—

I sat up with such a fierce realization that I couldn't do anything but stare into Toushirou. He looked back at me in confusion, and I finally was able to take a breath and assess what I had to do more importantly.

"What's wrong?" he questioned.

The memory itself was a painful one, and one that I really didn't want to talk about. Hell, I didn't know  _how_ to talk about it without reliving it.

"I've remembered something that could be crucial to the situation. I shoved this memory so far back in the filing cabinet of obscenities that I didn't remember it until now. It could be relevant to what's happening, or it could be just some vile, disgusting fetish whoever captured me has. Nevertheless, it involves  _her,_ and is one of the main reasons why she became so important to me." I took a deep breath; my shoulders shivering without my consent.

"I told you that I wanted to give  _you_ my everything, and to do that, I need to overcome this. I just…seeing her just..."

"Akinoyo," He took my hand, and I turned to look at him.

"I'm here to hold your hand, remember?"

-x-x-

_My head hurt._

_I didn't know when I fell asleep, but I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to go back to that horrible nightmare, but if I didn't keep my eyes closed I'd have to recognize the pain, and I'd lose the opportunity to will myself back to sleep while I still had the chance. My neck felt stiff; as if I hadn't moved it from its current position for days—perhaps if I positioned myself more comfortably it would alleviate some of the pain. If I could just move my body—_

_Cold, slick surface rubbed against my bare shoulder; startling my eyes open from the unexpected icy touch of the smooth surface._

_The first visual my eyes opened to made my mind completely stop._

_What..._

_What was…_

_I was soaking in a reservoir of thick scarlet._

_My lip quivered in an attempt to formulate words. My body trembled as my limbs attempted to recede into me; failure when I realized my hands and feet were bound under the chest-level liquid I marinated in. What I thought was a dream…really happened?_

_My heart threatened to burst through my chest; the stupefied first level of fear now evolving into complete panic. My two oceans raged over their set boundaries; fresh abundant tears set in motion down my face in an reverse estuary effect. My yelping from my choked sobs couldn't be held back any longer; the evolved sobs ripped from my lungs in a terrified panic that echoed off the sloshing liquid around me._

_I thrashed and pulled as hard as my weak arms could at the restraints, but they were too durable for me to break through._

" _S-S-S-Someone help me!" I screeched. "Please! Anyone! Get me out of here, please!"_

_The door at the opposite end of the room slammed open ferociously; a shadowed man's hand still lingering against the door as he stood in the threshold. My violent jerking at the restraints halted and I cowered into myself._

_This was it._

_This man came to ruin me again, and damage me far worse than they did during my last consciousness. My breathing stuttered alongside the uncontrolled beating of my heart._

" _That's fucking right—you better keep fucking quiet," the man growled as he strutted forward._

_Upon his first step, my cowardice came into full effect—my body curling up as much as possible while I held my head down to evade any form of further conflict. Maybe if I just submitted he would refrain from harsher torture?_

_I listened as his footsteps grew closer to me; watched my own reflection in the blood ripple and blur with each heavy step he took. What was he going to do to me? Why was I in a bathtub of blood? What kind of blood was this? Was this the blood of other—_

_He stopped next to me on my left; the sound of his breathing causing every one of my senses aside from hearing to slow to a stop. My heart beat so loudly with each ticking second that it felt like an eternity had passed._

_What was he doing? Why was he just—_

_Without any form of verbal warning, he seized my forearm and jerked it in front of him. I tried to resist, but my strength compared to his was like an ant versus an elephant. Keeping my panic at a manageable, non-combative level wasn't going to last very much longer; as soon as he grabbed me, hysteria bubbled from within me, and all efforts to try to maintain myself were slipping away._

" _P-P-Please, d-d-don't—"_

" _Didn't I say to keep fucking quiet?" he jerked me so roughly my body slammed against the bathtub, and the my elbow popped temporarily out of it's socket; making me whimper and tremble beyond my control._

_At my torturer's body movement, I gained the courage through my blurring world to look toward him; the visual resulting making me swallow down any chance that I'd make it out of here alive._

_He gripped the knife unsheathed from his hip-holster firmly, and pointed the tip at my face. "You make this hard for me, then I'll have no problem chopping off all your fingers one by one," he threatened._

_I tried to muster enough courage to look up at his face, but my eyes couldn't steer away from the tip of the blade pointed at me, and the fear what a seemingly small point could do to me._

_I was done for._

_Whatever the reason was that they kidnapped me, raped me, and beat me didn't matter. There wouldn't be anyone here to save me. This man was going to savagely gut me like an animal; the liquid remnants I soaked in already said that enough as it was. While my trembling and terror hadn't dissipated, my mental fortitude was slipping now, and it was only a matter of time before I just didn't feel or think at all._

_At my lack of response, he moved the knife away from my face, and a pain I'd never felt before snapped me out of my trance. As I lurched out of subconscious, he pulled me back and continued; the point of his blade continuing to slice diagonally across my palm. I yelped and grunted from the pain; my fingers, toes, and teeth clenched so tightly I'd fear they'd break._

_Once he was done with the incision, he shoved my hand down into the liquid I soaked in. He held it there firmly, as if waiting for any type of reaction other than my wincing at the sting and burn the liquid had on the fresh wound. A few minutes passed like this—wordlessly—and the man finally took my hand back out to inspect the wound._

_He released my hand with a push, and it plunked down underneath the liquid harshly._

" _Drink it."_

_Drink it?_

_Drink…the…the—_

_At my lack of adequate response and execution, he took my hair in his hand and yanked me forward._

" _I said fucking drink it!" He shoved my head down into the blood, and held me there while I thrashed and struggled against him._

_I gulped in the metallic, iron enriched liquid by default; my nostrils and eyes penetrated by the same cold thickness that washed down my throat. My hands found the sides of the tub, and I used every ounce of my power trying to rise for oxygen. After almost a minute of one-sided struggling, he ripped me out; my sobbing gasps and choked coughs that followed causing me to thrash and struggle against him. At the act of—what he thought was—defiance, he promptly slammed my head against the rim of the tub._

_At the blow along with the lack of oxygen, the amount of nausea, and the complete overdrive my nervous system was in, my vision began to waver, and my breaths became heavier with each struggled inhale._

_The man moved his lips, but his words reached only deaf ears as I struggled to stay conscious. More footsteps rippled the fluid I soaked in, and before I knew it, two masked men fell into flank on both sides of the tub. They reached down to free my limbs from the restraints under the blood, and they heaved out my limp body onto the floor. Since I was completely unresponsive, they settled on dragging me by my arms out of the room as I slipped into unconsciousness._

_-x-x-_

_I startled awake to the dim sunlight illuminating the room, hitting something warm and fleshy on my way up._

" _Kami!" a female voice mumbled._

_As I panicked and heaved my breaths loudly, I took in my surrounding as my right shoulder slammed into the wall beside me. I scrambled back to the wall as multiple irritated moans rose from the half-naked female bodies sprawled out across the room._

_My thoughts fled through my mouth in tremors before I could even take a moment to assess the situation._

" _W-w-what is this? Where a-am I? What's going on?" I cried. "W-Who are you people? What are t-t-they—_ w-w-why  _are they—"_

" _Oi," the woman directly next to me growled._

_Now that my tongue ceased formulating words due to the tone of the woman rising up beside me, choking sobs began ripping through me beyond my control._

" _Stop that fucking crying," she warned; now fully facing me as she held her upper body up by her elbows._

_I couldn't help myself anymore._

_The scarring scenes that took place in my last waking moments rattled me to my core. The grotesque, horrifying atrocities that these men put me through set my mind and heart ablaze; the fear of them finishing me off the next time they felt like toying with me sending me into a state of complete audible hysteria._

" _Oi, I said to stop_ fucking crying!"

_The woman shoved my leg, and I crumbled at the touch. I receded to a fetal position, rocking back and forth in crippling anxiety through moan-like sobs._

" _Seriously, shut the fuck up—we're all trying to sleep!" she sat up now, squatting in front of me with thick anger radiating off her._

_I didn't respond; I was immersed in hyper-active wheezing and sobs to do anything or say anything. How was everyone else here so calm? Didn't they get the same treatment as I did? Weren't they all prisoners too?_

" _I swear to Kami, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'll beat you until you do." Another woman said._

" _Fucking Kami; I can't stand fucking new meat," another one said._

_Two hands took both my shoulders and pulled me forward to slam me against the wall. "Shut up!" The woman commanded._

_It was hopeless. The demons that kept playing the images on repeat in my head wouldn't stop; the only thing that felt like it would provide relief was the sobbing my body and mind could no longer control._

_At my lack of initiative to steel myself, the woman next to me slapped me in the face. I numbly took the blow; nothing compared to the Hell I'd been through._

" _That's fucking it!"_

_I could hear heavy footsteps coming my way; the floor vibrating with each step. The sound stopped in front of me, and the woman previously shoving me scooted back for the woman standing._

" _I'll give you to the count of three to get your fucking shit together. You take any longer, and I'll give you something to cry about." She threatened._

_I didn't even look at her; the demons held my attention and dominated my actions._

" _One," she began._

_I knew she was serious; I needed to stop, but I…_

" _Two,"_

_Now the panic was back. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. She was going to hurt me, and all I was going to do was accept her torment._

_With a scoff, and stretch in preparation for what she was about to do, she cracked her neck in anticipation of the next word that sealed my fate. I buried my face in between my knees and closed my eyes._

" _Thr—"_

_Quick footsteps, struggle, and a loud thump against the wall._

_My eyes shot open at the sudden movement; my surprise at it temporarily pausing my convulsing sobs as I focused on what was happening. Through my legs, an ankle caddy-corner to me and frontal faced toward the rest of the room took my attention. I mustered enough courage to look up with heavy eyes at the woman standing in front of me as my sobbing commenced once again._

_Fists clenched, and head turned toward the other woman holding her shoulder, stood a woman with mid-back length chocolate hair. Although she wore lingerie as everyone else, her body language meant business—she was ready for a fight, and ready to_ win  _that fight._

" _What the fuck do you think you're doing, Nankai?" The woman holding her shoulder said as she squared up with this_ Nankai _she aimed her words at._

" _Back down now if you know what's good for you. Just lay down and go back to sleep." Nankai cautioned; her gaze so intense on the other woman that I could tell just by looking at the receiving end's facial expression._

_A thick silence fell between them; the atmosphere so nerve-wracking that my sobs only intensified. The tormenter holding her shoulder scoffed as she rolled it to alleviate the pain._

" _You think you're so fucking bad-ass—don't you Nankai?" she turned to begin making her way back to her spot on the other side of the room. "The day will come when I fucking bury you, Nankai—don't you fucking worry." She turned completely, and began walking over the other females laying on the floor._

" _Keep her quiet, Nankai; if the handlers come I'm not taking the fall for your stupid fucking crybaby," she threatened before laying back down on the floor._

_The amethyst lingerie garnished heroine still standing tall in front of me loosened her guard; her left hand resting on her side while her right tucked some of her stray hair behind her ear. She turned to me; her unusually colored eyes entrancing me instantly. She turned and knelt down toward me, and I immediately buried my face back in between my knees._

" _Are you hurt?" The angelic voiced heroine whispered._

_I shook my head; still refusing to make eye contact, and breathing still completely sputtering._

" _I didn't think you would wake up so quickly—can you tell me your name?"_

_I was hesitant, but something about her voice made my breathing ease slightly; as if her voice itself was soothing. I mustered up enough courage to speak._

" _K-Kiteyama Akinoyo," I stuttered out._

" _Kiteyama Akinoyo," she repeated. "The northern mountains on an autumn night—its beautiful," she complimented._

_While the compliment made blush at the time she said it, and all I wanted to do was focus and disappear into the feelings the first complement I'd ever received left me in, the weight of my situation trumped over the bliss._

" _I saw what they did to you, Akinoyo-chan," she broke my train of thought. I lifted my head to look at her; my throat restricting from the thought._

" _My handler was in the middle of escorting me when he got the call—my blindfold was loose enough for me to see when they put you into….well," she paused at her own words; fear of saying the next crippling words no doubt causing her halt._

" _That was only four hours ago; I can understand your tears aren't just in response to the façade of this new dwelling. May I ask if you know why they did it?_

_I shook my head. "I-I don't know," I managed._

_She contemplated my answer before her next question. "Are you a valuable person on the outside?"_

_The reminder of the fact that I couldn't remember anything from when I woke up on the floor less than a day ago crumpled me again._

" _I-I don't know…I-I only remember my name," I squeaked. "I d-don't r-remember anything; W-Who I was, w-where I was—n-nothing,"_

_Much to my disbelief that I had any left, fresh tears escaped the rims of my eyelids—the tremors exuding from me panging me with more pain each time._

_The smooth, warm feel of skin gently met my shoulder; the comfort of the touch alone calming me in a miniscule fraction—but a fraction I was desperate enough to take._

" _I don't know what they want with you or why they would do something as horrible as they did a few hours ago, but I will say this:_ you're going to be okay. _You're here now, and I'm sure that translates into a respite from their goal at the very least. Take comfort in the fact that you're_ alive;  _you're here now,"_

_Her hand cautiously crept to my cheek; her fingertip moving some of the hair stuck to my wet face. I brushed her off; moving my face away from her and back into my knees._

" _W-Why are you being kind to me? I-I don't even know you,"_

_She paused for a moment, and her hand that lingered retracted back with her answer._

" _You've made me remember how hard my first day was; made me remember how much I shivered and cried alone…how much I wished that someone would help me,"_

_My sobs dissipated down to sniffles at her words; the ache in her own voice, and the sincere sympathy she showed me lifting my own pain enough to breathe. This woman—just what was she?_

" _I want to give you the choice I never had; the choice you will not receive from anyone else,"_

_I sneaked a peek at her, and she let a small smile form on her lips in response; the golden rays that seeped into the room dimmer than a match compared to the brightness she displayed in the small gesture._

" _Seeing you made me remember the thing I wanted the most—thing that I never had the opportunity to have. I feel as though you need it now more than I ever had, and that maybe you could let me be the person I've always wanted to be,"_

_She paused; her next words the first to make my heart quiver with hope,_

" _My name is Nankai Miyuki—can we be friends?"_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from the Author
> 
> Hello readers!
> 
> I re-read this story and saw all of the horrendous typos and grammatical errors, so I wanted to apologize for the inconvenience. I'm going to look into a beta reader so that this doesn't happen anymore, however until then, to prevent this from happening, I'm going to update ever 8-10 days rather than every 7. I may surprise you with an early update every now and then, but until further notice I'm going to be taking more time to make this story great.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, and thank you for your wonderful reviews! Hope you all have an awesome day!
> 
> -Vi


	20. Chapter 20

"After that, I grew a sick reliance for her; I considered her my everything, and crumbled like the broken child I was every time she held me. All I could think about to ease myself during all the other atrocities was her embrace at the end of all of it; curling up and just letting her soothe me with her kind words and warmth. I was so selfish back then; she was the one requested the most, and she was the one who worked later than the rest of us almost everyday. If anything, I should have been the one consoling  _her,_ but it was the other way around."

I took a moment to breathe from the several minutes of story-telling, and while I took the breaths, Toushirou asked the question I knew would be sure to follow. I didn't want to answer it, but I knew deep down that if I wanted to get over it, now was the time to do it.

"May I ask how she passed?"

The tone of the question was so soft; I was so appreciative of the tactful way he asked. It wasn't too blunt, and the tone of voice he used was very cautious; he knew I was sensitive about the situation—clearly—and so the baby step he made on the subject didn't cross too far over the line.

"She tried to escape one day. I had no idea that she was going to do it, and I had no idea who she planned on leaving with, but it most certainly wasn't me." I shook my head; the hurt from her betrayal fresh once again.

"She was caught though, and they brought her back to the facility almost instantly. They wanted to make an example out of her to all of us by beating her to death, and I reacted out of complete devotion even through her apparent betrayal. A few weeks prior to this, she told me about a small knife she kept behind the baseboard, so I took it and tried to save her—only to end up paying the ultimate price. They shot her directly in front of me like an animal, and I got to watch all the life drain from her eyes." I squeezed his hand at the memory of those hazel hues losing their lovely glow. I bit my lip and took a stuttered breath to steel myself.

"Although I failed in saving her, I took out the eye of the man mercilessly beating her during the struggle. That in turn earned me some time on a craftsman's table shortly after my first beating,"

I put my shaky hand over my stomach before continuing. "Amongst all the other atrocities that followed from Day One, there's only one that sticks out above the rest. This one that I can't bury away no matter how hard I try; no matter how many layers of fabric I wear, or how many mental layers I put on myself—the reminder will never cease to exist." I placed my hand over my stomach; ghost pain radiating off my scars with my words.

"The man I brutally mutilated in the World of the Living was the one who gave me these scars, and with his death by my hand—and now with Miyuki's appearance—I feel like these ghosts are just tearing at my defenses rather than standing idly by in sight; trying to just pull me into a void of mental detachment  _again._ "

His hand went over mine; that warmth from his palm on the back of my hand sending me those emotions of ease like it always did—the feeling definitely needed after reliving those events twice in one day. I took a deep breath to help myself ease; I felt terrible about bringing it up to him. I knew he said that he was here to hold my hand, but was it really okay to tell him things like this?

"I'm glad you trust me enough to confide a part of yourself that's been difficult for you to handle by yourself all these years. In regard to Nankai; the relationship the two of you had wasn't necessarily a bad thing. You only had each other—it makes sense to cling to someone in the type of situation you've been through. You saw her as necessary to survive, and let yourself take comfort in her as she did in you. It's only natural; whether it's a mother, a father, a sibling, a significant other, or even an animal, we are creatures bound by emotional necessity to an extent. It's not wrong to trust in someone and care for them." He explained.

"Her reasoning behind her abandonment is a question that I—nor she—can answer, but because the question remains unanswered, you have to take what happened with a grain of salt; perhaps she didn't have a choice, perhaps she had an ulterior motive behind it. I wouldn't let that diminish and taint the memories you have with her. It will be difficult now to let your memories stay memories with her presence, but knowing she's alive and well should provide at least a miniscule amount of solace—no?" he paused, and I soaked in his question.

He was right—somewhere deep down, I was happy she was alive and well—it was just the dangling that Kami decided to do that completely wrecked me. I nodded before he continued.

"And above all else, this could now be a chance for a new beginning; one that doesn't develop due to horrendous circumstances. However, that cannot happen if you have these remaining emotions toward her. While she is still Nankai Miyuki, it would be unfair to her to demand the same type of relationship. Time will be your ally; take the time to let yourself heal so you can avoid salting your wounds."

The way he phrased it—he was definitely right. I'd have to let myself simmer down, and let time pass to get over her. Hell, it was only last night that I'd officially decided that I was going to let these feelings fade, and I acted like it would be just a quick second to make it happen.

"Now, this will be harder to talk about, but it has to be discussed."

I gulped. I knew this was coming, but I somehow just wanted to be let off easy by just reciting the memory.

"I fully believe that what happened to you on the day you met Nankai has to do with why you were abducted. I know that you've told me all that you remember about it, but I must ask if the topic was ever brought up again—they didn't try to detain you again? It was only the one time that it happened?" he questioned.

"Yes. After that, the only thing that happened to me was drug inducement and rapes aside from these," I set my palm over my stomach again. "But I got these because of what happened with Miyuki; it was nowhere near as serious as it had been before; this was merely him extracting his revenge for the loss of his eye." I explained.

He paused to assess my words; the momentary delay causing me to stiffen for some reason—maybe it was just the topic in general?

"How did it end?" he asked.

The whirring of the electric handsaw sounded through my mind; shivers wracking down my spine at the harsh vibrating slices reverberating through my memory. It was honestly a miracle I didn't die that day.

"To be honest; I don't know how it ended. The last thing I remember before passing out was him slicing under my navel by hand. I remember explicitly how it felt when he did it; the strength behind his hand, the rough-eyed precision as he began gutting me like a pig…h-h-he said it was his f-favorite part,"

My hands went to my mouth, and my legs curled up toward me under the blanket. Thinking I was strong enough to talk about it aloud was a mistake. I was on the verge of tears, nauseous, and highly sensitive to the aching my words caused my wounds.

As I defaulted to forming the fetal position, Toushirou took hold of me, and cradled me in his arms. He didn't have to say anything, but I knew he felt terrible about bringing it up at all; his slightly shallower breathing told me that much already.

"He's gone now; it's okay, Akinoyo,"

"I'm so sorry, Toushirou," I sniffled.

"For?"

"For wasting your time like this." I pushed myself out of his grasp. "You've been here watching me since I've been out cold; I'm sure that you have a lot of things that I'm keeping you from doing already, and now I'm just throwing more of my insecurities on your plate? Sorry, I lack thought process before selfishly throwing myself at you."

He set his hand over mine, and leaned closer to me. "Nothing that you do could ever be a waste of my time—I'm yours, Akinoyo. Anything you need, and anything you want to talk about—I'm here." That same hand crept up to my shoulder, and his fingertips pressed gently into my neck as he drew near to rest his forehead against mine.

"You are mine; I want to take care of you just as you want to take care of me. You always seem to think that telling me things and opening up is a problem; you say it out of concern for me because you care. From that same place your concern stems—mine does as well. Every time you're scared, every time I see you shiver or cry; I want make things right. I want to see that smile—even if it's sarcastic—and I'd do anything to make that happen."

The blush on my cheeks was fierce; the uncomfortable heat making me cringe in fear that he could feel it radiating off my face. Kami I was lucky…

"Y-You've got to stop that, Romeo; you're encouraging tendencies too feminine for me to handle in my current state. I'm still having trouble recuperating from the swoon you left me in earlier."

"I can't apologize with sincerity for that; I enjoy seeing you experience emotions—even the feminine ones," he teased.

I held back a scoff. "You're terrible,"

"Am I really?"

I mustered up enough courage to close the distance between us in a quick peck against his lips; lingering at the spot a hair's breadth away.

"Yes."

His short exhale of a chuckle at my remark had my blush only amplify, and the fingers that pressed against my neck traveled upward so his palm could cradle my head—expectant shivers coursing through me.

He didn't say another word, but took my lips gently; the smooth, warm feel of his causing a hollowed, fluttered feeling to erupt from my chest. His kiss continued like this—gentle and at a slower pace. I felt a lot of emotion behind the movements; as if he were getting a message across by this new language transferring into me. His concern for me was true; his care, and every word he'd said proven by the sweet way he expressed compassion.

I returned the movements; taking all my energy not to just break down and cry tears of which I never thought I'd shed—joy. For someone to care about me this much was baffling; the fact that to him it wasn't a forced necessity, but an actual  _want_ to make me feel 'okay' was too much for me to grasp.

This male must be an alien—I can't come up with any other explanation. Regardless of the explanation though, it didn't change a thing—I couldn't get enough of him.

I deepened the kiss as a form of expressing my pent up emotions; twisting my body slightly to easily raise my hand to his jawline. I traced it until I met the angular end of it, and slid the rest of my hand up toward his ear; my fingers venturing into his hairline while my palm rested against his neck, and thumb against his cheek. I pulled him gently into me; taking his other hand with my free one and letting him squeeze me with more of that concern he displayed.

As the moments passed, the more in sync I became with him; the feeling of someone else unifying with me in such a simple movement making my insides quiver with a yearning I'd never had in my life. It promised so much for so little, and it wasn't a scam from a creepy trench-coated salesman; it was legitimate, and an offer too good for me to refuse no matter how much I'd convinced myself I wasn't good enough. The fact that a simple person could cause such a heavy emotion to penetrate so deeply in such a short amount of time was difficult to grasp, but I wasn't complaining in the least; I was loving every second of this—of  _him—_ that I never wanted it to end.

Much to my dismay however, he broke the kiss. While his lips lingered at the spot, his fingers traced down my neck in a feather-like graze, curving down my shoulder to halt at my arm.

"You should take your medicine; they haven't administered any to you today,"

I took hold of his collar; tugging the fabric closer to me as I whispered my needy response. "This medicine will work better than anything they could possibly give me,"

I took his lips again; smirking when I felt his own smirk form from my comeback. He reciprocated it; his fingers tickling my skin as he skimmed across my collarbone and deepened the kiss. That subtle, yet dominant intensity of his kiss had my mind clear of anything but the movement; the traces of lust accompanying it making me wish I didn't have a wound.

His hand took my cheek, and after a few more seconds of the gratuitous dance we both reveled in, he slowed down the pace to an eventual stop. He planted a quick, soft peck on my lips before pulling back to look at me. I held the eye contact for a few seconds before shying away; those damn feminine tendencies back at it again.

"If something like that could heal physical wounds, trust me—I wouldn't rest," he told me as his thumb grazed over my blush tinted cheek.

"I wish it could," I huffed, crossing my arms comfortably over myself.

He leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "You would've already been healed long ago," he smirked.

-x-x-

The rest of the day passed, and I slept comfortably in Toushirou's embrace through the night. I'd woken up startled a few times, but with Toushirou holding me and placing sweet kisses along my neck and up to my cheeks, I calmed down enough to fall back asleep in his arms.

I didn't like asking anything of the religious, non-existent figure in the sky, but—if he  _did_ exist—if he could just let me have this one I'd be eternally grateful. If the universe could just let me have Toushirou and not do something that would rip him from me in a horrendous fashion, that'd be great. The thought of losing this attachment scared me to my core—I knew it hadn't been very long, bug I couldn't go through it again; I don't think my heart could take it.

I woke up and curled into him when the morning sun peeked through the curtains of the room. He'd greeted me in the ritualistic morning fashion our language demanded, and I responded by pulling the blanket over us and reciting the complete opposite—I didn't want to get up; I wanted more sleep. He held me until I fell back asleep, and sneaked away to start his day while I refused to attempt beginning mine for at least another hour.

After waking me with breakfast, he went into his own home office to begin his daily work routine while I sat up against the wall my bed propped against; completely hating the fact that I was confined to this mattress. The only thing that was good about it, was the fact that it gave me a chance to sort out all my thoughts that raced through my head whenever I wasn't distracted by the gratifying physical attention Toushirou gave me. Although I preferred the later, it was for the best that I took a moment to figure things out and to think my way through this situation rather than reacting instinctually the moment shit hits the fan.

After about an hour went by of my brain repeatedly trying to figure out the situation in regard to the benefit of my capture to the enemy, my mind strayed to the sheathed blade resting atop the dresser. Toushirou didn't want me to get up without him there to help me, but since it was a short trek from the bed to the dresser, I rebelled to take the blade.

I tucked myself back into the bed; setting her on my lap and inspecting her as if it'd been the first time I'd ever laid eyes on her. Now with everything that's gone on between her and I, it felt strange contacting her. I don't know if it was cowardice, or the grudge I held against her for threatening Toushirou and Rangiku, but conversation just didn't seem promising. Putting aside my frailties about the situation, I unsheathed her and set her across my lap with her hilt on the right side. I half-expected to become possessed again as soon as I unsheathed her, but only a subtle headache resulted instead.

I thought about the last time we spoke, and wondered if I had to request her aloud or if telepathy would work. I tried the later lest Toushirou heard me from the other room.

Unnecessarily clearing my throat aloud for my mental conversation, I crossed my arms and closed my eyes.

" _Oi,"_ I began softly; making sure the casual attention-grabber didn't come off too derisive.  _"Are you able to hear me?"_

I waited for a moment; the silence in itself making me shift anxiously against the wall. As the moments passed without answer, I decided to try out my vocal chords.

"Oi," I repeated in the same fashion. "Are you able to hear me?"

Still nothing.

I sighed. There had to be an easier way of going about this—maybe I was doing it wrong?

I stared down into the slick silver blade; taking hold of it for a better view at my own reflection. Although I stared into my own reflection, her metal form itself was so pristine; the smooth surface that reflected my image clearly was impressive. I was used to my switchblade that only reflected my face in a blurred outline of color. Seeing her smooth surface reminded me of her flawlessly smooth way of speaking along with her majestic voice; the entrancement she set me in the first time she spoke made me jealous—I wish I had that affect in people without putting in a farce.

The reminder of the way she first spoke to me also brought back the reminder of her snide commentary that still is completely unappreciated. She had quite the gall—that's for sure. Her snide, and rude remarks reminded me of some pompous, snooty noble that was way out of everyone's league. Putting that feeling into words took away some of the affinity for her—Hell, maybe she was just ignoring me right now out of that bitter hate she had for me. Wait a minute—what if she was more of a bitch than I was?

" _You contact me, then insult me? This is the_ _penitence_   _you choose to regain my favor?"_

Well. There went any shred of tactfully starting a civil conversation. I set her down and closed my eyes to concentrate.

" _Can you really blame me, though? Our first introduction wasn't quite the best,"_ I responded in my mind.

" _Incorrect. Our first introduction was one of a kind; these ones of late have been what you've deserved."_ She corrected.

The effort it took to resist the urge to scoff required every fiber of my being.

" _Okay—lets try this again. Hello; it's a pleasure to be able to speak with you once again. I've contacted you in hopes to amend the situation I have zero recollection of, and to hopefully gain your acquaintance and companionship in due time. Slightly above my foremost need of communication and acceptance, I'd also like to address the situation we're currently in. On the off chance that your recent possession over me hadn't made it clear; we're a wanted party by an unknown, and surely evil entity. I'd like to discuss tactics to evade a second capture, and to hopefully come up with a way to end the situation entirely. If you'd be so kind as to give me the pleasure of working with you, I promise I'll make it as bearable as possible."_

There was silence between us, and I took a breath during the pause to ease the mental stress.

" _Your lack of sincerity is repulsing."_

Are you…fucking serious?

" _Okay then—fine. You wanna play hard ball? We're in danger right now, and if I get captured—_ you  _get captured. Guess what happens when that happens? Physical and mental torture along with beatings, rape, and oh yeah, assisting a fucking psychopath in some way shape or form to annihilate everyone! Does any of that sound good to you? Does It sound like cold beer on a hot summer day? Well it isn't! So stop your fucking games and get with the Kami-damned program before we end up getting killed!"_

I'd had it with her. She needed to stop her childish ego before we ended up getting fucking annihilated by the unknown. Her cooperation was so fucking pertinent it hurt; if she refused to help me, then I'd be completely shit out of luck—Toushirou can't guard me forever; I'd be a sitting duck.

" _So be it then. If this new persona of yours continues to run amuck, then I will have no part in it. You can have your impeccably lazy guardian take care of you—I refuse to help this repulsive, uncaring, and selfish konpaku you've become. Perhaps if you hadn't betrayed me, I would be more inclined to assist you."_

"Okay—that's it!" I grunted aloud as my eyes shot open and I held her up in front of me.

" _I am sick, and fucking tired of you repeatedly accusing me, and condemning me to Hell for something I don't even remember doing! Why don't you grow a pair and tell me just what in the fuck I did—and how I did it—so that at the very least I can combat the fucking vendetta you have against me! Or are you too much of a stubborn, arrogant, pontifical, single-minded butter knife incapable of grasping the intensity of the fucking situation you're refusing to assist in?"_

Oh that got her.

An aura of visible juniper radiated around her blade; the anger that seethed from it slithering around my throat. I heard hurried footsteps heading in my direction, and right before they reached the entryway she spoke.

" _So that is what you think of me? That I am holding a grudge against you to satisfy my own egotistical nature? Fine. You wished to know what you've done to me—to_ us? _"_

The shouji doors slammed open; Toushirou assessing the reiatsu radiating from me and why.

"What's happening, Akinoyo?" he asked.

Before I could answer, she interjected.

" _Consider your wish granted."_

-x-x-

My eyes opened to darkness; the sound of dripping water present, and the soft ripple of water against my leg reviving my senses. I blinked and rubbed my eyes in hopes that my pupils would adapt to the darkness; the graceful voice of my inner entity invading my eardrums as I tried to collect myself.

"Stand, Akinoyo." She commanded.

I opened my eyes to the murky seaweed green water beneath me; amazed once again by the fact that I didn't sink down into the thick darkness below. Perhaps it was my zanpakutou's doing that kept me above the water? I pushed myself to my feet; no trace of the wound I'd received on the outside plaguing me in here. Once I got to my feet and stood properly; my blinking eyes took in the familiar flooded scenery. As I turned to get a full view of this world within worlds, my eyes stopped at the majestic being before me.

She was beautiful. Too beautiful for me to accurately comprehend.

Her stature was similar to mine as far as build is concerned—albeit she was somewhat taller than I was—however, it was her skin and toned muscles that made her different. Her skin was almond pale and smooth, yet her aura and light muscular complex implied unspoken strength. Her skin was clean, yet her body implied a tolerance that didn't make sense in this flooded world around us. The light muscle tones and tough skin made me feel as if she were used to the rugged natural world, and could handle living in a savage wilderness with grace and dignity, but it completely didn't suit what this world was. Overall however, her fit physique suited the prior eloquence in her words; the characteristics of a seasoned, yet regal monarch.

Her clothing matched the same characteristics; the fabrics snug on her skin and weaved in the patterns of her guard by slender vines in a loose lace fashion. The fabric began under her naked shoulders; a deep, earth colored garment that draped over her well-endowed cleavage just beneath her chiseled collarbone before hugging her torso and down her hips. The fabric of her seductively tasteful gown ended along her upper thighs with torn and tattered edges, yet it made the garment match the impression the rest of her body gave me. Over the gown and draped over her bare shoulders was a moss-colored cloak that connected by a gold broach over her chest. The broach was her insignia; mirroring in exact precision the shape and design of her darkened gold guard.

Her hair was a burnt cedar color; mid-back length with light waves throughout the strands that rested down either side of her neck. Although the deep wooden color of her hair was the darkest feature about her, it radiated off her in a matte glow; the healthy strands thick, strong, and honestly far more astonishing than any hair I'd ever seen. Atop her head was a crown composed of dried roots and garnished with decayed lavender thistles. It stayed firmly in place by the layers of hair that weaved through it, and disappeared completely into her high-volume hair so only the front displayed. Although the crown was a huge-eye catcher; what caught me was the intensive gaze from her radiant orbs.

Her eyes reminded me of a cool Autumn's eve; umber with an undertone of mahogany, and a subtle taupe color beginning from her pupils and painted outward in soft, lifted brush strokes. Her eyes combined with a slender facial frame and naturally pale pink primrose tinted lips, had me entranced almost as much as her voice did—this Woodland Queen leaving my mouth agape.

She stared into me, and at my returned gaze of awe, she put together that I could finally see her. She approached me in a confident stride; her hooded cloak lightly fluttering behind her and the connecting broach reflecting the faint moonlight in a matted glisten.

"This place used to be beautiful; a lush forest cradled within the granite crescent mountains. The sun would rise and illuminate the land with rays of topaz and citrine; the water that once  _gave_  life cooled and refreshed the land rather than aiding in its destruction,"

She stopped directly in front of me, and I almost cowered from her fierce gaze.

"This land was precious; the perfect haven you once took solace in, the land you relied on more than all else, the place  _we_ found comfort— _my_   _home_. Yet even with your admiration for this land, you still decided to destroy everything; you chose to throw everything away—throwing no caution to the wind and letting everything here wither and die,"

"How?" I interjected. "I don't understand how I could do a thing like this; you keep saying I destroyed everything as if it was a choice—"

"It  _was_ a choice; you  _chose_ to do this to  _my_  home—to  _me_." She began with heavy disgust. "You lacked faith in me, and sealed me away like a worthless ornament! To add insult to injury; you chose to abstain from any remote thought of me until the point of complete amnesia of my very existence! Does my resentment toward you still seem unaccompanied by reason?"

Her words had such an angry façade to them; while it composed the majority if her words, and layered on thick guilt for my prior-self's actions, that guilt didn't compare to how I felt about the true emotion laced deeply in her words— _hurt_.

I broke her intense visual contact and clenched my fists as I looked down into the water. While my argument was justified; it could never trump over hers. She had such strong emotional ties to the situation that it made sense for her to treat me with disgust and hate; I had only surface anger at the situation to go off of. But in my realization of this, I had only one trump-card that gave me a sliver of a chance at a rebound—the hurt in her heart. It's one thing to loathe someone you don't know for disagreeable actions, but it's another when the oppressed has prior emotional ties to the oppressor.

She awaited my response; to which I couldn't string enough words together in the moment. While I knew what I had to do, it seemed like trying to excuse myself, or even apologizing was useless—it would only make her hate me more. She knew that I forgot about her, which means that she more than likely knows the situation—how was I supposed to construct my rebuttal?

"Now do you understand, Akinoyo?" She broke the silence. "You deserve every last drop of cruelty for what you've done; you deserve every ounce of punishment from me that I can bestow. Yet now you expect my assistance? Allow me to make this perfectly transparent to you, Akinoyo; the only reason I have assisted you thus far has been to deal my hand of anger and resentment toward you. I broke through the last entrapment you've set to express my irreconcilable loathing of you. Now that I've risen, and satisfied the need simmering for the past five years—I want nothing to do with you."

My eyes widened at her closing sentence. I looked up at her with a horrible hurt that I couldn't suppress. The sliver of chance I had just shrunk down to a quarter of what it was; now my pessimism darkened the candle I held to the optimistic—

"However," she interrupted my manic thoughts. She rested her hand on her hip, and shifted her weight to her right side in a miniscule increment; her body-language tainted by heavy distaste in what she was going to say.

"Although we are one, I am  _not_ like you. I don't break my promises; I take pride in fulfilling them, and that pride never lets me go back on my word. For silencing your irritating, unintelligent banter from the past time; I fulfilled interrogation of the assailant as much as possible before his disappearance as the first part of our agreement entailed. Now, I will fulfill the seconding part by allowing you to  _try_ to make amends with me,"

Yes! She was going to give me a—

"However," she interrupted my premature celebration. "Your chances are lower than an injured insect's escape from a finch. While I heavily devote myself into the defense of the prey, for you  _specifically,_ I will be the fiercest of predators."

I audibly gulped.

"Come now, Akinoyo," she took a step forward; looking down upon me with a glint in her eye that rattled my insides.

"Show me that bright hope your eyes hold—I want to revel in the pleasure of watching it fade to black."


	21. Chapter 21

"Good afternoon, Kiteyama-san,"

My gaze faltered at her politely appropriate bow, and I passed a quick glance to Toushirou standing behind her in an effort to absorb some of the strength the man exuded on a regular basis. He met my gaze with his own; trying to piece together whether or not I'd be able to handle this alone, or if he should stay in the room to provide an invisible comfort from a distance.

"Good afternoon," I replied after the two seconds of disarray passed with a quick nod replacing a formal bow.

Miyuki's body language told me enough; she was forcing politeness and what I imagined was a warm-colored aura to provide ease for my demeanor. I felt so damn terrible about the last awkward meeting I'd had with her—she probably thought I hated her.

"How are you feeling today? Have you been able to rest?" she questioned with her cautious approach.

"I'm all right," I immediately answered with the best amount of undivided attention I could muster. "Yes, I was able to rest easily for the past two days,"

She set her small medical bag on the ground beside the bed, and I could hear the clasp open as she replied.

"Very good; rest is so important during the recuperation process. I'm happy that you're able to rest in a disclosed facility; sometimes our patient rooms can get a bit rambunctious," she smiled to attempt light, mindless conversation as a tension break.

"I would imagine," I responded absently.

I felt terrible at detaching myself like this, but it was still painful to wrap my head around the whole situation. While I took solace in Toushirou and his words, and let myself become immersed in the warm safety that the Ice King—ironic, no?—provided, when the subject came to combat me face-to-face, I was just as hopeless as I'd been on day one.

She took out a roll of white fabric—in which I assumed she kept some of her medical tools in to prevent the spread of germs to the equipment—and set it on the bed.

"My apologies Hitsugaya-Taichou, but I must ask you to step out of the room for the moment," she began as she reached into her bag to take out her stethoscope. "The examination will require the removal of her clothing."

Toushirou looked right at me; asking me with his eyes if I was really okay with this—with  _her_ —being alone with me, and on top of that being okay with my fear of others seeing the freakshow hidden under my clothing. He'd said before that with the others that monitored me, he hadn't let them see anything but the actual wound—my resolve dwindled at the thought of her  _specifically_  seeing what she caused in her previous life.

I blinked and drew in a deep breath as silently as possible. While I wanted him to hold my hand quite literally, it was for the best if I took this bull by the horns as much as possible. I gave him a quick—and more than likely hardly convincing—nod, and he responded back after my strained reply.

"Please let me know when I'm able to re-enter; I'll be within earshot."

He was very subtle about it, but even I could tell that it was an order rather than a request. While I partially felt bad for Miyuki, at the same time a blush wanted to tint my cheeks at the stern concern that he displayed with the statement. As much as I wanted to allow myself to gush externally at the display, I had to keep reminding myself that this happening between the two of us wasn't public knowledge; I needed to keep my cool about it.

"Hai, Hitsugaya-Taichou; thank you," She turned and quickly bowed in respect.

Toushirou exited the room; sneaking a quick glance at me with his eyes that he wasn't expecting me to catch. I appreciated that he wasn't lingering and promptly filed out; he understood that I was attempting to slay this beast on my own. He tried to hide the glance so that I wouldn't lose confidence, but in all honesty it made me feel like he was rooting for me on the side-lines, and ready to jump in as back up if anything. I had to resist the blush  _and_ smile now.

"Okay—ready, Kiteyama-san?" Miyuki caught my attention—I snapped back into the battle I had been prepping myself for.

I nodded and abstained from a gulp as I sat forward.

"Please come to the edge of mattress before undressing—do you need assistance?" she asked—I shook my head.

"N-No, I'm okay."

Kami it was already happening—I displayed fear. Get it together!

I untied the winter haori I wore, and as it slid off my shoulders, she leaned toward me to take it and set it folded on the side of me. I untied my obi, and slid the warm yukata I wore down my shoulders to rest crumpled around me. Her eyes flickered to the morbid painting across my torso and I subconsciously crossed my arms over the area in embarrassment.

"That's good," she began as she fixed her stethoscope. "Most people with torso wounds have difficulty with their garments for the first few weeks; Kotetsu-Taichou is wonderful—isn't she?" She smiled warmly.

While hearing her voice in general stabbed at my soul in a monstrously vicious fashion; I suppose her attempt at idle chatter broke some of the awkward—I was grateful for it.

"She is," I agreed.

"Okay, I'm going to check your heart and lungs first, then I'll inspect your wounds,"

She took hold of the flat, circular metal hearing aid and placed it over my heart; the reminder of how I took comfort in  _her_ heartbeat for years making my own beat faster in her ears—Kami I was so atrocious. She removed it from over my heart and placed it over my chest in several places as she commanded me to breathe deeply; the inhales actually helping me calm down my anxiety levels.

"Very good," she said under her breath softly.

She took off her stethoscope, and set it back into her bag before making accidental eye contact with me when she regained proper posture. The corners of her lips turned up a shy sheepish smile at the contact; a faint clearing of her throat to precede her next sentence.

"Has the medicine bared any unusual side-effects?" she questioned as she put on a pair of disposable gloves.

"Nothing aside from the ones you warned me of," I answered quickly.

Kami it was either I stuttered, or I moused my reply. Stupid, stupid, stupid—

"That's good to hear. Every person reacts to things differently; since we haven't administered this medication to you before, I personally felt skeptical. Kotetsu-Taichou continues to amaze me though; she always out-wits me, but that just makes me admire her more." She smiled genuinely. "Please lean forward; I'm going to inspect your shoulder next."

I adhered, and fought the shiver her spandex fingertips invoked as she touched my skin.

"You seem to really enjoy her as your Taichou," I improvised a cool, collected tone. "I don't know her too well, but she seems very kind."

"No signs of scarring—nice," she mumbled to herself before rising back up to frontal face. "And here I hoped I wasn't gushing too much," she giggled sheepishly—geez she seemed like such a fragile little thing compared to the strong Miyuki I knew prior. "My apologies; I admire her medical skill so much that I can't help some of the admiration from trickling out."

"It's fine; there isn't anything wrong with admiring someone," I hoped to ease. "It's nice to have someone to look up to."

I caught her face lighting up at my encouragement, and my own mimicked partially due to the unusual comfort I was subconsciously providing.

"I agree; please sit up straight, and place your arms at your sides," she ordered.

Well here it was—the moment of truth. The full visual of my nightmare was about to distort the facial expression of the root cause. Something about  _her_  seeing them was different from how I felt about others seeing them—maybe she was the only one I  _wanted_ to see them? I couldn't conclude whether it was that I wanted a ghost's acknowledgement of the result of my heroic action, or if I wanted sick pleasure derived from a ghost's guilt. Whichever it was, it was foul even for me—I hated myself just for thinking of such a spiteful thing. Above all else however, her visual contact with them made me want to lurch for the covers and hide beneath them.

I untucked my arms out or their protective weaved-barrier, and had to bite down my inner lip to refrain from losing it. I looked away before glimpsing her facial expression with full expectation of the worst; the questionable gaze or the face of disgust or the overly dramatic concern—the ultimate change in facial expression making me want to just numbly check out of this entire situation until the moment where I could just unleash my relentless depression.

"I find that admiration leads to creating goals for greater achievements," she said as she removed the bandage.

Wait. Where was the uncomfortable shift in aura?

Her warm fingertips grazed next to the wound as she spoke, and at my own disbelief at the lack of reaction, I took a quick skittish glance—only to double-take at her facial expression.

Nothing.

There was no change.

Her eyes rested on the wound, and the wound only; her hazel orbs focused on the stitch work keeping my skin together.

"I'm sure that perhaps there is someone in your life in which you feel the same?" she looked up at me.

Yeah—there  _was…_

I was staring right at her reincarnated form.

She unrolled her cloth of contained, sterile instruments; taking a pair of what looked like long tweezers out along with what looked like folded gauze. She took out some sort of liquid, and soaked it into the gauze before leaning to swab it.

"Hitsugaya-Taichou seems very admirable; offering his hand to assist personally is something most Taichou wouldn't do—you're extremely lucky to have a wonderful Taichou."

I blushed. She was right, but there was a huge difference in reasoning; granted, I wasn't complaining about the difference, but I think that if there wasn't that emotion behind it, I would've left and been in Rangiku or Kuchiki-Taichou's house right now.

"He is," I responded through grit teeth from the cold, slightly stinging liquid. "I do admire him; if it weren't for his kindness, I wouldn't be here right now,"

I didn't want to comment on the fact that he technically wasn't my Taichou. I didn't want to get into the full detail of the situation because we were supposed to keep everything tight-knit—who knows if Kotetsu-Taichou informed her.

"They say that a single act of kindness spreads roots—roots that run far and wide to sprout new trees. It pays to be kind; the better place this world would be the more people are,"

She finished the swabbing, and tucked the instrument in a new cloth so she didn't taint the others. She reached into her bag, and as she fiddled I thought about my own action toward her the last time we met again. She didn't deserve that—she didn't even know me. Her words in these brief moments proved that she was just an innocent, and caring person that got a taste of my rude personality unnecessarily. I hardly ever felt bad about the effects my attitude and vulgar personality had on others, but her in general was such an exception it hurt—the worst was she didn't even know why.

She patted my wound lightly to help the liquid dry, and as she did I mustered up all my courage to speak.

"About the last time," I blurted out—she waited for my continuance before reacting as she continued to blot the wound. "I'm sorry if I offended; you look like someone I once knew, so I was a bit taken aback," I began to explain.

She took out bandages to dress the wound, and at my struggled continuance in my intended layered explanation; she smiled and chose to interject.

"That makes more sense; I was a bit confused, but it's clear now. My apologies for getting your hopes up,"

"No, no—there's no need for an apology on your end. I was the one acting as if you had the plague; you didn't deserve that,"

The plague? Really?

She giggled—that same giggle that brought back the memory of my insides churning with fleeting happiness—before she responded. "Not to worry, Kiteyama-san; I wasn't offended. I hope that you can find your old acquaintance,"

She sealed the bandages, and began putting all of her tools away.

"I'm sure that seeing an apparition of someone must be difficult,"

Kami, if you could have her not say things like that I'd  _really_ appreciate it.

"However—aside from the unfortunate misplaced hope—the thought of the former, precious ally must have stirred at least a small bit of pleasant nostalgia I hope?" she smiled.

Her optimism hasn't changed—that's for sure.

"I suppose so," I commented lowly as she brought her bag up to the bed to close it properly.

"Your check up is complete for today, Kiteyama-san; you can go ahead and put your garments back on." She smiled.

I nodded as I took a—what I hoped was silent—deep breath. I picked up the yukata and pulled it back over me as she continued to speak.

"Perhaps with that kindness and encouragement from Hitsugaya-Taichou, you can once again regain contact with your beloved acquaintance—the feeling of a loved one's absence isn't a pleasant one."

I tied my obi as she continued.

"However, now that you've tasted the absence, perhaps now it will give you even more of a reason to hold on tight, and never let go again," she smiled.

I stared into her soft features; those hazel eyes lit up in warm innocence and a small, radiant smile on her lips.

To never let go again?

My confidence; my lack of strength…

I thought of Toushirou; the way he held me, the way he helped me in my darkest hours—the strength that radiated off him in a powerful reassurance. The fact that he  _had_ the power to do that…the power  _I_  needed to have...

"Right, Kiteyama-san?"

The person I couldn't protect…the person  _I let go of._

I broke eye contact; hiding my guilt behind a smiling façade I used for work.

"Right."

-x-x-

"Come now, Akinoyo," she took a step forward; looking down upon me with a glint in her eye that rattled my insides.

"Show me that bright hope your eyes hold—I want to revel in the pleasure of watching it fade to black."

I stared into those stern umber eyes; the hues painted with such disgust toward that made me want to cower down into myself and never resurface. It seemed so pointless now; her hate was completely apparent, and my demise was 99% imminent. How could I even  _begin_ to convince her to trust me? I had rationed out that utilizing the hurt that was the core of her words could be my best bet, but even that seemed like a slim chance now.

As I stared into those eyes however, I remembered what she'd said mere seconds ago; the predator versus the prey. She said that she normally sided with the prey, but that with me she was going to be the predator…perhaps if I…

Without the loss of eye contact, I took a deep breath.

"There is no possible way that I can convince you."

A small, snide curiosity flickered in her eyes, and I took that as a small sign of actual acknowledgment.

" _You_ have to convince  _yourself_." I continued—her gaze faltering a miniscule increment.

"I sincerely—without any ill-intended words or undertones—apologize. I'm sure that I must sound as lovely as a broken record, however, if this is my final shot at remedying this crumbled relationship—even if you still deny me—I'm going to take it. I don't know what my reasoning behind sealing you away was, but clearly it was the wrong choice. I can empathize the feeling of betrayal from someone held dear; I can  _relate_ to that cold, dark emptiness that becomes you."

"You go through stages of sorrow, anger, hate, numbness, and stick to the one most befitting. Mine was numbness; yours was clearly anger. And guess what? Both of our crutches make us cripple more in the end. While that pain that turned you into this bubbling mess is something that you never want to experience again, if you don't break through the cage you've put yourself in, it  _will_ close in on you, and you  _will_  be consumed by it."

"To be completely honest with you, I loathe asking for help. I've loathed any type of intellectual interaction for years, and the thought of letting someone even get close to that cage used to anger me, and  _still_ frightens me. With everything you've seen take place these past five years, it shouldn't be a shock to you to hear this from me; you said it yourself—I've rotted. While it infuriated me at the time you said it, I can't stand here and pretend it isn't true. Not only have I felt that way for the past five years, but I'm sure you've seen me deteriorate for far longer than that short amount of time. You're right; I've changed—I was a complete, and total ass that lived off bad habits and greedy tendencies. I treated others like shit, and never batted an eye—the pompous attitude I strived off of even though I was lower than dirt. And now with the recent life I took, I've become this weak, bubbling mess of a person; completely lacking that self esteem and pride I once held so dearly."

I clenched my hands into fists, taking another breath.

"But right now, I'm trying something new; something that I honestly don't deserve as much as I'm told I am; something that is so new for me that it makes me just want to succumb and cry rather than keep pushing. Want to know what it is?"

She stared at me with a surreptitious glint in her eye; I couldn't tell whether it was in my favor.

"I'm trying to better myself."

She audibly chuckled—I continued with my puffed-up, unfazed bravado.

"I know it's laughable—Hell,  _I'm_ laughable—but it's the truth. This is what I'm trying to do for the first time in my measly existence. I'm trying to change myself,  _because in changing myself_ , it will allow me to open new doors; to experience new things and meet new people,"

I gazed down at the turquoise beneath our feet; focusing on the blue hues creating part of the color more than the dark greens that blended throughout. The blue reminded me of those aquamarine eyes I couldn't get enough of; reminded me of that cooling demeanor that soothed my soul. He was the only who truly encouraged this new way of thinking—he encouraged me to  _help myself._

"So, you've come to me for a selfish reason as that—helping  _yourself._ It's all that clearly matters to you—"

"That's not the whole reasoning," I interjected.

"Oh?" she swayed her weight in cynical amusement. "Please elaborate."

I thought about Miyuki; thought about how I felt when I saw the life drain out of her eyes because I couldn't save her. I thought about the woman attacked by the Hollow that mirrored the experience shortly after the encounter. So far, that's two people that I couldn't help; two people that  _lost their lives_ because I wasn't competent enough. If I ever saw that again…if I ever saw that on Toushirou…

"In helping myself, I can help others. I can help the ones who don't have a choice, and don't have the strength; the ones I care about. I can help  _you_ ; we can grow together in a healthy—although I'm sure slightly difficult due to our personalities—relationship. It starts with me; I can't help others if I can't help myself—I'd do more harm than good."

"With this situation we're in, others can be put in danger—Hell, they  _have_ been put in danger. Because I am incapable of taking a stand, the ones around me have to do that for me; they put  _their_ lives on the line for  _me and you._ I know I'm an ingrate, but I  _refuse_ to have others fight my battles for me; it's one thing to assist—it's another to commandeer. With everything that's happened so far, I've had to let Toushirou handle the situation. Whatever he's said goes because I am unable to take control and defend myself—I am in danger by myself."

"You've seen what happens when I'm left alone; you've seen how miserable, and all around fucked up the past few years have been to me—you know that what I'm saying is the truth—am"

"Incorrect." She interjected—I shot her a curious look. "I have not been involved for these past years. When you sealed me away, I became completely disconnected from your world. I've been in here; drowning in the water flooding the land little by little over the years. I've only recently been able to destroy the last of the barrier you set; the only times that I have witnessed any of the events of the outside have been when you contacted me. Those headaches you've been experiencing have been the only times I've been able to see, or hear anything; all other times I've had no connection." She explained.

So then that means…

"So you don't know what happened then…do you?" I asked.

"Don't make me repeat myself."

I don't know why the emotion overwhelmed me as much as it did, but I took her shoulders without any thought process.

"O—"

"So you've been under the impression that I forgot solely  _you_? Nothing else?"

She pushed me off harshly.

"Yes, just me," she snarled. "You sealed me away—why else would you do such a thing other than to throw me to the wayside and dismiss my existence entirely?"

"Listen, I have to tell you this. The reason I don't remember you isn't because I sealed you away; I don't remember you because I can't remember  _anything_ from before five years ago. I'm assuming somewhere just after the time I sealed you away is when I lost my memory as well. As I'm talking about it, it's seeming more and more like it was ultimately the enemy's tactic—to seal you  _and_ my memories—"

"Hold on a moment," she interjected the beginning of my now panicked, rambling word-vomit. "Clarify this—you have no memory from before five years ago  _at all?"_

"Nothing aside from my name." I quickly answered.

Her facial expression changed entirely; sadness and guilt now her dominating features rather than that hate from before.

"If that is the case, then everything that has occurred over the past five years is now clearer than crystal,"

I clenched my fists as my uncontainable emotion controlled me. I stepped into her; the lack of space between us no longer of any concern to me—she could be mad all she wanted; I  _needed_ to know.

"What? What is? What happened?"

Those changed hues looked into mine; a look of regret that made my stomach drop from the anticipation of the disturbing news.

"You lost faith, and reacted by default," she paused.

"You…purposely erased all of your own memories."

All I could do was stare into her.

I…

I did this…

… _to myself?_

"I-I don't understand," I mumbled as my fists and head dropped with gravity. "W-Why would I—"

Her hand set over my shoulder in a completely unexpected turn. I held myself together as best I could; the overwhelming entirety of the situation drowning me in complete disquietude. I was shaking at my own frustration; like the first stages of a pot boiling over and spilling the volcanic liquid to destroy whatever it splattered against.

Everything that happened to me…

_Every single fucking thing that happened to me._

All my fear; all my heartache; my loneliness; my cries for help...

What was I—

"Akinoyo," she interrupted the beginning of my mental breakdown.

I didn't look at her, and at my lack of attentiveness, she took hold of my shoulders, and lightly jerked me to look up at her.

"You must hear my name, and call out to me immediately," the seriousness in her face penetrated my blank, crippling demeanor; her sharp gaze staring into me like daggers.

"Remember me well," she straightened.

Her lips moved, but no sound came from her; the five syllables her mouth formed no more than just a mere visual.

"Now, call upon me." She commanded.

"I-I couldn't hear you," I frowned.

She grit her teeth as her fingertips pressed into me with that anger and hurt. She sharply inhaled before letting out a breath to ease herself. She looked at me with that same look from earlier; that hurt and anger from before now tinged with determination and need.

"Heal quickly, Akinoyo; we have business to tend to immediately," she let go of me, and with one final gaze at my form, she turned around and began walking.

"Call upon me  _only_ when you've healed; your body and soul will need to be in perfect condition." She stopped and turned back around to me.

"This will be difficult, but you must regain our power—your world, and everyone you know depends on it."

She rose her hand up—pointed fingers aimed toward the sky—and in one foul swing, she plunged me into the water beneath us.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Readers!
> 
> Quick question; I'm debating if I should put a soundtrack together for this story. Would any of you be interested? I don't want to do it if no one is interested-I for one have to listen to music when I read/write, so I figured that maybe someone would appreciate It?
> 
> Thanks, and happy reading! :)
> 
> -Vi


	22. Chapter 22

The violent, gurgled hacking erupted in a thick red that splattered against me. The heaved and strained attempt at retaining life became less appealing as the seconds went by; the will to keep going that sparkled through the darkness became a slow flickering lightbulb ready to plunge into that smooth, time-slowing fizz before fading out completely. While some parts of me envied that sweet, slow release, the other part of me was grateful for what I now had—the wedge in the door that kept it from shutting completely.

As she crashed forward into me and painted me like an obscure artist possessed with seizure-riddled insanity, I took hold of the forest-haired female; allowing her to crumble into me with her final breaths. It was my fault she was in this state to begin with; it was my fault that I'd reacted out of the pure instinct of a cornered animal. If it wasn't for Miyuki…I…I don't think I would've—

"O-Oi,"

The female in my arms called to me; Toushirou steadily approaching as Miyuki's cries faded into the distance—my attention solely focused on the female inching off the cliff-side.

"D-Do the r-r-right thing…"

Her head tilted upward just enough so that she could move her retinas to the tops of her eyelids to see me. Those identical lavender irises that stared into my own stiffened me in a way I never thought possible.

She curved her mouth into a small, weak smile—her blood-stained teeth only adding to the anxiety ready to take me down in unconsciousness. Her hand shaking rose up toward me; her bloodied index finger stretched out and pointing at me.

"T-Take your life…before you…t-take ev-everyone's..."

-x-x-

Five days had past since my encounter with my zanpakutou. Once the visit from Miyuki was over that day, Toushirou of course was at my side and ready to talk about it. He'd held me when I needed him to; the parts where I began mentally beating myself to a pulp for taking my own memories from myself, the part where I panicked at my zanpakutou's parting words of alarm. I was so thankful to have Toushirou there with me; I'd have tapped out of this situation like I tapped out of everything else these past years—completely unhealthily.

I was completely enamored by how together he had it; while these problems presented to me were life-threatening, traumatic, and all around fear-invoking to the point of psychiatric breakdown, the way Toushirou was able to process things made me feel like it wasn't the end of the world. I knew he'd adapted to that way of thinking since he was a seasoned veteran of the Gotei 13, but it went beyond that; his natural mental fortitude saved him from plunging down into himself with all the fucked up things I'm sure he's seen and/or done.

With me however, that seemingly sub-zero temperature persona wasn't so cold. Granted, he spoke the truth and only the truth, but for some reason, with me he spoke easily and in a comforting way rather than harshly cut facts. While his linguistic choices—even with me—may come off as relentless to others, they didn't phase me in a way that made me wary—they made me grateful.

"If she's saying that it was a reaction by default, then we have to assume that you were in a situation that you knew the outcome of; you knew your enemy, and you knew that you couldn't escape. Within your memory was information too vital for the enemy to get a hold of; since you were in a situation where escape wasn't an alternative, you compromised on the one thing that would be the biggest hindrance to the enemy's goal—amnesia. Which only proves my previous theory," he'd told me then.

"You weren't captured at random; you were the specific target. As we already know with the Latin key-tag they possessed, and the Latin notebook found amongst your belongings—you had prior dealings with the enemy. It doesn't support the intel theory as boldly, however, since you were targeted specifically I can't say that the probability isn't higher than it was previously." He stated.

"Right; I'm on the same page with your theory. It completely disproves any chance of me being at the wrong place at the wrong time. The only thing that's driving me up the wall is  _why_ I had previous dealings with them. Just what in Kami's name made me so damn important to them? And what exactly did my memories hold that was so enticing to them?" I clenched my fists at the frustration bubbling within.

"While I hate to bring up hurtful memories; this has to be said," he paused—I readied myself for what I already knew was coming. "With the events that happened on your first day of memory, it only proves one thing,"

He rose his hand to my chest, and his fingertips gently pressed just under my collarbone. "There is something within you other than your memory they're after."

I gulped at the thought. It was enough to be wanted for informational purposes, but for something more than that?

He leaned in, planting a soft, lingering kiss before pulling back. "And it isn't the Akinoyo I myself am after," He leaned his forehead against mine.

While all I wanted to do was tilt my chin forward to continue delving into the one thing I wanted most, I knew that I had to continue forward.

"What brings you to that conclusion?" I questioned, holding back the stutter as much as possible.

"It's happened before; remember when I told you about Kurosaki Ichigo? The reason he first came to the Soul Society?"

"There was someone he was trying to save that ended up being a part of an even bigger plot—right?" I answered.

"Right; it was Kuchiki Rukia—your Taichou. She had the object Aizen Sousuke sought hidden within her—the Hogyoku. Aizen sought after it so badly that he deceived us all; his infiltration began at the beginning of his acceptance into the Gotei 13, and he operated in secret for many years before his plans came to fruition. Perhaps this situation is similar; this entity operating within our midst for longer than any of us expected all to get information on your whereabouts."

"At this point, I wouldn't be so surprised to find that out. All of this previous involvement is infuriating—especially since I have zero recollection due to my own actions. Kami, this had better have been for a good freaking reason," I shook my head in disgust.

His hand set down on my lap; the small motion comforting me as it always did, but the extreme disapproval of my prior choices still painted my face with self-disgust.

"I'm sure that your prior self made the best decision—a hard one, but overall one that she thought would be for the best. Take comfort and pride in the fact that you did something for the sake of others—above the tremendous personal sacrifice." He turned his palm up; asking for my hand to fill his.

My forefinger traced the lines of his rough palm as I stared blankly down at the invisible artwork. He was right; as much as it hurt finding out that all of this was my own fault, and the situation I was in prior at the World of the Living had resulted due to my own lack of strength—at least I did the right thing rather than taking everyone down with me. I wish I understood more of my reasoning, but that is literally impossible at the moment. The only saving grace in this situation is that now I have my zanpakutou that might be able to fill me in.

I stopped, and finally set my palm against his warm one as he originally intended; taking a deep breath before looking up at him.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. That optimism of yours somewhat wins this round I guess," I half smiled.

He wrapped his fingers around to gently press against the back of my hand. "It's only a matter of time before it wins altogether; don't get too comfortable in that pessimism of yours," he lifted my hand up to his lips; a gentle kiss warming my shaky hand. "I plan on escorting you out of there," he smiled up at me.

It was those phrases and gestures of his that encouraged me to just melt into acceptance; to just let myself sink further into this newfound emotion that he created within me. Out of everything in my life, this is the first time I  _seriously_ lucked out, and I wasn't about to let this slip through my fingers.

—

I felt well enough to be up and about today. I'd become absolutely sick of that damn bed, and needed to stretch so my legs wouldn't continue evolving into noodles. And with some begging on my end and pot-shot attempts at some  _infuriatingly shy_ pecks beneath the beloved male's jawline during an embrace, the stoic Ice-King melted enough to give into my wishes.

I lit up my kiseru with satisfaction from outside of Toushirou's front door; that first silent, deep drag easing me into a small smile as Toushirou fell into my flank. We walked slower than normal due to Toushirou's persistence that I take it easy, and I honestly didn't mind spending time out in the brisk atmosphere. It felt good against my face, and although I was shivering, I wouldn't trade a second of it.

We arrived at his office to lay eyes on a sprawled, passed-out Fukutaichou that reeked of the empty Sake jug on the ground beside her. Before I could save my fellow alcoholic, Toushirou got to her first.

"Oi!" He grumbled loud enough for  _even me_ to fidget.

One would think she would've shot up like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar, but instead she grumbled and rolled over.

"Nooo," she slurred out in a weakened, tired voice. "I don't wanna; I don't feel good," She pouted in a whiney tone before she snuggled with the pillow she'd taken in her arms.

"This is what I get when I work from home?" he countered with a thick anger that hid behind slight professionalism—I couldn't help snickering behind him.

To my surprise, he made his way over to his desk instead of straight-up yelling at his Fukutaichou as I thought he would. Was it because I was here? If so, my drinking buddy lucked out big time.

"Here," he began; making me turn my head to look at him from where I lingered at the door.

I scurried over to him, trying to be as quiet as possible for the hungover sleeping beauty.

"You can organize these papers for me so that I can have my lazy Fukutaichou pull an all-nighter tonight." He handed me a stack of paperwork.

I actually was looking forward to helping him with work; I'd been so damn bored lately that I wanted some type of distraction from the unsettling thoughts that ran through my mind all day.

"You got it," I quietly responded as I took the papers—he didn't let go of them at my response.

"There's no need to be quiet;  _this is an office after all—_ a place _meant for working,"_  he rose his voice with the words.

I could hear Rangiku moving slightly; I had to purse my lips to keep from giggling.

"Hai, hai, I got it." I smiled at him.

He let go of the papers, and I made my way to the couch. I pulled the small table forward and used it's space to begin making the piles; I was already used to this since I had helped him do this before. I wish I could help him fill it all out, but the paperwork that stacked up now could only be completed by a Taichou or Fukutaichou—he promised that I could help though with any other documents as they came though, so I  _guess_  that's something to look forward to.

At Rangiku's light stir to gain a comfortable position; the movement caught my attention. I studied her features; her disgruntled face trying to stamp out feeling like shit from the hangover—it made me crack a smile. I'd been there so many times; I enjoyed the small fraction of time I got to recuperate, and the fact that I no longer had to deal with recuperating amidst twenty other women in my personal space. When I looked at her, for some reason it made me feel like things would be okay; like  _I_ eventually will be able to drink for fun,  _not_ out of desperation to escape the tragic environment so I could feel somewhat human—er, normal?

I scoffed; the sound earning me a quick glance from the ivory-haired savior—I purposely avoided eye-contact. I blame him entirely for these weird thoughts of slight optimistic comfort. It was all his doing; all this smiling I'd been doing lately was all because of that gorgeous jerk. Kami I was getting soft…I needed to knock that shit off immediately. I glared up at him; he was writing something down on the table.

"What?" he asked without even looking up—damn.

"Nothing." I quickly responded; trying my absolute best to mask the huff after my one-worded answer.

Okay, so technically that way of thinking and losing that hard exterior  _is_   _healthy—_ is it weird that it feels wrong though? Isn't that what all pessimists say though? Maybe I should take baby-steps…maybe if I limit the softening to only in his presence it wouldn't feel so weird and pride-stripping. Eh, who knows.

"Hitsugaya-Taichou; permission to enter, Sir."

The voice scared me half to death because I didn't even hear anyone approach—damn fellow shinigami and their kami-damned flash-steps.

"Enter." Toushirou responded.

Promptly the messenger entered the room; kneeling down in a crouched position of respect as he continued.

"The Soutaichou requests you immediately. It is a matter of urgency; please report to the chambers at once with Kiteyama Akinoyo."

Well. If that didn't raise hairs...

"Thank you—you're dismissed." Toushirou rose as he spoke.

"Excuse me," he replied before vanishing.

Toushirou looked at me only to meet my panicked gaze—just what in the Hell was going on?

"Matsumoto." He said rather loudly with a serious tone—she rose without a fight.

"Hai, Taichou." She responded formally. "Your orders?"

"Accompany us to the chambers, and standby outside—you know as well as I do that nothing is ever urgent with Kyoraku." He headed toward the door as he re-positioned his zanpakutou.

"Hai." She responded as she grabbed her zanpakutou as well.

I just stood there motionlessly. For the two of them to have this sort of edge, and for the implication that the laid-back Soutaichou was perturbed meant something  _really bad._ And on top of that, if these all-powerful Taichou and Fukutaichou were worried, then I  _definitely_ had shit to be worried about.

"Come, Akinoyo," Toushirou called as Rangiku exited.

I straightened up and shook myself out of it as I scampered to the door. As soon as Toushirou locked the office, he picked me up and we were off in less than a second. As the winds rushed at me, I buried myself in the crook of his neck and tightened my grip. I nuzzled myself into him abnormally, and at my action he responded.

"You're safe, Akinoyo; it's only a summon." He said just loud enough for me to hear—my demeanor didn't budge.

"I know, but it doesn't alleviate the anxious lump in my throat—what do you think he's going to say?"

"I can't say for certain, however, we can rule out a full invasion as being one of the reasons. While there is most definitely someone on the opposing side hiding among us, the fact that a war-time decree has yet to be announced means that we're still somewhat safe for the time being. My assumption is that we have a new lead; it's the only assumption that's for certain." He explained.

Since I was going, a new lead was obvious. I guess I half-expected something tremendous; I mean, we rushed out immediately—if that wasn't sufficient enough to cause a rise for alarm then I don't know what is.

After a few more minutes, we finally arrived at the chambers. Rangiku stood tall next to the door, and Toushirou let me down quickly but gently. I fought to regain my land-legs quickly as he announced our arrival.

"Kiteyama Akinoyo and Hitsugaya Toushirou."

The doors opened immediately, and I filed myself behind him to not only display some formality, but to readjustment myself for whatever was about to come. I didn't want to have on my now-usual fear-stricken face; I wanted to show a little tough skin rather than to constantly display this sickening façade that belittled my pride as an adult female—oh, and pride as a shinigami I suppose.

"Thank you for your prompt response, Hitsugaya-Taichou, Kiteyama-san," the voice of the Soutaichou met my ears—I had to stifle my gulp.

"What is this matter of urgency? What happened on the other side, Shihouin?" Toushirou got to the point as I crept out from behind him and settled next to him after a quick bow.

There was a pair of women I didn't recognize in front of me—one clearly a Taichou with her haori, and the other of an affiliation I didn't recognize. Ise-Fukutaichou and Abarai-Taichou were on either side of the Soutaichou; their faces firm to add to the serious atmosphere I unfortunately willingly walked into. The obvious unknown Taichou was about my height, albeit slightly taller; she had lightly tanned skin and ebony hair with highlights of a deep blue shade that was about jaw-length in the cut. She had two long strands of hair on either side of the base of her skull that were wrapped in a white ribbon and tied to golden rings at the tips; that along with her overall appearance made her look deliciously dangerous—I liked it.

The woman I didn't recognize was a bit taller than me, with mulberry-colored hair that complimented her dark skin. She wore an orange shirt that looked extremely comfortable along with being fashionable and weather appropriate with the sleeves; black tights and peculiar off-white shoes that I'm sure had their uses. This woman looked even fiercer than the unknown Taichou, but there was something about her that was more inviting; I wouldn't go right to a motherly aura about her, but something that reminded me of warm emitted from a fire—pleasurable and comforting to be next to, but literal oblivion if she ever decided to overtake you. Speaking of fire—there was something familiar about those amber hues of hers; I just couldn't put my finger on it.

"As you've guessed with The presence of Shihouin-san, there has been an event in the World of the Living. I will let her fill you in on the details," Ise-Fukutaichou answered.

All eyes turned to the mysterious woman in front of me. She looked right at me for a moment, and it took everything in my power to overcome the anxiety of the news she was about to report.

"Since your departure, we've been on alert in the event of any drastic changes at the enemy headquarters. We've primarily left it up to the Stealth Force assigned to the surveillance to keep tabs on the main base, while we kept tabs in the surrounding communities." She set a hand on her hip and shifted her weight to her left leg.

"For the most part it's been quiet; according to Soi Fon, the Stealth Force hardly had anything to report other than usual operations. Two days ago, there was an unusual reiatsu that appeared on the opposite end of Hayamatsu at around two in the morning. The reiatsu itself didn't resemble that of a Hollow or a Shinigami—I wouldn't know how to describe it other than using a childish word like  _mysterious,_ but above all it didn't feel all that enticing. Urahara and Tessai went to investigate, but the reiatsu disappeared before they were able to get there. They returned, and we remained on standby for about six hours until we had to take action." She paused to look up at Toushirou; the gaze in her eyes so serious that I couldn't help but cringe.

"The entire Stealth Force has been wiped out."

My eyes widened.

"How many were stationed?" Toushirou immediately asked

"Fifty," The unknown Taichou began. "Fifty of  _my men_ gone in an instant." She looked directly at me. "Fifty deaths in an effort to assist in the safeguarding of  _one_ life."

Kami…she…she was right. I-I…they—

"Fifty lives dedicated to the preservation of all the souls residing in the Soul Society and World of the Living; ones unfortunately sacrificed for the greater good. They held their heads high in pride, and their efforts were not in vain—ne, Soi Fon-Taichou?" The Soutaichou interjected; flashing a quick upturn of the corner of his lips at me before shifting his focal point to Soi Fon-Taichou.

At the indirect comment for her to calm down, she took a quick, sharp inhale to stifle her resentment. "That is correct," she managed.

"Please proceed, Shihouin-san," the Soutaichou diverted.

"At the spiked reiatsu of the entire Stealth Force, I went in to investigate. When I got there, amongst the corpses was one of a woman. She wasn't of the Stealth Force, yet she was wounded and unconscious. I took her back to Kisuke's, and Tessai healed the majority of her wounds—she still needs further treatment, but overall she's alive."

"Is she one of the human women utilized by the establishment?" Toushirou questioned.

"It would be too simple for that to be the case; I'll cut to the chase,"

Oh Kami…here it was…

"She's one of the previously abducted Shinigami—like Akinoyo."

Well.

The feeling of my stomach bungee-jumping off a cliff was an understatement. The eruption of emotions surging through me was like screaming in a sound-proof room; the outside dwellers had no idea just how much I was internally freaking out. I could feel Toushirou's clipped gaze; a quick check to make sure I didn't cripple over.

"Where is she?"

"Guarded in Squad 4's special recovery unit. She's still unconscious, so we haven't been able to get any information out of her yet. We also wanted Akinoyo to be present for it as well—since this is extremely relevant to her."

Shihouin looked at me, but received the blankest of stares in return; I was completely immersed in my own mind at the news that I didn't know  _how_ to react. What was I supposed to do? Go up to her and ask her about what happened to us casually? 'Hey, I've been raped and utilized for years as a side gratification for a huge plot to rule the universes—oh you too? Ain't that a bitch!' I  _myself_  was still having difficulty grasping the whole concept, and talking about it along with facing it was difficult enough already—now there was someone else involved that's still alive?

"Have we figured out her identity yet?" Toushirou asked.

"Koizumi Fumiko; formerly an unranked member of Squad 7. I will retrieve full specs after this meeting," Ise-Fukutaichou answered.

"What's the status of the others?"

"Squad 12 has finished collecting the data; that also will be brought to me after this meeting." She answered.

"I'd like to view that report immediately. I'll send Matsumoto to retrieve it from you on my behalf once this meeting is adjourned."

"For the time bring, please make yourselves readily available; with the attack on the Stealth Force, it's only a matter of time before our enemy is at our door. War-time protocol is shortly upon us—make sure your guard is up." The Soutaichou added.

Toushirou nodded, his body language as firm as the rest of them. "Please alert us as soon as there is any more information; we'll be on standby."

"Hai, Hitsugaya-Taichou," Ise-Fukutaichou nodded.

"Kiteyama-san," the Soutaichou called softly.

I snapped out of myself to look up at the one-eyed man; my face surely paler than any ghost.

"You're cooperation with us, and your readiness is vital to this situation; please stay by Hitsugaya-Taichou's side no matter what."

"Hai." I immediately lowered my head to him.

My anxiety was clearly apparent to him, which made me cringe at the fact that everyone in this room could probably sense my distressed aura as well—Kami I needed that fucking façade that got me through all these years.

"You're dismissed for the time being. We will summon the two of you when she awakens."

"Thank you," Toushirou and I both said—myself more robotically than him.

As my periphery caught Toushirou turning on his heel to exit, I caught a glance at Soi Fon-Taichou in the process—my guilt overwhelming me. I stepped forward toward her, swallowed part of my disarray, and bowed to her.

"I apologize at the loss of your men. My sincerest, and utmost condolences for your loss, and my sympathy for their friends and family."

She didn't say anything, and at that point Toushirou intervened by subtle body movement. I rose back up without any eye contact, and hurried behind Toushirou as formally as possible to make our exit.

As soon as the doors opened at our exit, Rangiku's serious gaze trickling with worry meet Toushirou, and he promptly informed her to stay behind to gather the documents from Ise-Fukutaichou. She complied, and Toushirou and I made our way through the building.

He didn't say anything to me, and I assumed it was because he more than likely wanted to wait until it was just the two of us before showing concern outside of the normal Taichou-Subordinate bracket. I was thankful for it, because I honestly felt so on edge that I didn't really know how I would react to anyone asking if I was okay. I didn't want everyone knowing that I was psychologically deteriorating, and struggling to maintain a prideful strong-willed appearance—the fact that I let Toushirou know that was more than enough.

Although the hallway bustled with shinigami executing their daily tasks, I focused on the sound of our footsteps entranced by my own bustling thoughts—one surfacing more than all of the others. I was scared—scared to seek and know the truth, but manipulated by the overwhelming curiosity and impatience radiating from it. I didn't want to, but…I was incapable of restraining myself.

As soon as we emerged to the outside world and out of earshot, I promptly spoke before he had the chance.

"Can you take me to her?" I stopped and stared firmly into him.

His stern eyes looked into my own; assessing my request with a scrutiny that implied actual concern. I stepped closer to him before he could make a rebuttal.

"Toushirou, I need to see her—please,"

Continuing to look into his eyes and assessing the brief transcript of his emotion displayed in them told me he didn't want to take me—that much was for sure. While I'm sure he had good reasoning, it couldn't be avoided—I wanted to just get on with it rather than linger in the maddening curiosity.

"All right; I'll take you," He bent to pick me up, and I situated myself against him. He paused even when I signaled that I was ready to go, and he looked away at the ground before us.

"What's the matter?" I prompted.

"This doesn't feel right," he said before take off.

As the wind rushed past us, I buried myself into him; his discomfort sending new waves to revitalize my anxiety.

"Something tells me this is going to take a horrible turn."

-x-x-x-x-

_Note from the Author:_

Hello, Readers!

First of all, I would like to say thank you, and express gratitude for those who messaged me or reviewed expressing concern; your kindness means a lot to me, and I appreciate you.

Unfortunately, my life is still currently in an extreme disarray—Akinoyo and I have a lot in common, let me  _tell yoooou—_ that I can't seem to get a handle on. However, now that I've felt what it's liked to just deal with it, I've been able to pull myself to dedicating a fraction of my time to write this fic. It helps calms me down through the madness, and the distraction is honestly what I need.

So, long story short— **I'M BACK!**

I'm going to do my utmost to stay on schedule, but know that with my life currently in turmoil, I could be late from time to time. Again, a huuuuuge  **thank you** for all your patience, and I hope that you all enjoy the rest of this fic.

Much love,

-Vi.


	23. Chapter 23

There she laid; matching the photograph I'd seen previously, albeit her closed eyes and in-patient attire. She was tucked under the white-sheeted linens loosely on top of the mattress, and looked comfortable at the very least aside from her facial expression.

Her expression was pained; reminding me of the contorted expression of someone having a nightmare. With what this woman had probably been through—I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. She breathed somewhat steadily, which made me feel slightly better about her overall health for some reason. I guess I just didn't want her to be hurt; I wanted her to be well enough to be up and about at the very least—something about imagining her being tortured as much as I had made me cringe; I didn't want anyone else to ever go through something like that, and the fact that she probably did made me quiver internally.

"She took treatment well, and now just needs rest," The attendant Toushirou was talking to broke through my thoughts.

"Her injuries were nowhere near life-threatening; we did some quick stitch-work along with replenishing her reiatsu to a sustainable level. She should be waking up at any time now, and when that happens those stationed will take control of the situation in case of anything." She concluded.

"Thank you," Toushirou acknowledged, as well as dismissed her at the same time.

She excused herself with a cordial bow I assumed, and her distanced footsteps told me she was vacating as indirectly instructed. My eyes were still on the recuperating female on the hospital bed; I stared into her vibrant, juniper hair as a result of all the possibilities her mere presence brought screeching to life in my mind. The questions that normally buzzed around in my head I once thought were completely unmanageable—child's play compared to them now.

The moments that Toushirou spent with the attending Squad member felt like they were in slow motion; as if I had been here for hours rather than minutes staring at this practically equal-aged female in pure mental overload. As I repeated each question, they began to resonate with the loud heartbeat in my ears and the clipped breathing in between those beats—the most  _rhythmic_  of combined sounds.

"She reminds me of you when you sleep,"

I broke my gaze from the forest-haired female to the snowy-haired male. His eyes were still fixed on her, and the gaze alone told me that there were several thoughts racing through his mind as well as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"You both have similar facial expressions; I'd be a liar if I said yours didn't stir concern."

"Sorry to worry you, I suppose," I set my hand over his bicep.

"Remember, you don't have to apologize for something that isn't your fault; I just wish that you could relax at the very least in your sleep,"

"I'm wondering if I should be gushing over the comment, or concerned that you watch me sleep," I replied back with teasing sass.

While I subconsciously did it, the subtle tease told me that even with what was going on, I was starting to react in accord with my previous mannerisms prior to this situation. My dry humor was always the fallback when I felt the anxiety hit; it was a good sign—the faster I get over this weakling tendency I'd developed  _the better_.

I fully expected an eye-roll from that savior of mine, but I received a small upturn at the corner of his lips instead—maybe he noticed it too?

"Says the one unconscious for over a week," he shot back lightly.

I knew he could've pulled a more intensive comeback out of the hat, but it seemed like he wanted me to have it. I returned that subtle smirk before looking back at the anxiety fuel before me.

"How long do you think she'll be out?"

"I can only guess; it could be a few minutes, or a few more hours." he replied.

"I figured as much, but still thought I'd ask since you're knowledgeable when it comes to recovery—or so you keep implying each day," I patted his bicep with the hand still on him. "Do you think talking to her might help?"

Nixing his comeback, her turned to look back at her. "Sometimes it works, and other times it doesn't. It wouldn't hurt to give it a shot."

"Well, there's no time like the present," I took my other hand and reached toward the female with sudden bravery. I set my hand lightly on her shoulder, and took a deep breath.

"Koizumi—can you hear me?" I lightly shook her. I paused to study her facial reaction, and when I didn't get anything, I tried again. "Fumiko, I'd like to meet you," I tried again.

Her face stirred; making me tense in anticipation with a sudden hollowed feeling in my chest. As I watched her eyelids crease from her now scrunched facial expression, a low sound rumbled deep in her throat—as if she were getting ready to make a clearly audible grunt, but it was still at the low vibration stages. I decided it would be best to call out to her again.

"Koizumi Fumiko—are you awake?"

Her breathing changed to subtle huffs, and her head began moving slightly at the words. I waited for a few more seconds before trying again.

"Fumiko, I'm Kiteyama Akinoyo—I'm here for you," I attempted cooing.

Her breathing stopped right as I finished my sentence. I tried not to panic, but the more seconds that passed by, the more that was unavoidable.

Good Kami. Where was the beeping heart machine I'd seen in the movies? What did I do? Was she suffocating?

I turned to Toushirou in my sudden panic.

"T-Toushi—"

"Kite…yama…" she slurred.

My head snapped back to her—her scrunched facial expression immediately dissipated to a dormant one.

"Fumiko?" I prompted.

She took a soft, yet deep breath—her shoulders pressing into the pillow propping her up as her chest rose—and then she settled in a way that reminded me of the dead. Flashbacks of the two that died in front of me made me shiver, and I quickly had to dismiss the thoughts to retain my progress.

"Fumiko?" I called again.

She stopped breathing again.

The flickering flame of my panic began to flourish again. Seconds went by again with no movement. When her face began changing color, I fully panicked.

"Oi! Fumiko!  _Breathe_!" I shook her—nothing.

Toushirou quickly went to the door.

"We need a medic immediately!" he shouted as he opened the door.

I did the only thing I could think of; I opened her mouth, plugged her nose, and breathed into her. I didn't know proper CPR, but giving her air was better than nothing. After two seconds, I disconnected to study her facial expression—her face was scrunched again, and that heated red color spread more through her cheeks.

"Come on, Fumiko! Don't do this!" I went in again as Toushirou exited to the hallway.

As my mind raced in flurries of panic of the recollection of my own suffocating episode, I couldn't help but feel like something was amiss—what caused her to stop breathing? Her chest was rising with the air, why did—

The smooth feeling of something on my neck caused me to jolt, but before I could fully execute the action, the smooth touch turned into a rough grip that kept me in place. My lips separated from hers, and another hand plucked mine at her nose before death-gripping my wrist.

"F-Fumi—"

The tip of her tongue traced along my hovering lips in a sadistic slither; cutting off my words with the tender touch.

"They didn't tell me you would taste sweet,"

My body went limp as soon as she ended her sentence. She held me up by my throat, as she quietly slipped her hand over my torso to take hold of my obi.

Her lips brushed against my own; the light pressure the last thing I was able to feel. "And your lips are as a soft as the flower's petals,"

Glass collided with my head faster than I could blink. We were outside—the wind audibly rushing against me as she raced with my limp body as far away as possible.

The lack of control not only affected my limbs, but my vocal chords as well—the only screaming I was able to do was inside my head. Through my racing heartbeat from the new panic, the repetition of confusing questions made me feel like I was going to pass out. Wasn't she like me? Wasn't she one of the abducted Shinigami from long ago? Wasn't she tortured and used as a meat sack? Wasn't she ultimately being utilized for evil?

Although primary functionality along with touch were both gone, my hearing and sight were still in tact. I was slung over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes—my chest pressing against her back—and although my head was bobbing around like a damn toy-bobble head, I had a full view of the ground far below us. At the sight of small, white particles rushing toward her before falling to the ground in a hasty fashion, I realized this woman was fast…but not fast enough.

An overwhelming, familiar reiatsu cemented my thoughts—Kami how I wish I had control of my face to smile.

A loud, terrifying roar reverberated through the air; the creature I'd never had the pleasure of seeing, but was briefly described the characteristics of previously. He'd made it sound like no big deal, but the sound of that roar just now told me he was  _far too modest_ about it—if I could shiver externally, I definitely still would be.

She evaded the ice dragon I'd assumed was rushing toward us by dropping altitude and changing direction. My head and limbs bashed against her back with the change of pace, to which she promptly shifted my position on her shoulder so I wouldn't thrash as much. I could hear several more roars erupt furiously in the distance, and it already translated to me that this woman didn't have much of chance.

The only thing about it was that I was in the way of everything due to my current position. I needed to move and I needed to do it fast, but the damn paralytic saliva—or however the fuck she did it—was some serious toxin. Granted, the time range since the injection had only been two—at the max three—minutes. Just how long was this supposed to last? It'd spread so fast it was unreal; I'd dealt with injections and drugs before, and those had taken at least 5-10 minutes to kick in, and lasted for at least 30-60 minutes—if this was the same and lasted forever I was screwed. The way that I'd gotten over the paralyzed state in the past was by focusing on moving one, small body part; a finger, a toe, my tongue—It helped when I had a visual, and in this case I only had one.

Before I could do anything; my female assailant came to a screeching halt—the sudden stop making me face-plant against her back.

"Koizumi Fumiko, you're under arrest. Hand her over and come quietly, or risk your own safety."

I'd never heard such a threatening tone come out of Toushirou before—was I really that special?

I could feel the vibrations rumbling in her chest as they progressed to an audible chuckle.

"And if I refuse—what are you going to do about it? You think your ice sculptures are enough to defeat me? You're nothing but a child in comparison,"

Something was coming.

I clearly didn't know what it was, but a sudden wave of fear crashed over me, and submerged me under the rushing water that followed. I needed to get out of here  _quick—_ Something terrible was going to happen. I looked at my right hand in view beneath me.

" _Move your index finger,"_ I told myself.

My brain sent the signal for it to adhere, but it jammed and dissipated with the blockade.

I kept repeating the phrase over and over again in my head, but still to no avail against the strong paralytic contagion I assumed centralized in my throat. It was no use—this could be in full effect for hours. I was useless; a rag doll being tossed around  _yet again._

"Don't say you weren't warned," Toushirou responded back.

The rush of wind told me the Ice King was making a move; he was charging her either with one of the circling ice dragons around us, or himself. I felt Koizumi move her arm.

"Degluttiat," she whispered.

That terrible feeling from before now erupted as soon as the last syllable of her word sizzled out. My vision clouded with stars as a result of the immense fear surging through me. I didn't know what she was doing, but I wanted to scream; scream for Toushirou to run, scream at the fear of my life finally bring taken from me, scream at the fact…that this felt  _familiar_ to me.

Everything slowed.

My mind raced miles per minute, but my heart and breathing slowed so significantly that the precipice of death felt like it was upon me. I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The air felt thick, and the mere effort of my chest rising for the intake of oxygen was such strain that the stars already clouding my vision became shrouded with thick cumulonimbus.

While my panic was in full effect, the two things I focused on the most was the reason why this aura felt so Kami-damned familiar, and why my mind was able to process what was even happening. With all my other functions at this slowed rate—why wasn't my mind? Or—alternatively—why didn't everything stay the same and she gain super speed or something ridiculous?

She walked forward without a problem, and I already knew what she was going to do without the huge advantage.

" _Please, no! Don't do this! Someone! Help! Fuck!"_ I screamed internally.

I focused hard at moving any part of me that would listen; my tongue, my fingers, my toes,  _anything_ that would listen. I concentrated so hard my head felt like it would rupture; the struggle to breathe and deflecting the shooting stars in my vision not helping any.

" _Move your fucking finger, Akinoyo!"_ I screeched looking at my finger.

Nothing. No movement.

Why was she doing this? Why couldn't she just leave him frozen here and just leave with me? I didn't want to get him involved; I didn't want  _him_ to get hurt; I…I…

The malicious intent radiating from her flourished as she rose her hand.

This was it.

This was the beginning of my end.

She was going to kill the one thing in this life I clung to; the one person that toppled over everyone; the man that was there for me; the one person that made me…

" _More of a weakling than you already were."_

An audible scream ripped through my throat at a normal-paced speed. My insides felt like they were exploding, but in an odd,  _surreal_ way, my mind couldn't be any more clear in that moment.

" _We're in luck—don't let her touch you again,"_

Koizumi was blown back by the force of my reiatsu, and in that moment, her dominance of what seemed like space and time cracked at my force—allowing Toushirou enough leeway to execute his attack.

As I fell, I watched as he slightly adjusted his momentum attack to make a cleaner cut; the downward slash aimed at the center of her body rather than her right-side only. Due to that last second adjustment, along with the fact that my force pushed her, she was able to partially evade the strike. She took in damage, but not as much as she would've without the subtle changes.

" _Akinoyo!"_

Oh shi—

Toushirou plowed into me mid-descent; forcing me to his chest and turning over so I was on top of him.

"Toush—"

"Bankai!"

I couldn't see what was happening, but I knew what he was doing—he'd opted to take the impact of the fall for me. I was already too close to the ground for him to make a successful recovery—there was no alternative. We hit the ground so hard that even with my head buried in his chest and held firmly in place against him while his arms wrapped around me, the impact reverberated through him and knocked my head against him hard. Cold gushes of air and wet particles spread over me like fresh, but blizzardy snow; the particles a mystery to me until I began to push myself up.

Massive, semi-broken wings lay underneath us; fractals of broken ice around us dissipating into water to begin reforming the wings. Before I could even do anything, Toushirou pulled me into him, and those broken wings came up faster than I could believe to shield us from the next attack. Koizumi had some type of weapon I had yet to see, but she swung at the ice wings that furled over us in protection.

I didn't even look down at Toushirou; I was so furious at myself that he had to go to the length of injuring himself to save me. Hell, my zanpakutou was the only reason I was even able to break free from the clutches of the enemy. I was worthless; pure scum that didn't deserve the help. And now that Toushirou's injured, he  _still_ is protecting the two of us.

I was so angry that I couldn't control myself. I took hold of the hilt, and unsheathed the blade before I could be stopped.

"Come out now!" I yelled—no response.

"Akinoyo, don't do this!" Toushirou urged.

" _I refuse to assist any more than I already have,"_ My zanpakutou denied.

The thing about it was—I was  _done_ playing this game with her.

Quickly, I maneuvered the tip of her blade at my side, and plunged the blade into myself enough to make my adrenaline spike.

"Akinoyo!" Toushirou shouted.

I grit my teeth, and closed my eyes with the pain of the cold metal within me.

"Change now, or it's over—you know I'm not fucking around."I threatened aloud.

I could feel the overwhelming hate seeping from the hilt of the blade; my defiance infuriating the sophisticated Queen enough to make her blood boil from succumbing to my will. The two blades formed in my hands as the cautious words of my zanpakutou trumped over the panicked Toushirou.

" _You're going to regret calling me before you're ready, Akinoyo,"_

" _Save it!"_

Without another moment to lose, I took the right knife to my arm; slicing open my inner forearm as I grit my teeth and let the blood collect.

"Akinoyo, stop!" Toushirou tried to restrain me.

Quickly, I took the blood and scribbled the kanji as best I could over the pulsating veins in my wrist.

"She said that you can't do this!" He took the wrist of my scribbling hand. "Trust in me, Akinoyo! Wait!"

Those serious, and struggling hues pierced mine, and while I knew he was right, I couldn't sit back any longer.

"I do trust you, Toushirou,"

I rose my bloodied wrist and finished the kanji by bringing it to my bloodied finger.

"But right now, I need  _you_ to trust me,"

I remembered the feeling of our encounter; the encounter that put me in a coma, yet began to fill the hole within me that I thought impossible to fill. She was  _my_ power; my ticket to helping others, and finding peace within myself—the borrowed source that made the helplessness diminish a fraction even though I had only a vague concept of how to wield her.

The feeling of the calling reiatsu; when my very being called into the earth, and cooed the element to rise above to accept my essence; the power given to the dormant soul.

" _You're not ready to wield me, Akinoyo; you will lose all control!"_ Her voice of urgency pierced through my thoughts, but I didn't let them make me tremble.

I needed this to stop. Koizumi  _needed_ to be stopped. No one knew just how malevolent that power of hers is; the familiarity invoked such dread within me that couldn't be left alone—I couldn't afford to standby any longer.

I focused my thoughts under the earth; imagining the roots underneath the concrete, and letting myself feel the connection as my zanpakutou did the last time. I concentrated my reiatsu as I'd felt her do, and I knew that all I had to do was assert it.

I turned to look above me, and narrowed in on her position. My hand dropped low, and with an opened palm, I lifted up the spirit of the underground dweller; as if uprooting them myself from the deep. The earth trembled at my command, at which Toushirou took hold of my torso again.

The roots shot up around us, and with a sharp motion of my hand, I instructed them to take Koizumi out. I reveled in the fact that it  _indeed_  followed my whim—my zanpakutou didn't know what she was talking about. Koizumi saw it coming however, and evaded before it made the connect—Toushirou utilized the moment to flash-step the two of us out of there.

As soon as we stopped, the Stealth Force I'd heard so much about were on the scene; surrounding the viciously smirking female that stared straight into me.

As the Stealth Force shouted at her, Toushirou took my shoulders and turned me to him.

"Drop your Shikai now, Akinoyo. You need to stay out of this, and let us handle it." That firm, icy-tone told me he wasn't joking around, but then again,  _neither was I._

"Toushirou, you don'tunderstand; she's monstrous—none of you can handle her alone! Trust me—I've felt this reiatsu before and it id  _not_ something to take lightly! I'm not going stand here and watch you run to your slaughter, Toushirou!" I shot back; doing my utmost to keep my emotion out of it.

While I was still somewhat wary of the forewarning of my zanpakutou and knew that I wasn't very strong, I was far more wary about Koizumi Fumiko, and the strange, horrifying reiatsu bubbling about her. She wasn't like the others we'd dealt with; she was malevolent, and far too unpredictable to be underestimated. I couldn't get over the fear that she invoked with that damn reiatsu; all I wanted to do was run, but I knew that wasn't an option.

"Akinoyo, listen to me—you are in  _no condition_ to continue fighting. You're injured, you don't know how to wield your zanpakutou, nor do you have any experience in a battle like this one. I'm not going to let you go in there to get  _even more_ injured and that's the end—"

"Toushirou, please listen to me! She isn't normal! Do you even realize that she can control time? Did you even see what she almost got away with while you were under her radar?"

His facial expression changed into confusion, but before he could answer, the entire Stealth Force that surrounded Koizumi was down; the immense drop in reiatsu telling us she'd killed them rather than their muffled screams.

"Get behind me, now." He ordered.

I grit my teeth and did what he said, the overwhelming anxiety over what just happened making my heart leap in fear.

"So, after decommissioning all those surrounding me in less than 10 seconds, you still have the gall to face me?" Koizumi's pompous voice chuckled. "If you wish to keep your life, hand over Kiteyama Akinoyo."

"Koizumi Fumiko, tell me—if you were abducted, why surrender to Stockholm syndrome? What do  _you_ benefit from her capture?"

She laughed hoarsely at his question; the rhythm of her laugh causing me to shiver as if the strings of a violin were being scraped violently.

"What do I benefit? Now why would I  _ever_ reveal that to my enemy? Your naivety is priceless," she snickered. "Move aside."

The ice wings protruding from his spine reflected the fear in my face back to me; my hot breath fogging up the crystal reflection. I didn't understand; I didn't get it at all—why…with what they'd done to us…

"Degluttiat!" she shouted again.

In that moment, the air stood still.

"T-Toushirou?" I whispered—not even a flinch.

"Oi, Kiteyama!" Koizumi shouted at me—my eyes widened as my stomach dropped.

"Tell me, is it because of them, or your zanpakutou that you can still move?"

Her footsteps sounding made my breathing hasten. There was no point in hiding behind Toushirou anymore; the Ice King I loved was frozen in her control, and now  _I_ needed to protect  _him._ I walked around his ice wings and stood out in front of him; my Trench Knives held out defensively in front of me in an unknown position that felt familiar.

She stopped about 10 paces in front of us, and I summoned every last ounce of courage within me to not brake my resolve and bravado. The smirk on her face told me she already saw through me, but I wasn't going to let her piercing mind games affect me.

"I asked you a question, Kiteyama." She crossed her arms.

Her weapon was no where to be found, but I studied the rest of her for any type of clues as to what she was up to. It didn't seem like she needed any form of concentration to keep up her radius of control; she looked relaxed rather than on edge, and I could feel the lack of actual concern coming from her. The  _only_ thing I felt coming for her, was that sickening familiar force from before—that monstrous, ravenous reiatsu that radiated from her very core. Just…what was she?

"I don't know how I'm able to stand before you, Koizumi, but what I do know, is that I  _refuse_ to go back to the organization with you. I don't know what you gain from helping those life-sucking fuckers, but I'll tell you that what you're doing is wrong.  _You_ should be over here  _with me_ on the side of the Shinigami because that's what you are— _a Shinigami._  Have you lost your memories as well?"

"That's right!" she had a sudden recollection, "I forgot that  _you_ don't have your memories—that's right. Well, if you'd like to be filled in, I can arrange that, Kiteyama; all you have to do is come with me, and I will explain everything to you personally." She smiled and outstretched her hand. "I'll even make the male's death quick if you come quietly,"

"You're a fool, Koizumi."

Her facial features disgruntled at my response, and that outstretched hand made a miniscule twitch at the defiance in my voice.

"If you have your memories, then you should know well that what the organization is doing is corrupt, and sinister. You should feel how I feel, and you should utilize that hurt and hate to get back at them for doing this to us—not act like their fucking dog to do all their dirty work!" I shouted, tears already formulated in my eyes.

" _Akinoyo, we need to run. You're no match for her in your current state; I can help you—"_

" _No. Not without Toushirou."_

I couldn't shiver here any longer; I  _couldn't_ lose another person again. I didn't save Miyuki—I  _will not_ let that happen again.

I inhaled deeply to steel myself, and focused on utilizing this immense anger and fear as my fuel.

"If you still feel this way, then you leave me no choice, Koizumi—I will  _not_ help you, and I will  _not_ let you harm anyone else!" I slashed at the air, and pointed my blade at her.

"I came here today to help you but, if this is what you've chosen…then you leave me no choice."


	24. Chapter 24

"For someone who doesn't remember right from left—you sure are a cocky one, Kiteyama- _san_ ,"

She extended her right arm and opened up her palm; on cue of the full extension of her fingers, a black concentrate of reiatsu appeared in her palm—in a blink taking shape of her weapon. She took hold of the darkened silver scythe with vigor and emphasis on the control—spinning the weapon in a harsh slash in front of her.

"You're trying to act tough, but you and I both know you don't remember how to fight. You don't stand a chance against me. I'll tell you what's going to happen; I'm going to take both your arms for crossing me, then I'll drag the rest of your unconscious corpse back. Befitting for someone who crosses a Kami, no?"

A  _Kami_? This bitch was so full of herself it hurt.

She was right partially however—I knew the basics of hand-to-hand, but I had no idea how to tackle someone with a weapon like hers. Luckily the two Trench Knives in my hands were comfortable, and a type of weapon I was used to handling—literally one of the only upsides to this situation.

I glanced behind myself; before anything, I needed to make sure to drag this battle elsewhere. If we stayed positioned here, then Tou—

"You don't have time to worry about him," Koizumi whispered in my ear.

When…did she…

" _Move!"_ my zanpakutou shouted.

I jutted forward to barely miss her downward swipe at me—part of the sheath on my back taking the brunt of the attack. I quickly spun on my heel to attempt a horizontal slash—which she countered immediately.

" _Fool!"_

"Is that all?" she grinned as she pushed her scythe against me. My hand shook at the tremendous force behind the guard, and I grit my teeth trying to push her back.

" _Stop this now, Akinoyo! You can't win against her!"_

" _If you're not going to say anything useful,"_ I began; quickly throwing my left hand down and opening my palm.  _"Then shut up and stay the fuck out of my way!"_

I heaved as hard, and as fast as I could; commanding the wood beneath the ground to mold to my will, and shoot up to take her out. The roots complied, and shot out of the ground to my right and at her; hardened and spiked as I'd intended. She pushed off me to escape, and I commanded the roots to keep pursuit.

" _Stop it now, Akinoyo!"_ my zanpakutou urged to my deafened ears.

I quickly dipped my left forefinger into the reservoir of blood at my side from my self-inflicted wound, and used it to draw the same symbol on my other wrist.

" _Don't! It's already too much as it is!"_

I turned to Toushirou and brought down both my hands, using every fiber of my being to pull more timber to my aid. The earth trembled tremendously as the concrete below shot a boulder-filled dust cloud in defiance; the massive wooden fortress enclosing around Toushirou. The amount of concentration and reiatsu control needed to tackle the feat was so immense that I lost all feeling in my limbs. Although the action became grimmer each second that ticked by—I wasn't going to give up. If I could at least make—

All at once, the reiatsu I'd poured into the silent organism resisted me; the half-dome I'd begun to create by reconstructing and maturing the roots convulsing ferociously. Within seconds, the entity I failed to control revolted; shooting back all my reiatsu at me while completely ripping apart everything around me.

I screamed from the immense pain of the absorption, but I didn't have time to let myself react in any other way. Roots shot up from all over like kraken tentacles searching for a meal—the feeling of each of them rushing into me at once enough to make me start losing the last bit of control I had.

"You're slipping!"

Koizumi swiped at me at almost point-blank range, and I already knew it was too late for me. By the time I'd finished processing her sentence, the reaper already had me in her clutches.

My right arm lifted on its own—pumped full of reiatsu that penetrated through each pore painfully; reiatsu I hadn't called upon myself. The uncontrolled arm blocked the attack in the nick of time, and sent me flying back to tumble against the pavement.

" _You imbecile! You're in the middle of a fight, and you don't even guard yourself? You lose control as I forewarned—causing_ additional  _damage to yourself—nearly destroy the entire area,_ and  _leave yourself wide-open for attack! You would've been dead if it weren't for me!"_ my zanpakutou screeched. As I coughed from the impact, my zanpakutou continued to reprimand me.

" _Listen, you_ need  _to get out of here before it's too late! She'll leave him alone and go after us; more than likely dropping her control of time and going after us instead of finishing off Hitsugaya—let me—"_

" _No! I already said I'm not leaving him here! You're not a fucking mind reader—you don't know what she's going to do! She could very well kill him to have a better chance at me later! I'm staying whether you like it or not!"_ I argued back.

Koizumi's presence spiked above me, and as soon as I snapped my head to look up at the smirking reaper, she plunged in for the attack.

" _Fine, but at a cost,"_

That feeling of her taking over; the penetration of every pore at once with her massive reiatsu—I screamed just from how bad it hurt me. Amidst my screaming and nosebleed as my skin felt like it was ripping apart, she rolled me forward to my feet, and drew out more of the controlled fibers beneath me. They came up faster than I expected; countering Koizumi's attack mid-descent, toppling her enough to control the direction of their impact, and utilizing that advantage to smash her into the ground like an insect.

She rose me to my feet; cracking my neck, and stretching out my arms and legs by swiping the air in a controlled range.

" _What are you doing?"_ I screeched internally—control of my actual vocal chords awarded to the possessor.

She wiped the blood trickling out of my nose on my sleeve before raising a single hand to regain control of the berserk entity that reprimanded me for excessive use. After she'd settled all the ones aside from the main offense, she decided to utilize my vocal chords to respond aloud.

"You've already squandered your chances of escaping with minimal damage from utilizing me; since you won't allow me to run, you leave me no choice but to  _make you_ stay alive."

" _So you're taking the reigns?"_

"Although that much should be obvious—let me spell it out for you: I'm taking over this fight whether you like it or not. Pay attention and you might learn something useful,"

Koizumi's reiatsu spike along with loud hacking noises had our attention. As the wood sputtered in each direction in chunks, she rose up to the sky, cracking her neck as she grinned down at me.

"You've changed—is this how you choose to utilize it?" Koizumi asked.

" _Utilize_ it? _What is that supposed to mean?"_

My zanpakutou didn't grace her with an answer, instead she took charge. Using flash-steps, she went in with a speed that gave her such an immense momentum it was unreal. Rather than using the bladed part of the knives, she went in with the golden-brass knuckles; the extra reiatsu super-charging my right arm for a severe blow to the stomach.

Koizumi countered of course; the mid-section of the scythe's handle causing the metal to damage my knuckles with the impact. While she held the block, my other hand maneuvered for a swipe beneath the defense of her handle. She saw it coming of course—the clearly experienced murderous opponent evading it as quickly as possible. Koizumi pushed off me, and missed the full extent of the blow, but not all of it. My hand grazed over her lower torso; crossing over the slash Toushirou left earlier and causing her blood to splatter out.

My zanpakutou wasted no time in chasing her; immediately speeding toward her and attempting hand-to-hand. I began with a low-kick, and followed with a right-hooked knuckle-shot to the face—blocked by the back of the scythe's blade below, and parried by the tip of the handle above. Koizumi laughed that sickening laugh from earlier as she struck me in the face with the hilt, and I flew down with the head-shot through the atmosphere.

She appeared beneath me; ready to slice with her sickle unrepairable damage. My zanpakutou caught wind of this, and flipped me around to dive-bomb her with her next attack; calling upon the forces above ground to come at Koizumi from behind as she guarded with my left, and repositioned the right Trench Knife for a stab.

Koizumi was smarter than this though, and quickly flashed away to evade both attacks. As I dove in toward the sharp spikes of the wood, my zanpakutou concentrated her reiatsu in the nick of time; phasing us through her own attack to come out unscathed. She materialized my feet to get a good base for a leap, and back-flipped to materialize my body out of the timber to stand atop it. She quickly turned me to meet the overly-excited reaper; her tongue licking her lips sadistically as I parried her strike.

"Whatever this is—I'm loving it! It's been a while since I've had the pleasure of fighting someone that doesn't die within seconds!" she pushed off me to spin into her next attack; my panic fluttering internally at the entire bout.

While the façade my zanpakutou had was convincing, and even drove Koizumi to believe that we were on par; I knew by default that my zanpakutou was beginning to struggle. She had said that I wasn't ready for her, and I could tell that by the way my insides trembled—how much longer could I last with her in control?

" _Not very much longer,"_ she answered mentally before making me parry another attack, and run up along one of the branches she'd commanded.  _"Your body isn't accustomed to this type of strain; this isn't even all of my power, and yet, within an instant this body could collapse. I'm running out of time, Akinoyo."_

I stopped, and she lifted up the roots under my feet to create a literal pedestal that lifted high above the ground. She did this last time as well; the ground-dweller having difficulty now that she'd established a center-point. Koizumi was chopping through the roots already shot her way like a Kami-damned lumberjack; more than likely stalling to get a grasp on whether or not I had other abilities. Luckily for me, it gave me time to come up with a strategy with my zanpakutou.

" _If you say you're running out of time—then what is your game plan?"_ I asked as she shifted my weight for better control of the roots below.

" _My 'game plan' is to figure out how to get her control to drop, and letting your 'guardian' take care of the rest. I've finally begun to slightly comprehend it; the familiar reiatsu she emits tells me that it's not going to be simple, but it's possible."_

She stomped my foot down; sending a command through the shockwaves for the wood to make the ground beneath Koizumi's future path to cave upon arrival. As she prepped for the attack, I couldn't help but let my bubbling curiosity get the better of me.

" _You find it familiar too? Then it's most definitely from the past rather than something I've recently picked up—what does that mean though? Did I have prior dealing with her specifically? She didn't seem like we were past acquaintances—thoughts?"_

" _She is not from the past I was a part of—she's from the time before I awakened. I can't say that you knew her, but from her reiatsu, I can say this: she isn't someone you would've particularly kept in your company."_

Koizumi fell for the trap; sinking down to be caught by the roots beneath her—the ground separating in a fierce, precise moment to drag her down. We leapt down from the pedestal and raced toward her; the speed she used slower than usual due to the control she needed to have for the operation.

" _What does that mean? Aside from the obvious threatening and monstrous aura she emits, why wouldn't I have kept her in my company? You're implying like there's more to it than you're letting on."_

My zanpakutou didn't answer; hesitancy the aura about her, and an effort to try to pawn off the response by the attack she was about to make her only out. She closed in on Koizumi; ready to slice her head clean off in this moment of truth. She took the last step as a spring-leap; her blades with such a heavy intent to kill.

And I…

Flashes of blood on my hands; the entrancement of when I last took a life; the repetitive motion that soothed me…

I..couldn't…

" _Don't!"_ I screeched.

The outburst caused enough falter in the attack for Koizumi's advantage.

Her eyes flicked to a glowing, vibrant amethyst, and in an instant, the strike was blocked with a weapon not belonging to her. Surrounding me were now  _several_ beings; their species unknown, all identical not only in appearance, but weaponry as well, and all ultimately with that same malicious reiatsu that scared me to my core.

The one that took my blow flung me back with its claymore, and it was then I realized just how immense their power was. I flew back and into one of the uprooted and hardened branches; the damage from the collision dislocating my shoulder so much I thought my entire arm would be lost in the mix.

" _You dimwitted,_ imbecile _! Why would you do that? We_ finally  _had her in our clutches, and you in turn cower at the opportunity to save your precious Hitsugaya! What is wrong with you?"_ my zanpakutou shouted.

" _I-I-I'm sor—"_

" _Don't you even_ dare _try apologizing to me! Do you realize how costly your actions are? Without my full arsenal of techniques, we're now_ strolling  _into our slaughter! You ruined the only chance we had!"_

She was right.

Her anger was called for.

I fucked up so tremendously by giving into my feeble tendencies that now this situation was hopeless. Toushirou was going to die, my limbs were going to be lopped off—leaving me completely incapacitated when they take me back—and ultimately,  _everyone was going to die because of me._

"Come to that conclusion all on your own?" my zanpakutou rhetorically asked aloud.

I didn't answer, or rather—I couldn't answer; the guilt of my poor decision escalated by the second, and I just felt like giving up. There were countless human-like entities created by Koizumi spread across the playing field now; all armed and ready, all headed straight for—

A wave of ice crashed against the mass in front of me; taking out several and pushing them back momentarily.

"Akinoyo!"

Warm, strong arms plucked me from the shredded fibers and broken timber that cradled me, and with incredible speed ascended skyward. I was so happy in that moment that if I had control of my tear-ducts they'd be put to work. He stopped mid-air; enough to give us a small gap in time before the horde was on our tail.

"Akinoyo, what happened?" he asked me almost frantically.

I wanted to just wrap my arms around him and let myself breathe for just a moment, but unfortunately both of us got the short end of the stick.

My zanpakutou pushed me out of his grasp harshly—even with the dislocated shoulder—and spaced herself from him. He was shocked at the action, but as soon as she opened my mouth to speak, that shock dissipated.

"Your  _beloved imbecile_ already told you; Koizumi Fumiko has manipulation over time—she froze time and attacked." She answered as she took my limp arm and inhaled deeply.

She turned my head away to look at the swarm gathering below while taking a deep breath for what she was about to do.

"Her ability isn't to stop time," Toushirou readied himself for the enemy entities on their way. "It's to slow it down tremendously; I was able to process some of what was happening, however I was unable to react."

In a swift motion, she shoved my shoulder back into place—I screamed internally from the pain, while on the outside all she did was grit my teeth. She took another deep breath, and cracked my neck to return her composure.

"That would explain the nearly paralytic state your imbecile was in. However, since you've graced us with your presence, it appears that Koizumi cannot control her armada and time at once; as much as I hate to do this—I don't have an option if you want Akinoyo to stay amongst the living,"

One of Koizumi's minions appeared above me; claymore above its head and ready to slash down at me. Toushirou got to him first; warding off the blow with ease.

"Hado 31: Shakkaho!" With his other hand, he launched off an energy blast that killed the enemy on contact; the human-like creature dissipating into nothing.

"I'm running out of time, Hitsugaya; Akinoyo's current physical state cannot handle the full extent of my power. I could lose control of her at any moment, so while there's two of us, here's my suggestion: I'll keep the masses at bay while you take down Koizumi Fumiko. With the two of us, she won't have a chance to withdraw the armada—it's the only chance Akinoyo has of getting out of this alive. Deal?"

Toushirou looked into my eyes in an effort to pass through her and look straight into me. In just the look, I could tell he didn't want to involve me any longer, but knew my zanpakutou was right.

"It seems like there isn't much choice; the others should be here soon—don't overdo it."

"I owe you," she began, only to be interrupted before she could finish.

"Consider keeping Akinoyo alive your payment. Thank you for keeping her safe in my absence."

She looked at him; inspecting his appreciative eyes before letting out a small chuckle of a laugh.

"I'll never understand you Shinigami," she looked away.

With that, she took off toward the horde below, her determination back as she sped. I was honestly a little surprised at her reaction; the stoic Queen displaying even a miniscule emotion toward him a new sight to see.

" _Thank you,"_ I told her in earnest.  _"I know you don't like him, but I appreciate the measures you're taking for me."_

She dove at one of the entities; her upper-cut strike at them precise, but not nearly powerful enough to finish it off. It took the blow, and retaliated with its golden-handled claymore. She parried the strike, but as she did, several others surrounded me and prepared for the execution.

She slashed off the strike she parried, and made quick footwork with precise arm positioning to cut all three in a single spin. At the slight pause from the strike, she quickly flashed us out of there and back toward the pedestal she'd created earlier.

"With the fact that my soul is shared with yours, I don't really have much of a choice—do I?"

She looked in Toushirou's direction; watching as the Ice King fought valiantly against Koizumi. I'd never actually seen him fight one-on-one before, or with his bankai; even from this distance, I could tell that he was a force to be reckoned with. The way he was executing the attacks had such a fierce, piercing aura to them; they made me want to shudder, but the fact that I knew he would never hurt me with those techniques caused the reaction to dissipate before taking over fully.

She turned my head back to face the destination; unintentionally prompting me to continue the conversation.

" _Not really, but nevertheless, I still appreciate it."_

She arrived at the bottom of the pedestal; three entities hot on our tail. As we ascended, she commanded sections of the pedestal to strike at them; one successfully stabbed clean through, while the other two evaded to continue toward us. She summoned a large branch to form out directly ahead of us, and she used it as a base to spring back down from—her knives pointed out and ready for stabbing.

They rose both claymores to defend the attack, and with a simple wave of her finger, she commanded the branches to take hold of their arms, preventing any other movement from either of them. With a slight readjustment, she aimed straight for their foreheads; plunging the blade through both, and watching as they immediately dissipated from the blow. While the downward strike was a slight setback, she quickly turned it around and headed back up to the top.

Once we arrived at the top, she took a quick breath before closing my eyes, and focusing her entirety in what she was about to do. In that moment, I felt such a strong connection with her; as if I were hearing her heart beat, and her lungs fill with oxygen for the first time. It was weird, but surprisingly comforting to feel her—like we were actually one and the same person. With her in this state, every footstep, every collision, and every presence could be felt beneath my feet; like pulsations that had a mind of their own—a sort of calling to us.

My eyes opened, and when they did, the strangest feeling came over me—a powerful one that boosted my downtrodden confidence. She gracefully rose my arms up like a ballerina signaling the beginning of her performance, and with that same elegance, she brought them down to mid-level, and spread them out horizontally—the preliminary action to sealing the fate of all enemy entities. The roots came up all at once around each enemy, forming a wooden version of an iron maiden. In that same moment, she brought my hands together in a clap—instructing the wooden caskets shut around each enemy. Within the spiked coffins, I was able to feel when each reiatsu ceased to exist—if I had control of lips I'd be grinning at the success of the maneuver.

" _That was fucking amaz—"_

My knees buckled, and I immediately went barreling down the side of the pedestal.

" _O-O-Oi! What's happening? Zanpakutou!"_

No response.

This was bad—this was  _very, very, bad._

" _Zanpakutou!"_ I screeched.

My eyes were closed, yet I could still feel the two Trench Knives in my hands, and the heartbeat of the Woodland Queen. She was still in control, but with all the effort she put into that last attack, she could no longer manage even standing. I needed to take control, and I needed to do it now. The only problem was that  _I hadn't the slightest clue how._

I had to focus; maybe if I zeroed in on her heartbeat and focused my reiatsu the way she focused hers, I could break out of this.

" _Come on,"_

I felt her heartbeat along with mine; hers a completely different rhythm than my own, and her breathing off from mine. Maybe if I started mirroring her breathing I would be one step closer to—

Someone crashed into me from my left; taking hold of me tightly, and rushing through the atmosphere. While the fact that someone I couldn't see had me in their clutches made falter, I continued my focus; mirroring my breathing with my zanpakutou's, and utilizing this new panic to match her fast-paced heartbeat from exhaustion.

I kept repeating in my head that I  _needed_  to take control; that I  _needed_ to break from this bond temporarily in order to save us. With that repetition and focus, my own eyes fluttered open upon the landing.

"You're awake," a familiar female voice said.

She put me down, and I blinked rapidly to regain my vision, along with trying and assess just where I'd heard that voice before. Once I'd regained my vision, I looked up to the crouching woman beside me and let out a breath of relief before easing myself by saying her name.

"Shihouin Yoruichi,"

She looked at me with her amber eyes and a small smirk on her face; that purple hair of hers as vibrant as ever.

"Looks like you really did a number on those guys—good job, Kiteyama." She put her hand on my head with a pat.

While I strangely just wanted that comforting gesture to continue, a spike of reiatsu scared me out of that comfort, and snapped my head in the direction.

Outnumbered by the now surrounding Shinigami, Koizumi summoned more of her entities to combat the new players. I looked to see Toushirou spread his wings above her; the aura that he had the upper hand in this battle clarified when I looked down to see Koizumi.

She was bloodied and barely hanging in there; that ferocious reiatsu was still behind her, but ultimately diminished by the strength of the icy ruler. She rose her hand to him, and in one foul swoop, he took her down with a frontal slice from collarbone to hip. She fell forward; her face planting on the bloodied pavement in a thud that I could still feel from my intertwined reiatsu to the life beneath the dirt.

Toushirou looked in my direction; his shirt bloodied along with parts of his face from the finishing move. His eyes were cold, yet a cold that wasn't as scary as it was worrisome. I knew that he didn't want to have done that just with his look; the guilt that dwelled beneath his aquatic colored hues hinting at an even deeper dread.

His head snapping to my right alarmed me; the quick movement of Shihouin Yoruichi saving me from the ghoulish figure that attacked out of nowhere re-igniting that panic I'd just swallowed. She set me down, and countered Koizumi's remnant entity with such a merciless reiatsu behind her punch that I couldn't help but swallow my tongue at the shock of her in general. She followed with a high kick to its head, and successfully severed it off to roll along the pavement. As the creature's severed head and body dispersed into the atmosphere, a person I wasn't expecting arrived before us.

"I'm here from Squad 4 to take the injured, please let me assist you!" Miyuki bowed her head quickly before running to my side.

I stared into those worrisome hazel eyes as they approached me; relieved that she wasn't in the middle of the battle, but on edge that she was even here to begin with.

"I leave her to you—stay put, Kiteyama!" Shihouin told me before she flashed stepped back to the battle.

"Kiteyama-san, please tell me where all of your injuries are!" Miyuki started uniting my obi at the sight of my bloodied side.

Toushirou appeared before us in that instant, and my head snapped up to the man provoking tears to escape my eyes. He'd dropped his bankai, yet kept his zanpakutou Hyourinmaru drawn and ready to take down any entity that dared come our way.

"Hitsugaya-Taichou," Miyuki bowed before completely sliding the obi off me.

"Kiteyama," He called my name formally.

I nodded; thinking that maybe he thought my zanpakutou was still in control. He bent down next to me, and looked me over—seeing the wounds that I inflicted, and the ones Koizumi got in; a deep glaze passing over his eyes as he saw the blood seeping through my shihakushou.

"I-I'm okay, Hitsugaya-Taichou! Thank you for coming to my aid!" I tried to sound formal.

He looked directly into my eyes, and I tried to flash a smile through my quivering jaw as best as I possibly could.

"There will be more Squad 4 members arriving shortly, Hitsugaya-Taichou—I will get to you as soon as I have another member here to assist me," Miyuki told him; eyeballing his light wounds as I did.

"Thank you for coming, Nankai," he told her before standing back up, and looking back at the battlefield.

"Of course, Hitsugaya-Taichou," she responded as she maneuvered me to take off my kosode.

I felt so terrible. Toushirou was blaming himself for everything that happened  _again._ The worst part about it was, we were in public, and he couldn't say what I already knew he wanted to say to me—especially since Miyuki was here and I was already on edge. I tried to suck back the saline gathering in my eye lids for a while longer—if I slipped now, I'd only intensify the guilt that already plagued him.

"Hitsugaya-Taichou," I called with falsified bravado straight from my past—my courage worked up to try to be tough even though all I wanted to do was cry.

He looked back at me, and I managed a small smirk.

"Go help the others so we can  _all_ recuperate. The faster you do, the faster we can all call it a day." I hinted.

He did his utmost to pierce through my façade, but for once in these crazy weeks, I was doing my utmost to be strong, and pull myself together for his sake.

"She's right, Hitsugaya-Taichou; we will be okay here if you feel like going to help the others." Miyuki added.

I wasn't sure if she could tell what the true reason behind my words were, but something told me that she was on to something—and I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

He didn't avert his gaze from mine, and I held myself together as much as I possibly could. After another moment, Miyuki began untucking my blood-stained white shitagi, and she halted for just a moment to see what Toushirou was going to do.

He didn't want to, but he knew I was right. On top of this, the zanpakutou still out and ready to go told me that he himself just wanted to finish things quickly. He broke the eye contact; a frustration held back to keep his status in check.

"I'll send Matsumoto in my place; take care of her in the meantime, Nankai." He ordered.

"Hai, Taichou," she told him as she unlatched my corset.

He gave me one last look, to which I returned with a softened gaze to help promote ease. He wanted to say something, but instead turned on his heel and took off toward the battlefield.

"A concerned one—isn't he?" Miyuki broke me out of my thoughts.

I looked back at her and fought off a blush; the small warmth that exuded from her smiling lips only intensifying the amount of concentration I needed to abstain.

"You think so?" I questioned absent-mindedly.

"Indeed I do," she finished unlatching the corset. "I'd told you to keep this off, but it looks like in your case it actually prevented a good amount of damage," she slightly shook her head.

I hummed as my reply; stating into the brunette's golden waves that reflected from the sun. I still didn't know how to feel about her other than awkward. While I semi wanted to be her acquaintance, at the same time I didn't want anything to do with her anymore. The guilt from the past she had no recollection of hurt me every time she was in my presence, and I didn't know if I could bear it any longer.

I looked down at my left hand still garnished with the fierce trench knife; remnant thoughts of how much my zanpakutou sacrificed for my safety fresher than all the wounds I currently had. I'd really made a mess out of everything. I needed to talk to her and properly apologize to her; if it wasn't for my—

A shadow looming over us stopped all trains of thought.

My head snapped up to see the woman I'd thought was dead ready to reap her revenge.

Miyuki didn't flinch—she didn't see her.

Koizumi rose her scythe up high, ready to slice Miyuki to get to me.

I did everything without a second thought.

I pulled Miyuki behind me, and with a rush of reflexive reiatsu, permanently ended it all on accident—a spiked root from behind Koizumi piercing straight through her chest.

Her scythe dropped, and that malicious reiatsu that radiated from her dropped along with it. Miyuki screamed from what I'd done, and the sound of her vocal chords reverberating fear made me process what I'd just done. Immediately, I called back the root to the ground. That sick feeling rose in my throat for the second time in my life—my mind beckoning numbness as my only escape from what I'd done.

The violent, gurgled hacking erupted in a thick red that splattered against me. The heaved and strained attempt at retaining life became less appealing as the seconds went by; the will to keep going that sparkled through the darkness became a slow flickering lightbulb ready to plunge into that smooth, time-slowing fizz before fading out completely. While some parts of me envied that sweet, slow release, the other part of me was grateful for what I now had—the wedge in the door that kept it from shutting completely.

As she crashed forward into me and painted me like an obscure artist possessed with seizure-riddled insanity, I took hold of the forest-haired female; allowing her to crumble into me with her final breaths. It was my fault she was in this state to begin with; it was my fault that I'd reacted out of the pure instinct of a cornered animal. If it wasn't for Miyuki…I…I don't think I would've—

"O-Oi,"

The female in my arms called to me; Toushirou steadily approaching as Miyuki's cries faded into the distance—my attention solely focused on the female inching off the cliff-side.

"D-Do the r-r-right thing…"

Her head tilted upward just enough so that she could move her retinas to the tops of her eyelids to see me. Those identical lavender irises that stared into my own stiffened me in a way I never thought possible.

She curved her mouth into a small, weak smile—her blood-stained teeth only adding to the anxiety ready to take me down in unconsciousness. Her shaking hand rose up toward me; her bloodied index finger stretched out and pointing at me.

"T-Take your life…before you…t-take ev-everyone's..."

She collapsed in my arms.

All reiatsu gone.

All signs of life—gone.

Toushirou arrived immediately; taking her out of my grasp, and taking hold of my shoulders. All the sounds around me faded, and I stared up into the sky with blank eyes as that familiar, comforting numbness finally spread through me; one thought the only thing I could focus on as my lips turned up in an insanity-stemmed smile.

_I'd taken another life._


	25. Chapter 25

I felt warm. A weird, yet comfortable feeling around me that seemed foreign, but familiar.

In this state between sleeping and waking, my mind drifted to peaceful imagery of a forest just before daybreak. It was cold, yet the blanket around me and the cup in my hands kept the cool atmosphere at bay as I watched the sun peek over the horizon to light the land. The blanket around me moved, and I shuddered at the cold air that contacted the back of my bare neck. I took hold of the fleeing cover to realize it wasn't a cover at all.

I looked back to see those hues I held above everything stare into me; a smile spreading on my lips at the discovery that it had been him all along keeping me warm. I slid myself to turn fully to him, setting the hot drink that left my skin warm to the side, and placed my heated hands along his crook of his neck and smooth jawline. I took his lips for my own; the gentle touch against my own warming my insides in a way that I knew only he could ever accomplish. Every second of it was like a dream; the way my heart fluttered, the way I couldn't get enough of him—I never wanted it to stop.

He took my hair in his hand; moving it forward to cover my bare collarbone in an effort to keep the cold at bay. From my collarbone, his fingers trailed my neck and up to my roots; taking a delicate hold at the base of my head to pull me into him—a gesture that made those butterflies flutter within me as if they'd stumbled upon a vast field of flowers. He deepened his gentle kiss; making my fingers tremble from the thumping heartbeat his action brought me.

In that moment, I realized that I wanted it all. Every inch of him savored in my memory banks to reference for the rest of my days, his old scars and mine to be smoothed out from one another's touch, the beat in our chests to unify in rhythm—that's what I wanted.

He pulled back from the kiss; caressing my lips with his as we both took a moment to catch ourselves.

"And your new scars?" he asked.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, almost making me lose the euphoric upturn of my lips. He continued before I could respond.

"Who would've known a flower like you could have such vicious thorns,"

I tried to pull back, but was frozen in place. My eyes were closed, and the fact that I couldn't open them scared me to my core. He pulled back, the hand that made me so comfortable leaving the base of my head to trail down to the center of my chest—the tip of it pointed and pressing against my chest.

"Open your eyes." A female voice commanded.

My eyes opened to see Koizumi Fumiko; bloodied all over her lips and down her neck, with a gaping hole in her chest. My panicked heartbeat intensified as I felt her wet blood linger on my lips, and when my eyes zeroed in on the torn flesh and pulsating insides of the scarlet hole of her chest.

She traced a circle on my chest to mirror the hole on hers; dragging her nail to penetrate my skin in a harsh slice as she drew.

"Can I really be someone you can forget?" She licked the blood on her lips. "How much longer can you avoid the truth?"

-x-x-

I startled awake; breaking through the warm containment to catch my breath.

"Akinoyo, I'm here," Toushirou cooed as he sat up urgently next to me.

I panted as I tried to assess the situation; looking around the room frantically for the zombified version of Koizumi Fumiko that was here to consume me entirely after licking her lips to emphasize her appetite. I knew that the thoughts rushing through my head were completely irrational and unjustified, but the emotions that stirred from that terrifying nightmare had me completely frazzled. Thoughts of the fact that our previous shape-shifting enemy could do something like that to me was another thought that came roaring back to life and added more weight atop my weakened mind—I was crumbling. I'd dealt with some pretty fucked up things in the past—but this was on another level of absolutely fucked.

His hand over my back brought me back from the storm clouds in my mind, and I snapped my head to him in unintentional response. He reached up to my cheek—the warmth of his hand making my intake falter from the overwhelming fear in the back of my mind that it wasn't him. But, would a fake Toushirou really be laying with me in bed? Or even worse…was this another nightmare?

"You're safe with me in my home—you're okay,"

I didn't realize I was crying until he wiped a tear from just beneath my eye; that small gesture making me just want to give in and trust in every word. I placed my hand atop his on my cheek; pressing the tips of my fingers in between his thumb and forefinger as I looked away from him.

"I killed her," I let slip just above a whisper. "I killed another one—I did it again; I-I—"

He pulled me forward to him; my head resting against the crook of his neck. That heartbeat—I could feel it just beneath my jaw; the soothing sound that made me just want to forget everything else. But how could I? After what I'd done— _I didn't deserve that comfort._

"You did it to save Nankai and yourself; you had to, Akinoyo,"

"Did I?" I combatted. "D-Did I really have to take her life?"

All I wanted was to just not recognize that it even happened, but it was too late for that. All the self-loathe I already had just doubled with this event. I thought that I'd finally started to make progress from the last chapter, but here I was—taking my second dosage to grow ever closer to insanity. My reaction when I'd realized she was dead—I smiled?

_I smiled._

It was  _funny_ to me; my actions didn't seem at all like protective measures for my life and Miyuki's in that moment anymore—it was downright like a child frying an ant with a magnifying glass the more I  _really_ thought about it. She referred to herself as a Kami, yet here I was playing the part—screw the technicality of the profession the two of us were once a part of.  _I had no right to take her life._ I could've taken out her legs, or aimed for a place that would've done miniscule damage, but enough to take her out—but what did I do?

My ramblings in these brief seconds were costly; as they kept multiplying in extremities, I could feel myself going back to that place I'd gone to when Miyuki died—the place that I dipped into twice within a month.

"You  _did,_ Akinoyo—you had a choice to make, and not enough time to take anything into consideration. You made the best decision with the cards dealt to you, and there is no shame in that."

He took the strands of my hair in my face and shifted them behind me as he spoke. By the way he spoke, it was almost as if he knew he was treading in dangerous waters; he was making sure that his point was getting across, but that it didn't seem like it was completely dismissing my feelings.

"She would have taken Nankai's life, and utilized you to take everyone else's; you made a decision that benefited every person in existence—including me, Akinoyo."

My face scrunched at his words, and I rose my hand up to take away some of the tears on my chin. I knew that, but it just felt so  _wrong._

"Thank you, Akinoyo," he whispered to me. "Not just for saving me, but for  _saving yourself._  You mean so much to me; the thought of losing you," he placed a soft kiss atop my head, as I let his words seep into my soul. "Is too much for me to bear,"

Kami it was like a hundred-year-old damn breaking. I took hold of his shirt with a vice grip and just let it out. He held me tightly; cradling me like the fetal-positioned child I'd become. I hated this. I hated how emotionally destroyed I'd become over this past month of fucking Hell. But what made it all better was the person holding me in his arms. I hadn't cried this hard in such a long time, but the fact that he was here to feel my pain, and help me make it go away was completely on a level that I'd never even thought possible. I'd avoided this for so long, but the truth was that I  _needed_ him. I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice if I wanted to stay somewhat sane—those years of numbness and the blockade of actual fucks to give were ones I never wanted to experience again. While it destroyed my pride of getting  _myself_  out of it, I couldn't care less about it anymore.  _I needed help._ And with someone that actually gave a shit about me, maybe he could help me begin to tunnel out of this absolute fucking madness. But still, my guilt triumphed over all.

"I'm so sorry, Toushirou; I d-don't mean to be like this—I'm just," I paused to collect myself. "getting so close to just blocking everything out again that I'm _s-scared_ ,"

Kami, all pride was gone **.** I hope you're proud of yourself.

His arm around me went to my bicep, and in a comforting gesture slid down to my forearm to the palm of my hand. My fingers curled as his fingers spread against my palm; the light tickle of the touch somehow encouraging me to calm to down. He intertwined his fingers with mine, and rose our hands up in front of me so it was in the center of my vision.

"This is why I'm here—to hold your handthrough the thicket. I empathize with what you're feeling—I've been in your shoes. It's a hard feeling to cope with, but it  _is_ something you can cope with, and eventually dismiss. There isn't a need to apologize, Akinoyo,"

He took my hand and kissed the back of it before resting it back down at my lap.

"If I am yours, and you are mine, then I will be here when you need me; when you're scared, when you're sad, even when you're angry—I'm here. This is what we agreed upon, isn't it?"

I guess so—didn't mean I didn't feel terrible about it.

I nodded my head lightly, gripping his hand still in mine, and trying to level myself.

"May I tell you something?"

I nodded again.

"What you're doing right now, is something that even I have trouble with—you're letting yourself feel. Instead of blocking it out, you're letting yourself work through your emotions—you're finding the courage to keep moving through it rather than avoiding it altogether."

He took some of the tears from my cheeks, before continuing with the words I already knew I'd hold dearly for the rest of my days.

"You don't think you're progressing, but you are; while these past weeks have been brutal—you're surviving. I know you hate tears, but this is all a part of growth. You will be past all of this one day, and when you look back, it will be nothing but a memory."

I had so many argumentative thoughts about it, but deep down—he was right. While I clutched to the bad and fueled my heart with loathsome thoughts to make it worse—was my way of thinking really right? Toushirou had been through situations like this before; with the way regret tainted some of his words, it almost seemed foolish not to adhere to what he was saying.

Miyuki had alleviated some of the pain by providing distractions and emotional comfort—Toushirou provided the tools necessary for a solution  _on top_ of providing that same emotional comfort. What if I trusted his words, and let myself react in accord? Would it truly result in that satisfactory self-reliance and composure I'd falsified for years on end? My pessimism couldn't be stopped.

"And if I can't?" I whispered.

"You may stumble," he squeezed my hand, "but I won't let you fall."

With a choked sob, I cleaned up my face, and tried to get my breathing back to normal. My heart couldn't process what he'd just told me—it beat sporadically through the metaphoric squeeze his words caused.

"Right now, let yourself feel, and we will discuss the situation later; it's good that you're letting this out now rather than holding it in. Tread lightly, and take respite when you need it—just keep moving forward. You will succeed, Akinoyo—you just have to trust in yourself."

Tread lightly, and take respite—with him holding my hand, the pace through the thicket didn't seem all that bad.

"Toushirou," I whispered. "Do you even understand how much your words mean to me?" I paused to sniffle and stifle a sob. "You make me feel like a person; like I matter, and everything that I've done including all the miniscule efforts I've made are worth something. And I love to hear your words, and I love everything that you're doing, but I just…"

My pessimism.

"D-Don't think that I'm worthy of it—of you…"

It was quick.

So soft, and with so much meaning that my heart ached tremendously.

His lips parted from mine and he kept them just hovering—that fractional distance too enticing for me to hold myself back for very long.

"You are, Akinoyo—you just aren't allowing yourself to see it," he whispered.

I hadn't realized it, but his kiss cemented the fact that I was parched; starved from the type of physical contact drenched in emotion that I needed. The tension was too much for me to handle—I'd strayed from it the past weak due to my own self-loathing, but right now, I…

"Toushirou, can we…take that respite  _together_?" I whispered. "Right now—just for a little while?"

He took hold of my chin between his thumb and forefinger—the gentle grip of encouragement decimating the barrier that held me back to a mere flick to crumble.

"I wouldn't have it any other way,"

My lips pressed back against his without even a second passing after his statement. I pulled the fabric I already clung to, and pulled him toward me with such a strength from desperation that I couldn't even begin to fathom just how built up I'd been this whole time. He let me take the reigns of our encounter, and with vigor I assumed command as my heart dictated.

I knew we were both wounded, and I knew to be careful, but I could care less about my own pain-radiating injury—the internal injury was far worse than the external, and I needed to begin healing that gaping hole within me before I could heal anything else.

At the rate I was going, he could sense what I was about to do. As I moved him to lean back against the wall with a pillow behind him for comfort, he took hold of my waist underneath the wound on my side; telling me by the movement that whatever it was I planned on doing, he was going to help me so it would be less strain.

As I turned my body to fully face his, I set my hand on the opposite side of him to support myself for the action I was about to ensue. As my leg shifted in effort to turn my lower half around, he slid his hands down my hips, and over my butt to take hold of my thighs; helping me to mount on top of him like I wanted. We were both fully clothed, but it didn't matter to me—at that moment I just wanted that closeness; the heat of him as I leaned myself against him as we kissed, and his hands trekking along me wherever he pleased.

I took hold of both sides of his face; nibbling his lips and kissing atop those spots to soothe the love-bites that fueled my lustful necessities. His hands were at my hips; fingers ghosting along my sides to cause more flutters of encouragement within me. He was restraining himself, and letting me make the moves; the actions I make would be what he would follow—wherever I wanted to go, he would reciprocate it tenfold. The very next action of mine proving the theory accurate.

I rocked my hips against him; that hardened region of his I grazed against me making my oxygen intake unsteady, and lips quiver. In retaliation, his hands gripped my bottom, pulling me forward into him again to repeat the same motion that summoned elation. His grip was strong, and I knew with it that he was indeed holding himself back; his fingers began to inch around my thighs to meet with the region he wanted most, but he promptly dismissed himself from the area entirely so as not to give in and take control like he wanted—an effort to let me have my way, albeit partially. His hands slid up my sides instead; gently over the wound and to my ribcage; fingers climbing them like a ladder to the fleshy portion he planned to overtake for my pleasure. As I took hold of his earlobe between my fingers to activate the untouched nerve endings, he finally crept to the center of my yukuta just beneath my bosom. He separated the cloth containing me slowly, and slipped his hand beneath the folds to uncover the bra-less breasts that hid beneath them.

He took hold of them delicately; the warmth from his palms so invigorating that I just about had to disconnect the kiss to stifle myself—but I didn't. I remained strong and in control, but reveled in the feeling that he caused. I slipped in my tongue; ready move to the next square on the chessboard to capture my King. While one hand of mine maneuvered behind his head to take hold of his roots, the other slicked down his chest and toward his obi; the tease I was desperate to return the favor with the only thing I wanted before the checkmate.

My fingers slipped beneath his yukata, and crept toward the region that would give him the most pleasure. He didn't squirm, but I could feel in just the way his lips moved against mine that I was trekking a dangerous path; one that would call for him to take the reigns from me and finish off the rest of journey. But I still went on with it anyway; tracing with two fingers the toned V-line from his left hip in a firm press to emphasize just how much I wanted him. His right hand left my breast to take hold of the back of my neck, and with a seductively firm grip of my hair, he broke the kiss; pulling me back just enough to nibble at the tender skin beneath my jawline as I caught my breath.

My hand proceeded; taking hold of him to finally begin my comeback. The cool intake of air caressed the moist skin of my neck where he inhaled; my action causing the reaction I wanted so that the two of us were finally on equal grounds.

As the two of us proceeded, my mind became overwhelmed with emotions that I hadn't thought possible; I was so entranced by him  _in not just a sexual way_  that it was almost unbelievable. Never before had I felt so deeply about someone to the point where all I wanted was to be close to them.  _Even with Miyuki_  I hadn't felt this way. The fact that she was truly a fading ghost of my past didn't bother me in the least like it had before—I was actually becoming grateful that she was fading; all I wanted now was him. I wanted him to be my everything—I wanted to have a reliance to him, but a healthy one that contributed to rebuilding my self-esteem and my own reliance on myself. The way that he was always here for me was what I wanted to become strong enough to provide to him—to chase  _his_ ghosts and atrocities away to make him feel just as important as he'd made me feel. Maybe I was moving a bit fast, but Kami, I hadn't felt this good in the history of ever.

Quick brushes against my skin with his lips made my stomach hollow and a deep breath to fill my lungs in hope of filling it. He'd been going easy on me, and so for his retaliation, his hands left their places to take position at my hips as his lips trailed down my chest. He carefully grazed my skin to make both hands meet at the base of my spine; one following the bone upward while the other travelled downward to take hold of the naturally cushioned region that rested against his thighs. He pressed my back in toward him; causing my chest to protrude forward at him; his soft lips and teeth claiming the valley between my twin mountains as his own.

With my free hand, I traced from his shoulder down toward the hand on my back; calling forth the limb to surrender to my will. He complied, and brought his hand to rest against mine; I took hold of it and moved it to my cheek for a brief moment. After a quick, revitalizing breath of comfort from his palm against my cheek, I moved his forefinger to my lips; brushing them against his rough skin with heated breath in a motion that hopefully had his mind drifting elsewhere. Feeling his breathing change just an increment told me that my effort was not in vain—his elation began to finally reach the point of full resonation with mine as I wanted.

He brought his legs up slightly to pull me closer and cradle me to him; my hand motion on him increasing from his actions that it seemed like the both of us were at a point where we couldn't resist it much longer—as the firm squeeze he made on me below told me.

"You're sure you want to do this?" he whispered before sucking at the tip of the right breast; his fingers beginning to press against my cheekbone in a small form of restraint.

The fact that he was sweet enough to ask me that made me smile; it was the first time a male had ever cared enough to make sure that this was what  _I_ wanted—not just what  _he_  wanted. I nodded softly due to the light-headedness this entire interaction caused, then collected myself to kiss the top of his snowy-haired head.

"Please," I whispered, sifting my fingers through his hair.

He halted his progress at my breasts, and took hold of me to pull me down to his lips gently; pressing his lips against mine in a long, heart-thumping kiss.

"Promise me you won't over-do it," he pleaded.

I was ecstatic that he was going to let me have my way, but more touched by the fact that he didn't want me hurt any more than I already was from over-exertion.

I pressed my lips against his, and put both hands at the base of his neck before taking a deep breath to prepare for what was coming.

"I promise,"

He took one last peck on our matching, smiling lips—one that implied gratitude of my comply to his request—then removed both of his hands from me to address the situation below.

With a removal of the garment between us, and a firm grab to my thighs to lift me…

Intoxication was finally mine.

A slow, cautious placement atop him putting my worried mind  _finally_ to rest.


	26. Chapter 26

"This will only hurt for a second, Kiteyama-san,"

"You know, Kotetsu-Taichou, I  _want_  to believe you but—"

I yelped as she tore off the bandage molded to my blood-crusted wound. I rose my clenched fist to my gritted teeth as I muttered curses.

"See? That wasn't too bad, ne?" She tried to coo me sheepishly.

I grunted for my only form of response through the nearly blinding pain.

She proceeded to treat me while my mind raced over the fact that this was the wound I myself caused. I had almost finished healing from the damn last one, and yet here I was with one I caused myself.

"Did something happen between yesterday and now, Kiteyama-san?" She asked me as she began working her reiatsu into the wound.

"What do you mean?" I questioned back with my best nonchalant effort.

I don't know what she touched, but the action radiated down my legs and up my chest in a single moment—I cringed and refrained from yelping as much as possible.

"You've torn your skin since last I saw you,"

Oh. Well. I mean…

"I kept having nightmares and sprang awake from all of them—it's more than likely because of that," I partially lied.

What was I supposed to say—I tore it from having semi-rough sex with Toushirou? Yeah, that would definitely fly. Toushirou would be so mad that I didn't tap out with a safe word—if he knew what that was—wait,  _did_ he know what that was? Last night certainly seemed like—

"I see," she replied hesitantly.

Kami she knew—I was tensing up. Damn it. Just play it cool.

I changed the topic as she continued to attend to the wound—the wound itself wasn't too deep, and with the amount of reiatsu she was putting into it, I felt a lot better than I had when I got here.

She didn't like the fact that Toushirou insisted that I stay at his house rather than here in her infirmary, but I was going to let the two of them duke it out and play the clueless game—thank Kami Toushirou was winning the fight until further notice.

After she finished patching me up and helping me get dressed, she called Toushirou in and asked me to step out for a moment. It kind of scared me because I had a bad feeling that she was going to ask him something uncomfortable—like our activity last night that I was still riled up about—but I had no choice but to wait patiently outside the room in the busy hallway. Although I really wanted to press my ear up against the door, I decided that I should probably walk down the hallway a bit so as not to seem like the eavesdropper I really wanted to be.

Several Squad Members rushed by; all pre-occupied by something or other in a way that made me feel like the laziest person in existence. While everything right now was at a critical point in my life—I really envied them. Well, I didn't envy the fact that they all more than likely saw some gruesome shit on the daily, but the fact that all of them had a purpose that they fulfilled each day—it seems almost miniscule when phrased that way, but I wished that I could be in their shoes.

Damn that man. I never envied anyone in that way before; I accepted my life and held myself to a standard that made sense due to my occupational misfortune, but now that I was doing this whole  _letting myself feel_ thing, the things I thought irrelevant now held huge relevance to me—I wasn't sure just how to proceed with it.

The door of one of the rooms I was about to pass was left open, and my damn curious nature had my head turn to inspect as I walked—of course to bite me right in the ass.

I bumped into someone due to my lack of attention; immediately bowing in embarrassment as their papers scattered on the floor.

"My apologies! I wasn't watching where I was going," I auto-replied without even looking up.

A giggle was the response I received; the vocal chords in question all too familiar.

"It's okay Kiteyama-san," Miyuki replied.

I opened my eyes at the voice, and noticed just how many papers fell on the floor due to my ignorance when I did. Immediately I squatted down to pick then up, almost colliding with Miyuki  _once again_ due to my un-lady-like drop—I winced at the abdominal pain.

"You okay, Kiteyama-san?" Miyuki reached and hovered her hand in front of me in case.

"Y-Yeah. I'm fine—sorry about making you drop all the papers," I tried my best not to cringe as I reached to pick all of them up.

"Not to worry at all, Kiteyama-san—accidents happen," she replied as she gathered them as well.

As I collected the papers, my head was wrapped around the fact that being in her presence wasn't as heart-wrenching as it was before. Sure, there was residual awkwardness that couldn't be avoided, but it didn't feel so uncomfortable as it had every other time she was near. Maybe it was  _indeed_ the actions that took place last night that solidified my feelings for each of them—Miyuki as my fading past, and Toushirou as my continuously increasing opaque future. It almost made me want to smile just thinking about it, but I had to remember to control myself and not seem like something was up between us—a hard task in itself.

I reached to retrieve one of the last papers—Miyuki's hand accidentally touching mine in an effort to take the same page. For some reason, I kind of just froze rather than have any type of reaction. I couldn't put my finger on it, but for some reason I didn't react in the same frazzled way as I had when I bumped into her.

"Ah, sorry, Kiteyama-san," Miyuki retracted her hand.

I picked up the paper, and was about to reply before my eye caught reflective green from the page—I couldn't help but solve that damn curiosity of mine.

"Oh, that's too comical," Miyuki began—she evidently caught my facial expression.

It was a picture of a forest; shades of greens and browns brilliantly making the picture pop as it depicted the wooden wonderland.

"I saved that picture for you,"

I blinked harshly once my brain processed her words—my look of confusion making her giggle again.

"I saw that picture in the Seireitei Bulletin; it was in an article for a great summer retreat. I thought that you would like it, so I tore it out of the magazine and was going to have it framed," she smiled, "it looks like you caught me before I could."

I blushed without consent. "Oh—you didn't have to go to the trouble, Nankai," Good Kami it felt weird calling her by her last name.

"No, not at all! I know that you've been going through a lot lately—it's the least I could do to cheer you up,"

Well that certainly was thoughtful—I didn't really know how to respond other than thanking her.

"That's very sweet of you—thanks." I smiled. "There's no need to frame it though; I don't really have my own place to put it anyway. I'll just keep the photo as is." I began to fold it.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, thank you," I sported a small smile in appreciation.

Once I finished folding it, I tucked it into my inner pocket, and looked up at her to hand her the papers I collected. She took them, and once she stacked them along with the others, stood up after me.

"Thanks for helping me pick all of those up,"

"No problem; sorry again, and I'll be seeing you," I nodded at her and turned on my heel.

"Kiteyama-san," she seized my wrist suddenly, and the contact surprised me enough to make my head snap back to her.

She had that smile that used to uplift my spirits spread on her lips; flashes of her spreading her arms out for me to enter into now flooding my thoughts with cravings I'd decided to put to rest.

"Maybe this summer we could go there together?" She prompted.

I smiled at her, but before I could say anything, she continued.

"You do love the forest after all, and I'd love it if your first time visiting would be with me,"

My facial expression dropped.

She…she just…

"Thanks for waiting, Kiteyama," Toushirou announced; arriving at that moment with my wrist still in her possession.

She dropped her hold on my wrist to formally bow at him.

"Hello, Hitsugaya-Taichou—how are you feeling today?" She smiled up at him.

I didn't even listen to his response.

What she just said…wad she starting to  _remember_ our past?

"I'll see the two of you soon—please take care!" she bowed and excused herself.

I stood there unsure of how to respond to what just happened. With just one sentence, she was able to stir the emotions I'd officially laid to rest—I couldn't do this; at all costs I  _couldn't_ let them rise again.

"What happened?" Toushirou asked me.

I snapped myself out of it to turn to him. "Nothing. What did Kotetsu-Taichou say?" I subject-changed.

He knew better than to trust my words, but due to where we were decided to temporarily let the topic pass.

"She wants you to stay here, but I fought her on it." He turned, and I did as well to follow him toward the exit.

"Good; I wouldn't want to stay here anyway," I shoved my hands in my sleeves as I walked. "Anything else?"

"Just the situation outside the facility, but I'm assuming your zanpakutou is out of commission at the moment, so we'll deal with that later."

Oh shit. I forgot that the outside of Division 4 was still destroyed from the battle yesterday.

"I see; okay sounds good." I confirmed his acquisition.

We emerged outside, and I immediately reached for my tucked away tin—he already knew without having to ask.

"Wait a few moments longer—let's get to my office first,"

I nodded and turned to him; he picked me up carefully with ease—I couldn't say that it didn't still make me blush. We took off back toward the barracks; his steps fast but controlled as he glided with me across the sky. I nuzzled into him as I always did—the warmth of the bare skin I pressed against re-igniting the warmth he made me feel inside. He didn't say anything during the trek, and before I knew it we were already outside the office building.

It was still early, and hardly any shinigami were about the building. He set me down, and when my land-legs were brought back to life, he did something that he'd never done before—he took my hand in his, and proceeded forward. The blush I had on my face before was child's play compared to what it was now. I nervously tightened my grip, to which he responded in a light, reassuring squeeze to help calm me. He knew his action was foreign to me, and while I assumed it was also foreign for him, he played it off with such an unfazed confidence that I was envious.

"She told me about the tear,"

Damn it—I knew it.

"I didn't even feel it happen and only really noticed it after the fact," I tried to wave it off. "I would've said something if I'd felt it—I promised I would,"

Okay, so I  _did_ feel it when it happened, but I was in such a trance that I paid it no mind and just wanted to continue. The first time we'd done things at all was different; that wound was on the front of my torso rather than my side, was far deeper than this one, and the pain was more intense when I sat up compared to this one. Stopping at that time couldn't be avoided, stopping this time  _had_ to be avoided for my mental health's sake after what happened with Koizumi.

I made my rebuttal by leaning into him, and taking hold of his arm with my other hand as we walked—hopefully he wouldn't see through my tactic. Then again, he  _was_ a tactician when it came to any offensive or defensive tactics.

He assessed me without looking, and with an exhale finalized his reply. "No more of that until you're healed—I can't have you getting hurt like that,"

While my prior, pig-headed self would've retaliated in a rather obnoxious fashion, I had to take his feelings into account. While his tone seemed normal, I had a feeling that inside he was somewhat angry at himself for letting it happen in the first place. I mean, I provoked him, and I was the one that insinuated everything—he shouldn't take blame for something that wasn't his fault. But then again—now that I thought about it— _did_ he blame himself for giving into me?

"Toushirou," I stopped and withdrew my extra hold. He turned to look at me, and I looked up at him. "Do you regret what we did?"

His face didn't change, but I assumed that maybe he was just holding it in to make me not feel bad. Kami, is this the kind of shit people deal with in relationships if that's what this was? Reliance on body language, over-thinking, and second-guessing every action to the point of panicked heart palpitations? I suddenly felt so terrible during that brief silence before his reply. The thought of making  _him_ uncomfortable or invoking feelings of regret hurt  _me_.

"I regret not thinking it through enough to realize that you weren't ready for that with your injuries, but as for everything as a whole—I meant what I did and said." He paused and tucked a stray hair of mine behind my ear.

"While I  _should_ have urged us to wait—you weren't the only one that needed that," he leaned down to me, and pulled me into him with a kiss.

"The two of us need to work through our own strife—with the help of one another. Last night not only was a respite for you, it was one for me too—thank you, Akinoyo,"

Bad feelings—gone; good feelings—back in action. It's baffling what this man could accomplish.

"That's a relief," I pecked his lingering lips. "You had me worried," I muttered.

I could feel the small grin forming on his face—the jerk. "My apolo—"

"Goodness!"

With the speed I flew back from Toushirou and against the wall with, you'd think I remembered how to flash-step.

Embarrassment—check; anxiousness—check; frail, feeble female tendencies—check; panic—in full effect.

"I  _knew_  it! I am so happy for you guys!" Rangiku rushed me.

Fucking Kami I was so embarrassed—could I just crawl in a hole and die please? I needed this shyness to incinerate in the fiery pits of Hell.

She took hold of me and wrapped her arms around me to squeeze the life out of me. "This is  _too_ great! I can't even tell you how happy I am right now! It's about damn time!" she squealed—was this what it was like to have an actual friend?

"Don't make a scene, Matsumoto," Toushirou  _almost_ scoffed at her.

She immediately let me go and stomped up to him.

" _Oh no—_ I'm having this one, Taichou. Do you even understand how many  _years_  I've waited for this moment? Don't be such a stick in the mud, and let me be happy for you!"

I wasn't expecting this  _at all,_ but I was too impressed and overjoyed to see it happen—Rangiku reached up, and  _pulled_ his cheek as if he were still a child; my barking laughter couldn't be contained.

Immediately Toushirou smacked her hand away with a glare. "You shouldn't grab a person's face— _let alone your Taichou!_ " he  _almost_ sneered.

"Like I care! I'm celebrating this occasion whether you like it or not—I'm owed that much for having known you this long!" She sassed right back. "Drinks all around!" She grinned.

My inner alcoholic perked. "Yes on all accounts!"

"No—no drinks, and nomaking a huge fuss over it, Matsumoto. This needs to stay quiet for the time being." Toushirou scolded.

She huffed in response—defeated in her celebratory rambunctiousness she was beginning to ensue. This woman was such comedic relief—I couldn't be more grateful.

"Fiiiiiiine. This  _will_ be celebrated though, and there  _will_ be drinks." She whined—the annoyance surfacing in Toushirou was so hilarious that I could barely handle not teasing him.

Rangiku grinned at me, and dismissed Toushirou with the sassiest of hair-flips known to mankind. I had to purse my lips to keep it together. She lopped her arm in mine, and proceeded forward to the office—leaving Toushirou in the dust.

I turned my head to wink at him so he wouldn't chop her head off.

-x-x-

"So, now that we have more to work with, let's take a closer look at these results now that you're awake."

The pictures of the abducted female Shinigami I'd skimmed through prior were now spread across where I smoked outside; each of them now possessing a taped piece of paper with their names on it at the bottom of their photo.

"I've organized these photos based on the earliest abduction. We have a total of 13 including yourself that have gone missing over the course of 40 years—the fact that we haven't come up with a better system to prevent situations like this is beyond me." He took the stack of paperwork he'd set down to arrange the photos.

"Kato Hanako:

Formerly an unranked member of Squad 10—M.I.A. 40 years ago during a Hollow investigation in the Rukongai.

Hashikawa Keiko:

Formerly the 18th seat of Squad 8—M.I.A. 37 years ago during a routine World of the Living Hollow extermination.

Fujita Kaori:

Formerly an unranked member of Squad 3—M.I.A. 29 years ago during a Hollow investigation in the Rukongai.

Maeda Ayame:

Formerly the 23rd seat of Squad 5—M.I.A. 26 years ago during a group training in the Rukongai in which a group of Hollow mobilized and attacked. Several were injured, none dead, one M.I.A.

Ishikawa Dai:

Formerly an unranked member of Squad 4—M.I.A. 21 years ago on an expedition in the Rukongai. They assumed all Hollow were exterminated and called for Squad 4's relief team, but evidently the battle wasn't over. Three died, several injured, one M.I.A.

Tanaka Saya:

Formerly the 27th seat of Squad 6—M.I.A. 18 years ago on a routine World of the Living Hollow Extermination.

Shimamura Yuuri:

Formerly an unranked member of Squad 1—M.I.A. 16 years ago on a scouting mission in the Rukongai. Hollows attacked, leaving several injured, and her M.I.A.

Koizumi Fumiko:

Formerly an unranked member of Squad 7—M.I.A. 15 years ago without any mission assigned to her.

Nakagawa Sayuri:

Formerly an unranked member of Squad 12—M.I.A. 12 years ago during an investigation within the Precipice World. Hollows attacked the unprepared team, resulting in several injured aside from the M.I.A. squad member.

Okamoto Hikari:

Formerly an unranked member of Squad 11—M.I.A. 11 years ago during a Hollow investigation in the Rukongai.

Fukuda Yumei:

Formerly an unranked member of the Stealth Force—M.I.A. 9 years ago during a training in the Rukongai. Hollows appeared and were defeated with no injury or casualty, but Fukuda did not return.

Uchida Haruka:

Formerly an unranked member of Squad 9—M.I.A. 7 years ago during a Hollow investigation in the Rukongai.

Kiteyama Akinoyo:

Formerly the 28th seat of Squad 13—M.I.A. 5 years ago during a Hollow investigation in the Rukongai. Currently seated in front of me,"

I was glad that he threw the last tidbit in there. Hearing him talk about this subject in particular was already enough—when he got to Koizumi I had to bite my lip to stifle myself from the surfacing guilty emotions; luckily he didn't mention her deceased date. I tried to make the corner of my lips upturn in a small smirk, but ended up failing in the attempt with the seriousness of the topic.

"All of these are Hollow related," I pointed out. "Regardless of the location or the reasoning behind the excursion, it seems as though Hollow involvement was one of the root conditions of the abductions for everyone aside from Koizumi." I took a deep drag from my kiseru—a necessary measure to calm myself—before looking at each of the photos again.

I took Koizumi's photo; looking deep into her serious eyes as if they could telepathically tell me what in the fuck was going on—to no avail of course. Still though, something was different about Koizumi than the rest of us; the fact that she's the only one aside from myself—which I was completely accidental—that has made an appearance really says something.

"Are you thinking she went to the Organization willingly?" Rangiku voiced my next thought.

I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes before setting the photo back down. "I was, but that would be far too easy. Aside from that, her last words to me only prove that it couldn't be the case."

I opened my eyes, and looked up to the clouded sky; trying to keep myself in check rather than crumbling so early in the day. "She told me to ' _do the right thing: take my own life before I take everyone else's.'_ To me, it almost sounds like she didn't have a choice in her actions—as if she were being forced to kill others. With the regretful tone that laced her words, I find it hard to believe that she went willingly. There has to be some type of catch."

"With how frequent the past 40 years have been, along with the intel within the Seireitei, perhaps abduction for her didn't require a type of expedition cover-up. Maybe a form of blackmail," Toushirou crossed his arms and sat next to Rangiku.

"I think it had to have been blackmail; with just a simple approach, there's no way she wouldn't have tried to run, or scream for help—there must've been something important at stake." Rangiku added.

I thought of how I'd let sacrifice dominate me in the past with Miyuki, and even now with Toushirou—I'd give my life for them without a second thought; the fact that Koizumi couldn't even fight back made the base of my throat hollow.

"I have other news about her," I began; gaining the turning of their heads in attention. "From the beginning of the fight, she felt very familiar to me. Her reiatsu was strange and all-around monstrous, but something that I've felt before—something that immediately translated to incredibly dangerous. I didn't like the feeling of it—it scared me to my core, and in my mind I knew that somewhere within me, I once  _knew_ Koizumi."

I turned to look at them; my eyes shifting every so often. "My zanpakutou confirmed my feelings of familiarity; she  _knew_ that reiatsu, but said that Koizumi was not from the past she was apart of. She said that Koizumi wasn't one that I would've particularly associated myself with in the past, but that she didn't know any more about her  _specifically_ than I did."

"If I may," Rangiku interjected. "Can you touch in about the  _'not from the past she was apart of'_ part? Zanpakutou are born with their Shinigami, and die with their Shinigami—what does your zanpakutou mean by that?" she questioned.

I shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. She ignored my questioning after that because we were in the middle of the fight, and I haven't talked to her since. My zanpakutou urged me to not utilize her because I wasn't ready…now I can't even get a hold of her. As soon as I can reach her, it's definitely the first thing on my list."

"That makes me come to a conclusion that's been on my mind for a while now," Toushirou began. "If what your zanpakutou said is true, aside from the temporary inexplicable absence of her in your past, you had prior dealings with all of these abducted Shinigami. If her reiatsu was familiar to both you  _and_ more specifically your zanpakutou, then it eliminates the possibility of you meeting her within the past five years. While at the moment the actual memory is lost, the fact that you both were able to recognize what she was proves it. You along with the other 12 were all gathered  _prior_ to these documented abductions. Something happened more than 40 years ago, and whatever it was didn't go according to our enemy's plan—hence the abductions to remedy the situation."

He had to be right. This wasn't just an abduction at random—this was a  _planned_ operation to rectify some situation from the past. There was a few minor tidbits that didn't add up though.

"It sounds like you hit the nail right on the head," a familiar and unexpected voice chimed in.

I shot around to zero-in on the voice so fast my neck almost snapped—Toushirou and Rangiku weren't fazed in the least.

The black cat I hadn't seen since Urahara's had crept into the garden; hopping up onto the wooden floorboards the three of us were seated on and walking toward the photographs.

"I've had the same feeling as soon as Kisuke brought back all of these photographs. The two things that aren't adding up now that we've gathered this data are these: is there a reason why all of them were in each Squad of the Gotei 13, and is there a reason why Akinoyo wouldn't want to keep them in her company? The first in regard to separating out into each of the Squads would make sense if there was an undergoing operation that required the cooperation of each, but the second puts that theory to rest. If Akinoyo detested, feared—or what have you—the others enough to avoid them, then any type of planned operation theory doesn't make sense." The black cat elaborated.

"I can agree with that," Toushirou commented as the male cat sat next to me.

I took another drag; petting the cat next to me softly while I exhaled. "Long time no see—do me a favor and don't sneak up on me like that,"

The cat nuzzled his head into my hand and ushered me to pet down his neck and to his back as he stood. "Well then let me warn you here and now that someone's approaching," he told me before turning around.

I subconsciously put my hand on the hilt of my zanpakutou—the fact that I was scared enough to have this as a reaction was saying something. Rangiku's soft hand placed over mine—a soft coo that we weren't in danger, and to drop my guard. As soon as I did, five men and a woman appeared in front of us—the woman and one of the men I completely wasn't expecting to see.

"Kiteyama Akinoyo—the time has come," Kurotsuchi Mayuri—the Taichou of Squad 12 that rattled my nerves on another level—began. "You're to come with me for further investigation immediately,"

"What's the meaning of this, Kurotsuchi?" Toushirou stood.

"Kiteyama Akinoyo, you are subject to immediate arrest if you do not comply—hand over your zanpakutou."

"Explain, Soi Fon," the black cat commanded the female Taichou.

I took my zanpakutou out from her position on my backside, and placed her in front of me—to which one of the men immediately took her.

"The results of her bloodwork called for immediate action—until further notice, she is an enemy of the Soul Society."


	27. Chapter 27

"An ' _enemy until further notice_?' On what grounds?"

The anger in Toushirou was apparent, but in a way that hit me more than it hit them. He was still being professional, but protection was a firm undertone that made itself apparent probably only to Rangiku and I.

"I have no need to explain myself to you, Hitsugaya-Taichou; by order of the Soutaichou, any threat to the Soul Society must be kept in custody—"

"And does the Soutaichou know what you're doing?" Toushirou cut off Kurotsuchi-Taichou. "Last time I checked,  _I_ was the one in charge of Kiteyama—she isn't a threat to the Soul Society regardless of whatever it is that resulted from her blood—"

"I  _did_ consult the Soutaichou, for your information, Hitsugaya-Taichou; for the time being, she's to be in my custody." Kurotsuchi-Taichou snapped his fingers, and the men stepped forward.

I struck a match, and lit the remnant tobacco in the pipe. I took a deep drag in silence with several pairs of eyes on me, and cleared the ashes out of the pipe before tucking it away and standing up.

"Thank you for letting me take one last drag. I'm ready." I clenched my fists and stepped forward.

One of the black-garbed men—I assumed from the stealth force—stepped up and reached for me. "I'll be the one to—"

"You won't." Toushirou intervened; sternly staring down into the man with an aura of warning. " _I'll_  be the one escorting her to the facility." He clarified. "Matsumoto,"

"Way ahead of you," she quickly collected all of the documents, and took off.

"I'll be joining—lets see the fruits of Kurotsuchi-Taichou's labor." The feline strutted toward Soi Fon-Taichou.

Toushirou picked me up, and we took off before the others.

I clutched his shirt—now that it was just him and I, I allowed my bravado to slip and ease myself into him for what could possibly be the last time.

"Bare with this for now," he began, making sure that we were far ahead enough to be out of earshot. "I don't care what he says; you're not an enemy, and they will not be allowed to hold you in custody while I'm here."

The lump in my throat was hard to swallow. Although his words took off some of the edge, the thought of being…

"Toushirou—I'm scared," I didn't mean to whimper, but my emotions left no choice in the matter.

Without me having to say it, he knew what I was truly scared of. It wasn't the fact that I was deemed an enemy, and it wasn't the fact that I would be held in custody like a prisoner—it was the event that I  _still_  had trouble coping with.

His grip on me tightened, and he held me closer to him. "I'm not going to let that happen—it won't be like that,"

I pressed my ear to his chest—listening for that fast-paced heartbeat that eased me each time I heard it. Kami, I hoped he was right.

We arrived at Squad 12's Division, and Toushirou set me down as the others arrived. Kurotsuchi-Taichou marched forward into his domain like the tyrant he consistently portrayed; his Squad members bowing at his entrance and the young girl from before—Nemuri? I was terrible with names since I didn't remember the cat either—fell into his flank.

"You and your men are dismissed, Soi Fon-Taichou—I'll take it from here. Hitsugaya-Taichou, and Shihouin Yoruichi, the two of you are also dismissed." Kurotsuchi-Taichou said without even turning around—the fucking nerve of this guy was too much.

"For the time being, I'm solely letting you take her I to your Division, Kurotsuchi-Taichou; I'll be present for the entire duration of her  _visit_ here until the Soutaichou gives the word." Toushirou shot back—thank you, Kami.

"Soi Fon and I are staying for additional informational purposes—don't worry, we'll stay out of the way," the cat—Shihouin Yoruichi—replied. Why did that name sound so familiar?

Kurotsuchi-Taichou scoffed at their retorts, and continued forward. I was shocked that there was no snippy comeback from him since this man was the epitome of an asshole.

Toushirou ushered me with a light tap, and I made myself strut forward before Soi Fon-Taichou behind us said anything. Toushirou walked at my pace beside me with a cool demeanor rather than the angered one he expressed before—I on the other hand struggled to maintain normal breathing patterns.

While I technically didn't have anything aside from disgust on Kurotsuchi-Taichou—I still didn't like him. I didn't want to be anywhere near him, yet now I was supposedly in his custody because of my blood?

We walked into the room of preserved creatures, and it was then that I started to lose it again. My head shifted back and forth at all the seemingly innocent lifeforms trapped like fucking pickles in jars—the thought of that now being  _my_ future causing my heart rate to increase in speed tenfold.

We made it to the room we had visited before, and as soon as we did, Kurotsuchi-Taichou snapped his fingers, and several of his white-coated lab rats swarmed in and took my arms.

"O-Oi!" I tried shaking them off.

"Kurotsu—"

"Let me remind you that she is currently  _in custody_ —moving her to a holding cell is necessary until I can inspect her." He cut Toushirou off.

Toushirou looked back at my cornered-mouse facial expression, and so I took a deep breath and stopped resisting even though every fiber of my being wanted to react like a cornered lioness. I calmly walked in the direction they pulled me, and once we got to what I assumed was some type of advanced technological hardware lining the wall, a push of a button turned the wall—a huge glass vial emerging from the shadows. My fear from not more than one minute ago completely being brought to life.

"You can't be serious?" Toushirou's angered warning phased  _even me._

The man on my right pushed me forward as the glass opened, and with stars clouding my vision from the increased heart rate, I stepped in—tears on the brink of the edge.

"It's a necessary precaution—with the threat she poses, it is a risk I'm not willing to take. That holding chamber is strong enough to withstand the force of a Taichou—she isn't getting out of there unless  _I_ let her out." He told him.

"She isn't a threat to us Kurotsuchi—the past month I've safeguarded her has proven it to me—"

"So you  _think,_ Hitsugaya-Taichou," he cut him off.

Kurotsuchi-Taichou turned his back to us, and went to his huge computer; typing speedily across the abnormal keys with his atrociously long-nailed fingers. Several images popped up onto the screen; pictures of items I'd never seen before in my life that successfully churned my stomach with the bad feelings they added to my light headedness.

"Now tell me—who remembers what this is?" Kurotsuchi-Taichou turned around to face us; grinning albeit having angrily furrowed brows—an odd expression of sarcastic annoyance.

"The Hougyoku," Toushirou replied.

His tone alone told me that whatever it was he just said was bad—ensue the public display of panic.

"Precisely." Kurotsuchi-Taichou mockingly replied as he turned around.

With a quick, coordinated stroke of the keyboard, one of the background images on the screen was brought forward, overlapping the prior image of the Hougyoku. It looked like two strands of DNA, but it didn't quite meet the movie criteria that normally portrayed it—this was different. This was too irregular to be called DNA, yet was the only conclusion I could come to. In an instant, the picture became sectioned off in chunks; foreign language and verbiage appearing in the sections as if to explain the results of the product.

"After the skirmish with the Espada in Las Noches along with the battle that took place leading to Aizen Sousuke's defeat," Kurotsuchi-Taichou began, "I had the pleasure of gaining several exciting test subjects. Within my plethora of corpses, I was able to gather vital data in regard to the Hougyoku; so much that I could easily create one in its  _perfected_ state—a feat neither Urahara Kisuke or Aizen Sousuke were able to accomplish on their first attempts. I dropped the subject after collecting the data I was after due to a lack of interest, however, that doesn't mean the data wasn't fascinating enough for me to retain the properties of it in my immediate memory."

"So then the reason why you've deemed Kiteyama Akinoyo a threat," Shihouin prefaced.

"Correct; with just the small sample of blood, I was able to detect striking similarities within her biological make-up to that of the Hougyoku." He turned to look at me—his piercing mustard-colored eyes framed by his black and white contrasting skin making my heart skip several beats.

"On record, there were only two Hougyoku ever created; one by an infuriating man infatuated with the ' _greater good'_ —as the simpletons phrase—and the other by a man infatuated with surpassing Kami by malevolent means. Which leads me to a few conclusions that I by no means choose to risk; the first and more than probable, being the same as Abarai Rukia—within you is a  _third_  Hougyoku. If this is the case, then it can branch into two outcomes—you are unaware of this, and are being utilized by someone else, or, you  _are_ aware of this, and have merely merged with it as Aizen Sousuke had. The later the more threatening outcome of the two."

He looked at me as if I'd annihilated people for fun. As if I were a malevolent, blood-thirsty criminal meant to be in a fucking cage.

"It seems a bit unwise to jump to conclusions,"

All heads turned to see Abarai-Taichou at the door; her facial expression stern and serious as she strutted forward into the room.

"I don't remember handing out invitations to just storm into my domain without first getting clearance," Kurotsuchi scoffed.

"So this is your reasoning for deeming my subordinate an enemy? An accusation at a woman void of any memory from before five years ago? While I understand the precaution—you're being a bit extreme," Abarai-Taichou halted beside Toushirou.

"Call it what you will, Abarai-Taichou, but the fact remains that until tested, Kiteyama Akinoyo is a threat. What if the loss of her memory is simply a ploy? How do  _you_ know for certain that she isn't deceiving us?"

"You think I  _chose_ the life I had?"

All heads turned to me—in seconds my overwhelming panic was replaced by sickening anger. I'd had enough of this—had  _enough_ of accusations I knew nothing about.

"You think I lived for  _five years_ as a fucking slave for no reason? You think the tracker bracelet that confined me to a gigai as well as the organization was something I  _chose_  to put on myself? Countless drugs, countless violations, countless times  _I've been beat_ —that's all seemingly a ploy to you? Ask Hitsugaya-Taichou what he saw;  _ask him_ about what he had to forcefully pull me out of due to my  _lack of strength."_

I shouldn't have been talking that way to a Taichou, but my anger was increasing by the second, and there was no holding back anymore.

"I don't know what a Hougyoku is, and I barely recall hearing the name Aizen Sousuke, but regardless, your accusation of me is wrong.  _I am not an enemy._ You're more than likely right—I probably do have that thing within me, and if I do, that  _doesn't mean_ that I plan on utilizing it to harm  _anyone._ I let you take my blood _,_ let you and Soi Fon-Taichou bring me here, and I walked into this glass prison without struggle—I'm letting myself be at the mercy of everyone here in exchange for assisting me with this complete shit of a situation I'm unfortunately in. That alone should prove where my allegiance lies, Kurotsuchi-Taichou; if I truly were an enemy, you wouldn't have my blood in the first place—think about that for a second. Do your inspection—get the answers that both you  _and I_ need, but don't go around making such drastic assumptions about someone you haven't had the decency of having a five minute conversation with!"

My fists were clenched, and my gaze just as piercing as the arrogant scientist staring back at me.

"You  _dare_ address a Taichou in that fashion?" Kurotsuchi's reiatsu flared with his anger.

"Wouldn't you if the circumstances were reversed?" Abarai-Taichou replied for me—Kami I loved her more and more each time she surfaced.

"For you to—"

"Leave the punishment to my discretion since she is  _my_ Squad member. Go on with your analysis and what exactly it is you're planning on accomplishing, Kurotsuchi-Taichou." She cut him off.

With an audible grunt of disgust, Kurotsuchi-Taichou turned back to the screen to continue pulling up information.

"With yesterday's debacle with Koizumi Fumiko, I discovered another tidbit of important information,"

He pulled up the corpse of Koizumi Fumiko on the screen, and it took everything in my power not to vomit from the visual that scarred my soul. I looked away from the screen—breathing heavily to calm myself as I stared at the Kanji on Toushirou's haori.

"With my findings from Kiteyama Akinoyo's blood, and the  _supposed_ situation she's in; the first test I did on Koizumi Fumiko was a comparison to my findings. The results weren't so shocking—their biological make up is almost identical; prompting the question of  _multiple_ Hougyokus rather than just one—who knows of the other 11," He turned back around to his audience; observing their facial expressions as he concluded. "Koizumi Fumiko's appearance and her motive in retrieving Kiteyama Akinoyo already told us there is an upcoming battle for the Gotei 13, but with this new discovery, would it turn into battling a dozen versions of Aizen Sousuke?"

"Aizen had no hint of having created another Hougyoku—if he had another, then he wouldn't have concocted the plan  _involving me_ to retrieve the one Urahara created to combine with his own." Abarai-Taichou began. "There has to be some type of mistake to this,"

Before Kurotsuchi could make his snarky reply, Shihouin walked over to me to gaze at me through the glass as he spoke. "While you're correct involving the quantity of Hougyoku created; it is highly unlikely that Kurotsuchi-Taichou's findings aren't correct." He turned around and sat before looking at the group in front of us.

"I've seen this type of information before during my time at Kisuke's—there's no doubt in my mind that Akinoyo has traces of the Hougyoku within her; which would make it absolutely vital for the enemy to capture her back. This is the reason she, and all the others were abducted—they were the test subjects that crawled out of their containment cells. How everything came to be is still unknown, however, this data Kurotsuchi-Taichou has presented uncovers an important piece of this puzzle." He paused for a quick breath before continuing.

"Do I think that Akinoyo is an enemy? Absolutely not. However, I do agree that she needs to be examined for full-proof evidence that she indeedcontains a Hougyoku, or was created to  _become_ a Hougyoku." The night-shaded tom-cat turned to look at me, and I stared into his amber eyes doing my utmost to be calm and collected. "The more we know about her, the more we can get to the bottom of this mess." He concluded.

"At least one of you is intelligent enough to understand the seriousness of this situation," Kurotsuchi-Taichou commented with heavy annoyance.

"What about the journal found in her possessions? There could be more information about this in particular in it," Toushirou brought up.

"I've been busy researching her blood; Nemuri Hachijou will continue the translation once we're finished with her examination." Kurotsuchi-Taichou replied.

"And how is it exactly you plan on examining her? You've already taken a blood sample—what's left other than a reiatsu scan?" Abarai-Taichou questioned.

"My, my, the concern the two of you have for her is  _touching,"_ he crudely remarked. "There are several other tests other than just a reiatsu scan—all of which are necessary for absolute certainty." He passed Toushirou and Abarai-Taichou to get to the vial glass container I stood in.

He pressed a few buttons on the wall beside my container, and immediately my world turned into a vibrant shade of neon blue. I looked around like a frantic mouse—looking down at my hands and limbs like they were about to be completely severed in one foul swoop. The light came from beneath me of course, a light heat making me more claustrophobic than I already was. Was this his version of a reiatsu scan? I looked up to Toushirou with my worry clearly readable on my face—his cool eyes telling me to breath from a distance.

"There are two ways to extract a Hougyoku," Kurotsuchi-Taichou crept into view.

"No, Kurotsuchi—you can't!" Abarai-Taichou suddenly stepped forward. "I won't allow you to do  _either_ of those to her. They're both extremely—"

"You don't think I know of this, Abarai-Taichou? It's about time you annoying lot left—you're all getting on my last ner—"

"I won't allow you to bring harm to my subordinate, Kurotsuchi-Taichou." She cut him off. "Until Hitsugaya-Taichou or I see the written order, you're not touching her." She finalized—Kami, my Taichou was awesome.

My machine flickered the neon light that dilated my pupils as Kurotsuchi-Taichou scoffed; the machine turning off completely in an instant. His main computer had several images surface at the reading, but he stayed next to me while he made his retort.

"Whether you like it or not, Abarai-Taichou, I am _going_  to get to the bottom of this _._ She is a threat because of what she is  _even if_ all of you don't deem her an enemy. Within her very make-up lies a power that once threw the realms into chaos, and I don't plan on letting that happen again! If she isn't an enemy, then at the very least she needs to learn control before the enemy at our doorstep utilizes her to destroy us all! Until further notice  _I_ am in charge of her, and I will make sure that this situation is contained before it gets out of hand!" he practically shouted at her.

While I didn't like him, and was scared out of my mind at the thought of him possibly ripping me open—from where he stood he had a valid point.

"Kurot—"

"Hitsugaya-Taichou," I interjected.

All eyes went to me, and I swallowed the hard lump in my throat.

"He has a point. I don't like it either, but at this point, I don't think there's another alternative." I stared into Abarai-Taichou. "Whatever 's inside me, or whatever I am is the piece to this puzzle that's already causing chaos—I don't want to, but," I looked at Toushirou—his eyes cautious and glazed with silent worry. "I think that I need to do this—for everyone's sake."

I bit my lip, and took a deep breath. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking, but I made fists to solidify my resolve. If we found out what exactly I am, I could possibly utilize this to stop the organization, and save myself rather than relying on my fellow Shinigami to save me. I could take my pride back, and save  _myself_ and others by my own hand.

"For someone with questionable intellect, that's the most intelligent course of action you could have possibly taken." Kurotsuchi scoffed.

"Don't push it—Kurotsuchi-Taichou," I retorted with clearer than crystal warning.

He bypassed my retort and opened the container I was in. As the glass opened, he stepped out in front of me and turned to the crowd.

"There you have it—a  _willing_  subject. Now that she's consented, all of you need to leave. Not only is your presence of utmost annoyance, you're  _not_ needed here anymore. Leave now before I have to use force," he threatened.

"Since I'm  _willing_ to be your lab rat, I do have a request, Kurotsuchi-Taichou," I began with my forced bravado as always. "I'd like Hitsugaya-Taichou and Abarai-Taichou to stay—with this new information and past formalities, I think its only fair to have the two of them here at the very least."

Truth be told, I don't think I could do this without knowing Toushirou was here in case of anything. The thought of him leaving me here sent me down an anxious whirlpool that threatened my very sanity. Abarai-Taichou was in the same situation if not at least similar—I wanted her here to not only assist me, but to also show some of my gratitude by displaying my trust in her.

"We weren't planning on leaving anyway," Abarai-Taichou walked clear past Kurotsuchi-Taichou to put her hand on my shoulder and ease me with a small, determined smile.

I tried my best to crack a smile, but ended up having to suffice with a quick nod so as to not breakdown in front of everyone.

Before Kurotsuchi-Taichou's rebuttal, Shihouin stepped towards Soi Fon-Taichou as he spoke. "Soi Fon and I will be off—we have a few things to attend to. We'll be back to see the results," he looked up at me—I nodded as my only from of communication.

"Nemuri, prepare the examination room." Kurotsuchi-Taichou ordered the little girl—immediately she took off through the doorway at the other side of the room. "Akon," Kurotsuchi-Taichou spoke into a monster-like intercom device.

"Kiteyama, a word please," Toushirou stepped toward me.

"Don't take her out of the premises, Hitsugaya-Taichou," Kurotsuchi-Taichou threatened.

Toushirou didn't grace the bastard with a reply as he proceeded out of the room—myself following suit behind him. Once we were out of the room, I proceeded into his right flank as we walked down the hall silently to get out of earshot. He led me outside, to which I promptly started digging for my dried leaves and pipe—he knew I was putting on an act, and knew that internally I was dying from the amount of panic that developed in me.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" He asked me as I shakily tried to strike a match.

"Not one bit," I replied through the teeth clenching my kiseru. "But it looks like I don't have much choice if I want this shitty situation to be over with quickly—do I?"

At my sixth failed attempt due to shaky hands, he took the matches from me and lit one; lighting my kiseru for me as I leaned toward him.

"There's always a choice," he began as I exhaled the drag. "I'm here to make sure you know that—as your caretaker, and with my status, I can dispute the order with my judgement. The Soutaichou is intelligent, and takes everything into consideration before giving an order—which is why this whole ' _enemy'_  decree is more than likely Kurotsuchi overreacting."

"With my luck, I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't overreacting," I replied before another inhale.

"I assure you—that's more than likely not the case," he replied.

"I guess we'll find out soon enough,"

I crossed my arms, and leaned my head back; taking in the regular oxygen in a deep inhale to try to help soothe myself along with the tobacco—it was looking like to no avail though.

Without hesitance—and with no regard to whether or not there were cameras—he placed his hand on my shoulder and turned toward me; closer than a Taichou-subordinate relationship allowed. I looked up into those orbs I called home; threatening to break custom with the embrace I was in desperate need of.

"Whatever happens, I am on  _your_ side—I hope you've remembered my words," he told me.

I placed my hand atop of his, taking another deep inhale to stifle myself from succumbing to what I wanted most.

"I know you are—I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am to have you," I attempted a weak smile. "I trust you to make the right decision when it comes down to it—just promise me that,"

I could tell he wanted to lean in toward me, and I cursed internally at the unfortunate situation that halted his actions.

"I promise—I won't let anything bad happen," his eyes flickered between my eyes and lips. "We'll leave here together,"

I stepped out of his lingering comfort to take one last drag—readying myself for what was about to happen by my prior means .

"I'll hold you to it, Romeo," I smiled.


	28. Chapter 28

"You should have waited for me—now look what you've caused,"

I felt like I'd been hit by a train. Everywhere hurt—just shifting my body a small increment made me sharply inhale. I opened my eyes to a glowing chartreuse that illuminated the night sky from the corner of my eye; the familiar surreal feeling cementing where I was. Speaking of said cement—I felt something heavy holding me in place; as if someone put a blanket over me that weighed over a ton. I was barely able to move my head, but did so enough to get to the chartreuse source.

My zanpakutou sat next to me—her legs crossed and her back straight as a board; her eyes closed and brows furrowed in concentration.

"Y-You're back," I managed to smile.

"I never left;  _you_ just left me incapacitated—much as you are now."

"Why?" I exhaled the question since breathing itself was a struggle. "What's happening?"

"You made a bad decision  _again,"_  she took a breath. "Had you had just waited for my full recovery,"

"Don't make me," I breathed deeply to combat the light-headedness. "repeat myself," I finished.

"The experiment." She began. "You let them begin to uncover the truth about you, and now it's all gone awry. You've put everyone in danger—especially yourself."

My vacant mind finally remembered—the research experiment; Kurotsuchi-Taichou and that demonic-looking force that he used to—

Oh Kami—what was happening?

-x-x-

**Hitsugaya Toushirou**

I wasn't on board with this at all.

While I'd trusted Kurotsuchi with my life in the past, it by no means meant that I trusted him unconditionally. The man was gifted with his mind, yet was quick to jump to irrational conclusions. One would think that with his intellect, he'd take all the knowledge he obtains with a grain of salt until further convinced, but he wasn't that type—Urahara was, and everyone knew how Kurotsuchi abhorred any similarity between himself and the former Taichou of his division.

Kurotsuchi had a nasty habit of coming to a conclusion and pulling the plug if the results seemed treacherous; he already considered Akinoyo an enemy—I wasn't about to let him make such an irrational call.

She wasn't holding up underneath her bravado created façade—not at all. With the short time I've known her, I could already pinpoint what was happening with just one gaze into her lavender eyes—she was stifling herself with a stern, cold gaze and a hard line on her lips. With her past, her reaction was completely understandable—I could only imagine how terrifying that experience must have been. I didn't want her to be scared anymore, but—until this whole situation is over—remedying her fear was nearly impossible; all I could do was be there for her, and that's exactly what I planned on doing.

Abarai and I were in Kurotsuchi's main laboratory rather than in the hidden spare room of his office where he took Akinoyo's blood last time. The room was rather spacious; the seating area a good distance away from where a table stood in the center. There was an additional wheeled table that was near the main focal point of the room, and other preparation stations spaced apart.

He instructed Akon to prep the area with the help of his 8th version of Nemu, while Akinoyo was being thoroughly scanned in the next room by him along with some of his female subordinates I  _strongly urged_ to accompany him. While I knew it was for  _science_ and a part of his investigation; Akinoyo was already scared enough as it was—a man she wasn't fond of  _thoroughly_ inspecting her nude body  _alone_ was something that was not only improper, but a situation I'd be damned to let happen. I'd made sure that his female subordinates joined them before easing myself into taking a seat next to Abarai.

As we sat, the slight edge Abarai displayed seemed to legitimately express her concern for Akinoyo—which was to be expected, but still comforting for me to see. I want Akinoyo to have somewhat of a normal life when all of this is over, and regardless of Abarai's reasoning behind the concern, it seemed like she would help make that hope a reality in the future.

"How is she holding up with the Koizumi Fumiko event?" Abarai turned to ask me.

"She's doing her best—what happened is very scarring to those inexperienced in combat." I replied. I didn't want to make Akinoyo sound weak in any way by extensively going into it; I decided upon brevity for her sake.

"I see—it's good to hear that she's at the very least attempting to keep moving forward." She commented.

There was a silence that passed briefly between the two of us amidst the clanking of objects due to the preparation. I could tell that Abarai wanted to say something, and within seconds she proved the theory.

"I trust that you still remember my words, Hitsugaya-Taichou—I still mean them." She leaned back to cross her arms.

She'd told me during the first meeting with Akinoyo to call on her for anything and everything. She made it clear that  _she_  was her Taichou—I wasn't. Akinoyo was ultimately  _her_ responsibility whether or not I was supervising her; when and if she became a burden, I was to let Abarai know immediately. Granted, Akinoyo never was, but I think ultimately Abarai felt completely obligated to take over the investigation in my stead. The reasoning I gave them to leave me on the assignment was the fact that I was the first she met, and had trouble trusting others, but that clearly wasn't my only reasoning behind subtly fighting for her.

I had a feeling Abarai knew that—with her recent years as an  _Abarai,_ it was only natural for her to make those sorts of assumptions. Regardless of my thoughts about her; Abarai was smarter than she looked—even during her days as an unranked squad member, she continuously proved that intellect of hers again and again throughout the years.

"I remember—I'll let you know if that's the case." I replied.

"I appreciate it," she began, "above all else, I want her to feel at ease; you seem to be executing that effortlessly, but on the off chance—I'm here to help. I'd love to get to know her and see these abilities of hers; she already seems like a great fit, and I'm anxious to get to know her at her best. I guess you can say I'm a bit jealous you're having all the fun," Akon prepping the table by loudly whipping a clean sheet over it interrupted her temporarily. "She seems to have quite the personality." She smiled in conclusion.

She left the door wide open for me to  _accidently_ leave a blatant compliment about Akinoyo—I refused to give her the satisfaction. "She often tells me she's impressed by you; she's hesitant to get close due to your rank over hers, but ultimately she seems fond of you in particular over most. I'm sure once this is over she'll be quite the lively addition to your Squad." I studied her features for a moment; a faint trace of a blush on the former Kuchiki's cheeks.

"That's good to hear," she looked up at me—I looked at the performance in front of us.

Jealously, hm?

The sound of a door sliding open had both of our heads turned in the direction of the room Akinoyo was in. Kurotsuchi walked out first; his head down and focused on the paperwork in his hands as he strode into the room we were in. The two came out next, ushering Akinoyo out with light, calm facial expressions with hints of smiles to no doubt calm the panicked female I called my own. She emerged with a white gown no doubt tied together by lace on her backside—barefoot and looking extremely cold and uncomfortable. She had all her prior garments folded in her arms; gripping them to satisfy her nervous habit as her eyes searched for me—a miniscule ease washing over her when she finally saw me.

The subtle change in her when she saw me made me feel... _accomplished—_ for lack of a better word. Something about her from the very beginning perked my interest, and getting to know her and being there for her only amplified that interest into a necessity. As the days went by, I wanted her to feel safe with me—trust in the fact that I truly am here for her. Seeing her display subtle mannerisms like this made my icy demeanor begin to thaw after several years of self-isolation. Where we stood in our feelings for one another warmed me unlike anything had before—I wanted that more than ever, and I wanted it done by her. Above that self-gratification, I wanted  _her_ to partake in her own gratification—I wanted to give the ebony-haired female the same relief and satisfaction she gave me.

Seeing her express any negative emotions like fear or sadness hurt me—I didn't want to see her like that. I wanted to see the smirking version of herself displayed only when she was at ease; that shy, almost sheepish smile that raised her tinted cheeks when I held her—that's the Akinoyo I wanted more of. Not this scared, panicked, scarred wreck she consistently convinced herself she was. It was almost childish, but I knew that I wouldn't be satisfied until I was able to chase her troubles away—I was  _going_  to do it no matter what it took.

I stood up as she approached; her steps cautious and as if she were walking on pins rather than just the cold floor. Her lips formed that hard line they always did when she needed to display bravado, and her eyes focused on the path she took to me in a blank stare; that miniscule warmth from just a few seconds ago dissipating instantly.

Damn that Kurotsuchi. What was taking Matsumoto so long? Perhaps if Akinoyo got the news she wasn't truly a captive—

"Hitsugaya-Taichou," she broke my train of thought. She shakily extended her garments toward me as she cleared her throat. "Can you hold these for me please?"

I took them from her with a small nod, and once her hands were free, she took out the last item of her own—her hairpiece. "If you could—"

"Kiteyama Akinoyo, on the table—now." Kurotsuchi commanded with zero regard for basic courtesy.

She took a deep breath with her eyes closed, and stared into my chest with focus. "Just, please don't lose the hairpiece," she held it out to me.

I held my palm out to receive it; sneaking in a brief touch to her skin to hopefully provide just a small gesture of ease—clearly to no avail.

"I won't," I replied as she withdrew her hand.

"Table—now." Kurotsuchi ordered again.

Before any other words could be exchanged, she side-stepped past me, and toward the small stool to help her onto the table. I put her hairpiece in my inner pocket as she faced Abarai and I, and Kurotsuchi strode toward her; Akon on the other side of the table with Nemuri.

"Lay down."

As soon as she did, Akon murmured under his breath, and she instantly panicked when she realized he used kido to restrain her.

"W-Wha—"

"It's only for your protection, Kiteyama-san—it isn't mal-intended," he told her—she sucked in the panic and dealt internally instead.

"Oi, Kuro—"

"Are you aware of the scars from prior incisions along her abdomen?" Kurotsuchi shot at Abarai and I.

"I wasn't aware—were you?" Abarai quickly stood.

"I am aware," I put her clothes down on the chair, "and because I am aware, what you're doing right now to her is  _horrific_ ," I replied; the anger surfacing in my words hard to stifle.

"And you find the story full-proof?" he questioned.

I remembered just how I felt when she told me the story—how the pain that laced her words was an intensity even I had trouble keeping a straight face with. Now the fact that she was strapped down to a table  _again_ must have forced her to embark to the mental void I wanted her  _never_ to go to again.

"How could I  _not_ believe her? How could I  _not_ believe her story when she—"

"It's okay!" Akinoyo cut in loudly.

I turned to look at her; a small, forced smile on her lips.

"I-I'm okay, Hitsugaya-Taichou…h-honest…"

She tried to grin, but her quivering lips only let her get half-way—this was unacceptable on all accounts. This wasn't the time for her bravado—regardless of how long ago the event was, she clearly wasn't mentally ready for it, or past it where it became merely a vague event. This was too much for her and she knew it. I looked into her eyes—slight determination underneath glazed layers of mental void.

Her pride was at stake—the bottom line behind her expression. To Hell with pride—it wasn't worth subjecting herself to this. The waters were dangerous however; the line between caring for her, and trampling her self-esteem were almost perfectly condensed—utter bullshit. There was only one option I could take without making it worse.

I walked to her, put my hand on her shoulder, and stared into her in hopes that she understood that if she gave the word, I'd end this immediately. "Are you sure?" I asked firmly.

She gave me a single nod as she spoke quickly due to her nervous habit. "Lets just get this over with, please,"

"Hitsugaya-Taichou, the restraints are merely a precautionary measure in case of convulsions, or any other effect that could cause harm to Kiteyama-san. If the restraint becomes too much, I will not hesitate in releasing the kido," Akon explained—at least someone here in this damn division of insanity was courteous.

"Hold your tongue, Akon," Kurtosuchi warned with thick irritation. "While she is in  _my_ custody, everyone in the room will obey  _my_ command—including you,"

"Kurotsuchi-Taichou," his name sounded on the loud speaker.

"What is it?" he growled.

"Ise-Fukutaichou and Matsumoto-Fukutaichou request your presence."

Thank Kami—it was about time for some of this madness to get straightened.

He scoffed before answering. "Bring them." He ordered.

The room grew silent, and within seconds the two women entered the room accompanied by Kurotsuchi's squad member that promptly left after showing them the way.

"Kurotsuchi-Taichou," Ise began, "from what has been brought to my attention, it seems you've misinterpreted the orders given to you by the Soutaichou." She paused to see Akinoyo on the table—a stern look on her face as she redirected her vision back to Kurotsuchi.

"I have not, Ise-Fukutaichou; the orders given to me were to evaluate the situation at hand in regard to the possible Hougyoku by investigating Kiteyama Akinoyo thoroughly, and to detain her in the event that she is a threat— _which she is_ ," he explained.

"Wrong, Kurotsuchi-Taichou; her detainment would only be in the event of treachery—tell me, has she done something treacherous?" Ise combatted.

"Absolutely not," I answered before he could. "She's been recuperating from yesterday's bout  _in my presence_  this entire time."

"Kurotsuchi-Taichou?" Ise initiated a rebuttal.

"Her very  _existence_ is treacherous, Ise—letting her wander about without handling the situation is absolu—"

"That's where  _you_ come in, Taichou; you are to figure out the exact situation  _before_ anything surfaces. She isn't in your custody as a prisoner or a traitor, she merely is in your custody  _as a patient_  rather than anything else. As it stands, Hitsugaya-Taichou and Abarai-Taichou are still in command as far as her Guardian and Taichou—you are merely to inspect her and get to the bottom of this Hougyoku plight. Am I clear?"

It took everything in my power not to smirk at the result—Kurotsuchi's bewilderment was hysterical. Akinoyo's subtle long exhale brought me out of the smug behavior the results brought.

"Crystal," he stifled the bark he desperately wanted to give—turning around to do something at one of his preparation tables.

"My apologies, Kiteyama-san," Ise approached. "While the arrest is something you no longer have to worry about, the research about you must be continued—please understand that this is not only for your benefit, but the benefit of others,"

Akinoyo's nodding halted Ise's words. "I understand—thank you for coming all this way to clarify." Akinoyo thanked.

"Of course—thank  _you_ for your patience and understanding." Ise graced her with a smile.

"Did I miss anything other than the Hougyoku news?" Matsumoto came to my side as Ise spoke to Akinoyo.

I shook my head. "Thank you for bringing Ise,"

"Of course," she replied as she took a seat where I sat prior. "Anything for our Akinoyo-chan," she winked.

She wasn't showing it, but I'd known my Fukutaichou for so long that I knew she was relieved not only at the news, but at the fact that  _I_ was partially relieved. Although it was quite annoying at times, her care for me not only as her Taichou, but as a companion—although her motherly tendencies came into play from time to time—was something I was grateful for ultimately. Not that I could show that with out it going to her head.

"If you're done here, Ise-Fukutaichou, I have  _research_ to begin." Kurotsuchi cut off her conversation with Akinoyo.

Ise knew she pissed him off, but even so she held herself to her standards and remained professional. "Thank you, Kurotsuchi-Taichou—please report your findings as soon as possible." She quickly bowed at him, then turned to the other three of us to do the same before leaving.

Once the door shut, Kurotsuchi cleared his throat. "To get back on topic—the prior incisions. According to her  _story_ , she doesn't remember how the event ended; she  _miraculously_  escaped the man's clutches to live another day. Looking at it rationally; he was already at the point where he could have just taken her life. I find it hard to believe that he stopped on his own accord—with what she described happened on the day of the infiltration, he was  _forced_ to stop; she hadn't seen him again until the day she took his life. Why the separation until then?"

He approached Akinoyo from the other side of the table; leaning down to inspect her. "If she was able to kill him with just a knife, he was an ordinary human—implying he was one of the many that were clueless of the true situation at hand. My guess is that they  _feared_ him either killing her, or getting to the Hougyoku hidden inside her. Which then implies that they didn't  _want_ to remove it if that was the case." He turned around to the table behind him; picking up an object before turning back around.

"Perhaps it's still developing inside her—perhaps it  _is_ her. Regardless, I have no other alternative but this," he held up a small, cylindrical object no bigger than small glass vile.

"No!" Abarai took a step forward. "Don't you—"

"I realize what the consequences  _were,_ Abarai-Taichou. For you to think all these years have past without any improvement to the original schematics of this device is insulting."

I wasn't there the day Aizen extracted the Hougyoku from Abarai, but it was clear that this was the same mechanism.

"It will not render her any harm, or any side-effects as it did with you—Abarai-Taichou. This will merely extract the object without damage to her aside from the initial recuperation time from the extraction. All of you stand back." He instructed.

Abarai scoffed in her angered discontent, and followed his order reluctantly. I looked at Akinoyo—her face paled with fear, but her eyes looking into mine with acceptance. She nodded at me, and as much as I didn't want to, I adhered to to the request.

Matsumoto stood as I approached—the worry on her face apparent, but masked with a serious gaze toward the focal point. I stood between the two women, Akon and young Nemuri joining us by the seating area we loomed over.

With a quick flick of Kurotsuchi's fingers, the device activated. Almost instantly, six curved green spears rose from the ground around them in a circle—the two of them in the center and the rest of us on the outskirt. Abarai noticeably cringed from the activation—bad memories of the day of Aizen's betrayal no doubt surfacing to torment her. Her fists clenched as she focused on the scene before us.

Akinoyo's fear painted her face publically now; her chest noticeably dropping and rising in her panic as she stared at Kurotsuchi's now matching green-encased hand. I clenched my hands into fists—seeing her like this…

With a swift movement, Kurotsuchi's pointed-fingered hand pierced into the center of her chest. Akinoyo's breathing halted with a choked exhale; her eyes wider than I'd ever seen them before—the fact that I couldn't do anything amplifying the anger already building within me.

As he reached further into her, the area of her chest separated to form a wider opening around his hand; a reaction from the reiatsu-driven device no doubt. Kurotsuchi didn't have to say anything—his face gave him away. As soon as he'd touched something, his eyes lit up with a smug display—the  _'I told you so'_ mere seconds away from vocalization. However, once his hand retracted, confusion washed over all of us.

Floating in his opened palm was a flower—a closed, white-petal flower with a healthy green stem still connected to its roots that was encased by a clear as glass, icosahedron shaped substance.

As Kurotsuchi opened his mouth to ask the question on the tips of all of our tongues, the closed petals slowly began to open; the entire encased flower circulating subtly as it did. All of us watched in awe as it fully opened; the pale yellow center seemed to pulsate as the roots at the bottom began stretching out in all directions within the casing. A golden glow emitted from it as soon as the petals fully stretched—a choked gasp from Akinoyo as soon as it happened.

In just one second, everything changed.

A high-pitched frequency sounded from the flower, and instantly all the glass in the room shattered at once as an intimidating pulsation of reiatsu pumped out from the flower. Following the end of the pulsation, one of the heaviest reiatsu's I'd felt in my life suffocated the room; Nemuri falling to her knees and even Matsumoto noticeably struggling to catch her breath.

As I looked to Matsumoto, Kurotsuchi's short breath of surprise had me snap back to the scene. He leaned back from the flower hovering over his palm; the quick change of its appearance striking to us all. The once white petals were now a deep wine shade with black pulsating veins coursing through the petals. The stem was now a withered brown with sharp, curved thorns that left little of the stem bare; the roots squirming around and piercing through the clear casing.

Akinoyo began convulsing on the table—the kido restraint on her wrists and ankles keeping her in place, but the seizure causing her body to shift abnormally and painfully as a result.

"Kiteyama!" I shouted, shifting forward to make my way.

"Akon, the—"

Kurotsuchi's words halted along with my movement.

I couldn't move, and I couldn't breathe.

My eyes already set on Akinoyo couldn't shift to look around the room to check the others—my mind seemingly the only thing left within my control. While I had so many questions, I had one to two minutes max to think of a way out of this situation—it was one thing to be paralyzed, but another to not be able to breathe; Nemuri wouldn't be able to last.

" _Hyourinmaru!"_ I called. If I could at the very least get a connection to him—

" _Master,"_ he replied—thank Kami.  _"Your orders."_

The first thought I had was to focus my reiatsu combined with Hyourinmaru's to freeze the malevolent lifeform, but before I was able to do anything, Akinoyo's seizuring body stopped; settling against the table momentarily.

The kido that held her back broke immediately with her—now fluctuating—reiatsu. She rose almost as if she were gravitating toward the flower—her eyes void of any emotion in a blank gaze in front of her. From the hole in her chest emerged black filaments similar to the veins of the flower that spread over the rest of her. They leapt at the flower in Kurotsuchi's hand, and once they took hold of it, began multiplying rapidly and weaving around it for a firm hold. Once they completely covered the icosahedron-cased flower, they began pulling it back toward her, and shortly it was inside her once again; the filaments continuing to spread outside of her body and up her neck to her face. Her entire body elevated, and her legs crossed in a meditative position with her opened palms down at her sides.

As she lifted one of her hands, several objects scattered about the room elevated with it; their very shapes morphing in an abrupt motion all sorts of peculiar forms. Whatever it was that was happening wasn't good; it wasn't Akinoyo behind this—it was that  _thing_ doing this, and it—

Out of my periphery, Nemuri's frozen body rose beside Abarai—Akinoyo's other hand rising as a fist, and spreading her fingers in a quick burst movement. The objects floating about the room changed to sharp, piercing elements—all pointed at Nemuri.

" _Hyourinmaru,"_ I began.

" _Understood."_

As we began to raise our reiatsu, Akinoyo's head began moving sporadically—almost as if she were having another seizure.

Nemuri gravitated toward her—her small body spreading out forcibly by the whim of the flower; all floating objects backing up for a momentum-based pierce. I was running out of time. I exuded my reiatsu so fiercely that the room glazed with frost; the temperature dropping significantly as I rapidly increased the output. By the look of it—I wasn't going to get to Nemuri into time.

In an instant, Nemuri's arms and legs snapped and broke—her scream stifled by her lack of ability to breathe. All the speared objects launched instantly—all hope for Nemuri lost in my mind.

A scream from Akinoyo halted Nemuri's imminent death—Akinoyo's eyes now a vibrant glowing chartreuse; her gaze piercing with ferocious determination into Nemuri. The black filaments had pierced into her tear-ducts and parts of her face; her overall expression not one she would normally make.

Suddenly, Nemuri along with all the floating objects dropped to the floor in an uncoordinated thump and shatter; my lungs regaining the ability to circulate oxygen in that same moment. All of us gasped—Kurotsuchi quickly seizing Akinoyo by her neck and slamming her down to the table.

"What do you think you're—"

"Hitsugaya!" Akinoyo called to me—her glowing eyes affixed on me in a gaze I knew better than to assume was her.

Not even 3 milliseconds passed and I already plucked Kurotsuchi off her. "Zanpakutou," I replied to her.

She turned her head to look at me—her teeth grinding with struggle, and her breaths choked from how hard she focused.

"What's happening?" I urged as Kurotsuchi pushed himself away from me.

"I'm," she began, pausing to close her eyes for better concentration. "I'm holding it back the best I can, but it's been so long that I—"

Her head shook violently as she death-gripped the sheet beneath her; the implication of the flower attempting to completely possess her again was more than clear—this zanpakutou was so stubborn and fierce, that I knew when she actually displayed struggle, the threat was a powerful one.

"Listen," she managed through her grit teeth. "Time is limited and I have no other alternative," her head turned to me, and eyes shot open to look directly into me. "Either I feed this thing a blood offering  _now,_ or everyone within a 10 kilometer radius will die."

Wait. She—

"And here I was  _correct as always!_ The fact that none of you—"

"Now isn't the time!" Abarai spat at Kurotsuchi from her new position on the opposite side of the table—Matsumoto with her as Akon tended to the injured Nemuri.

"There's no alternative?" I reaffirmed.

She shook her head—damn.

"Are there any animals you keep here as test subjects, Kurotsuchi?" I quickly asked the infuriated man.

"None that I am willing to  _bestow_ to the likes of—"

I took him by his shihakushou, and pulled him toward me with an intensity that made it clear I wasn't having it.

"Either you give them up, or everyone within a 10 kilometer radius— _including_   _you—_ dies. If it takes me making  _you_  the sacrifice for the greater good—trust in my lack of hesitation." I threatened.

"H-Hitsugaya!" she urged me.

"Decide." I tightened my grip.

With a pump of his reiatsu, he pushed me off him with an audible grunt; his gaze into me with a strong intent to kill.

"Akon!" He yelled.

"H-Hai!" he replied; flash-stepping out of the room.

"I'll let this slide this time, Hitsugaya-Taichou," Kurotsuchi began, "but if you ever do that again— _nothing_  will be left of you." He threatened to my deaf ears.

I could care less about him; the fact that he chose to ignore the situation to stroke himself in that pompous fashion destroyed the very last bit of acceptance I had for him. While he was necessary to this ordeal—he was dead to me on a personal note.

I leaned down to place my hand on Akinoyo's shoulder; an attempt at miniscule comfort to the struggling zanpakutou in control of her.

"As fast as we can," I told her.

This whole situation was hair-raising—just what  _was_  this foreign inhabitant? Why did it need a sacrifice, and how has it sustained itself for five years if that is the case?

She looked away from me—her head facing the ceiling and her eyes closing with her brows furrowed in deep concentration. While I had so many questions to ask, I knew that an investigation was completely out of the question until the situation was under control.

"Move," Kurotsuchi pushed me to the side; a syringe in his hand.

"What do—"

"Now is our only chance," he urged.

He inserted the syringe into the hole in Akinoyo's chest quicker than I could stop; extracting clear fluids from the flower I assumed he stuck. "For the time being, I need something to work with to further the investigation; once she regains control of it, my chances of a clean sample are slim—there isn't another alternative!" he urged—I didn't like it, but he was more than likely right. He retracted his hand with the now full syringe, and cut some of the black roots over her shoulder next.

As soon as he'd finished, the main doors of the room burst open with three medium-sized contained specimens atop rolling tables; Akon behind them all and directing the other subordinates forward.

"Leave them and stand back!" The zanpakutou urged.

The subordinates pushed the tables forward as all of us flashed away from the immediate vicinity. The glass containing the alien-like lifeforms shattered instantly; the three beings gravitating toward her.

Without the use of her arms and legs, she elevated again without difficulty; maneuvering herself off the table to stand on her feet in front of the floating life-forms. She held her hand out—fingers spread and rigid in their firm restriction. With an inhale, she squeezed them closed into a fist—the lifeforms screeching in pain as their bones audibly snapped, and their skin rippled and ruptured. In one last squeal, their reiatsu disappeared with their lives; blood spraying out of them as if a balloon just popped.

All of the blood froze mid-air around the creatures; not a single drop seized by gravity. A twist of Akinoyo's wrist, along with the extension and calling of her two forefingers had the liquid scarlet swirling and gathering into one pool. Once gathered, it formed a path toward Akinoyo; diving into the hole in her chest. As this happened, the reiatsu from the flower's first pulsation erupted again—the intensity enough to extract the air from our lungs as if the wind were knocked out of us. Once all of it entered her, the black roots that penetrated through her skin as well as over her upper torso squirmed with a high-pitched shriek—Akinoyo's face of determination relaxing and her eyes closing as she plummeted face-first to the floor.

I caught hold of her passed-out form before she hit the floor; those predatory roots on her taking hold of my skin and gripping on fiercely. While the feeling of them sent plagued shivers to course through me, if it was a for her—I'd deal.

The malevolent reiatsu dissipated quickly, and the roots began receding just as quickly back into her. I picked her up completely—her limp, unconscious body in my arms—and within seconds, all of them retreated back inside of her, and the hole in her chest closed abruptly. I set her back onto the table—the air in the room eerily quiet and all eyes focused on her as the same question no doubt lingered on all of our lips.


	29. Chapter 29

**Kiteyama Akinoyo**

"Tell me," I took a deep breath against the invisible weighted blanket covering every single part of me. "What was that thing?"

She didn't answer me—that strained concentration still painting her face, and causing guilt to surface on my own. When I first told her I lost my memories and she began to remotely accept me, she told me to fully heal and then to call upon her. I hadn't followed her orders at all—with Koizumi yesterday I didn't have that choice. While she was completely pissed about the entire situation I'd put her in yesterday, I knew that deep down she was truly furious at the fact that I didn't listen to her. I  _forced_ her to take action—Toushirou urged me not to, but in that moment I didn't see any other alternative. I'm sure she wanted to reprimand me for not listening to the veteran  _already,_ but now with what was happening, I'm sure she'd kicked me back to square one.

I didn't want the two of us to have a relationship like this; I wanted us to get along  _since we shared the same soul_ —not have this one-sided fondness. But you know what? It was my luck—it was  _always_ my fucking luck to have shit like this happen. Maybe I was being a little too much, but I honestly felt so terrible about the whole situation. Just looking at her I already knew she was giving her all to take care of what was happening outside. She said that with what happened with Koizumi she was left incapacitated, yet here she was— _defending me again_  rather than recuperating.

I looked away from her and to the view behind her to get my mind slightly off my pessimism before I just let this weight on top of me halt my breathing altogether. Behind her were what looked like leaves; floating foliage on the surface of the water that didn't seem to drift anywhere else. There was something sticking up directly behind her that I couldn't see; her body blocking the main view, but the object and/or entity slightly in view on each side. I couldn't see anything here before other than the floating branches, and what looked like pointed boulders—did that mean that the water level was dropping?

Her deep intake of oxygen broke me from my quick thoughts. She exhaled with the same amount of effort, and when she did, that chartreuse glow began to fade. Her shoulders loosened, and she hunched forward to put her hands on each knee to take her weight—the fact that she looked drained an understatement. Her eyes remained closed, and she just breathed in silence for a few moments as that chartreuse glow faded out completely. When it did, her umber eyes opened already affixed on me. I didn't have the energy to gulp like I wanted to, but my heartbeat did manage to escalate at the intensity of her gaze.

"I ought to leave you like that to keep you from causing anymore casualties," she didn't even blink—she seriously  _was_  mad at me.

I broke eye contact and looked at the dark water my face rested in—I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't be mad at her if she did.

A quick hand movement from her broke my lost gaze into the water and diverted it back to her. She snapped her fingers, and instantly the weight was gone, and I gasped harshly.

"You're in luck however—I am not like  _you._ I don't imprison people against their will,"

I coughed from the rush of oxygen into me, and the light-headedness that followed with the blood rush. I couldn't say her comment didn't sting, but if I let it get to me and showed cowardice toward her, it would only make her hate me that much more. I decided to evade the topic rather than stringing together a weak apology.

"Are you okay?" I asked as soon as I caught my breath. I sat up and began edging toward her—to which she glared at me in return. Needless to say I stayed put.

"Fine—just exhausted." She replied; cracking her neck before retreating to her former position.

"What…what happened out there?" I asked cautiously.

"What I told you earlier—you lacking patience."

"Humor me."

I could feel the strong refrain from an eye-roll; she gazed forward into the moonlit lake—seriousness on her face.

"There is a part of your life I wasn't a part of. During this time, your entire existence changed— _you_  changed. Because of your actions, you now carry a permanent plague—a plague that could lead to the death of every soul in existence. Today by letting the Shinigami dabble within you, our time has now shortened. You really shouldn't have proceeded without me," she explained.

"I don't understand." I began. "A  _'permanent plague?'_ You mean the flower-looking thing that Kurotsuchi-Taichou extracted?"

"Yes." She answered.

I lost consciousness when he first looked at the flower in his hand. I passed out with the thought that id seen it somewhere before, but the next thing I knew I was here with her and didn't have tine to think it through—how could a flower like that possibly be malevolent? However, judging a book by its cover is never a good thing.

"What happened after they extracted it?"

"It began the cycle again."

"Cycle?"

"Yes— _the cycle._ For several years you had to adhere to its desires; whatever it wanted is what it got. For 57 years, you had to provide for it—you had to sacrifice the weak. It was only three years before your memory loss and abduction that you managed to seal it away—now all for not after today's events."

"Wait a minute—I had to ' _sacrifice the weak'_ to it? Don't tell me..." I trailed.

"Would you like me to explain at a child's pace, or are you intelligent enough to assume your assumption is correct?"

I held my face in my palm—overwhelming guilt halting my breaths, and making my eyes water. I wished I could just exhale the guilt and look the other way, but my conscious…

"How many?" I asked.

"Almost every day for 57 years; several on some days—you do the math."

The urge to vomit was unreal. I slapped my palm over my mouth as my widened eyes focused on a spec in the water. My breaths began to race; hyperventilation surely on the way. I couldn't believe it…I couldn't—

"Fret not," my zanpakutou drew my attention.

"Once you learned how to properly handle it, you switched to smaller souls—from humans to animals for a more simplistic way of putting it. You scoured for Hollows primarily, but whenever the option wasn't available, you settled for small souls to suffice." She explained. While she said it to provide a little ease, it lead me to think of only one thing.

"You don't mean… _children_ —do you?" I braced myself for the answered I needed, but didn't want to know.

"No, not children," she answered quickly; an unrecognizable expression on her face—I exhaled the most relief I could get from this horrible news. "Small animal souls primarily, although sometimes you settled for mid-sized animals."

Although with this news I was now the new poster-woman for Hell— _thank you, Kami._

It felt like I had millions of questions to ask her, but I had to start with this one before I could delve into the others. "While I have so much to ask you; I need to know—what in precise detail happened today?"

"When Kurotsuchi extracted The Shinwa, its defense—"

"The what?" I interrupted—she glared at me.

" _The_ Shinwa—that is the name of the flower." She paused to make sure I understood and wasn't going to interrupt before continuing.

"Its defense mechanism came into play. It activated, and returned to its host—you. Once that happened, it utilized you to begin the cycle once again. I woke up as it was about to execute one of your trusted comrades—I stopped it before it took the young Shinigami's life,"

Oh no. L-Little N-Nemuri…

The rush of guilt was back again; fiercer than before due to the fact that I knew her. Thank Kami that my zanpakutou…

"I had to make the sacrifice even so, however—luckily your white-haired guardian delivered before I lost control of it. I took the lives of three undesirable test subjects rather than the young Shinigami. Once it was satisfied and began receding, I let my exhaustion wash over me  _and_ your body. You are currently unconscious on the outside and will more than likely remain that way for at least a few hours." She explained.

Well, I suppose it was good news.

"I don't know how you did it, but I owe you so much for this—for saving Nemuri... _thank you._ " I looked up at her with teary eyes.

She looked at me briefly before readjusting herself to a more proper position rather than her necessary comfort one. "I defend the prey—nothing more, nothing less."

I nodded and took deep breaths to pull myself together. She said it sternly, but I knew that there was a sliver of something else under that tough skin of hers—it made me smile albeit it being just a ghost of one. I straightened myself up as well—taking a more formal position rather than the sprawled form I was in like the unclassy female I was. She studied me as I repositioned myself—more than likely thinking the exact same thing and debating on chiding commentary.

"So then, this flower—The Shinwa—requires sacrifices. Why?" I asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine." She replied.

"Implying?"

" _Implying_  that I have limited information of it. I know only what you allowed me to know—the rest you kept hidden from even me."

Well. I didn't see that one coming.

"I…I see," I replied with a slight loss of words. Just what was my past self thinking? This is such shit. "What do you know then?"

"About it specifically; the same as you—its malevolent, requires a blood sacrifice to survive, and is permanently rooted within you. It was removed today, but even so immediately retreated back into you with ease." She reiterated.

"Why?" I half-assed.

"Why  _what?_ " she prompted me to complete my question.

"Why is it in me in the first place? Why weren't you a part of the time period that it was placed within me? Why wasn't it—"

"Okay, enough rambling," she cut me off. "Must I constantly remind you how your lack of tact infuriates me?"

"Must  _I_ remind  _you_ how much of a fucked up situation this is, and how pertinent the information you're taking your sweet-ass time to tell me is?  _There is a blood sucking monstrosity inside me_ and you're over here evading answering me directly!" I shot back.

She shook her head with an annoyed line on her lips. "What a character,"

"Can you just tell me everything  _in detail?"_ I spat in frustration.

"Everything? That's a broad request,"

"What happened to that wit your hold so highly? Yes I want to know everything about everything, but now isn't the time—I want to know all pertaining to this plague I'm carrying around. Why do I have it? Why weren't you there? How did you come back? How were you able to suppress it? And lastly—and most importantly—how can I seal it again?"

She looked into my determined eyes, shaking her head lightly as she looked away. "Come," she ordered as she began to rise.

I immediately followed suit, and rose as quickly as possible. She proceeded opposite from the—what I now could see—treetop behind her, and began crossing over the vast lake toward the direction of the moon. Now that I was up and actually looking around, the water level had dropped significantly since I was last here—in front of us were the tops of the mountains she described before. The moon behind them highlighted the tips of the granite; illuminating in a fine white line the tops of them as they stretched out toward our right—their height enough even from this distance to make me wonder just how insanely deep this water really was. There were a few trees sticking up out of the water along the granite; looking not more than my own height in size, but thick enough for me to tell that these trees were massive. I realized as I was looking at the surroundings, I began to fall behind.

I tried to not scurry, but I did manage to catch up and keep up with her lengthy stride and the rhythmic taps of her light-heeled boots on the water. I had to say that seeing her from behind only added more majesty to her—she looked so fierce with her deep green cloak lightly flowing behind her confident movement. I couldn't say I wasn't the least bit envious. She was what I strived to be—confident, self-sustaining, fierce, beautiful, elegant as well as eloquent, captivating, intelligent; I was fierce when it came to attitude and decently intellectual at most while she was just all of those on steroids at once. Although I definitely could go without any of her damn arrogant, pretentious, and endowed mannerisms that accompanied all that—it was that stupid privileged personality that I hated the most. It could just be a façade because of her bubbling hate for me though—who knows.

We arrived at the granite mountain face after a few minutes of silence, and from where we stood in the shadow of the mountain, the moon barely peeked over the top of it. She stood facing the mountain; stretching her arms out in front of her before she turned to look at me.

"The only upside of you being the host is that whenever there is harm dealt to you—externally or internally—The Shinwa immediately heals your wounds upon activation. I can phase through attacks, but I can't heal them," she took a quick breath before bringing her hands together to touch her palms.

"Without its recent activation, I could have only gotten so far with this,"

In as quick motion, she twirled her wrists so that now the backs of her hands were touching rather than her palms. Her fingers curved inward as if she took a grip on an invisible object, and with a pump of her power, she began separating her hands—as if pulling apart two objects. At first I was confused by her action, but with a loud crack, my head shot in the direction of the mountain.

The water rippled furiously, and immediately chunks of broken granite came tumbling down the mountain to plummet into the water and cause huge waves to come rolling toward us. From where we stood, the waves scaled as high as my upper thigh, and although I should have been worried about the waves taking us out—I was too in awe of the scene before me.  _The very mountain was separating._ I knew that this was her world, but regardless this was too impressive for me to ignore—my zanpakutou was powerful, and the fact that she was a part of me made me feel a step above honored.

After seconds of struggle, her tense shoulders began to settle; the hardly shaky movement now controlled after her exhale as her hands quickly separated and relaxed for a moment on her sides. With a light, almost sway, both hands gracefully met outstretched in front of her—the tips of her thumbs and forefingers meeting to form a soft diamond with the open space she'd created by the placement, and as I watched her, the mountain sounded again—not as loud a cracking as before, but a low rumble seemingly in accordance with her will. I looked back to the mountain to see the crack she made at top begin to close—a hole in the shape of that soft diamond her hands formed as a result of her work; the moonlight beaming through and lighting up her face. She remedied the crack to the point that I could hardly tell she did anything in the first place, the amount of power it must've taken for her to accomplish this still freshly smacking me in the face with dumbfounded awe.

Her arms dropped, and she took a quick breath before turning to me. The look of shock was still dominant on my face—causing a ghost of a smile on hers.

"Come." She ordered; turning around so her back faced the mountain, and pointing her finger down in front of her.

I shook myself mentally out of my trance, and quickly did as instructed. I faced her directly—the beam of moonlight blocked by her in front of me—and looked up into her eyes with as much determination and bravado I could muster.

"Don't move."

In an instant, she disappeared—the moonlight through the crevice blinding me; all senses failing immediately as my pupils shrank.

-x-x-

" _Aki…chan…"_

_My hands came into view._

_A windowsill caught my periphery, but my head wouldn't turn to look—my eyes focused on my hands that busily stitched the torso of a small stuffed, cloth poppet._

" _Give me a moment," my voice replied against my own accord—what the fuck was going on here?_

_A small cough sounded from behind me, and I tried again to turn my head to look but to no avail. I tried speaking next, but my mouth didn't move, and my vocal chords didn't react—it didn't make sense to me. The reply was definitely my voice, and the hands stitching the doll back together were mine, and yet I couldn't—_

_Ah._

_The moonlight—my zanpakutou…_

_I was reliving my own memories._

" _Aki…chan…" the voice of the young girl called again. She sounded so weak; something was wrong, and as much as I wanted to know—I didn't at the same time._

_I didn't reply, but finished sewing the doll together with intense focus—completing the quick patch-work with a small knot on the thread. I rose the doll to my lips, and bit the excess string off; pulling the doll back to inspect if I'd taken off enough. I felt a small smile of accomplishment tug the corner of my lips at my work, and I shifted my legs to help me stand._

_With a quick turn and a brief gaze; I was in some sort of shack—literally a large room with poorly-sewn together fabrics that covered the window previously on my right, and the threshold of what I assumed was the front entrance now currently to my left and behind me. The room was bare; a small basket in the corner next to a small patch of dirt that looked like it was meant for building a fire—the roof above it with an improvised hole for ventilation._

_Next to the plot of dirt, a small head of black head stuck out from under the blanket of a futon on the floor—I approached the tiny person as I stuck the needle and thread securely in my poorly constructed pocket of what I assumed as a winter yukata. I took to my knees beside her—her face covered by the thick blanket and all her limbs tucked in and leaving an outline over the sheet of a fetal position. I reached and took the edge of the blanket—my face still formed in a light-hearted smile, but my eyes straining and threatening to flood, and my throat hollow from the visual._

_Two earth-brown eyes looked up at me through a mess of black hair covering her entire face as I pulled the blanket down below her chin. The young girl had_ very  _pale skin, and very petite features—her cheeks lightly sunken in, and eyes with dark circles underneath them. Just by looking at her; she was just a little older than Kazui—she reminded me a lot of Nemuri albeit not possessing a full, healthy face. Her lips formed almost a straight line; without a doubt she was stricken with some sort of ailment, and was in pain. The context clues told me leaving this futon wasn't an option for her—playing, and acting her age was out of the question._

_I gasped audibly—I assumed as some sort of act—and dropped the blanket._

" _Where has she gone?" my hand went to cover my mouth in shock. I looked back and forth around the room in false urgency before looking at the doll in my other hand._

" _She called me a few moments ago, but now I can't find her!" I exclaimed to the doll. "Did you see where Mai has gone?"_

_The girl—Mai—sneezed, and I dramatically froze. I pulled the doll closer to me; eyes shifting back and forth with falsified caution. "Did you hear that, Hikari?" I asked the doll._

_A small, barely audible giggle came from the girl at my reaction, and at the giggle my eyes zeroed in on the location._

" _That sounds like Mai's laughter…but I don't see her—do you?" I asked the doll—moving its head with my thumb for its answer._

" _I-I'm right…here," Mai tried to exclaim loud enough for me to hear._

_I gasped again. "Mai? Is that you?"_

_I could hear the giggle coming from her, and it was then I decided to smile mischievously and lean down to her face level. "Wait a minute, Hikari—there's something under the blanket after all!"_

_I placed my fingers on Mai's forehead, and moved some of the hair out of here face; gasping excitedly as I did. "Mai! You were here all along!" I smiled at her—receiving a weak, but bright smile from her in return._

_Just watching this scene was making me want to cry. I had no idea just what the exact problem here was, but Kami—what kind of horrendous fortune was this?_

" _Look at my little Mai—hidden underneath the bird's nest of a hair style…I couldn't see her beautiful face! What a clever cloak—wasn't it, Hikari?" I asked the doll as I made it nod._

_I smiled at her, and continued tucking away her hair so it wouldn't fall back over her face. "Would you like to sit in the sun while I comb your hair?" I asked—she nodded._

_I caressed her cheek briefly, and leaned over by the fire-less dirt patch to reach for a small comb that was amongst other artifacts. I put it into my pocket, and took the blanket off of Mai—a full visual of her frail arms legs, and body drowning in a loose yukata making my heart sink. I picked her little body up, and balanced her on my right hip—flashbacks of holding Kazui zipping through my mind—and supported her with my right arm while the blanket she previously was under in my left._

_We walked outside and I placed her down on one of the smooth stones that lead to the entryway, then wrapped her up in the blanket to keep out the cold breeze. My own body shivered as I kneeled down to sit behind her; making my position comfortable as I seized her thin, shoulder-blade length hair from under the blanket. I took out the comb and began to sift it through her hair; humming a light tune in hopes of keeping the mood light._

" _How does the sun feel? Is it wonderful?" I asked her—receiving a small nod as her answer._

_I kept going with untangling her hair; utilizing this moment to pay attention to my periphery for a better look exactly where we were. It looked like some sort of aged, run-down area—maybe it was the place Toushirou called the Rukongai? Regardless, something about this place didn't feel safe; I didn't know what this girl was to me, but fear was what this place left me with—fear that something was going to happen to Mai._

_The sound of children laughing caught my attention. My head shifted to look to the right—view of other shacks coming into view, and three small children pushing each other and running around. Mai's head turned to look, and when it did, I looked back down at her with a serious gaze on my face._

_Her hickory eyes focused on them—an emotion I knew well surfacing to cause my breathing to stutter. Her little smile I managed to help her muster dropped slowly back down to that straight line on her lips, and I knew that two emotions were hitting her in full effect._

_The kids disappeared into the side of one of the houses, and I resumed combing out her hair as delicately as possible. I had continued my humming throughout the entire scene for what I assumed was in hopes of easing her, but her next frail words smashed that hope into the ground._

" _W-When…can I play…too?" she asked._

_Kami I was dying. Granted, I_ currently  _didn't know what her ailment was, but by the look and feel of it—Mai more than likely didn't have too much longer to live. How could my past self not—_

_As I went to answer, the feeling of eyes on me had my head snap to the left. A man garbed with a brown cloak leaned against the side of some type of public establishment. While people trekked and buzzed about, his eyes were on me—his eyes cold with a gaze I knew meant business._

_I broke the visual contact, and turned forward to look down at her small head._

" _Soon, my little one—I promise."_

—

_The memory of myself with Mai changed instantly—a new memory taking it's place immediately._

_I was walking behind a man and toward some type of huge building that I couldn't catch in my periphery. My eyes were focused on the ground in front of me—catching glimpses of where each of his feet would lift for his next step, and watching his hakuma sway with the movement._

" _ **Are you sure you can trust these people?"**_ _my zanpakutou's voice asked in my memory._

_The man and I arrived at the doors; two men opening them and allowing us to enter. I looked up to see the establishment—a formal front room meant for gatherings it appeared. Two men sat at the chabudai on the right side while one centered, empty zabudon was on the other side._

" _Ah, welcome Kiteyama-san! Thank you for coming," the man closest to us turned to formally bow._

_I returned the gesture, and upon my rise, the man I followed in here directed me to take the empty seat before moving to stand by the entrance. I removed my shoes and did so; my facial expression stern and unmoving when I looked back up at the two—both of their eyes on me._

_The one on the right that greeted me was rather tall even sitting down. He had dark blue hair that was cut short everywhere aside from a single braid that came from the back of his head and rested on his yellow-garbed, partially visible chest. He was dressed formally as the other man was, and leaned back casually to promote ease within me—clearly failing based on how rigid my body felt._

_The other man was of average height; dressed in blue and with short black hair with no abnormal hair-do. He seemed much more serious than the other man, and made me feel like he was the backup if something went wrong—the muscle that wouldn't let any action other than casual, bodily mannerisms pass._

_This whole situation just seemed treacherous based from the vibe the two of them gave off—the fact that both of them were also armed with what looked like zanpakutou not eradicating any shred of doubt. While I wanted to question why I was with these people in the first place, I had a feeling I already knew the answer…_

" _Kiteyama-san, I would like to begin by saying that we couldn't be more_ ecstatic  _at your willingness to participate in our research study. Without you, the impossible would remain just that—impossible. With your—"_

" _I beg your pardon, but your spiel will be wasted on deaf ears if I allow you to continue." I cut in—the look on his face from my abrupt action was priceless._

" _I'm not here to be convinced of how your association wants to better the world. I am solely here for one reason—the only reason that matters to me. What your goals are mean little to me. I am here to inquire about the marketing pitch of your associate—the cure of any ailment. I will devote myself to you when and if this pitch proves truthful. You seek females with enough reiatsu to become shinigami—implying you need women with enough strength to manipulate reishi, or battle. I am able to execute both, but am only willing to under the following conditions: First—As soon as the research or capture of the element is complete,_ I will be the first  _to use it. Second—No harm will come to fellow souls. If Hollows are in our way or are necessary, then I will take care of it, but if our fellow Rukongai civilians—although loathsome—are involved, you can consider my contract null and void." I firmly explained._

_Blue-Braid leaned forward on the chabudai and set his elbows on the surface; lacing his fingers together as his chin came forward to contact them._

" _My, such a firm resolve you possess—all the better! You seem like a woman possessing above the average intellect—I like you, Kiteyama-san! You show such a fierce determination—you're going to do so well! Normally, I wouldn't do this, but since you show that you mean business and business only, I'll do it for you," he snapped his fingers, and when he did the man on his left paled._

_The man that guided me here left momentarily, and while he was away, Blue-Braid began again._

" _No doubt you're here to help someone rather than just yourself I would assume. I want to show you that we are serious, and have a realistic endeavor, Kiteyama-san. Based on your character, I know that you would turn away unless given proof—am I correct?" he asked—I nodded._

_The man came back; a clothed covered object in his hands as he approached. He set the object on the chabudai in front of Blue-Braid, and with a quick nod retreated to his prior post._

" _What I'm about to show you is an abnormality we were fortunate to get our hands on," he took the cloth in his hand, "This…" He pulled the cloth off the glass casing,"…is The Shinwa."_

_The flower I'd seen come out of me while Kurotsuchi's table was in the glass—missing two of the five petals I remembered it having, and the pale white from before tainted with hues of deteriorating yellow._

_My eyes narrowed on it due to the fact that at the time it was the first I ever saw of it, and while I gazed at it, Blue-Braid's quick movement had me lean back and place my hand on the hilt of my zanpakutou._

_In an instant, he unsheathed his katana, and stabbed the other man's abdomen._

_I quickly leapt from my seat, and unsheathed my zanpakutou as the man screeched in pain._

" _Hold on!" Blue-Braid exclaimed—his free hand outstretched with a halting gesture. "Watch!"_

_The stabbed man fell forward against the chabudai in agony as he held his side, and Blue-Braid quickly took his katana and gathered some of the blood from it in between his thumb and forefinger as he slid his hand down along the side of the blade. Once the blood was gathered, he placed his katana down on the chabudai, and lifted the glass just enough for the roots to be exposed. I could feel his reiatsu building, and as he stuck his bloodied fingers inside to touch the roots, he channeled his reiatsu to those same fingertips._

_The Shinwa's roots scrambled at the touch, and at the receipt of the offering, glowed a golden aura as it expanded its petals._

_Within a moment, the man gasping and choking from the wound glowed that same color—his choked gasps transforming into healthy intakes as if he'd been revitalized in the blink of an eye. He rose back up with his eyes closed and leaned back against the zabudon; cracking his neck and taking a controlled breath through his nostrils before the glow around him faded. He opened his eyes to look at me, and when the glow from both him and the Shinwa was gone completely, he lifted the fabric of his shredded clothing to show me that his wound was gone._

" _See, Kiteyama-san? We were not lying when we said that we have the cure for all ailments," Blue-Braid smiled as he set down the glass to once again seal the Shinwa. "With your help, we can help_ everyone," he covered the Shinwa; snapping his fingers to summon the man to take it away.

_I cautiously sheathed my zanpakutou, and as I did she spoke words of caution._

" _ **Thaumaturgy such as this is not something to be taken lightly, Akinoyo,"**_

_At the click of the guard meeting the sheath, my hand hesitantly remained on the hilt. I had a feeling that I already knew the thought-process going through my head at that moment in time, but I sincerely wished that I could at least hear the thoughts racing through my mind._

_I cautiously stepped forward toward them, and took a seat slowly where I sat previously. I placed on my elbows on the table, and finger-laced hands against my chin._

" _You have my attention."_

—

_The scene changed again._

_I was running through the darkness of the night._

_My heartbeat and breaths strained and racing as I haphazardly ran barefoot in the mud as fast as possible._

" _ **What is happening, Akinoyo?"**_ _she shouted in my mind._

_My grip on her tightened as I continued my sprint. It was only then that I felt my eyes watering. I held myself together; ignoring the protest of my zanpakutou to continue forward._

_I cut through several corners and alleyways—passing by common street dwellers and making them rise and shout at me. I ignored all of them—all offers for assistance and just kept running._

_Finally, I approached the familiar cobblestone pathway from my prior memory, and I nearly slipped trying to come to a stop at the door._

" _Eriko!" I screeched; pounding on the door. "Open the door!"_

_The urgency and the emotion coursing through me was too much to bear even from the perspective I was in—I was panicking just watching._

_A blonde-haired woman opened the door, and as she spoke my name in question and fear, I pushed passed her without even the slightest of acknowledgment. I dropped to my knees in front of Mai—she was in her futon like I'd seen her before; eyes staring at me in fear._

" _A-Aki—" she started._

" _We're leaving—_ now." _I cut her off._

" _What's going on?" Eriko began to panic._

" _Get out of here right now, Eriko—get as far away from here as possible. I don't want to know where you go—just get your things and leave." I instructed as I picked up Mai and wrapped her in her blanket around her torso tightly._

" _W-What? W-W—"_

" _Stop asking questions and_ go! _" I spat and turned to glare at her._

_One look at my face had the woman's lip quivering—she didn't quiver just moments ago at the sight of me…_

_In a blink, her facial expression changed to seriousness. She turned away and prepped items to take._

" _Where will you go?" she asked as she frantically gathered items._

" _Away."_

_I took some sort of long, thick cloth that was the same width as a thick bandage, and I picked up Mai and slung her on my back—the fragile girl crying and whimpering in silence as she weakly draped her arms around my neck and placed her feet on my zanpakutou horizontally placed on my lower back. Once she was on, I wrapped the linen around both of us as a make-shift rope to keep her secure on me; tying the knot quickly over my chest._

" _Thank you for taking care of Mai. I will repay my debt to you one day—count on it." I told her as I stood up and fixed my obi so that my zanpakutou could hold Mai's weight._

_I turned to look at the blonde woman; my face still intimidating based off her expression. "Don't tell anyone where you are—lay low, and stay out of sight, Eriko." I placed my hand on her shoulder briefly, and took off before she could say her reply._

_I took off running—Mai's whimpering hurting my heart, but fueling me to keep going. We soon left the town and into the thick forest after several minutes if running; I was so cold and so tired that I couldn't feel my limbs anymore—I could only imagine how Mai must've been feeling with her already naturally colder temperature body._

" _ **Akinoyo—you**_ **must** _ **tell me what happened. It's been almost seven months—what did have they done to you? Did the Shinwa—"**_

" _ **The less you know—the better. All that you need to know at this moment is to be prepared—we're being hunted."**_ _I cut her off._

_I didn't need to hear my zanpakutou's reply to feel her skepticism and hurt from the lack of trust toward her. After still-aired seconds, she finally replied with restraint, and just pure obedience._

" _ **Understood."**_

_A cough from Mai sounded; cementing the end of our mental conversation as her little right hand left my shoulder to cover her mouth._

" _Are you okay, Mai?" I halted—utilizing the opportunity to catch my breath._

_I squatted down panting, and turned my head to look at her over my shoulder the best I could. Her coughing wasn't stopping. I hadn't seen her body ever lurch like it was, but I could tell that it was hurting her even without the anxiety and heavy concern plaguing me._

" _Mai—"_

_Thick, hot liquid splattered on the side of my face. My eyes widened and breath hollowed when I saw the red splattered all over her hand and on her lips._

" _Mai!"_

_I quickly untied the cloth that fastened her to me; making sure she didn't just plop down as soon as the hold let out. I took hold of her and set her down gently; turning to her immediately and loosening the blanket so her chest was less restrained. She was barely able to sit up; she leaned on me for support._

" _Has it gotten worse, Mai?" I asked her—a small movement of her head telling me yes. "Damn it!" I sneered._

_She continued coughing up the blood, and my tears only worsened as my anger amplified._

_Day break lit the forest in a soft, peach color, and I looked around to see if anyone was in the vicinity. Only birds chirped in the dawn's light, and the cold wind rustled the leaves on the ground. I took a deep breath; almost as if the intake finalized a weary decision._

" _Mai," I cooed—the ebony-haired porcelain doll trying her best to give me her attention._

" _It's time for this to end. I don't want you to suffer any longer," I told her._

_Her coughing halted, and her bloodied face looked up at me exhausted and scared at my words._

" _C-Can…I…p-p-play now?" she asked before another cough almost shattered her ribs._

_I took her face in my icy hands; my tears running over my trembling lips dripping down._

" _Yes, my love," I paused to smile at her in hopes to calm her tremors. "I will heal you, and when we arrive at our new home, the first thing we will do when we're settled is to run in the fields together, and bask in the sunlight as we lay in the grassy plains laughing and smiling—_ I promise _." I told her._

_She sniffled, and the corners of her lips turned up in the biggest smile she could muster._

" _I…can't wait…N-Nee-chan," she looked up at me._

_I bit my lip and nodded; wiping my tears off with my palm before wiping her bloodied mouth with my sleeve._

_I gently coaxed her to a comfortable position on the ground; her back straight so she could still see what I was doing rather than toppling into the leaves._

_I backed up just a fraction to make space between us, and my hand went to the hilt of my zanpakutou._

" _ **Akinoyo—what are you doing?"**_ _My zanpakutou questioned almost frantically._

_I unsheathed her, and held her blade out between us._

" _I went away to help you get better Mai," I began._

_I held out my arm, and slowly sliced my forearm—Mai gasping at my action._

" _I can make you better now," I continued as I dropped my zanpakutou on the ground._

_I reached up to my face, and swiped off a good amount of the blood she coughed on my cheek into my two forefingers; bringing it down to smear it into my open wound._

" _Be still, Mai—this will only take a moment,"_

_I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, channeling a reiatsu I now knew very well from my two recent experiences. The same reiatsu that Koizumi Fumiko drew—the same reiatsu I felt on Kurotsuchi's table…_

_I could feel it pulsating through me—a tremendous, malevolent force dominating my entire being in an instant. I took that aura trapped within me, and exuded it from my core with a confidence and authoritative persistence that took all the willpower within me to execute. I could feel the warm glow of it all over the surface of my skin—possessive as it caressed me—attempting to win me over by seduction. I held firm resolve—I was going to be the guide whether it liked it or not._

_I could feel it zeroing in on the foreign blood I'd put in my wound, and when I did, I channeled my own reiatsu to coax it to focus on what I wanted._

_Mai gasped in the same way the man from my other memory had. I looked up at her to see the golden glow emanating from her, and could feel The Shinwa bending to my will and entering into her. She didn't convulse, but it looked as if something took over her for a fraction of a second—which in this case_ was  _the case._

_She looked up at me—her face with a healthy glow, and her eyes brighter than the morning sun—and smiled. Her little hands rose to touch her face, and fresh tears emerged to the edge of her two tiny seas—tears different from the ones that panged my heart._

" _I…I feel good," she grinned—actually grinned. She reached and took my hands with a new speed I didn't think possible, and squeezed my hands with newfound strength._

" _I…Nee-chan…I—"_

_That happy, healthy glow disappeared as quickly as the flick of a light-switch._

_The golden aura emanating from her had changed to black, and her face lost all shreds of emotion except for one._

" _Mai?" I took hold of her shoulders. "Mai, what—"_

_The loudest scream I'd ever heard erupted from her._

_Her skin moved with a rushed current that made her skin look like water. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and her body rose on its own accord._

_I pushed her down; screaming her name over and over again—my heart racing and my breaths choked and painful from the fear and shock coarsing through me._

_The force of her overpowered me, and she rose above my head as her body convulsed and moved sporadically. I stood up to try to bring her down, and when I reached for her my mind went blank._

_Loud snapping, and the view of her limbs twisting and curling in on each other as if a crazed puppeteer jerked and tangled his strings together made me freeze in horror._

_She…she was…_

_The blood rushing within her erupted out of her broken skin. In an instant, her body curled inward as if every drop of it were being extracted out so she was just a sack of bones and flesh. It all gathered into one floating pool manipulated by that dark aura, and it created a path straight to me._

_It was then I realized I couldn't control my limbs._

_Mai's body thumped on to the ground, and instantly that stream of blood began to caress the surface of my bare skin. In as little as two seconds, my skin absorbed it like earth absorbing water—a faint trace of it left on my skin for just moments before it appeared as if nothing even happened._

_The black aura around me, and that overwhelming and terrifying reiatsu ceased after a few more moments. Once I regained control of my body, I could only do one thing…_

_Scream._

-x-x-

My body fell forward, and my outstretched palms caught my fall. The tears from my eyes fell onto the surface of the familiar murky water, and I watched through blurred eyes as the water rippled outward; choking sobs unavoidable.

"They told you it was necessary to suppress me," the voice of my zanpakutou caught me. "They said that it would only be during their research, and that on the off time they would remove the hold on me."

I could see her reflection next to me, but I didn't have the mental stamina to rise after the horrible memory that I almost wish I had never seen.

"They lied to you. They kept you hostage, and used you for their bidding. You never told me what happened because you insisted that the less I knew about it, the better. Now with your current state, I understand why you sealed me away—I don't agree with it, but I understand your previous intent." She paused to see if I'd say anything, and when I didn't she continued.

"You did it all for her—the young soul that meant the world to you. After that happened, you went into a rage I'd never seen before. You trained to become stronger solely for the intent to slaughter the ones that you believed caused this. Your sorrow fueled you enough to become a Shinigami in hopes of honing your abilities and extracting your revenge on them. However, even with several years passing, you still weren't strong enough to face them. We improved tremendously together, and you finally began to heal from the ordeal and make mental progress with me—but it still wasn't enough."

I was whimpering now; my sobbing almost uncontrollable, and my shoulders quivering with such a new fear that I couldn't even grasp.

The water rippled beside me; her presence next to me surprising, but not as surprising as what she did next.

Her hand set on my shoulder—I looked at her and tried to straighten myself up, but to no avail.

"Our powers have increased tremendously since that day with Mai. With the situation currently, we can overcome the cards we've been dealt by working together—meaning you have to heed my warnings, and accept that things may not be able to play in your favor."

I sat up so that I faced her properly; wiping my face on my sleeve so she knew that I was giving her my full attention, and was taking in her words.

"While I am still hurt from everything that has happened, I've decided that even though holding a grudge against you sounds delightful, we need to put aside our differences and proceed forward together from this point on. I need to know from you here and now—are you prepared and willing to work with me?"

I nodded fiercely; taking a deep breath and staring into her umber eyes sternly.

"Yes—I am." I told her.

The corner of her lip turned up in a small smile at my reply. She took her hand back from my shoulder, and that smile turned back to the serious façade she donned previously.

"Please, hear my name this time…"

I focused as hard as I could; a silent plea to Kami for this to work.

"Musei no Koe."


	30. Chapter 30

"You don't call that treacherous behavior?"

"You tampered with the unknown—it wasn't  _her_ doing it on her own accord!"

"Her zanpakutou handled the situation—you have no right to say that what happened was her doing!"

My eyes opened to a white, fluorescent-lighted room. I scrunched my eyes shut at the harsh light, and turned on my side in a curl to fight from the cold that tingled my bare skin. I didn't want to get up—I didn't want to deal with any of this right now. All I wanted more than anything was to just curl up in bed and let myself recuperate from the visual that replayed beneath closed eyelids.

While I took comfort in the fact that everything I've done was to help someone—the outcome of what happened completely crushed me. The look of her when…

I opened my eyes to rid myself of the visual; looking around to see that I was in the same room Kurotsuchi-Taichou scanned me in. This wasn't the place where I could just mourn—there was an argument going on about me just outside the room. I had to explain to them what happened—it wasn't my fault that—

My eyes widened.

"Nemuri!" I gasped as I sat straight up.

The conversation outside halted completely.

Although I felt weak, I quickly made my way to the door and opened it to race out. I saw several pairs of eyes on me, but their calling fell on deaf ears as my eyes fell on a small figure with several men around her. I raced as quickly as my legs could take me to her—pushing past everyone until I was seized by the back of my gown.

" _You_ will go nowhere  _near_ her," Kurotsuchi-Taichou threatened as he pulled me back.

"What did I do to her?" I turned back to look at him.

"Let her go this  _instant,_ Kurotsuchi," Toushirou was by my side, glaring him down with such an intensity that my skin shivered—hearing him snatch Kurotsuchi-Taichou's forearm didn't help either.

A small yelp had my head snap forward.

I didn't care if I got in trouble—I reached back and took hold of the fabric in his grasp, and lurched myself forward as hard as I could; twisting myself and tearing the gown in my escape. I pushed between the medics until she finally came into view.

She looked  _horrible._

She was on the table I was previously on; arms and legs straightened and fastened to metal rods. It looked temporary for now—the first action they took was to heal her as best as possible externally before possibly proceeding in surgically. Her pale skin was blotched with deep purples and burgundies, and her face was scrunched up in pain even through what I'm sure was a kido-induced coma. My eyes narrowed on the surgical-steel knife on the tray adjacent to one of the medics…dear Kami—what have I done?

During that brief moment I inspected her, Kurotsuchi-Taichou snapped at Toushirou. I was too focused on Nemuri in front of me to really tune into them—my guilt for what I'd done too overwhelming to deal with anything else at that moment.

" _It broke almost all the bones in her body,"_ Musei no Koe began in my mind.  _"I woke up before it snapped her neck, and punctured her lungs."_

Cue my tears.

While I didn't have trouble processing just how absolutely malicious and evil The Shinwa was, I still didn't  _want_ to believe it—I didn't want to believe that it was a part of me, and I didn't want to face the fact that I didn't have the choice to rid myself of it. I didn't want to sacrifice others to satisfy its hunger—the thought of killing…

I stared into Nemuri trying to stifle myself, but to no avail. She didn't deserve what I did to her…she didn't deserve what I—

" _I can help,"_ Musei no Koe intruded my thoughts.  _"I can heal her, Akinoyo."_

" _What do you mean?"_ My face scrunched with question.  _"You said that you can only phase through attacks—_ not  _heal them. On top of that, it only applies to me, doesn't it?"_

" _The Shinwa is active now; I will explain in depth when we begin to reestablish our connection, but for the time being, I can utilize The Shinwa for this task."_

The whites of Mai's eyes along with her screaming face met me when I closed my eyes to choke out a sob. I opened my own reddened eyes to stare straight into her generational-gapped twin—the expression on her face nowhere near Mai's, but still enough to make me want to take myself into the next room and tap out of this situation with the closest sharp object.

" _But…Mai…"_

" _This is different, Akinoyo—we weren't who we were back then. We have learned how to—"_

I was tugged back before she could finish her sentence. I traced the hand on my arm to see Rangiku was the one who pulled me; her eyes focused on the argument I'd selfishly tuned out of.

"Regardless of what happened, Kiteyama is—"

"Hosting a monstrosity within her that possesses malevolent power of its own? Yes, you're correct, Hitsugaya-Taichou," Kurotsuchi sneered; cutting him off. "Now that it has been provenby the deadlystrike on Nemuri Hachigou; Kiteyama Akinoyo  _must be contained at all costs!_ "

"Yet she was able to halt the flower before Nemuri  _met_ death, Kurotsuchi-Taichou. You're focusing on one single piece of the event—not the event as a whole!" Abarai-Taichou countered.

" _Musei no Koe,"_ I called internally—at her lack of response, I assumed she was waiting for me to continue.  _"With you and I both fully revitalized now—are we able to control The Shinwa?"_

" _To an extent. We only used it when there wasn't an alternative, and only when we needed to provide it sustenance. Your hatred forbade me from using it for any other reasons, however, against your wishes, I learned how to control it to an extent."_

" _So, we can keep it under control in the sense of it lashing out on its own?"_ I asked.

" _By the sacrifices—yes. Once it indicates it is time and we in turn supply it, then it will remain under our command."_

" _What do you need to heal Nemuri?"_

" _Reign over your body. Trying to command The Shinwa without doing so at this moment will bear only one result."_

She didn't need to finish her sentence—I trusted her words enough without the convincing.

Loud, almost sporadic beeping broke my trance along with the argument.

"Where is the relief unit?" One of the medics shouted. As another one answered with a frantic reply, one turned to Kurotsuchi-Taichou.

"Kurotsuchi-Taichou, we haven't another moment to lose—if this is delayed any longer, her lungs will collapse. We're at an extremely high risk, Sir! What are your orders?"

It was now or never.

"Kurotsuchi-Taichou!" I stepped forward toward him right before he answered the medic. "I can heal her! There's no need to wait for—"

" _You? Healing?_ After the scene you just made in my lab, and hurting her in the first place? Why would I  _ever_  even consider taking any offer for help from you?" He spat at me.

"Because it's different now—now that The Shinwa is active I can—"

"The Shinwa?"

"I'll explain later—can you please just trust me?"

"Absolutely not!"

"You heard the men—the risks for the operation are high and she needs to be healed  _now_!" I shouted back.

"Kiteyama," Toushirou tried to stifle me.

"No!" I shook off his verbal attempt and stomped forward toward Kurotsuchi-Taichou. "You can't do this to her! You can't just stand there and deny aid for her! She's what—five? Let me just—"

"The answer is no, and that's  _final_!" Kurotsuchi-Taichou sneered at me.

A hand was on my shoulder now, and judging by the size of the hand I knew it was Abarai-Taichou trying to calm me down. The thing about it was though—my guilt wouldn't back down from this.

"I'll take the repercussions you see fit later then." I glared up at Kurotsuchi. "Musei no Koe," I called her aloud.

Immediately, Musei no Koe's reiatsu made itself known; everyone in the room aside from Toushirou tensing in defense at her presence. In a blink, she had control over me, and waved my hand so the medics were forcefully moved.

Kurotsuchi-Taichou flashed over to me; gripping my shoulder harshly with his other hand on his zanpakutou. "I said you will—"

"Silence." Musei no Koi replied; only a stare freezing Kurotsuchi-Taichou in place. "Stand aside," she ordered Toushirou and Abarai-Taichou with a gaze too intense to ever be my own.

"Musei no Koe—was it?" Toushirou began—oh thank Kami he could tell the difference! "You're sure you can do this?"

She gazed into him in almost a glare, but he didn't back down from returning her gaze with his own icy one. She turned to look at Nemuri before answering.

"Akinoyo's lack of patience caused the scene earlier—if all of you had awaited my recuperation, none of that would have happened. I will allow Akinoyo to explain what I have told her, but while I'm in control, let me make this perfectly lucid—do not experiment with The Shinwa again for the time being. I can control it at this moment in time, but on the off chance of a negative reaction to tampering, I cannot guarantee at this point that I will be able to control it in that state again—it was a miracle I was able to save this young girl's life as it is. Until Akinoyo regains her abilities, it is unwise to tamper with it any further. Am I understood?"

Toushirou quickly looked to Abarai-Taichou and Rangiku—not even gracing Kurotsuchi-Taichou with a glance.

"Understood." He replied.

"Step back, Hitsugaya Toushirou," she commanded.

As soon as he obliged, that low hum of power she'd used to contain Kurotsuchi-Taichou and push the medics out of the way amplified tremendously. As she rose my hand, that golden aura I'd seen in my memories emitted from my skin; vibrations of The Shinwa's power surging through my bones. She removed the metal rods that straightened Nemuri's limbs without even a flick of my wrist—the rods levitating and moving through the air before being set down on another table.

Nemuri rose next by Musei no Koe's doing—she outstretched my arms, and brought Nemuri into them. Holding her small body brought back those past memories of Mai—the hurt in my heart over what happened, and the fear of it repeating. At the same time however, all I wanted to do was cradle the girl in my arms in repentance for what happened to her. I'm sure that after this, I wouldn't be able to see Nemuri again—I was glad I got to at the very least do this.

That golden glow engulfed her—her little body moving slightly at The Shinwa's entry into her.

" _Have faith in me,"_

Within seconds her eyes shot open—dazed, confused, and scared. She didn't move, but assessed what the situation was before taking action.

"Rest easy, young Shinigami—you are safe." Musei no Koe told her.

She looked extremely hesitant—shit, I didn't blame her—but in a mere moment, her lungs filled as if the oxygen by itself caused immense relief. I watched as the blotches on her skin dissipated, and within seconds it was like nothing had ever happened to her. That vibrant, youthful glow was back, and her emerald eyes widened with the realization that she wasn't hurt anymore. Musei no Koe set her down on the table, and the child stretched out her hands and legs as if for the first time—flicking each of her fingers and twisting her torso as she took a deep breath.

The golden aura enveloping her began to dissipate at that moment, and I could feel The Shinwa's energy lent to her recede to flow back into me. The feeling itself was almost as if a strong breeze hit me; my skin on the verge of goosebumps from the fraction of power that Musei no Koe utilized—I wondered just how it would feel full force.

Musei no Koe looked down at Nemuri—her unsure facial expression making me still feel terrible about the entire ordeal. I felt like Musei no Koe wanted to upturn the corner of my lips, but she didn't—she merely turned to look at Kurotsuchi-Taichou, and rose her hand.

His body broke from the frozen state she left him in along with the other medics, and immediately he flashed to me and took me by my throat.

"Assault on a Taichou means—"

Before he could finish his sentence, Toushirou and Abarai-Taichou were on him—Toushirou's zanpakutou at his throat, and Abarai-Taichou with her palm at his abdomen in a firm, concentrated, and deadly position.

"You believe you stand a chance against The Shinwa that has held you captive twice? Your incompetence is atrocious for lack of a better word." Musei no Koe stared into him with disinterest.

"Stand down, Kurotsuchi," Toushirou warned with that threatening tone.

"The threat at this moment in time, is any tampering with The Shinwa itself while Akinoyo has yet to fully reestablish her dominance. You seem to be the Shinigami in command of this research facility—with that title, I would assume it indicates that you are the most intellectual of the facility. That being the case, it would be  _wise of you_  to  _heed_  my warning," Musei no Koe explained.

Without even moving, she froze him again—stepping out of his grasp before releasing the hold on him. His reiatsu flared with anger, but Musei no Koe strode toward the seating area and took a seat completely unfazed while the man remained frozen. Toushirou and Abarai-Taichou released their grasp of the petrified man, and as soon as they did, Musei no Koe turned him so that he faced my direction.

"Go ahead—speak." She told him.

His nostrils flaring but the rest of his body remaining still told me that she only allowed head movement from him—she was seriously pushing it.

"The day the order is given to slay you, will be the day you wish you never challenged me." He borderline snarled.

The small, confident smirk playing on my lips lacked any false bravado—she was ecstatic about the threat.

"If that day comes—I'd love to see your failure of an attempt."

Oh man…the sass was  _too_ real! Even though I was as giddy as a child that just beat a videogame, I was in such shit for this.

She made me look at Toushirou, and with a glint in her eye, leaned back and crossed my right leg over my left along with crossing my arms. "I trust as her guardian, you understand the severity of this situation. All time is crucial now due to The Shinwa's wake—the quicker I can reestablish our bond, the less likely all of you perish in one foul swoop. Please keep that in mind before taking any action. I will require your help in these coming days—please be prepared."

"Understood." Toushirou replied.

She looked back to Kurotsuchi-Taichou, and within an instant he was free. "Until tomorrow then," she smirked at him before closing my eyes.

As soon as I opened my eyes not even a second later, I was back in control. As much as I didn't want to, I immediately did what had to be done.

I got up swiftly, stepped forward and bowed to Kurotsuchi-Taichou. "My apologies for disobeying your orders, Sir! I did it for the sake of Nemuri Hachigou's well-being—I will receive with open arms any punishment befitting for my action."

Kami this was disgraceful. Bowing down to anyone in itself made my gut churn with bitterness—but with this type of society, it wasn't like I had much of a choice anymore.

"All of you—get out of my sight," Kurotsuchi-Taichou's hand went to the hilt of his zanpakutou. "While this case is still open, I'll refrain from executing befitting punishment,  _but when this is over,_  you lot will  _not_ be let off easily." He threatened.

"I agree, Sir," I replied albeit with undercover sarcasm.

I rose from my bow, and as soon as I did, Toushirou motioned me out the door. Rangiku quickly grabbed my things, and Abarai-Taichou fell in suit with Toushirou and myself.

"Let's go to my office to discuss this," Abarai-Taichou said as soon as we emerged out of the facility.

"Agreed," Toushirou answered, looking down at me to see if I was ready to go.

In all honesty, I needed a cigarette— _stat_ —but I knew that it wasn't the time for it just yet. I knew that this was more important, and my nerves would have to wait.

I gave him a curt nod, and immediately we were off.

-x-x-

After changing out of that gown, and recapping just what in the Hell happened over the time span of less than an hour, it was concluded that the only course of action to take at this point was to indeed  _heed_ my zanpakutou's warning. The plan for today was to lay low, and assess the situation rather than jumping to conclusions. I was thankful for it since I was still recuperating mentally from all of the recent events.

I didn't really delve into what happened with Mai during my explanation. I settled on briefly going over what happened for my own sake—just speaking about her aloud had me on the verge of tears, and I just wanted to get through everything as quickly as possible.

Abarai-Taichou seemed pretty lenient about the whole disrespectful bout toward Kurtosuchi-Taichou; she said that he was acting completely irrationally, and that with the situation being what it was, she was glad that I was able to save Nemuri. She told me that she knew someone with the same just, yet rebellious behavior I had, and the comment made something stir within Toushirou that I couldn't quite grasp.

"I'll take care of reporting this event to the Soutaichou, along with giving Kurotsuchi this new information. Please keep me posted," Abarai-Taichou told us when Toushirou decided it was time to leave.

"Thank you—you will be the first notified," Toushirou replied.

I gave my Taichou a quick bow out of respect, and with that, the three of us left. We made our way back to Toushirou's office, and while I was in his arms as he flashed back to the office, I felt like something wasn't right. Toushirou was already the quiet type, but this seemed like it was on a whole new level.

During my explanation of what happened, he had some input here and there, but nowhere near the usual output that he had. Was it something I did? Was it when I cut him off earlier when I was arguing with that dildo of a scientist? Was it—

Oh Kami.

Now that we both knew what I have within me—was he having second thoughts about his feelings for me?

I gripped his shihakushou collar tighter without thinking—my nerves taking over at this new realization that this might just be the part where Toushirou taps out. I couldn't read his emotions this whole time—I knew he was worried when I first came out of the room after examination, and I knew that he was against the entire thing. After I woke up however, his overall demeanor was different—something just didn't seem right.

I had a feeling I was 99% right about my assumption—who in their right mind would want to fuck around with an oddity like me? I have an entity within me that requires me to  _kill in its behalf_ in order for it to survive. Kami, he might as well be in a relationship with a fucking Hollow.

He didn't make any sudden movements at my action—normally he'd turn his head slightly or tap me with one of his fingers as a double-check on me, but now with this new information, I didn't blame him for not making that simple motion that comforted me. I could feel my eyes beginning to get heavy, but I had to remain calm. If this was how he felt about me now, then I had to be tough. I didn't want to cause him any trouble after everything he's done for me—the least I could do aside from just letting him confront me, was just leave peacefully to Rangiku's if that option was still available.

We made it to the office building; several of Toushirou's subordinates buzzing about doing their jobs and associating in a work-related fashion. Most gave a small nod to Toushirou and Rangiku, in which Toushirou didn't respond with more than eye contact as he walked—Rangiku winking, smiling, and waving at everyone.

Aside from my internal conflict, the feeling of being completely out of place walking alongside the two of them only amplified my self-battering. I felt so many eyes on me, and so many muffled words that I just wanted to cave into myself. With this feeling that everything between Toushirou and I was going up in flames after this ordeal, it only made me wonder if those whispers were getting to him as much as they were getting to me—was his status finally coming into play as I predicted? He'd told me he didn't care what others thought, but with all the babysitting and overall divvying of his responsibilities due to my incessant needs—was it wearing on him and also adding to this change in behavior?

We made it to the office, and as soon as we did, Toushirou instructed Rangiku to take his place at a meeting he had soon over at their training facility with their newer Squad members. With a pouty huff, she obliged to the order and made her way over to me.

"You were pretty brave today, Akinoyo-chan; I know that you're overwhelmed right now, but we're all here to help you," she smiled and took my shoulders. "I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this soon," she winked.

"Thanks—I appreciate it " I managed to reply.

With a final upturn of her lips, she made her way out the door—leaving myself and the quiet Toushirou standing by his desk.

I stood there by the door awkwardly, and when he turned to look at me I realized just how weird it was that I was still hovering near the door rather than taking a seat on his guest couch like I normally would. I quickly disconnected our brief eye contact and wandered over by one of the book cases—too nervous to actual take said seat, and settling to stand for a few more moments before attempting to ask for a tobacco excursion.

I could feel his eyes on me, but he didn't say  _a_   _word._  What could I expect though with this new information brought to light? I couldn't expect what I began to regularly rely on from him anymore—why should he? My thoughts drifted to last night, and that huge step we took together—was it all for nothing now? Did he  _now_ regret everything?

I heard him moving, but made damn sure I didn't look back to him or halt my useless browsing at the literature decorating the shelves—I wasn't even really reading any of the titles. A small, metal clicking noise caught my attention next; the footsteps closing in me making my spine stiffen against my consent.

"Akinoyo," he called me as he continued his stride.

Good Kami. Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool…

"Yes?"

"What's on your mind?" He quickly got to the point.

Well, shit. To tell him? As much as I wanted to, I honestly didn't know If I could take it. I'd have to let him be the one to cut it—I wasn't emotionally brave enough to do it.

I turned around to face him—intimidated when I realized just how close he'd gotten to me—and backed up into the bookshelf with my hands behind my back; a small, smiling façade I made damn sure was on my face.

"Nothing really," I sheepishly replied—literally to no avail.

"Nothing? I find that hard to believe after today," he replied with that damn gaze I loved so much piercing into me—I quickly broke that eye contact.

"Well, I—uh—am just a bit overwhelmed I guess," I turned to mindlessly stare at the books. "It's a bit of a shocker when you find out you have a bloodthirsty demonic entity within you—ya know? To Hell with high hopes—right?"

It wasn't a lie—these thoughts  _were_ plaguing me, but not as much as what was going on between him and I. With him remaining by my side, I could  _somewhat_ deal with all this fucking bullshit I was in, but without him…well—there would be no guarantee that I'd wake up in the morning. It would have to take some serious mental hurdles to even  _think_ about beginning to work with this, and Kami, I didn't  _want_ to go through this by myself. I was such a weak failure now that I  _needed_ the hand-holding; I  _needed_ the additional support from someone I trusted and loved—but now look.

"Hope isn't gone—you know that. Matsumoto just finished telling you that we're all here for you—it will be difficult, but we're going to get through it."

He stepped forward toward me, and I quickly side-stepped before he made contact. I tried to play it off as a not-on-purpose action, but he was too smart to fall for my tricks.

"If I didn't know any better, there's something else you're not telling me," he began—I cut in before he could get to the main question.

"Nope, it's all good, Hitsugaya—just that." I tried to smile.

"Hitsugaya?"

Ah shit.

"That's your name isn't it?" I questioned hesitantly.

The look he gave me said it all—he  _knew_  what I was doing.

" _Kiteyama_ ," he returned the formality—quickly closing the remaining distance between us.

I had floated to the corner of the room by the window with my not-so-casual stroll, and where he stood completely blocked me from making any quick escapes.

"Y-Yes?" I stuttered.

"Humor me," he pressed—I tried not to gulp.

"I-I can't think of any other jokes aside from my existence," I nervously stammered some sarcasm.

"If that were true, I wouldn't have fallen for you," he outstretched his hand—I stared into like it was the last desert on the table and I'd been starving for months. "Why are you distancing yourself from me?"

Well, that got my hands to twitch—I clenched them into fists to avoid losing myself.

"Why wouldn't  _you_ distance yourself from me now that we've uncovered the truth?"

He took his hand back—the expression on his face serious, yet laced with hurt perhaps? "Because it doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Why wouldn't it?"

"Why  _would_ it?"

I pursed my lips, and turned to look out the sheer-curtained window. "Because now I have to  _kill_ innocent beings to satisfy this thing inside of me. A Taichou associating himself with someone like me  _in that way_ isn't quite the best for his reputation."

There was a moment of silence between us, and each second felt like a million years of torment. I had to hold myself together though—I couldn't just—

"Let me show you something," he intercepted.

I looked at him, and he outstretched his hand again to entice me. I looked between his eyes and his hand several times, and reluctantly placed my fingers into his palm.

"Let me show you why what happened today doesn't change anything between us,  _Akinoyo_."

He yanked me into him.

I yelped from the unexpected action, and within moments he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his head against mine.

"This is where I want you—safe in my arms. Here, I can make sure that nothing and  _no one_ hurts you. It's the only way that I can fully express to you how much you mean to me—how precious you are to me." His hand rose to my shoulders; his warm palms trailing up my neck with pressured fingers to pull me into him.

"When I saw you on that table today, I was angry. I knew what was going through your mind, and I wanted you off that table at all costs. I know that right now you're trying to be strong; you're trying to  _redeem_ yourself and act like you used to be—cold and unaffected. For your pride, I let  _you_ make the decision to go through with it even though I didn't want to see you like that; I wanted you to feel safe and protected—but I couldn't do that. When everything happened with The Shinwa, I was worried about you and still  _am_ worried that with this you would revert completely to how you used to be. I don't want to see you go back to that place; I want you here, and I want to protect you—I can't stress that enough,"

He squeezed me, and his heart pounding with the emotion in his words made my insides melt at the intensity.

"The only way I can show you that I care for you is by what you're doing right now— _letting me in_. We made a promise to each other, and I fully intend to keep that promise to you no matter what gets thrown my way."

My uncontrollable whimpering had him pull back to look at me. I couldn't even begin to process just how much his words meant to me—all I could do was just let myself sob. He wiped some of my tears away, and cradled my cheek as he continued to make sure that the steel door in my mind threatening to slam shut remained permanently open.

"It's  _okay_ that you're scared; I'm going to see this through—I'm  _going_  to help you work through this. No matter what is happening to you, no matter what you are, or what is inside of you, the way I feel about you will not change."

He tilted my chin up so I would look at him, and I reluctantly gave into his demand. "Please don't fret over my reputation—please believe me when I say that you are not, and  _will_   _not_  affect it. I know your concern is because you care, but I don't want you to think that I would allow it to hinder my relationship to you. Regardless of what happens, I care about you, Kiteyama Akinoyo; I don't care about anything else right now other than getting you out of this situation."

I lifted my hand to try and straighten myself up by wiping my tears and pinching between my eyes—I wanted to ask and say so much to him, but my vocal chords refused to cooperate with me due to his enticement.

"Akinoyo," he continued—I looked up at him with my flushed face in embarrassment. "I'm going to help you through this—while this is the only way I can show you at the moment how much I care for you, please have faith in me, and please don't distance yourself from me. I want you to know how important you are to me; I want you with me no matter what the cost."

He leaned down and pressed his forehead against mine in that comforting way he always did. "Will you allow me to be with you, and to do my best to help you?"

All I could do was nod into him. The emotional strain of all the new information hit me all at once and he knew it. He brought his lips to mine in a quick kiss before pulling back so I could take hold of him for dear life. He knew at that moment that I just needed him with me—and it brought more tears that someone cared about me enough to allow me.

"I'm here," he cooed. "I'll  _always_ be here for you,"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -x-x-x-x-
> 
> Hello Readers,
> 
> My sincerest apologies for how late this chapter is. Life has gotten more hectic than before, and I'm in the middle of yet another major life change in the same year. Because of this, I can't promise at the moment that this will be updated weekly, but I do promise to do my very best for you guys. Again, my apologies.
> 
> On another note—you've made it to Chapter 30! I want to thank all of you for reading, and want to let you know that you guys made my birthday wish come true…4,500 Views, and 70 Reviews for Hazed. You guys honestly made me cry out of sincere happiness—THANK YOU SO MUCH! One of the only things that makes me happy at this point is writing this fic, and seeing that people read it just makes my world that much brighter. Thank you all so very much—I appreciate all of you.
> 
> Much love guys,
> 
> -Vi.


	31. Chapter 31

A knock on the door had me shoot up like I’d been shocked in the ass. I looked around frantically; forgetting where I was entirely for a moment due to my PTSD from my apartment in the World of the Living. While that in itself was irrational because they _never_ knocked, it didn’t stop the emotion or the fear that got me.

Movement next to me had my head snap down to look—the sleepy King of my world rising next to me reluctantly. He set a calming hand on my shoulder; doing his best in his tired state to cool me down from my frantic behavior.

The knocking continued in the same rhythmic pattern. He leaned into me to give me a quick kiss on the cheek for the first greeting of the morning, then rose entirely to answer it. I watched his bare back as he made his way to his wardrobe; the muscular tone of his smooth, yet scarred skin entrancing me as it usually did—the urge to feel it on my fingertips a terrible itch that needed to be scratched.

He threw on some warm clothes, and trekked his way to the front door in time for another verse of knocking to sound. I laid back against his firm, yet comfortable white-sheeted pillows and re-tucked myself in. I didn’t want to get up and deal with anything; the best thing in the World was laying in his bed with him by my side—why would I want to do anything else? Why when I could have him hold me and keep me warm, talk sweetly to me, make me feel—

 _“You’re acting like a love-sick puppy.”_ Musei no Koe rudely interrupted.

My close-eyed face dead-panned. _“I can’t let_ some _feminine qualities slip every once in a while to distract myself?”_

 _“I wouldn’t quite label them as_ feminine qualities; _more as what I’ve said—a love-sick puppy waiting to be pet,”_

Whatever. She didn’t get it. She hasn’t been there to really understand why—I decided to just bypass her condescending judgement.

_“Can I help you?”_

_“The Shinwa needs sustenance—get up, and get ready to go.”_ She said with a serious tone.

The fact that The Shinwa needed a sacrifice _already_ made that little bit of a normal mood dissipate almost instantly. It depressed me that there wasn’t a choice in the matter—the damn flower had to get what it wanted whether anyone liked it or not. Although all my body wanted to do was just sleep so that my mind could recuperate a bit longer, again it was all for not.

I rose up to my dismay, and started making my way to the spare room I kept my shihakushou in. Right before I opened the door to exit Toushirou's room, he beat me to opening it—nearly scaring half to death.

“Nankai is here to see you.” He began.

“Oh,” I responded in remembrance of the odd happening with her from yesterday. I hadn’t told Toushirou what happened since the rest of the day was pretty much complete shit—I honestly just didn’t want to deal with it right now.

“Musei no Koe told me that The Shinwa needs tending immediately—what is she here for?” I prompted.

“She said it was just a quick visit to make sure your stitches aren’t still in. Abarai informed the other Taichou of what went down yesterday, so Kotetsu sent Miyuki to make sure nothing is awry—while I know that everything has been removed and healed, did you want her to take a quick look at you?”

Curiosity was getting the better of me, and I wanted to know exactly what she meant by that tid-bit of a comment, but I couldn’t ignore Musei no Koe's warning. We agreed that whatever she says goes for the time being, and as much as it somewhat agitated me, I knew it was for the best.

“No, I’m fine. I’d rather get this taken care of before we do anything else. If she pitches a fit, tell her to come back in a few hours.” I told him.

“Sounds good,” he confirmed before returning back to the front entrance.

I went into the room to get ready; stripping from the lent yukata and shivering when the cold morning air collided with my hot skin. I looked over my naked body in the mirror for a moment; inspecting the areas of the two recent wounds that were now sealed. I fully expected them to be new editions to the gallery across my stomach, but was in pleasant surprise when they didn’t leave so much as a faint scar. The stitches were completely gone—I assumed removed rather than dwelling under my skin—and I traced over the area with the tips of my fingers for some sort of unnecessary reassurance.

 _“Can I ask your opinion of The Shinwa?”_ I asked Musei no Koe.

 _“It can be the greatest good, or the most virulent evil; dwelling within you, the chances of the later were slim. However due to your inability to control it or_ me, _the scale has reversed.”_

Well, saying that her statement didn’t make me feel too great was a damn understatement.

_“And so at this moment, the only thing that I can do is rely on you, along with plunging yet again into the seventh circle of Hell to satisfy it on the daily?”_

_“Until you can control it yourself—yes.”_

I finished with the corset and pants, and slid my shitagi on as my thoughts went rampant. Not even ten seconds into it, she interrupted with _light_ amusement in her voice.

_“I have a plan—you can stop with the unnecessary internal panic.”_

_“How can I not panic though? How nerve-wracking is it—”_

A knock on the bedroom door broke me from the conversation.

“May I?” Toushirou asked.

“Yeah,” I groaned on accident.

The man was so quick with all this damn attire we had to wear that it made me envious. I was stuck fiddling with the damn obi like it was fucking rocket science.

“I’m ready when you are,” he approached; taking the ends of the obi out of my hands and tying it like it was a walk in the park. He made sure it fit snugly, yet loose enough for my zanpakutou to be situated properly; his fingers sifting between the fabrics and—unbeknownst to him—causing the damn insects to crawl around inside me.

“Nankai will be back around noon—she was adamant about seeing you. It seemed as if it was more on a personal note than a professional one,” he finished with the obi. “Looks like someone’s warming up to you,” he teased; taking my zanpakutou from the dresser I set her atop of and handing her to me.

“She said something weird to me yesterday—I really don’t know how to feel about it,” I said as I affixed Musei no Koe through my obi.

“Oh?”

“She said something that she would’ve only known if she remembered everything between us—look.” I reached into my inner pocket, and took out the picture of the forest she gave me. “She said she _knew_ I like and want to visit a place like this, and that she wanted to take me to see it for my _first_ time. Since I’ve met her in the Seireitei we haven’t even once talked about anything related to that—but we talked about it when we were still captives. I don’t know what to make of it,” I trailed.

“Normally, it’s very rare to remember past memories from pure previous lives, but it by no means is impossible for traces of it to carry over.”

“Yeah—I guess I just don’t know what I’d do if she _did_ remember everything. It’s unnerving,”

He took hold of my shoulders; making my distanced gaze refocus back up to him. “And if she does, _she does._ You’ll be able to overcome it just as you have begun to with everything else. Who knows—perhaps the two of you will have a stronger relationship than before,”

I knew he meant for it to ease me…but…

I smiled up at him, and snuck my arms to curve around him to pull myself up into a quick, gentle kiss.

“Yeah…I guess I'm just overthinking it,” I upturned the corner of my lips.

He looked into me for a moment before tucking away some of my hair. “It _is_ a part of your usual thought-process after all,” he commented with an upturn of his own lips. “Here,” he reached into his inner pocket and took out my wooden hairpiece.

“Thanks,” I took it from him and backed out of his grasp to quickly maneuver my hair.

“I’ll wait for you on the engawa,”

“Be right there,” I said as I turned to the mirror to make sure I wasn’t doing a terrible job.

 _“This Nankai woman,”_ Musei no Koe began.

 _“I’d rather not—thanks.”_ I quickly interjected.

She didn’t have to make a noise or say anything for me to feel it—I just didn’t want to deal with it. The era of Miyuki’s dominance was over, and I intended it to _permanently_ stay that way.

_“You’re about as convincing as addict’s oath to not use his borrowed allotment on narcotics,”_

_“You can hear my thoughts—can’t you?”_

_“Is that an actual question?”_

Fucking Kami.

-x-x-

“Here should be adequate.” Musei no Koe—in current control of my body—said as she landed out of a flash-step.

Toushirou landed behind me, and followed after my zanpakutou as she moved me forward and deeper into the forest. We were in the Rukongai—the district unknown to me—past most of the civilization and at the base of a far-off mountain. She hadn’t said it, but it was almost like she’d been here before; it most certainly wasn’t the area of the tragic event with Mai— _thank Kami_ —but it seemed somewhat familiar in an odd way.

Without warning, she leapt up onto a tree branch and scanned the area. Toushirou leapt up as well to an adjacent branch of another tree; leaning against the trunk of the tree with his arms crossed.

“Good, stay there,” she told him.

She closed my eyes; taking a deep breath as she did, and drew her zanpakutou form from its scabbard.

“Howl,” she whispered.

Instantly we went into Shikai, and at that moment she rose our reiatsu; the feeling of it making me tremble internally at the control. Now that I’d tried to control it myself during the battle two days ago with Koizumi Fumiko, I realized just how hard it was to actually control. I’d been naïve—granted I knew I was in way over my head, but I didn’t think I was _that much_ over. Feeling her use it like this left me in awe; I knew that it wasn’t the extent of what it could be, but how she instructed it was like a conductor at an orchestra—I was like a kami-damned ape bashing at it with a club to bend it to my will.

_“Believe it or not, you weren’t always as savage as you are now,”_

Damn her and her ability to read my thoughts.

_“With the right training, soon we'll be equals,”_

She took a step back toward the trunk, and in a quick moment, I sank back into it—or rather I _phased_ into it. When my body made contact, that familiar presence spread through me like lightening—a powerful, yet gentle force that was warm and enticing enough for me to selfishly crave dominance. My body phased entirely into it; a state of elation enveloping me as our heartbeat synched with it.

I felt movement—on all parts of me. It wasn’t that same enchanting life-force we'd just merged into, but rather pulsations from a thousand other things on almost every part of me.

 _“Those are all the souls residing in this forest,”_ Musei no Koe told me. _“Concentrate; pay attention—do you feel the three of them?”_

Three of them?

I did what she asked; I concentrated on _feeling_ them. But what did that even mean? Three souls? What did she—

_“Here,”_

In an instant, I was able to envision the forest we were in—shades of gold, bronze, chartreuse, and sage depicting every single detail of what was ahead of us. The trees glistening in gold were what I focused on first before scanning around the other shades that outlined and defined the rest of the surroundings.

_“We are currently connected to the life-force of this tree; by its roots, it is able to feel the world around it—every creature over the span of its roots is accounted for. With my ability to command its life force, I am able to utilize this mapping to my advantage; anything that falls within range I am able feel—some I’m able to control. Take this for instance,”_

The tree Toushirou stood on to my right caught my attention as it pulsated, and glistened brighter than anything else.

_“The roots of this one are within our range; since it is a like-entity, I am able to utilize it to further the mapping—do you understand?”_

_“I have questions, but yes. You brought us here so that you can have a range to work with. I don’t understand the purpose of going to this length, however.”_

_“Can you feel them?”_ She continued.

_“The three pulsations? As in, three amongst the thousands I feel everywhere?”_

_“What do you think those are? The pulsations?”_ She continued.

_“I’m going to go with living creatures—final answer.”_

_“For once, you’re right.”_ She answered albeit hesitantly—I had a feeling she didn’t think I’d get it.

_“My guess by looking at this, is other than the gold which represents our range and points of contact, the bronze must be other souls while the greens merely are a backdrop to the area for a full picture.”_

I mean, the biggest give away was Toushirou—when she made the tree he was on a beacon for me, I noticed just how he looked and felt. He was that bronze color; radiating and pulsating just like everything else—his breathing and heartbeat completely catching my attention as it reverberated on my skin. Strangely, I felt closer to him than I ever had like this—maybe it was because I in a sense _‘became’_ the tree? Kami only knows.

 _“We didn’t_ ‘become’ _the tree—you have much to learn.”_

_“Clearly.”_

It was sudden, but it was like the atmosphere changed—an urgency made clear by Musei no Koe's sharp statement.

_“We’re out of time.”_

In an instant, all the pulsations aside from three stopped. Those three…it was like they pounded on my chest—completely making me breathless and light-headed from their intensity. My body moved forward and out of the tree; the three entities gravitating toward me as my translucent body regained solidity. My eyes opened at the screeches of pain—the three animals hovering toward me in complete panic. A fox, a hare, and a raven—that was on the _menu._

That familiar, malevolent reiatsu belonging to The Shinwa coursed through me, and Musei no Koe tapped into it to bring the delectable souls to me. This was the first time I’d been conscious to feel The Shinwa’s power within me—an unsettled, fearful, and sickeningly sweet feeling prickling at me. As they moved closer—squirming and jerking around—the more my heart dropped. I could feel their rapid heartbeats and hear their chocked breaths—Kami, I didn’t want to do this…

 _“We have no choice,”_ She halted the three of them in front of me, and commanded The Shinwa to execute what it wanted most.

Their necks audibly snapped all at once.

All trains of my thoughts stopped—that high-pitched ringing after a gunshot the only noise filling the void that was my mind.

My raised, open hand closed into a fist; all their bones snapping and crumbling inside them while breaking through their skins as their bodies caved in on themselves. The red liquid began oozing from them, and before gravity could seize the first drop, The Shinwa called the liquid forth—draining all of it from the corpses as if sucking the last bit of a Kami-damned soft drink.

As it circulated in a controlled sphere in front of me, Musei no Koe pulled up my left sleeve and readied the blade in my right band. In a swift motion, she ran the inside of my forearm against it—blood immediately oozing from the deep gash as my pain receptors sounded off. She turned back to frontal face before extending my arm out toward it. Immediately, she commanded it into me in a swirled river from the pool of it—the entry of the liquid into me extremely noticeable and all around uncomfortable.

Once all of it was in, she took some of the residual blood from the wound on my opposite forefinger, and brought it to my wrist to write the kanji symbol for dominance of the silent giant we stood on. With a simple motion of my right hand, a deep root of the tree we stood on rose to the surface—the earth quaking at the movement enough to scare all the remaining animals away. Once the root lifted out of the dirt just enough, Musei no Koe brought the corpses into the dirt beneath the uplifted root, and when they were secured, she returned the root to its origin. After using The Shinwa to make the landscape appear as if nothing had happened, she quickly healed my self-inflicted wound before letting The Shinwa's power slip into a shortened dormant state.

She looked to Toushirou as she dropped her Shikai—his aquamarine eyes firm, yet painted in a  type of solemn that just made me feel so much worse about the entire situation.

“Each day, we will come here to provide sustenance to The Shinwa. With the trees placed here, I can easily find prey in the same fashion you witnessed. It will be clean, and time efficient if we continue this way.” She told him.

“And so it is a matter of _daily_ consumption? Is it generally three souls?” He questioned.

“Unfortunately it is. There is a cycle to The Shinwa that I have yet to truly understand the meaning behind. Akinoyo may have known it in the past, however at the moment it is still a mystery. The amount of souls the Shinwa feeds on per day varies—it could be as little as one, or as many as ten. On days it is utilized, the next is generally a minimum of three souls—hence my choices today.” She explained.

 “Yesterday you warned us that time is limited because of The Shinwa's wake—care to explain that a bit further?”

“Our time has shortened to one month. If Akinoyo doesn’t regain her full strength and abilities sooner than that—the chances of all of you perishing become almost inevitable.”

Good Kami.

“Why? What is going to happen in a month?” He pressed.

“The Shinwa continuously grows within her—becoming more powerful each day as we do. While we have maintained control over it by providing it sustenance in exchange for salvaging the lives of others and power, there are times where the miniscule daily sustenance isn't enough. While The Shinwa is active, once a month it tries to take full control over her—there’s only so much we can do to stifle it.” She completely faced him—a grave tone taking over her next words.

“In one month's time, it will try to take command; if no action is taken, everyone within a 10 kilometer radius will die. However, this is _only_ the result without Akinoyo's strength paired with my own to stop it.”

Toushirou's eyes flicked to where the root uplifted below in thought—the news no doubt affecting him, but not nearly as much as it affected me. Once a month, this stupid fucking thing inside me tries to kill _everything_? Dear Kami—just what in the fuck have you created?

“You said yesterday if you didn’t feed it, the same radius would be affected—are you implying that is the result of skipping the daily sustenance?”

“I wish it were not—but that is correct. As long as we are able to provide it sustenance, then there shouldn’t be any issues. The Shinwa has been completely sealed off for the last 8 years, and on this cycle for the prior 57 years—as long as tampering with it ceases _as promised_ , we shouldn’t run into any issues. The only thing standing in our way now is Akinoyo's lack of power—if we can get that under control, then all we have to worry about is the Organization rather than The Shinwa on top of the slate.” Musei no Koe hopped down from the branch—Toushirou following suit. “Is there anything else you need to say before I let her take the reigns?”

“Koizumi Fumiko,” Toushirou began; Musei no Koe’s interest perked. “Akinoyo reacted due to what she sensed from Koizumi—a reiatsu that seemed _familiar_ to her with implications of deleterious intent. You soon after told her Koizumi wasn’t a person she would preferably keep in her presence—what is the meaning behind your words?”

Took the words right outta my mouth. I hadn’t gotten around to asking her since everything blew up in my face—thank Kami he was able to ask her for me.

“Her reiatsu was similar to The Shinwa's. Based off that—and based off Akinoyo's previous hatred for all things associated with the flower—Akinoyo would have taken her life immediately.”

“So you’re saying that Kurotsuchi's results were correct in the similarities between Koizumi and Akinoyo? The same biological make up—two Shinwa?” he questioned.

“If not more,” she answered—continuing before Toushirou could. “Is what I would _assume_ ; I have as much resource as you do to go off of. What we do know however, is that originally Akinoyo volunteered as a research subject for The Shinwa—who could say she was the only subject?”

Well…shit.

“A valid point,” Toushirou stepped closer to me; clear disapproval of the situation etched in his facial expression. “I’d like to schedule a meeting today to go over all the new information, and to discuss more if there is any—would you be willing to participate?”

“I don’t really have a choice in the matter at this rate. With the organization on our heels and The Shinwa active—it’s only a matter or time before chaos ensues. While we had a good leverage on The Shinwa before, the tide has changed, and we're running out of time. The sooner you Shinigami are up to speed, and the sooner that she regains her strength—the better. I’ll surface for your meeting, Hitsugaya; until then,”

In a blink, I was back.

My eyes immediately zeroed in on the spot where Musei no Koe had buried the three corpses, and I wordlessly moved to look over their barely noticeable grave. They didn’t deserve what I had to do to them—they were innocent creatures that were selfishly sacrificed for the greater good. Their screeching replayed in my head as the heaviness of my heart plummeted further down—I feared the day that I regain control to execute them myself.

Leaves rustled in Toushirou's approach; his arms curving around me and pulling me into him—a mind reader. I reached up to his forearms over my chest; gripping them firmly to keep myself in check.

“I-I don’t even have a single flower for them,” I muttered just at coherence.

He nuzzled against me—the gesture in such high demand at that moment that I couldn’t be more grateful—and pulled me in tightly. His reiatsu rose suddenly; the already cold atmosphere dropping noticeably at his quick action. Before I could say anything, his hands that had crossed over my chest to keep hold of me withdrew; coaxing my hands to be brought forward in front of me.

He put his hands over mine to bring them together—my fingers curled inward as my palms touched to form an empty cradle—and he placed one hand above, and one beneath my hands. My warmed hands grew cold, and I nearly jerked when I felt something forming in my hands.

“I wanted to give _you_ this first, but it seems that it can’t be helped,”

He moved his hands away and to my wrists so I could see—a flower of ice now rested in my palms.

My change in breathing from shock caused a low chuckle to rumble in his chest—a quick kiss on my cheek after he did. “Go ahead,”

He withdrew himself from me, and after another moment of letting the intricate, glass-like sculpture captivate me, I did what needed to be done. I took a knee, and placed the flower sculpture over the grave; quickly clapping together my hands in a single clap, and bowing my head in apology.

I took a deep breath with closed eyes—this was something I was going to have to get used to. I had to understand, and accept the thought as much as I didn’t want to—the sooner I could, the better.

I opened my eyes and looked up at Toushirou; he extended his hand for me to take. I took it, and surfaced up to take hold of as much of him as I could.


	32. Chapter 32

"Any questions?" Musei no Koe asked our audience of Taichou and Fukutaichou at the end of explaining everything to them. She was so damn confident—I wanted to just shrivel being in their presence.

"Of course we have questions," Hirako-Taichou stepped forward with that almost sarcastic skepticism. "According to the report I heard and based on what you've told us, The Shinwa can do more than just heal people; it is able to maneuver objects—and lifeforms—when it sees fit. You also were able to utilize that power yourself in order to provide it a sacrificial offering—meaning that just drawing things to it is just the tip of the iceberg since you were able to manipulate all the bones 'n shit inside those animals. The beakers and other objects in Kurotsuchi's lab were also able to be reformed—implying that it isn't just organic, living things that can be manipulated. Just what powers does this thing have that you really know of?"

"Other than those, I wasn't allowed to delve further into The Shinwa's abilities—my wielder forbade me from any utilization. I went against her to learn about its healing properties in the event of desperation, but other than that, I respected her wishes." Musei no Koe answered.

"Koizumi Fumiko," Kuchiki-Taichou began next. "She had the ability to manipulate time within a certain radius along with creating her own army of independent soldiers—are you able to do this as well?"

"Possibly—it is as unknown to me as it is to you. There is no doubt of Koizumi Fumiko's utilization of The Shinwa's power during our bout, however, it would be unwise to dismiss it as the power of The Shinwa rather than her zanpakutou's ability. Perhaps The Shinwa enhanced it, or perhaps it didn't," Musei no Koe replied.

"Let's delve further into your memories, Musei no Koe," Komamura-Taichou began. "The other abducted Shinigami—did Kiteyama Akinoyo imply any form of a plan with them? With the fact that all of them  _'escaped'_  and joined the Gotei 13, it seems as if the 13 of them were attempting to execute some sort of coup d'etat."

"Let me respond with a question—are you implying my wielder's entry into the Gotei 13 was under the pretense of seizing control of the Soul Society?" Musei no Koe boldly asked with a threatening aura about her.

" _We're trying to get everyone to_ like  _us, you dolt! Tone it down before you get us into even deeper shit with the Taichous than we already are!"_ I practically snarled.

"That is not what I am implying of  _her_  prior actions specifically; moreover the possibility of an attempted purge." He replied.

"Unfortunately I do not know—on the night my wielder and I were reunited was when I was able to absorb what was happening on the outside. I had, and still have no access to her memories during her initial seven month entrapment. When I regained our connection, she was running to retrieve her adopted sister Kiteyama Mai—as I explained. Soon after her death, she answered the main questions in regard to what happened: they implanted The Shinwa within her, it requires sustenance, and it is an abomination. Aside from learning partial control of it due to the unavoidable, she forbade me from intruding, or listening in on her thoughts. She emphasized that the less I knew the better, and out of respect for her, I abided by it. Any information regarding the other  _abducted_ Shinigami is unknown to me as it is to you—next question." She crossed my arms.

"Musei no Koe," Hirako-Taichou began again. "You explained that your plan is to rebuild your wielder's control over her strength and abilities, but it seems almost useless—it took the two of you over 50 years to get a grip on The Shinwa, yet you're trying to accomplish that feat within one month's time?" he questioned.

"What happens if your control slips during the process, or you are unable to prevail in this irrational time-span? The Seireitei then suffers the consequences for your lack of discipline?" Soi Fon-Taichou added.

"The month deadline is  _unavoidable._  With what I know now, it will be far less difficult to bring her up to speed, but it will still be a challenge nevertheless. When the day comes, my plan is to disappear into the mountains of the Rukongai in case we are unable to prevail—" Musei No Koe replied.

"That leaves you open for abduction—you can't be serious!" Murugama-Taichou interrupted.

"Unless you're all open to dying prematurely, there  _is_ no alternative." She shot back.

"They seemed to have easily abducted you five years ago—what would be the difference now? Not to mention the fact that you've been dormant for five years—"

"The difference now, Soi Fon-Taichou, is that The Shinwa is  _active_ this time—five years ago we relied on our strength alone, with The Shinwa under our control—"

"Here's the part I've been waiting for; you've said multiple times that three years before your capture you were able to seal The Shinwa away—no access to its power, and the need for sustenance stifled. If that is the case, why wouldn't we just seal it now to avoid the senseless slaughters?" Kurotsuchi-Taichou interjected.

"Because I am not the one who sealed it—it is as simple as that."

"If you and Kiteyama Akinoyo aren't the ones who sealed it—"

"The man partially responsible for this plague we're currently dealing with did—Oshirou Hiroshi."

A wave of silence fell upon the entire room with this additional tidbit of news Musei no Koe just dropped. After about five seconds of letting the room process, she continued.

"Eight years ago, we were approached within the Seireitei by a man I'd never seen before. Upon my wielder viewing him, instantly her demeanor changed—her demeanor heavy as it was during the first few years of dealing with The Shinwa. With a single glance from him, she understood to follow him inconspicuously—to which she did. She walked toward him—seemingly as if she were just passing by—and took a folded piece of paper from him mid-stride with a simple brush against him. Several hours later after her daily Squad duties were complete, she opened the note—a location of where to meet and when scribbled on the paper. That evening she met the man in District 17 of the Rukongai; a short, yet important conversation changing everything."

"He began the conversation by offering aid in regard to The Shinwa—saying that after several years of research, he developed a way stifle it completely. He told her that his time was limited, and at the very least he wanted to perform the procedure before the organization caught wind. Settling on his brevity, she took the offer even without pressing for information as she originally intended. He proceeded with it, assuring they would reconvene at a later time to inform her of the current status of the organization. Before the procedure, he gave her a small journal in the event of his plans going awry. The man was fearful of the unknown, entrusting her with that journal as if his life depended on it. He was supposed to contact her in the same fashion, but never again surfaced—his fears more than likely coming to fruition." She explained.

Well. I didn't see that one coming.

"How? How was he able to seal it away?" Hirako-Taichou stepped forward.

"He began by having my wielder activate The Shinwa. Once it was active, he chanted words of a foreign language, and summoned his own reiatsu to combat The Shinwa's. Once he did that, in a blink, my wielder and I were on the floor—unconscious. Once we woke, he was gone—nothing left behind aside from his journal."

"Kurotsuchi, how much longer until the journal is deciphered?" Toushirou stepped forward.

"No." Musei no Koe interjected—earning very appalled expressions from several in the room.

"What do ya mean ' _no?'_ That damn thing needs to be stopped!" Hirako-Taichou stomped forward.

"I know it does, however—"

"However  _what,_ zanpakutou? Are you endorsing sacrificing innocent souls to satisfy your lust for power? What could you—"

"Hold on, Kurotsuchi-Taichou—let her finish." The Soutaichou rose his hand in a soft, calm gesture to stifle the Taichou. Musei no Koe nodded at the Soutaichou in thanks, and the man nodded back for her to continue.

"I agree that The Shinwa needs to be stopped, it needs to be sealed again so as not to cause unnecessary slaughter of the innocent, however, it would be unwise to do so  _right_ now. Koizumi Fumiko was sent by the organization for our capture—one of the 13 abductees. Within her—as proven twice—was another Shinwa. The difference between her Shinwa and the one within us were different—when my wielder sustains injury, The Shinwa has the ability to cure her to the point of heavy exhaustion. Not once with Koizumi Fumiko did I see any of The Shinwa's healing properties utilized—leaving me at two conclusions. 1—Each Shinwa possess different abilities, or 2—Koizumi Fumiko's Shinwa was not as powerful as our own."

"With the help of the Gotei 13, we were able to escape with minimal damage—the mistress of luck on our side for the event. However, who is to say the Organization will not send the other 11 after us? If they all possess Shinwa—the battle would end in our demise. I cannot guarantee any of this, however, I speculate that the organization's purpose in collecting and implanting Shinwa must be for the sole purpose of overthrowing the Soul Society and World of the Living as we know it. With that being said, we need all the strength we can get. With our possession of The Shinwa, we can fight fire with fire, and perhaps end all of this madness quickly. Wouldn't you agree?"

The room was silent after Musei no Koe's explanation—a grim atmosphere engulfing everyone.

A grunt came from a rather large, muscular Taichou that honest to Kami scared me—I wouldn't want to catch him in a dark alley on a bad night. "Sounds like you're saying we're a bunch of weaklings—ne, zanpakutou? You're actin' like this wuss of a flower has enough strength to wipe us all out, but I say you're lying. You don't even know it's power aside from feeding it—all you do is fend it off half-assed. Now with what you've said about that other woman—The Shinwa is nothing but a stupid weed. Before I bend to a  _weakling's_  demands, I'm gonna need better proof than just your word," he reached up to the hilt of his zanpakutou—initiate my internal panic attack. "Why don't we put it to the test, zanpakutou? Why don't you show me you're not full of it?" Zaraki-Taichou grinned.

"Zaraki, the witness of The Shinwa's power by myself and Kurotsuchi warrants her words whether you personally agree with it or not—your un—"

"Save it!" Zaraki-Taichou brushed him off. "Neither of you actually  _fought_ it, so I can't take your word on how  _powerful_ it is. Aside from that the two of you—"

"Yes, yes, that's enough, Zaraki-Taichou. I would much rather—"

"Three days." Musei no Koe cut off the Soutaichou—making me internally die—earning stunned silence from the entire room.

"It seems the lot of you are unconvinced—I'd be more than willing to enlighten those of you that haven't absorbed my words through my very thorough explanation. It's insulting really—the thought of you simpletons believing that you could possibly conquer The Shinwa with strength alone. What would a demonstration with the strong, eager Zaraki-Taichou hurt? The Shinwa awakened only yesterday, and already it's power has restored rapidly—give it three days, and I will be able to maneuver it to my current full potential. However, I will remind you; I will only have  _partial_ control of it—The Shinwa's full capabilities are still unknown to me, however in three days time, I will silence all doubt by displaying a fraction of its power. Objections?"

"None!" Zaraki-Taichou practically licked his lips.

"Yes, I object," Toushirou cut in through the celebratory spirit Zaraki-Taichou and his Fukutaichou were now in. "You said it yourself—Kiteyama is not ready for  _any_ battle whether it's against an enemy or sparring. It would be unwise to—"

"What better way to kick start her training, Hitsugaya-Taichou? I have as little as a month to bring her back to her full potential; I will be the one at the helm for our battle with Zaraki-Taichou—my wielder will observe and become all the wiser,"

"I like your style, Musei no Koe," Shihouin smirked; crossing her arms and turning to the Soutaichou. "She's right—all of us need to witness just what it is we're dealing with before our enemy decides to make a move. It's a wonderful idea—wouldn't you say, Soutaichou?"

All eyes zeroed in on the one-eyed Soutaichou; a small grin surfacing on his lips. "If both parties consent—I have no issue with it," he shrugged. "I have been wanting to see just what it is we're dealing with—it is a great opportunity."

Musei no Koe let a grin escape before turning to face the Soutaichou—a small bow of acknowledgment before she spoke. "You have my gratitude—is there any more you need from me at the moment?"

"No, that about sums it up for now—please follow through with your plan, and inform Hitsugaya-Taichou of your progress." He replied almost light-heartedly.

"Hai, you have my word," she responded. Her eyes set on Zaraki-Taichou, and she spoke to him next. "Three days—you have my word on my pride as a zanpakutou."

"Prepare your coffin, zanpakutou," the man grinned with his challenging words.

"Words expected from a ruffian-natured man such as yourself—I'll make sure to remember that as I smear your face in the dirt," she smirked.

" _Kami-fucking-damnit! What the fuck are you doing?"_ I screeched.

"Until next time," she bowed.

Once she rose me back up from the bow, I was back at the helm—everyone staring at me like I was the biggest fucking ass they'd ever seen. Immediately I did the only thing I could do to remedy the situation—I brought my hands together and bowed.

"My sincerest apologies for my zanpakutou's condescending and blunt nature!"

" _My condescending and blunt nature? There is no need—"_

" _I've heard enough from you today—shut it!"_ I barked back internally.

A chuckle from the Soutaichou had my eyes crack open like a fucking mummy's sarcophagus.

"I'd say she was quite the entertaining one," he replied.

"She seems like she'd be a fun drinking partner—"

"Matsumoto," Toushirou growled at his grinning Fukutaichou.

"Anything else anyone would like to add?" The Soutaichou prompted—silence.

"Meeting adjourned."

-x-x-

"So I was thinking," Rangiku began as the three of us entered into Toushirou's office. "I think it would be a good day today for a little R&R."

I sat down on the couch slowly rather than plopping down as I usually did—my attention directed at the strawberry blonde about to insinuate a pouting fit when her Taichou rejected her idea immediately.

"No. There's too much going on right now for a day off—you should already know that." He half-heartedly dejected as he sat down at his desk.

"Don't you think you're being a bit harsh, Taichou?" Lo and behold.

While listening to these type of arguments between them generally brightened my mood; I just couldn't pay attention. With the outcome of the meeting and the extremities I was now forced to face, the weight from it all felt like a skyscraper fell directly on top of me.

Not only did I have a deadline that I felt was tied around my neck and ready to just pull me over a tree branch until I choked and died, I also had to fight someone completely above and beyond my league to prove myself. Damn her and that snarky confidence of hers…I had pride once, but damn, I knew when to say when.

" _You needn't worry about our upcoming bout with Zaraki or mock my decision—I for one know just what we are capable of."_

While I knew she was right, I just couldn't escape the hesitance and all-around fear of facing him. It was unfortunate, but I agreed to trust her—much to my dismay.

" _If you say so,"_ I mustered.

She didn't respond, and with the silence I fell back into the trance of my own inner ramblings of just how in the Hell I was going to deal with all of this. The low muttered blur of Toushirou and Rangiku's bickering finally sizzled down to a complete stop, and after a few minutes of just complete silence, I negotiated a tobacco break, in which Toushirou allowed, saying he would accompany me shortly.

I watched the branches of the leafless tree ahead of me rattle against one another as the wind sifted through, the motion they made a visual representation of how I was inside—nerve-wracked and fragile. I focused so intently that I barely heard the footsteps approaching.

"So," Rangiku's voice surprised me as she gracefully sat down next to me. "You've got quite the catch there, Akinoyo-chan!"

I looked over at her cute, almost cat-like face as she smiled that innocent, yet border-line gush-like smile.

"What?" I questioned.

"Taichou." She responded.

Oh. Ensue the blush.

"I'm really happy for the two of you! I feel like now more than ever the two of you need each other—you  _have_ to tell me just how everything went down! Don't leave out any details!"

Okay screw the blush, my face was straight up almost entirely red—I could feel it through the heat in my cheeks.

I peered around to see if anyone was around, and internally cursed that there wasn't—I wasn't good with this sort of thing at all. Even though there wasn't anyone, I still had to give it a shot.

"I don't think here's a good place—"

"Oh, nonsense! There's no one out here—it's safe to talk," she cut in with that devilish giddiness of hers. "Let's focus on the good, and get our minds off all this. Trust me, it's good to take a breather from that kind of stuff—if only Taichou would let us have drinks, then we could  _truly_ take five,"

Kami, beer  _did_ sound amazing. But I guess she was right—I did need to calm down and get my mind off everything before I trigger myself into a breakdown.

"I don't really know where to start…he's the only male that's ever been this kind to me—I guess I kinda just starting falling for that Prince Charming aura his. With everything going on, the type of support he provided me was…what I needed _."_  I shyly explained.

"His  _type of support_? Oooh, this is good! What kind of support? What would he do?" She pressed.

She reminded me of a teenage girl—it made me laugh that she had the type of personality that purred with this sort of thing, yet was able to flip herself so quickly into that epitome of woman she displayed most of the time—it was cute. I felt like I only really had two modes—sarcastic asshole, or crybaby. It'd be nice to have half the personality and mannerisms she had.

"Uh," I drew out.

"Quit beating around the bush!"

"Okay, okay!" I took another drag. "Well, I guess it just started off with him being acceptant of me with this new type of personality and traits that I've developed; I've only ever expressed emotion with one other person, and was honestly scared to do so with anyone else. I'm afraid of showing weakness, yet he welcomes it so that I can be comfortable. Anything I feel like opening up about, he'd welcome me with open arms. Any time I can't handle something—which these days is a lot—he was there to help me through it. It's a little embarrassing on my end, but he continually assures me that it's okay to be this way. It's the fact that he's so warm toward me that I developed feelings for him—I can tell that he's normally a cold person based on what you described, but he hasn't once acted that way toward me. I guess it just makes me feel… _special_ for lack of a better word." I explained before another uncomfortable drag.

"It's true—I haven't seen him act like this in years. You  _are_ special to him, and it makes me happy that the Taichou I've known for such a long time has once again been able to open up to someone," she smiled.

Her words threw me off. What did she mean?

"What do you mean  _again?"_ I questioned—now it was my turn to press. "Was there someone before me that he was close to?"

For some reason it just didn't sit well with me…was this what jealously was?

"He hasn't told you?" Her facial expression changed—empowering this new emotion I felt.

"Told me what?" I asked.

She leaned back and held herself up by her palms behind her—I had a feeling I wasn't going to like where this was going.

"I'll let him fill you in on the details—as much as I love to gossip, Taichou is too important to me to go spilling out something as deep as his personal life."

Well that made me feel better.

"I'm sure he'll tell you in time—there isn't anything to worry about, Akinoyo-chan," she attempted to coo—unluckily for me, it wasn't something that could be quieted as simply as that. "The past is unimportant—it's the now, and the future that is the most important, and right now it looks to me that it's you," she turned her head to smile at me. "The bottom line is that I'm happy for the two of you, and I believe that right now, the two of you need each other more than ever. Before you got here, things were different. I was fearful of how he'd become, and I was trying to do all in my power as not only his Fukutaichou, but as his friend to stop him from submerging deeper into it. Now with you here—even though everything is difficult for everyone—you've given him the chance to change. You've given him—"

The sound of the shouji opening cut off her words—causing my spine to stiffen from the conversation we shouldn't have even been having.

"Taichou!" Rangiku greeted.

I turned to look up at him behind us—his expression formal as it always was while we were at his Squad's operational building, yet I couldn't help but feel like there was more behind it. He looked at me for a moment before coming closer, and I turned back to frontal face toward the beautifully slumbering winter garden ahead of us.

"It's almost noon," he said as he stood behind me and leaned against the wall next to us. "I told Nankai earlier today that we would reconvene for your check-up at noon—we get going." He told me.

I nodded, and took another drag. Rangiku excused herself, and just as soon as she did, I ashed out my kiseru to prepare for our own departure. He held his hand out to me, and when I took it, he pulled me into an embrace.

I soaked him in, trying my utmost to stamp out that lingering feeling from Rangiku and I's conversation—that warmth of his combatting the cold wind caressing us.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

Kami, how in the Hell was I lucky enough?

I nodded into him, taking a deep breath and nuzzling myself against him.

"Yeah…I'm okay," I replied.

He pulled back to look at me—my face probably as unconvincing as my words.

"You're sure?" he questioned—I couldn't meet his gaze without giving myself away. I had to think of something—

On cue, a growl of my stomach intruded—a blush of embarrassment accompanied afterward.

"Just hungry if you couldn't tell," I attempted sheepishly. At least it got me out of bringing up anything inappropriate.

"We'll have lunch after the visit with Nankai," he tucked a stray hair behind my ear as he spoke. "Can you hold off until then?"

"Y-Yep!" I answered quickly.

Please let him take it as embarrassment rather than a subject change…

"All right," he released me and turned. "Let's get going then,"

"Sounds good," I followed him back into the building.

I strode behind him, staring at that Kanji on his haori that he proudly wore in thought. Before he stepped into my life, Miyuki had been  _my_ entire world. I'd been too wrapped up with the situation at hand, and letting him console me without even once diving into his own world.

Was there someone before me that was  _his_  world?


	33. Chapter 33

"I'll be on the engawa when you're through," Toushirou told me; that firm, Taichou aura of his in full effect due to her presence—especially while she was here in his house.

I nodded to provide him confirmation, and he promptly exited the room—leaving Miyuki and I behind.

"How are you feeling?" she asked as I sat down on the mattress and she rustled through her medical bag.

I shrugged as she approached. "Fine I guess,"

She had a small flashlight in her hand, and she turned it on before instructing me with her other raised hand. "Look here, okay?" she pointed at her empty, risen hand.

She flashed the light into my eye; the damn light enough to make me wince a few times as it normally did. I caught her smile out of my periphery from my wince, and she let out a small, soft giggle as she always did. Soon enough she stopped, moving on with the inspection as she normally would.

"Kotetsu-Taichou didn't inform me exactly of what happened, but she told me that she wanted to make sure you were in the peak health Abarai-Taichou assured you were in. You look healthy, but even I am skeptical of how quickly you were able to heal—I can't say I haven't been worried about you," she explained, finishing and reaching down into her bag. "You can go ahead and disrobe,"

I did as instructed, making sure to take off even my corset so that she wouldn't make a fuss over it. Something about her today made me slightly on edge to disrobe. Clearly she'd seen all of me before, but I…I guess I wasn't sure if it was our last encounter, or just her aura in general—it was different. Her mannerisms were the same, but…something was just off.

Maybe that chance of her remembering everything made me hesitant? Maybe I just didn't want her to know what happened to me after she passed, and  _because_ of her passing? Kami only knows the true answer to it, but it didn't change the fact of my sudden discomfort in her presence. Regardless, it was unfair to her for me to show that discomfort, so I had to do my best to stifle it.

She turned back around with her stethoscope now around her neck and dangling; zeroing in on me as she normally did with her checkups. Her warm, delicate fingertips grazed over my torso—I did my best not to quiver at the touch as she pressed against me. She continued pressing around—seemingly checking for any abnormalities hidden beneath the skin. She took hold of my shoulder and gently coaxed me to turn so she could have a better look.

"Amazing," she commented on the inspection. "Not even a scar remains," she muttered to herself.

She pulled back, and took the rounded metal part of her stethoscope to her palm; warming up the cold metal before pressing it against my bare skin. She dropped it for a moment to secure the device properly in her ears, and then looked up at me for permission. A slight movement of my head for her permission, and she went in—commencing my forced deep breathing. She placed the metal in several spots, then reached under my arm to place it on my back.

She leaned incredibly close to me; her head mere inches away from my own at a mere 22:00—I averted my eyes to my right as some of her brown locks fell from her shoulder to brush against my collarbone.

"Mellifluous," she muttered.

My eyebrows furrowed—not only from the confusion, but from how close I didn't realize she'd gotten to my ear.

"The sound of a heartbeat—it's comfort in rhythmic patterns, no?" She asked rhetorically—leave it to me to answer anyway for nostalgia's sake.

"I agree," I muttered, my vocal chords straining from the emotion.

"It must be nice," she continued; withdrawing the device from my back to place it over my heart.

Now since I'd been in and out of the hospital since I've come to the Seireitei, I'd been examined all over the place—sometimes uncomfortably like with Kurotsuchi yesterday, but most of the time I knew the drill.

She…wasn't sticking to the drill.

Her whole palm pressed over my heart—the metal hearing device at the center. Okay, yes, it was most definitely weird and nerve-wracking how the tips of her fingers rested against my curve of my collarbone, but it didn't compare in the least...

Her forehead now rested against my own; her closed eyes and gentle smile completely unfazed in comparison to my completely dumbstruck facial expression. She'd never done this to me before—just what in the Hell—

"To have this all the time—to console the lonely nights," she opened her eyes, and looked directly into mine for an excruciatingly long moment before closing her eyes in a cute grin. "A dream, wouldn't you say?" she giggled.

My lips felt like numb, lifeless flaps of skin on my face. I didn't know how to react or what to say—it was like the only thing I could do was feel my heart thumping in my chest, and hear her somewhat seductive words through my ears.

All that went through my head were the old times between her and I; all the  _lonely_ nights we would soothe one another with just each others presence until the exhaustion dragged us to sleep. She would be as close to me as she was now—if not closer—and she would hold me; caress me for comfort. I'd take in her scent—the same one she still possessed—and just bask in her.

Back then I…back then all I could think about was how much I…

I had to stop this.

She wasn't my Queen anymore—she wasn't my world anymore.

She was dead— _the woman I loved was dead._

Dear Kami—what was I doing?

"N-Nankai," I rose my hands to take hold of her shoulders, but right before I did, she backed away from me and resumed her proper posture.

"Everything looks great, Kiteyama-san!" she smiled, taking the instrument out of her ears and turning back to her medical bag to put them away. "Whatever it was that happened is simply amazing to have healed you to this point. I thought at the very least you would still have some stitches under your skin, but it took those out as well. Quite spectacular, really,"

She clasped her medical bag shut, and turned to look at me again. "You can go ahead and dress—the examination is—"

"What was that?" I accidently snapped harsher than I'd intended.

She stopped mid-movement toward the door at my question. Seeing her facial expression morph so quickly made me almost regret saying anything at all—she reminded me of cornered prey.

"I-I'm sorry?" she questioned back.

"Everything, Nankai."

She didn't say anything at first—confusion perhaps halting her immediate answer. She stared into me with an unknown glaze—was I being too harsh? She relaxed into proper posture, and turned to fully face me.

"I've been concerned about you, Kiteyama-san. I respect my orders and adhere to them, but for some reason," she fidgeted and broke eye contact. "You…worry me more than the others," she hesitated; nervously taking hold of her left forearm with her free hand to smother out her anxiousness.

Her words struck me. At first I was mean to her, and then after that I became—and still am somewhat—cold to her, yet she worries about me above the rest? I didn't understand.

"Why?" I prompted in a lighter tone this time.

"I…I don't really know why." She answered.

After a few moments of silence and intense thought-process, I started re-dressing. Dismissing it sounded far better at this point than endorsing unnecessary drama in my already dramatic life.

She just stared at me as I dressed, and when I got to the final tie of my obi, she squeaked up.

"I-I…hope I haven't insulted you?" she cautiously sounded.

I finished tying my obi and looked up to her—those damn eyes of hers glazed with regret and a bit of anguish making me just feel terrible.

"No, you haven't, Nankai," I began, taking hold of my zanpakutou to secure her at the small of my back. "I find it odd that you would have any sort of attachment to me when I'm not the jolliest person out there. If anything, I've just been rude to you unnecessarily—your worry seems a bit misplaced. However, you have a right as an intelligent life form to feel however you want to feel—to do whatever it is you want to do."

Maybe what I was about to do wasn't right, but it seemed like the less hurtful option to her than it was to me. And while I was skeptical, I had to remember Toushirou's words of optimism—maybe we could have a better relationship  _as a friendship_ than we had before. I needed friends, and while she was going to be difficult, maybe it would be for the best.

"Forget about what happened, Nankai," I walked to the shouji door; her worried eyes on me as I strutted. "I'd still like to go to that getaway with you this summer if you'll have me," I smiled.

Kami, this just sounded so out of character of me. But I guess if it was to keep the peace, and if it was to keep her at ease—as much as I didn't want to admit it—I'd have to grit my teeth and deal.

Her soft face brightened up like I'd just given a kid some candy, and she nodded as she replied. "I would like that!"

While the following analogy met criteria quite literally, I would have to follow it in one aspect in particularly: If you see a ghost—ignore it. Pretend it isn't there, and upon the lack of attention, it's efforts should cease and be deemed ineffective. Whatever it was that happened back there I was going to ignore and evade nonchalantly at all costs. Foolproof?

" _Not when you're on_ your _tier of fool,"_ Musei no Koe just had to chime in.

I opened up the shouji, and motioned her out as she spoke lightly about the summer retreat. I smiled and feigned attention to be polite while my mind went rampant.

Musei no Koe didn't understand, and would  _never_ understand. While my decision was skeptical and hasty, it was the best one I could muster given the prior and current situation.

"Okay, Kiteyama-san, I'll see you soon!" she grinned, taking grip of her medical bag with both hands and turning to face me.

"Akinoyo," I smiled.

"Miyuki," she returned the smile with a blush tinting her cheeks and a stifled giggle.

"See ya," I nodded as I shut the door.

"Bye!"

Immediately upon shutting the door, I exhaled the pent up emotion in hopes of eradicating it entirely before meeting Toushirou. It was enough for him to deal with everything else going on with me—he didn't  _need_ to know what happened to just stress additionally.

I refocused with clenched fists, took a deep breath, and turned abruptly toward the direction of the engawa.

" _Don't you think you're being a bit too irrational?"_ Musei no Koe just  _had_ to press my buttons.

" _What's irrational about It? Yes it was weird, but it isn't like she tried to actually_ do  _anything. She just has a weird as shit way of expressing herself apparently."_ I replied with strained effort of restraining my frustration.

" _As you see fit,"_ she began as I passed the threshold and into the garden viewing room that lead to the engawa.

As soon as I entered the room, an unfamiliar voice caught me by surprise; my surprise only beckoning more curiosity when a giggle from the unfamiliar reached my ears.

" _You Shinigami think you know everything,"_ she spoke as I continued. As soon as I placed my hand on the shouji handle, her parting words had me halt.  _"However, it isn't until the situation is threatening to_ you,  _that you lot actually learn."_

I shook my head, and opened the door as calmly as possible.

Both heads turned from their seated position to look up at me; the first of course the white-haired male I loved, and the second of a beautiful, yet simplistic brunette I'd set my eyes on only once before.

"Ah, Kiteyama-san!" she rose immediately; Toushirou in tow.

"Kiteyama, this is Hinamori Momo, Fukutaichou of Squad 5," Toushirou introduced—she bowed her head in quick formality as he continued. "She didn't get a chance to meet you at the meeting earlier, and wanted to formally introduce herself." He concluded.

"O-Oh," I looked at her and approached. "That's very kind of you, Hinamori-Fukutaichou—it's a pleasure to meet you," I bowed in respect. "Feel free to call me Akinoyo."

"No, no, the pleasure's mine to meet you! I just wish I'd have come sooner—now knowing the situation in its entirety, I feel terrible I haven't once extended a hand to aid you," she sheepishly admitted.

"No worries at all; I've been well taken care of by Hitsugaya-Taichou and Matsumoto-Fukutaichou. I do appreciate your kindness however, if there's anything I can do for  _you_ once this is all over, please don't hesitate to let me know." I did my best to smile.

"That's good to hear! Shirou-chan—I mean  _Hitsugaya-Taichou—_ has always extended a hand to help others as best he can. You've got the best man on the job!" she giggled.

_Shirou-chan?_

My eyes flickered to Toushirou whose expression wasn't slight embarrassment or frustration as I thought it'd be. It was more like…

"Absolutely! He and Matsumoto-Fukutaichou are the best after all!" I added extra gusto to my response to hopefully get a better rise out of him. I couldn't really tell too much out of my periphery unfortunately—it was going to have to wait until she left for debate.

"I like your spirit, Akinoyo-san—it's such a good thing to keep your spirits up during times like these," she commented at my almost brash reply—I accepted the slight embarrassment.

"Thanks—I do my best,"

I couldn't help the quick flicker to Toushirou—if it wasn't for him, I more than likely wouldn't be trying at all.

"All right, I should get going—thanks for taking a quick moment to meet me! I'll see the two of you around hopefully more often," she smiled softly up at Toushirou.

"Sounds great," I replied, even though I felt like the comment was for him and my inclusion was just for formality's sake.

"Take care please, Hinamori," he replied, meeting her gaze.

"Hai, hai," she turned to me and quickly bowed. "Take care,"

She quickly vanished in a flash step, and I just stared at the spot she previously occupied.

She seemed nice enough, but for some reason I…

I looked at Toushirou, who already looked directly at me. That look in his eyes solidified my feelings.

She was someone of importance to him.

Hurt?

"How did it go with Nankai?" he asked upon his approach.

I had to mentally shake myself so I could answer. "Uh, fine," I answered.

A questioning look on his almost stoic face had me regret my tone. "You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." Convincing people—let alone  _him_ —these days was quite the feat. Such poppycock.

He'd stopped in front of me, and before he could reply, I stepped into his space and took part of his collar between my fingers—smoothing out the imaginary creases I'd pretended were there to break the center focal point on me.

"Are you okay?" I questioned, as I continued fiddling with the haori.

"Why do you ask?" he returned my question with his own.

"You seem…like something's on your mind," I finished straightening his clothing and looked up at him. "I'm here to listen, if you'll have me," I tried to smile, but ended up breaking eye contact completely upon realizing just how disgustingly sappy I was being. Did I think I was smooth or something? Kami.

"What's this?" he took hold of my cheek and turned my blushing face back to him. He didn't look at me, but rather at the top of my head, promptly taking hold of the wooden hairpiece lodged and partially visible at the back of my head. It seemed he'd seen through my tactic, and decided to mimic my attempt at diverting the conversation away from him.

"Who is this new, soft-spoken, gentle beauty?" he questioned as he straightened my hairpiece.

I moved my way out of his grasp and crossed my arms—a heavy blush of embarrassment that ended up resulting in an unwanted pout.

"Fine. Take 2: What's causing disarray in that thing occupying your skull? Sure as Hell looks like you're perturbed by something or other, and as a woman of equivalent exchange I can't just let that facial expression of yours slide. Take it or leave it, Romeo—you wanna tell me or not?"

"There she is," he teased.

"Yeah, yeah, that's the last time I'll ever try to be  _genuine_ toward you—you've squandered your inheritance."

A low hum came from him as he took hold of me to pull me back into him. I let him pull me forward, but I by no means made eye-contact or loosened my frigid position.

"That's a bit unfair," he pulled me within his arms—slipping against my hips to almost meet at the small of my back.

I ignored the urge to melt into him—my embarrassment at my  _gushy_  action still in full effect. "Too bad, so sad. Better luck next time, kid."

"Oi," he leaned down to my neck—maybe I struck a nerve with the kid comment?

"And what if I like that part of Kiteyama Akinoyo?" he brushed his lips to my neck as his revenge—the shiver that wracked down my spine noticed, and reveled upon of course.

"W-Well, ya win some, ya lose some."

"And if I hate to lose?"

I shrugged. "You should have played your cards more wisely."

"What if I have something up my sleeve? More specifically," his left arm snuck around me so his hand took hold of my hip, while his other hand took my chin as he withdrew from my neck to look at me. "What if I have an  _Ace_  up my sleeve?"

Oh no he did—

The damn smile I couldn't help completely trumped the embarrassing pout I was in, and as the corners of my lips turned, his own joined in a smirk. I couldn't even look him in the face—the laughter I tried to stifle snuck through in the form of a scoff.

"I hope you're proud of yourself,"

He leaned down into me, and before his lips met mine, declared his victory. "Whatever it takes," he stole my lips—even though he knew it was gratuitous—as his reward.

Maybe it was a thrill for him to see me frazzled—I couldn't say that part of me didn't think it was  _sort-of_ sweet in the sense that he enjoyed seeing me in a different light. Didn't mean it wasn't embarrassing though. If the end result was what was happening right now, however—I guess I could get used to it.

A quick nibble on my lower lip succeeded to tease me like he wanted, and had my posture lax as intended. I reached to his haori to grab a firm hold on him before retaliating back; slipping my tongue in for a surprise attack—his smile at my action only making me smirk in accomplishment. After a few more moments, the craving began within me, and I could tell with the way his fingers pressed into my hip that the same went for him. If he continued this—dear Kami.

He already knew this however—pulling back from the kiss and planting a few quick pecks to help wean us off the craving rather than cutting it off cold turkey—speaking of which, I was gonna need a smoke after this.

"Thank you for your concern—it means a lot," he told me as his hands took hold of my shoulders.

"You may not think so," I began as I loosed my grip on him and trailed down to his hips. "But, you mean a lot to me, and all I want to do is focus on you and that fact rather than anything else." I opened my eyes to look at him, and pulled myself back so he could see the seriousness in my face. "You've put in a lot of time making me feel like I'm actually worth something—I want to make sure you feel the same way about yourself. I'd do anything and everything to make that happen. All jokes aside, you mean the world to me, Toushirou—whatever I can do to make  _you_ happy, makes  _me_ happy." I paused, breaking eye contact due to the heat on my face. "Even if it means letting you get away with teasing me—I guess."

He pulled me into an embrace, and I took a deep breath—his scent helping me relax as it always did, and implying that safety I took such solace in.

"You never cease to amaze me, Akinoyo," he squeezed. "How I was able to meet a person like you is still unbelievable."

"Right back at ya," I nuzzled into him.

"I'll tell you about Hinamori when we have more time, and things are less stressful. For now, let's just bypass it and get something to eat—I have some important documents to attend to this afternoon." He pulled back and looked at me.

I couldn't say I wasn't slightly disappointed that he wasn't going to delve into it right now, but at the same time, I knew that it wasn't going to be a quick conversation. He had his responsibilities to tend to—personal matters would have to wait unfortunately.

I changed my facial expression quickly and nodded. "Okay, I understand."

After his eyes searched mine for a moment, he went in for a quick kiss. "Thank you—I'll lock everything, and then we'll go," he said after pulling back.

"Take your time—I want to get a smoke in before we go if you don't mind." I withdrew myself from him.

"Okay, take your time," he told me before turning to go back inside.

I sat down at the edge of the engawa and took out my instruments of self-harm to prep them for that first drag I desperately needed.

With what happened between him and I just now, and how I felt when Hinamori-Fukutaichou was here—I had to tell him about Miyuki. Musei no Koe was right—the way I handled it was completely ignorant and lazy. My thoughts drifted back to trying to convince myself, but each time I did, I remembered the way she just  _looked_ at him, and caused that reaction. This was that stupid emotion again coming back to bite me right in the ass.

I took my first drag, savoring the bitter taste I'd grown accustomed to in order to promote clear-headed thinking. I exhaled, took another deep breath, and cracked my neck.

I was more concerned about the back story that caused his reaction, but the damn thought in the back of my mind of her being a threat was pissing me off—it was just outright sad.

Nevertheless, I was glad I was able to penetrate that defense of his at least a little bit. Rangiku's words had been circling around in my head, and I had started to not believe that I had indeed caused change in him, but after this—she was right. Clearly this was prove Akinoyo wrong day.

Curiosity had a pretty decent grip on me that I couldn't deny; she looked so sweet and innocent—what could she have possibly done to cause  _any_ sort of reaction out of him? Just who was this woman?

"That's the next thing I'm going to help you tackle," Toushirou said upon his silent approach.

I damn near jumped.

"W-What?" I asked.

"Tobacco."

What was I thinking?

"Yeah, yeah, I guess." I waved him off along with my rambling uncomfortable thoughts.

As much as I always wanted to be near him, I seriously needed some alone time to think all this through. Aside from the events that happened within this last hour, I had earlier today, yesterday, the damn day before—I felt like I was just constantly stuck in a mental overload.

As I looked at him as he stared off into the winter-gripped garden ahead of us, I knew that I wouldn't get any form of a chance any time soon.

I was in this for he  _longer_  haul now—no chances of mental rest in sight.


	34. Chapter 34

"Howl,"

I looked up into her umber eyes that glistened with the reflection of the moonlight—the firm resolve they had attempting to crack me. This was a new beginning; it was now that I'd rid myself of cowardice, and stand tall and fierce. The first step? Not backing down from the inner piece of myself.

"Musei no Koe!"

The borrowed zanpakutou I had in my right hand immediately complied; changing into the two Trench Knives with golden spiked knuckles in each of my hands. As soon as they materialized, I bolted toward her—the splashes of my heavy, fast-paced footsteps in this flooded realm the only sound I could hear other than my breath as I focused on the Woodland Queen ahead. She didn't flinch—merely awaited my attack with that same intensity as she had during our battle with Koizumi Fumiko.

I attempted a slash at her with my left hand, making sure to reel it back to add as much muscle as I could muster to aid in my attack. She parried me by catching my attack with the blade in  _her_  left; seemingly with about as much effort as a toddler halting a tossed balloon.

"You're open,"

In a quick motion, she came in with her right at a slash at my torso. I parried it with the knuckles of my other knife just in time, but her force against my own was like a fly against a kami-damned fly-swatter. The bones in my hand cracked, but that wasn't the only audible sound I made at the contact; as her thrust pushed through my useless block, the tip of the knife she held slashed my torso just deep enough to make me waver in and out of consciousness through my screaming.

"Silence."

Before I could push myself back—or let alone think—a pump of her reiatsu did the job for me in a rough thrust that had me fly back and skip across the lake in the same fashion of a skipping stone.

I laid there choking on the water that I sucked in from trying to catch my breath as she approached. The water beneath us rippled, and soon turned into waves that overthrew me completely. I struggled to turn myself, the pain from my torn torso preventing me from doing too much more than propping myself up with a single palm.

"One attack is all it takes?" Musei no Koe asked upon her halt in front of me.

In an instant, something from beneath me took hold of me; wrapping around my legs and emerging around me with a sadistic aura implying a heavy desire for torture in this game. I was then heaved up by my legs and swung around like a child's play thing—the tear in my torso deepening and causing screams of absolute agony in the process.

What was I supposed to do in this situation? I didn't know any kidou like Toushirou or the others did, and I couldn't even—

"This is the best you can do?"

She commanded the flaccid branches that held me to slam me to the water's surface.

"Did you think that because I brought you here, no harm would come to you?" She commanded the entity to whip me against the surface again—my ribs cracking on impact of the glass-like floor beneath the surface.

Kami, I couldn't take much more of this. Amidst that, I tried focusing my thoughts on thinking about just how in the Hell I was supposed to get out of this—the most I could muster at the moment was thrashing around.

She commanded me to be flung clear in the opposite direction, and mid-air, she met me with those golden knuckles of her Trench Knife. Her attack hit me on the right side of my face as intended—blood gushing from my ruptured cheek to choke me as I faded in and out of consciousness from the hit. My ears rang, and fear completely dominated me at her prior words—she wouldn't kill me…would she?

"Has the strength and courage you possessed died with Koizumi Fumiko?" She questioned as I hit the ground; the impact creating rough waves that crashed back into me.

She was going too far with this training—wasn't the whole point of it supposed to be for me to learn properly rather than winging-it like I had been? I looked up at her stern eyes, and I knew the answer to my prior question based on just her aura alone.

"If your life must be on the line in order for you to take this seriously, then so be it." she flipped her left Trench Knife with a quick motion before pointing it at me. "I'll give you to the count of three. If you cannot at the very least impact me, you won't survive the upcoming battles—I'd much rather put you out of your misery now than have anyone else do it."

She—she wasn't—

"One,"

She was going to actually kill me.

"Two,"

I couldn't die here—I had to—

"Three."

She charged at me without using her actual speed; ready to deliver the finishing blow with minimal effort.

I felt like a cornered animal. It wouldn't have mattered if I'd gotten up to run—she would catch me, and kill me almost instantly. I couldn't die—the small pride within me that had been smothered almost entirely by the ruthless events still somehow remained lit, and I couldn't let it burn out at all costs. I had to live—I had to take revenge for Mai, for Miyuki, for  _myself._

Adrenaline spiked within me, and I pushed myself to my feet even with the immense pain from my slivered side and punctured face. I had less than five breaths before the end, and instinct dominated me. I felt my own reiatsu within me; small, but somehow enough to still notice. Previously, I'd taken a shortcut to get it to help me control the wood; lighter fluid to a fire to make it roar temporarily rather than building and strengthening it by creating more of a foundation. I wanted to do things the right way, but with her coming at me like this, I'd have to risk it again—an all or nothing leap.

I twisted my body to the left, and used momentum to swing my right leg through the water in a full circle; that reiatsu I forced surging through me to amplify my action in making the water harshly spurt like a geyser-wall high enough to block her view—the distraction for my attack.

I couldn't see her with the wall I'd made in that split second, but nevertheless, I continued with my poorly improvised attempt at an attack. As soon as my right heel set on the ground, I channeled reiatsu into my left foot to spring forward through the water—my grip on my knives so tight from how risky this move was that it felt as if my knuckles would pop from the pressure.

If this was my last chance at survival, I had to give it my all—just as I'd done with that Hollow; with  _that_ man; with Koizumi Fumiko. If I couldn't do this, then every death has meant nothing—not even Miyuki's, and  _not even Mai's_.

I burst through the water; my left hand at eye-level and my right thrust out in front of me and spaced away for the move I was going to make.

She saw my move coming as I knew she would, and quickly threw up her fists to parry the attack—seemingly as if to humor me more than actually take me seriously. She had no change in her facial expression from earlier—her lack of faith in me just riling me up, and fueling me with confidence.

I separated my hands outward, and began the inward slash as the first stage of the attack. As she braced for the impact, mere milliseconds before the execution of the maneuver I changed the attack completely. I brought my knuckles together in a quick motion; the blades that were supposed to remain parallel to my forearms for the attack now pointed forward, and side by side. I extended my arms to finish the true intended stab attack, but alas…

As my blades punctured into her abdomen, the upper hand I thought I had was made perfectly clear in that moment.

She could have evaded that attack easily; a simple side-step with her speed would have served her well, and would have had me barreling forward to accept open retaliate from behind. The thing about it is, she  _let_ the attack come to fruition, and she did it for one reason only.

To slice clean across both of my eyes.

Immediately I fell to my knees; screaming bloody murder as the blood from my slit eyeballs rushed down my face. My body began reacting automatically—my hands releasing the damn knives still stuck in her in an attempt to—

"Stop!" Musei no Koe screeched at me.

My scream stifled down to whimpering yelps as my hands hovered; still weaved through the fingered holes and shaking violently from just how much fucking pain I was in.

"We are in the middle of battle— _never_ let go of your weapon!" She scolded viciously.

This…this was fucking...

With a scream of anger and pain, I gripped the hilts and yanked them out of her as ferociously as I could before rolling back and away from her. I finally managed to plant my feet down and get to a squatting position, and faced what I thought was her direction as I sucked in air in short, frantic pants.

"Y-You," I began—fury and hatred taking over, "Just what in the fuck is wrong with you?" I spat at her in an angered roar.

She coughed, and I could hear her spit before she casually responded. "Your attack was reckless in every sense of the word." She began, indicating to me that she hadn't been directly in front of me, but a few degrees northeast of my direction.

"While it could have been evaded, it was a great opportunity for a lesson— _never_ do that again unless your opponent is unable to respond."

All I wanted to do was touch my eyeballs and smother out the pain in hope that when I removed my hands, my sight would be restored. Then again, feeling the sliced cherry-tomato-like orbs that bled down my face didn't sound too enticing either—I couldn't even control my damn eyelids.

"You've finally discovered how to tap into and use your reiryoku," she continued—cutting off my rambling. "At least amidst your amateur attack, you were able to—"

"Shut your Kami-damned fucking mouth!" I sneered at her. "You're over here talking about lessons like you actually are sticking to your word and  _training me_  like you were fucking supposed to, but you're only trying to kill me! What's next? You wanna lop off my Kami-damned legs? How about slitting my throat? What kind of fucking ally are you? What happened to the honesty? The pride? The—"

"My pride and my words are—and  _always_  have been—valid. This  _is_ your training—you chose this difficulty when you refused to show me the strength you  _know_ you possess. If coming at you with the intent to kill is the only way you learn, then so be."

"And so I've lost my eyesight for all eternity during a fucking training session? Have you lost your—"

My left ear caught movement—startling me enough to disrupt me.

"We're still in the middle of battle, Akinoyo," Musei no Koe took a deep breath. "Remember the circumstances before you run your mouth,"

From behind, I was whipped several feet forward. Without my sight, I felt as good as dead. I couldn't even land on my feet, or try to maneuver my body for the least painful fall—all I could do was be thrown around like a useless poppet.

I crashed into the ground face-first—my nose more than likely broken and my lips cut with the landing. I couldn't believe what was even happening—couldn't believe that  _after everything,_ she would choose to do this.

"Although it was primarily a lesson, you  _have_  wounded me, and for that I will reward you. From here forward, I will only use one attack against you." I could hear her steps coming toward me even with the rough waves from her last attack still disruptive. "Now that you have learned how to call upon your own power, utilize it to evade my attacks."

"You gotta be fucking shitting me!"

"Your next lesson will be etiquette—your speech is repulsive."

"Fuck off!" I coughed.

As soon as the words left my mouth, a loud rumble sounded beneath me. If I had to take a guess, she was summoning the trees submerged below us to surface. I couldn't pinpoint where exactly the sound prominently came from other than beneath me, but it nevertheless was one of the most frightening experiences since I couldn't see it coming.

I got to my feet, and quickly prepped for what I was sure was my last chance. I brought both hands up to my face—index fingers out and pointed to swipe the blood off my cheeks. As quickly as I possibly could, I did my best to write the kanji on both my wrists.

"How intellectual of you,"

All areas around me erupted—the sound of the water channeling and clapping fiercely against the surface had me immediately take a defensive position. I fully expected the harsh claps to banish after a few seconds, but they kept sounding as if they…

She summoned all of them purposely to cloud my most important sense.

As—what I assumed were—thick, flaccid vines or roots struck the water's surface in uncoordinated patterns, the dominatrix spoke. "If you can get one more connect, your training will be over for today. And if you cannot, well—I'll leave your  _intellect_  to draw your own conclusion." I could've sworn I heard a scoff, but I had bigger problems to worry about.

A splash got me on my right arm, and so I immediately jumped as far left as I could possibly manage in my blinded state. Bad move—upon my landing, I was struck in the gut with a blow I felt was as terrible as a slice from a blade. I flew back from it, and landed directly into another one of them.

This one moved from its position after the fact, and when that happened, my legs were ceased again and I was flung forward to crash land into the ground.

There was no way I could do this. There were too many, and even  _with_ vision I wouldn't be able to escape this. It was hopeless, I couldn't—

"Have you learned nothing?"

A loud slap sounded directly next to me—one of the vines missing me just a small increment. The blow was so forceful that I was blown back by it—the water beneath me spiking up enough from the attack to shoot me through the water.

"This next attack will be the deciding factor—make your choice."

Make my choice?

There wasn't any choice applicable for me to make at this point—she'd wounded me, blinded me, and trapped me like a Kami-damned rat. It looked like all I could do at this point was just lay here and let her take my life. Just because I could use my reiryoku or whatever hadn't changed anything—so what, I could make my attacks stronger, and possibly become faster? How was that supposed to—wait a minute.

I rolled out of the way—the tendril whipping the spot I'd occupied not even a second later. I didn't fly back this time, but kept my ground amidst the higher-powered attack.

I focused on the sound it made, and focused on imagining it's movement. I called on my own power to course through me, and quickly thrust myself forward to stab the root. It wasn't the same, but in that moment it was like when we had to make our first sacrifice—utilizing the tree we'd merged with to use as a map.

As soon as I'd stuck my blade into the life-form, it was like I'd never lost my vision in the first place.

The entire area lit up like an enchanted wonderland—the once dark water that only glistened with the moonlight, now a vibrant electric blue with an intensity that would've made me squint if I had actual vision. The wooden, rogue-ally I had my knife in was that same gold as before; the glow of it like millions of fireflies on crack from just how bright it was. I didn't have time to enjoy the scenery though—I had one mission, and one mission only—find the bronzed Devil in I.

Before I could get a chance to look at all, the damn thing revolted—whipping me up in the air before I could make any moves. I held onto my knife for dear life—pumping my reiatsu into my arm so I could withstand the violent jerking. It was only a matter of time before she would command it to slam me down—I had to take a shot.

I let myself feel the reiatsu of it, and once I felt like I had a good enough understanding and visual, I called out, and pumped a bit of my own reiatsu into it.

With my left, I firmly thrust my palm downward, and instantly it obeyed—flopping down to smack against the ground. Quickly, I used my other knife to help mount myself atop it for the landing. I made it in time before it squashed me, and immediately retracted my left knife out of it to command it.

"Make haste,"

A presence to my right, and a presence to my left. I had no choice—I yanked my remaining knife, and channeled my reiatsu to help me jump as high as possible. In that moment, all vision was lost—I was mid-air and had no idea if I'd even survive the fall. Immediately I thought of how I'd called upon them during the last battle, maybe if I did that—

It came from beneath me; the same two that just tried attacking. Shit—how did she do that damn phasing thing? It was too late—they snatched me like a frog catching a fly. They reared back down almost diagonally, and as I descended to what would for sure be the finishing blow, a thought crossed my mind: if I was able to sense these things headed toward me—why wouldn't I be able to sense her?

I'm such a damn fool.

I withdrew my arm as quickly as I could, a yank so hard I almost cut myself with my own knife on the way out. With a flat-palmed thrust forward, I was able to halt one of them to a complete stop—the other by default unraveling and continuing in its path to slam fiercely against the water. I thanked Kami I was able to stop one at the very least.

I focused so hard my teeth felt like they were going to crack from how hard I clenched them. There was no avoiding it—she hardly let me have time as it was, and I'm sure she could retake this entity in a blink if she really wanted to. My control was limited and slipping, but I had to push past that if I wanted to make it out of here alive.

It felt easy enough to sense what was directly in front of me, but  _searching_  was another story. Slowly, the surrounding vines came into my candle-lit range—I had to focus immensely so that the tiny-flame could at the very least grow into a torch.

One of the tendrils within range reached for me—with a quick flick of my wrist, I commanded the one still wrapped around me to dodge by moving forward. As if accepting the challenge, she sent four more of them at me at once. I was still up in the air at least a half a kilometer, and the only thing I could think of when they came at me from each direction was to command the one holding me to recede back to the ground. It quickly complied, pulling me back down with a speed that I hadn't known I'd instructed and stopping abruptly at the water's edge.

The top half of me flipped over where I was held from my torso; the force flinging my upper half over as badly as crashing face-first on the bar-top on a drunken night in heels. At my gasping breaths due to the wind nearly getting knocked out of me, a small, two-toned chuckle caught my attention. My head-whipped south—I had her.

In between two of her guardians she stood—arms crossed and stance firmer than stone. The boss' reiatsu was calm rather than suffocating as I'd expected it to be, but to my surprise, it seemed like there was a bit of looseness to it—amusement?

Without another second to lose I commanded it to release me. Once I was on the ground I commanded it to straighten, and hopped on before commanding it in her direction. Kami only knows how I'd be able to pull this off—there was no way in Hell I could command more than this piece of timber I was on, and with just my senses to aid me, it was like a shot in the dark.

Her reiatsu left the spot and ascended upward rapidly—her leap making me internally cringe because she was baiting me for a chase I was more than likely bound to lose. She proceeded to throw more obstacles my way, and with how fast I was already going, one wrong move could be my last. Sticking my knife back in for a better grip, I did my best to maneuver my ride to dodge. I was able to evade direct harm, but the damage the entity I controlled took was too much for me to keep pulling it any further—I'd have to ditch this one and try to take another. The only problem was how fast she had them attack—I couldn't afford to stop without immediately suffering the repercussions or flying off.

"Shit," I cursed aloud.

I maneuvered my body to a crouch with my feet in between where my knives stuck out of the wood. I mentally prepared myself, felt her out the best I could, and launched myself out of there entirely with the reiatsu pumping out through my feet.

I heard an amused scoff from that damned Queen of Deceit as I ascended toward her.

"Do you honestly believe I would remain in the same spot? What will you do when I am out of your reach?" she lectured—leaving the spot as I knew she would.

The chances were low, but I had to try. After I passed her in altitude, I waited for the moment I'd start to descend.

"Here goes nothing!"

I pumped that reiatsu back to my feet; straining immensely to stop myself mid-air—it wasn't working.

I panicked.

Why wasn't it working?

"This is the last hint I'll give you," Musei no Koe shouted as I plummeted down. "Flash-step only works when you can manipulate reishi—not your reiryoku. Reishi composes mostly everything—keep that in mind."

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit sh—how in the Hell was I supposed to do that? I'd never heard of reishi—had Toushirou ever talked about it? What the fuck was I supposed to do now? I didn't have to have eyes to know I was high enough to not survive the landing.

She said reishi composes mostly everything—everything…everything…

The beakers I'd heard about in the lab—The Shinwa? Why the Hell hadn't I thought about that until now?

Quickly I found it's presence within me—faint and partially dormant, but there nevertheless.

" _Help me!"_ I screeched in a last resort.

I stopped tumbling instantly. I hadn't hit the ground, but instead remained in the air as I'd originally intended.

"Use of The Shinwa is  _prohibited,"_ Musei no Koe appeared in front of me; her voice thick with reprimand. "This training—"

I immediately suspended her via The Shinwa—froze her as she had Kurotsuchi-Taichou the last time. I didn't even flinch when I snapped her arm in half.

I knew she wouldn't scream, but the sharp intake of a cry along with her ulna snapping was more than enough to satisfy me.

"Oh, I'm sorry—this training  _what?_ You mean this  _extermination_? Sorry, since that's the case then it's anything goes, and I'll  _be fucking damned_ if I give up now after everything I've been through!"

I'd gotten so emotional throughout this entire battle. I was shocked my tear ducts still worked—the surely bloodied saline running down my face.

"Say it's over—say it's over or I'll—"

"You'll  _what_? _"_ she cut me off.

All control I had with everything was gone—my very breathing halted.

"Kill me? Don't be ridiculous—right now, you couldn't kill me if you tried,"

She snapped her fingers, and the second the noise finished reverberating through my ear drums I plummeted to the ground below; my lungs now capable of oxygen intake and heaving to catch my breath. I practically belly-flopped onto the water, and to my surprise sank down into the murk rather than being stopped by the invisible floor as I usually was.

Panicked since I didn't know how to swim, I freaked and started flailing like mad while holding my breath as best I could.

"Calm down, Akinoyo," Her tone had anger, but it lacked that bite it hard mere seconds ago—her called demeanor only amplifying my panic.

"Get a hold of yourself! Breathe! You can breathe here!" It couldn't be more clear how quickly that anger came back with annoyance.

I went on a trusting limb and took a quick, sharp inhale as a test—upon it working, I panted like a damn dog.

"Open your eyes, and look at me."

I hadn't noticed with the freak out of drowning I was just having, but now that I was catching my breath, I didn't feel any pain  _anywhere._ I cautiously touched my eyes to make sure that they were in fact in tact before I even attempted actually opening them, and when the answer proved to be true, I blinked as if nothing had even happened.

The Queen floated in front of me; her hair luscious and vibrant with the water we were in, reminding me of some type of wanna-be mermaid that actually was pretty damn entrancing. Her arms—not broken, mind you—were crossed over her chest, and the look on her taupe-drenched eyes had a look I hadn't seen before.

"Your training is over for today, Akinoyo, but I would like to make one thing absolutely clear to you," she began. "Thanks to The Shinwa, we are unique compared to others—without a strong mind and body, The Shinwa can very well take over completely. Without the power of the seal, the chances of it running amuck are increased well over tenfold, and let's not forget our enemy lusting for its power," she shook her head.

"You came in here today with a child's determination—light-hearted, and almost innocent. While a part of me wishes I could once again instruct you with that simplicity, it is  _not_ a luxury either of us can afford. Today marks the beginning of a new chapter—the determination of a conqueror is what you must have from here forward if you want to save your loved ones and  _yourself._ Do not come here and expect leniency from me—come here with your all, and regain the knowledge and skill you once possessed, and mold it to keep pushing to greater heights. Don't make me regret my choice to forgive you, Akinoyo—don't fail me  _again,"_

I had every damn right to be mad at her—to shun her, and use her strictly for my benefit with zero regard for her or her emotions. Part of me wanted to, but I knew the feeling was unjust and wrong.

I exhaled with a shake of my head. "I'm still bitter at you, but I understand. I know what you're doing is for the best, and I understand that this isn't going to be easy. I can clearly see the resentment you still have toward me, but even so, I'm going to make this clear right here, right now, " I looked up at her stern eyes with my own—I wouldn't, and couldn't afford falter.

"Even if we don't make it out of this situation alive, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere—I'm not going to abandon you. I'm going to mold myself to make you, and everyone else proud that their assistance wasn't for not— _I will rise_ to the occasion, and I won't give up no matter how much I want to roll over and die. Above all of this, what I want you to know more than anything is,"

I approached her, and placed a heavy hand on her shoulder.

"I am  _never_ going to fail you again."


	35. Chapter 35

"She did  _what?"_

Toushirou's reaction upon my explanation of what happened when I passed out on his office couch for the rest of the day yesterday was most definitely not a grateful one. While he initially was all for me training with Musei no Koe, he seemed completely irritated by it now. With good reason—I could have died in there with the way she was training me.

"Yeah—that's what happened. In the end though, I  _'cheated'_ by using The Shinwa and ended up getting an attack in. She kept to her word and ended the training, then explained her reasoning behind her brutality. The brief synopsis is that basically I went in there without understanding the seriousness of the situation—which I completely contest to, but whatever—and that basically I need to go in there at 100% from here forward. I mean, I agree with her, but I'm kinda scared that one of these days I  _will_ die in there,"

"You can't die within your inner world—rest assured," he began.

" _Are you fucking joking?"_ I internally vocalized as I externally dead-panned.

" _I never said it was a possibility."_ Musei no Koe instantly defended upon my internal outburst.

"It doesn't excuse the fact that she went too far with your training—a zanpakutou going to that extreme with their master is hardly ever heard of. While time is clearly the issue, you'll miss the fundamentals of combat that way, and more than likely execute your attacks incorrectly and hurt yourself." He crossed his arms.

"While you're right, I made a promise to the Queen to give in to her bidding even if I'm against it personally." I explained—Musei no Koe just begging to scoff at me in my head.

I could tell that he was somewhat against it and wanted to have more of a say, but he kept his composure and prompted in other ways. "What about training outside of her domain? What are her rules?"

I shrugged. "You heard him—what's the deal?" I asked her aloud.

She didn't feel like answering me or him—that much was clear—but she graced me with an answer that I repeated aloud verbatim.  _"I already expected your guardian to provide additional training—you will need someone to practice on in time regardless."_

"We'll begin your training this afternoon then—I have some things to take care of this morning, but after that I'll have a few free hours," he told me before he rose from the chabudai we sat at in his home. "I'll make sure you learn the basics, but still allow Musei no Koe time to teach as well. Additionally, I'll have Matsumoto join us—she would be a better sparring partner for you than I would,"

" _See? Even with your sass he still takes you into consideration,"_ I poked at her.

" _Your point?"_

" _My point being that perhaps the disgust you have for everyone in general is misplaced with him specifically. The disgust with me is understandable, but him, not so much."_ I explained.

She didn't say anything at first while I responded to Toushirou by complying to the schedule he'd made for the day. I could feel her annoyance toward me just festering inside, and I couldn't help but crack a smile.

" _You accept my distaste toward you?"_ She questioned—I almost laughed.

" _If I can push your buttons like this, then it must mean that I'm somewhat important to you. I'm trying this new optimism thing for once—looking at it that way will make me feel less like of an asshole. Thanks for loathing me, I guess,"_

"Finished?" Toushirou asked me as he gathered the plates from our breakfast—breaking the mental conversation I was in the middle of.

"Ah, yes—sorry," I sheepishly gulped the last bit of tea before picking up my plate as well. "Here, let me help you," I reached for some of the plates.

He handed some to me, and I followed to his decent sized kitchen to help him clean up everything. The guy had been cooking for me ever since we got here—the least I could do was the dishes now that I wasn't on bed rest. I nudged him out of the way and started warming up the water and rolling up my sleeves.

"You don't have to help, you know," Toushirou told me as he went to gather the remainder of cooking equipment.

"I'm a woman of  _what_ exactly?" I teased as he walked out of the room.

"So you keep reminding me," he gave in.

A small chuckle from me surfaced from his acceptance of my tease—reminding me of how it used to be between us before I turned into a constantly-sobbing wreck. I was sort of in a good mood today even with everything going on. Maybe it was because of yesterday's not-so-deadly training that I started getting a bit of confidence again. I wanted the old part of my personality that was fierce, and full of dry-humored sarcasm back, but not with the cold, disgusting part of my prior life it stemmed from.

He set the remaining few plates in the sink, and reached to steal the water momentarily. "I can take over so you can get ready," he prompted as he washed his hands.

" _Again_ —I got it." I smiled before getting the next plate and focusing down on it.

I could sense he was sneaking glances at me as he dried his hands and started drying the plates, but I focused on what I was doing still partially lost in thought.

"You seem,  _different_ today," Toushirou commented—mirroring my thoughts.

I tried to stifle my blush—to no avail. "Oh? Is different bad?" I looked up at him.

"Not at all," he stifled my rising panic. "It's a good thing,"

"I see," I replied—settling back to focus on the pan I was scrubbing. "I'm happy to be doing something as normal and boring as dishes—anything that falls into my odd range of normalcy helps give my mind a break from everything in a weird way."

"And what exactly falls within that range?" he questioned as he stowed some of the dishes.

I shrugged. "I don't know—I guess cleaning? When I worked at the diner—as much as I hated it—it kept my mind occupied with stupid tasks rather than on the real reasoning of my employment. Those are really the only things that I can think of aside from the solace of a shower or quick bath before the next round of Hell."

Remembering all the nights spent in hotels rooms had me shiver—coaxing my mind to dive deeper into my past whore-house days that I really wish I  _didn't_ remember. The days where I—

No. Knock it off.

Let's try to have a good day for once.

"Sounds lonely," he interrupted—thank Kami. "What about other activities? I know you've mentioned a few of your favorite things, but have you ever let your mind drift to things other than those tasks?"

An interesting question. Other than seeing advertisements on the small television in the diner about some onsen in the next prefecture or that one time I passed a park with Sugi trees on the way to a client, I never really  _let_ my mind drift elsewhere. Getting up my hopes was not the favorable thing to do at the time.

"No actually. If I did, it would create a sense of longing that was impossible to quench at the time—I chose to not delve into all the possibilities that came with freedom for my own sanity's sake. I didn't have time to have my head in the clouds; my feet needed—and still currently  _need_ —to be on the ground. It'd be a terrible idea to let myself dip into that pool at the moment."

I washed my hands and turned off the water; whipping my hands to get as much water off them as possible before grabbing the hand-towel. The silence between us as I dried my hands made me feel like maybe I took it too far. He asked a miniscule question—not about my damn life story.

"Eh, sorry—I got a bit carried away," I turned with a sheepish smile on my face. He'd already taken care of all the other dishes aside from the two I'd just finished, so I picked up the towel and began to dry them in his stead.

"And so now—even with the change of events—your reasoning remains the same?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I hadn't really thought about it until now since you've brought it up—I'd been too focused on this new shit-show rather than focusing on something as unimportant as my  _wants._ With everything going on, I most definitely remain deterred—probably even more than I was before if I'm being honest."

He was silent for a few moments, and it made me wonder if I'd been too harsh in my words. I didn't think I came off in a harsh tone, but I mean—I wouldn't be surprised.

"It makes sense," he finally replied just as I finished with the dishes. "It would indeed be difficult for you to have such thoughts do more than pass briefly—if at all—in the current situation. I asked out of curiosity, but now with your answer, the validity of Matsumoto's words I wanted to ignore make sense—as much as I hate when she proves me wrong."

He took the two plates and put them away, and as he did my own nervous curiosity got the better of me. It wasn't like we were talking shit or anything—but what in the Hell did she say to him?

"Rangiku's words? Like what? What'd she say to you?"

He took the spot next to where I leaned against the countertop. "In regard to getting your mind off things," he began. "She was right in saying that sometimes distraction is necessary to help deal with whatever the stressful situation at hand is—listening to you just now made me realize just how much you actually need it."

I subconsciously shriveled back a bit. I knew he didn't mean to come off sounding like he didn't think I could handle it, but it bit at me in that way—what's new though? I was a coward now wasn't I? Barely as of yesterday did I become capable of at least decent engagement in a battle even with my crippling mental deterioration and pebble-sized self esteem. Maybe I was going too far, but maybe that was just proof of my words.

"Ah, I see," I responded half-heartedly—he did so much for me as it was that I couldn't just stand here and expect the poor sap to continuously attempt converting me to an optimist. Even the sun's rays could only remain for so long.

"I can do more housework, or clean your office if it would make you feel more relieved," I forced a smile.

I could feel his eyes on me, and so I looked up into his while trying to bite down the weak feeling his words caused. He searched my eyes for a moment, and I abruptly broke the contact.

"I can try to learn to cook—I watched the chefs at the diner sometimes and was able to pick up a few things here and there,"

"I didn't mean it the way you're taking it," he began, much to my surprise. "I meant that I'm agreeing that sometimes we  _all_ need distractions—not just  _you_ specifically. I don't want you to think that I'm belittling you, Akinoyo,"

I turned back to frontal face—doing my best not to noticeably show my discomfort. "Oh, I know that—I know that you didn't mean it that way," I tried to convince myself rather than him.

"You're sure?"

Good Kami.

"Of?"

I attempted a weak evasion to buy myself another millisecond to think if it was really worth lying to avoid being problematic as I usually was. He tried to stifle a huff, but couldn't help himself—he knew what I was up to.

"Akinoyo,"

It almost sounded like it was a light scolding, but his next action proved that it was moreover his frustration at his own choice of words.

He softly pushed my hair that I hadn't bothered to put up yet behind my shoulder, then grazed over my neck and up to my temple to push some of my rambunctious strands behind my ear.

"I know it's unavoidable, but I want to be there for you through this mess as much as I can. Ever since the event with Koizumi, it's gotten to the point where you're having trouble remaining calm, and feeling safe even with me sometimes. While I understand the validity of those feelings, I'm also trying to combat them as much as possible, I—"

"Have I made you feel like I don't trust you? Please know that it's not the case, Toushirou, I whole-heartedly have all my faith in you—I would never—"

"I'm not talking about trust, I'm talking about comfort. You feel uncomfortable to drop your guard, and are on edge due to the situation—am I correct?"

I shrugged. "Well, yeah I guess so—do you blame me though?"

"Not at all—it's normal to be on the defense during these types of situations, but sometimes if you get inside your own head  _too_  much it can be detrimental. For everyone—including myself as much as I don't personally follow this—distraction to keep your sanity is sometimes necessary. I have my own form of distractions—things I want to do or see, and things that I can focus on in the event that it is a necessity to pause the situation. I want that to be the same for you—for you to have things to focus on other than menial tasks like cleaning. While it's a quick fix—it shouldn't be what you treat yourself with after going through Hell—do you understand?"

I nodded, and he continued. "With how things are right now, the more involvement you have can easily cause you to slip away and let the negative consume you—I want to make sure you steer clear of it. The first step is as Matsumoto says—a quick break to focus on other things. I'm not saying I want you to get drunk like she does, but,"

My attempted stifle of a chuckle broke his sentence, and with the very motion I made subconsciously, it successfully reverted my mood back to what it should have been all along. I looked up at him with a true smile finally manifesting rather than remaining false and transparent.

"But you want me to take a break and get my mind off things nevertheless—I understand. The only set-back to that is the fact that I wouldn't know exactly  _what_ to focus on. The only things I look forward to at this point is any alone time with you or Matsumoto where we aren't on alert—other than that, nothing has really struck me that I can think of other than going to an onsen or seeing those hauntingly straight Sugi trees. They are so weirdly mystical to me that I can't help but gawk when I get the chance to see them—makes sense now that we've met the Queen." I shook my head.

"Matsumoto knows all of the good onsen, so we'll have to ask her and try to schedule it for the next opportunity. I know an area where they've been conditioned to grow like that, but it's a bit far from here in one of the districts—the only issue is that right now, it would be unwise to go that far intro the Rukongai. I will take you there, but it unfortunately has to be put on hold."

His facial expression told me that he felt guilt for outright contradicting all the build up he'd created—I needed to reassure him that I understood and was okay with it, but I didn't really know  _how_ to sound reassuring to him at this point.

"Of course—we most definitely can't risk it right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way. No worries at all, I wouldn't be able to fully enjoy them without constantly looking over my shoulder anyway, so I don't mind saving that and the onsen for another time."

I snuck a glance at him to see if my words had any affect—to which unsatisfactory expectation was met. It's funny—I once had the power to convince men into believing, or doing whatever I wanted. I could change myself instantly into a silver-tongued Aphrodite for some under-the-table benefits, but now I was such a different person—doing that would make me feel lower than the garbage I already felt like. I wanted him to know in sincerity that I was just thankful more than anything else, and I wanted to do it without shriveling down into the crying-toddler tendancy I frequented these days.

The only thing I could think of was a bit out of character, but…if it would make things better, then  _to Hell with it._

Taking gentle hold of his bicep, I steadied myself as I stood on my tip-toes to quickly press my lips against his cheek. He wasn't necessarily startled from what I could tell, but I had a feeling that he wasn't expecting it at all.

"Thank you, Toushirou—the fact that you're so caring honestly baffles me, but I'm really thankful to have you. I really want you to know that," I smiled up at him as I set my heels back down.

"Right now, I can't think of anything  _huge_ on a personal note that I'd like to do—the one thing I really look forward to is spending time with you, honestly," I turned back to face forward and lean back against the counter again—my action along with my admittance in the latter part of my sentence making me feel so out of character I couldn't hold eye contact longer than a few seconds.

"I think that things will come to me in time—well, hopefully anyway since I'm trying to be  _optimistic_. Perhaps something smaller would be better for now. Maybe like going out or something? I don't know—what are some things  _you_  like to do? Maybe I'll like some of the same things—is there a theater here? Often the people at the diner would talk about going there—I don't understand the hype, but then again I've never had enough time to sit and watch any type of movie for more than five minutes. Maybe, uh, shit—are there any other activities that some of the Squad members do? Maybe we could…"

Kami I needed to get this nervous-chattering habit under control.

I cut off my own rambling and looked up at him. The look of amusement on his face had me blush at my damned child-like behavior, but I still powered through even though I was internally dying from embarrassment.

"You know what—how about we just make plans to go out to eat soon? Now that my bank account is active, I can at the very least take us out." I did my best to smile and not break eye contact—okay, I totally broke eye contact and was 1000% sure my facial expression was completely sheepish.

"That sounds like it would make for a great start—how about tonight? Would you like to go?"

For some reason, I hadn't been expecting anything to happen today—especially with the upcoming battle with the Taichou of Squad 11 that Musei no Koe foolishly challenged. It was such a surprise to me how serious he was about this, and how willing he was to do this—that shyness of mine vanished from the excitement.

"R-Really? I'd love that," I grinned. The thought of breaking the norm in another  _normal,_ yet fun way seemed really amazing.

"It's settled then. After taking care of everything today, I'll take you out to eat—my treat." He let a small, upturn of his lips show at my gleaming reaction.

"Settled! Although the  _your treat_ part needs to be negotiated, but we'll save that for later." I replied.

He shook his head at me before his reply. "We'll see," He stood back up, and turned to leave. "Let's—"

Well, maybe it was a bit uncalled for, but at the same time I was so happy about the outcome of our conversation that I reacted out of heart rather than my worried mind.

I'd seized his wrist, and pulled myself to him—the contact with his wrist halting his words before I maneuvered myself directly in front of him. My other hand went to his cheek, and I stood up on my tip-toes again to meet his lips this time.

A gentle press at first, then a few soft brushes as a follow up to soothe my paranoia of not asking before taking. I knew he'd wanted me to feel comfortable enough to do this, but what if he didn't want a kiss right now? What if I was being selfish? I couldn't think of any other way to ask if I could continue forward without having to directly ask him verbally in the most awkwardly embarrassing way possible.

His hand placement on my hips gave me my answer—he took a step back to lean against the counter, and pulled me in with him. He spread his legs wide enough for me to stand between them and lean forward into him to deepen my action. As I did, he'd secured me to him in what was the security I longed for more than anything—the way he cradled me against him by my lower and upper abdomen while I had my way with his lips made my heart flutter.

I knew that my actions were accepted and wanted by him, but the feeling of doing something like this in earnest rather than forcibly still moved my heart something  _fierce_ —this whole concept was just so unbelievable to me that it was a damn miracle it wasn't a dream.

My free hand slipped to his hipbone—the most favorable resting spot for gratuitous moments like this. The hand on his cheek snuck back down to crook of his neck—tracing lines back and forth in a caress that would hopefully be enticing enough to ignite more passion between us. By the way he reciprocated my advances, I knew he was loving every moment of this as I was, but the longer—and sweeter—this became, the more I worried about his tasks he had to accomplish today. I didn't want to hinder him just because my lustful tendency was in full swing.

I broke the kiss—pressing my forehead to his as my palm rested against his neck. "Don't let me keep you—I don't want to make you late,"

"I won't be, but while we're on the topic, I want to make something clear," he leaned back, and his hand left my upper back to sweep my bangs away from my eyes. "I'm a man of my work—I always have been, and always will be. But in living a life with such a devotion to work, you can easily forget to live your  _own_ life in the process—which is what I've done for the majority of my career."

The seriousness on his face from his words had an emotion behind them—I wouldn't quite pin it to regret, but moreover a type of hurt. I could have been wrong, but it didn't change the fact that in my heart, I felt whatever type of pain it was he displayed, and never in my life had I felt such an urge to help someone emotionally as I did then and there.

"You may have a hard time believing it, but you've broken the monotony. Just by getting to know you, you've struck a chord in me—and even with everything that's happening, I couldn't turn away from it—from  _you_." The corner of his lips turned up just a fraction, and he looked back into my eyes as he caressed just underneath my jawline.

"If there is anyone in need that required me to push my job aside—I would only do it for you. For someone as cold as me to say that…it's a new page in my life I wasn't expecting to turn to," He averted his gaze, but I could only stare intensely into him at that moment—unable to break the line of vision.

"You've somehow pierced through the wall of ice I'd put up over the years—and you did it by just being yourself. You've shown my own pessimism that there's more to life than just work—more things, and people to cherish than I let myself believe. I can't let someone as important as that just slip by me," he looked back at me, and took my lips with such a passion my brain couldn't compute—all I wanted was more of it.

"If I'm going to be late for anyone, Akinoyo—it's going to be you."

Kami?

Are you up there?

If you are, and you're not just a figment of everyone's imagination, and you're done putting me through Hell…

I wrapped my arms around him, and squeezed him—my heart beating so furiously in my chest that my breathing became sporadic, and my emotions bubbling just the same. I thought I hadn't been helping him at all, and was just a burden more than anything. Obviously he has feelings for me even so, but I really just felt like the biggest pain in the universe. The fact that I was  _actually_ helping someone—the fact that I had a purpose above hurting others…

" _Thank you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Readers!
> 
> I just wanted to say first and foremost to that I appreciate all of you. All the Reviews/Views even with my sporadic posts have meant the world to me—thank you for having patience with me all this time.
> 
> I wanted to take a quick break with this chapter since I feel like we all—especially Akinoyo—needed this. However, it will be picking up again slowly but surely if it's the thrills you're here for—so stay tuned!
> 
> Thanks again, and much love,
> 
> -Vi


	36. Chapter 36

"Like this?"

" _No,_ like  _this,"_

Rangiku swung her bokken in such a controlled, yet fierce and violent motion. Although she generally maintained a fun-loving and almost bubbly aura, when it came down to this stuff her seriousness couldn't be more real. We'd been going for almost two hours now and throughout the entire training session she'd taught me with such a strictness hard to imagine on her features.

We were wrapping up at this point it seemed like, and I was happy that I at least got to learn basic techniques like these since all I really knew how to work were my knives. She was having me practice my downward swing with my actual zanpakutou rather than my bokken, and I gotta say that the weight of it was something I most definitely wasn't expecting. While I had Musei no Koe strapped to me pretty much at all times, the difference between merely holding her versus swinging her was quite the difference.

I swung her down one more time—the motion as fluid, and firm as I could possibly make it compared to how shaky my first attempt was.

"Like this?" I asked.

"The execution was decent, but what's hindering you is your footwork," she positioned me with a gentle push and pull here and there, and then instructed me to do it again. "Much better," she smiled at me as she stood back and assessed me.

"Give me 30 more of those at that same speed, and we'll close with that for today." She shifted her weight as she placed her hands on her hips. "Besides, you wouldn't wanna keep loverboy waiting any longer would you?"

I flinched hard enough to lose my pace—my face was already severely heated with how much she pushed me today, and now she just  _had_ to add that little tidbit to the mix.

"Every break in formation will cost you 10 extra! You're at 40 total now," she sang.

_Son of a bitch._

"Oh, Taichou—there you are!" she spun around in the corner of my eye.

Dear Kami I must look like such a hot-mess right now—couldn't he have just waited in the office like I thought the plan was? Thank Kami I wasn't fully facing him.

"How's the training going?" I heard him from behind.

It wasn't like I hadn't fought in front of him before, but something about training in front of him was just embarrassing. Maybe it was because I  _specifically_ was being watched rather than that attentiveness being directed to the situation entirety? More than likely, but one thing's for sure—if I was panicking about something as stupid as this, the battle with Zaraki-Taichou the day after next was going to be  _fun._

"It's going great! She seems to have caught on quickly, but still needs a bit of refinement,"

I didn't even have to look to know their eyes were on me—I could  _feel_  their eyes on me. A shiver ran through me at the thought, and I was immediately barked at.

"10 more!"

With an exasperated groan, I complied wordlessly—continuing my last  _34_  now. It took my insane drive to end this training to refrain me from an outburst at this point.

"Think she's ready for sparring?" I heard Toushirou.

"She's gonna have to be at this point, but if it weren't for her upcoming predicament—I'd say maybe one more lesson in zanjutsu and she'd be ready for a  _light_  sparring match." She responded with a light tone—it seemed slightly tinged with impression?

I decided to focus on counting rather than delving into the usual intensive deciphering habit I had. I looked back up in front of me—focusing through the opened shouji door where Toushirou hadn't entered. I looked past the older engawa and into the deserted, unpaved area of the outside training facility in almost complete concentration.

" _I'll count for you, so you don't lose focus,"_ Musei no Koe broke through when I had about 19 left.  _"In preparation for my battle with Zaraki Kenpachi, tomorrow I will not only require full reign over you, but additional time deep in the mountains of the Rukongai."_

" _Oh?"_ I answered with caution—I'd be damned if I had to do 10 more of these.

" _Up until this point, I haven't tapped into The Shinwa for more than suspension, and partial distortion—it is capable of much more than that, and I need to regain the feel of it externally before the battle ahead. Inform your guardian, and have him make sure the proper accommodations are met."_

" _How many left?"_

" _Seven."_

" _I'll ask for you—I'm sure that he'll be able to make it work, but next time please try telling me stuff like this earlier that way we can avoid being problematic."_

I was ashamed to say that I was out of breath at that point. While I wanted to power through my last four downward slashes, I kept the same pace as a form of mental restraint. There was a silence between the two of us, and I wasn't sure if it was because she was waiting for me to finish these last four, or if it was because I called her out on her punctual lack. Did the way I asked her come out harshly? I thought that I was pretty calm and collected about it.

" _Understood."_ She replied on my last one.

I hunched forward with my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath.

"Take a minute, and make sure to keep moving," Rangiku told me—she was right, if I stood still I'd more than likely vomit.

I walked outside onto the engawa, pacing slowly back and forth as I thought about it. It wasn't like I was reprimanding her or anything like that—I was merely asking for different execution for the future. Maybe I—wait a minute.

That was the first time she'd ever willingly obliged to a request without some sort of deal. It wasn't me giving her an ultimatum as I had in the past—it was something small that was an actual  _request._ Maybe she died a little inside that she gave into me? I didn't want her to feel that way, but I guess I didn't blame her. At the same time though…I felt pretty damn good that she cared enough about me to actually consider me. It was a win for me in the Master-servant scale from an outsider's perspective, but to me it wasn't like that at all—it was moreover winning a dear one's favor.

"You okay?"

"Great actually," I answered the male now leaning against the threshold behind me. "It's weird, I've already been in a few scraps, and I wasn't this tired in either of them. This is gonna be difficult getting used to," I took a deep breath.

"Adrenaline is a powerful thing—it's all you've been relying on at this point rather than technical skills." He commented back.

"True," I straightened up after a quick stretch. "About tomorrow," I began, sneaking a quick look at him and praying to Kami I didn't look like too much of a hot-mess.

"Musei no Koe just told me that she's going to need to be in command for the majority of the day to get a better handle on The Shinwa externally since she hasn't had too much of a chance since it's awakened—she's requested a day in the mountains for optimal training purposes. With the whole thing regarding Zaraki-Taichou, it's probably for the best we give her as much prep time as we can to give you guys the best show," I smirked and shook my head.

I was against the whole battle with him, but at the same time, it was a good thing to show everyone just what in the fuck they were dealing with. As much as it disgusted me to have this Kami-damned atrocity within me, if it was going to be our trump-card, I needed to master it and make damn sure that I could actually be useful for this upcoming storm.

He took a moment to assess my request, and answered as soon as Rangiku approached. "Not a problem—we'll have to get an early start, but I can arrange it nevertheless. Matsumoto, you're going to have to cover for me tomorrow."

Her jaw-dropping reaction was probably what he was aiming for as a bit of a light subject change—it worked.

"No fair, Taichou!" she whined—successfully making me smirk and chuckle at her reaction.

"I don't want to hear it," he told her as he motioned me to grab my things with a quick head movement. "These are the cards you've been dealt—make the best of them, and utilize this time to get all of  _your_ work done."

She huffed and puffed up at him with more whine, but I tuned her out as I quickly tied my waraji and fixed Musei no Koe back through my obi. I couldn't wait to get home—we had plans to go out somewhere tonight, and I was ecstatic at the change in routine. Not only that, but those butterflies that only became active when him and I were alone were fluttering around like crazy in excitement. Was this what the anticipation for a first date felt like? Kami that sounded so corny…

"Ready?" Toushirou asked beside me.

"Yep,"

I turned to the fuming Rangiku who was making faces at Toushirou behind his back, and refrained from the cackle threatening to surface. I bowed toward her, and out of my periphery I caught her straightening up.

"Thank you for training me, Rangiku—I appreciate it." I gave her a small smile when I rose back up, to which her entire expression changed.

"You're welcome, Akinoyo-chan—thank  _you_ for listening." She winked—I shook my head to refrain from a blush. "Where are the two of you off to? Home for the evening?"

"For the moment," Toushirou responded to her, causing her to give a sly look at him before her eyes shifted to me.

"Huh, if I didn't know any better I'd say you guys were  _planning_ something," she tried to pry. "Are you guys going out tonight? Where are you taking her, Taichou? Is this a public or secluded place? Where did you—"

"None of your business," he cut her off as he crossed his arms and turned away from her toward the door. "Be at the office tomorrow at 07:00." He ordered.

"What! Taichou that's too early! Don't try to escape my questions! Are you guys going out tonight or not? Maybe I wanted to take Akinoyo-chan out for a bit!" She pouted.

Toushirou was so close to an eye-roll it was ridiculous, but the fact that the two of them were able to bicker lightly like this made me happy—it was such a good breather for all of us.

"Yes, we have plans tonight—thank you for the offer though! I'll have to take you up on that soon—I definitely owe you some sake." I winked.

"You are? That's  _fantastic_!" She gleamed.

"Let's go." Toushirou wasn't about to let himself be subjected to his Fukutaichou's wave of borderline motherly affection and squeals of pent-up teenage girl emotions—I hurried toward him out the door.

"Hey! Don't think this is over! We're still going to celebrate this when this is all over!" She shouted after us.

-x-x-

"What's wrong?"

I forced myself into a huge shiver in an effort to keep myself from squirming any more. I needed to get used to this whether I liked it or not, but damn, I felt like I was drowning in fabric.

"Just uh—not used to this type of attire," I tried leaning back against the seat.

He set his tea down and looked me over again before making his reply. "I see—compared to the standard shihakushou or the clothing from the World of the Living, I'm sure that must be on a completely different scale."

"Most definitely—I'm used to just a plain shirt and pants with maybe a sweater or a jacket, but to be in public wearing something with this much fabric just isn't sitting well with me. Damn Rangiku for dropping this off along with obligation,"

"I told you that you could have come out in your shihakushou," He smirked as our waitress came to take the last remaining plates.

"Yeah, and be the oddity between the two of us,  _Mr. Casual Garb?_  No thanks—I'd rather deal with being uncomfortable than draw any more awkwardness to myself." I shook my head.

"As uncomfortable as it might be," he began as the waitress bowed and filed out of the room with the payment, "that does look good on you,"

Kami, cue the blush.

"Damn your forwardness," I broke eye contact and peeked toward the doorway to make sure the waitress was out of earshot—my lips taut to hold back my panicked embarrassment as best as possible. "Good Kami—are you enjoying this, Romeo?" I harshly whispered.

"Seeing those shy tendencies in full effect?  _Never_ ," He teased before taking another sip of his tea.

I rewarded him with a dead-panned facial expression.

"How  _reassuring,"_ I sounded for added sarcastic emphasis. "You know, Romeo, I'm curious as to how you're so collected about all this—is it simply the difference between how males and females react to things, just your personality, or is this not your first rodeo? I guess since we've both more than likely lived longer than the regular human lifespan, the latter doesn't seem too farfetched."

"While the latter is true in the sense of not being so farfetched, it's primarily the first two you'd mentioned—probably more of my personality than anything else. Seeing you react to certain things I do or say helps me get to know you better—I can't say that the way you get flustered at an attempted tease isn't a reward though." He smirked.

"Well  _la-dee-da,"_ I narrowed my eyes at him before taking a gulp of cold sake. "You know, I must have said it about a thousand times already, but I'll say it again: I'm a woman of equal exchange. I'll eventually find what makes  _you_ flustered, and come at you with zero remorse—your day's coming soon, Prince Charming." I smirked.

"I won't hold my breath,"

I had to give an eye-roll at that one. That damn nerve of his I'm in love with—he does it on purpose too. A heard a small chuckle from him, and decided to just let him have this one.

"Yeah, yeah, chuckle it up,  _wise-guy_ ," I took another gulp. "So am I correct though? This isn't your first rodeo? You know, I only know vague things about you while you at this point know more about my life than I ever did—why don't you tell me a bit about Hitsugaya Toushirou? Here, let me start it off: 'You like long walks on the beach at sunset, like to throw a picnic on the sand with wine—or in your case  _tea_ —and enjoy looking up into the sky as the twilight fades into night.' Did I hit the nail on the head, or did I miss something?" I smirked.

Now was his turn for the eye-roll. He shook his head and tried to mask a laugh. "Have you been saving that in your arsenal?"

"Maybe—maybe  _not_ ," I shrugged. "I'm waiting, Romeo,"

"Anything specific you're looking for?" He asked.

"Not at the moment—just whatever you feel like telling me at this point. Eventually I do want to know everything about you, but we can do this in increments if you'd like." I smiled.

He looked me over for a few moments, then leaned back and took his last gulp of tea. "How about we walk and talk?" he prompted.

"Sure, give me a second to chug this," I smirked. "Waste not, want not,"

-x-x-

That most definitely explained a good amount about this whole Hinamori Momo situation. They'd grown up together, and had shared so much with one another that this girl was like a sister  _if not more_ to him. It didn't explain the hurt in his eyes at her recent house-call, but it was an indicator that she was one of the few people he gave two-shits about in this crazy world we lived in. Toushirou to me didn't seem like the type to really be a huge social butterfly—which was great because I myself was reclusive—and so whatever it is that happened between them to cause that reaction in him must have really hit a nerve with the poor guy.

I felt like prying into that as we walked was a bit uncalled for, and so I stuck to commentary on other things. His grandmother in the Rukongai, his time in the academy, a few of his likes and dislikes, poking fun at him for silly things—the usual asshole tendency of mine I loved to sarcastically portray for my own humor in full utilization.

It got a few laughs and witty comebacks, and all-in-all made it seem as if this evening was proving to be the distraction that not only I needed, but  _he_ needed as well. On top of that, I felt that all this attraction between the two of us had flown off the handle—not that I minded—because of the situation. As if kicked into overdrive because of necessity on everything. It was nice and refreshing to see that we could do something  _somewhat_ normal for the very first time together. Granted, it wasn't like the two of us weren't on alert, but it was nice to just break custom in this fashion.

We made it back to his home, and after helping him turn on the lights and whatnot, I excused myself to his engawa for a smoke since it'd been a little while. After the first successful drag, I leaned back in such a lazy, un-ladylike fashion in full relaxation mode.

I was so happy I'd gotten to learn about him at least a little bit, that I felt accomplished for lack of a better word. It showed that he trusted me—another display of his actual care toward me and his feelings. He wasn't the type of guy that shared much with others—it proved my importance without him having to actually spell it out for me. Those flutters I was now starting to get used to caused me to smile up at the winter stars.

"You're going to catch a cold if you stay out for much longer," Toushirou commented from behind me.

"Pish-posh," I waved him off as I sat back up and took another drag—he sat down next to me and followed my gaze skyward. "I'll be fine—I don't plan on being out here too much longer anyway,"

He didn't respond to that, but changed the topic. "I hope tonight wasn't too boring for you—once everything settles, I'll take you somewhere nicer than that,"

"What? Of course tonight wasn't boring!" I turned to look at him—that serious facial expression of his meeting mine. "Tonight was great, and I can't get over how happy it makes me that we were able to do something like this—everything's always so chaotic that it feels great to take a break. It's like you said this morning—getting your mind off things sometimes is healthy. If this hasn't been the healthiest I've been in years, I'd be the biggest liar in existence." I paused to take a drag. "It's all thanks to you—don't forget that." I exhaled.

He didn't say anything, and when he didn't reply, I continued as I cleaned out my kiseru. "That place wasn't  _boring_ if that's just what you're worried about. I'm not the type that needs to be  _dazzled_ by everything—just something small like breaking the norm is enough for me. To me, that in itself is exciting," I smiled up at him. "I mean, I can get really gushy if you want me to, but I wouldn't want to gross you—or myself for that matter—out by plunging into feministic tendencies. You get enough of that as it is," I blushed as I set my accessories on the other side of me.

I turned back to look at him to see him looking out into the distance. The seriousness on his face told me that there was more to it than the first layer I'd picked up on. I was such a fool for not seeing it earlier.

Letting my heart more than my hyper-active mind call the shots, I placed my hand on his lap, and leaned closer to him. "What's got you so worried?" I cautiously questioned.

A few moments of silence passed—anxious seconds on my end—before he made any movement. He set his warm hand over my cold one as he spoke.

"Nothing—I'm glad that you had a good time after all,"

I scooted closer to him and flipped my hand over to warm my fingers in his palm. "Toushirou," I scolded as he would have done to me had I displayed the same behavior. "As I know I can trust you—know that you can trust me." I interlaced my fingers with his, and leaned into him.

"I'm here for you as you are for me—I won't force you to talk about it, but I'm here as your listening ear for anything and everything. Please don't forget that."

He took his hand back to take hold of my waist and pull me into an embrace against him. "I know I can, and I'm thankful to have you, Akinoyo. You've given me a reason to start caring about others and myself again rather than remaining as distant as I have been for years. I appreciate you," He took a deep inhale, and while he did, my curiosity got the better of me.

"I wonder—why would a guy like you grow so distant? While your personality mirrors mine to an extent with the same solitary behavior, you also have such an optimism that makes it hard for me to believe that you would want that distance from everyone. It make me feel like…" I paused in realization that I was probably prying too much. "Ah, I'm sorry," I sheepishly apologized as my spine stiffened against him.

"What does it make you feel like?" he questioned—damn, I felt bad.

I took a deep inhale, and answered quickly before I exhaled. "Like there was some catalyst event that caused it."

There was silence between us, and my thoughts became sporadic with guilt and regret. Just because I was normally on a mental overload and felt better voicing out my events did  _not_ mean that was how  _he_ dealt with things. I mean, he always said to address it and get it off my chest, but who knows just how he handled it—I went a bit overboard.

"I'm sorry—you don't have to—"

"You're right." He interrupted—I shut up and focused on what he was about to say. "There was an event that caused me to create that distance, and to not get close to anyone again. An event I don't like to think about, but catch myself constantly reprimanding myself over. It's something that I need to get over, but just can't seem to accomplish."

I pushed myself out of his embrace to look into his eyes—such a hurt emotion glazed over that icy stare of his. He looked out into the garden lost in thought, and I reacted with the only thing my heart allowed me to do.

I reached up my hand to take hold of his face, and kissed his cheek—his face turning to meet mine, and my forehead rested against him as the words flowed from me.

"I believe in you, Toushirou—in my world, you are the man that I know can, and  _will_ accomplish whatever it is his heart desires. The fact that I'm allowed to assist you in that way is not only an honor, but a privilege—I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you trust me enough to be the hand you hold. How happy it makes me that just as you have helped  _me_ , I get to help  _you_."

I brought my lips to his, and after just a few quick motions, I pulled back to look at him. "I'm here for you—when you're ready, I will help you to the best of my ability to squash whatever it is that plagues you." I smiled.

He gave me a long look—my blush only amplifying more than it already was at my newfound behavior—and the corners of his lips turned up in a smile. He put his hand against the back of my neck—palm gravitating upward to have his fingers seep into my hairline to gently pull me forward. He took my lips with a soft, yet dominant thirst—as if the words that I'd said gave him a small taste of that salvation he yearned for, and he took my lips to take more of it.

After rattling my insides with such an intense, heart-thumping kiss, he pulled back to take in my features as he his thumb gently caressed my jawline. I looked away in a blush from the eye contact, making him lean into me again for a quick press.

"I appreciate you, Akinoyo—more than you realize," he told me softly. "If I could at the very least make you happy, then the efforts I've made to start healing wouldn't be in vain."

He pulled back to look at me, that damn small smile of his summoning those insects from Hell to respond ferociously within me. "Tonight, let's keep the mood light—I want both of us to relax, and enjoy each other rather than delving into topics like that."

I gave him a brief nod and returned his small smile with my own. "Sure thing. You just let me know when you're ready for that—I'll be here waiting for you," I moved some of his hair as a necessary distraction for my overwhelming emotional state. "You're making it seem like the night isn't over yet now that we're back—what else did you have in mind?"

He leaned down to the crook of my neck—his lips travelling down to my collarbone in light kisses that tingled my skin. The intake of air I took in reaction made me internally die of embarrassment from how badly it resounded my excitement, but it made him chuckle as his hands set on my hips.

"I'd like to see more of that blush tinting your cheeks—if you'd allow me that is," he teased.

With a huff, I took hold of each side of his head—fingers meshing into his hair as I leaned forward into him.

"You know you don't have to ask me twice."


End file.
